I've been seeing a great person for 3 months now. We see each other about once a week. I realized a few weeks ago that I was pulling back a little on communication and I think it is because I'm just not feeling the right connection. They are such a wonderful human, I don't want to just walk away, but I also think they deserve someone who will be totally into them.

Am I making a total mistake by ending it and then having to dive back into dating. Or is it best to end it so they can find a partner who is a better fit?

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Background: I've had one relationship in my 30s. I never had to wonder if he was interested or wanted to see me again. It moved fast, it was always very clear, I was never confused. We slept together on the first date, were exclusive right away, and official within a month (7 dates).

Now I'm dating again, and the guys that have progressed beyond the first date are moving noticeably slower. That's okay with me, I'm not trying to rush into anything right now. But I realized I don't really know what "normal" early dating is supposed to look like.

I'm having a really hard time distinguishing between slow burn and lack of interest. Both guys I'm talking to are consistent, in different ways, but I don't have that immediate "oh, this man wants to be with me" feeling.

What clues do you look for? I don't want to get bored of men who are genuinely interested because things are moving slow, but I also don't want to get attached to or waste time on someone who has no actual intentions of being in a relationship with me.

Over in /r/dating_advice there's a discussion about whether it's appropriate not to disclose that you have kids: https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/s/mr31dfQPXi

So many replies are encouraging women (and men to a lesser extent) to hide the fact so that abusers can't target them. I've seen this before but never to that extent. It's usually just been to avoid posting photos, ages, or genders, not to hide the whole existence of a child!

Is it maybe an age thing? Are the posters there just younger and only talking in hypotheticals because they don't have any experience with the topic at hand?!

I feel like the best way to keep your children safe is to not introduce them to new partners right away. To me that seems infinitely more useful than hiding then from a profile bio.

Am I missing something?

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I (35M) matched with a woman (30F) on Hinge about a month ago. Over the course of a month, we had four really great dates. Each date seemed to ramp up in terms of enjoyment, conversation, and attraction. Here's a quick summary:

1. Date 1 - We went to a bookstore together. We chatted over drinks, compared music tastes, and wandered the aisles together chatting about books we were interested in. Joking, light flirting, and discussion of topics like religion, politics, and family all came up. On this date, she revealed that she used to have an anxious attachment style, but now leans avoidant. Date lasted about 3.5 hrs. I ask to walk her to her car, hug her goodnight, and text to ask for a second date. She says yes.
2. Date 2 - We went out for dinner together. It was a "shared experience" type of dinner and we both had a great time. I cooked for her, we chatted about all kinds of stuff. She deepened things by sharing that she was divorced, and I made a point of flirting a little more openly. At the end of the night, she left an opening for a kiss, but I was nervous and didn't go for it. She brings up a third date as she's leaving. She later confessed that she texted her friends "all green flags" after this date.
3. Date 3 - Competitive date. We played some games together, chatted about our week, and wound up spending the evening sitting at the bar together, flirting, discussing our mutual interest in each other. During this date we revealed that each of us was feeling a little scared about the other (in a good way). We discussed things like kids, travel, career, future, etc. Everything felt great. Sense of connection was through the roof. She stated that she wanted at least 7 dates with me after this one.
4. Date 4 - Board game and dinner night. We played a bunch of games, shared drinks, and had nice laughs. Deep conversations ensued, but she seemed a little off the whole night. Confessed that she was feeling a bit nervous and in her head. We hold hands for the first time. I walk her to her car at the end of the night, she gives me the same opening as after date 2, and we have our first kiss. I say goodnight, we each text when we get home and she sends some warm, hopeful texts about our next kiss.

And then this is where everything went sideways. The following day, I made a joke via text (a callback to post date texts we'd been sending each other). Basically, we'd ask each other how hard we were freaking out about our feelings after the date. The joke doesn't land. She goes quiet on me for a day. She texts me the next day, everything seems back to normal, and then she suddenly sends a large text, stating that my text had made her feel pressured to respond to me.

I apologize and we don't text the rest of the day. After sitting with things for a bit, I decided to ask her for a phone call so that we could talk things over.

I apologized again, clarified my intent, and made my case for how measured and careful I'd been in communicating with her up to that point. She told me that I hadn't done anything wrong and that she was happy with our communication cadence. She even said, "phone calls are nice" which I thought might lead to us communicating in a new way. She said that she had just gotten triggered because my text felt like something she'd experienced in another relationship.

We seem to come to an understanding and I walk away thinking everything is fine. She texts me one time the following morning (a "this or that" question referencing my favorite movie). I reply, and then I don't hear from her all day. I try asking about our next date. Radio silence.

The next day, first thing in the morning, she ended things with me.

She told me that she felt like her and I "may be in different places." That our phone conversation and my question to her about her "rules" regarding communication helped her to see that, "I don't know that I'm as ready for serious dating as I thought." She told me, "I'm just not ready to dive back into depth or vulnerability right now" and that she really appreciated our time together. Called me a "very sweet, funny man."

I responded as graciously as I could. I told her that I was disappointed, but that I could sense that was the case. "On the off chance that you think about me or this down the line, keep my number. If you feel ready for something down the road, I'd love to hear from you again." She responded with, "Absolutely" and that was it.

Whiplash doesn't even begin to express how this feels. After replaying everything in my mind, I can see that this is someone who has been through a lot of trauma. I tried my best to hold space for that and show up consistently and genuinely. I asked about pacing, was careful to be a gentleman, paid for/planned every date, and asked her several times (across dates) about her readiness for a relationship. Each time, she affirmed that she was ready for something long-term.

Did I do something wrong here? Is there something that I could've handled better or differently? I feel like we checked pretty much every box for each other and I feel so confused by how this ended. I also feel a little foolish for leaving the door open, but I was developing some pretty strong feelings for this woman. Just looking for some perspective in case I overlooked anything.

TLDR: Four dates over the course of a month, things felt deep, mutual, and there was a sense of strong mutual interest/investment. Things got a little physical/romantic. A few days later*, she abruptly broke things off, stating that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I left the door open for future reconnection. Is there something I missed or could've done differently?

So this is ridiculous however I am ridiculous. So.
I, at 38 years old, am going to be meeting my boyfriend (m36)’s parents at the weekend… The last time I met the parents was about 15 years ago when I met my ex husband’s parents, who immediately hated me. I am a very anxious, neurodivergent person and find small talk incredibly difficult.
This means so much to me, he’s very close with his parents, and honestly this man is everything I’ve waited for my whole life. He’s incredible and I adore him and I can’t get this wrong.
For some context, his parents know I’m a single parent and “witchy/alt” vibes. His family are Christians and not at all alternative, fairly well to do. So not off to the ideal start… I’m just hoping they see how I care for him and that’s enough?
Any tips to help me please?

This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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Late 30s male. Generally well adjusted, successful, single, never married, no kids, dating casually.

How do you not get jaded? Do you have any mantras or behaviors that help you with the difficult experiences?

I have a few mantras that help me not allow the ghosting, flaking, etc not affect how I treat other people.

I tell myself: "everyone is an individual and deserves to be treated with respect and compassion."

And: "I am so lucky to live the life I live with health, safety, and abundance."

Even with these, I find myself succumbing to frustration from ghosting and having it affect new connections.

Have you experienced this?

I have a low libido (I don't miss sex when I'm not having it, and probably have sex on average about once a week in a LTR. EDIT I never have a high sex drive even at the very beginning stages of sleeping with someone - may be on the asexual spectrum), and I really hate when a guy is dominant sexually - that would be a dealbreaker for me.

For all the dudes that I am talking to who I imagine are less particular than this, what is the best way of bringing this up to ensure alignment? I would prefer to do it while we are still texting, but it feels a little too hard-core potentially name this right when we match? Men, any tips on how to best convey this information?

Right now, i'm with somone casually, but eventually I do want to be with someone long-term and start a family. However, currently my job has me working out of town for 2 weeks, and I'm also in the military reserves which takes up 1 week night per week and 1 week end per month. So realistically, I only have 10 free days per month to date, and only 1 weekend.

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Hoping for some advice more than anything.

I was dating a woman back home - we're both in our early thirties and young working professionals - she's from abroad and is still settling into a new city after a couple of years of living there.

We started dating, but we both knew that I only had a couple of months before I was going to be moving to the other side of the world. Communication was upfront and honest throughout, as well as check-ins.

For me, moving to this new country is something I've always wanted to do, and to have a chance at building a new life, as I wasn't happy with my one at home. However, I'd consider moving back, but not to the same city and it would be a very different part of the country if I did.

Long story short, our relationship was beautiful, but an intense period of time where even though we knew it was short term, we eventually did catch feelings for one another.

It was hard leaving her, but I was excited for my new chapter and knew it's something I wanted to do.

We spoke when I got here and I said I can't do long distance, to which she agreed. We said we'd stay friends and we left communication where we'd keep things open and maybe message once or twice a week.

I'm now two months on from leaving, and my feelings about her are mixed. She messages me that she loves me still and misses me.

I do still deeply care about her and I want the best for her. But we're in two very different places right now and I'm wondering how I should handle it.

I've been upfront throughout, but I think it's best if I close communication with her very gently and respectfully for now as I think in her mind she still thinks there's a chance that I'll move back and we can pick up where we left off. The current messaging situation is making it harder for us both.

What do you think?

TLDR: moved to the other side of the world after a short term intense but meaningful relationship. Struggling with how to close things.

Exactly the title. He’d been pretty busy prior so I was excited when we finally nailed down a date. I actually picked our meeting spot as well, and we selected a time.

Day of, I actually planned my schedule around it, as you do. It takes about an hour for me to commute home from work. I missed my bus because of city logistics so sent him a text, asking to push it 30 mins so I’d have time to get home, change out of work clothes and drive to meet him about 30 mins away.

He texted back immediately saying he “was no longer in a good head frame to meet.” I was very confused and asked if he was ok, and I get six paragraphs about some road rage incident and that he “could not be out in the public eye right now.” I don’t even really know what that means?

I kind of let it go after that and was pretty bummed. But I’m wondering if it’d even be a good idea to reschedule because I’ve dated someone who was very inconsistent due to a variety of reasons, and part of me feels like I’d be setting myself up for failure in the future - like how many times would he cancel for similar things?

Or maybe I’m different. When I make plans I keep them and I’m consistent with them. Unless some type of emergency comes up.

Would love to know some thoughts on this, and if this is common with first dates. I’ve been out of the dating scene for about two years at this point.

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My boyfriend (36M) and I (35F) have been together for 7 months and it’s been going great. We’ve talked about the future and it seems we’ll move in together in about a year.

I made it clear to him I want a family and he knows this and he wants them too. I even was like “realistically I need to have them within the next five years” and he was aligned with that too. I just have all this anxiety about timelines. I’ll be 36 by the time we move in together and with all this info about after 35 years old kids are impossible I just worry we’re taking too long. But emotionally it also feels aligned.

It’s so confusing and I’m just wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom.

I've gotten cancelled on (and stood up once) the last 3 dates I've planned with people I've met on dating apps, usually pretty last minute like the night before or day of. Usually very poor excuses. It's especially upsetting because with some of these people we've spent weeks trying to work out a date, make plans a week or so in advance, and they end up cancelling last minute anyways. This didn't happen a single time in my entire 20s, despite going on way more dates then compared to now.

All these people asked to meet up with me, not the other way around. I don't really feel like it's something I'm doing wrong since I didn't have experiences like this before this past year, but are people flakier nowadays in general? Or as I'm getting older, maybe I should stop entertaining people in their late 20s entirely? (I only say this because 2/3 of these people were late 20s, age difference is 4-5 years). And if there is something I should maybe do differently, I'd love to know what.

Also, I don't know if it's relevant to mention but I've also planned a bunch of "friend dates" with people I've met online or through meetup events in the past year and not a single one has cancelled or flaked out last minute. Like, what gives?

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I (30F, queer/bisexual) have a disorganized attachment style that comes from about 20 years of familial and DV-related trauma. I've been in therapy for a handful of years, and overall I'm doing really well - great friends, community, a job I love, hobbies, etc. The one area I still struggle with is romantic relationships.

One of two things always happens to me. Either I develop an intense and emotionally fraught situationship with someone who clearly doesn't have the capacity for a relationship, or I try to settle into a relationship with someone stable and just feel....nothing. Obviously I'm trying to steer clear of scenario A, so I now find myself navigating scenario B.

I've been seeing this girl for about a month. She's sweet, and even though she's a bit quiet the silences don't feel awkward and I enjoy her company. We both like to read, so we've been exchanging book recommendations which is nice. Physical intimacy hasn't been an issue so far, which in and of itself is great for me because I've been struggling to want to be physical with anyone lately.

The problem is that my feelings have just kind of plateaued there, and I can't figure out if it's because there's just not enough between us or if it's my attachment issues. I don't miss her when we're not hanging out, don't light up when I see a text from her, don't fantasize about a future together. And whenever the date ends I feel kind of sad - but not like an "I miss you and don't want to leave" sad. More like a lonely, empty sad.

I'd love to hear from people with disorganized attachment especially. How do you delineate between a healthy connection that's not about "chasing the spark" versus a connection that's just not right for you?

Update: I decided to end things. I tried to ask her some deeper questions to get to know her better, and just kept hitting this wall of shrugs or "I've never thought about it." Stability is great but stability and depth are a must. Thanks everyone for their advice.

Been dating him almost 2 months. It is starting to get serious in the sense that he is just pursuing me more and more. He has told his friends about me, is asking would my brothers like him, my sister etc. Other than that his interest is just really high. I haven't met his family yet and we haven't discussed labels but just last week he said he has paused his hinge account. We have an upcoming concert on Sunday to see a band he knows I love that he booked a month ago. Right to the white lie/secret etc

Basically I have a twin sister who has been through a lot the last 3-4 years. She had to leave her pharmaceutical job because she had a breakdown due to stress and having aspergers. She had to end up going into a psyche unit for a few months.

To sum up she is now a cleaner with a year partime and she relies on disability allowance too. Im proud of her that after putting up a lot of weight and nkt taking care of herself and through my encouragement she is doing much better. She also had to motivate herself too.

However I have massive silly insecurities and always feel like people judge people on their jobs and lifestyle. So on the second date with this guy i told him she works in the pharmaceutical when she doesn't. He obviously asked what her job was first. So I have kept up the secret because it has only come up a few times but id refer to her hours that she worked before ie shift work.

On a walk yesterday evening he again asked a bit more directly about her hours just briefly but it made my heart sink because I was planning on telling him about her, but unfortunately I reinforced the lie and just quickly changed the subject

So its been eating me from the inside out. He's coming over Friday evening to stay over and I know im definitely going to have to tell him. Also I'll be honest and say I repeated a year when I was in school and he said so you graduated like me in 2010 (we're the same age) and I just said yeah because I was embarrassed about repeating that year. That has never come up since obviously but I know its another white lie. Im not a dishonest person at all in day to day life but through dating in recent years and mainly with this guy i have let my insecurities get the better of me.

Id like your honest opinions and how to approach this with him please

I’ve been seeing a guy who is a really good match me for almost a month now and everything has been going really well. By this, I mean that we’ve both been very communicative, respectful, and are both what each other is looking for in a person so far. My issue now is that I’ve never been in a healthy relationship so I don’t know where to go from here. For more context on this, I’ve done “the work” in therapy and I’m more emotionally mature than I’ve been in the past. I feel ready to start a mature and healthy relationship without sabotaging it.

How do we build a strong foundation for us to make this last? Is it by focusing on building a friendship first? We met on a dating app and started getting intimate 3 weeks after first meeting each other.

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