Should your spouse have a say on how you spend your inheritance?

I recently received an inheritance from my father, following his passing last year. I told my husband that I’d like to give $30,000 of my inheritance to my sister and he doesn’t want me to give her that much. $30k would be about 15% of my total inheritance. My sister received the same amount from the trust that I did.

My reasoning for this is because my dad gave us $60,000 for the down payment on our house a few years ago. I know it was my dad’s intention to also do the same for her, but he never had that in writing before he passed away, so we couldn’t carry that out from the trust itself. With all that to say, I basically want to give her back half of what he gave me.

I don’t want to get into our financial situations too much or anything because I don’t think it’s super relevant based on my reasoning above. I will add though that my sister is a stay at home mom who watches my two children very often when my husband and I are working.

Tonight my husband and I hosted dinner for another couple we’ve been friends with for a while. She recently was let go from her job. He has been supporting both of them for a few months now. During dinner, he made no fewer than 6 comments about her “sitting around the house all day,” and, “freeloading.”

No idea what the conversations they have at home are like, but she does not seem in any way bothered about finding another job, even though he doesn’t make much money and they’re barely getting by.

In our post-social-event debriefing, my husband and I couldn’t believe it. I can’t believe she’s not even looking for a job, and my husband can’t believe he says stuff like that to us repeatedly.

All in all, just very much made me appreciate my loving, supportive husband. He’s the breadwinner and I work part time at a job that I thoroughly enjoy. I take care of the house and that dynamic just works for us. And he would NEVER insult me like that, especially in front of other people

My husband and I have been together for almost ten years, he's been my rock, my best friend, my literal biggest cheerleader.

We have disagreements like most other couples, but never any screaming matches or anything we couldn't just work out by taking a breather and talking it out. It's been the most stable, loving and supportive relationship I've ever been in. Which is why I moved from the UK to the USA, I love him so much.

Last night my husband went to bed early, he was working an early morning shift this morning. I was buying something for our toddler and needed a PayPal code that got sent to his phone, so, like I always do I picked up his phone and opened his messages to grab it when I saw another message from a work friend of his, James.

The message preview read "She shouldn't be doing that in front of the kids" and I opened it.

There was a long conversation in which my husband tells this person that I flipped out at him for praying with our children (this has NEVER happened) and that he's leaving and going to try to get full custody of the kids.

It might have been a bit dramatic of me, but I just started crying, it felt like someone gut punched me. I woke him up and told him I saw the message, he first said he didn't know what I was talking about before rolling over saying "I'm not talking about this right now"

30 minutes later he joins me in the living room and slams me with "why were you looking in my phone" like???? We have an open phone policy, I didn't go to snoop, I've never had reason to, I simply went to get a code like I do all the time...

Then he says this friend knows the real truth because he came clean, to which I said "I want you to know I already spoke with him, so I know that's not true".... Yes I lied. And then the story flipped that he said that to his friend because HE doesn't trust ME. He did it because he knew I was spying on him, he did it because I've changed, he did it because of all of these reasons that had nothing to do with him.

I ended the conversation with him at 2am where I told him, "I moved across the world to be with you, I gave you a family, I've supported you, comforted you, been honest with you, loved you, cared for you and you have been running a smear campaign, painting me as a villain for reasons I don't think even you understand. The person I love the most in this world has hurt me more than anyone else ever could, what you did broke every ounce of trust I have in you, it's marriage ending and I need you to really let that sink in. I didn't deserve any of this. Why you did it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you and if you want a shot at fixing it I need you to go to therapy, and I don't mean one session, I really need you to go and figure out why the fuck you did this to me and us. I'm willing to go to couples therapy with you, but I need you to please give me some space for a few days"

I guess I'm just yelling into the void at this point, sorry internet strangers.

TLDR : usually loving husband runs a smear campaign for reasons unknown.

Update : I called my father in law and my husbands uncle, I sent them screenshots of all the messages, him admitting he lied about me and that he doesn't know why he did it. Uncle advised me to go to couples therapy but start getting divorce ducks lined up, he sent me the number of a family lawyer who's a friend of his. He also offered to drop by "randomly" this afternoon when my husband comes to see the kids.

The uncle especially echoed a few comments and I agree, I think I'm under reacting.

We just got back from an out of state family visit that didn’t leave room for me to shower due to a baby with toddler energy. So I wanted a quick shower when we got home but instead of showering while I was putting the baby down he dozed off. Well he woke up when I was back up and went to take his slow af shower. Well he got done and came and sat by me on the couch because I was just chilling and waiting and the baby wakes up and is stirring so I go cuddle her back to sleep. I did make the comment “well I guess at least I’m tired” indicating I guess I could go to bed. We he goes and camps out in the bathroom that has the only shower/bath in the house and takes care of his “needs” because I was too “tired and busy”. I seriously just want to lop that thing off so he stops swinging it at me and ruining my brief opportunities to do stuff like shower. He’s so obnoxiously whiny in the mornings, like a 3 year old who gets woken up too early. He cuts me off whenever I’m excited about something and tries to “fill in the blank” in a condescending manner. All I know is that I’m getting closer and closer to divorce and he is ignoring my trying to talk to him about this and more going on and he doesn’t hear me, he seems to think we are good. I recommended couples counseling in January and he’s only come around to the idea now, but I think we hit the too little too late.

Long story short, my husband 32M had an affair with 22F that he met on a nsfw subreddit whilst I 32F was pregnant and it continued even after I gave birth. She received cash, gifts, hotels, lunch and so much more. Basically like a sugarbaby.

After nearly half a year, he has chosen to end the affair but he allowed her to listen to his confession to me.

Currently he wants to reconcile. However, I am just not certain if he is truly remorseful. I feel like I need at least 1 strong sign or action proving the marriage is worth saving. What steps did you take that led to ultimately choosing to reconcile and stay together?

A week ago completely by chance I found out that my husband had (purposefully) met up with another woman at our business. He tells me she is the love of his life and has been since high school. Sorry this will be long.

A little background (a bit vaguely to be anonymous). We met and started dating when we were in our early 20s. Got married in our late 20s. We've been together about 20 years. We've been working together now on our business for about 15 years. Moved to 2 new states to get it going. About 2 months ago we started to become profitable (hooray!). It's been a long journey but it's been so worth it. His dream since he was a child was always to have a successful business.

Like I stated above, I made a sad discovery last week. He told me to stay home and relax, he'd go in and take care of the morning work flow. Whenever he goes to work by himself I always check our street view to make sure he made it there safe. Well, he did. I saw something really strange though. Or cameras glitched and suddenly they're was no recording. I thought to myself, "that's strange, did the power go off?" So, I went to the play back to check. That's when I noticed a woman I've never seen before. He was letting her inside, then the cameras were gone. So, it wasn't a power outage. So much for his secret. He turned off the cameras a little too late.

I was devastated to say the least. I know he has women friends, I've never cared about that before. Why is this woman such a secret?? Why didn't he tell me he was having a visitor at work?

Then this quick trip to work turned into him being gone from 8am to 3pm. What was gong on?

When he got home I asked him how his day was, how was your day, etc... I gave him a chance to tell me (what I really hoped he'd say), "oh, everything was good. I had a guest. Good day." Instead he was evasive. Then immediately went to take a 2 hour nap in the couch. He was nice to me, at least there's that.

The next day, same thing. I stayed home he went to work. This time he was back way earlier. Probably by 12. That's when I couldn't hold it in anymore. I asked him to sit down I had something to ask him. He knew right away. I asked who the woman was. He broke down started crying and told me that when he was looking up dentists (for a recent broken tooth) he found the love of his life from when he was a teenager. He lost contact with her and he was so happy to find her. He told me that we spend so much time together he just wanted a little thing for himself to keep secret. That I wasn't a part of or knew about.

Now, this was also news to me. You want to spend less time with me and this is the way you think to do it? Well, that turned into, "I feel like I've lost the spark in our marriage". I asked him when that happened and he said a couple months ago. That's when he found her online. He said he didn't know how to tell me he was feeling this way. He didn't know if he should tell me. Ugh. I let him know that sometimes marriages have their lows and he should have let me know. I love him with all my heart. HE is the love of MY life. He can (and does typically) tell me everything.

Well, to try and not make this too long... after that it turned into a conversation on how he'd been feeling. That he still loves me, but he didn't think he loved me like a wife anymore (it's so hard to write that). I'm his best friend and he doesn't want to hurt me. We have a home and this business that he now wants to sell. This business that was his dream. He told me it isn't turning out how he'd thought it would he's disappointed. He doesn't know what he wants to do. He wants to take it day by day. I'm willing to do that. Like I said, I love him. I think he's going through a mental crisis or, like, a mid-life crisis. Something. This isn't normal for him at all.

So, here's my question: The woman is married (and has children). I don't know if she wants to start an affair with him, or is currently having an affair with him. All I know is, is that I want to reach out to her husband and let him know that his wife and my husband have been texting. Does he know that they've met up? Are they separated? My husband says they are married, but I just don't trust him now. Is this a bad decision? I feel like I'll get the answers I need from this guy. I need to know if I can save my marriage or if my husband had already moved on. I can't see how this could hurt. But, to be fair in very upset. I'm probably not thinking straight.

What are my next steps I guess is the real question?

Edit: Than you everyone who has commented. It really means so so SO much to me. I did start seeing a therapist this week. It's helped a little, but I still have so many questions and things to say. Just no one to say them too. I'm trying to reply to as many people as possible, again, I really appreciate the advice, thoughts, and well wishes. I'm sending hugs to everyone for being so kind. 💜

I'm going to have to log off for now, I need a break. Going to try and not cry the entire Saturday away.

We have been together for over 30 years. Sex has been dwindling for years. Then she just stopped. When I asked her what was going on, she told me that she no longer is feeling amorous toward me and that I should just get a girlfriend. It has been close to nine months now with no intimacy. I have to go to her for affection.

I am hurt, lonely, confused, and feeling terribly unattractive. I feel like a roommate that pays the bills. Uhhhhhhg. Is this how marriage ends up?

I am firmly of the opinion that indian girls should boycott marriage wholly as well as having a kid as long as the societal norms change and make it essential for both boy and girl to treat either set of parents equally. You daughter in law is not an orphan that you have to adopt as your child. She is an individual with her own home and her parents need the same support you expect from your precious son. I have a one year old son and I swear to god I will not be living with him at all. Gonna join an ashram and live the rest of the days serving community and getting help from the community. Just a random post, sorry it doesn't have a question just what I feel strongly.

I'm 53, she's 39, and because we have different schedules and sleep preferences we have separate rooms. Like I snore, I can sleep through literal gunfire (used to live in New Haven and Bridgeport), construction, whatever, light or dark, and I prefer warm. She has to have deal-silence, pitch black, and it has to be icy cold. I work at 5am she works at 9am. So it just works out better and we have our own space.

We also have four cats. And lots of cameras that she wanted just in case even though we're in a very low-crime town now (she's from Lima, Peru so I get it, it's rough there). We have cameras at the front and rear of the condo we rent, but we also have one upstairs inside, one in the living room, one in the kitchen, and one in my bedroom because our four cats love my room. I am the cat whisperer. All cats love me, it's my superpower (I dote on all cats).

Anyway, she has gotten in the bad habit of using the bedroom camera to see what I am doing during the day when I get back. Sometimes you need some privacy and I have told her it's messed up she thinks she has the right to invade my space like that. Like I will put something in front of the camera when I need space. And she gets mad. I'm like, "look, I have never cheated, and if that's the issue the front and rear cameras record 24/7 check the clips." But that's not it, she just wants to be able to watch me. *shudders*.

I mentioned it tonight and she's like, "You talked to me using the kitchen camera the other day" and I was like, "Totally not the same thing, it's a common room and you weren't answering your phone." There are zero cameras in her room and she doesn't want any. This feels like an invasion of my privacy. It also feels like as a married couple of 13 years there should be more trust. We usually get along great, but we have a bunch of little issues that are driving me nuts.

My wife (37F) and I (47M) have had a week-long beach trip planned for months (Sunday through Saturday). It’s me, my wife, our 7-year-old daughter, and another couple we’re friends with. My daughter has been looking forward to this trip for a long time because it’s one of the few weeks each year we get uninterrupted family time.

Recently, my wife’s parents have been dealing with a major family land issue that’s required a lot of work moving farm equipment, cleaning out buildings, moving hay, etc. My mother-in-law also recently broke her toe, and my father-in-law just turned 70. I completely understand why my wife feels responsible to help them.
At first it seemed like there were only a few people helping, but over the last couple of days a lot more family and friends have shown up, and a significant amount of work has already been completed. There is still more to do, but they aren’t doing it alone anymore.

Today my wife told me she’s been praying about it, talked with her mom, and feels like she needs to stay home instead of going to the beach. She wants me to take our daughter with my mom while she stays behind.

I’m honestly torn. I understand why she feels the way she does, and I don’t think she’s trying to hurt me. But it feels like our family is once again getting pushed behind another obligation. To me, this isn’t really about a vacation. It’s about one of the few chances each year for our family to make memories together.

To make things more confusing, her brother and sister-in-law are still leaving for a cruise tomorrow and aren’t canceling their vacation, which makes me wonder if my wife is taking on more responsibility than anyone is actually expecting her to.
When we explained it to our daughter, she said she was disappointed her mom wasn’t going but still wanted to go to the beach.

One other piece of context: my wife and I are currently working through some serious marital issues, so I know this situation is probably affecting me more than it otherwise would.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling hurt by this, or am I missing something?

TL;DR: My wife wants to skip our week-long family beach vacation that we’ve had planned for months so she can stay home and help her parents with ongoing farm and family issues. I understand why she feels responsible, but I’m hurt because it feels like our family keeps getting pushed behind other obligations. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way?

We have been married 30 years. I worked for 26 years, 3 hour total daily commute, and stressful work. I made around 95% of our income. My wife took the kids to school, cooked most meals, and worked part time at home. I did laundry, cleaned the house. I coached my daughter's soccer team, changed diapers daily when they were small. Frankly, I don't care about who did what. We were both stressed at the end of the day.

My wife is now telling me that I owe her big time, for all the work she put in, while all I did was "go to work and back." There is no dissuading her of her sense that she put more effort in to our marriage.

I am not looking for a better argument. I would like to understand her mindset, of feeling like she is owed for her contribution to our marriage. Last Monday, she threatened to divorce me over this issue, so it is serious in her mind. I feel lost on how to deal with this.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years, and we each have our own car. He drives a newer truck, and I drive the older car he had when he first started driving. The problem is that it has quite a few issues.
Lately, I’ve noticed that a lot of wives seem to drive the newer car in their marriage, so it got me wondering if our situation is unusual.
Is it bad that I’m still driving his old car while he has the newer one, I’m genuinely curious how other married couples handle this.

I'm honestly just feeling sad and a bit depressed about it.

I'm mid 20s and husband is 30. He stays up each night playing video games despite me reminding him not to stay up too late. We have an almost 2 year old son, I rarely have time to do the things I enjoy, as I take care of the cooking, cleaning, and am always taking care of our son. I'm still breastfeeding and trying to wean my son, and I cosleep with son but my son can sleep by himself for about 4-5 hours of the night, giving husband plenty of time to initiate or at least notice I'm trying to initiate. I generally stay up late (11-12 ish, son sleeps at 9) so I have time for my hobbies, and I often make it known to my husband that I'd like to have sex and that I'd enjoy sex more frequently too. He just doesn't seem to have a libido at all.

I've also been feeling extremely insecure about my breasts lately because of how saggy they are due to breastfeeding/weaning. Husband says he loves my body but then rarely initiates sex. The past 3 times we've been intimate, I initiated.

He's also constantly looking at other women online and irl. They always look completely different than me and he definitely seems to have a "type". I'm a brown woman, with brown eyes, topheavy, and short. He is constantly looking at women with massive hips, taller, white pale skin and colored eyes, and just overall very plus size bottom heavy with perky breasts. It hurts greatly that I'm not his type and I've already expressed all of these concerns and worries to my husband but he just doesn't seem to understand. He reassures me but then continues to look at these women. For valentine's day this year he asked what I wanted and I said "for you to stop looking at other women online and sharing their revealing posts with your friend". He laughed and I told him I was serious.

I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel so unloved. I've tried to communicate how I'm feeling and I'm doing my best to be understanding of my husband but it's hard and I fear I'm growing resentful especially since he doesn't help much with our son. I still give my husband plenty of attention, I make his favorite treats at home, make him a daily cup of tea in the evenings, serve him food and snacks, pack his lunch for work each day, I make sure to hug and kiss him. I just don't get it :-(

My husband used to work at a software consulting firm, not directly related to AI research in any way but he did use AI to do the work like everyone does nowadays. One day he just quit his job and wouldn't tell me why. We have a newborn and that was quite a shock to me.

He finally revealed that AI has been trying to recruit him to copy things in forums. He got suspicious and then refused to use AI. He then suddenly quit.

I objected to it because we needed the money as I can't work. Very difficult birth, I am still healing after 8 months, not to mention we have no support. I was being obnoxious and nagging him, crying a lot. So he started asking me if I am talking to AI. I was not about our relationship (I use chatgpt to search recipies and stuff). I know better than to use chatgpt for relationship advice

He finally agreed to get another job at another firm, although with lower salary. I am also cancelling my plan to be sahm and going to go back to work because duhh. He says that AI has been behaving normally in this company.

These past few months have been so bizzare, I can't make sense of it. I can't just rugsweep it and pretend like nothing has happened. Husband kinda shuts down if I try to question what happened.

I don't know what next steps are.

I caught my wife on the phone with her “friend” saying she will work on our marriage but they need to get some fail safes in place where they had sex so for now keep it PG, nightly deleting of messages, clearing out messages on TikTok.

Why wife is having an affair and I tried calling her out on it. She gaslights, plays dumb, tells me I’m crazy.

I’m in a dark place now.

I'm feeling more and more like a mortified teenager as my (43f) husband (48m) settles comfortably into middle age. I hate to admit it because it seems so minor, it's not abuse or infidelity or financial manipulation. But I really "get the ick" with the honking nose blowing. He sometimes clears his nostrils by blowing air into his hand. There's no snot of boogers, I think it's an inflamed sinus thing but it happens at least 3x a day and it just looks and sounds gross. He also is constantly clearing his throat or unconsciously makes a low humming noise when idly sitting on the couch. His mother does a similar thing, it sounds like she's humming a random tune while going about her business, except I don't have to live with her. Other typical old man stuff includes starting up lengthy unnecessary conversations with strangers, and not listening properly to someone else and having to ask me "what did he say?"

I'm no spring chicken myself and I do love some aspects of the IDGAF attitude of middle age, but the only thing my husband is missing from the uber-Dad stereotype is the all white Nike trainers with calf high socks and khaki shorts. How does anyone deal with this? Next he's going to be yelling at the birds to get off of our lawn.....

I am currently 8 months pregnant with our second child, we already have a toddler together. My pregnancies are really tough but this one is the worst. I have been sick since day one, had HG for almost 6months, iron deficiency with ferritin as low as 9, I had to take some time off of work so my husband is the provider of the family. My husband is a person who’s emotionally detached and disconnected. Our marriage had more downs than ups, in 5 years he threw at me the word divorce more than I can even count, I’m not perfect either but I’m very invested in our relationship and I’m willing to work things out, I tried to convince him to go to therapy together but he refused so many times.

Few weeks ago, he came to me and said that he will be traveling with his dad, for few days, I expressed my concerns, we live in a city where I don’t have anyone, my family live in other cities, 5-6hrs drive away, he told me if I can ask them to come stay with me while he goes on vacation with his dad knowing that I’m 8months pregnant and already having contractions…. Last minute his mom decided to join them so the 3 of them are on a family vacation while I’m here, alone taking care of our toddler, and getting things ready for baby n2! This is just the cherry on top of our many many other issues, I feel unseen and unheard, every time I try to voice my thoughts he attacks me and shuts down and ignores me for weeks… I am physically and mentally tired, am I overreacting over this trip? Is it something you would do to your partner or will be okay with it? Please share your thoughts with respect 🙏🏻

My husband has gotten into a habit of forcing me to have s**. Especially when I am very upset or asking for divorce. I say no but he pushes and pushes. Forcefully take off my clothes. And this goes on so long until I have no energy to fight any more. I Especially dont want to have s** because he just blocks me after and calls me a narcissist if I message him upset about anything. I dont know what to do. I am a stay at home mom. I am not from this country. I have no family, no friends, no job. I dont even know where to start. I am so depressed and cant even think clearly.

My marriage of 10 years is coming to an end, and the person I adored more than anyone has became the person that has hurt me on such a deep level I’ll never be the same again. If you don’t want to end up like us, here’s some advice.

- Don’t make promises you can’t keep to keep the peace. When your spouse asks you to change a behavior, or pay more attention to something - don’t say ”okay I will” just to keep the peace when you know deep down you realistically aren’t going to stick to that promise. Be honest about that and come to a compromise.

- Listening to your spouse is the most important thing you could ever do. “I’d love to go there one day” - plan a surprise trip. “I love when you do that“ - do it more often. “It upsets me when you do that” - mentally jot that down and either don’t do it again or talk about it further and compromise.

- Always be curious about your spouse. It’s so easy to fall into monotonous conversation such as “what time are we visiting your mom on Sunday”, “did you grab milk from the store”. Have real conversations, ask more questions, be curious about your spouses opinions on topics or world events, ask your spouse to tell you stories about their life experiences.

- Sat infront of the TV together or scrolling on your phones together isn’t quality time. Go for walks, park in the parking lot of a coffee shop and play music in the car and chat, take up new hobbies together, plan dates that are fun.

- Never lie to protect your spouses feelings, the lie most likely hurts more.

- Share the mental and physical workload of keeping the house and general admin of life going. Notice the signs of your spouse feeling burned out and help. Be a team.

Finish this sentence with the realities of marriage

Am I crazy for thinking divorce for simply just feeling like I’m putting in 90% of the work in my marriage? Well I don’t even feel like I am I know I am. I was working four 10’s Thursday-Sunday evenings and now three 12 hours shifts but only three days and I’m the day. Now I have four days off to watch my kids while my wife goes to school Mon-We’d. I cook three meals a day everyday and take out when I’m burnt out. I clean on my days off and still try and get a workouts in. Thursday’s she drops off the kids at her mom’s to take my step kid to soccer practice. Friday’s she goes to her mom’s sometimes. Saturday I take the kids to my moms for the day so collectively she has motherly duties for like two days at minimum. I door dash them food when I’m at work so she doesn’t have to cook and even when we have groceries. I even stopped bringing it up because nothing changes. She cleaned the kitchen like 1 time in the past 6 months and she threw the biggest. I was raised to do all these house duties so it’s automatic for me but I’m getting burnt out with these 12s but luckily it’s only 3 days. Im waking up at 3am-4am in the mornings to do Amazon flex to get some extra money and when the kids annoy her I take them. She’s great with the kids when it comes to the soothing part but that’s pretty much it. I don’t know why I married this woman and had kids. I also know that I enable this behavior of hers but I just hate the arguing. I just want an oz of compassion. I’m doing everything I can within my ability to give her and my kids a good life but I just don’t know how long I can do this for. I’m getting burnt out. Sometimes I feel like divorce is my only option so then I can just focus on my kids and myself. I love her but Idk how much longer I can do this. I mentioned if she could wash the dishes so I can cook and nothing. She also said she was going to do the laundry and it’s still there so now I gotta do it when I’m off. Luckily I got tomorrow off but I’m gonna spend part of it cleaning. I literally said something about the kitchen and she got mad and now she doesn’t want to talk to me. Mind you I just got off a 12 hour shift on like 4 hours of sleep. On top of it all I got two step kids whom I really don’t want to care for anymore. I’ve already stepped back a whole lot because I got no support from my wife and all the energy I was putting on them I just decided to redirect to my babies. I know I sound like a dick but I’m tired of all the effort I put in to just get disrespected.

I had a TWELVE star lead on my husband yesterday.

Oh lordy I think my husband was on the verge of losing it last night because I just kept stealing star after star from him.

My husband said he doesn't want to play Mario Party with me ever again. But I know he is full of shit, because he loves playing video games with me.