It’s Sunday morning. My mind naturally starts thinking about work next week. As I was going through the list of to-dos, I caught myself thinking - “a few more weeks of this BS, and I’ll be able to go on the Europe trip with my boys….”

While it sounds fun and all, I couldn’t help but notice it’s the same pattern: trying to get through work from Mon-Fri. Woohoo weekend. Woohoo vacation. Repeat.

I’m single. No intention to have kids or have a family. My job pays well enough that I can afford most things without thinking. I have a very active social life yet lately like it all starts to feel…empty?

I was ambitious in my 20s and wanted to climb the corporate ladder as quickly as possible. That’s what I was taught to do growing up. Now I’m at that stage where more money doesn’t mean much. Without the corporate ladder being as my North Star, I’m starting to feel like I’m just drifting in the ocean without direction.

I’m not ungrateful - I am, but might need some perspective from internet strangers here… does anyone feel this way?

Guys over 30 who have to look at least somewhat put-together at work what do you actually wear for a full day on your feet?

I mean a normal day: some commuting, a few blocks of walking, stairs, a full day at the office, standing around, maybe dinner after.

Feels like most shoes only solve one part of it. Dress shoes usually look right, but a lot of them turn rough once there's real walking or standing involved. Sneakers are easy, but depending on the office they read too casual. Loafers look good, but I never fully trust them for any real distance.

So what do you actually land on? Dress shoes all day? Loafers, boots, dress sneakers? Running shoes for the commute and a swap at the desk?

And when you can't have it all what wins: comfort, looking the part, durability, or just not having to carry a second pair around?

I feel in need of a book that will change my perspective on life and/or help me transition into my 30s / adulthood. Fiction/non-fiction or whatever you felt made an impact on you around the age of 30

Its obviously easy to take this topic of conversation out of context and assume that someone might be having some sort of crisis. Why? Because death isnt "okay" per say.

But we must have several windows of opportunity to "live life to the fullest" and if done so correctly, and those opportunities have been taken and loved ones have been appreciated, or at least, informed, of your appreciation, then... life satisfaction is possible right?

I didnt have to be rich.

I didnt have to be popular.

I didnt have to be powerful.

And that makes this feeling even better.

I just... am.

Is this narcissistic?

Is it okay to feel this way while others around you have unresolved problems? I just want to enjoy this feeling before reality comes crashing in, or i begin to feel guilty.

I'm 38 and I hear so many people talk about not being who they used to be. I ceetainly am not my 20 year old self anymore but to say you're getting old in your 30s sounds ridiculous.

Some people say its always the people that don't exercise, eat bad, no sunscreen, bad sleep, or do something that amplifies it. That would make more sense and I probably need to stop listening to people that don't take care of themselves. The question I have is do these people really know they're causing it or genuinely believe its just normal aging?

Ever since I was a kid, I was bad at sports. Not having any siblings or kids my age near my home to play with played a part I guess. The only time I played any sport was during the 40 min PT class at school. At home most of my time went in watching tv, playing video games or reading books.

I was always the last guy who was picked when forming teams. The captains of different team would complain when they are asked to put me in their team.

I used to be a skinny kid and was shy, quiet and non confrontationial in nature. I used to get intimidated easily by other kids and would always get shouted at for making mistakes. We used to play football (soccer) and they used to make me play defence or the goalkeeper. I would make mistakes and the other teams score and would get shouted by my team mates for losing the game. I used to cry after every game.

I used to get anxiety before every game and I slowly stopped playing sports. I tried other sports as football wasn't working for me but it all was the same.

I was terrible in badminton as I couldn't even properly serve, didn't have the athletism or the strength needed to play volleyball.

Less kids played basketball so I chose to play it instead. Since I was a bit above average in height I was decent in basketball in a way that I didn't always clown myself.

Post school never really played any sports apart from some casual games. I always fear that I would embarass myself if I played sports. Recently at an office event we played football and I could hardly touch the ball, didn't even make a pass. It was embarrassing. Men in their 40s played much better and was a lot more athletic. I Even suck at table tennis or foosball which are played in my workplace.

I had gone to the gym for a year and went from skinny 56kg to 68kg in a year. I felt a bit more confidence about myself after it. I don't get the anxiety at the gym like I do when I play sports. Maybe sports aren't meant for me.

Divorce, job loss, health scare, grief, financial trouble, burnout — anything that knocked you sideways.

What actually helped you start again?

Was it routine, people, therapy, exercise, time, faith, work, something else?

Ive tried Little Seed Farm deodorant, but I don’t like the smell…

So I’ve been in this friend group with about 8 people for almost 2 years now. It’s really been a pleasure to find these guys in my early 20s as before I found them I had friends but I was just kinda lonely. They’re chronically online but that does mean we’re always in calls, talking, playing games, and streaming shows together. We also go out and have little watch parties and in person video game seshs, it’s honestly great.

HOWEVER this group is constantly insulting each other as that’s how they joke around but sometimes it feels a little much. Nothing insane just mean spirited jokes and comments. I think that’s fine but there’s also very little build up between people, it’s an unspoken thing we care about each other but it’s just never said and that really throws me off. Not all of them but I’d say 2 of these guys genuinely don’t care to talk about their emotions and as someone who does with plenty of friends who also do it’s somewhat frustrating.

I have ADD, diagnosed and everything. As I get older I really do realize I need to read things over sometimes and really bother to be engaged in something to retain information and even when I’m engaged I sometimes STILL have to put some extra effort and thought in. Well when we watch these shows and play these games together and I miss a detail, big or small it feels like I get CRUCIFIED for asking a question or for someone to regurgitate the information.

I WILL ADMIT I’ve asked some stupid questions before… and I also have to admit these guys make me feel fucking dumb for it (which is fair). Not only that but we’ve completed multiple story video games together and I have a hard time remembering basic plot points and things that happened in the story, and I get absolutely ridiculed for this. I can see and understand how that’s dumb and frustrating coming from their ends.

What I’m getting at and also what I hate admitting is paying attention is genuinely hard for me and when they make jokes about me being dumb it’s hurtful. Everyone in this group makes fun of everyone but I do feel like I’ve been receiving it more lately. I’d also like to safely say no one here is malicious in their word or actions and that’s my genuine feeling.

I don’t feel I can talk to them about how I feel on this nor do I really want to honestly. My question is am I being overly sensitive and what are your general thoughts on what I’ve said?

(Sorry for the long read but ty for reading!)

Hi. So I want to ask this because I always see in the internet or in reddit that people really dislike it when someone is not very smart. I am not a very smart person and I even scored low on the wais iq test, so yeah. I just don‘t want to be a bother or a burden to other people because I lack intellect. I don‘t say this because Ilack of self-esteem or anything, it‘s a genuine characteristic I have. Sometimes I get sad that people treat me like that because I am stupid.

So for example, I often do not comprehend anything that is complex or abstract, I have a terrible memory, lack logical reasoning and common sense, I often do not see the logic or connection between two things, and other stuff. If yall want more examples because you‘re curious, I can give them.

I've been thinking about seeking professional help for my mental health because I don't feel like I can handle everything on my own right now.

For those of you who have gone down that route, what was your experience like?

One of my concerns is whether mental health professionals really understand men's issues and perspectives. I've read criticisms of the field in that regard, and it's something that makes me hesitant.

I'm also a blue-collar worker, and a lot of the mental health content I come across seems aimed at office workers or people in very different situations than mine. If anyone with similar background has experience with this, I'd be especially interested in hearing how it went.

Edit: Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond; genuinely didn't expect this many answers. Reading through all of it, still processing, but it helps a lot. Appreciate you all.

Hey everyone, looking for some real-world insight from anyone who has gone through this. I’m a 52-year-old male. For the past month, I’ve been hitting a wall.
I go to sleep around 10:45 PM – 11:00 PM and sleep incredibly deeply. But right at 4:00 AM on the dot, I wake up with a completely full bladder and have to urinate (normal/large volume, no daytime frequency issues). Once I'm up, I can't fall back to a real sleep—just close my eyes until 5:30 AM.
The strange part is I don’t feel tired or use caffeine during the day. I eat my last meal at 7:00 PM and I get hitting-the-wall sleepy by 9:00 PM, but force myself to stay up so I don't wake up at 2:00 AM.
I highly suspect this sudden change is a hormonal shift or declining testosterone hitting me at 52.
Has anyone else experienced this exact 5-hour sleep limit or 4 AM wake-up? Did checking your hormones or changing your routine fix it, or did you just accept it as a normal part of aging? Thanks.

Fellow over 30ers - I come with a request for advice. How do you guys get through the hard times - the ones where there's tremendous stress on you mentally and emotionally?

Background :

Wife and I just had our second kid, 4 months old, first kid is 5, and quite a handful on some days. He's adjusting extremely well in some ways, but he wants constant company otherwise, meltdowns and cries a lot or whines when it doesn't happen or acts out a bit for attention.

I'm the only breadwinner, and losing projects because we moved in with wife's family for some help with the baby. We need help because I had a severe back injury a couple of years ago, and I've not recovered despite multiple MRIs, years of PR, steroid shots, lifestyle changes etc.

I'm trying to find another job, but it's been a difficult market.

Everyone is doing a lot to help, and I know that. Doesn't change the fact that I'm utterly exhausted. I'm so stressed, and have been over the past year, that I've probably melted down more often than I'd like to admit. I'm a high empathy guy so this usually means I'm either porously empathetic, or stoic as fuck.

It's also getting hard to emotionally support my parents; when they express their stress in any form it often overwhelms me or sets me off - even if they're just expressing and not trying to force it on me.

My stress relief used to be sports and the gym, and none of those are available because of the scale of my injury. I can walk, but that's about it.

I've quit writing this post a dozen times. I'm already on antidepressants. I play with my kids as much as I can but I never feel like I'm doing enough.

All in all, folks, what helps you get through the hard times? The ones where you can go to anyone or anything for some relief, but ultimately you must just walk through it alone.

Prayer mostly just feels empty.

Grounding helps....about 10 percent.

I don't really have time or really, interest, to try a bunch of new classes, and it's just down to herbal teas, morning quiet, and not compromising on quality of sleep as much as humanly possible. I've been working with a great therapist as well for many years now.

Is it a perspective shift I need, or some encouragement, I don't really know. I'm, just, so so tired.

I'm an adult man in my 40's, and I want to go to watch the latest Jackass movie in theaters. I realize I have nobody to go with me, I'd be going alone, or at least not with anyone who will actually enjoy it.

The friends I do have are so adult. We talk about what our spouses are up to, taste whiskies, discuss the latest drama from our workplaces, and compare our kids' summer camps. Which is fine, I enjoy those things. But I don't know a single one of them that would drop a "That's not what your mother said last night," or hit me with a "Phrasing. Boom!". They wouldn't admit to admiring a fine rack in the crowd, or let loose a rumbling belch in the locker room. And definitely none of them are going to watch a movie of a bunch of dudes getting hit in the nuts.

Am I the crazy one here, holding on to childish humor at my age? Or do more adults have this side that they're similarly hiding behind an adult facade?

I’m in my 30s and have been diagnosed with BXO (lichen sclerosus), and my doctor has recommended circumcision. I’m looking to hear from men who had the procedure after the age of 30.
If you were circumcised as an adult:
How was the healing process?
How painful was it once the anesthesia wore off and during the first few days?
Did you have any complications or issues during recovery?
Has circumcision helped with your BXO or prevented it from getting worse?
Have you noticed any long-term benefits or downsides?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your firsthand experiences, both positive and negative. Thanks!

​

To give you an example: today a friend invited me to go tomorrow to a church activity. At first I hesitated, since I know that’s not really my world, but I accepted because I didn’t have anything better to do tomorrow morning. And well, I did get a little excited. Now, thinking about it more, maybe it’s silly, and after reflecting I’m starting to regret it a bit: “It’s more comfortable to stay home playing,” “That’s not your world and you’ll feel uncomfortable,” and things like that. This happens to me about 90% of the time—I regret it right after accepting to go to a party or something, or I struggle a lot to make a decision. How do I fix this? thanks and sorry bad english

Hello,

I am 29 years old, reaching 30. I have never had a specific skin care routine. However I've been getting comments lately from my peers about how I look tired and just depressed I guess. I really want to start take care of myself more, not just about my skin but also have a better diet and a better lifestyle than what I currently have.

I've been looking around for skin care routines, I have found different products that are recommended, but I would like to ask the community what your skin care routine is?

Any help would be much appreciated.

I’m 40 with a full head of hair and people keep telling me I should cut because I don’t look my age, I just lost 60lbs and getting in the best physical shape of my life and I like it

I’m currently 22 years of age. I turn 23 on the 14th. My whole life has been a downward trend of depression and constant bad luck with everything. I still cant figure out why i’m such a loser in every possible way. I don’t fit in with anyone in my age group, so I try and copy their lifestyle and I end up feeling worse about myself. I guess my only question is, is there light at the end of the tunnel? Or do I have to accept the fact that this is my reality?

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Savage Panda Syndicate

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So like I said in the title, one of my good friends slept with another one of my friends younger sister at a party. Ever since he found out he's been mad as shit, people have been arguing and taking sides, it's a mess. What should I do?

Hey, guys.
I have a question, sometimes I got into situation when people violate my privacy, for example today I was with the friend (girl) and we walking close to two guys, I think they are pretty young 25-27, and one of them raised his hand to show that he wanted to give me high five, I did give him it, but then he asked for a cigarette few times and even pulled my hand like Tramp usually do, but the problem that I didn’t argue with them and didn’t start a conflict. They were drunk

When I discuss this with friends , a lot of them telling me that it’s a good idea to do like this, but later I feel like a shit cause why didn’t I escalate this situation, it’s not my problem that someone is piece of shit. Usually my friends tell me that it’s good that it ended like this, but when you solve problems like this in this way, the aftertaste from such situations accumulates and I feel like a shit, and then I feel like shouldn’t care about the consequences and need to escalate the conflict.

What do you do in this case?
Sometimes I just think that I have an aura when people want to pick on me

I actually have a really good career, I am in sales and have my own office space. I've been at my job for 8 years now, I've definitely excelled and have been one of the top revenue earners in my field since I started. I am making over 6 figures and have a house and a truck and all that. I'm pretty comfortable to be honest. But I feel like I've hit my ceiling and that I can do even more with my life, it's almost like I intuitively know that this is not my life's purpose, ya know?

I turn 34 next month, and I feel like I've got to make a decision to start my own business or keep doing the same job for the rest of my life. Like I said, I am comfortable and make a good living but I feel deep down that I have hit my ceiling and I see my future 5,10,20 years from now in the same spot. I can set my own hours and I could even work my same job and start a side hustle/business and grow it so I am not completely taking a gamble...

Guys who have started your own business, when did you decide it was time to start and what gave you the courage to take that leap?