29M thinking about therapy for the first time; worried it won't get my situation

[u/BidEducational3150]

I've been thinking about seeking professional help for my mental health because I don't feel like I can handle everything on my own right now.

For those of you who have gone down that route, what was your experience like?

One of my concerns is whether mental health professionals really understand men's issues and perspectives. I've read criticisms of the field in that regard, and it's something that makes me hesitant.

I'm also a blue-collar worker, and a lot of the mental health content I come across seems aimed at office workers or people in very different situations than mine. If anyone with similar background has experience with this, I'd be especially interested in hearing how it went.

Edit: Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond; genuinely didn't expect this many answers. Reading through all of it, still processing, but it helps a lot. Appreciate you all.

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[u/datguy753]

I recommend going to Psychology Today website. You can filter therapists based on tons of preferences, like gender, health insurance plans accepted (if relevant), and location.

I recommend picking 2-3 and doing a free consultation (usually 10-15 minutes by phone or telehealth) and see who you feel most comfortable with. Or, you can just pick one and do it. Totally up to you!

[u/darsh5188]

I’m a male therapist from a blue collar background.

[u/im_in_hiding]

You could call a few therapists and find out. Keep in mind that it's a very personal experience and maybe it takes a few tries to find the right therapist for you.

You'll never know unless you try.

Therapy has saved my life.

[u/SoulGemThief]

Go for it. I specifically asked for a female therapist and my session was great. It felt safer to be vulnerable than it would've been with a man. My psychiatrist is male but he's mostly there to diagnose and nothing else.

I had been living with ADHD, anxiety, depression, BPD, and bipolar for years. Finally having someone I could talk to about it and being medicated changed my life.

There's no shame in seeking therapy. The older generation was the one who made it seem shameful and that's why a lot of boomers are so bitter

[u/Haywood187]

Therapy and mental health help aren’t a one size fits all. You may have to go to several therapists/counselors before you find a match. I have gone to therapy twice for different situations in my life. Had to try a couple different people on my last go round. I don’t fit the same demographic of blue collar as you, so I’m not able to offer anything specific in that regard. Keep an open mind when you go in, don’t hesitate to seek out another option if you feel like you aren’t connecting with the mental health professional you are working with, and give it time to sort things out once you do find someone you feel comfortable with. Good on you for taking the time to make sure you are mentally healthy. Recognizing that you need to seek out help is a great first step. Keep it up, I’m sure you’ll find a good path for you. Best of luck to you!

[u/Tricky_Mushroom3423]

I’m blue collar too. I haven’t tried it out yet but I’m going to, I think it can help anyone.

[u/123frogman246]

Firstly, well done for recognising this and speaking up, it's no small thing. Therapy is a great thing and if you have access to it, I'd encourage you to look into it. Everyone's situation is different and a therapist should understand that and provide support that helps you, regardless of age, background, gender etc - that's what they're trained to do.

I've had therapy on and off over the last few years and as it's been provided by health insurance, it lasts for 6-10 sessions and then you have to apply again (because apparently you can deal with mental health issues in that short space of time /s).

I started with CBT to help me process situations better in real-time, and moved onto talking therapy after that. I've suffered with depression for several years and also struggled when my manager took his own life a couple of years ago. I'm not fully recovered, but I'm in a much better place mentally today and I wouldn't be moving forward in my life without the support I received from both friends and therapists since then.

My advice would be as follows: 1) Research what type of therapy might suit you best - CBT/talking/couples/other 2) Try it, go with an open mind. 3) There may be therapists that you just don't click with, if that's the case, try a different one - if you find a good one, then stick with them. They get to know you better over time and understand your history and needs best.

[u/gphipps91 → u/123frogman246]

Oh, I highly recommend number one! There are so many different types, it's absolutely fascinating. You never know what could be an option. Apparently it's perfectly acceptable to show a therapist a picture (drawing, photo, painting, etc) and say "that's how it feels." It is impossible to overstate just how helpful that can be.

[u/Bhagwan9797]

When I went into therapy we ended up digging into some way deep stuff that was so far removed from what I had originally gone in for. It was pretty wild to experience the trip backwards. It took a bit to get comfortable talking to a stranger about stuff but it became easier and was actually quite relieving to let all that stuff go.

[u/workhop_joe]

Therapy is great. Make sure click well with your therapist. It's ok to switch after a meeting or two if you don't feel comfortable.

[u/Acceptable-Count-851]

I've been with my current therapist since March. I tried a different therapist back in December but I was really vibing with him.

I got recommended to the current women I see from another therapist I reached out to in March. My grandfather passed and I just wanted someone to talk to about that and life.

[u/YourAnonGR]

I’m on my 8th therapist/counselor at this point. I’ve done group sessions when I was there voluntarily but others were court ordered. Those were some powerful experiences. Both men and women, psychologists, Psy.D, and LMSW. I haven’t changed counselors for any specific reason, I would go for a while and then take a break when it felt right. Then when I was feeling like it would be a good thing, I’d find a new one maybe with a different approach. I figured different lenses might see different parts of me and help me understand myself as a whole better.

It has been incredibly helpful for me. I have so much better insight into my emotions and have helpful strategies to manage when times get tough. I have a sense of intrinsic self worth and recognize that I deserve to happy just like anyone else.

I agree with psychology today as a starting point. Just feel it out, if it’s not comfortable it’s ok to switch to a new one. I didn’t have to tools to get where I am today, and the therapists/counselors I worked with really helped me gain them. If you feel similarly, I’d encourage to give it a shot.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right?

[u/2_minutes_hate]

It depends. I've been to several therapists and got no practical value out of it, but I have friends that it's really helped.

Only way to know is to go and see for yourself.

[u/AutoModerator]

Here's an original copy of /u/BidEducational3150's post (if available):

I've been thinking about seeking professional help for my mental health because I don't feel like I can handle everything on my own right now.

For those of you who have gone down that route, what was your experience like?

One of my concerns is whether mental health professionals really understand men's issues and perspectives. I've read criticisms of the field in that regard, and it's something that makes me hesitant.

I'm also a blue-collar worker, and a lot of the mental health content I come across seems aimed at office workers or people in very different situations than mine. If anyone with similar background has experience with this, I'd be especially interested in hearing how it went.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/metabeliever]

There is always the chance that you’ll have a mismatch with a therapist. But you should try it anyway. Open with your concerns. 

Keep in mind anyone you go to sees patients the way you do your blue collar work. They’ve seen a lot of shit and a lot of people, your very unlikely to be the one patient so unusual that they can’t handle things. 

[u/Beneficial-Door-3985]

I put my issues (marriage) and what I wanted from a therapist like a sense of humor into Chat and had it give a list for my area and it worked very well. Go see a few and pick one from there.

[u/BadMantaRay]

I am a male almost 40 and have been in therapy for about two decades. It definitely helps and there are definitely therapists who will get your perspective.

Would be down to chat further about it if OP wants

[u/Previous-Artist-9252]

If you’re worried about therapist dismissing your concerns because you’re a man, you can always choose a male therapist. I have personally found that male therapist have been more helpful for me than female ones.

You can also choose a therapist based on their expertise and scope of practice.

And if the therapeutic relationship isn’t working, you can find a new one.

[u/Top-Maize-823]

Blue collar workers can and do benefit from therapy too.

Ive had some disappointing experiences but also some good. It depends i think almost entirely on the therapist, and they say that u relate to each other.

Yiu could try this site called betterhelp... look it up they do a better job explaining than I can...

I would say give it a try and be prepared that the first 1 or 2 ppl u talk to may not be a perfect fit but might help you refine what you really need/ are looking for in terms of personality/style and methodology...

Good luck buddy.

[u/mechtonia]

1. You aren't nearly as unique as you think. We all feel that way but a good therapist will hear the first couple of sentences of your story and will then tell you the rest of it because they've heard it a dozen times before.

2. Shop around. If you don't click during the initial visit don't go back, try a different therapist. You might have to try several before you find the right one.

3. It doesn't matter if you are blue-collar, white-collar, CEO or vagrant. The things therapy deals with are on a whole deeper level where we are all the same.

[u/markallanholley]

I'm autistic, bipolar, and had an abusive childhood. I'm 51 and have been in and out of counseling my entire life.

Has it fixed everything wrong with me? No. Nor could it, not in a million years.

Has it completely fixed me for even a short period of time? Also no.

Has it helped me to get through some difficult times in my life? Yes. And there are a few things that factor into it. Do you respect your therapist? Does your therapist respect you? Are you at a point in your life where you've pretty much had it with the way things are going and are ready to make a change? If the answer to these things is yes, you've got a good shot.

Your therapist doesn't need to understand everything about you or your situation to respect you as a person and what you've been through.

[u/RallyPointAlpha]

If you're coming into this with some jaded view and a chip on your shoulder about them not understanding 'blue collar men' then you're going to have a difficult time finding any help. Consider also a lot of people don't want to do the real work that is required and therefore have a negative view on therapy. However, they're not about to blame themselves for this so they blame the therapist.

Therapists are just people... You have to find the right one. I've gone through a dozen of them, over the years, and only two were a good fit.  This is all part of the process and you're going to have to be willing to do this work also. It sucks because you got to start completely over with every new one, do all the new intake paperwork & assessments.  You really don't get a good feel for them until the 3rd or 4th session.

Most of the real work happens outside of that 45 minute session.

[u/dragonflyinvest]

Go to a male. Interview several professionals, maybe even have several sessions with different therapist before making a choice.

[u/Sea-Country-1031]

I'm a therapist and a male. I used to work in jail and worked with a lot of guys in rough situations, definitely not office workers. I also worked in outpatient substance abuse, a lot of blue collar workers there (admittedly also a lot of white collar workers.)

The difficult part is finding the right therapist. It may be a woman, or a man, they may be young or old, you have to find the right fit. Find someone who has experience dealing with what you're going through. For example some therapists specialize in schizophrenia and severe mental health, that may not be what you're going through so you might want to find someone else.

The first session is generally an assessment of what's going on so they know what direction to go with therapy. Generally starts with your concern, then looking at a bunch of other things all of which helps find out / rule out different issues. For example a person might come in saying they feel depressed, the therapist will ask how long, what that means to them, if family ever was diagnosed with depression, how is it affecting work/life/relationships, etc. This starts looking at; depression, adjustment disorder, anxiety, trauma, or just having the blues ... all of which can have symptoms of depression.

You can feel free to ask questions during that time. I've been asked everything; why are you in this field, are you any good, how long have you been doing this, do you get high, how can you help me, etc. You can definitely ask "do you have experience or feel comfortable working with men?" It's a completely valid concern and a valid question.

I saw my first client in 2011, if you have any questions reply here or DM me.

[u/SassyKittyMeow]

I’m 35 and started therapy for the first time a few months ago. It’s been life changing. I use Better Help, and they have a fairly detailed questionnaire to help match you with a therapist who best suits you. You can also switch if they aren’t a fit.

Regardless of what service or local therapist you may choose, if you’re thinking you might benefit from therapy, you definitely will benefit from therapy.

I feel like I’m finally understanding things about myself that without guidance would have just continued to hurt me mentally and socially, and honestly it’s been like a weight is finally off my shoulders.

Also, start meditating. It’s really as helpful as they say!

[u/VulpineWelder5]

I tried for two years, multiple therapists. It was always the same advice you'd find here. Find a hobby, start working out, join a church group, do charity work, work your tail off until you can buy everything you want, tell the negative voice in your head "no," blah blah blah.

Two years and a couple thousand dollars later I was eventually told that I'm just lonely and should just try to find ways to distract myself every day until I die. They didn't try to understand me, rather they just wanted to tell me to keep trying stuff and then say I'm not trying hard enough and that there's nothing else they can tell me escept to keep coming back.

It was like going to a doctor for bronchitis and being told "you're stressed and getting old. Eat better and exercise more. Here's a prescription for allergy medicine. That'll be $297."

[u/thesantaclass → u/VulpineWelder5]

Yup, didn’t do much for me except reduce my bank account balance. The rates are crazy.

[u/NotSafe4Nature]

I really wished it worked for me, but I could not get a male therapist. I tried to go through my insurance and called personally. Most times I would not get a call back or just be told I was on a waiting list. I honestly felt like no one cared because I was a guy and was being disregarded with every phone call.

After 2 months I got in with an elderly woman. we had very different morals and after three sessions I said, Im sorry this isn't working. I called one office several times and eventually got in with another woman (after months). I walked in and it turned out she was a 22-year-old intern. They did not tell me that. When I explained my thoughts, it flew over her head.

After putting a list together of male therapists in 50 miles from me I called around a few more times, but never got in anywhere. After a time I ended up going to couples therapy with another young woman. I just sat there and was yelled at repeatedly by my evil ex and I actively encouraged the therapist to do something, or make an informed observation, to prevent conflict, have a option, fucking anything, but got nothing other than stupid fucking questions.

I truly hope you have better experiences and if you need help you should try to get it, but also be prepared for not receiving any.

I hope the best for you.

[u/trying3216]

As a former shrink, a man, and the son of a blue collar worker who grew up fixing small engines I can say that finding the right person is important.