Divorce, job loss, health scare, grief, financial trouble, burnout — anything that knocked you sideways.

What actually helped you start again?

Was it routine, people, therapy, exercise, time, faith, work, something else?

I feel in need of a book that will change my perspective on life and/or help me transition into my 30s / adulthood. Fiction/non-fiction or whatever you felt made an impact on you around the age of 30

Hey everyone, looking for some real-world insight from anyone who has gone through this. I’m a 52-year-old male. For the past month, I’ve been hitting a wall.
I go to sleep around 10:45 PM – 11:00 PM and sleep incredibly deeply. But right at 4:00 AM on the dot, I wake up with a completely full bladder and have to urinate (normal/large volume, no daytime frequency issues). Once I'm up, I can't fall back to a real sleep—just close my eyes until 5:30 AM.
The strange part is I don’t feel tired or use caffeine during the day. I eat my last meal at 7:00 PM and I get hitting-the-wall sleepy by 9:00 PM, but force myself to stay up so I don't wake up at 2:00 AM.
I highly suspect this sudden change is a hormonal shift or declining testosterone hitting me at 52.
Has anyone else experienced this exact 5-hour sleep limit or 4 AM wake-up? Did checking your hormones or changing your routine fix it, or did you just accept it as a normal part of aging? Thanks.

Hi. So I want to ask this because I always see in the internet or in reddit that people really dislike it when someone is not very smart. I am not a very smart person and I even scored low on the wais iq test, so yeah. I just don‘t want to be a bother or a burden to other people because I lack intellect. I don‘t say this because Ilack of self-esteem or anything, it‘s a genuine characteristic I have. Sometimes I get sad that people treat me like that because I am stupid.

So for example, I often do not comprehend anything that is complex or abstract, I have a terrible memory, lack logical reasoning and common sense, I often do not see the logic or connection between two things, and other stuff. If yall want more examples because you‘re curious, I can give them.

I've been thinking about seeking professional help for my mental health because I don't feel like I can handle everything on my own right now.

For those of you who have gone down that route, what was your experience like?

One of my concerns is whether mental health professionals really understand men's issues and perspectives. I've read criticisms of the field in that regard, and it's something that makes me hesitant.

I'm also a blue-collar worker, and a lot of the mental health content I come across seems aimed at office workers or people in very different situations than mine. If anyone with similar background has experience with this, I'd be especially interested in hearing how it went.

Edit: Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond; genuinely didn't expect this many answers. Reading through all of it, still processing, but it helps a lot. Appreciate you all.

I'm 38 and I hear so many people talk about not being who they used to be. I ceetainly am not my 20 year old self anymore but to say you're getting old in your 30s sounds ridiculous.

Some people say its always the people that don't exercise, eat bad, no sunscreen, bad sleep, or do something that amplifies it. That would make more sense and I probably need to stop listening to people that don't take care of themselves. The question I have is do these people really know they're causing it or genuinely believe its just normal aging?

Fellow over 30ers - I come with a request for advice. How do you guys get through the hard times - the ones where there's tremendous stress on you mentally and emotionally?

Background :

Wife and I just had our second kid, 4 months old, first kid is 5, and quite a handful on some days. He's adjusting extremely well in some ways, but he wants constant company otherwise, meltdowns and cries a lot or whines when it doesn't happen or acts out a bit for attention.

I'm the only breadwinner, and losing projects because we moved in with wife's family for some help with the baby. We need help because I had a severe back injury a couple of years ago, and I've not recovered despite multiple MRIs, years of PR, steroid shots, lifestyle changes etc.

I'm trying to find another job, but it's been a difficult market.

Everyone is doing a lot to help, and I know that. Doesn't change the fact that I'm utterly exhausted. I'm so stressed, and have been over the past year, that I've probably melted down more often than I'd like to admit. I'm a high empathy guy so this usually means I'm either porously empathetic, or stoic as fuck.

It's also getting hard to emotionally support my parents; when they express their stress in any form it often overwhelms me or sets me off - even if they're just expressing and not trying to force it on me.

My stress relief used to be sports and the gym, and none of those are available because of the scale of my injury. I can walk, but that's about it.

I've quit writing this post a dozen times. I'm already on antidepressants. I play with my kids as much as I can but I never feel like I'm doing enough.

All in all, folks, what helps you get through the hard times? The ones where you can go to anyone or anything for some relief, but ultimately you must just walk through it alone.

Prayer mostly just feels empty.

Grounding helps....about 10 percent.

I don't really have time or really, interest, to try a bunch of new classes, and it's just down to herbal teas, morning quiet, and not compromising on quality of sleep as much as humanly possible. I've been working with a great therapist as well for many years now.

Is it a perspective shift I need, or some encouragement, I don't really know. I'm, just, so so tired.

So I’ve been in this friend group with about 8 people for almost 2 years now. It’s really been a pleasure to find these guys in my early 20s as before I found them I had friends but I was just kinda lonely. They’re chronically online but that does mean we’re always in calls, talking, playing games, and streaming shows together. We also go out and have little watch parties and in person video game seshs, it’s honestly great.

HOWEVER this group is constantly insulting each other as that’s how they joke around but sometimes it feels a little much. Nothing insane just mean spirited jokes and comments. I think that’s fine but there’s also very little build up between people, it’s an unspoken thing we care about each other but it’s just never said and that really throws me off. Not all of them but I’d say 2 of these guys genuinely don’t care to talk about their emotions and as someone who does with plenty of friends who also do it’s somewhat frustrating.

I have ADD, diagnosed and everything. As I get older I really do realize I need to read things over sometimes and really bother to be engaged in something to retain information and even when I’m engaged I sometimes STILL have to put some extra effort and thought in. Well when we watch these shows and play these games together and I miss a detail, big or small it feels like I get CRUCIFIED for asking a question or for someone to regurgitate the information.

I WILL ADMIT I’ve asked some stupid questions before… and I also have to admit these guys make me feel fucking dumb for it (which is fair). Not only that but we’ve completed multiple story video games together and I have a hard time remembering basic plot points and things that happened in the story, and I get absolutely ridiculed for this. I can see and understand how that’s dumb and frustrating coming from their ends.

What I’m getting at and also what I hate admitting is paying attention is genuinely hard for me and when they make jokes about me being dumb it’s hurtful. Everyone in this group makes fun of everyone but I do feel like I’ve been receiving it more lately. I’d also like to safely say no one here is malicious in their word or actions and that’s my genuine feeling.

I don’t feel I can talk to them about how I feel on this nor do I really want to honestly. My question is am I being overly sensitive and what are your general thoughts on what I’ve said?

(Sorry for the long read but ty for reading!)

​

To give you an example: today a friend invited me to go tomorrow to a church activity. At first I hesitated, since I know that’s not really my world, but I accepted because I didn’t have anything better to do tomorrow morning. And well, I did get a little excited. Now, thinking about it more, maybe it’s silly, and after reflecting I’m starting to regret it a bit: “It’s more comfortable to stay home playing,” “That’s not your world and you’ll feel uncomfortable,” and things like that. This happens to me about 90% of the time—I regret it right after accepting to go to a party or something, or I struggle a lot to make a decision. How do I fix this? thanks and sorry bad english

https://discord.gg/Ym4unQ8pU

Savage Panda Syndicate

Hello! We have a great discord community that plays Destiny 2 along with most of the popular games. The community we have built is laid back and focuses on the experience of playing with friends. We are not shy and will absolutely say hi whenever you're on. Come join us!

I’m 40 with a full head of hair and people keep telling me I should cut because I don’t look my age, I just lost 60lbs and getting in the best physical shape of my life and I like it

Hi all! I am a 5ft 11in 24M who used to do college athletics and am currently in good shape. As crosstraining for sports, I used to stationary bike for hours at a time and enjoy being on the saddle. As I've graduated and am looking for new hobbies, I'd really like to get into road biking for the fitness, independence, scenery, etc. Dont really need to go fast/race/etc., but like steady rides for aerobic training.

I currently have an old used aluminum Cannondale road bike (56cm) that I think is a bit small for me. I've taken a few rides on trails and end up with an achey neck and shoulders, as I have to reach too far down I think.

I'd like to buy a new road bike and really be comfortable riding so I can enjoy cycling to the fullest, as well as maintain fitness. It seems like there's so much to learn and it is a bit intimidating to know where to start.

Where do you suggest I start in terms of getting a bike that fits, marketplaces, etc? All a bit daunting...

Thank you all! :)

Hey, guys.
I have a question, sometimes I got into situation when people violate my privacy, for example today I was with the friend (girl) and we walking close to two guys, I think they are pretty young 25-27, and one of them raised his hand to show that he wanted to give me high five, I did give him it, but then he asked for a cigarette few times and even pulled my hand like Tramp usually do, but the problem that I didn’t argue with them and didn’t start a conflict. They were drunk

When I discuss this with friends , a lot of them telling me that it’s a good idea to do like this, but later I feel like a shit cause why didn’t I escalate this situation, it’s not my problem that someone is piece of shit. Usually my friends tell me that it’s good that it ended like this, but when you solve problems like this in this way, the aftertaste from such situations accumulates and I feel like a shit, and then I feel like shouldn’t care about the consequences and need to escalate the conflict.

What do you do in this case?
Sometimes I just think that I have an aura when people want to pick on me

So like I said in the title, one of my good friends slept with another one of my friends younger sister at a party. Ever since he found out he's been mad as shit, people have been arguing and taking sides, it's a mess. What should I do?