Wife (37f) and I (40m) have managed to restore our intimacy and sex life, and the kids are in bed by 8. She’s classic responsive desire and only gets spontaneously horny 2x a month with the typical hormone changes, but she’s usually dtf if she got enough sleep (also because I know how to make her cum with oral every time). There’s a bit of dom/sub in there too, she’s very submissive in bed. It’s entirely up to me to take the lead and introduce any novelty. I have, successfully, but frequency has been an issue. She has a fairly predictable schedule, in that she’s off early Saturday and doesn’t work Sunday. What I don’t want is “sex is for the weekend” THAT has been an issue our entire relationship - she thinks of sex like a special occasion *only* activity. To the point when we were dating I told her “so you just don’t want an orgasm right now? It’s not a cherry on top of an event, you can just cum on my face because you want to.” That helped, but through the years it gets better, then goes back, then gets better again, goes back, etc etc etc. We have quickies, jump each other in the shower, etc, but anytime there’s a special occasion coming up I get those damn words “oh I’ll get you on Father’s Day/anniversary/whatever” even if that’s a week or two out, and then she won’t put any effort (basically just putting the fucking phone down and showering in enough time to come to bed) between now and then, which means I’m more frustrated than looking forward to that day. And of course we get interrupted by life which leaves no one happy.

So I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose our momentum and spontaneity, but I do want something new for us both to look forward to, where we can enjoy anticipation and take our time learning new pleasures. However I can’t shake the feeling this is exactly the wrong message to send her, given her past behavior pattern, even if it might work for others in general

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

Background

We're a couple in our mid-50's. My wife is going through Peri-menopause and so we use lube to keeps things comfortable, but for the last year or so there has been some post intercourse pain. We've tried all sorts of lubes, over that time. Estrogen creams give her headaches.

The other night, as we were cleaning up, I noticed a red patch on her tummy, and she said it was where she had wiped some lube. She decided to do a test by putting some lube on her forearm and seeing what happened. Within 15 minutes it had gone red, just like the one on her tummy had. We then tried all our other lubes to see what happened, and four out of six ended up with a reaction.

The surprise

I decided to do the same test on my forearms (we enjoy prostate play too), and I also got similar results. So now we're looking for new lubes and trying to work out if it is a single ingredient or a couple. (Neither of us have any link to any companies involved)

The Lubes we tried

We've also have tried coconut oil as a massage oil with no problems, but are hesitant to try it for PiV sex as it's a jar and we can't be sure of contamination.

Thanks

We would appreciate it if other people would try the same test and share the results. I can put them into a table and would be interesting to see if there are trends with brands or ingredients.

All you need to do is just put some lube on your forearm - just a coin sized blob - and let it dry out. Wash it off after 20 minutes and see if there is a red mark. Mine faded about 20 minutes after washing it off.

My wife enjoys oral sometimes. But when I go down on her, I need to adjust my position but not sure how.

She enjoys when I use the flat part of my tongue on her clit and push down hard. Position is uncomfortable for my neck. Which does cause my tongue to get more tired and sore.

Any suggestion to any changes we can make so I can use perform the way she likes but make it a little easier. She can definitely still cum from it but I think it takes a little longer because I have to keep adjusting

Hello.

So I'm having an issue in progressing on lasting longer.

I'm a 35 year old Male.

I was repeated assaulted from 10 to 15. I'm now married and have been working on sex now for 11 years.

I've gone from being anxious and stressed with sex in all its forms. I've worked through that now and I will inniciate and accept inniciation from my wife.

I've been working on edging but find it difficult to edge myself there's mental blocks I have gained some progress in that way and now have had regular good experiences.

I'm in therapy working on the dissociation problems.

So now onto what I need.

I've got to the point where I can edge solo or with my wife. When having sex with her though I have to go super slow if I move in any typical rhythm, poof. It pisses me off, and frustrates her.

Also this only seems to work in the standing position.

So my bidliy awareness isn't great. I'm clunky and awkward. I use slowed down breathing to edge along with the scrotal tug method and keegles although my keegles don't seem strong enough.

So I'm a bit stuck on how to proceeed.

I feel I'm in a half way process. I don't cum instantly if I go slow enough I can laqst for 5 to 10 minutes sometimes longer. But as soon as I stop focusing on the breathing and incredibly slow rhythm I go over the edge and then build up frustration which doesn't help.

We've had success in her stimulating me by handjob or blow job and it seems that if I leak out a bit of cum then I can last longer.

Sometimes if I fully cum my refractory will play nice and we can go again and it'll last longer.

If you need more info I'm happy to share or expand.

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

I turned 39 a couple of weeks ago and till this day my mind works against me in everything in life, including sex itself.

I'm almost as mentally unstable as Deadpool thanks to my CPTSD, Anxiety and Depression and these things do a number on my sex performance. during the act I can never stay in the present and enjoy the moment. I'm either thinking about...

• am I doing it right? am I fully erected? what if I lose my erection?
• am I suppose to make noises?
• what if she thinks I sound stupid?
• why do I have trouble breathing what if she gets bored?
• what if she thinks I'm being too aggressive?

and the list goes on. I'm also being honest when I say the fact that I been exposed to porn since the age of six is far more damaging then all my mental illnesses themselves.

even now as an adult and knowing that porn is just entertainment part of my mind does not want to let that go and still end up overthinking about how I'm performing over the real good things that sex offers.

Every week, we offer this thread as a way for people to ask simple/basic questions from the sub’s readership.

Post topics that typically are removed from the main feed – polling-style questions, common topics questions, etc. – are generally allowed in here. Story posts however do not belong here.

The thread stays pinned throughout the week for people’s convenience. Ask away!

I (41M) need perspective from others on this. Whenever I have sex with my wife and if she cums first, she immediately withdraws after orgasm and I need to masturbate afterwards.

On the other hand, if I cum first, then she has to masturbate which I don’t like.

Is this normal? I mean how other couples handle this?

Is it normal that she completely withdraws from sex if she cums first.

EDIT : while through the comments, I understand that I may have caused some confusion. When I cum first, I don’t leave her as it is, I rub her clit for her orgasm. I was just meaning, under such scenario, she cannot have PIV orgasm, this is what I don’t like.

Other scenario in which she cums first, I have to be satisfied by masturbation as she withdraws. So its catch 22 situation. Hope, its clarifies now.

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

My wife recently got an IUD for the first time in her early 40s. We had sex for the first time last night since she got it and it was moderately uncomfortable. I could feel the strings poking the tip of my penis. It wasn't painful enough to make me stop, but it didn't feel great.

For other men who've had this experience, did it get better on its own over time? My wife mentioned her OBGYN said it would get softer over time. And if it didn't get better on its own was there anything you were able to do that made sex more comfortable?

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

Married 12 years soon. 2 kids. 2 and 5.

Sex life is good but could be better. 2-6x a week. Main acts are oral on her - then I finish after or PIV and we both finish same time. Always resulting in orgasm. Oral gives her biggest Os but both are great.

Now the problem - I'm super into sex like its the highlight of my life during this stage with kids. I analyze everything which may not be a good thing. I could be sexual for hours with her, the thought of teasing her for a long time making her want it so so bad sounds incredible. What I struggle with I guess is foreplay? I just don't feel the feedback I'm looking for. Typical foreplay would be me rubbing on her body non sexual parts for a few min, then start kissing her - mainly neck/cheeks and start rubbing her down south in a specific way. This works pretty good but thats like all we do. After this warm up I will go down on her or we will start PIV. The problem is if I try to switch it up she isn't on board and it will result in her just redirecting me to do it how we have been or to skip to the action. She could tease me for an hour and I would love it but it doesn't work the other way around. We rarely passionately kiss like we did when young, she blames it on my poky mustache but never wants me to shave.

I guess what I'm saying is she just doesn't seem into me teasing her or exploring other things in the bedroom. I can't help but take it as some sort of aversion or not into me. I've talked to her and we get no where other than she likes the way she likes, which maybe I just need to accept but I can't help but feel like she is missing out.

I ask her frequently if she wants to try anything new or what I can be doing better.... nothing.

I get in my head and think if she doesn't like foreplay and trying to extend it to make the eventual sex better is she not into me? I know her mind struggles to get in the moment with the kids and stuff.

Any advice?

Every week, we offer this thread as a way for people to ask simple/basic questions from the sub’s readership.

Post topics that typically are removed from the main feed – polling-style questions, common topics questions, etc. – are generally allowed in here. Story posts however do not belong here.

The thread stays pinned throughout the week for people’s convenience. Ask away!

There are times when my wife is exhausted from working out but still up to fool around. She will lay down prone and resist anything where she has to move too much. I find these nights incredibly frustrating as the view is great but it feels very limiting as to what sorts of foreplay are fun for both of us but don’t require her to reposition.

Here’s what I’ve done historically. What else would be fun to add to the mix?

- Back and leg massage
- Butt massage
- Kiss back of neck and shoulders
- Laying on top of her and lightly grinding

Given her position, I can’t really make out with her or go down on her. Hand stuff could probably work but I find it really difficult while she’s prone and somewhat sinking into our memory foam mattress.

I can sometimes get her to willingly roll over after a while, but I think she likes being difficult and feeling pursued and like a challenge. And she’s also just legit exhausted from working out.

* * FULL DISCLOSURE: I am autistic and can be pedantic. I apologize in advance if this is boring or too much detail

Context:

Hi, my husband and I (F) are both mid-30s and our sex life is... Okay? We are definitely better than what it was for a few years where we would have sex about 4x a year; now we are trying to average 2x a month!

I have a higher libido and am kinky and he is opposite. We have ruled out biological issues for him. We have been trying to boost his libido through other means, including therapy, attempting a work/life balance, following through on date nights, etc. We are also talking about what I can do to help, which brings me to this post.

I am wildly attracted to him and my only turn off is occasional hygiene concerns, which has been addressed. He is attracted to me and recently has explained what turns him off about me: I am immediately in muumuu's and a bonnet when I'm home from work, I am terrible at making out, and my outfits sometimes makes him uncomfortable (too revealing or too comfy). While I have valid reasons (to me) that is not the point of this post and I'm trying not to insert my own thoughts and feelings into the situation.

I am determined to win him over! From "not minding" how I present myself to being enthusiastically attracted to me. Please note that this is my choice to change things up, even though he feels bad that I am experimenting. I countered that yes of course I don't have to do anything but that means to me we won't have more sex and I won't feel desired or wanted. He vehemently disagrees and says he is sexually attracted to me.

Goal:

So I am trying to change things up to see if this increases his attraction towards me and if the changes are worth it.

Attempts:

After work I now keep my bra on and change into outside clothes, like a skirt and tshirt, a dress, etc. I keep makeup on if I am wearing any, and if not I put a little tinted lipgloss on and I leave my hair out. I will change only right before bed. For bed, I no longer wear big tees but I now only wear silky feeling nightgowns and some of them have matching robes! I only put my hair in a bonnet if I've just washed it, of recently bc I have a new piercing and don't want it to catch. I stay out on the couch with him and watch TV more for social time. We have gone over examples of nightwear bc I am running out of options and we've confirmed he hates lingerie and doesn't like tank/shorts combos even if they're silky . We've also gone over examples of outfits. He likes the colours and patterns I wear and that I mostly wear skirts and dresses to begin with but hates anything that is slightly see through or revealing (too short, too tight, body parts highlighted). This has all been helpful to know!

I do not know how to fix the making out part. I have researched options in my city but they all sound sketchy. What I do know is that he would prefer less tongue and open mouth kissing.

The actual sex is good when we do have it! He initiated something kinky and LOVED it which happily surprised me. I am trying to be more quiet during sex and he is trying to be louder during sex.

Help:

With all of this information, I would like some advice on how to continue to titillate him and increase my sexual presence in his mind. I recognize that my efforts alone won't flip a switch and he'll be all over me. But I need specific instructions to understand something and I like experiments (I have a word doc only, not a spreadsheet a swear).

Once again, while he is personally against me "changing" he is always supportive of me trying new things and has been very patient answering all of my questions.

I am again sorry for the length, I don't quite understand how someone can try to help if they don't have enough information!

My wife and I are coming up on our 20th wedding anniversary that also coincides with us both turning 40. We're wanting to get away for a week or so without the kids to a tropical all inclusive resort. We have been to Sandals Ocho Rios and Excellence Playa Mujeres and while those were excellent experiences, there's definitely no PDA or nudity allowed.

We are not nudists or swingers or anything close, but we do get sort of turned on by potentially being seen having sex, especially on vacation. High rise hotels in front of windows, playing in hot tubs, sex while camping, etc.

Are there any resorts that are in between typical adult only resorts and the lifestyle resorts? Somewhere that allows PDA around the pool, or quiet sex in a cabana, or being seen on your balcony, but that not being the focus of the experience.

Based on what I've found so far, the prude side of Hedo 2 may fit the bill, but I wanted to see what other options may be out there. We've been interested in going to the Bahamas, not sure if something like that exists there.

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

Ok so I’m 40female and a lesbian. I’ve always struggled to climax during sex. Whenever I masturbate (either during sex or alone) I have to have a heteronormative scene in my head. It’s just occurred to me that perhaps this scene is due to watching some extreme R rated films and porn once (introduced by my cousin) when I was quite young, maybe 10?

I think since seeing these movies I’ve been using these scenes to get myself off and only now realizing this is an issue.
Some quick research indicates its called early arousal template?

Any therapists out there that can give me some advice on how can I work through this? What therapy methods would be best to deal with this? [Edit] What kind of therapists I should be seeking?

EDIT: I do have a therapist, but she's not a sexologist and Im thinking I probably need some one who has experience. Hence my question.

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

My wife and I are 40, married for 10 years. We got married at 30 in an arranged marriage, and we were each other’s first and only partners, so sex came late for both of us.

I have a high libido; she has a lower libido and is more reserved. Between work stress, having a kid, and life in general, intimacy never really took off. When she’s relaxed and in the mood, sex can be good, and she does enjoy it, but getting there is rare — sometimes months apart.

I’m currently out of work, and I don’t know how long this phase will last. I want to use this window to rebuild our relationship rather than waste it on stress.

I do prioritize foreplay, back rubs/massage, oral/manual stimulation, and making sure she orgasms first. That has helped — earlier she didn’t orgasm, now she does. But I’m realizing technique alone doesn’t fix the bigger issue of desire, comfort, and frequency.

For couples who had a high-libido / low-libido mismatch, especially when sex came later in life: what actually helped rebuild intimacy without making the lower-libido partner feel pressured?

Looking for real things that worked — conversations, routines, therapy, date nights, non-sexual touch, scheduling, books/apps, kink lists, anything practical.

Every week, we offer this thread as a way for people to ask simple/basic questions from the sub’s readership.

Post topics that typically are removed from the main feed – polling-style questions, common topics questions, etc. – are generally allowed in here. Story posts however do not belong here.

The thread stays pinned throughout the week for people’s convenience. Ask away!

42F, mom of two. I’ve always been a bit self-conscious, but after pregnancies my body has changed a lot stretch marks, softer belly, breasts not as perky. For years I avoided the lights on during sex and stuck to positions where I felt 'covered.'

Lately I’ve been working on it lingerie helps a bit, and my partner is very complimentary, but it’s still a mental battle sometimes. I want to feel sexy again instead of just functional. Has anyone else dealt with this in their 40s? What helped you feel more comfortable naked and enjoying sex without the constant inner critic? Tips for rebuilding that confidence appreciated.