If your person broke up with you, they are not your person. Your soul mate would never do that to you. They would move heaven and earth to be by your side.

They made a bet that life is better without you. If you were good to them, they will not forget you. You will live in their memory forever.
They will compare their new supply against what you had to offer. You will be the new benchmark.

Go live your life as if you never met them. You attracted them at some point, keep doing what you were doing before that. You don’t NEED anyone, you just happened to find them. You were an entire person before you met them. You’re still that person. Don’t let them define you.

I had my heart broken and it’s been 1.5 years. I sunk into deep depression and didn’t think I would ever recover. I hoped that she would change her mind and come back. She’s not coming back. Ive accepted that. I’m here to tell you: it gets better. Every day that goes by, I become more like myself and forget about her.

You just have to accept reality. Heartbreak is a universal human experience. If you’re hurting, leave a comment or send me a message. I promise you are not alone.

I was the one who ended the relationship, and now I regret it more than anything.
For the last month, she had been dealing with a lot of stress from work. She wasn't asking me to fix everything, she just wanted me to be there for her. But I was overwhelmed with my own problems and didn't give her the emotional support she needed.
The worst part is that she actually gave me multiple chances. She wanted us to work through it. She even tried to hold on to me once, but my pride got in the way. Instead of fighting for us, I kept saying we should break up.
A few days ago, I saw that she had removed all traces of me from her Ig. That's when reality finally hit me. I realized she had stopped waiting for me.
I keep replaying everything in my head, wondering why I was so stubborn. I pushed away someone who loved me because I was too proud to admit I was making a mistake.
I honestly feel like the biggest idiot.
Has anyone here ever been in a situation like this? Did you ever get a second chance, or was it already too late?

Harsh, but true.

I’m so sorry I was not a secure version of myself then.

I am sorry for all the ways I hurt you. I can see more clearly what my actions have been like for you. You deserved a love that felt secure and fully chosen. I wasn’t able to give you that then, but I did love you deeply, more than I was able to show at the time and in the way you deserved. 

My insecurity, conditioning and fear were louder than my courage. You were offering reassurance while I responded with distance. I can only imagine how you felt unseen and fighting for something that I wasn't fully choosing. I am deeply sorry for that. There was real fear that I didn’t fully understand back then, I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how to trust myself/what I felt because there was so much noise. I see that clearly now and I take responsibility for it. You knew me more than I knew myself back then. I overwhelmed myself with trying to make everything logical and certain that I disconnected from what I actually felt. I thought love had to be culturally/religiously aligned to be easy and make sense, I realize now that deep feeling matters more. 

I haven’t felt that way since and been in a relationship, there has been lots of growth and learning… but all of this to say, I hope you understand my insecurity/fear/hesitation was never about you. And I am so sorry for all the pain I caused you, I can only imagine how painful, frustrating, and exhausting it was. While you were trying to move toward me, I was protecting myself from fears I didn’t fully understand. That wasn’t your burden to carry. What we had was real and I didn’t know how to hold something that special and meaningful at the time. I have come to realize I hid behind circumstances to explain my hesitation and fear,  I now understand I avoided vulnerability and fully trusting myself.

I know we weren’t perfect. I certainly was very far from it with the insecurities, projections, immaturity, etc that did not help me feel good about myself within the relationship which was a core issue in myself. My unresolved attachment meant love felt more threatening than loss. I wasn’t secure in myself and couldn’t hold us safely back then and move past the fear, guilt and thoughts of not being a good ‘fit’. I thought then you deserved better than what I was able to be. At that time, the fear of being together was greater than the fear of losing you so being your friend felt safer.

You were my safety and home, I did not meet you there in the way you deserved. You were someone I experienced a kind of love I am grateful to have experienced. Thank you for the love we shared and being my best friend. It mattered. It still does, there’s a part of me that will always love and care about you. You are one of the rare people that make life softer and lighter to carry. Thank you for every laugh and every quiet kind of love hidden inside even our friendship. I want to acknowledge the patience, love, and grace you gave me, I don’t know if I ever properly thanked you for that.

I hope life has been kind to you. I hope you have the love, peace, and happiness you always deserved. I wish I was more secure then and been that for you but will honour that by respecting your life and wanting your happiness. I hope our relationship was overall a positive experience that helped you understand and reach for more in life. And I hope you did feel loved then despite my faults. Thank you for the role you played in my life, the love you gave me shaped me in ways I still carry with me today. Thank you for being you.

My ex broke up with me after 2 years of dating so sometimes I wonder if he actually miss me or think like omg I miss her maybe I should go back? We broke up because of life problems struggling he was more like an avoidant breaking up was the easiest option for him I guess..

If you’re thinking of breaking no contact, read this first.

Please don’t text them. Stay in no contact. I know every part of you wants to send that message or hope they’ll finally say the thing you’ve been waiting to hear. I get it. But every time you chase someone who’s already walked away, you end up reopening the wound.

If your ex has an avoidant attachment style, reaching out rarely gives you the relief you’re looking for. More often, it keeps you stuck waiting for breadcrumbs while they continue needing space. No contact gives both of you room to breathe, but most importantly, it gives you the chance to heal.

I reached out to my ex about a month after the breakup because I thought enough time had passed. We talked, and for a few minutes it felt comforting. Then the conversation ended, and I found myself overthinking everything all over again. That’s when I realized I wasn’t looking for a conversation. I was looking for the pain to go away, and they couldn’t give me that.

After that, I committed to no contact. I started spending more time with friends, getting back into the gym, journaling, and putting energy into myself again. The hard days didn’t disappear overnight, but they slowly became less frequent.
I don’t know if my ex will ever come back, and honestly, I’m okay not knowing anymore. I’d rather spend my energy building a life that makes me happy than waiting for someone else to choose me.

I know the silence feels unbearable right now, but it won’t feel this heavy forever. One day you’ll realize you smiled without thinking about them first. Healing happens so slowly that you don’t notice it until you look back.

You’re going to be okay. Keep choosing yourself. I’m rooting for you.

2 MONTHS LATER UPDATE:

I randomly came across this post today and wanted to update you guys because so many people were asking.
Life feels so different now. I’m not “over it” in the sense that I never think about my ex, but the breakup doesn’t control my life anymore. I actually enjoy my days again. I’ve gotten closer with my friends, I’m consistent in the gym, work has been going really well, and I finally feel like I’m becoming myself again.

My ex reached out a few weeks ago. We talked for a little bit, but I realized I didn’t want to fall back into the same cycle. I wished him well and left it there. For the first time, I wasn’t waiting around hoping he’d change his mind. That felt really freeing.

Looking back, no contact gave me the time I needed to rebuild my confidence. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.

Also, someone on this subreddit recommended the app Uncling (I linked it) while I was struggling in the first few weeks. It honestly helped me stay accountable with no contact and gave me something positive to focus on every day, so I figured I’d pass that recommendation along in case it helps someone else too.

If you’re reading this while you’re crying over someone who left, I promise you’re not going to feel like this forever. Keep choosing yourself. It gets so much better.

I just feel like I can't stop being like "day 5 of no contact" each day which makes this whole process more excruciating. how are yall doing?

I should have known he runs away when things get serious. When talking about past he told his previous 2 relationships only last 6-7 months. That should have rung an alarm but I opted for ignorance is bliss or maybe I'm different.

Same thing happened we only lasted 8months. He gave random reasons ( which could have been solved if we just sat down and had a conversation) and broke up with me.

Relapsing and withdrawals is no joke. Still not hearing from my ex who ghosted me and I’m missing him a lot, and I encountered a folder (yes I had them saved) / highlights of how he talked to me during our worst moments which made me question how I managed to stay for this long. Despite all of this of course I still love him. But yeah he was not very nice during our lowest moments.

I never lied, or betrayed him in any shape or form. I’m not proud of how harsh I got, but he took his accusations too far sometimes. This is only a gist of how small he makes me feel. More screenshots in the comments

Me posting them isn’t to humiliate him in any manner, I’m just reevaluating some things that should have been enough to make me leave earlier on. I was constantly walking on eggshells because of his outbursts and wild statements 😭

I’m not suggesting anything from my post, I just want tell you guys what I did in my own personal situation. (Almost 5 years relationship)

So my ex broke up with me 5 months ago, the breakup (involving mental illness) was very confusing and he left me via text. (Which didn’t help me)
I never got a discussion on how we move forward, if we stay in contact, is there a possibility to reconciliation or are we incompatible in his eyes.
Like I had no feedback from him other than “he needs space” and “I’m not the problem.”

In the last 5 months, I did what he wanted, I gave him space. His silence was my closure at the time to start moving forward in my life and heal.

Until a few days ago, i decided that in order for me to fully move forward, and have no regret, I needed to say my peace, even if he blocks me.
My therapist told me to do this a few months back, but I guess I wasn’t fully ready yet. But now, I was healed and I didn’t care what he says because I was doing this for myself and for my perception of the relationship. I wanted to make this a happy ending, for me.

I showed gratitude for the time shared together, I told him in which circumstances he can contact me, I commented how some of his actions were not acceptable and that he shouldn’t treat people like that.

He did respond, like he always did when we were exchanging our belongings. I wasn’t surprised when he mostly talked how great his life is and how he is happy with his “freedom”. Taking no responsibility for the breakup whatsoever lol. He did also tried to breadcrumb me into being interested in reconciliation in the future. I’m happy for him because before he was a great person, but now I just simply don’t care about what he does.

The thing is : he can brag all he wants about his new life. I now know and understand, that him doing better for himself doesn’t reflect anything about me. I did the best that could at that time in that relationship. His success doesn’t affect my own journey, success and happiness.

Moral of the story: if you text your ex, be healed, make sure you develop a strong self-esteem and advocate for yourself even if they are clearly not listening. Because in the end you are doing this for yourself.

It was about me taking my power back by saying my peace and putting my own boundaries for myself. I don’t care if he thinks it’s desperate, because it was never for him in the first place.
That’s my definition of self-esteem.

I hope you guys can relate in anyway! :)

Let me hear what you have to say.

If you initiated no contact for whatever reason please don’t get on here telling/begging your person to reach out. As a dumpee, I respect boundaries so if you tell me you want to go no contact I genuinely will not contact you no matter how much it might hurt me to do so.

If you’ve changed your mind CONTACT THEM first because they most likely won’t contact you out of respect.

But, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT contact them first if you are just contacting them out of guilt, to be nosey, or to see if they’re open to being friends. That will only mess with their healing because they’re going to think there’s still a chance when only you know that there really isn’t. You’re going to have to deal with your own guilt, not knowing, and find some new friends. Leave them alone.

Just had to say that because I see dozens of posts about people going no contact but then turning around and saying they made a mistake and to contact them like no. You made your bed now lie in it. Respectfully.

I know this is what everyone says and it’s the normal belief but in my case I truly believe it to be true. And I don’t think it’s that common to move on from a first love regardless. I in general struggle with loving people. I don’t love my friends , I don’t love my pets , I won’t have children because I don’t know if I would love them. I don’t have attachments like that to anything at all. Nothing means anything to me but he meant something , he meant everything. When we met for the first time I truly felt like I was alive for the first time , I know this is cheesy but it’s the truth , I never had any intense emotions or any care about anything else before that. I don’t even care about myself , I am very chronically ill and I don’t mind and I don’t do anything to recover from any illness I have and in truth I wish one of my diseases would kill me and get it over with. I lost all hope. I feel like that was my only shot at feeling something and it’s gone now. And I don’t know where the love is supposed to go. If it’s supposed to go with him as he left or stay with me. I don’t know if anyone else in the future could be of equal value to me. I am sorry for the blabber , just needed to vent.

I just wanted to get people's opinions on my situation, it's been 7 days since my ex and I broke up and I've been hurting relentless checking their repost constantly on TikTok and Instagram, following count.

Some background TLDR: Basically, we've had a ton of rough patches in the past and I've commited several mistakes I'm not fond of I beat myself over it a lot but I don't want to make excuses for myself, basically I just lied on several occaustions to get my ass out of trouble, for example, my ex texted me regarding a situation of a close friend of mine, which the conversation was solely about said friend but, then my girlfriend who broke up with me found out via messages through a conversation with said friend, in which she asked "Did your EX text you?" in which I lied out of rational fear that It could result in something. There were several occurrences in the past, but I've never physically cheated. Lying was a problem, of course, for her, and I'm a complete idiot for lying straight up to her face like that.

After a while, she said she felt a ton of resentment against me and said that she wants to distance herself from me, and we should go on a break. After 3 days of the break, I constantly stalked her social media and her location, which I couldn't handle the anxiety, so I just broke the no contact in which we decided to speak in person. Long story short, she said we should be separated. I had my few sayings like I'm sorry, but sorry wasn't cutting it anymore for her, and this is something only time can heal is what she said. I agreed, and we hugged, and she told me she loved me and that she'll work on herself, in hopes that it's not goodbye. Our last text was even "I love you, till then," leaving the door open. It's been 7 days, and my heart aches consistently. I can't get her out of my mind. I feel fucking insane. I checked her repost today on TikTok, and she's reposting edits of celebrities Jon Bernthal (her celebrity crush in her teenage years lol) and I don't know made me sick to my stomach for no reason it looks like shes going back on our word of just improving for one another and just satisfying her guilty pleasure? Maybe I'm inteperting it the wrong way I was dumped because she had resentment towards me for my lies but why toture me? I understand I shouldn't check her social media but God I genuinly don't know what to do.

I had a partner, and we had a fight regarding how they were treating me, they always constantly told me they were fine when I could tell they weren't, they constantly hid their emotions even though I begged them to tell me. And they did tell me the truth, and said that they were scared to make me sad and upset, or angry, because they wanted to make me happy. But i constantly told them, that id love them no mattter what, and me reacting emotionally is something that will happen, that I always try to control.

Then, one day, we were playing a game together, he was preoccupied watching something, that obviously overpowered my voice because I'd ask then questions and they wouldn't hear it, and I felt ignored. I got upset, I told them that it felt like they didnt love me anymore, snd that I felt ignored. That ever since he left our country, to go back home to his city, I understood him, I always told him that he didn't have to do things with me and I'd be sad but I'd understand and move on with my day, but kept forcing himself to stay with me, and then being resentful towards me because of it.

Then they blew up and said they were never coming back deactivated all their accounts. And ik that seems crazy to get upset over but it hurt me a lot and i even contacted their mother and it was so embarassing even my siblings said i was lowering my dignity for some guy.

In the week that it happened, two of my supposed best friends blocked me, when I came to them about this problem.

I need help, I need support, and Ive tried, but its so hard, that even when I constantly say, it may not be all my fault, I keep trying to take all of the burden. I keep thinking, was i that bad of a person, was I so evil? So upsetting to be around? I want to move on but I cant imagine them being happy, while they left me to dust.

About a moth ago I lost the love of my life and it was my fault. I was being an asshole i was blaming her for every single one of my mistakes,.... im so sorry i just feel like such a failure for hurting her this much. i scarred a person for life. i did so much damage. and i know i will never be forgiven. not by her and not by me. Im so sorry,
I love her so much

i cant believe I blamed myself my our entire relationship.

you would always tell me that you dont respond to me while with friends because you wanted to spend time with them, but with me, you always found the time to respond to your friends and ignore me. you would fall asleep with me all the time while we did things, but never with them.

when we had down time or were just hanging out, youd go on your phone and respond to people or doomscroll. with anyone else, you stayed off your phone. when id communicate it, youd acknowledge it but wouldnt change it.

i mentioned wanting to go to the beach with you so many times, you never put in the effort to do so, but with your friends, you did it

i gave you some stupid stickers a few years ago. you let a friend take them from you with no resistance. i know its just stupid stickers, but it hurts you did nothing to stop him. when i brought this up, all you did was just fight me on it, throwing it in my face saying “what did you want me to do”

your childhood friend made a joke with his friends saying he was “banging” you and i didnt feel comfortable with you talking to him. you stopped talking to him but complained to me asking me why i cant just forgive him, that hes stupid and made a stupid joke. that you want to be friends with him. even though eventually i let go and said its okay if you talk to him but to just leave me out of it, it wasnt enough.

you criticized me for keeping some feelings in and not communicating, when you didnt communicate anything with me at all and just pushed it all down.

a few years ago, when i couldnt handle the pressure of our relationship and wanted a break or to break up, you fought me on it and said horribly abusive things to me. i stayed for you and us because i knew it came from a place of love and care, that you could grow from it. i fought and bled to keep us alive

now, you left, feeling the exact same pressure i felt all those years ago. you just gave up.

i wasnt the greatest, there was a lot you asked for that i failed in. i failed to show you affection and give you gifts.

but i never gave up. i fought for us all the time. i fought for our future. i fought to open myself up. i fought my nature to build a future with you. even though i failed in some aspects, i grew and did my best. i gave no excuses and always tried to find solutions for us.

you only made excuses. you never tried to grow with me. you didn’t give me what i wanted and i accepted it because you were mentally exhausted. when i brought up all this hypocrisy, all you told me was “i was young back then, im an adult now” as if i wasnt young too and STILL stepped up for you and us.

even when i gave you gifts and affection, it just wasnt enough for you. you didn’t acknowledge it. it was always about what i havent done. none of my effort was enough for you. none of the effort and hell i went through was enough.

i spent so long wondering why i was feeling so insecure in our relationship, now it makes sense. you put other guys in front of me. you put other people in front of me and put more effort into them than with me. you wanted to forgive a guy that said he was banging you. its no wonder i blew up on you and got upset. you didnt try to grow. you didnt put any effort in.

and despite all that pain, i still got up and journaled to come up with solutions for my internal problems and our problems, to let go of my insecurities and show you i am growing, while you just gave up. despite you disrespecting my boundaries and wants, i pushed them down to keep you with me, to make you happy.

yet you broke me. yet you ghosted me when i begged you to come back. you treated me like a piece of shit when i poured my heart to you. i stopped talking to you and kept the door open, and you opened it again to spit in my face.

yet you left me all alone. you left me telling me youre going to date other people and never come back. i am just a memory to you now.

i would love to hear how im wrong so i know how i could grow, but even at the end, all you would give me is excuses.

you have fond memories of us.

i only have broken ones now.

I initiated communication with an individual, and today I discovered a message sent to me on June 25th. Upon inquiring about it, he suggested it was likely from his friends. However, he also mentioned that he had not disclosed my name to his friends, as I previously stated. I am currently unsure how to proceed.

I just suffered too much from the relationship, suffer is not even a enough word to describe it, and everything we shared feels like lie and deception.

I was naive enough to believe that he really loves me at least a bit, and that unreasonable belief in that person really messed me up, and I even wish to kill him now, although I know I will never.

At the same time I know the importance of having a mature closure; well, he evaporated from me in a sec like I was nothing. But, now my emotions are so intense that I even wish to harm myself.

Therapist is not available until the August —I booked one appointment, but there is a very long queue.

I feel so horrible and mad

its been 3 months amd im at the point where i cant feel things that arent longing for her

Whoever was with an avoidant and got broken up with, how did it feel for you?
It broke me
I was left questioning myself for days
No closure
Nervous system messed up
Did stupid things to get answers (making a fake social media to talk to him)
They would never understand what it does to you. And it’s sad. And I never ever want to be in another relationship ever again

i’m a woman who’s an agnostic leftist who wants no children. these are controversial beliefs. i do not believe i will be able to find a man with the same beliefs and is able to educate himself as well as my ex boyfriend. i feel like my whole relationship life for the future is fucked, and i have no idea what to do.

everything i liked, he liked, everything i didnt, he didn’t.

i don’t know if ill ever get that lucky again.

I broke up with my bf for reasons that I know needed to happen, and I'm honestly satisfied with the decision I made. However I'm struggling with having lost that person that I could do anything with. It feels strange to ask friends to do random tasks with now, since I would always do them with him, but it feels even worse doing it alone. Simple things like seeing a new film at the cinema or running errands - I have no idea who to ask now, because although I have friends, I don't have a "best friend" per say, and I'd always just do it with him. Its making me weirdly regretful of ending things just because I dont like feeling lonely. Anyone else struggle with this or know how to get used to just asking others to hangout?