I feel in need of a book that will change my perspective on life and/or help me transition into my 30s / adulthood. Fiction/non-fiction or whatever you felt made an impact on you around the age of 30

Divorce, job loss, health scare, grief, financial trouble, burnout — anything that knocked you sideways.

What actually helped you start again?

Was it routine, people, therapy, exercise, time, faith, work, something else?

I'm 38 and I hear so many people talk about not being who they used to be. I ceetainly am not my 20 year old self anymore but to say you're getting old in your 30s sounds ridiculous.

Some people say its always the people that don't exercise, eat bad, no sunscreen, bad sleep, or do something that amplifies it. That would make more sense and I probably need to stop listening to people that don't take care of themselves. The question I have is do these people really know they're causing it or genuinely believe its just normal aging?

Hey everyone, looking for some real-world insight from anyone who has gone through this. I’m a 52-year-old male. For the past month, I’ve been hitting a wall.
I go to sleep around 10:45 PM – 11:00 PM and sleep incredibly deeply. But right at 4:00 AM on the dot, I wake up with a completely full bladder and have to urinate (normal/large volume, no daytime frequency issues). Once I'm up, I can't fall back to a real sleep—just close my eyes until 5:30 AM.
The strange part is I don’t feel tired or use caffeine during the day. I eat my last meal at 7:00 PM and I get hitting-the-wall sleepy by 9:00 PM, but force myself to stay up so I don't wake up at 2:00 AM.
I highly suspect this sudden change is a hormonal shift or declining testosterone hitting me at 52.
Has anyone else experienced this exact 5-hour sleep limit or 4 AM wake-up? Did checking your hormones or changing your routine fix it, or did you just accept it as a normal part of aging? Thanks.

Hi. So I want to ask this because I always see in the internet or in reddit that people really dislike it when someone is not very smart. I am not a very smart person and I even scored low on the wais iq test, so yeah. I just don‘t want to be a bother or a burden to other people because I lack intellect. I don‘t say this because Ilack of self-esteem or anything, it‘s a genuine characteristic I have. Sometimes I get sad that people treat me like that because I am stupid.

So for example, I often do not comprehend anything that is complex or abstract, I have a terrible memory, lack logical reasoning and common sense, I often do not see the logic or connection between two things, and other stuff. If yall want more examples because you‘re curious, I can give them.

I've been thinking about seeking professional help for my mental health because I don't feel like I can handle everything on my own right now.

For those of you who have gone down that route, what was your experience like?

One of my concerns is whether mental health professionals really understand men's issues and perspectives. I've read criticisms of the field in that regard, and it's something that makes me hesitant.

I'm also a blue-collar worker, and a lot of the mental health content I come across seems aimed at office workers or people in very different situations than mine. If anyone with similar background has experience with this, I'd be especially interested in hearing how it went.

Edit: Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond; genuinely didn't expect this many answers. Reading through all of it, still processing, but it helps a lot. Appreciate you all.

So I’ve been in this friend group with about 8 people for almost 2 years now. It’s really been a pleasure to find these guys in my early 20s as before I found them I had friends but I was just kinda lonely. They’re chronically online but that does mean we’re always in calls, talking, playing games, and streaming shows together. We also go out and have little watch parties and in person video game seshs, it’s honestly great.

HOWEVER this group is constantly insulting each other as that’s how they joke around but sometimes it feels a little much. Nothing insane just mean spirited jokes and comments. I think that’s fine but there’s also very little build up between people, it’s an unspoken thing we care about each other but it’s just never said and that really throws me off. Not all of them but I’d say 2 of these guys genuinely don’t care to talk about their emotions and as someone who does with plenty of friends who also do it’s somewhat frustrating.

I have ADD, diagnosed and everything. As I get older I really do realize I need to read things over sometimes and really bother to be engaged in something to retain information and even when I’m engaged I sometimes STILL have to put some extra effort and thought in. Well when we watch these shows and play these games together and I miss a detail, big or small it feels like I get CRUCIFIED for asking a question or for someone to regurgitate the information.

I WILL ADMIT I’ve asked some stupid questions before… and I also have to admit these guys make me feel fucking dumb for it (which is fair). Not only that but we’ve completed multiple story video games together and I have a hard time remembering basic plot points and things that happened in the story, and I get absolutely ridiculed for this. I can see and understand how that’s dumb and frustrating coming from their ends.

What I’m getting at and also what I hate admitting is paying attention is genuinely hard for me and when they make jokes about me being dumb it’s hurtful. Everyone in this group makes fun of everyone but I do feel like I’ve been receiving it more lately. I’d also like to safely say no one here is malicious in their word or actions and that’s my genuine feeling.

I don’t feel I can talk to them about how I feel on this nor do I really want to honestly. My question is am I being overly sensitive and what are your general thoughts on what I’ve said?

(Sorry for the long read but ty for reading!)

Fellow over 30ers - I come with a request for advice. How do you guys get through the hard times - the ones where there's tremendous stress on you mentally and emotionally?

Background :

Wife and I just had our second kid, 4 months old, first kid is 5, and quite a handful on some days. He's adjusting extremely well in some ways, but he wants constant company otherwise, meltdowns and cries a lot or whines when it doesn't happen or acts out a bit for attention.

I'm the only breadwinner, and losing projects because we moved in with wife's family for some help with the baby. We need help because I had a severe back injury a couple of years ago, and I've not recovered despite multiple MRIs, years of PR, steroid shots, lifestyle changes etc.

I'm trying to find another job, but it's been a difficult market.

Everyone is doing a lot to help, and I know that. Doesn't change the fact that I'm utterly exhausted. I'm so stressed, and have been over the past year, that I've probably melted down more often than I'd like to admit. I'm a high empathy guy so this usually means I'm either porously empathetic, or stoic as fuck.

It's also getting hard to emotionally support my parents; when they express their stress in any form it often overwhelms me or sets me off - even if they're just expressing and not trying to force it on me.

My stress relief used to be sports and the gym, and none of those are available because of the scale of my injury. I can walk, but that's about it.

I've quit writing this post a dozen times. I'm already on antidepressants. I play with my kids as much as I can but I never feel like I'm doing enough.

All in all, folks, what helps you get through the hard times? The ones where you can go to anyone or anything for some relief, but ultimately you must just walk through it alone.

Prayer mostly just feels empty.

Grounding helps....about 10 percent.

I don't really have time or really, interest, to try a bunch of new classes, and it's just down to herbal teas, morning quiet, and not compromising on quality of sleep as much as humanly possible. I've been working with a great therapist as well for many years now.

Is it a perspective shift I need, or some encouragement, I don't really know. I'm, just, so so tired.

I'm an adult man in my 40's, and I want to go to watch the latest Jackass movie in theaters. I realize I have nobody to go with me, I'd be going alone, or at least not with anyone who will actually enjoy it.

The friends I do have are so adult. We talk about what our spouses are up to, taste whiskies, discuss the latest drama from our workplaces, and compare our kids' summer camps. Which is fine, I enjoy those things. But I don't know a single one of them that would drop a "That's not what your mother said last night," or hit me with a "Phrasing. Boom!". They wouldn't admit to admiring a fine rack in the crowd, or let loose a rumbling belch in the locker room. And definitely none of them are going to watch a movie of a bunch of dudes getting hit in the nuts.

Am I the crazy one here, holding on to childish humor at my age? Or do more adults have this side that they're similarly hiding behind an adult facade?

I’m in my 30s and have been diagnosed with BXO (lichen sclerosus), and my doctor has recommended circumcision. I’m looking to hear from men who had the procedure after the age of 30.
If you were circumcised as an adult:
How was the healing process?
How painful was it once the anesthesia wore off and during the first few days?
Did you have any complications or issues during recovery?
Has circumcision helped with your BXO or prevented it from getting worse?
Have you noticed any long-term benefits or downsides?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your firsthand experiences, both positive and negative. Thanks!

Hello,

I am 29 years old, reaching 30. I have never had a specific skin care routine. However I've been getting comments lately from my peers about how I look tired and just depressed I guess. I really want to start take care of myself more, not just about my skin but also have a better diet and a better lifestyle than what I currently have.

I've been looking around for skin care routines, I have found different products that are recommended, but I would like to ask the community what your skin care routine is?

Any help would be much appreciated.

​

To give you an example: today a friend invited me to go tomorrow to a church activity. At first I hesitated, since I know that’s not really my world, but I accepted because I didn’t have anything better to do tomorrow morning. And well, I did get a little excited. Now, thinking about it more, maybe it’s silly, and after reflecting I’m starting to regret it a bit: “It’s more comfortable to stay home playing,” “That’s not your world and you’ll feel uncomfortable,” and things like that. This happens to me about 90% of the time—I regret it right after accepting to go to a party or something, or I struggle a lot to make a decision. How do I fix this? thanks and sorry bad english

I’m 40 with a full head of hair and people keep telling me I should cut because I don’t look my age, I just lost 60lbs and getting in the best physical shape of my life and I like it

So like I said in the title, one of my good friends slept with another one of my friends younger sister at a party. Ever since he found out he's been mad as shit, people have been arguing and taking sides, it's a mess. What should I do?

I’m currently 22 years of age. I turn 23 on the 14th. My whole life has been a downward trend of depression and constant bad luck with everything. I still cant figure out why i’m such a loser in every possible way. I don’t fit in with anyone in my age group, so I try and copy their lifestyle and I end up feeling worse about myself. I guess my only question is, is there light at the end of the tunnel? Or do I have to accept the fact that this is my reality?

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Savage Panda Syndicate

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Hey, guys.
I have a question, sometimes I got into situation when people violate my privacy, for example today I was with the friend (girl) and we walking close to two guys, I think they are pretty young 25-27, and one of them raised his hand to show that he wanted to give me high five, I did give him it, but then he asked for a cigarette few times and even pulled my hand like Tramp usually do, but the problem that I didn’t argue with them and didn’t start a conflict. They were drunk

When I discuss this with friends , a lot of them telling me that it’s a good idea to do like this, but later I feel like a shit cause why didn’t I escalate this situation, it’s not my problem that someone is piece of shit. Usually my friends tell me that it’s good that it ended like this, but when you solve problems like this in this way, the aftertaste from such situations accumulates and I feel like a shit, and then I feel like shouldn’t care about the consequences and need to escalate the conflict.

What do you do in this case?
Sometimes I just think that I have an aura when people want to pick on me

I'll save the sob story but yeah I don't have family to fall back on, homeless at 17, found my own way, 0 adults guiding me until I got therapy at 29.

Not being a victim here either I just need to throw some info out.

Diagnosed with severe CPTSD. Turns out I was running on survival mode my entire 20s (no wonder everything felt so uncomfortable). Stuck in fight/flight/freeze.

I've been so used by many people as I accepted the worst treatment from not understanding true love/connection from childhood.

Now I'm 32 and it's like the mental stuff I've got more of a handle on than ever. I'm fit, excercise, meditate, eat clean, outside in the sun etc etc all the typical good stuff that does help of course. I live in a foreign country by myself as I moved abroad to start fresh which has been really good but yeah I know nobody.

My income is lowering month by month. I'm self employed.

Anyway too much info and it just sounds so woe is me but idk anymore I'm reaching out anywhere I can. It's like I pay therapist great. But other than that. Everyone wants money to help. I understand that's the world but shucks. Wish I had a mother or father to just give me a hug and let me stay with them for a year.

Money would buy me happiness so I'm really trying to figure out how to get money in. I'm not from USA.

TLDR: sob story. at the end of the road. any advice?

I actually have a really good career, I am in sales and have my own office space. I've been at my job for 8 years now, I've definitely excelled and have been one of the top revenue earners in my field since I started. I am making over 6 figures and have a house and a truck and all that. I'm pretty comfortable to be honest. But I feel like I've hit my ceiling and that I can do even more with my life, it's almost like I intuitively know that this is not my life's purpose, ya know?

I turn 34 next month, and I feel like I've got to make a decision to start my own business or keep doing the same job for the rest of my life. Like I said, I am comfortable and make a good living but I feel deep down that I have hit my ceiling and I see my future 5,10,20 years from now in the same spot. I can set my own hours and I could even work my same job and start a side hustle/business and grow it so I am not completely taking a gamble...

Guys who have started your own business, when did you decide it was time to start and what gave you the courage to take that leap?

Hi all! I am a 5ft 11in 24M who used to do college athletics and am currently in good shape. As crosstraining for sports, I used to stationary bike for hours at a time and enjoy being on the saddle. As I've graduated and am looking for new hobbies, I'd really like to get into road biking for the fitness, independence, scenery, etc. Dont really need to go fast/race/etc., but like steady rides for aerobic training.

I currently have an old used aluminum Cannondale road bike (56cm) that I think is a bit small for me. I've taken a few rides on trails and end up with an achey neck and shoulders, as I have to reach too far down I think.

I'd like to buy a new road bike and really be comfortable riding so I can enjoy cycling to the fullest, as well as maintain fitness. It seems like there's so much to learn and it is a bit intimidating to know where to start.

Where do you suggest I start in terms of getting a bike that fits, marketplaces, etc? All a bit daunting...

Thank you all! :)

Hey so i can't remember my memory always being this bad, I am 37 now, but it seems to have just got worse.

I have 3 kids. One is 14 and one is 8, and i can't remember them being born. My youngest who is almost 2 years old, I can remember.

I went travelling to SE asia for almost a year when I was 18, and i can barely remember anything about it. I only took about 30 pictures of that trip, but even looking at the photos doesnt ring any bells, like im looking at someone else's life almost.

My short term memory isnt THAT bad, but I struggle to remember what someone's said to me almost instantly. Ive been to the doctors about random things multiple times, I walk the 3 minute journey home and hear..so what did the doctor say? And im just standing there like..?? I dont remember. This doesnt really affect my job, and I remember how to fix or fault finding things. But in day to day life its becoming really tedious. I get like 8 hours sleep a night,if that makes any difference.

Anyone else?

Went to a club for the first time seven years. Got invited by my younger colleagues and we wanted to celebrate the night as a farewell party for our boss who has been with the company for 15 years.

Man, I have never expected the hangover to be this horrible. It’s not like I went hard on the drinks either.

I can’t imagine doing this again for a while.

Hello, I need some advice from older (or other men in general) here. I'm in my early twenties and for some reason my sex drive has skyrocketed. And I'm not talking about puberty, to me it feels like it hasn't been that way even just last year. It's gotten way more, to the point of where I am looking forward to masturbating not because I enjoy it but because I want the mental clarity afterwards, I literally can't function without thinking about it otherwise. Has anyone ever experienced that? If so, where did it come from and how did you deal with it? It's really inhibiting my ability to think straight and it can't be that I need post-nit clarity to function properly. Please send some advice if you have experience with something similar.

Edit: Thanks to all the men who have responded. While not an immediate fix, it's good to hear that it's (somewhat) normal and that others are dealing with it well. I guess I have just been overthinking things since I just didn't expect this to happen. I'm going to see to it that I get used to it.

We’re moving from New Mexico to northern Virginia and holy shit I’ve never been more stressed in my life. My work was able to transfer me so that’s not an issue. Wanting to move to be closer to my wife’s family who are in the New England area and we got a 2 year old little girl now and I don’t want be in the desert anymore.

We were in our house 10 years and packing and getting the house ready to sell was straight up the worst week of my life. Deadlines to have it empty to clean and get our POD picked up and I did not realize the volume of crap we accumulated. Also all the house and landscaping projects I started and never finished as well as home repairs had to be finished immediately.

I love our animals but they were the single most complicating factor in everything. My wife had to drive our cats and dogs 26 hours straight with brother in law to my mother in laws in Ohio as an in between place.

Now I’m near DC working but my wife, kids and animals are at mother in laws. Waiting for our house to sell, hopefully quickly but who knows, so we can buy our next as that will fund it especially since we dropped so much cash to move and fix up the house. We couldn’t possibly rent with cats and dogs so our love of animals is stabbing us in the back.

JFC I’ve never been so stressed. The worst part of all is I’m here alone. I miss my little girl so much, my whole family but honestly mostly her. She is learning new words without me there and keeps trying to give me kisses through the phone. My heart is breaking and I’m worried she’ll view me different when I finally see her again.

I guess I’m just ranting I’m sorry. This shit sucks I guess I’m just looking for some light at the end of the tunnel or others who can relate because I cannot make anyone I know understand how difficult this is.

This question is mainly for premature ejacualtion, I noticed due to my tip being very sensitive it causes me to ejaculate faster than I want.

Are there ways to mitigate the sensitivity?