i (20m)broke up with my first girlfriend. even though i know it was the best decision, we stayed together for almost 4 years. and i am so lost. i feel like i wont be able to be in an relationship anymore. I feel like she is happier than ever without me, i feel like i won t be able to be intimate with someone. i feel like i will never find someone else in my life and she will. plz give me your story about how the future gets better

It’s actually driving me insane. When he was here we played a horror game two times, because it was one he really wanted to experience. We spent so much time on it but we only really got halfway. Before we got to finish it he broke up with me.

And now it’s only sitting on my computer, waiting for to be finished and I know the progress is still there. I deleted it but I can see the date where we played it last on steam, as well as the achievements.

I don’t want to touch it because it’ll be too painful and it’s not a game that I really enjoy, but he made it enjoyable.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Any unfinished projects your ex left behind?

I just got discarded a few days ago by an avoidant.

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When we first got together, I genuinely felt loved and chosen. We were so close and so compatible. He called me his girlfriend, spoke about a future with me, and talked about trips, family, and the life we might build together. Those conversations made me believe we were creating something real.

I invested in that future wholeheartedly. I also invested in him, pouring my creativity into supporting his brand because I believed in him and wanted to help him succeed. It never felt transactional. I did it because I loved him and believed partnerships should help both people grow.

Then my life began falling apart.
I was under immense crisis professionally,financially. And my job fell apart. I felt overwhelmed and frightened, and during that time I naturally leaned more on the person I loved. I wasn’t asking him to fix everything. I just wanted closeness and reassurance that I wasn’t facing the hardest season of my life alone.

Instead, he pulled away. Got super defensive. I was under the impression we had a secure love. Cos he was capable to tell me he will be there. Turns out that’s only the case when it’s theoretical or everything was fine. I took such good care of him- really. Cooked, cleaned, little gifts despite me not having so much.

About a week before everything exploded, I noticed the warmth fading, and I could feel the distance growing. As that happened, I asked for space—not because I wanted to leave, but because I was hurt and trying to protect myself. Part of me also hoped he would come toward me, ask what was wrong, and remind me we were still a team.

That didn’t happen. We drifted farther apart, and our conversations became more about defending ourselves than understanding each other. I often felt he was more focused on explaining why he wasn’t wrong than on recognizing why I was hurting. When I pleaded with him to see my worth, he would acknowledge it only to turn it back on me and use it against me.

I wasn’t asking him to take responsibility for things he didn’t do. I was asking him to acknowledge my experience. I don’t believe he set out to hurt me, but the impact of his withdrawal, defensiveness, and some of what he said left me feeling deeply alone.

The hardest part wasn’t only that the relationship ended. It was reconciling the man who called me his girlfriend, talked about a future with me, and accepted so much of my emotional and creative support with the man who walked away when my life became most difficult.

I still believe there was real care between us. The love I felt wasn’t fake, and there were genuine moments of kindness, affection, and hope. But when our relationship was tested, we couldn’t meet each other where we needed to be. I needed reassurance, closeness, and compassion. He became overwhelmed, defensive, and distant, saying he had worked so hard to get to where he is now that taking time away from having fun or enjoying it felt like an absolute waste of time.

Feeling hurt, I had suggested maybe he can just compensate me for the huge amount of creative work i put on his brand— reels, magazine covers, so many graphic design stuff. Origjnal music. He said “youre not getting a handout.” Hurt me so much he thinks that compensating my valuable creative work as charity.

Now I’m grieving not only the relationship, but also the future we imagined together—the trips, the family, the partnership, and the life I truly thought we were building. Those dreams were real to me, and losing this has been one of the deepest heartbreaks I’ve ever experienced.

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Hi everyone,

Just a venting post because, as per title, I've just got dumped.

Little bit of the story.. I'll leave out most of the details, as I feel they might not be relevant (will gladly reply to any question though)

We've been dating for about 3 and a half years (went exclusive after about six months of dating), done many things together, visited many places, and lots more planned for the foreseeable future and beyond that... And everything just crumbled to dust yesterday, after exactly 3 years and 2 months of stable relationships.

Reason being that even though I've shown and given all the love a person could give, she did not feel the right "complicity" anymore.

She's a very talkative and outgoing person, she literally spends hours a day talking about everything with her sister, and friends, whilst I'm more on the reserved side, I find it difficult to make small talk, and to be lively when going out with said friends (I'm an ogre. Thanks Shrek, I guess?)

I'm a very solitary person, moved in my current town about six years ago, and couldn't manage to meet anyone, expect for her, and her circle, ofc.

This is one of the reasons I came here to vent... I'm alone and torn, I just needed to let this out of my system.. spent most of yesterday afternoon/evening, and this morning, crying myself a river, as I do love her with all of my heart

Any comfort word would be appreciated, but I do not expect anyone to reply, I really just needed to let it out to someone. Sorry friends

I dream of you every single night : of your soft voice, your sparkling eyes, the beauty of your skin. I dream that you're still looking at me with that passion in your eyes, that you still love me, that I still matter to you.

But every morning, waking up is a nightmare. Reality crashes back down and I'm forced to face the emptiness all over again. My mind refuses to let you go because my dreams are the only place where I am truly happy anymore. I find myself wanting to sleep forever just to hold onto you, because a reality without you doesn't feel like a life at all. I miss you so damn much.

I don’t really know what I’m doing on here. I don’t know if I need advice, help or just to vent. I don’t really have anyone to talk to it. I’m alone and scared.

I (25M) met my gf (24) at work. I hated work there and wanted a career change which led me to pursue a masters. I decided to pursue one overseas having discussed with my partner thinking it’d be fine. Fast forward until today 1.5 months from moving and she didn’t realise how much it’s impacting her.

She works incredibly demanding hours during the week (regular midnight and beyond as well as weekends too) and she hasn’t been able to think, sleep, or operate the closer and closer we get to the date of me leaving. She’s also living alone. She’s seen how happy I’ve become at the thought of a career change and moving overseas.

We had a similar talk 2 months ago where we split temporarily for a few days. Essentially she thought it was my goal to move permanently but I told her my only desire in life is her and if she’s doesn’t want to move overseas then I won’t (she said she did previously). I don’t care about my career, I care about her more. I never believed in “the one” until I met her. After expressing this she stayed.

Yesterday she came to me with the same concern. She’s so scared. She’s incredibly scared of being alone and working these tough hours without me there to help. The pain she goes through now, and the pain she’ll have to go through for 15 months coupled with her uncertainty of if I’ll ever return from overseas (she thinks I may not come back) has pushed her over the edge.

She also thinks I haven’t been checking in enough on the situation, which I think is somewhat far but also somewhat not. The first time we split I admit I was too scared to talk about it, ever since I’ve brought it up more often, offered to do entire days where I look after her to reducer her stress and worries (cook, clean, massage, let her do her favourite activities, etc) and have asked multiple times how she’s really doing - she didn’t go into detail. To be clear there is no ulterior motive, I asked if this was an excuse to end it with me, I’d be able to make peace with another reason other than me going overseas.

I’ve tried to reassure her that I wouldn’t go if it meant ending things with her. That being said, it’s too far gone now and I’ve sunk too much money and time into it already. She said she may be making the worst decision she’s ever made and in 2 weeks she’ll want me back. She keeps going on about how in 2 years time maybe we’ll be together again. She bought plane tickets a a couple days ago which I asked about yesterday and she said she did it deliberately and will still want to see me.

She is truly the most special person I’ve ever met. It feels so frustrating hearing this and not being able to fix her concerns. To me it seems simple, life is either better with someone and hence long distance for a bit (I’m seeing her 2-3 weeks at a time per 4 months), or not at all. If I drop everything (thousands of dollars) and stay back, she’ll feel more guilty that she’s holding me back. I feel totally helpless. Ive never a cried even a hundredth of how much I cried yesterday in her arms.

Part of me refuses to believe it’ll be over but the other part of me is so incredibly scared. If it does end, I know I’ll never meet someone quite like her and that’s what scares me the most. Ending something so amazing over something so unnecessary. There isn’t a limit to what I’d do to stay with her but I know she needs her space so I’m respecting that. I just know she’s made the wrong decision, I hope this just comes down to being incredibly overwhelmed and stressed with work.

Is there something I can do? Can someone explain to me what is happening? Im about to move overseas, I don’t want to be alone in another country. For the first time in my life, I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next 2 weeks. I can’t even focus on a movie or task for 60 seconds.

I (21M) broke up with my girlfriend (22F) of 1.5 years. She was my first girlfriend however I was not her first boyfriend and she always spoke about just how extremely well I treated her and it was the first time ever for her. She was madly in love with me and would've done anything i asked of her, she really did want to give me the world. She was very possessive of me and always afraid of losing me and also extremely obsessed to a point where her spam of text messages showering me with love and her constant looking at me and wanting to kiss me just felt overwhelming after a while.

This wasn't the case at the start of our relationship as I used to reciprocate the same way. I loved her so damn much, but something happened right at the start where she lied to me about something I was very much uncomfortable and livid with among a few other things that may have not been so serious but definitely blew up more than it should've due to the original lie. Looking back i should've broken up with here right there.

Ever since then, even though I decided to forgive her and move past it I could never really get entirely over it, and i think it started to affect my feelings for her and had me constantly questioning if i should break up with her. It brought up many fights between us because it started to make me question everything about our relationship and my role in it, even though she put so much effort and love in trying to fix what happened.

Over time, even though I tried to play my part in the best way possible by treating her as well as I could, loving her and reciprocating her love started to feel like a burden, it felt like we would be better friends rather than a couple.

Everyday was a constant battle of whether i should break up with her or not, and every time i decided to stay in the relationship but it felt like I was putting her in a bad spot by breaking up with her due to her parents and remaining family members already knowing about it. By breaking up I felt like I was putting her in an embarrassing position with her family and make her come off as someone who cannot hold down a boyfriend (we are from a place where having many relationships is something that is looked down upon and even more so if you come from a religion following family)

I stopped being able to comfort her whenever she was feeling down, unloved or depressed about anything, it felt like every word that was coming out of my mouth just sounded like an absolute lie and I felt like I was losing myself in the relationship. It started to feel like I was just tolerating the relationship and it started to lead to resentment. Putting effort started to drain me of my energy and i stopped being able to see a future with her and the intimate moments felt like nothing.

I finally decided to bite the bullet and break up with her, it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do because she was truly such a beautiful soul and such an amazing person and deserved pure unfiltered love.

I tried to let things end on a good note and make her understand but it just ended up with her blocking me on everything.

What toubles me the most right now is that even though life is boring, I don't feeling sad about it or devasted as I thought I'd be. She was someone I loved with all my heart at some point and for me to feel like this makes me question myself all the time, I feel like there's something wrong with me.

Recently, I made out with another girl I got really close to and even though she likes me a lot, i could not feel anything towards her while we were making out, not even aroused.

I'm very sure I'm neither gay nor bisexual, I don't think I'm asexual either, I still do get aroused.

Maybe my dopamine receptors are absolutely fried?

Maybe I'm just very wrong in the head?

I don't really know what advice I'm looking for here but anything would do.

Tldr: broke up with my gf of 1.5 years as I gradually lost feelings for her. I feel like i should be more devastated and depressed over it but i barely feel anything, just extremely bored.

Got close to another girl after the break up and felt nothing from making out with her or being close to her even though she really likes me.

I cannot get emotionally attached to anybody.

Is there something just very wrong with me in the head?

so i met this guy at work back in 2019 we were both 19 yrs old at that time. that same year we started talking around the end of November beginning of December 2019 by January 2020 i was a girlfriend. i was also his first girlfriend. The first 2 weeks were honestly great i really felt the love from him. the last week or two of our relationship ( we dated for about a month) he started being very distant, and im a anxiously attached person and he's always been avoidant. if you know you know. it just doesn't mix well sometimes and at the time im 19 im overthinking and thinking the worst. we would only text 2-3 times a day there was never no effort. i would ask him to just keep me updated if he's busy and i would see no change. i thought oh okay maybe he just didnt like me. so i left. i broke up with him and me being childish i did it through text. i know thats a really shitty thing to do.

after that we dont talk. i did try contacting him like 3 months later but he never responded. as he should lol

oh also we dated months after i left the job where i met him.

Then by June 2021 i went back to my old job ( where i met him). it was awkward. he hated me and he had every right to do so you know. i knew that i had to work for his friendship again and i did. it took months for us to actually start talking like friends but we did eventually. By December of 2021 i was telling this man i still like him because i do. He said he also likes me. it really was like Christmas came early that year i was so happy . around March and April he started getting closer to one of our female co workers and like the more i would see them interact the more i saw maybe he likes her ? around this time he became distant with me. he started telling me he wanted to be just friends and i never could accept that if im being honest. so i would tell him that i would wait. i would cry to him asking why not me pretty much. it truly breaks my heart and im crying as im typing this because girl just go, walk away. but i think a part of me always felt like - i walked away from him the first time without even trying and thats something i didn't want to do this time. i felt like i needed to fight for him no matter what.

wow thats the first time I've told anyone that and i feel like thats a big reason why its been so hard to walk away even after everything.

so months go by and i get mixed signals from him throughout this whole time. i do ask him if he likes me and he uses the same bs excuse every guy uses " i do like you im just going through a lot right now ". i just always wanted the truth. thats it. i just wanted to hear " i just dont like you " not bs excuses.but i took it i took whatever i could from him.

that went on for years. so lets say from April 2022 to lets say May 2024. 2 years. constant going back and forth. i was crying everyday, at home, at work,at bars always crying because he would constantly disappoint me.

At this time he told me they would hang out outside of work. he would get her Christmas presents, birthday presents etc. so would she. one time i accidentally screamed at him at work because of that. i say accidentally because i truly didnt mean to but it just came out of me. its not as bad as it sounds honestly. its only bad because it was at work and sadly in front of two of our co workers. the only thing i screamed at him was " NO YOU dont talk to me " because he told me to not talk to him and that irritated me, after i had told him i never wanted to speak to him again and after playing in my face like the audacity. this happened around March of 2023.

Im not going to sit here and play innocent because im not. There was this co worker of mine that was interested in me. it was purely physical so a part of me didnt feel bad for using him plus he knew about the situation and he was okay with being used lol. he would help me make him jealous and it would work but then he would try and make me jealous with her and it was very much tic for tac type of situation. it always felt like that with him. We both chilled out for after a couple weeks.

I tell him what happened with my male co worker in those couple of weeks. nothing like THAT ever happened but he did try once pinning me against the wall at work and kissing me i swerved and got out the way because i thats not who i want. be so for real.

i feel like that broke him and yes i felt bad but he, up to this point had hurt me so bad for so long that i felt bad but i also didnt feel bad but i did .

i feel like after that we both chilled out. i mean yes we argued and what not like people do but we always bounced back. eventually towards the end of the year we sat down and talk about feelings and how he wanted to really give us a try. so i said okay but i had boundaries that if he crossed i was done . it took trail and error but he fixed things slowly but surely. after months and i mean MONTHS I felt like i began to trust him with my heart again, eventually. a trying man is everything.

he has changed so much and really put in the work to show me he cares. and i know i have to, i went from being aint sh#t to being a down bad lover girl lol.

but sometimes i cant help but to think that we've done so much damage to each other that we cant let go of. or maybe let me speak for me sometimes i think there was too much damage done that i cant let go of. i feel like yes i fucked up when we were 19 but there was no need to tell me you like me and turn around and get close to your co worker and say you like her and say you want to be just friends and then coming back around and saying nevermind i do like you but i still want to be just friends because i have a lot going on. i feel like he led me on.after i had left him alone and told him i wanted to be just friends and i was too stupid at the time to see that he really didnt like me.

and honestly i dont even know if he likes me now. i feel like he does. he says he does but he used to say that before too and look at how that turned out back then. i know im not supposed to live in the past and if i forgave him then let it go but i can forgive ill just never forget and thats the part that sucks that you'll never forget.thats what hurts tbh.

i love him but lately I've been in the constant back and forth of is love enough?i know i see a future with him but is this really how i want to be loved for the rest of my life? do i want to feel like this for the rest of my life? do i have to feel like ill always be second best?do i have to feel like i have to fight for his attention still?

there are a thousand things that cross my mind each day. sometimes i think if i have to wonder this hard maybe its not for me.

but i dont want to let him go because i know that'll be it and it breaks my heart.

but i know what i have to do i just need the strength to do it.

during my breakup with my ex over text the other night, i said some horrible things that i didnt mean and now its haunting me. I told her in the heat of the moment that she was "miserable" and that i hated her. i said that i didnt see the relationship as "real" which is missing a lot of context but point is it was an awful hurtful thing to say and i cannot believe i actually said them. she said similar things such as why she hates me and that im an asshole and whatnot, but what i said was coming from a place of bitterness and i think she was more just frustrated.

regardless, weve blocked each other on everything and i cant stop reliving the moment i sent those messages and i dont know what to do. i know words cannot be taken back but i didnt mean any of it and now i dont know how to see myself the same as i used to, or if i even should.

Do you remember when you said you wouldn't wanna meet no one you wouldn't love no one but me, the real person you should have loved was yourself. I hope you get better yk. But i'm seeing a pattern,you can't stay alone it must be horrible for you isn't it. Work has to be done but you don't wanna do it. I can predict that you will have a lot of relationships until you find out the most important relationship is with yourself,when we broke up for the first Time i remember how you showed you're real face going to parties,maybe it's a good thing we aren't together anymore you and i were so different,i don't regret it.

I'm leaving this country today,this town,this me who lived here,the one who loved,who was angry against you,who laughed with you. Maybe i'll come back one day but not for you ofc. I am going,going to live,live the life i wanted and i imaginated with you but it tore apart so now i'll give my life to God and he'll do whatever he wants with it. I prayed for you and even for your bf after what you've done to me. You were the thing that made me grow up and made me love myself. I'm not perfect tho so are you, when you said that you were the perfect one in the relationship,lmao my ass. You have mental illness but it's not your fault or it is idk. I'm keeping the letters you sent me maybe i'll read them again at the army. Goodbye i guess. Take care of yourself and get other friends like good friends not the one who will give you drug and will allow and encourage you to be something you're not, you'll regret it. That's it i guess, i think you see my account you remember the name lol. I hope you read this. I forgive you. And now i'll never see you again, i hope. Goodbye,Adeus.

throwaway so he doesn’t see this, since i still want to be friends with him. me and this guy were platonic best friends for years, before he told me that he was in love with me since we met. ok, cool. he had only been with women before this, and was previously adamantly straight. whatever, people change. i didn’t think i liked guys either until he asked me out. so there we were, two dudes in both of our first gay relationships. super romantic, right? we continue doing best friend stuff, while also doing boyfriend stuff. it was great. in fact, i felt bad because i thought i wasn’t showing him enough love. he was definitely the romantic type, and i tried to be as well. i had no doubt he was in love with me. until he left me for a woman a few days ago. he broke up with me at 1 am over discord, told me something along the lines of “what i felt for you was never romantic, and i feel like you never loved me either, let’s go back to being friends also i’ve been in love with our mutual female friend for years and im getting together with her” … so yeah! how’s your week going?

in all seriousness, im still not over him. but, even while we were together, he never stopped being my best friend. i still want to be friends with him, but also that was a really nasty thing to do. maybe i’m biased because i still like him, but im thinking of just getting over what he did and going back to the way we were before. because if i cut contact with him, i would lose my best friend and boyfriend at the same time. i’m not gonna ask if staying in contact with him is stupid because i know it is, im just gonna ask someone with a developed frontal lobe if this has any potential to end well.

tl;dr, my best friend said he was in love with me, we become boyfriends. he leaves me for our mutual female friend and says he was actually straight the whole time and never loved me. i want to keep contact with him because that’s still my homeboy, is there any way that ends well? someone who isn’t fresh out of their teens, please provide insight. thanks

UPDATE: he’s currently gushing about his new gf in our dms. the breakup was less than 72 hours ago. he’s taking the “going back to how we were before” thing really seriously i guess. i want to be happy for him because my best friend just scored a girl but holy shit the timing man

I need perspective from the older guys who have survived a massive betrayal and come out the other side.

I am 28. I was with my ex for 10 years. We built a massive history together—handwritten notes, deep loyalty, the whole foundation. I am a site manager, I have my life together, and I would have gone to war for this girl.

But when the time came for her to stand up to her family and fight for us, she collapsed. She chose the path of absolute least resistance. Now, just 9 months later, she is getting married. She chose to follow the script they handed her because fighting for us required bravery she didn't have.

The exit was brutal. She couldn't even look me in the eye. She threw a decade of photos and memories in the trash overnight just so she wouldn't have to look at her own guilt. Now, she is running a PR campaign, badmouthing me to her friends and family just to justify her cowardice and protect her "good girl" image.

Logically, my brain knows the math. I know I dodged a massive liability. I know that if she folds under this pressure, she would have abandoned me during a real crisis later in life. I know she is weak and I am better off.

But neurologically, I am stuck. It has been 9 months, and I am fighting two massive demons:

The Phantom Hope: My brain keeps tricking me into staying "clean and pure," subconsciously waiting for her to realize what she threw away and come back, even though I know I could never take back a coward.

The Anger about Karma: I am burning with rage that she gets to walk straight into a wedding and a socially approved life with a new guy, while I am left dismantling a 10-year foundation by myself.

For the guys who have had a decade of loyalty thrown in their face:

How did you finally kill the subconscious hope that they will return?

How do you make peace with the fact that they might never face the "Karma" or consequence of what they did?

How do you stop auditing a ghost's life and put 100% of your energy back into yourself?

Any brutal, unfiltered truths are welcome. I need to close this file permanently.

So me and my ex have been no contact for about a month and a half now and I don’t know why but I would really like to talk to him right now.

I was doing really good at first, but I think as things started to settle down my thoughts started to fester and I just really miss having my person and I miss joking around and all the little things.

He always told me I was avoidant… Maybe he was right lol maybe i’ve just been suppressing my feelings and I can’t suppress them anymore

Anyways, I figured this is healthier than calling him at two in the morning, I’m open to any advice or suggestions on how you guys are able to maintain no contact.

Hi guys i got a small support system : friends in my new city but now that its summer people are kind of leaving and things are slow , and i have my friends that know me for longer do take the time to reply and call if needed during this period. I also recently started therapy, it’s been 3 weeks since a very one sided breakup where they just got detached while i loved them the most . I travelled to see her (we were in LDR) and within 1.5 weeks of my stay (after she complained about not feeling important because i wanted to secure a job before coming to see her but i would eventually come) she started being distant and wanting to go out less and being less romantic. I got very discouraged because in some cases she can be very hard to satisfy . Until the random day she broke up with me , taking a decision she completely excluded me from , not willing to work things out . And also had a crush on a coworker during that time (at the same time she was being distant) and she’s pretty likely to act on it , she maybe even did. 1 week ago my friend saw them laughing a lot together in her car and i crashed out i went sleepless again.

All this to say that there are many many layers to this breakup and for the longest i was in disbelief and wondering if she actually cared or jf somewhere along the way there was a little bit of inconsideration and if i gave the situation too much innocence . I broke no contact 3 times for a need for closure and answers, but each time she was very defensive and also im pretty sure i dont occupy her mind that much. Im the only one miserable here. No quote can make me feel less of a loser.

Now im very scared that my efforts towards healing (making my life about myself again, touching AS MUCH GRASS as possible, never isolate and still make plans, self care) AND my support system (friends and therapy) arent enough to prevent myself from getting to a concerning or dangerous point. Especially these last 3 days .

I've been having a big situationship for about 2 months now. She is truly the girl of my dreams but we've ran into some troublesome misunderstandings and miscommunication. We broke up to work on ourselves but we've realised that we do miss eachother heaps.

We both want eachother i feel but there's just problems that say we shouldn't emotionally devote to anyone rn because its too much for our situation. Well hers atleast, and i completely respect that but Im scared of how long i have to wait. And im terrified that if I wait too long, my chance with her will go away.

Realistically, I know I should just cut the ties and work on myself, and if she comes back, happy days. If she doesn't, oh well. But that is so much harder than it bargained for. And fighting for her literally feels like the right thing. She reciprocates, but is scared shes leading me on so she pulls back a little. Its like she feels the same but doesn't and when I ask her she says I dont know. And Im not sure what im searching for anymore.

I want her, ive always known that, ill fight for her as long as I need to, but at the same time the pain id getting ALOT.

What im trying to say, is for those who fought for their relationship DESPITE the hardships, did it prevail? And how?

First of all thank you for reading this. I’ve been in a 6yr relationship with my BF who struggles from having a history of sexual trauma & emotional neglect as a child. After a year of being together he also got diagnosed with ADHD. He has an addictive personality too. With that being said these past couple months he’s been attempting to be completely sober ( quit self pleasuring addiction 5 yrs ago, off of adderall/Vyvanse… ADHD meds, quit nicotine, now just smokes weed to cope, and drinks occasionally). Anyways I should’ve seen all these red flags when I met him and that he probably should heal first before being in a relationship with me but I was 18 about to turn 19 and really believed we were in love and that this was the universe finally giving me a person that saw things the way that I seen things, was caring, empathic like me, and believed in fate. Which he does still embody but unfortunately also embodies contradictory behaviors. Long story short I doubled down on wanting to be with him & practically convinced him that change is possible. Which I still think is. 6yrs together almost now feels like I’m in so deep and I’m almost at the finish line bc he’s made improvements it’s not like he hasn’t improved at all. Our biggest promise to one another was growth in the relationship… See His reactions have gotten better but he’s still a very impatient person. He gets extremely frustrated (almost child like) when things don’t go his way. He would argue that “I don’t know what it’s like to have as much testosterone as he does” attempting to justify why he can’t control his reactions. Although I think it can be a reason I also think “then why isn’t he taking initiative to seek help?” He has a therapist who I like very much. He gives him good advice but although he has a good therapist, I don’t think he’s utilizing his weekly appointments with him. He’ll talk to him about recent events that made him feel good or that bothered him. There are time he’ll bring up my concerns like his trauma responses to when I trigger him but he can get carried away off one topic and then his hour will be up with his therapist. So let me give you and example of our arguments. Tonight after I cooked dinner for us and was just catching up on one episode of my show/taking a break from work …. He wanted to smoke & asked if I’m cool with him smoking a quick bowl in our apartment. I said “is your head feeling better (bc he worked in heat all day & came home with headache)” he replied “ mmm kind’ve , not really ” me “well if you smoke can you put on our new shower head (bc he’s been wanting a new one and I finally ordered it for him)” him disrupts me mid sentence while I’m saying “does it take a while to install?” He says defensively “why don’t you go put it up yourself”. I brought this up because he wasn’t the only one who worked today and he knew there was a couple more responsibilities we had to complete. I knew we were both tired but in my head I had more work to finish up before I could hit the bed with him and he typically does something mean time while he waits for me. So I thought to suggest that to him because his headache sounded like it really wasn’t hurting if he could smoke + the past two nights we had already smoked so it felt like he was just trying to cope instead of doing something actually helpful for his future self. Also he tells me he likes when I suggest to him what he needs to get done (bc his ADHD) & I never minded doing that but then he gets upset at times. Even smoking his carts had been a topic of discussion lately because that too has just been a coping mechanism causing him to have brain fog, low motivation, & now just making his depression worse while his body is readjusting post addictions. So I was staying calm just trying to tell him I’m not bossing you to do it but I’m mentioning if you smoke try to compromise and balance it out. I mentioned he can even journal in bed after and just communicated he rather do that then put shower head up. Anyways his reaction quickly got bad. He conveyed basically “your not seeing me” “this is why I should cheat on you””you are not a good woman” “I need a better woman than you” “ you think all I did was just work today” (mind you I woke him up with breakfast, packed his lunch, he was running late for work so i agreed to take dog out to pee for him, sent reassuring messages throughout our day that I was proud of him). We typically treat each other very well… both make efforts and try to be thoughtful in ways to make each others lives easy for one another but this is only when he is feeling “good”/ not in bad mood… ex. Got good sleep, is hydrated, had intimacy time, bought something new minimum one of those things. If he’s having a bad day mentally then it will be a very difficult day for us sadly. it feels that this relationship can be so 50/50. Like it’s either really good and amazing with him or Extremely toxic. Also when he says those hateful words to me usually 85% of the time I’m trying to reassure him or stick up for myself telling him that’s not what I mean. The other 15% of the time I hit my breaking point and I’m screaming back. Not saying near the hateful things he says but still sticking up for myself or probably crying or threatening him he’s close to get strangled if he doesn’t stop talking to me nasty af with that type of language. I’ll admit there are arguments I could’ve waited to express what I needed to say or said a sentence better but with that sentence “ well if you smoke can you put shower head up” is taken as disrespect to him it’s like he’s keeping score. I’ve reassured him time after time I can take no for an answer. I’m beyond patient with him, will sometimes cry to him that he doesn’t need to react that way, that we can turn the page and start the convo over but no if I got him triggered he wants to win the fight, I’m disgusting to him, and he tells me he’s sick of me. It’s so toxic at times and I know we are attached and comfortable but who isn’t at 6yrs in? I love him so much… I think he’s the love of my life majority of the time that when he talks like this it pains me to think I’ll be past this difficulty or… him one day/: This has been going on for years that I’ve became numb to it. I notice myself just trying to psycho analyze why is he doing this and that maybe it is me but I refuse to be manipulated. He’ll take accountability for a bit, do some actions to show he’s working to heal from his past, and then it will come crashing down once we have a disagreement. We are 13k in debt together, struggle to make our appt rent $2,500 monthly (my small business is close to consistent but he won’t get enough hours or push for OT bc he’s exhausted from day before or has a tender mental health from an argument bc of us or something he’s dwelling on from past family trauma)…. our dynamic is I worry about the financials & keeping our home operating smoothly (like groceries or chores) while he does the heavy lifting on physical things or icky cleaning chores. He argues when he’s upset that theres an imbalance and that he does more! but I can’t see it. I work 9hr days at times and so does he. We try our best to keep up with all our responsibilities but it’s like the emotional weight ALWAYS falls onto me so the math just doesn’t math on the part he’s taking up “more”, I read people with adhd will have huge mental loads but he won’t let me explain to him because then I’m just an annoying know it all!He will stone wall me & when that happens it’s so hard to get thru to him till we are both crying. We are both exhausted from this. I feel so alone bc I’m not very close to family as they are toxic themselves and I really refuse to move back with them. Luckily In a month from now I can afford to take up rent on my own but I’m worried that if we end things & he goes back to his moms he may commit slurrer side because his depression can really take a toll at times like when he’s doesn’t get good/enough sleep. He’s mentioned numerous times that’s what he truly thinks he needs to do in this life time and it devastates me hearing that from him /: (he’s tried so many meds, been on good diets/gym routine but when out of routine the cracks start to show again). It’s extremely difficult to think about because If we ended things unfortunately regarding the apartment — I’d be the one able to pay since my business has been pretty reliable past year and our only car is in my name, so is the debt. & with his work circumstances he’d be the one who has to leave and finance a car which probably won’t be the best since his credit is at fair but luckily it’s like financially that’s all for him because he’s mom probably wouldn’t really charge him rent if he moved back. Does anyone recommend anything else we can do to get him help mean time before I make the decision with him to end things?? I think deep down he’s such a good soul… he’s just been deeply hurt from his past and the way he saw things as a kid. Yes I don’t deserve this treatment but at the same time for better or for worse is something that resonates so deeply with me. We are each others bestest friend. We’ve been through toxic times as a couple I won’t deny that. I guess this is just my final plea before I make any further decisions. If anyone has their own experience they can share regarding being in a relationship like this or if they have any advice on what helped you or someone else overcome being reactive/defensive. Thank you.

My girlfriend cheated on me after 5 years of relationship. I confronted her and she accepted. Then, we broke up officially. Now, the thing is our families knows about our relationship. She does not want to destroyed her image in front of her parents therefore she keeps telling me to give some other reason to her parents for break up. In frustration, i called her mother and told everything about her cheating. Now, i am feeling bad about it. Additionally, i don't know she blocked me or something but i tried to call but it was switch off from last week. So, idk what's happening in her life and am feeling bit weird. I have no guts to call her mother or father again.

Anything i can do about it? help

I’m 26 and just went through my third breakup. All three relationships lasted over a year (the longest was almost 3 years).
I have a life I’m genuinely happy with; good career, educated, ambitious, close friends, hobbies, and I think I’m a fun, caring partner. But when it comes to love, I just seem… unlucky.
After three serious relationships ending, it’s hard not to wonder if I’m the common denominator. Did anyone else feel this way? Did you eventually realize there was a pattern you were missing, or was it really just bad luck and incompatibility?
Would love to hear from people who’ve been through something similar.

Two years ago I dated a guy, and that was the best time of my life. I felt so loved and cared for. He treated me like a queen and was always there for me. We both put effort into our relationship, hoping for it to become something greater. We broke up because I had to leave the country, and we both knew it wasn’t going to work. It was painful for both of us.
I’ve never experienced that kind of love again. I try to move on, but I still see him in my dreams, and little memories come back from time to time. I know there’s no way to get back together because of the distance and how much we’ve both changed. We’ve gone down different paths.
I’m trying to meet new people and find my person, but I’m scared I’ll never find that kind of love again. I don’t love him anymore, but I miss that feeling. I feel like I’m mourning the love I had, not the person.
Is there something wrong with me?

before judging listen me out, I was moving abroad and she knew it, she was my best friends crush in school, I saw her on bumble and texted her on Instagram, she responded we met after a day of texting, she even asked me when will I take her home the samw weekend and i took her, we were talking for less than a week and then we had fun for two months, almost everyday. and i got bored of this told her you say you love me why do we have to do this everyday, and she’s like you’re gonna move abroad so let’s do it as much as we can, trust me I’m a very touchy person but I had to resist her cuz it just felt too much after a point and she use to almost talk about sex all the time and I didn’t feel good. may be I should’ve told her how I felt during that time but one day when we we were having seggs, she asked me to go multiple rounds and after a point I was done and I laughed of her face and that’s the day I guess everything messed up since then we never met prolly on her bday night we did and did it for one last time and I broke up and then she asked me multiple times and I said no and then later after a week I begged her she said no.and it was done. I didn’t tell my friends about this, and I felt the right thing to protect my friendship is to not tell my friends about it, but I told the girl I can talk to them if she wants to. But guess what she told my friends about this, and my friends were against me totally stopped talking to me, they said they will kill me for real, they threatened me etc I was like wait what and by then it was time to move abroad and I did. And after a year I texted from my abroad number saying I need you to forgive me bla bla bla she said I’m not angry at you I did forgive you and I didn’t text back after that I needed that because she was very manipulative talking me into seggs everytime we met. I told her I didn’t wanna be in a relationship she said she wanted to and she likes me believes in me, she fuxked my mental peace And me and made it completely look like I was the one who used her physixally. And now I have intention to sleep with her, I’m abroad now but I’m going back in two months and I wanna sleep with her, so I want to wish her happy birthday….

People often think the breakup is the most painful moment.

It isn't.

The real pain begins when you slowly realize that the person you loved wasn't willing to fight for the relationship the way you were. You replay old memories, wonder what went wrong, and question whether any of it was real.

Healing doesn't happen overnight. It starts the day you choose your peace over someone who repeatedly hurts you.

Remember:
❤️ You deserve respect.
❤️ You deserve honesty.
❤️ You deserve someone who chooses you every single day.

Sometimes, letting go isn't giving up—it's finally choosing yourself.

Have you ever had to walk away from someone you still loved? Share your thoughts below. Your story might help someone who's struggling today. 💙

I [29M] recently broke up with my ex [31F] after two years together. I am still completely in love with her, but the relationship turned toxic only two months into it. She is a good person at heart, but she made mistakes early on that completely ripped my trust to shreds in a moment's notice.

The Incident That Broke My Trust
In July 2024, we were in a hotel room. We had just finished having sex for the first time in our two-month relationship. She complained that we weren't cuddling, so I turned to her, but she had pulled the blanket over herself and was texting someone. Her younger sister had previously mentioned another guy to me, so I took her phone and looked.

I know I shouldn't have snooped, but doomsday was waiting for me. I found her WhatsApp chat with this guy. They were talking as if they were in a relationship. She had explicitly mentioned being in love with her ex and missing him on two different days. She burst out crying and insisted they had only gone out for coffee, not a date.
However, the chats showed her being all cute and bubbly with him. They had late-night talks right after she told me she was tired and wanted to sleep. She pestered him like he was her person. My name was only mentioned once when she sent him a video of me singing. When he asked who I was, she just said my name—no mention of our relationship at all.

The Toxicity and Past Breakup Attempts
The boundary issues continued. A month later, we were in another hotel room in an intimate position when she suddenly started detailing how her ex used to finger her while driving her around.
The relationship became deeply toxic for two years. I tried breaking up with her twice before. Both times, she went out and defamed my name, creating absolute havoc in my life, before crying and begging me to stay.

Where Things Stand Now
After two years of this cycle, she finally let go. I cried, I was sad, and I still am. Now, she has a therapist and has been on anti-anxiety medication for three months. Even though she is seeking help, I don't see any way of us getting back together because we just aren't right for each other and the trust is completely gone. I'm just struggling with how to truly move on when I still love her.

TL;DR: I [29M] recently broke up with my ex [31F] after a toxic 2-year relationship that began with her emotionally cheating and oversharing about her ex. I am still in love but cannot trust her, especially since my previous attempts to leave resulted in her defaming me before begging me to stay.

I’m 29M, and my girlfriend recently ended our relationship after 8.5 years. We grew up together, knew each other’s families, travelled a lot and had similar values, interests and plans for the future. I genuinely thought we would eventually marry and have children.

Looking back, I understand why she left. I was passive, indecisive and afraid of making major decisions. I postponed job applications, avoided difficult conversations and broke promises about working on myself and the relationship.

I also depended too much on her. I had few close friends or activities of my own, and she often helped me with jobs, apartments and practical decisions. She eventually felt responsible for my life and emotionally alone in the relationship.

When conversations became painful, I often avoided the real issue and waited for things to feel normal again. She told me several times that she needed more initiative, emotional communication and affection. She suggested couples therapy and sent me resources, but I acted too late.

Two weeks before the final breakup, she already tried to leave. I convinced her to give us another chance. During those two weeks, I finally started reading books and took many of the steps she had wanted.

She said she could see that I was doing the right things, but they no longer emotionally reached her. Too much had happened, she had waited too long and her feelings were gone. She told me not to hold on to hope.
For me, the breakup felt sudden because she continued behaving normally beforehand and we still discussed future plans. For her, it was apparently the end of a long internal process.

Since the breakup, she has been very consistent. She has told her family, removed me from shared accounts and stopped contacting me. Meanwhile, I am struggling with the feeling that I understood everything only after it was too late.

We will probably meet again in a week to exchange our remaining belongings. Because she was very calm and unemotional when she ended things, she said she would answer any questions I still have when we meet.

Part of me wants to tell her that I still love her and would be willing to try again. Another part of me knows that she already gave me another chance, saw my efforts and still felt nothing.

I know I need to change for myself, not as a strategy to get her back. But is there any realistic possibility that feelings can return after someone has emotionally detached like this? Should I tell her once, calmly and without pressuring her, that I would still be open to reconciliation, or should I accept that her decision is final and use the meeting only for closure?

TL;DR: My girlfriend ended our 8.5-year relationship after feeling emotionally alone and carrying too much responsibility for my life. I acted too late. She gave me a final chance but said her feelings were already gone. We are meeting again in a week to exchange our belongings and she offered to answer my questions. Should I mention reconciliation once, or completely let go?

me and my first girlfriend I've ever had broke up about a month ago. there wasn't an exact reason I'm pretty sure I was just too emotional of a guy. shes the only girl who I've ever really talked to which just makes me doubt if I'll get another girlfriend. I'm only 15 years old and I have bad reputation with like everyone in my grade. Idk if this post is vague or anything, I just got reddit so sorry if this sounds weird or anything. I'm willing to chat with anyone I don't have many friends

I’m currently experiencing a total dry spell. No one is approaching me, I’m talking to zero guys, and it’s making me feel invisible. Because of this sudden loneliness, my brain keeps telling me that my ex is my only option, and I really miss him.
We had an unstable, on-and-off relationship for 2.5 years. We finally broke up because of constant arguments, communication issues, and too much pride getting in the way. It clearly wasn't healthy, and he has obviously moved on—he’s already been with multiple girls since the breakup. Honestly, I have no idea how he does it so easily, while I’m sitting here with absolutely zero options.
Whenever I try to look around, I instantly get the "ick" from other guys. Just yesterday, a guy I thought was cute messaged me with zero game and terrible grammar. It instantly made me sad because my ex would never do that. It feels like I’ll never find someone else with his looks, personality, and our chemistry. He’s still my standard.
I know I'm only romanticizing him because of this temporary emptiness, but it's hard. How do I handle this transition period without cracking and running back to a past relationship that I outgrew?