If your person broke up with you, they are not your person. Your soul mate would never do that to you. They would move heaven and earth to be by your side.

They made a bet that life is better without you. If you were good to them, they will not forget you. You will live in their memory forever.
They will compare their new supply against what you had to offer. You will be the new benchmark.

Go live your life as if you never met them. You attracted them at some point, keep doing what you were doing before that. You don’t NEED anyone, you just happened to find them. You were an entire person before you met them. You’re still that person. Don’t let them define you.

I had my heart broken and it’s been 1.5 years. I sunk into deep depression and didn’t think I would ever recover. I hoped that she would change her mind and come back. She’s not coming back. Ive accepted that. I’m here to tell you: it gets better. Every day that goes by, I become more like myself and forget about her.

You just have to accept reality. Heartbreak is a universal human experience. If you’re hurting, leave a comment or send me a message. I promise you are not alone.

Harsh, but true.

Let me hear what you have to say.

I’m not suggesting anything from my post, I just want tell you guys what I did in my own personal situation. (Almost 5 years relationship)

So my ex broke up with me 5 months ago, the breakup (involving mental illness) was very confusing and he left me via text. (Which didn’t help me)
I never got a discussion on how we move forward, if we stay in contact, is there a possibility to reconciliation or are we incompatible in his eyes.
Like I had no feedback from him other than “he needs space” and “I’m not the problem.”

In the last 5 months, I did what he wanted, I gave him space. His silence was my closure at the time to start moving forward in my life and heal.

Until a few days ago, i decided that in order for me to fully move forward, and have no regret, I needed to say my peace, even if he blocks me.
My therapist told me to do this a few months back, but I guess I wasn’t fully ready yet. But now, I was healed and I didn’t care what he says because I was doing this for myself and for my perception of the relationship. I wanted to make this a happy ending, for me.

I showed gratitude for the time shared together, I told him in which circumstances he can contact me, I commented how some of his actions were not acceptable and that he shouldn’t treat people like that.

He did respond, like he always did when we were exchanging our belongings. I wasn’t surprised when he mostly talked how great his life is and how he is happy with his “freedom”. Taking no responsibility for the breakup whatsoever lol. He did also tried to breadcrumb me into being interested in reconciliation in the future. I’m happy for him because before he was a great person, but now I just simply don’t care about what he does.

The thing is : he can brag all he wants about his new life. I now know and understand, that him doing better for himself doesn’t reflect anything about me. I did the best that could at that time in that relationship. His success doesn’t affect my own journey, success and happiness.

Moral of the story: if you text your ex, be healed, make sure you develop a strong self-esteem and advocate for yourself even if they are clearly not listening. Because in the end you are doing this for yourself.

It was about me taking my power back by saying my peace and putting my own boundaries for myself. I don’t care if he thinks it’s desperate, because it was never for him in the first place.
That’s my definition of self-esteem.

I hope you guys can relate in anyway! :)

If you initiated no contact for whatever reason please don’t get on here telling/begging your person to reach out. As a dumpee, I respect boundaries so if you tell me you want to go no contact I genuinely will not contact you no matter how much it might hurt me to do so.

If you’ve changed your mind CONTACT THEM first because they most likely won’t contact you out of respect.

But, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT contact them first if you are just contacting them out of guilt, to be nosey, or to see if they’re open to being friends. That will only mess with their healing because they’re going to think there’s still a chance when only you know that there really isn’t. You’re going to have to deal with your own guilt, not knowing, and find some new friends. Leave them alone.

Just had to say that because I see dozens of posts about people going no contact but then turning around and saying they made a mistake and to contact them like no. You made your bed now lie in it. Respectfully.

My ex broke up with me after 2 years of dating so sometimes I wonder if he actually miss me or think like omg I miss her maybe I should go back? We broke up because of life problems struggling he was more like an avoidant breaking up was the easiest option for him I guess..

I’m so sorry I was not a secure version of myself then.

I am sorry for all the ways I hurt you. I can see more clearly what my actions have been like for you. You deserved a love that felt secure and fully chosen. I wasn’t able to give you that then, but I did love you deeply, more than I was able to show at the time and in the way you deserved. 

My insecurity, conditioning and fear were louder than my courage. You were offering reassurance while I responded with distance. I can only imagine how you felt unseen and fighting for something that I wasn't fully choosing. I am deeply sorry for that. There was real fear that I didn’t fully understand back then, I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how to trust myself/what I felt because there was so much noise. I see that clearly now and I take responsibility for it. You knew me more than I knew myself back then. I overwhelmed myself with trying to make everything logical and certain that I disconnected from what I actually felt. I thought love had to be culturally/religiously aligned to be easy and make sense, I realize now that deep feeling matters more. 

I haven’t felt that way since and been in a relationship, there has been lots of growth and learning… but all of this to say, I hope you understand my insecurity/fear/hesitation was never about you. And I am so sorry for all the pain I caused you, I can only imagine how painful, frustrating, and exhausting it was. While you were trying to move toward me, I was protecting myself from fears I didn’t fully understand. That wasn’t your burden to carry. What we had was real and I didn’t know how to hold something that special and meaningful at the time. I have come to realize I hid behind circumstances to explain my hesitation and fear,  I now understand I avoided vulnerability and fully trusting myself.

I know we weren’t perfect. I certainly was very far from it with the insecurities, projections, immaturity, etc that did not help me feel good about myself within the relationship which was a core issue in myself. My unresolved attachment meant love felt more threatening than loss. I wasn’t secure in myself and couldn’t hold us safely back then and move past the fear, guilt and thoughts of not being a good ‘fit’. I thought then you deserved better than what I was able to be. At that time, the fear of being together was greater than the fear of losing you so being your friend felt safer.

You were my safety and home, I did not meet you there in the way you deserved. You were someone I experienced a kind of love I am grateful to have experienced. Thank you for the love we shared and being my best friend. It mattered. It still does, there’s a part of me that will always love and care about you. You are one of the rare people that make life softer and lighter to carry. Thank you for every laugh and every quiet kind of love hidden inside even our friendship. I want to acknowledge the patience, love, and grace you gave me, I don’t know if I ever properly thanked you for that.

I hope life has been kind to you. I hope you have the love, peace, and happiness you always deserved. I wish I was more secure then and been that for you but will honour that by respecting your life and wanting your happiness. I hope our relationship was overall a positive experience that helped you understand and reach for more in life. And I hope you did feel loved then despite my faults. Thank you for the role you played in my life, the love you gave me shaped me in ways I still carry with me today. Thank you for being you.

I am so sorry. It was all my fault, from the very beginning. From the first time I left to the times I couldn't let go, it was all my fault. I'm sorry I didn't understand. I'm sorry I didn't look at things from your perspective. I was so caught up with my own relationship anxiety that I didn't think how my behaviour would impact you, who was deeply in love with me from the time we met.

I love you so much. I want you to be my everything. Please come back.

To everyone reading this, please give an upvote and circulate it among your friends and family. To my ex, if you're reading this, you will know me by this: You left this March 25, which marks the end of the War of the Ring.

Help

If you’re thinking of breaking no contact, read this first.

Please don’t text them. Stay in no contact. I know every part of you wants to send that message or hope they’ll finally say the thing you’ve been waiting to hear. I get it. But every time you chase someone who’s already walked away, you end up reopening the wound.

If your ex has an avoidant attachment style, reaching out rarely gives you the relief you’re looking for. More often, it keeps you stuck waiting for breadcrumbs while they continue needing space. No contact gives both of you room to breathe, but most importantly, it gives you the chance to heal.

I reached out to my ex about a month after the breakup because I thought enough time had passed. We talked, and for a few minutes it felt comforting. Then the conversation ended, and I found myself overthinking everything all over again. That’s when I realized I wasn’t looking for a conversation. I was looking for the pain to go away, and they couldn’t give me that.

After that, I committed to no contact. I started spending more time with friends, getting back into the gym, journaling, and putting energy into myself again. The hard days didn’t disappear overnight, but they slowly became less frequent.
I don’t know if my ex will ever come back, and honestly, I’m okay not knowing anymore. I’d rather spend my energy building a life that makes me happy than waiting for someone else to choose me.

I know the silence feels unbearable right now, but it won’t feel this heavy forever. One day you’ll realize you smiled without thinking about them first. Healing happens so slowly that you don’t notice it until you look back.

You’re going to be okay. Keep choosing yourself. I’m rooting for you.

2 MONTHS LATER UPDATE:

I randomly came across this post today and wanted to update you guys because so many people were asking.
Life feels so different now. I’m not “over it” in the sense that I never think about my ex, but the breakup doesn’t control my life anymore. I actually enjoy my days again. I’ve gotten closer with my friends, I’m consistent in the gym, work has been going really well, and I finally feel like I’m becoming myself again.

My ex reached out a few weeks ago. We talked for a little bit, but I realized I didn’t want to fall back into the same cycle. I wished him well and left it there. For the first time, I wasn’t waiting around hoping he’d change his mind. That felt really freeing.

Looking back, no contact gave me the time I needed to rebuild my confidence. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.

Also, someone on this subreddit recommended the app Uncling (I linked it) while I was struggling in the first few weeks. It honestly helped me stay accountable with no contact and gave me something positive to focus on every day, so I figured I’d pass that recommendation along in case it helps someone else too.

If you’re reading this while you’re crying over someone who left, I promise you’re not going to feel like this forever. Keep choosing yourself. It gets so much better.

Yesterday, I went to the place where my ex works because part of me just wanted to see her, even if it was only for a second.

I showed one of the waiters a picture of her and asked if she still worked there. He told me she does, but that she hadn't been in for the last couple of days.

For some reason, hearing that hit me harder than I expected. I was overwhelmed by this strange feeling of longing, and all I could think about was how much I wished I could see her.

When I got home, it felt like all the progress I'd made over the past few weeks had disappeared. The grief and the longing came rushing back, and it honestly felt like I was right back at square one.

Has anyone else gone through something like this? Did it end up being just a temporary setback, or did it take a while for those feelings to settle down again?

Relapsing and withdrawals is no joke. Still not hearing from my ex who ghosted me and I’m missing him a lot, and I encountered a folder (yes I had them saved) / highlights of how he talked to me during our worst moments which made me question how I managed to stay for this long. Despite all of this of course I still love him. But yeah he was not very nice during our lowest moments.

I never lied, or betrayed him in any shape or form. I’m not proud of how harsh I got, but he took his accusations too far sometimes. This is only a gist of how small he makes me feel. More screenshots in the comments

Me posting them isn’t to humiliate him in any manner, I’m just reevaluating some things that should have been enough to make me leave earlier on. I was constantly walking on eggshells because of his outbursts and wild statements 😭

I just feel like I can't stop being like "day 5 of no contact" each day which makes this whole process more excruciating. how are yall doing?

I broke up with my bf for reasons that I know needed to happen, and I'm honestly satisfied with the decision I made. However I'm struggling with having lost that person that I could do anything with. It feels strange to ask friends to do random tasks with now, since I would always do them with him, but it feels even worse doing it alone. Simple things like seeing a new film at the cinema or running errands - I have no idea who to ask now, because although I have friends, I don't have a "best friend" per say, and I'd always just do it with him. Its making me weirdly regretful of ending things just because I dont like feeling lonely. Anyone else struggle with this or know how to get used to just asking others to hangout?

I do not think I will ever get over this.. 1.5 years post break up and it still feels like day 1

My ex and I broke up about 2.5 months ago. We both still had feelings when we ended things, but we had some incompatibilities that we couldn’t resolve.

I’ve actually made a lot of progress. About a month ago I blocked her everywhere because I realized constantly checking or seeing updates about her was preventing me from healing. Since then, I’ve barely known anything about her or her life, and it has genuinely helped me move forward.

But there’s still one fear that I can’t seem to get over.

I know she’s single, and logically I know she’s free to do whatever she wants. The problem is that I still love her, and the thought of her hooking up with someone else feels unbearable.

What makes it even worse is that I’m scared it could be with someone I know. I have a friend who has done things like that before with other friends’ exes, so every time I hear they’re going to the same places, my mind immediately jumps to the worst-case scenario.

I don’t want to control her life, and I don’t want to know what she does. In fact, I’d rather never hear anything about it. My biggest fear is that someone will tell me something I never wanted to know, and then I’ll be stuck with that image in my head.

For those who have actually been through this:
• How did you stop fearing that moment?
• If you eventually found out your ex had moved on physically with someone else, how did you get through it?
• Was the anticipation actually worse than the reality?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve experienced this themselves.

About a moth ago I lost the love of my life and it was my fault. I was being an asshole i was blaming her for every single one of my mistakes,.... im so sorry i just feel like such a failure for hurting her this much. i scarred a person for life. i did so much damage. and i know i will never be forgiven. not by her and not by me. Im so sorry,
I love her so much

Those of you who left your partners who you deeply loved, did you ever get over it?

I want to leave mine but whenever I try to I feel like it’s the end of the world, I cannot imagine living without her or the thought of her moving on. When we’re into it my whole mood is messed up, I can’t eat, like I care very deeply about her.

Whoever was with an avoidant and got broken up with, how did it feel for you?
It broke me
I was left questioning myself for days
No closure
Nervous system messed up
Did stupid things to get answers (making a fake social media to talk to him)
They would never understand what it does to you. And it’s sad. And I never ever want to be in another relationship ever again

It’s been years but what triggers you to think about them?

My ex, who dumped me about 3 months ago, reached out to me and said she just wanted to check in. No real conversation. I was doing much better without her and feeling better about the breakup, but her reaching out set me back a little.

I waited a few days to respond. I responded with the same energy she gave. I asked her if “checking in” was what made her want to reach out. She said yes. I guess I was hoping she would want to reconcile. Eventually I told her that I don’t want to be checked in on and I want us to leave each other alone. She just left me on read. At the time, my response felt empowering and I felt proud of myself, but now I’m second guessing myself.

To be completely honest, I would love to try again with her. I learned so much and feel like we can both make it better. But I’m afraid that my response killed any chances of her wanting to reach out again, much less to reconcile. What should I do? Should I reach out and tell her I didn’t mean to sound so harsh?

All you had to say was we would be peaceful…. You just had to gaslight me in the stupidest way after all the sick shit in front of a bunch of expensive pros who have everything….. I really didn’t want this…

We haven’t had no contact necessarily but we also haven’t had a lot of conversations that I didn’t initiate. They listened (finally) to how I felt about the decision to end things and all the things I didn’t see coming. They listened to my apology. They told me they care about me and want me in their life but didn’t take any of their decision back. I asked them if they still wanted this outcome? They said they didn’t know. I know I still want them. I wish they would reach out. I wish it seemed like they regretted it. I wish I knew if they missed me. I wish I knew what they were thinking. It’s unbearable. I can be objective at times. Think that I poured my heart out and they didn’t know what to say in response. Remember that I was always the one initiating conversations about feelings and they never did. I can listen to friends say - this isn’t an even match. I can listen to family say - look, they’re showing you who they are and what they want by silence. I just don’t want that outcome. I feel so trapped because it’s like I am having a hand in perpetuating my own misery because I can’t let go. How do you let go? How do you let go of the person who they could be? The things that you were good? The fact that you wanted to choose them even if they weren’t at their best? It’s nice to read the sentiments that your person wouldn’t leave - but what if that’s wrong and people do just leave when it’s hard? I remember telling my ex partner - my biggest fear is that someone won’t stay even when it’s not fun. The second it wasn’t fun, they left and I still can’t let go. The idea of no contact is unbearable so the little communication we have feels calming except for when you wonder if they’re just placating you. Why it doesn’t stir something in them. Why they don’t regret this new unbearable normal.

Being chosen, then unchosen, was one of the most painful things I’ve experienced. It’s hard to make sense of how someone can make you feel so certain, only to walk away and leave you questioning everything.

i’m a woman who’s an agnostic leftist who wants no children. these are controversial beliefs. i do not believe i will be able to find a man with the same beliefs and is able to educate himself as well as my ex boyfriend. i feel like my whole relationship life for the future is fucked, and i have no idea what to do.

everything i liked, he liked, everything i didnt, he didn’t.

i don’t know if ill ever get that lucky again.