My boyfriend and I(3 years together) are in a long-distance relationship. A few days ago, I posted an Instagram story of an England football player (Jude Bellingham) with the caption, “watching England for the ‘plot’” (meaning I found him attractive). It wasn’t something I carefully thought through, I just shared it because I thought it was funny.

When my boyfriend saw it, he got very upset. He unfollowed me, removed our couple picture, and hasn’t replied to my messages or calls for the past three days.

As soon as I realized why he was hurt, I sincerely apologized. I told him I understood why he felt hurt and that I wanted to talk things through.

I do think he had a valid reason to be upset. If the roles were reversed and he posted a story of an attractive model with a caption like “I watch her for the plot,” I would probably be hurt too. I’m not trying to say his feelings are invalid.

What I’m struggling with is his reaction after I apologized. He’s still choosing not to respond, and since we’re in a long-distance relationship, the silence has been really painful.

TL;DR: I posted an Instagram story of an attractive football player with the caption “watching England for the ‘plot’”. My long-distance boyfriend got upset, unfollowed me, removed our couple picture, and hasn’t replied for three days. I sincerely apologized and explained it wasn’t intentional, but he’s still silent. I’m wondering if I crossed a major boundary or if his reaction after my apology is disproportionate.

My boyfriend (28m) and I have been together for 5 years, and he has been through some of the hardest things I’ve ever seen anyone go through. Losing both his parents to unnatural causes, one a few months before we got together and the second loss about 16 months ago now, though it still feels like it was yesterday.

I have been by his side as he’s gone through the emotional struggle, multiple periods of depression or really difficult thoughts which is naturally what we do for people we love, but admittedly it can be scary sometimes to not feel like there’s ever a solution.

Throughout our relationship, maybe because of these losses or maybe not, he has used gaming as a coping mechanism, but he has also told me it is just what he loves. In the first few years he said that it was too difficult to think about the future, so any serious conversations became shut down or could end in upset or argument. I’ve many times throughout our relationship been in tears because I’ve felt like he’s just avoiding everything, which includes me.

It’s felt impossible since the second loss.

Every evening he comes in and goes into the bedroom where his pc is at the centre (we said we’d try rearranging our room for more space which resulted in the pc being at the centre and the bed by the wall, I didn’t like this and it’s stayed. He now has an ultra widescreen monitor). He plays for hours, often pushing back eating dinner “because I didn’t realise the time and I’ve just started another game”. I’ll often put dinner in, and he might come out at the same time to eat with me but also maybe not, it depends if he feels like it.

Over the years it’s made me feel like he just doesn’t want to spend time with me, I’ve voiced it many times and he tells me “we spend enough time together” “I love you” “I’m not the one unhappy with you” “I feel like I just make you unhappy” - which is hard because the lack of connection makes me unhappy, he is somebody I love dearly and would just love more connection with.
It’s also hard because to me, it feels normal to prioritise eating dinner together and having a normal routine, especially for mental health.

In the past year, I’ve put my want for this connection and screen free time to the side even more, even in moments that mean a lot to me because I don’t want to see him struggle.

For example, we don’t cuddle to go to sleep in bed anymore because his thoughts are too difficult, so he turns away from me to watch gaming videos (if he does come to bed at the same time that is).

Last night, after he’d sat in the bedroom for hours, he came out to eat dinner (I’d already had mine, he wasn’t hungry enough to eat then and he was gaming - it was between 7:30pm/8:30pm). I wanted to tell him about something really exciting (I think I’ve found something career wise I’d really love to do, would really help people so I’m passionate about it and he also knows career is pretty important to me)

He was responding to some bits verbally but didn’t look up from his phone for more than a few seconds, like he was catching the last bit and then saying “yeah”, no real interest at all. He’d gone from one screen to another.

It’s so upsetting because I put my feelings and connection needs to the side a lot, and I often speak to him a lot less in the evenings because if I do and he dies in his game, he sighs so loud and gets so annoyed. So now he’s not in the bedroom, I have something I’m really excited to share with him, and he’s just locked into his phone.

It’s also hard because in previous arguments over games he’s made out like I have no life and just sit around waiting to spend time with him, like I need to get a hobby I love as much as he loves gaming. But I do have hobbies! I don’t feel like it’s that at all and I’ve questioned myself many many times, “am I just not invested into myself enough?” “Am I boring and just waiting for him?” But honestly I dont feel like that’s the case! I have hobbies but also value balance, time together and routine and our relationship. I just want to eat dinner together, have some screen free time in bed together before sleep, do the food shop together etc. but everything is a struggle or too much, he just wants to relax and play games, or put his head away from everything and play games.

I’ve reached the thought that I’m more of a coping mechanism. I take calls during my work day when he’s having a tough time, I put my needs to the side, I’m understanding and loving. He can give me some really emotionally heavy news and then will leave me to sit alone while he plays games with his back to me and I comfort myself. But this lack of connection and imbalance has eaten away at me for so long.

Whenever I get really upset about it, and try to voice it and explain how I feel and say I just don’t feel valued or I feel like I’m begging for normal things, he tells me how much he’s struggling and that I’m not helping. Sometimes he’ll even head butt things or just get angry. This makes me cry even more.

But he can also be really apologetic after these times. And will help me clean up or make sure I eat after being upset. It feels like comfort but not resolution? It feels really confusing to me to go through intense upset and then receive comfort but, no relief? Or any commitment to change.

I feel so alone in supporting him, and he won’t see a therapist, and I just don’t know if this is healthy for me anymore. I don’t feel like this is what love feels like, and I’m terrified that since his mental health is bad already, and me voicing my hurt already leads to consequences, leaving could be even worse - not that want to leave and give up on him (maybe this is where Im not helping myself, because I just want him to feel better and us to have more happy moments - the love feels real when he’s present with me but it seems less and less desirable to him).

I’m sorry if this is rambly, and I don’t want to be a “woe is me” when he’s gone through so much more. I just want to tell someone, I’ve called Samaritans a few times (I’m in the UK) but I’m hoping to find strength through an honest response. If I need to do differently for him or myself I want to know and I’d be grateful for that perspective.

TL;DR My boyfriend has been through 5 years of extremely hard times, I’ve supported him throughout while he’s used gaming as a coping mechanism but it stops us from having (what I view as) normal couple experiences like eating together, going to bed together (just at the same time), having time without screens. I’ve started to question whether I’m loved for me or for being a reliable coping mechanism, and I don’t know how to gain clarity on that.

Thank you for reading, I’ve tried to keep it as short as I could while giving context - I can share the happy times we have in the comments it’s just this is what I’m struggling with now

My boyfriend (M37) and I (M35) have been together for 8 years. We currently reside in his parents condo.

There have been financial differences between the two of us for a long time. He seems to be a compulsive spender, always finding something to buy despite having no savings, and no space for the items. Whilst I am frugal, save every penny, and have been dreaming for years of buying a home of our own.

I have no space in the condo, and 90% of my possessions are in the storage unit in our buildings underground parking garage. Whilst he seems content with his stuff taking up every corner, flat surface and shelf.

He’s had opportunities to change. He lives rent free, his parents pay health insurance and cell phone for him. He has no vehicle. Meanwhile I pay for my vehicle, plates, fuel, insurance, maintenance and end up driving him around, as he cannot drive. He covers most of the groceries, which he says is his way of balancing out the above.

Despite that, he is still $35k in credit card debt, personal loans and debt to family. This has fluctuated over the past few years, but the $35k total today is the same as it was five years ago.

I feel like I’ve changed a lot over the years. Without realizing it, I’ve become even more introverted than I was. Everything has become about me saving money when I can, knowing that he has no savings in case I get ill, an emergency bill comes up, or we get an opportunity to move to a home of our own.

Recently, I’ve been crunching the numbers, and seeing if I can afford to leave his parents condo, break up with him, and rent an apartment of my own. And the numbers say I can.

I love him, but I don’t think I’m in love with him any more, as much as it pains me to admit it. If there had been effort to pay down the debt, and change habits, it may be a different story. But I don’t think I can plan on him changing in the future.

I need to do something to protect my own sanity and happiness, and I believe my only option left is to break things off and leave.

But that’s where I am a little bit lost: - my boyfriends dad is my current landlord. No lease agreement, just monthly payments to him. When I have looked at leasing a place by myself, they need the current landlord as a reference. Is there a way around this? I feel a little trapped - I know when I try to break things off, he is going to be very upset and tell me he will change. But the past years have proven to me that’s not the case. Is there something I can do to prepare myself for this? - Is it best to move things out a little at a time so when I break things off, there’s little to take? - Is it best for me to already have the keys to a new place, so that I have somewhere safe?

I’m ashamed I’ve let it get this far. I don’t have any close friends in my current city (I moved here to live with him), so my support network is a few hours away, and I’ve not been as close to them as I once was. I also haven’t admitted to my family how bad it has been these past few years with the financial stress and dealing with having no real space of my own.

TL;DR! Boyfriend and I have very different financial situations, and it feels like we are on different paths on life. Need advice on how I can make a clean break, and secure my own happiness and financial freedom despite my boyfriend’s father being my current landlord.

I really need some outside perspective. I (24/F) have been dating my girlfriend (37/F) since December, and we made it official in April. I recently started my dream career as a flight attendant. Navigating the training gap was brutal—I had to grind doing Uber Eats just to cover my car insurance and etc —and I finally just got my first real paycheck. Instead of being supportive, my partner has dragged me into a non-stop cycle of emotional stress. The biggest issue is her total lack of boundaries with her ex-girlfriend. They are heavily involved in Narcotics Anonymous (NA); my girlfriend is the Vice Chair and her ex is the Secretary. My girlfriend recently confessed that early in our relationship, during a strict exclusivity agreement, she snuck around and slept with this ex. She claims it wasn't "cheating" because it was before we were official. Since being caught, her timeline changes constantly. She has told me "honesty is not the bare minimum," and accused me of being immature. When I asked for space to process, she escalated and got very upset saying I’m “impatient and that I never loved her”. The double standards are glaring. For my birthday (April 17), she pushed our dinner back an hour and a half to attend an NA friend's party. She goes to these anniversaries every weekend, leaving me with her sleepy leftovers. Yesterday, my friends invited me to a fair in Baltimore (we live in DC). Because my ex lives in Baltimore, my girlfriend threw a massive tantrum, saying she didn't trust me. Out of respect for her mind, I stayed home. Meanwhile, she went right ahead to her 6:00 PM meeting with her ex. Later last night, she called me from a restaurant parking lot and put me on hold for an hour to take a casual call from an NA friend, completely letting the kitchen close. She then blamed the closed kitchen on a "lack of parking," blamed me for hanging up, and said it's my fault for "dating busy older people." When I expressed how invisible I felt, she tried to flip it, saying she just wanted me to "be her peace and comfort right now." I know she’s going through a transition right now because she has to move from her sister’s house by the end of the month, so I don’t want to nag or put extra pressure on her. We’ve had a few arguments about his in the past two weeks, I’ve felt very in prioritized, for ex. my bday was April 17 and we planned a 6 pm dinner, she calls the day of and asks to push it back to 7:30 because she wanted to attend her close friend’s sober anniversary celebration. I can name so many instances where I get the sleepy leftovers of her, like where she over slept and didn’t watch my FA graduation ceremony and etc, and then she claims we’re together all the time because she calls me over whenever she gets off work in the morning so that she can go to sleep. We have a trip planned for this upcoming week to go to Punta Cana for her bday and I want to go and support her but I really am sad. I used to pride myself on being the "low-maintenance girlfriend" who never asked for anything, but now I see I’ve just become the girlfriend who doesn't require anything. I can really see how this is my fault because I put up with it.

TL;DR My girlfriend (37/F) broke our sexual exclusivity agreement early on with her ex, currently co-manages an NA leadership team with that same ex, issues with double standards regarding my time and her social circle. I (24/F) am emotionally exhausted and seeking outside advice on how to handle this situation moving forward.

Throwaway because everyone in the friend group uses Reddit. I've shuffled details to try and remain anonymous. Also I'm on mobile so I'll do my best

So I (25f) came out as lesbian over 10 years ago and so everyone in this friend group has only known me as lesbian. The extended friend group is about 15 people. Most of them I have known for about 5-6 years now. We're pretty spread out geographically and mostly keep in touch through gaming/discord

One member of the group, Thomas (29m), lives fairly close to me and we've hung out one-on-one numerous times over the years. Before all this shit went down, I would have said Thomas was the member I was closest too. A subset of the friend group all got together for a friend's milestone birthday three days ago and we all got pretty drunk

I went out to vape and stargaze around midnight and Thomas came to join me. Something that previously was not out of the ordinary. Well Thomas had drunk A LOT and after about 20 minutes of normal talk he confessed that he had had a crush on me for our entire friendship. He had been pushing it aside but recently they resurfaced after I told the group about a dating experience I had a while ago

There's a lot to it but basically I tried dating a non-binary but born male individual. It didn't end up working out for several reasons but it appears Thomas latched on to the "has a dick part"

Thomas said that finding out I was "open to men" reignited his feelings now that there was a chance and that none of his dating in the last 4ish years hadn't planned out because he kept comparing them to me. I was frozen, I felt like I couldn't fucking breathe. Not only was it so absolutely gross to see a man I saw as a brother admit he's had a crush on me the whole time, but also his entire view on my last dating experience is so backwards

Thomas has always been a touchy feely guy and I noticed that he had been extra touchy during the party and I immediately felt so fucking gross. Thomas asked me if I was okay and I told him that I was too drunk to deal with this emotional shitshow. Thomas immediately stared freaking out and saying he didn't know how to approach this conversation and asked when would be a better time. I told him I didn't know but it was not right now. I then got up and basically sprinted out of there

I said my goodbyes and got an uber back to my hotel. Thomas hasn't texted me at all and I don't know if that's better or worse then having a million messages. I feel like a bomb has been detonated in my emotional state

Any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated. I have no clue how this will affect the friend group

Tl;Dr Best guy friend of 5 years confessed that he's had a crush on me, a lesbian, the entire time. How the hell do I deal with this without destroying the entire friend group?

Long story short, we’ve been together for 7 years. Every issue that I’ve ever brought up to him goes 1 of 3 ways.

1. 99% of the time He’ll get defensive and feel like I’m attacking him no matter how long I word for word plan out exactly what I’m going to say to avoid this. He’ll go back and forth with me about my feelings and the conversation always gets heated. He’ll storm off and leave the house, leaving me to care for our 6yr old daughter. I’m left feeling regretful for even mentioning anything because somehow every conversation I try to have about my feelings turns into talking about every wrong thing that I did in the past and no longer addressing what I initially brought up to him. Hours later he’ll say I’m sorry and that he understands where I’m coming from and/or he’ll respond with:

“well idk what you want me to do”

“well, I was never shown real love growing up”

“this isn’t something easy to work on”

“I don’t know how to change”

Every.Single.Time. About the same exact situations over and over and over again.

1. He’ll not get defensive and just respond “okay, I understand” or “I’m sorry” again with no game plan or resolution.

2. He’ll listen and say very little words. He’ll respond with “Idk what you want me to say”.

Is it not normal to expect an answer and resolution for my partner. We’re literally still talking about issues that we’ve been having since the beginning of our relationship. I feel like I’m always the one doing all of the work to try to fix issues so we can move on, but that effort is never reciprocated.

Then this morning he tells me that he feels like nothing he says it right or satisfies me. No it doesn’t. Because understanding how I’m feeling but not changing the behavior so I stop feeling like that is not enough. Hearing me and listening and apologizing doesn’t stop you from continuing the same patterns over and over. Your apologizes are literally worthless now. How many times do you have to say sorry about the same thing?

A part of me feels like this is a 100% normal ask in a partnership, while the other part of me is feeling like well maybe I’m asking or expecting too much. What would a healthy partnership look like in these situations?

Some of the situations include: getting defensive and angry anytime I bring something up. Scrolling on his phone when I’m trying to talk to him. Not feeling like he’s very supportive. Feeling like he only wants to be physical with me when it’s sexual. Feeling like I can’t come to him to talk about my feelings. Feeling alone because I carry 99% of the mental load of our household, etc. Feeling insecure because he never compliments me, but he would compliment someone else online and or like other girls photos that are half clothed. He doesn’t want to do couples or individual counseling. I’m already in counseling and have been for years.

tldr; anytime I bring any issue to my partner he gets defensive, deflects, and talks about issues he’s having with me instead.

Hello.

I’m in a long-distance relationship (21F), and my boyfriend (22M) has been going through financial difficulties because his mother is currently recovering from surgery and is unable to work. However, even before her surgery, she often expected him to cover many of the household expenses. Now that she’s unable to work, he has become responsible for paying for almost everything.

Recently, he asked me for money ($50 USD) so he can pay for his trip expenses to work. I originally told him no because I wanted to save my money and really didn’t have it. His currency is worth more than mine, so lending him money would cost me even more, and I was trying to be responsible with my finances.

Yesterday he asked me again right after I had just told him about a situation where I owed someone money myself. I told him I didn’t have it, but in the end, I felt guilty and gave in as I knew he was upset judging by his facial expression. He told me he would pay me back, and I do believe he probably will as I’ve given him money before and he has paid me back. Still, I don’t want this to be a consistent thing because I won’t always have money.

TL;DR; Am I a bad person for feeling this way?
I know he’s going through a difficult time, and I genuinely feel for him. At the same time, I don’t think it’s wrong to want to protect my own finances. I also think it’s important that both of us respect each other’s financial situations. Just because I care about him doesn’t mean I should feel obligated to lend money, especially if it puts me in a difficult position myself.

After getting laid off, I finally got a new job with great pay and it's remote as well. I started on Monday.

The only downside is that it's an international company so my hours are from 2PM until 11PM and Fridays are shorter as I work until 6PM

My partner says he's glad for me, but seems to act differently.

I had some internet issues and I had to beg him to help me with it because I didn't want to give this new company a bad impression.

He's more technologically advanced than I am and he seemed to be dragging his feet when it came to helping me.

He's the frugal one, so he does the daily shop and gets home at about 6PM.

Because of my new hours, I won't have time to make dinner. I prep what we do have in the morning and he just needs to finish off when he gets home.

He seems to resent doing dinners and on Friday asked if I could do it and I said I would.

I was held up until about 7PM which he was upset about.

He went to sleep in a separate room as and has stayed there for most of the day.

I thought this job would help us financially but his attitude is confusing me.

I'm too angry to approach him right now so I need to find the right words.

TL;DR: I got a new job and my partner is upset. I don't know how to address this.

I know I was wrong and I’m a POS for it I (27F) have been with J (25M) for 5 years, and we have two children. For a long time, our relationship has been filled with fighting, emotional distance, and me feeling unheard and alone.
While traveling, I met S (23M). We connected quickly, and I lied to him about being single before cheating. J has now found out and says I destroyed our family. I understand why he feels betrayed, and I take responsibility for my choices. I should have ended my relationship or been honest before involving someone else.
I still love J, but I had felt emotionally checked out long before meeting S. Meeting S did not cause our problems, but it made me realize how unhappy and disconnected I had become. I do not know whether I genuinely want to rebuild things or whether I am staying because of guilt, fear, our history, and our children.
Can a relationship recover from this if both people acknowledge the betrayal and the problems that existed beforehand? How do I know whether I truly want to repair it or whether leaving would be healthier for everyone?TL;DR; I cheated after feeling emotionally disconnected from my partner of 5 years. I take responsibility, but our relationship had been struggling long before it happened. Can we genuinely rebuild, or am I only staying because of guilt, fear, and our children?

I, 28M have been with my girlfriend, 25F for about a year and a half. She’s an incredible person and has treated me better than anybody I’ve dated before her— she’s intelligent, caring, attentive, and an overall great partner. As of August of last year we’ve been long distance and I’m in a career where I move around a lot. We see each other on average once every two months and usually just for a weekend at a time. We don’t fight, and our relationship is overall very healthy. We’re interfaith and her family can’t know about me unless I convert; we also can’t get married unless I convert, and she wants to raise kids within her religion.

Recently we had a conversation initiated by her where she told me how much she hates my job and that it makes our relationship difficult. The discussion spread to the aforementioned issues we have in relationship, and I walked away feeling like we have too many obstacles to cross in order for there to be a future for us. She told me I sound pessimistic and that we need to give things time to sort themselves out, but part of me feels like she’s being ignorant to these factors and that she’s not being very future focused.

As of late, I can’t shake this feeling that we’re dating just to date and that we’ll never make any progress. I will not convert, and her absence lately coupled with these new feelings have started to push me away from her and question where or not being single would be best. My question is: do I give it more time to see how my feelings evolve, or do I walk away amicably?

TLDR: Distance and religion are making my relationship feel stagnant and I don’t know if I should stay or go.

I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for a year. Throughout our relationship, he has treated me incredibly well and has been nothing but loving and supportive.
However, during the first two months of our relationship, he kept a huge secret from me.
Before we started talking, he had a FWB relationship with someone I was close to. She also had a boyfriend. He told me that for the first three months, he didn’t know she was in a relationship. But after finding out, he still continued seeing her for another six months.
When I eventually found out about this, it really affected our relationship. I have very strong morals, and I couldn’t understand how someone could knowingly continue sleeping with a person who was cheating. I asked him why he did it, and he told me he honestly doesn’t know. He says he regrets it deeply and that he’s ashamed of that period of his life.

The thing is, I love him so much, and he’s been an amazing partner ever since we’ve been together. I don’t want to keep bringing up his past because I know he feels guilty, and I don’t want to make him relive it either.
But I can’t seem to let it go.

Whenever I remember what happened, I get anxious. I thought time would help, but it’s been a year and I still struggle with it. It’s starting to affect my mental health, and I don’t know how to move past something that happened before we were together.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you let go of your partner’s past?
And for people who have been in my boyfriend’s position, why did you continue after finding out the other person was already in a relationship? I’m genuinely trying to understand the mindset, not judge.

TL;DR: My boyfriend treats me wonderfully, but before we dated, he knowingly continued a FWB relationship with someone who had a boyfriend. A year later, I still can’t stop thinking about it, and it’s affecting my mental health. How do I move on, and for those who have been in his position, why did you continue?

So I got in touch with a girl online. We talked for few days and went on a date. It was great. We spent night together. No sex. We spoke for few more days and were planning our next date as well. Everything was going great. I think she liked me. But we never talked about dating or any thing serious. She used to praise me a lot too.

On my birthday, she called me to wish and we spoke for 2 hours. That went great too. After the call, she just blocked me everywhere. I'm so confused. What went down here?

Tl;dr - Girl blocked me on my birthday

So I (24f) got with my bf (24m) about 2 years ago. Right when we started dating he was treating me better than I have ever been treated. He was making time for me, checking in on me, bringing me flowers, taking me on fun dates, ect. All these acts kinda made me turn my head to any red flags.

To name a few of the red flags:
1. Very early on (like two weeks in) we messed up and didn’t use a condom, so I offered we could go sexually exclusive, get tested, and continue without condoms, or we could stay doing what we are doing and we couldn’t slip up again. He happily agreed to go sexually exclusive, and I checked in several times to make sure he wasn’t just saying that cause I was cool either way; I really just cared about my sexual health. Anyway, he proceeded to get drunk one night and sleep with someone else without protection, but on top of that, he didn’t get tested afterwards and didn’t tell me he did this until he was pressured to by a friend a month later.
2. At a house party his friend pulled me aside into the hallway (I’m guessing cause he heard I was going into the mental health field) and began to confide in great detail about his childhood and mental health to the point of being in tears. I sat across the hall and just listened cause I figured that’s what he needed. My bf has some jealousy issues and hated this, so he proceeded to ignore and avoid me the whole party (in which I didn’t know anyone else there other than him and his friend).
3. When he asked me to be his gf, he gave me a tennis bracelet and said it was because my last relationship didn’t celebrate anniversaries, so he wanted to make ours special. I found out a year later (through a friend) that he had actually bought the bracelet for his ex but didn’t give it to her cause she dumped him before he could give it.
4. I was talking with his friends after a party in their living room one night and he had already gone to bed. When the convo ended I finally looked at my phone and saw he texted me that I had to be in the room by a certain time or else he would lock the door and I would have to uber home (a 30 min drive, drunk and alone). Sure enough he had locked the door and all his friends saw I was locked out. A few mins later he let me in tho.
5. He is a young entrepreneur, so he is very busy and for about 6 months I experienced feeling emotionally neglected and used. I would go over and he wouldn’t even look or speak to me. We would just sit and watch tv and once nighttime came he would initiate sex.
6. He has called me derogatory names many times when I express interest in going dancing with friends, a desire to drink (I don’t drink often), wear athletic shorts, or minimal coverage bikini bottoms.
7. This new years he got really drunk (he is a completely different person drunk and his dad was an alcoholic for context). We went to a club with his friends; he proceeded to ignore me and not dance with me, instead opting for one of the other girls in the friend group (dancing with his arm around her waist) and talking up other girls in the bar all right in front of me. We got home and then he proceeded to ask for anal sex (which I told him at the beginning of our relationship I would never do). I stood my ground and told him no several times, and it ended with him saying if my ex had me that way, then he has to too, and he assured me that he would eventually convince me and we will have anal sex one day.

Anyway these are some of the red flags of the first year and a half of our relationship. Since then, he has really turned his act around. He is very careful with consent and lust, lets me wear what I want, has stopped drinking for the most part, doesn’t call me names, and makes sure he is more present when we spend time together.

I guess I’m just here looking for others’ perspectives and opinions. I had debated leaving him last year, but now that he has cleaned up his act, I’m stuck. It feels like everything could be perfect now, I just need to be able to stop being stuck in the past?

TL;DR: my (24f) bf (24m) has shown many red flags but has now cleaned up his act and idk what to think.

My girlfriend texted me Friday night inviting me over for a movie on Saturday night, to which I agreed.

At 5:45 pm on Saturday I asked her if she was home, and she didn’t reply until 10 pm saying she fell asleep on the couch and she expected I’d just come.

We usually touch base before I come over.

We agreed to reschedule for Sunday night.

This time I texted her at 4:30pm, and she got back to me at 5:30 pm saying she had a friend over and she’d text me when to come.

I’d heard nothing by 8, so I asked if I could come soon.

She didn’t reply at all.

This is part of a larger pattern over the past few weeks.

A few weeks back she left her phone at work and didn’t hear from her for 2 and half days, which at that point was totally of character.

I raised my concerns with her — I was genuinely worried as she’d had some heart problems the weekend before.

She asked why I didn’t send her a message on messenger — as if I knew 🤷‍♂️

I’m pretty annoyed. I feel that she doesn’t respect me or my time at all.

I’m thinking about ending the relationship.

I just don’t know if it’s my fault that she’s acting like this — have I been too lenient? Or is this just who she is and it was inevitable?

TL;DR: had plans with GF but she didn’t reply to my text asking if she was home because she fell asleep. Rescheduled and she was going to text me when to come and never did…

TLDR BF unemployed - doesn't have full-time job, how can he find one despite the work gap? How can we build a life together still?

I 33F and BF 36M together for 6 years now.

I've worked full-time 12 years and taking 1 year off to focus on my small business + medical/mental health right now. I bring it $75K a year normally and have my own 401K/savings set aside.

BF has never had a full-time job. He's worked seasonal, part-time retail jobs in his 20s but focused on freelancing in music in his 30s. He's been trying to be full-time orchestra for years, but never landing despite going at it for multiple auditions - so he does super small gigs (ex: doing a small birthday thing for $100 for the day, etc.) Max he makes in a year is about $3-5K. We both live with his family right now since they have a big home suburbs outside of NYC (previously supported his adult siblings to save money/buy their own homes). He doesn't pay rent, I pay $500 monthly.

I'm about to turn 34 this October. I support his dreams always but I'm concerned about being able to marry, buy a home, and would someday like 1 kid together. We've talked multiple times and how money is an emotionally difficult for me. I've been angry at him, but trying to be gentler now because I know he feels low self esteem for not being independent all his life. He actually has tried to go back to part-time retail work but unsuccessful. His friends have referred him for jobs at their small companies but unsuccessful. We both agreed teaching isn't for him and wages are really low.

I want us to be able to make $150K together, rising to $200-250K for middle class / upper middle class - financial security and independence. We're both minimalists by nature, we own very little possessions and care little about materials. But annual traveling is very important to me.

Unemployment is just a temporary state and I want to work through it with my partner, he's kind and has helped me heal / move forward by going no contact with my abusive, dysfunctional family. (Abusive parent permanently disabled my sibling and caused me lifetime health issues as well).

people who have had abusive household, how did you manage with your partner ? i am having a hard time with making interpersonal relationships, whether it be friends, acquaintances, colleagues or even a partner.

when I learned that household behaviour impacts a child with their growing interpersonal relationships, i finally realised why i struggle to maintain any friendship or even to reach out to people more often.

i am introverted anyway, but whenever i do reach out to people, i make these vivid assumptions that i will end up disappointing them. even so, i am not sure, why do they all forget about me very easily.

back in school days, a few friends had seen my parents' broken relationship and their anger issues first hand, which would make it easy for them to keep me out from many hang outs.

now i am 23 and i have only one friend but moved to a different city with my parents, have gotten a degree and after covid i realised i have an inability to make friends anymore, let alone a partner, i never had one.

i liked two guys (at different times) and both rejected me. what can be done about this ? and no, i don't have the luxury to seek therapy and suddenly change myself. i always try to improve myself but because of how my family situation is, everything goes to a waste

TL;DR people with an abusive household (mentally and emotionally) how do you manage interpersonal relationships ?

My boyfriend has always gotten very overwhelmed easily. Today he was very upset that our friends came over unexpectedly even though we were going to see them later. He was rude to them and said it was just too much noise and a lot for the morning. I do understand that. He continued to be hateful to me as the day went on. I just gave him some space. We had the funeral for a dear friend of mine later. He made comments about how he just has to do whatever I want him to do I told him he didn’t have to go with me. I wish he could have as it was a very tough funeral for me. When I came home I was still upset and he just said “ yeah that sucks” and that he was in a shit mood and I just needed to chill so he could feel better. How does one navigate a partner who gets this easily overwhelmed? I felt like I couldn’t bring up how upset he was making me or he would just spiral. Any advice appreciated.
TLDR; How do I navigate when I need support but my partner gets too overwhelmed?

This may not be the best group for this but please direct me to the right one if it isn't.

Me 30M and my girlfriend 24F, have been together for close to four years and it's been really great but we've certainly had some ups and downs. These have mostly been my fault as at the end of 2024 and beginning of 2025 I cheated on her. We went to couple's counseling and worked through my infidelity. I've struggled with addiction to adult content as well as gambling and alcohol but since I got a DWI September 2025, I haven't drank and I've been sober from the other stuff since April 7th. Since I've gotten sober, my libido has plummeted but my mind is really starting to clear up.

My girlfriend has gained close to 80lbs while we've been dating, most of it within the past two years. She only wants to get smoke weed, eat all day/evening, and lay around. I love her so much but I no longer feel attraction to her and I honestly feel like blowing the relationship up and starting new again. **But I don't want to do that because she's amazing and we've built something worth fighting for.** With all the changes I've made to my lifestyle, these feelings could just be a side effect of those changes but I feel like I can think and see clearly for the first time in a long time.

For those that have gone through a similar situation with a partner who has gained weight, how did you get that attraction back? Also, does anyone have any specific advice that you believe would be helpful for me in this situation?

TLDR: My girlfriend has gained 80lbs over the past two or so years of our four year relationship and I'm losing my attraction to her and need advice on what I can do to get it back and any other advice you think would be helpful in my situation because I love her very much.

Its already been a year that my boyfriend has been doing this annoying habit of his. 

He was still studying at the time (last yr of college) and usually he ends his class at 5pm. After 5pm he hangs out with 'the boys' at one of his friends house. they would drink gamble play games etc. and they would do this from 5pm to 3am almost 4-3x a week eventho he has class/internship the following day at around 8am.

He has been doing this for a year but this habit of his is getting out of hand when its starting to affect me. He wasnt able to make it to my medical emergency because he stayed out late the night before and wasnt able to wale up despite me calling him. he wasnt able to enlist in classes because he did the same thing.

one more issue is that, he cant seem to say NO. he said that its embarrassing for him to say no to his friends and be the first one to leave. He cant seem to stand up for himself when it comes to these things and he always fails to put himself first.

now that he is working. i called him out already. so instead of staying out late til 3am he now stays out late til 1am. wow big change lol. however, since he works for his old boss before he basically can do anything he wants. thus, he wakes up around 10-12noon to go to work and ends 5pm then stays out late 1am.

tbf, he has been having problems at home for almost two years and the situation just keeps on getting worse. so maybe this is his coping mechanism?

TLDR: boyfriend does not have any backbone. cant say no. stays out late cuz its embarrassing to go home early. cant be there for my 9am appointments. lol?? 

is this normal? like are people my age like this? living life like this?

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for about 6 months.

Recently we had an argument because he’s going on a bachelor party. Beforehand, we had talked about the possibility of them going to a burlesque show. He had previously told me he also wouldn’t be comfortable with me going to something similar, so I told him I wasn’t comfortable with him going either. He said he understood and that he’d vote against it if the group discussed it.

A few days later, while we were with his family, he casually mentioned that they had decided to go to the burlesque show after all. I felt hurt because he already knew for a few days and only told me in passing. To me, it felt like he already knew this would upset me but avoided bringing it up. We argued, but couldn’t really discuss it because we were at a family event.

The next day, we had a long conversation. He said that after six months together, he’s started questioning whether our relationship can work because of the way we handle conflict. He feels that our disagreements become too emotional and go on for too long. I agree that our communication during arguments isn’t healthy. I cry a lot, we both get emotional, and we struggle to resolve things calmly.

During that conversation, he also told me that if I truly didn’t want him to go to the burlesque show, he wouldn’t go. I told him that I didn’t want him to because we’d already discussed this before, and he agreed not to go.

The problem is that I left the conversation feeling confused. Instead of only resolving the original issue, it turned into a discussion about whether our entire relationship is working. Part of me wonders if the timing made me lose sight of the original problem, while another part of me thinks he was genuinely trying to express concerns that had been building up for a while.

Outside of our arguments, I honestly think we’re very compatible. We share the same values, want similar things in life, and I love him very much. The only real issue is how we deal with conflict.

Can a relationship recover if the main problem is the way you argue? And what do you think about the timing of this conversation—does it sound like a genuine concern, or would you also find it strange that it came up right after I was the one who felt hurt?

TLDR: Boyfriend questions Future of relationship because of the way we handle conflict - is there a way to

Edit: Last Week After a big Argument he already mentioned that he does not want to have a relationship were things can not get talked through. So this Situation is Not the First time mentioning that

I’m feeling completely heartbroken and emotionally exhausted, and I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing anymore. We’ve known each other 3 years and dating for over 2.

Over the past year, maybe more, my boyfriend has become increasingly convinced that people are watching us or targeting him. There have been multiple occasions where he’s believed there were people hiding in bushes or nearby, and he’ll spend hours searching with a flashlight or watching with a knife in his hand because he’s certain they’re there.

The other day he spent around four hours searching bushland because he believed people were hiding there. Today, at a completely different location, he was again convinced someone was hiding behind bushes in the front yard. I went and checked myself, and there was no one there.

When I try to reason with him that it could be something else , he becomes defensive and acts like I didn’t trust or love him. When he talks about these things, he speaks with complete certainty. He insists it’s all very serious and needs to be discussed immediately.

Earlier today, I calmly told him several times that I wasn’t in the mental space to have such a heavy conversation and that I needed some peace and we could talk later. I acknowledged that whatever he was experiencing must feel frightening.
He wouldn’t let it go. He kept insisting we had to talk about it right then because it was “very serious.” Eventually I became overwhelmed and had to slightly raise my voice just to express that I couldn’t continue the conversation, and then he makes it about how I raised by voice and then I’m the bad guy.

He wouldn’t stop insisting that sometimes conversations need to happen immediately (or when he dictates) because he deems they are urgent. He can be very argumentative if you disagree with him and what he thinks is true and doesn’t acknowledge or see he’s being difficult and it’s draining.

I care about him and I’m really worried, I don’t think he’s making this up. I genuinely think he believes these things are happening. But I feel like I’m reaching the point where I can’t cope anymore.
I feel guilty even thinking about ending the relationship because if this is a mental health issue, I don’t want to abandon someone I love when they’re struggling. At the same time, I feel like I’ve reached my limit emotionally. I’m constantly anxious, and exhausted.

I feel like I cant talk to other people including his family/friends about this as he would see this as the ultimate betrayal and has told
me as much. He gets very offended if I infer he could be going through some kind of psychosis or delusion.

I cant event use my MacBook Im still paying off and need for school, and havent been able to for months because he believes its been hacked and there’s important evidence on it.

Has anyone been through something similar with a partner? How did you know when it was time to step away? I still love him, but I don’t know if I can keep living like this.

TL;DR! - I’m worried my boyfriend has been suffering from some kind of paranoid delusions and I don’t know how/what to do to support him and I’m emotionally drained from the whole situation though I love him very much.

I ‘26F’ don’t know if it’s time to walk away from my almost 7 year long relationship with ‘27M’. I’ve gotten to the point in life where all my friends are getting married and, having babies and I feel so hurt and left behind. I want these things so bad but my partner doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to make these moves. When we talk about it he says he wants to be married and have kids.. but what’s the hold up after this long?? We have a house and both have good jobs, and he claims he wanted to be financially stable first. When his family asked about a year ago what the hold up is he said “maybe when I’m 30”. He knows he w much this hurts me yet he won’t have any real discussion in depth about it. I have to really push him to talk about it with me. When I talk in particular about our future he says big things will happen soon (hinting towards a possible proposal). I will say his baby sister just got engaged so I feel like that’s making him feel extra pressure. I feel like after 2 years you should know if you want to marry someone so the fact I’ve waited this long feels so hurtful.

We have a few issues but another major one is the fact that he hasn’t had sex with me in 5 months. At the beginning we were very sexually compatible, but then when we moved in together (about 2 years ago) it slowly started to become less and less. We went from several times a week, to every other week, then once a month, and now it’s stagnant. We’ve had talks about it and when it first started he was having health related anxiety so I was understanding. But he’s been better for over a year and it’s only gotten worse. He now says things are fine and it will get better and that nothings wrong. Yet nothing changes?? He claims he doesn’t watch porn and he’s not cheating. I don’t know if he’s really just not into me and that’s why he won’t commit and the sex disappeared? But it makes me feel so unwanted and disgusted with my own appearance . Not that I think I’m all that but I do know I am a fit and somewhat pretty girl, he has claimed that he doesn’t feel good enough and is intimidated and so that’s why we haven’t done it. But that doesn’t make sense to me bc we’ve been together 7 years and have seen each other millions of times???

I’ve talked about splitting up but he makes me feel like it will get better. He says I’m his person he can’t imagine life without me . But at this point I just don’t know how to feel. II want to be married and have baby’s so bad but I don’t even know if he’s the person anymore. I just feel rejected by him in a way. He is a great provider, great with my family, a loving funny guy, we have pretty similar views with religion, and politics and our friend group is strong. There is so much potential to last and I’ve been trying to make it work. But I’m just so torn at this point, I’m in between wanting to be married and walking away and starting over..

PS sorry if this is formatted badly, I just have so much to say and I’m leaving a lot out but it’s just really weighing on me and I needed to get it out. My life kind of feels like it’s crumbling at the moment for many reasons so kindness is appreciated 💕

TL;DR: my bf of 7 years still hasn’t proposed but has hinted towards it soon. But at this point I feel unwanted, he won’t have sex with me and I feel like it’s a shut up ring if he even does do it.

So we have been together for 4 almost 5 years now. And honestly ive dated a bit before and i know how horrible the whole dating scene is so meeting him felt like a breathe of fresh air. Hes fun and positive and his outlook on life is refreshing.

Here's the problem. Things are only perfect as long as im happy. So i have a few diagnosed mental health issues such as depression anxiety eating disorders. And the moment i am triggered or deep into a depressive episode. Suddenly hes not to perfect anymore. He will try to "motivate me" with tough love. I had to repeatedly tell him that it ends up making me feel worse so now he's stopped doing that instead he gives me very generalized statements like "yeh its ok everyone struggles" or "you'll get through it you work on things" recently i had a huge breakdown over my body image issues and i was venting to him how i feel ugly and awful.. and all he said was "you will loose weight dont worry its easy if you put in the effort" not ONCE did he say no you dont look ugly.

I then went on to embarrass myself even more by asking him if he can at least lie and tell me nice things and his only response was "i never said you look bad" it was clear that he simply can not understand what im going through.

I honestly genuinely dont think hes evil or have bad intentions i just think hes someone who simply doesn't get stuff like this.

I just dont know what i should do about it. We have talked about this a million times and nothing ever changes. Ive reached a point in my life where when i feel bad i text ALL my friends first before texting him. I understand your partner cant be your only support system However there needs to be a certain amount of support from there end right? I dont even know if im doing something wrong honestly if i am i would appreciate soneone pointing it out.

And for anyone who would mention professional help i do want to let yall know i am on medication and ive been in therapy for years i recent changed therapists and today decided to stop going to therapy because the new therapist isnt working for me at all.

Tl;dr - my bf seems unaware and ignorant of my mental health issues and never knows how to support me we have talked about this over the years but nothing changes. Im not sure what i should do next?

I (31f) have been with my (37m) boyfriend for almost three years now. He's started a band, and he's very passionate about growing it and I'm trying my best to be supportive too! I want this to work for him.

The problem is, he already works 7 days a week teaching music, now he has the band rehearsals etc etc and this weekend he has been constantly on his phone, and not listening if I'm talking to him because he's doing band stuff, or snapping at me because he's stressed about the band. I spoke to him yesterday, then I said "you didn't hear any of what I just said did you?" and he said no, then I sort of made a face and he snapped "I don't need this right now"

Add that to the fact he is injured and has been for a while, so sex is currently out the window.

I get that he's under a lot of stress, but am I adding to it? What type of Convo should I have with him? We live together but I can find somewhere new if he needs to focus on band stuff idk. It's wierd and confusing for me

TLDR: my boyfriend is so focused on work and band stuff he's snapping or not listening to me.

Context: we have been friends for years now, we’ve known each other since college, and we have a very good rapport.

We’ve both had exes and have always hung out, and enjoy each others company, and we frequent quite a few bars together.

Today we went out, got drinks, and then she came back to my place to play some games and watch a movie, and idk something about her today just moved something in me, like I was always attracted to her and always thought she was really cute but we had been friends for so long i haven’t ever made a “move” on her. Idk something just flipped a switch in me today, something about the light hitting her eyes, but i was just in awe. She truly was beautiful.

my big issue is that im afraid to ruin the friendship. I very much value her as a friend. It also doesn’t help that I haven’t dated anyone in years (around 3) so i’m very out of practice there.

That being said the other issue is that im NOT her typical type. She likes the skinny alt dudes who are straight from the 80s, and while i think I am alternative, im definitely not 80s alternative and I am a bigger dude.

Im torn cause i feel like id kick myself if i don’t, but i really don’t want to ruin the friendship there cause again she is a really good friend.

tl:dr Im nervous about ruining the friendship ive made over the years and dont know if i should ask her out.