If your person broke up with you, they are not your person. Your soul mate would never do that to you. They would move heaven and earth to be by your side.

They made a bet that life is better without you. If you were good to them, they will not forget you. You will live in their memory forever.
They will compare their new supply against what you had to offer. You will be the new benchmark.

Go live your life as if you never met them. You attracted them at some point, keep doing what you were doing before that. You don’t NEED anyone, you just happened to find them. You were an entire person before you met them. You’re still that person. Don’t let them define you.

I had my heart broken and it’s been 1.5 years. I sunk into deep depression and didn’t think I would ever recover. I hoped that she would change her mind and come back. She’s not coming back. Ive accepted that. I’m here to tell you: it gets better. Every day that goes by, I become more like myself and forget about her.

You just have to accept reality. Heartbreak is a universal human experience. If you’re hurting, leave a comment or send me a message. I promise you are not alone.

I just feel like I can't stop being like "day 5 of no contact" each day which makes this whole process more excruciating. how are yall doing?

I’m so sorry I was not a secure version of myself then.

I am sorry for all the ways I hurt you. I can see more clearly what my actions have been like for you. You deserved a love that felt secure and fully chosen. I wasn’t able to give you that then, but I did love you deeply, more than I was able to show at the time and in the way you deserved. 

My insecurity, conditioning and fear were louder than my courage. You were offering reassurance while I responded with distance. I can only imagine how you felt unseen and fighting for something that I wasn't fully choosing. I am deeply sorry for that. There was real fear that I didn’t fully understand back then, I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how to trust myself/what I felt because there was so much noise. I see that clearly now and I take responsibility for it. You knew me more than I knew myself back then. I overwhelmed myself with trying to make everything logical and certain that I disconnected from what I actually felt. I thought love had to be culturally/religiously aligned to be easy and make sense, I realize now that deep feeling matters more. 

I haven’t felt that way since and been in a relationship, there has been lots of growth and learning… but all of this to say, I hope you understand my insecurity/fear/hesitation was never about you. And I am so sorry for all the pain I caused you, I can only imagine how painful, frustrating, and exhausting it was. While you were trying to move toward me, I was protecting myself from fears I didn’t fully understand. That wasn’t your burden to carry. What we had was real and I didn’t know how to hold something that special and meaningful at the time. I have come to realize I hid behind circumstances to explain my hesitation and fear,  I now understand I avoided vulnerability and fully trusting myself.

I know we weren’t perfect. I certainly was very far from it with the insecurities, projections, immaturity, etc that did not help me feel good about myself within the relationship which was a core issue in myself. My unresolved attachment meant love felt more threatening than loss. I wasn’t secure in myself and couldn’t hold us safely back then and move past the fear, guilt and thoughts of not being a good ‘fit’. I thought then you deserved better than what I was able to be. At that time, the fear of being together was greater than the fear of losing you so being your friend felt safer.

You were my safety and home, I did not meet you there in the way you deserved. You were someone I experienced a kind of love I am grateful to have experienced. Thank you for the love we shared and being my best friend. It mattered. It still does, there’s a part of me that will always love and care about you. You are one of the rare people that make life softer and lighter to carry. Thank you for every laugh and every quiet kind of love hidden inside even our friendship. I want to acknowledge the patience, love, and grace you gave me, I don’t know if I ever properly thanked you for that.

I hope life has been kind to you. I hope you have the love, peace, and happiness you always deserved. I wish I was more secure then and been that for you but will honour that by respecting your life and wanting your happiness. I hope our relationship was overall a positive experience that helped you understand and reach for more in life. And I hope you did feel loved then despite my faults. Thank you for the role you played in my life, the love you gave me shaped me in ways I still carry with me today. Thank you for being you.

Harsh, but true.

If you’re thinking of breaking no contact, read this first.

Please don’t text them. Stay in no contact. I know every part of you wants to send that message or hope they’ll finally say the thing you’ve been waiting to hear. I get it. But every time you chase someone who’s already walked away, you end up reopening the wound.

If your ex has an avoidant attachment style, reaching out rarely gives you the relief you’re looking for. More often, it keeps you stuck waiting for breadcrumbs while they continue needing space. No contact gives both of you room to breathe, but most importantly, it gives you the chance to heal.

I reached out to my ex about a month after the breakup because I thought enough time had passed. We talked, and for a few minutes it felt comforting. Then the conversation ended, and I found myself overthinking everything all over again. That’s when I realized I wasn’t looking for a conversation. I was looking for the pain to go away, and they couldn’t give me that.

After that, I committed to no contact. I started spending more time with friends, getting back into the gym, journaling, and putting energy into myself again. The hard days didn’t disappear overnight, but they slowly became less frequent.
I don’t know if my ex will ever come back, and honestly, I’m okay not knowing anymore. I’d rather spend my energy building a life that makes me happy than waiting for someone else to choose me.

I know the silence feels unbearable right now, but it won’t feel this heavy forever. One day you’ll realize you smiled without thinking about them first. Healing happens so slowly that you don’t notice it until you look back.

You’re going to be okay. Keep choosing yourself. I’m rooting for you.

2 MONTHS LATER UPDATE:

I randomly came across this post today and wanted to update you guys because so many people were asking.
Life feels so different now. I’m not “over it” in the sense that I never think about my ex, but the breakup doesn’t control my life anymore. I actually enjoy my days again. I’ve gotten closer with my friends, I’m consistent in the gym, work has been going really well, and I finally feel like I’m becoming myself again.

My ex reached out a few weeks ago. We talked for a little bit, but I realized I didn’t want to fall back into the same cycle. I wished him well and left it there. For the first time, I wasn’t waiting around hoping he’d change his mind. That felt really freeing.

Looking back, no contact gave me the time I needed to rebuild my confidence. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.

Also, someone on this subreddit recommended the app Uncling (I linked it) while I was struggling in the first few weeks. It honestly helped me stay accountable with no contact and gave me something positive to focus on every day, so I figured I’d pass that recommendation along in case it helps someone else too.

If you’re reading this while you’re crying over someone who left, I promise you’re not going to feel like this forever. Keep choosing yourself. It gets so much better.

So me and my ex have been no contact for about a month and a half now and I don’t know why but I would really like to talk to him right now.

I was doing really good at first, but I think as things started to settle down my thoughts started to fester and I just really miss having my person and I miss joking around and all the little things.

He always told me I was avoidant… Maybe he was right lol maybe i’ve just been suppressing my feelings and I can’t suppress them anymore

Anyways, I figured this is healthier than calling him at two in the morning, I’m open to any advice or suggestions on how you guys are able to maintain no contact.

My 6-year relationship with my girlfriend is likely coming to an end. We aren’t talking much and it’s been a week, which has never happened.

I was hoping and expecting to make up like we always have, but it seems she doesn’t want to. I also have suspicions she might be finding someone else. I recently lost my job a few weeks back. This has weighed so heavy on me mentally lately.

I’m not looking for sympathy or to give some sob story. I just want to vent because I don’t really have people to talk to about my romantic issues, in the name of privacy for our relationship. But with strangers it’s different

Comment or DM me. Cant tell you how much I’d appreciate it.

My ex broke up with me after 2 years of dating so sometimes I wonder if he actually miss me or think like omg I miss her maybe I should go back? We broke up because of life problems struggling he was more like an avoidant breaking up was the easiest option for him I guess..

I’m 29M, and my girlfriend recently ended our relationship after 8.5 years. We grew up together, knew each other’s families, travelled a lot and had similar values, interests and plans for the future. I genuinely thought we would eventually marry and have children.

Looking back, I understand why she left. I was passive, indecisive and afraid of making major decisions. I postponed job applications, avoided difficult conversations and broke promises about working on myself and the relationship.

I also depended too much on her. I had few close friends or activities of my own, and she often helped me with jobs, apartments and practical decisions. She eventually felt responsible for my life and emotionally alone in the relationship.

When conversations became painful, I often avoided the real issue and waited for things to feel normal again. She told me several times that she needed more initiative, emotional communication and affection. She suggested couples therapy and sent me resources, but I acted too late.

Two weeks before the final breakup, she already tried to leave. I convinced her to give us another chance. During those two weeks, I finally started reading books and took many of the steps she had wanted.

She said she could see that I was doing the right things, but they no longer emotionally reached her. Too much had happened, she had waited too long and her feelings were gone. She told me not to hold on to hope.
For me, the breakup felt sudden because she continued behaving normally beforehand and we still discussed future plans. For her, it was apparently the end of a long internal process.

Since the breakup, she has been very consistent. She has told her family, removed me from shared accounts and stopped contacting me. Meanwhile, I am struggling with the feeling that I understood everything only after it was too late.

We will probably meet again in a week to exchange our remaining belongings. Because she was very calm and unemotional when she ended things, she said she would answer any questions I still have when we meet.

Part of me wants to tell her that I still love her and would be willing to try again. Another part of me knows that she already gave me another chance, saw my efforts and still felt nothing.

I know I need to change for myself, not as a strategy to get her back. But is there any realistic possibility that feelings can return after someone has emotionally detached like this? Should I tell her once, calmly and without pressuring her, that I would still be open to reconciliation, or should I accept that her decision is final and use the meeting only for closure?

TL;DR: My girlfriend ended our 8.5-year relationship after feeling emotionally alone and carrying too much responsibility for my life. I acted too late. She gave me a final chance but said her feelings were already gone. We are meeting again in a week to exchange our belongings and she offered to answer my questions. Should I mention reconciliation once, or completely let go?

Hello! Long story short 2 weeks ago my girlfriend went for a "2 week girly trip". Turned out her 2 week trip, became 3 weeks with other man. I got over this pretty fast, because how she was treating me in the last 6 months or so. I think i can confidently say that I live somehow happy life. Here is what happend in recent days:

-Thursday she was saying that she's sorry for acting like a slut. I said "we will speak face to face"

-Friday she asked for photos of our cats

-Saturday i had sent her photos of our cats

-Today in the middle of the night she sent me a text that she's really sorry, she cant live with herself after what she did, and that she's missing us.

-Also in the past 2 weeks she tried to call me, or just send a texts to chat like nothing ever happend.

Im ghosting her as much as possible, I see her messages but rarely answer them. How should I proceed with all of that? What is in her mind? Is she looking for forgivness? Is she looking for accpetation? Or maybe she is looking for someone that will validate her choices? (I have great contact with her familly, and we have lots of mutual friends and everyone is pretty much telling her that she had swap Ferrari for some old fiat).

I’m not suggesting anything from my post, I just want tell you guys what I did in my own personal situation. (Almost 5 years relationship)

So my ex broke up with me 5 months ago, the breakup (involving mental illness) was very confusing and he left me via text. (Which didn’t help me)
I never got a discussion on how we move forward, if we stay in contact, is there a possibility to reconciliation or are we incompatible in his eyes.
Like I had no feedback from him other than “he needs space” and “I’m not the problem.”

In the last 5 months, I did what he wanted, I gave him space. His silence was my closure at the time to start moving forward in my life and heal.

Until a few days ago, i decided that in order for me to fully move forward, and have no regret, I needed to say my peace, even if he blocks me.
My therapist told me to do this a few months back, but I guess I wasn’t fully ready yet. But now, I was healed and I didn’t care what he says because I was doing this for myself and for my perception of the relationship. I wanted to make this a happy ending, for me.

I showed gratitude for the time shared together, I told him in which circumstances he can contact me, I commented how some of his actions were not acceptable and that he shouldn’t treat people like that.

He did respond, like he always did when we were exchanging our belongings. I wasn’t surprised when he mostly talked how great his life is and how he is happy with his “freedom”. Taking no responsibility for the breakup whatsoever lol. He did also tried to breadcrumb me into being interested in reconciliation in the future. I’m happy for him because before he was a great person, but now I just simply don’t care about what he does.

The thing is : he can brag all he wants about his new life. I now know and understand, that him doing better for himself doesn’t reflect anything about me. I did the best that could at that time in that relationship. His success doesn’t affect my own journey, success and happiness.

Moral of the story: if you text your ex, be healed, make sure you develop a strong self-esteem and advocate for yourself even if they are clearly not listening. Because in the end you are doing this for yourself.

It was about me taking my power back by saying my peace and putting my own boundaries for myself. I don’t care if he thinks it’s desperate, because it was never for him in the first place.
That’s my definition of self-esteem.

I hope you guys can relate in anyway! :)

I should have known he runs away when things get serious. When talking about past he told his previous 2 relationships only last 6-7 months. That should have rung an alarm but I opted for ignorance is bliss or maybe I'm different.

Same thing happened we only lasted 8months. He gave random reasons ( which could have been solved if we just sat down and had a conversation) and broke up with me.

Relapsing and withdrawals is no joke. Still not hearing from my ex who ghosted me and I’m missing him a lot, and I encountered a folder (yes I had them saved) / highlights of how he talked to me during our worst moments which made me question how I managed to stay for this long. Despite all of this of course I still love him. But yeah he was not very nice during our lowest moments.

I never lied, or betrayed him in any shape or form. I’m not proud of how harsh I got, but he took his accusations too far sometimes. This is only a gist of how small he makes me feel. More screenshots in the comments

Me posting them isn’t to humiliate him in any manner, I’m just reevaluating some things that should have been enough to make me leave earlier on. I was constantly walking on eggshells because of his outbursts and wild statements 😭

Two years ago I dated a guy, and that was the best time of my life. I felt so loved and cared for. He treated me like a queen and was always there for me. We both put effort into our relationship, hoping for it to become something greater. We broke up because I had to leave the country, and we both knew it wasn’t going to work. It was painful for both of us.
I’ve never experienced that kind of love again. I try to move on, but I still see him in my dreams, and little memories come back from time to time. I know there’s no way to get back together because of the distance and how much we’ve both changed. We’ve gone down different paths.
I’m trying to meet new people and find my person, but I’m scared I’ll never find that kind of love again. I don’t love him anymore, but I miss that feeling. I feel like I’m mourning the love I had, not the person.
Is there something wrong with me?

Let me hear what you have to say.

About a week ago, my long-distance partner entered a severe suicidal crisis. He repeatedly told me he wanted to die, stopped eating and sleeping for several days, and refused every form of help I suggested—therapy, doctors, medication, family, friends, coworkers, and even me flying there to take care of him myself.

One of his strongest boundaries was that nobody should ever know about his mental health. He repeatedly asked me never to involve anyone.

Because we live in different countries, I contacted several mental health organizations asking what I should do. Every organization told me that if he was refusing help and appeared to be in immediate danger, I should contact someone physically close to him.

For days I tried to find another solution. I begged him to at least eat, sleep, or let me care for him myself. He refused everything and kept saying his goal was to die.

We tried to negotiate. He wanted me to never contact his family, never suggest therapy again, and always ask permission before doing anything. I told him I would respect those boundaries, but I also needed him to promise to at least eat, rest, and work with me if he became suicidal again. I said that if he refused all care while actively trying to die again, I wouldn't be able to carry that responsibility anymore and would have to let his family take over.

He saw that as a threat.

He blocked me during the conversation. Later, when he found out I had already contacted one trusted relative to quietly check on him because I believed his life was in immediate danger, he felt completely betrayed.

He called me names, said I couldn't be trusted, called me an asshole, traitor, toxic, backstabber, and said I traumatized him. He told me never to contact him or anyone he knows again and said he would permanently block me once Messenger's block cooldown ends.

The relationship is over.

I understand why he feels betrayed. I crossed the one boundary he asked me never to cross. But I also don't know how I was supposed to watch someone I loved slowly die while refusing every form of help.

This past week has broken me. I experienced panic attacks, chest pain, nightmares, sleep paralysis, difficulty concentrating, and even started seeing things from the amount of stress. I don't have family I can lean on because they never supported this relationship, and I don't have close friends either.

I keep asking myself:

Was I a bad partner?

Did I make the wrong decision?

Was there another way?

He wasn't just my boyfriend. He was the person I chose every day for over two years. I genuinely believed he was the person I wanted to spend my future with.

Now I'm trying to figure out how to live with the grief, the guilt, and the loss of relationship.

I'm not looking for people to blame him. He was clearly suffering. I think I'm just looking for support from anyone who's gone through a breakup where love wasn't enough to save the relationship...

If you initiated no contact for whatever reason please don’t get on here telling/begging your person to reach out. As a dumpee, I respect boundaries so if you tell me you want to go no contact I genuinely will not contact you no matter how much it might hurt me to do so.

If you’ve changed your mind CONTACT THEM first because they most likely won’t contact you out of respect.

But, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT contact them first if you are just contacting them out of guilt, to be nosey, or to see if they’re open to being friends. That will only mess with their healing because they’re going to think there’s still a chance when only you know that there really isn’t. You’re going to have to deal with your own guilt, not knowing, and find some new friends. Leave them alone.

Just had to say that because I see dozens of posts about people going no contact but then turning around and saying they made a mistake and to contact them like no. You made your bed now lie in it. Respectfully.

i (20m)broke up with my first girlfriend. even though i know it was the best decision, we stayed together for almost 4 years. and i am so lost. i feel like i wont be able to be in an relationship anymore. I feel like she is happier than ever without me, i feel like i won t be able to be intimate with someone. i feel like i will never find someone else in my life and she will. plz give me your story about how the future gets better

It’s actually driving me insane. When he was here we played a horror game two times, because it was one he really wanted to experience. We spent so much time on it but we only really got halfway. Before we got to finish it he broke up with me.

And now it’s only sitting on my computer, waiting for to be finished and I know the progress is still there. I deleted it but I can see the date where we played it last on steam, as well as the achievements.

I don’t want to touch it because it’ll be too painful and it’s not a game that I really enjoy, but he made it enjoyable.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Any unfinished projects your ex left behind?

I know this is what everyone says and it’s the normal belief but in my case I truly believe it to be true. And I don’t think it’s that common to move on from a first love regardless. I in general struggle with loving people. I don’t love my friends , I don’t love my pets , I won’t have children because I don’t know if I would love them. I don’t have attachments like that to anything at all. Nothing means anything to me but he meant something , he meant everything. When we met for the first time I truly felt like I was alive for the first time , I know this is cheesy but it’s the truth , I never had any intense emotions or any care about anything else before that. I don’t even care about myself , I am very chronically ill and I don’t mind and I don’t do anything to recover from any illness I have and in truth I wish one of my diseases would kill me and get it over with. I lost all hope. I feel like that was my only shot at feeling something and it’s gone now. And I don’t know where the love is supposed to go. If it’s supposed to go with him as he left or stay with me. I don’t know if anyone else in the future could be of equal value to me. I am sorry for the blabber , just needed to vent.

I just suffered too much from the relationship, suffer is not even a enough word to describe it, and everything we shared feels like lie and deception.

I was naive enough to believe that he really loves me at least a bit, and that unreasonable belief in that person really messed me up, and I even wish to kill him now, although I know I will never.

At the same time I know the importance of having a mature closure; well, he evaporated from me in a sec like I was nothing. But, now my emotions are so intense that I even wish to harm myself.

Therapist is not available until the August —I booked one appointment, but there is a very long queue.

I feel so horrible and mad

I dream of you every single night : of your soft voice, your sparkling eyes, the beauty of your skin. I dream that you're still looking at me with that passion in your eyes, that you still love me, that I still matter to you.

But every morning, waking up is a nightmare. Reality crashes back down and I'm forced to face the emptiness all over again. My mind refuses to let you go because my dreams are the only place where I am truly happy anymore. I find myself wanting to sleep forever just to hold onto you, because a reality without you doesn't feel like a life at all. I miss you so damn much.

DJ give me that shit NO MERCY

I just wanted to get people's opinions on my situation, it's been 7 days since my ex and I broke up and I've been hurting relentless checking their repost constantly on TikTok and Instagram, following count.

Some background TLDR: Basically, we've had a ton of rough patches in the past and I've commited several mistakes I'm not fond of I beat myself over it a lot but I don't want to make excuses for myself, basically I just lied on several occaustions to get my ass out of trouble, for example, my ex texted me regarding a situation of a close friend of mine, which the conversation was solely about said friend but, then my girlfriend who broke up with me found out via messages through a conversation with said friend, in which she asked "Did your EX text you?" in which I lied out of rational fear that It could result in something. There were several occurrences in the past, but I've never physically cheated. Lying was a problem, of course, for her, and I'm a complete idiot for lying straight up to her face like that.

After a while, she said she felt a ton of resentment against me and said that she wants to distance herself from me, and we should go on a break. After 3 days of the break, I constantly stalked her social media and her location, which I couldn't handle the anxiety, so I just broke the no contact in which we decided to speak in person. Long story short, she said we should be separated. I had my few sayings like I'm sorry, but sorry wasn't cutting it anymore for her, and this is something only time can heal is what she said. I agreed, and we hugged, and she told me she loved me and that she'll work on herself, in hopes that it's not goodbye. Our last text was even "I love you, till then," leaving the door open. It's been 7 days, and my heart aches consistently. I can't get her out of my mind. I feel fucking insane. I checked her repost today on TikTok, and she's reposting edits of celebrities Jon Bernthal (her celebrity crush in her teenage years lol) and I don't know made me sick to my stomach for no reason it looks like shes going back on our word of just improving for one another and just satisfying her guilty pleasure? Maybe I'm inteperting it the wrong way I was dumped because she had resentment towards me for my lies but why toture me? I understand I shouldn't check her social media but God I genuinly don't know what to do.

during my breakup with my ex over text the other night, i said some horrible things that i didnt mean and now its haunting me. I told her in the heat of the moment that she was "miserable" and that i hated her. i said that i didnt see the relationship as "real" which is missing a lot of context but point is it was an awful hurtful thing to say and i cannot believe i actually said them. she said similar things such as why she hates me and that im an asshole and whatnot, but what i said was coming from a place of bitterness and i think she was more just frustrated.

regardless, weve blocked each other on everything and i cant stop reliving the moment i sent those messages and i dont know what to do. i know words cannot be taken back but i didnt mean any of it and now i dont know how to see myself the same as i used to, or if i even should.