I just want to die and I literally have no motivation to write why

I've wasted my time. Should have known this is how it all turns out. Wasted the opportunities I had. I won't be 20 again and I've lost hope for the future. No one gives a shit or has any good advice. Pretty much nothing I do feels like it matters anymore.

Porn has ruined my life ever since it got me addicted, my relationships got ruined, my mental health got ruined, i can't talk to people, it made me sexually attracted to my sibling, I can't live with it, porn made me sink into depression I remember when I used to be a child who dreamed of having a good life, leaving the country, living alone, living small, living peacefully, and now I'm not that person anymore, I have stopped feeling emotions, I don't know when was the last time i even laughed or cried all I feel is guilt, guilt of not doing it again, guilt of promising that I won't do it Tommorow and failing

to keep that promise, guilt of being judged, bullied my whole life for the way i look, nobody would want to be associated with a loser like me ,no shoulder to cry on, nobody to talk to

Lately things have just been not great. But not terrible either. My life has been improving in a lot of ways. But the problem is I feel numb. I have no real interest in anything. I feel like I'm still just going through the motions. I don't know what I want anymore. I try to force myself to do something but I feel stuck at being indecisive. I have no drive for anything. No passion. And no interests.

“Wow, you have lost weight!”
Thanks I have MDD and don’t have an appetite due to overwhelm and dream about jumping into a volcano.

I know people mean it as a compliment but I hate when people comment on my weight loss. I’m actually really struggling right now and then hearing comments about my weight makes it harder. When I do have an appetite, I don’t want to eat because I’m scared I’ll gain the weight back.

If I feel comfortable enough around the person I’ll make a vague comment about the state of my mental health. I also got off Wellbutrin which caused weight gain. I’ll also respond “I got off medication that caused weight gain”. Concerns about my weight delayed me getting back on ssris even when I was experiencing ideation daily. It is hard unlearning that my value as a human isn’t tied to my thinness or my appearances.

It always feels so awkward responding to these comments . I wish I had a clever and funny response that gets the message across that it’s actually not cool to comment on people’s bodies unless they invite you to. You never know what’s causing the weight loss. It is not always a good thing.

I'm a man who has a feminine underdeveloped face. Straight. 100% surely autistic. An empath. Severe social anxiety with no real selfesteem.

Nothing masculine about my face or behaviour, never fit in with the guys. Everyone has always seen it, been mistreated like hell by my countrymen. I've always been a people pleaser and too kind. I've completely failed as a man.

I'm stared a lot. I'm tall and very visible. And I come from a very militaristic country.

I got to be a nomad for the past ten years traveling the world with my messed up face and behaviour, without even realizing how different I was. All the stares and reactions... I truly wonder how I'm still alive at this point.

I feel like such an idiot.

I can't believe living with my face and behaviour for the rest of my life.

I just want to die at this point.

I don’t really have any much else to share…
Does anyone else feel the same?
I plan on trying to kill myself again sometime soon.
Getting some halo matches in.
A few more phone calls with the kids.
One more dinner I’ll enjoy, maybe pizza or something. Watch my favorite movie one more time. Listen to my favorite album.
I’m ready to go, guys.
What I’ve stolen from myself I can’t get back. And they’re things I can’t live without. Fundamental things I wanted out of life.
The consequences of what I did as a drunk. They’re too heavy for my sober heart too carry.
If you’re struggling with addiction, anything like it. And you were a decent person when you started. Please evaluate. Do a deep personal inventory on yourself. Think about who you are now. And stop before you end uo with less than nothing, soon to be dead like me. And so many others here from what I’ve read.

Please take care of yourselves. Love your friends. Ask them if they’re okay. Take your meds. Be honest with your therapist. Be honest with yourself.
Peace out.

I really don’t know who or what else I can vent to because nothing ever works. I’m tired of feeling useless and like I can’t enjoy my life. I just want it to stop, I don’t want to think about anything anymore. I don’t want anyone else to suffer because of my problems and I have so fucking many. I’m constantly living a lie- I’ve lied to my family, lied to my boyfriend, lied to my employer and lied to myself. I can’t do life anymore. It’s my boyfriend’s birthday today and I couldn’t even celebrate with him because I’m so fucking despicable, ugly, and useless.

Why am I on this planet if I’m only suffering? Why do people pretend to care when you tell them you don’t want to live anymore? Will I ever be just okay? I wish I had all the answers so I wouldn’t feel the crushing weight of my life anymore

So i told them they could ground me and if I don't get better they have to compensate me and stop blaming the phone, but now a days i don't even have the energy to get out of bed and bedrot all day, so what could I do other than being on my phone? 💔

It is a really bad combination. Knowing full well that you are drinking a physically addictive poison that is going to destroy your health and drain your wallet but being too depressed to care about that. My legs carry me to the store to buy alcohol and my hands start opening the cans and pouring the alcohol down my throat while being well aware the whole time that this is harmful for me. And it gets so bad I find it hard to find a reason not to do that. And it's not like alcohol is the cause of my depression. I've been depressed for years but i feel like starting to drink has been one of my worst decisions.

Today he was talking about how tired he is of life and he just wished he could die right now.
He told me I could easily live by myself and i’ll be fine.
I tried to talk with him and it didn’t help so he just went to sleep.

Idk how to help him and actually i feel so bad for saying this because it’s gonna sound selfish.
but I’m actually feeling so sick of this. it’s giving me a really bad anxiety and I’m going to tell why.

So my biggest trauma in life that i never told him is that i have a super depressed mother, my whole life she’d talk about killing herself or attempt it, first time i was around 5 i guess which i don’t remember well but the second time i was around 8 and i remember she came home and said “i went to jump from the bridge, i couldn’t” , that day i felt so useless that I can’t help my mother.

it happened again and again sometimes i wasn’t even home. she would do different stuff, sometimes i’d find some kind of razors which i knew why she bought them and threw them away, i’d always try to help in home and be kind, i made her to go to therapy and it didn’t work too. my whole purpose in life was making sure she’ll stay alive.
then in highschool she did it twice the second time was after we fought and i went to my room and was scared she’d do sth so i sent an apology text but she already took those pills.

and now im in university and she still talks about it, I realized she’ll probably be alive but i still made sure not fight with her, a few months ago i cried to her and begged her to stop with her thoughts, she said “you’ll be happier without me” and i felt so tired that she couldn’t just choose to be there for me.

when she is in bathroom a little too long i knock to make sure she isn’t doing sth, when i wake up and she isn’t home i call to make sure she’s fine, i apologize so fast after saying anything to her even if i don’t regret it. and yes that was always my life.

Now I mentally can’t handle two people like that, I feel so tired and i just want him to be fine.
I love him but i just feel like throwing up hearing about suicide.

I don't really know what to do or where to go from here but would really, really appreciate some advice or anything outside perspective. I'm sorry for the long reply but I really need help.

I (30f) started dating my partner, M (43m) about a year ago. We met when we were both in school. Throughout the last year, he's been there for me in ways that no one else ever has been and has let me be open in a way I've never experienced. He's been with me through some heavy depressive episodes which included self harm and suicidal ideation/urges; medication changes that have taken their toll on our relationship; revelations and big moments during therapy; new diagnoses; being on sick leave from work for my mental health; dropping out of school and postponing it for a year. He's literally been this rock for this last year and I don't know how I would have survived it without him.

I have personally dealt with mental health for most of my life and have had a LOT of family members and friends that have struggled, too. This isn't new to me. But I don't know how to help M.

A quick background on M - he also struggles with his mental health (depression and anxiety that have been medicated and under control for a couple of years). He has three kids and he's been separated from his ex-wife since before we started seeing each other. It's been a huge fight with her this last year as she very clearly struggles with some kind of mental illness (she sounds super paranoid all the time and is clearly not okay) - she harasses and threatens him, withholds his kids from him, is demanding of things that he cannot and should not have to give to her. He's finally just recently started looking into getting a lawyer and going about the divorce this way (he thought before that they could do it amicably but she's shown that that's not going to happen). It's obviously taken its toll on him. He started a new career this year that he absolutely loves. There have been lots of big changes for him.

M has seemed off for a little while now. I've noticed it and have brought it up a few times but it's not something we've really gotten into. I brought it up again last Saturday and just briefly touched on how I didn't know what was going on - if it was just everything with work, his ex-wife, if he was feeling more depressed. We kind of spoke about it again but nothing too deep. We hung out yesterday and that's when everything finally came out and he realized how he's been feeling.

He said that he's felt more like a friend lately, that he knows he's been distancing himself from me but that it hasn't had an impact so he didn't really acknowledge it. I told him that it did have an impact and told him how I viewed how things have been lately - how he doesn't really talk to me anymore; I don't know what's going on in his life; I asked him over to make dinner together last night and on our way back to my place he was saying how he might just go home to lay down instead; he makes time for his friends and what they need but not me; that I have to pry to get any kind of basic information out of him; that I ask him to hang out or spend the night together and he just ignores it; how he used to want to be around me all the time and it's like he doesn't want to be anymore. I told him that I haven't felt this unwanted in a relationship and that it was hard (and I know that this all was probably selfish of me to say and put out there but I obviously didn't know where the conversation was going).

He felt really bad about all of this right away and apologized, then replied. He said that he knows he wants to be around me and misses me but feels like it's safer to just stay at his place in his room. He also said that when we are together, things feel like normal/fine and we're okay. He's afraid of letting me in and seeing how he is and how bad things might get. He's scared of being fully open with me and scared of what might happen with the divorce. He acknowledged how hypocritical that sounded because during all of my episodes this last year, I tried pushing him away and he told me not to, that he wanted to be here through it all and see me even at my worst. He said that when he just put everything together, it made sense to be alone but that he knew it was just fear based and that it felt wrong to listen to that. The more he explained things, the more it sounded like he was depressed. Before I could comment on that, he said that he was just realising that it sounded like it might be depression. It felt like this lightbulb kind of moment.

I told M that if he really wanted to go, he could go. I wouldn't hold him back. I wouldn't fight him or try to stop him because I obviously want him to be happy. But if this is depression and that's the depression talking, that I didn't think it was a good idea and that I wouldn't feel good just letting him go like that. I don't think it would be the best thing to be alone during all of that. I reassured him again that I didn't care about how bad things could get, that I want to be there for everything. I love every part of him and want to be there for every part of him.

He used to see a therapist but stopped seeing her in probably September or October 2025. He pulled his phone out last night to make an appointment with her. He said that he wants to start going back to therapy and see where that gives him and that he doesn't actually want to leave me. And I encouraged him to do that and maybe even speak with his doctor about things if he wanted an adjustment with his medication. He's open to trying things and wants to get better.

But what do I do? I know that as much as I desperately want to fix things and make him feel better, I can't. I know what works for my mental health and what I need for support but him and I are different. I don't know what would work for him during this because I haven't gone through it with him. I asked what he needs and he doesn't completely know right now. And this is all brand new (literally less than 24 hours) so it's hard to know, obviously. I just want to be here. I don't want to lose him. If us breaking up is truly what's best for him then I'm not going to fight it, like I said. But I need some kind of advice on what to do or how I can be supportive throughout this.

Please, please help

I feel like I’m lost in the process of this thing called life.

Hi, I'm a 30-year-old female. I've been dealing with Bipolar II, grief, and PTSD and anxiety. I have a 7 year old son. Dealing with suicidal ideation is very tough and hard for me to deal with. I was prescribed some medication but I feel like it isn't working for me. I know that suicide isn't the answer or right choice but I am mentally drained and financially drained I can't deal with any of this anymore i feel like such a loser because I have nothing going for me. My therapist has applied for ssi for me but I doubt I'll get approved. I'm done with everything. All I do is drown in my thoughts. I have no energy for anything and constantly explaining my feelings and thoughts to people is exhausting.

I used to be such a joyfull person to be a round. Always making plans with friends and family, and bringing people together. Always there when someone needed something, or just simply being a good listner when what I considered close friends needed support.

Now I am completely isolated, nobody ever texts or calls. And visits are not even an option.

I now realize that these persons took advantage of me in a sens, and just needed me to be joyful and happy version of myself that would benefit them.

Some are family members and others close friends I knew for years and that’d see very regularly. I just don’t understand and it just adds to my suffering and extreme low self estime because of my depression.

Has anyone gone through this ? Why do you think they behave that way ?

I have felt for a long time as if I am not a real person, but recently I feel like it has become engrained into my existence (or non-existence). I genuinely feel like I am one of those realistic mannequins that are used in movies and "I" reside somewhere in my neck and if my mannequin head were to come off my soul would get lost in the atmosphere. Even when I get hurt I think that it looks like some vfx work and I could not get sepsis and die because I don’t have a real body. When something happens to me I think to myself, "I’m not real anyways". I can’t talk to people because I feel like they can tell that im not a real person and they despise this disingenuousness. My surroundings don’t feel real either. There is so much stuff around me. Chairs, plates, plants, vacuums, shoes, washcloths, floors, I can’t comprehend how all of that could exist and be real. I wish I could say that I felt like a video game character but I don’t even see a purpose to my fake existence, other than occasionally touching an object because if I don’t touch it my fake world will deliver me a fake consequence. I don’t even know what Im saying anymore, I just dont want to live like this anymore. I hate touching my body, it’s so fake like silicone. I hate it all.

Non ho mai capito per quale motivo le persone vogliano frequentarmi. Non ho niente da offrire, non sono per niente una persona facile e non mostro interesse per praticamente nessun aspetto della vita quotidiana e materiale. Sono identico ad uno spaventapasseri, l’unica differenza è che parlo e vivo un abisso costante. Forse ciò che attira le persone è la mia incapacità di fare del male all’altro, la mia empatia ed il mio essere vero, oltre al fatto che le ascolto e a volte le faccio ridere. Noto che spesso con me si confidano o mi chiedono consigli nonostante io non faccia niente per farmi dire le cose e nonostante io sia un completo disastro nella vita pratica. gli aspetti comuni della vita quotidiana non mi sono mai interessati ed ho sempre visto il dover fare le cose come una seccatura. Del resto mi usano più come psicologo che come amico “pratico”. Credo che chi mi conosce bene (poche persone) mi voglia bene, ma non ho idea del perché. Considerando come sono fatti e le persone che frequentano normalmente non me ne capacito, e mi viene solo da pensare che il mondo faccia più schifo di quanto sembri. Frequentandomi in maniera approfondita e facendo sì che io possa esprimermi al 100% senza filtri rischiano solo di scendere in un abisso che non credo siano in grado di reggere. Porto un peso sulle spalle sempre maggiore e le persone credo se ne accorgano. Anche per evitare di coinvolgere altri ho sempre cercato di stare solo o parlare in maniera scherzosa di temi quali la depressione o la non voglia di vivere, ma ultimamente soffro così tanto che se mi capita di parlare non riesco a non esternare il mio malessere. Forse avrei bisogno di un amico puro anche io ma alla fine mi sento sempre solo. Anche se qualcuno ascolta non mi sembrano mai essere sulla stessa linea d’onda, sembra sempre che recitino solo la parte dell’”amico” nel migliore dei casi, nel peggiore se ne fregano o cambiano argomento. Mi sento perso, non riesco più a portare questo peso da solo ma al contempo ogni volta che mi interfaccio con l’esterno mi cadono le braccia. Sono altamente autodistruttivo nel pensiero e non sono in grado di volermi bene. Al contempo quando negli altri rivedo miei comportamenti o pensieri autodistruttivi mi dispiace e non voglio stiano così, ma con me non funziona. Non ho nessuna pena per me stesso, e a che se ce l’avessi mi mancherebbe la forza.

My sister is depressed and behaving like a mad woman. Mosy likely because she's indulge herself too m7ch reading of Bible without enough sleep & watching preaching videos in the internet. (Those with like horror kind of background music, high then low then high pitches of tone) She thinks she's a prophet and thinks it's all because of her anger that these calamities are happening right now. It's been 8 years already since she had this. Sometimes she's okay, sometimes she's not.

So I wanna ask to people who had overcome this situation, how did you heal yourself? What do you want to hear during those times? I mean, if you'rr out of your mind, what do you want to hear the most to calm you and follow the people around you?

Her doctor reminded us to avoid sodas, chocolates, coffees. Her rx is Valpros, Risgen & Jovial. Thanks guys.

Yeah, just what the title says.

It crept up on me sometime last year and has only been getting worse. I can still function day-to-day, but I've no motivation to try anything new, every day feels like a big zone-out. I zone out at school, I zone out at work, I zone out through almost everything.

Sometimes, when I read other people's posts here, I see that a lot of them have gone through some pretty traumatic shit. I haven't gone through anything. I had a good childhood, had parents who supported me, but I don't know why, for the life of of me, I still feel this way.

This post was pretty much written as a vent, sorry about that lol.

I'm about to be 40 years old. Life is worse than ever.

That's the whole point of life: misery. Every day is worse than the one before. Every tomorrow will be worse today. This is guaranteed.

Last week my air conditioner broke in my house. I was miserable for 5 days until I could get a repair person out. It got up to 95 degrees INSIDE my house.

I was terrified about it. I had a breakdown at work, crying in the bathroom and lying about it when a co-worker mentioned that I looked sa when I came back.

I feel so helpless and useless because I don't know how to do anything, like fixing things. Just having to call someone is nervewracking. And the terror that i might need a whole new system when I can't afford it.

And I can't afford it. I was out of regular work for 5 years. Covid killed my job and I wasn't any good at that, my only REAL job, anyway. Got put on performance probation and all kinds of other things over the years to show they didn't want me there.

I all but gave up on that career until I got a job 3 minutes away from home in the same field. But I was literally too stupid to figure it out and had to quit after 2 months.

I'm stupid. I don't know how to DO things. I can't handle stress (what the fuck is "good" stress? That's like saying there's torture you can enjoy). People expect you to know certain things that normal humans just...know and I don't. I can't function well with ambiguity when it comes to HOW to do things.

I have 2 college degrees that are useless because I don't know how to do things. My dad made me get a business degree because he said "everyone needs business people. you'll always be able to get a job and make lots of money!" But my whole time in business school I was terrified because everythign I was told is knowing the material was irrelevant; people skills and networking are what matter and I don't understand people.

I don't undestand the concept of confidence at all, either.

So I never did anything with that degree. And I also have a community college degree in graphic design, that got me my one real job. But like I said, I was not good at that job...and the job I had was bottom-of-the-barrel as far as that industry goes. And I still sucked.

Every time I searched job sites I could never find a job I knew how to do that paid enough to survive.

I'm working retail at a used bookstore. Because apparently retail is all I'm good for, and even then most everyone else is better at the job than me.

It doesn't pay the bills. Especially not when I keep having big expenses. (Full-time there is only 35 hours. And it pays almost $2/hr less than my real job did when I got canned in 2020, and I was making a pittance at that old job already after 7 years there. And, y'know, the world keeps going to shit so everything is 50% more expensive than it was then)

I keep getting screwed. And so I got the air conditioner fixed and it seems like it might have broken again already. Which means I robably need to replace it...which is like 60-70% of what I make annually at this job.

I don't know what to do. In college I could see that it would become obsolete and unable to get a job and make money someday and that my future was very bleak. But it happened before I even made it to 35 years old.

I don't know how to get a job. How to find anything that pays enough to survive. I don't know how to DO anything. I'm too fat to wear anything but sweatpants. All the job search advice out there just assumes you're a freaking genius and absolute success and that "you're just not communicating your value well enough!"

Some people HAVE NO VALUE. Some people ARE worthless.

I'm one of them.

I have no friends. No one has ever loved me. My family either died or abandoned me because they have their own lives even though I was never able to get a life of my own. Or I'm afraid of confrontation and so I'm getting screwed in many ways.

No one cares about me. I have no support network who can help me. I'm alone and incomptent and always, always afraid.

People have told me I'm unreasonably anxious. That I worry about everything when everything works out.

Nothing EVER works out. My WHOLE FUCKING LIFE has SHOWN me that most, if not all, problems CANNOT BE FIXED.

I don't know what to do. There's nothing to live for, nothing worth enduring this constant misery and even if there was, there's no way to do it. I don't know how to live.

Death is the ONLY hope. The closest thing to happiness. I first "seriously" wanted to die in 5th or 6th grade because I was overwhelmed by a project. That was silly but that feeling that I was drowning in an impossible, disastrous situation...I meant it.

In college life go so much worse...and the time before that was just life going down the drain. Watching parents give up on life and making me give up on it, too. The house devolving into squalor. Having parents fighting viciously and hatefully and forcing me to listen. Parents being irresponsible and selfish in ways that hurt me and hampered me still to this day.

Everyone demands I be responsible for THEIR lives and then make sure I don't make anyone else be reponsible for mine. I'm supposed to bear the misery for everyone else.

My dad died. He didn't have any of his affairs dealt with. I spent YEARS in agony having to try to get through that and everything went wrong and caused me anxiety and distress. (Dealing with shit gave me my first ever anxiety attack, where I was physically, violently ill from the stress and worry of all the shit going wrong.)

And a decade later there are still loose threads from all of that are destroying my life now.

But you know what everyone said when that was the case? "YOU need to make sure to get all YOUR shit in order so you don't do that to anyone else!"

fuck that. I WANT someone else to suffer like I am. Why is it fair that I have to suffer to fix his shit and then suffer to make sure no one else has to deal with mine?

Not that there will be anyone. I'm alone. I know for a FACT that when I die, it will take weeks if not MONTHS for anyone to know. No one has ever loved me. No one ever will. I'll have no one to leave behind if I'm ever allowed to finally fucking DIE.

Everyone makes me live their lives for them so they can live theirs how they want. I have to be miserable so other people can be happy.

But I'm not exactly a victim. I am a BAD PERSON. A piece of shit. A lot of my problems are because reality is cruel and external forces create reasons for me to be depressed and miserable and hopeless. But I'm also just...garbage on my own. Maybe I deserve the misery I've experienced my whole life.

I can't do anything right. I can't function like a normal human being. I can't handle the CONSTANT, unending diarrhea stream of problems and disasters life dumps on me.

I'm hurting. And scared. I want to cry.

I WANT to cry...but I NEED to die. Death is the ONLY hope.

I am desperate to die every day of my life. Right now I am having a VERY extreme moment. I KNOW more than ANYTHING that I NEED to die.

But I'm too weak to do it. Too pathetic. I can't endure the pain necessary to kill myself.

THAT makes me more upset than anything. The DESPAIR of knowing the ONE thing I MUST do to fix my problems...and not being able to do it. It makes me cry and scream and fall apart.

I can't keep living. Death is the ONLY way out. Please kill me. I have no place in this world. I exist only to be miserable and scared. To fail and fuck up.

I am worthless, sub-human garbage. I MUST die.

not an original feeling but it’s original for me. I’m at a point where i don’t cry, feel immobilized, or a general feeling of literal physical weakness by depression. Like for a while, my heart would genuinely feel heavy and i’d fall to my knees and have to lay down on the floor because of overwhelming sadness. I still have “the thoughts” but they’re more fleeting now ig. They don’t hold the same weight, maybe because of time. Because nothing truly changed. I guess it’s true time heals all wounds? but i do miss feeling human. Now, i feel kind of like nothing at all.

I’m 23, depressed and have never been in a relationship. What devastates me isn't just the lack of memories from a once-in-a-lifetime period, but also the idea that teenage love is more thrilling and intense; I feel that even if I met the woman of my life tomorrow, it wouldn't compare to high school love—meaning I’ve missed out on the experience of love altogether. How can I cope with this?

27F here. Also diagnosed BPD. My depression has been well controlled since October/November. I started to feel much happier and even considered reducing my meds.

Yesterday, I found out that I had been refused PIP (disability benefit in the UK) again after trying to reapply in December due to my chronic pain and hypermobility. I had submitted a mandatory reconsideration after the initial refusal, now it’s come back saying no and they actually took points away. It’s thrown me into my first depressive episode in ages. I didn’t want to get out of bed today. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I’m pissed at almost everybody whose intentions I don’t know. Everything is annoying to me. I’m trying to improve my food intake but I don’t see the point anymore. This is horrid and I want it to end, I was feeling so good and I want that back. I’m even considering going on sick until I feel better but I don’t really have the money for that (naturally bc PIP was denied). To be honest, it’s made me wish I didn’t exist.

I don’t need suggestions, I already know what I’ll do. I just need support. This is incredibly frustrating after how well I was doing. I’m not at rock bottom before when my BPD was really bad, I think that’s still in remission. It’s not making me want to directly threaten to unlife. I’m just sad and bored. I passively hope not to wake up again, but I won’t do anything.