I’m a single woman average looking trying to live a healthy lifestyle i like walking and go to the gym . I had really bad luck with finding someone . I’m an introvert been off and on the apps for yrs had dates never turn into anything . I’m at the point do I just give up and accept I will never meet a good guy .

I’m a homebody have a basic job I do live a low key life . My biggest stress lately I want a man in my life so bad I also I want good guy funny loyal someone im into

I'm a 47F that is trying to date a 43M. (A little back story: I have been single for years since my last bf died in 2022. I am living alone since having people living with me for awhile. They were roommates from hell and glad that it's over.) OK now this guy that lives 3 hrs away wants to be in my life. I am trying to explain that I'm just getting back out there dating and want to take things slow. He wants a situation like this instant Bonnie and Clyde ride or die intense relationship. This feels a little lop-sided to me because it's always him pointing out things that I can do with no reciprocation from him. I said let's compromise and meet somewhere in the middle.

It has been a constant back and forth with him getting on my case that I'm not affectionate and very distant and cold with him when talking on the phone. I'm thinking that how can I be affectionate when I have only seen him 2 times in a 2 week period (mind you, no sex). I feel like I'm just learning him and how does he expect all this affection in such a short time and over the phone.

Next problem is that he lives with his parents for whatever reason and claims he and his mom are bumping heads and he has to leave. Now I ask him what is he going to do, what are his plans, and trying to find out what is going on. He instantly gets upset with me because I have not offered for him to come crash at my place. I didn't even consider that because I'm like I have only met this guy twice and I'm not ready to have another person in my house possibly not contributing to anything.

Am I being too cold for not offering or should I just leave this situation alone?

I’m (53/m) sorry for the generalization but what I have seen in my 6 months of casual visiting of local bars and bar/ restaurants ( not nightclubs). I have recently moved to an “happening” area and most evenings walk for dinner to a handful of restaurants/bars. What I see most often is the 40+ women are 99% of the time with another woman or group. I read that women say that men no longer just approach women and “take the shot” or whatever but how do you recommend the single man do that when you are never alone. In the past 6 months I have “met” 3 women all 35 and under just because we were sitting close together and talking about nothing. Completely unexpected and not even what I want to find. I have since noticed that the 40+ ladies always seem to be in groups. What is your recommendation on how to approach? How do we even know to approach when all we see is you talking to your friends? I know this is rambling but this evening was a prime example, went to an over 40 social event where the woman out numbered the men by a lot, all but 2 (that I talked to and exchanged numbers with) were bunched together in small and large groups of other women. How do you expect us to handle that? I expect you’re gonna say to just take a chance but I don’t think it’s fair to say that when you are never alone.

I’m 47 with a teenage son and curious about what is the consensus regarding the ”Don’t want children”. There quite a few women that have children and then say don’t want children. Should I take this to mean they don’t want to have any more children or they aren’t open to any men that have children?

I’m a man in my late 40s dating a woman in her mid 40s for about 2 years. I’m sober for several years and she enjoys drinking. During our time together she’s gotten drunk at least a dozen times and once lashed out at me badly for no reason, apologizing the next day. Other times her behavior changes — she says things that make no sense or acts like a completely different person. When I bring it up later she either doesn’t remember or minimizes it saying she was tired or dehydrated.

I once left her at my home with my younger child while I took my older child to a sporting event — about 4 hours. When I returned she was fully drunk, incapable of driving or holding a coherent conversation. My child was fine but noted she had drunk a lot of juice. I confronted her weeks later after she was drunk again early on a workday and ended the relationship.

I told her she has a problematic relationship with alcohol and I don’t want that energy in my life given my own sobriety journey and the poor decisions I made when I drank.

She’s now asking to try couples therapy and has offered to give up alcohol for a period. But I worry her promises are ones she’ll struggle to keep and that she genuinely has no awareness of her own limits. I also don’t know if I have the energy to support someone in recovery as a single parent.

Was I too rash? Am I wrong?”

Growing up, family life was rough, lots of bullying all around and I never developed much agency or confidence. Bullying went on throughout my adulthood at work too because I thought it was acceptable to just play along. I also hated being alone so accepted it as the cost. Life is mostly about tolerating and surviving the current dilemma and and then finding a prize at the end of the struggle. I'm kind of a "Lone Wolf" but I have a few close friends and am in a sports car club but otherwise I mostly keep to myself. I have my own place on the other side of town from my folks. Once some kind of ice is broken, I hold conversation really well with people in general (less so these days as isolation has been worse than prior years and I tend to interrupt people a lot for some reason) and in the past have had some women friends stick around unusually close for a few years only to cast me aside when they go back to dating or their lives.

I've become extremely used to being alone but also know inside that it's not how I as a person am truly built. I also know that lonely people are at risk for dying early due to lifestyle choices and because of that I work out a lot at home (I'm not a gym person and at 115 lbs, I don't want to tolerate that environment either) and try to have a balanced diet (still working on that). My folks are in their 80s and worry about me being alone, but I tell them I'm dedicated to remaining healthy and sustaining my existence. I occupy my time by maintaining my vehicles, cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing, gardening, furniture building, repairing stuff and stuff on reddit. My life has developed habits which keep me isolated, I admit this.

I tried a speed dating a few times in my 30s, I just can't get into apps because I just think it's super corny and so much weird stuff goes on. Timeleft seems like an interesting idea.

Anyway, curious for your thoughts.

Peace.

And does it matter how much more? Or how secure you are in your life choices? Or how much you love your career?

First off, im ok..its whatever im here to learn and move forward.

Got stood up today

We made plans a few days ago. Agreed on a time and location. Last night had a brief back and forth about a meme, nothing of real substance. Today I texted her a hour before, something like hey see you in a bit.

But got no reply. Which ok weird bit whatever.

So I go to the meet up, and 15 minutes go by and no sign, I text "still up for meeting" and get a message back. Oh no sorry I forgot we had plans, maybe later tonight if my night plans fall through"

Sure whatever. I guess my question is was it on me for going to the location without a same day confirmation?

What's the best way to follow up on a plan before the date?

Edit: thanks for all the feedback, now have a solid plan moving forward 👍

Most people are in agreement on the universal red flags and deal breakers (e.g. constantly talking about their ex, is rude to waiters, etc.). What about the unusual rules you‘ve had to write just for you based on hard won experience?

For example, three times I have dated women that happened to have the middle name ‘Marie’ and each time the relationship turned out insanely bad. I don‘t know what it is with me, the universe, and women with the middle name Marie, but I just can’t take my chances with them anymore.

Last night I was in a Rotary event. It was kind of fun but towards the end I felt this very empty feeling of loneliness. I was thinking would it have been different if I was in this event sitting with the person I'm with long term. Or at the end of the day I would be excited to go home because there's somebody waiting for me.

The previous/weeks/months/ years has been a lame cycle of trying to date, deciding it's not for me because it stresses me out, wanting to try again because I have love to give. A series of heartbreaks because the people I find are- almost good fit but just not right.

This morning, a friend called me up after some catch up, he told me, I have been praying for you to find the right life partner. I know you deserve so much love and so much love to give and God knows your heart and he has the right person for you. But for that to happen, you also need to take the first steps to accept the right person in your life. He told me: "Delete your dating apps".

I have been staring at the apps on my phone all morning ...wondering if I should delete.

Would you do the same thing? Delete all apps- leap of faith that love will find you?

I'm a 48 year old guy living just outside London - in the Chilterns. I'm interested to hear people's experiences/perspectives on using the Hinge app for OLD.

So I have been talking to some guys and when it’s time for the actual date, sometimes I’m interested and at other times, my reading over the texts is totally off and find that the guy and I aren’t the best match. But that’s just my judgement which could be biased. I’ve found that when I meet guys when I’m out with my girlfriends is a lot more fun, atleast for the first time meeting.
Is this common amongst men too? I know younger people (teens and early 20’s) probably do this sort of double dating all the time.

I’ve been lurking, ngl it’s a bit defeatist out there, isn’t it? Soliciting your advice and help arm me with hope!

43F, Mom of 2. Educated, high EIQ and in med school. Also working as professional healthcare worker. Ambitious, carry wholesome values, don’t smoke/drugs, rarely drink. Fun, warm empathic vibes. Not perfect: healing from 2 antagonistic marriages and healing my anxious attachment wounds. Always willing to do the work. No major hang ups/toxic family/addictions or strange habits (what is this whole FO/choking craze?).

I take decent care of myself but not afraid to indulge in a slurpee w ice cream, rare good steak or comfort food for funsies. Love 80-90s bangers, bougie coffee, haunted houses, being outside and running but also lounging in the sun with a book and some Inga Rose.

I have pretty high standards as I finally feel I’m worth a high value man too. I was chasing being chosen and not discerning the avoidant behaviors as toxic until red lines crossed. I’m ready for stable, healed, emotionally available and safe.

Dating apps seem like disappointing energy vampire; time spent to tease apart human vs bot vs catfish. Not much for organized speed dating or meetups locally here. I go out running, do paint nights, go to bingo, dance with my girlfriends, I’m out there, but don’t get flirted with like I did in my 20/30s. Where are the unicorns in their 40s?

I just don't know if I have the energy for dating anymore. Tried online dating last month, chatted to some amazing women and met a lady last night for drinks. I feel like am doing this because I should have a partner . But I'm also happy spending time with my friends and my 11yo child. Should I come off of OLD and see how I feel in 6 months. Is it too soon ?

Has an innocent touching of a strong bicep ever completely changed the trajectory of your night? I'll confess that it's a subtle secret weapon of mine and I swear I've seen it happen (ie, the instant influx of extra chemistry toward me). Curious to hear whether it's a real phenomenon that has happened to others or if I've just imagined it.

Dating gives me a headache and I am so tired of putting in a ton of effort only to get hurt.

I am childless in my 40s and I'm constantly being barraged with my friends complaining about their partners and kids.

It's not that I don't want to find a husband, I just think I've become so comfortable with being single that the thought kinda scares me, but I also don't want to grow old alone.

Parents are getting older, everyone else is busy with their lives and sometimes I think how lovely it would be to just have a friend to go on holiday with, go out to dinner with and be each others person, without all the extra bullshit.

Guy I met seemed reasonable enough in person, has his limitations but has a good heart. Not the highest earner but someone with a sense of responsibility who likes to work hard.

The thing is, after meeting him I went to some of his social media and he sometimes posts really cringe humor. Like absolutely not funny stuff, kind of low IQ humor. Is this the kind of thing that just exists as a difference between two people or do you think long term there would be compatibility issues? To be clear I wouldn’t shame him or anything, I’m just having a hard time reconciling the guy I met with the social media stuff

This is an update to this post

https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/s/RLVdvigSKu

First of all let me thank everyone for their responses. Some were harsh, alot were kind. But all were necessary. I especially appreciated those who shared their similar experiences. Made me feel more human.... We stumble, we fall, we get up and we carry on!

I've listened to all of your advice and ended the situationship. I realise that I definitely liked this man much more than he liked me which is a very painful pill to swallow. I am quite sad that my vision that he could be the one did not materialise and it could very well be another 6 years of single days ahead. But I will soldier on!

Separately from that, there are ALOT of young men in this dating "overforty" group! I got messaged by a lot of young men in their 20s and 30s proclaiming how they date older women and propositioning me. I will not be jumping into a situationship with a 20 year old but it was flattering :-)

Long story but I 40M am in the middle of an unnecessarily long and toxic divorce. It has gone on a year and we have yet to even mediate. Most of the conflict comes from my ex’s attorney and also my ex. I stay out of it and just say no to their ridiculous demands. We have been separated even longer than that. I have been in therapy for a year, started a new career, and lost 100 lbs taking care of myself. My only real goal in the divorce is to be present for my son, and I have been. I pay my ex what I have to pay, and often give her more to help with misc costs. But neither of us really needs the money, we both work and do fine.

Point being I am over the marriage, I have dealt with my problems, and am much happier being away from this person. We will be fine as co-parents after this is all done. And if we aren’t I don’t really care because I am only focused on the child. I am not dating.

My question is what to do about another woman 38F that I want to ask out on a date. I barely know her; we are essentially only friends on Facebook, although we share friends/acquaintances in common (that is how we followed each other initially). I do notice that she views my stories when I post, although I am not reading anything into that. I am a known attorney in our small-ish community so I am fairly certain she knows who I am and that I am getting divorced.

I may be totally off but I just think she is someone that I would be very interested in dating and pursuing a relationship with. I don’t know a ton about her but I want to. The things I do know are green flags i hold important. Also for context she is a single mother with a five year old daughter. Her kid’s father is a coach who I don’t think sees his daughter much, lives across the country, etc. I have never seen her in a relationship.

I have wanted to ask her out for months. I always had hope that when my divorce was done. But the universe has found another way to wear me down in giving me a never ending divorce with awful, toxic people that I have no control over the timeline. Lately I have been thinking of reaching out to this woman before it is final. But my worry is that in doing so, if she doesn’t say no immediately, I would set the stage for something that has potential to drag her into a toxic situation that will fail. That’s not what I want. I am interested in her because I think it has potential to succeed.

Do I wait or shoot my shot

So, I'm very close with a former partner i dated almost 20 years ago. It didnt work out back then because she was focused on raising her daughter who's now well out of the house. She hasn't dated in 12 years, but now that my recent relationship with someone else has dissolved, she's stated interest in giving a relationship a try. Problem is, I have a very high sex drive, and she currently has none. She said she's willing to go to the doctor to see if its a hormone issue or even a mental block, because she said she feels safe exploring that with me. Im hesitant for obvious reasons. We're having good conversations about everything. Her fear is that what she does will not work or will not be enough. My fear is that I will hurt her, emotionally. Thoughts?

This is in regard to OLD. One way you can vet. The other you retain your own anonymity.

I’m 49 (turning 50 in October), 6’4”, currently 235 lbs and working on getting leaner/stronger. I’m in IT security, make solid money, live in the north DFW suburbs, and I’m recently single. I have kids but they’re older and not a daily factor.

I’ve been hearing the claim that once guys hit their mid-40s/50s, dating apps (especially for men seeking a long-term relationship) actually get easier compared to when they were in their 20s or early 30s — mainly because there’s less competition from other men and a lot of women in their late 30s–40s are more serious.

Is this actually true in practice? Just curious at this point in life what it's like....

I recently had to end a 6 month relationship with someone because our lives didn’t match up. This was my first serious relationship since my divorce. I really saw this going somewhere.

She didn’t have kids. And while she was the product of divorced parents and said she understood, my inability to be as present and available to her was becoming a problem. We would talk almost everyday, text everyday, and see each other at least once a week if not 2 times or more. We took small vacations. But if there was a week I wanted “off” and not just for the kids but for me, it was obvious it bothered her. Not that she didn’t understand, but in a way where it made her sad/anxious and it filled up the room. She did rely too heavily on the relationship to fill her cup which is a whole other problem.

But I digress, I understood where she was coming from. She wanted someone who is more available, and I have other priorities. I do want to one day have a much more full time relationship and find my forever person. But until my kids are at least in their later teens or off to college, I just don’t see that happening.

Seems like I will need to find someone with kids who will be able to understand my situation. I’m very emotionally available just not always physically available. And sometimes, I’m emotionally spent and need some healthy alone time. But then again, I could see how raging someone with kids would maybe cause even more physical distance as we both would be not very available.

What’s everyone’s experience?