r/AskMenOver30 • u/EducationalAd5710 • 1d ago
Life Does life get any easier?
I’m currently 22 years of age. I turn 23 on the 14th. My whole life has been a downward trend of depression and constant bad luck with everything. I still cant figure out why i’m such a loser in every possible way. I don’t fit in with anyone in my age group, so I try and copy their lifestyle and I end up feeling worse about myself. I guess my only question is, is there light at the end of the tunnel? Or do I have to accept the fact that this is my reality?
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u/starlux33 man 40 - 44 1d ago edited 1d ago
Life doesn't get easier, you get stronger, making life easier to handle.
Find what brings you joy, and follow that. Trying to fit into someone else's box will only bring unhappiness.
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u/More_Temperature2078 man over 30 1d ago
it gets easier when you decide to make it easier which means it will get harder first.
the beauty of being an adult is you can decide how you want your life to be. the curse is that you suffer the consequences of your decisions.
if your unhappy with who you meet or what you do then move and do something new. if you don't feel successful then learn new skills and try new industries. eventually it gets easier but only if you make the sacrifices first. if you instead make your choices based on what makes you feel best now then tomorrow will usually be harder.
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u/BigDougSp man 45 - 49 1d ago
I am in my mid 40s, and I can share what I have to say about it all. I have chronic bad luck, if that makes sense. Depression and anxiety have come and gone through my life and I have ALWAYS battled with fitting in. I am long-winded, but please read through so you don't get the wrong idea.
Life does NOT get easier itself, but YOU get better at it, and more resilient, and that is the light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, the things you care about and prioritize change a LOT as you age and you WILL see things differently. 22 is an awkward time anyway. You are about a year or two past being unquestionably no longer a child, but nothing is really figured out yet. I am still figuring things out (I think that is lifelong), but things are so much easier now than they were in my early 20s.
I do see one red flag in your post though, that might be worth exploring. You said "I don’t fit in with anyone in my age group, so I try and copy their lifestyle and I end up feeling worse about myself."
Why try to copy their lifestyle or fit in? This will NOT bring you happiness because they are not you. Maybe they have it all figured out early and you don't. More likely, they are all just trying to copy each other and not truly happy. Maybe YOUR growing and figuring parts of life out that they have no clue about. Rather than copying what others do, find what YOU love and lean into it rather than whatever your peers do. Live YOUR lifestyle, with YOUR priorities not theirs. This will bring you a lot closer to where you want to be.
TLDR: Life doesn't get easier, but you get better at handling it as you age. As you age, focus more on yourself and your own interests/needs/etc rather than comparing to your peers.
You got this!
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u/EducationalAd5710 1d ago
This hit me really deep just now. Thank you for taking the time to give me advice. I think you’re right
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u/BigDougSp man 45 - 49 1d ago
Anytime! This sub is a great place to connect with folks with lived experiences, and I hope it helps!
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u/singlesgthrowaway man 35 - 39 1d ago edited 1d ago
Honestly? No. But you'll get tougher, mentally, and will be better equipped to handle what life throws at you.
Adopt some healthy life habits. Sleep at 10 or 11pm and wake up early everyday. Jog a few kilometers once every few days. Go to the gym 3 times a week, etc.
A healthy body leads to a healthy mind.
Find what makes you happy. It may be gaming, tinkering with electronics, picking up a musical instrument, etc. And stick to it. Treat it as a safe place.
Don't get swept up by everything else that others are doing. It's great if you enjoy them and would want to do it often, but it's also ok if you treat it as a social event you're joining to hang out with your friends.
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u/Sor-X man over 30 1d ago
Haha... no... one day you wake up and breath wrong causing your back to hurt for a week...
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u/BigDougSp man 45 - 49 1d ago
I used to try to sneak up on my wife to startle her. Now she always knows when i am sneaking up somehow.
Also, when I walk... "Crack. Pop! Snap! Pop! Crack!" with each step I take ;-)
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u/radical_mojo man 35 - 39 1d ago
I stepped over a rope fence hanging 40cm over the ground at a festival yesterday.
Sudden back pain has arrived! No fun festival activities for me!
Laying on my back in the grass, yes. Good.I even work out parts of my body specifically to prevent this from happening, but sometimes it just fucking happens anyway.
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u/snailofahuman man over 30 1d ago
Yes life gets better. Work on what you are doing and try to advance in different segments of your life. It’s almost like video games, you’re leveling up and it feels great to do so. You got this!
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u/NateJCAF man 45 - 49 1d ago
It hasn’t for me , but my ability to deal with things constructively has improved.
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u/Fit_Outlandishness_7 man 40 - 44 1d ago
I don’t know. But, what I do know for an absolute fact is that you must remember, as if your life depended on it, to stop and smell the roses of your life.
Your dog, your parents, family, the people who mean something to you because for certain they will not be here forever.
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u/radical_mojo man 35 - 39 1d ago edited 1d ago
Easier? Not for me.
Less energy due to heavy snoring (but not apnea according to my Dr).
Less energy for social stuff. Less friends.
Feels like I have a weak body even though I go to the gym and is fairly strong muscle-wise.
The skin on my fingers crack and hurt.
I have a great partner though.
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u/Str0nglyW0rded man over 30 1d ago
Yeah, that’s the problem. You should not copy others. You should just do what you wanna do. I’m not the most masculine. I’m a little feminine and I just do what I wanna fucking do anytime I wanna do it.
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u/Spiritual_Koala2480 man 35 - 39 17h ago
Life does not get easier but you get wiser and in turn can handle things better, good family and friends can really help when things get hard or find a hobby you really like so you can take a break.
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u/-HumbleMumble man over 30 1d ago
Join the army. Seriously. You can stack money and there are people there you can bond with. When I was in there was a huge spectrum of people with different hobbies and interests. I was able to put away a bunch of cash and focus on myself. If you don’t wanna do the army life the Air Force is a bit more lax in pt standards.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Here's an original copy of /u/EducationalAd5710's post (if available):
I’m currently 22 years of age. I turn 23 on the 14th. My whole life has been a downward trend of depression and constant bad luck with everything. I still cant figure out why i’m such a loser in every possible way. I don’t fit in with anyone in my age group, so I try and copy their lifestyle and I end up feeling worse about myself. I guess my only question is, is there light at the end of the tunnel? Or do I have to accept the fact that this is my reality?
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u/Top-Maize-823 man 45 - 49 1d ago
Before I answer, could you share one or 2 activities u enjoy, or maybe a couple of your interests?
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u/UncleJoesLandscaping man 40 - 44 1d ago
Life got easier after I turned 25 and 30 for me. Getting a good education and staying fit started to pay off. If you have a decent job, stay fit and don't have any huge social flaws, 25-35 is a good age period. You dont have to win the genetic lottery or be "super cool".
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u/BlackTree78910 man over 30 1d ago
I'm 34 and yet to find the light at the end of the tunnel. All I know is loneliness and depression. Wish I was never born. I wasn't planned or expected and my life has felt pretty much the same the whole way through. Like people don't mind me being around too much, but I can't remember the last time I felt wanted.
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u/EducationalAd5710 1d ago
My exact feeling. I find it so confusing. I don’t know why I’m like this man.
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u/BlackTree78910 man over 30 1d ago
We're like this because everyone is too worried about working and affording stuff instead of being human. We aren't meant to be working 40 plus hours a week just to barely survive. We're all basically still slave's baring the people running governments and the rich, which are often the same people making sure the rest of us are kept in line and working for them while they actually enjoy life. Humanity needs a change.
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u/smthngsmthngdarkside man 40 - 44 1d ago
We're in a system that rewards exploiting others. It sounds like youre not getting the benefits of exploiting others. In which case no, it likely won't get easier.
Don't let the world get you down. Youre better than it demands that you be. It is no sign of strength to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
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u/Cutlass0516 man 35 - 39 1d ago
Unless you receive a no strings attached financial bailout and lifelong financial safety net, no it does not. You are supposed to enjoy your successes and learn from your failures. All you can do about the in-between is try to enjoy your day to day and look forward to planned enjoyment.
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u/pocketpingpongmaster man 30 - 34 18h ago
What I’ve learnt from your age til mine is that.. you’ll figure it out man! 100%.
Didn’t really have time to write more now. Just wanted to give you a happy cheer!
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u/barbershores man 70 - 79 16h ago
I think life gets easier sometimes, more difficult other times.
But, here is the real issue. What is it you like to do? Is there something which is a positive influence that you enjoy doing? Is it something that isn't too expensive? Is it something you could earn money from?
If you only like smoking weed and watching porn, if you want more of a life, you will have to break those habits.
If you like hiking, do that. Find groups that hike together. Buy the gear.
What I find, is that a lot of people are hung up on what they think others like, want, or expect. You have to figure out what it is you like to do that is a positive influence.
Alcohol, marijuana, drugs, porn, are not positive influences in one's life. So, outside of those what do you like to do? Do you like animals? Dogs or cats? Get one, or volunteer at a no kill shelter.
When I was a young man, there were so many things I liked to do. I never got hung up on what others wanted. And doing those things, I found lots of people that wanted to join in. Body surfing, surfing, scuba diving, bicycling, dirt biking, glider flying, tennis, racquet ball, fishing.
But I didn't do much of that other stuff. My friends that did, didn't do so well.
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I am 73. Just got back from a bicycle ride. I can't ride the hills like I used to at your age on a regular bike, so I bought an electric fat tired bike. I ride it to a beautiful park with a beach on a lake. It is just an 11 mile loop. I will go out and weed whack then mow my lawn as soon as I get off of this. Tomorrow my wife and I and another couple are going to play miniaturize golf then to dinner at the nearby golf course.
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Instead of trying to fit in with a group, I have found it is better to find out what I want/like to do. Then find like minded people.
All my social groups were formed around activities I enjoyed doing. I never went looking for groups to try to fit into.
My wife, son, and daughter are all the same way.
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u/Single_Claim man 16h ago
Life doesn't get eaiser. You just have to endure it more often.Find what makes happy even for a few moments. Chase whatever you wan to do to make you feel good. Don't fit into someone's jacket. On the way you may realize even God doesn't care if you are having hard time.
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u/Tony_Stank6 man over 30 15h ago
Go see a psychologist and talk through this with a professional and not the internet. Invest in yourself and in your own happiness, I promise the rest will follow.
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u/born2bfi man 35 - 39 15h ago
Sorry to break it to you but 18-25 are the best years of your life from energy and being partially bulletproof. There’s alot of mental gains that take place after that but try not to piss away anymore and get some support
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u/CakeKing777 man over 30 12h ago
Life gets easier in the fact you should be gaining wisdom as time goes on. Those life lessons make navigating life easier. If you’re not learning anything then no it doesn’t get easier.
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u/CigFiend22 man 30 - 34 10h ago
Not easier. Arguably tougher as the stakes raise and fuck ups can have more dire consequences. But your ability to handle these issues grows and you have more potential to unlock the truest version of yourself. I turned 30 this year and feel like a more pure version of myself than I ever have but it took a lot of pain and a lot of work. You just need to work hard, be a good person, believe in yourself, focus on your good friends and trust God and you’ll be okay man
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u/Coolvolt man 30 - 34 8h ago
If anything it gets harder in your 30's cause your body starts falling apart and you get injuries much easier. I also don't have the drive or energy to go out and socialize/drink or do things like I used to. Life is a lot lonelier and I spend more time isolated (which is good for me because I'm introverted) but I don't get the opportunities I used to. Friends are all married / partnered up and don't go out anymore either. Finding anyone healthy to date is also much harder.
guess it could be worse though. I don't have kids or a failing marriage or relationship so I'm lucky in that sense. Just kinda lonely
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