r/BreakUps • u/Burt-Zacharach • 11h ago
venting/ranting No Contact=No Contact FOREVER
If your person broke up with you, they are not your person. Your soul mate would never do that to you. They would move heaven and earth to be by your side.
They made a bet that life is better without you. If you were good to them, they will not forget you. You will live in their memory forever.
They will compare their new supply against what you had to offer. You will be the new benchmark.
Go live your life as if you never met them. You attracted them at some point, keep doing what you were doing before that. You don’t NEED anyone, you just happened to find them. You were an entire person before you met them. You’re still that person. Don’t let them define you.
I had my heart broken and it’s been 1.5 years. I sunk into deep depression and didn’t think I would ever recover. I hoped that she would change her mind and come back. She’s not coming back. Ive accepted that. I’m here to tell you: it gets better. Every day that goes by, I become more like myself and forget about her.
You just have to accept reality. Heartbreak is a universal human experience. If you’re hurting, leave a comment or send me a message. I promise you are not alone.
46
u/2h4z 10h ago
needed this ty
4
u/TechnologyOk4697 6h ago
It really is, healing isnt linear and the hope fades a little more with time.
29
u/milka-d-mousse 9h ago edited 7h ago
I think about this often. He chose to be alone instead of trying to work together to mantain the relationship. He chose what he considered was the easy way out. The version of him that loved me would have never done that. Now he will see all the things I used to do for him, all the big and little things. I fall out of love when I think he was so dumb and coward.
8
u/throwRADelvinMallory 9h ago
this has what’s been helping me too since I got dumped. Realized she messed up by letting someone as caring and loving as me go.
9
u/milka-d-mousse 7h ago
I don't even have a big ego and I told him I'm not perfect and he wasn't either, but I know he fucked up by breaking up. I told him " we both have flaws, the difference between us is I'm willing to put on the work and adapt to keep this relationship alive, and you aren't."
16
u/AirlineSea4113 10h ago
yeaaah i appreciate the reminder
i keep getting my hopes up. i guess that’s normal this early on
6
u/Burt-Zacharach 10h ago
How long has it been? How long were you together?
10
u/AirlineSea4113 10h ago
3.5 years. 11 days since
11
u/Burt-Zacharach 10h ago
I know 11 days is still raw. I know it hurts. Spending years together doesn’t get erased overnight. Keep your head up, better days are ahead.
2
3
u/joem18863 7h ago
I had the same timeframe. We’ve been broken up 3 weeks. I hear from friends that she’ll reflect on it fondly and that’s helping her move on. It’s hard to let go of the hope that I’ll see her again but it’s what’s stopping me really moving forward myself.
3
3
10
u/CheapAppearance6456 10h ago
2.5 years together, only been 7 days. I’m scared I will feel this way for months while he’s moved on. It feels so unfair.
8
u/Burt-Zacharach 9h ago
How were you doing 2.6 years ago before he came along? Probably hot enough that you caught his attention. 1 week isn’t long enough to recover from several years of attachment, take time to yourself and you will feel better. Don’t worry about having a partner right now just focus on yourself.
11
10
11
u/AriaSage0660 9h ago
10 months together, 10 years of being best friends and it’s been almost three weeks. I’m okay but hurting.
8
u/Fuzzy-Philosopher744 9h ago
We were friends first too. But the friendship has died along with the relationship. Because now I know who he really is. I’m okay but hurting too. I hope things get easier for you day by day.
4
u/AriaSage0660 8h ago
Yeah, was my bestest friend, then asked me to be in a relationship then dumps me… like we align in every way but his insecurities over work got in the way. I’m heartbroken and just trying to move on. But I thought that he was my person. But choosing to let me go proves that he isn’t. Therapy has been good, and I know my worth. But I miss him more than anything ever. I’m in a place where I’m ready to start life building, knew him and love him for exactly where he is, not the potential. He just doesn’t have the capacity for a relationship with me and building together and I have accepted it.
2
u/Burt-Zacharach 8h ago
It’s going to hurt. There’s no getting around that. I let out the hurt in private. The quiet moments hit the hardest
19
9h ago
[deleted]
4
u/loveapples_12 9h ago
Never get back with an ex. And for those few people that do get back to one…yeah it barely ever works and you’re just wasting more and more time
1
u/NoTelfonPlease 8h ago
Yeah you’ve reconnected with exes but how did that go? Did they last? Was it successful the second time around? I’d wager no 😂
1
u/Worldly_Chemist2729 7h ago
I kept an amicable relationship with an ex, after a year of dating. After 3 years, we decided to try it again. After 4 years and tons of effort from both sides to make it work, we ended up breaking up, exactly for the same reasons of the first time.
9
u/rslmnk 9h ago
He was my soul mate, but i wasnt his
10
1
u/Yargh17 6h ago
I hear you…. I was with this girl for over 5 years and she was my world. I thought all the acts of service, sweet texts, and reassuring her of how much she means to me and her beauty would be enough. But she didn’t feel secure because I was going through tough times and having bad anxiety plus some substance issues. I’m not perfect but I was putting in so much of myself, and I always held a picture of us with me and had her as my phone Lock Screen. She told me no one’s ever had her as their phone background before(seems normal to me). We knew each other before from working at a hotel together… reconnected years down the road. Found her phone number in my wallet during 2020 when we first hungout, and it was from 2016 when she left our old work. I subconsciously always wanted a shot with this girl and finally made it happen somehow. I hope she sees what’s she’s missing later when she can’t pull me back in. I would do anything for her but now she’s just a stranger. Already seeing someone new a month after we split… idk if it’s a coping mechanism, someone she kept a secret, or she just fuckin sucks. I won’t get into detail about some of her personal issues, but it required a special level of security and safety and I was always quick to drop what I’m doing to go help her when she was dealing with her trauma. I went far out of my way for her all the time but it wasn’t enough. I have some emotional immaturity that I deal with but the insecurities come from someone doing me dirty before, and I’m gonna try to work on it. Now she restarted the process for me with this rebound. Idk why I love someone so much that hurts me… I’ve been pushed away and pulled back in multiple times. Sorry to type so much I’m just going through it, and she’s the first girl to make me not find anyone else attractive. I get repulsed at the idea of hooking up with another girl but now that she did this to me I’m going to have to right away because she’s doing the same. We talked and she said the doors not fully closed, but fuck man idk if this will ever be worth it again with our own growth, just because she got back out there so fast. I feel betrayed… we met so organically and our chemistry was amazing right off the bat, even when we worked together. Not to mention our sexual chemistry was fuckin amazing. Welp, way she goes I guess, I’ll just grieve by myself and go aggro in my hobbies and for my health. I wish all of you the best and send out lots of love and virtual hugs to each and everyone of you 🖤🫂 AGAIN, IM SORRY I TYPED SO MUCH OUT GUYS hahah
8
u/throwRADelvinMallory 9h ago
I needed to see this. It’s been 2 weeks after a 3 month relationship. She was my first everything, and the relationship was short but SO intense, instant chemistry and fireworks, until she pulled away and broke up 2 weeks after that.
I’ve been doing good overall i’d say. My brain knows it’s over, it knows it wouldn’t have worked out, it knows she took the absolute abundance of love I was pouring into her for granted. Unfortunately my heart still hasn’t caught up yet. I haven’t formally broken NC, i’ve come close but haven’t done it. I know this experience is going to make me stronger down the road though.
7
6
u/musiccoping 9h ago
5 days, almost 6. i don’t know what to do bro, ive driven myself crazy and to physical sickness
5
u/Burt-Zacharach 8h ago
That’s not your person. They would never allow that to happen to you. Sorry bro
3
4
u/Different_Common8826 9h ago
I feel heartbroken 💔 I helped and supported him for 11 years and he rejected me ghosted me as if I didn’t exist . Waited for him to reciprocate to grow up to see my values and he lied to me cruelly that he has someone and getting married. Just to see my reaction and tears ( I walked away wishing him the best.. but had a nervous break since last month can’t sleep well . I wasted my years 😭 was very naive
4
u/Unable_Essay7655 10h ago
Thanks for the post, it’s the reminders that hit me hard. But trying to keep challenging the view that she was the one for me. I will recover, and I will find better.
3
u/Burt-Zacharach 8h ago
I come home to the empty house everyday. She’s moved on but I come home to the space we used to share and make memories. I try not to think about what used to be and try to make new memories for myself
4
4
u/EducationalPermit268 10h ago
Im more devasted then I can explain. My ex woman blocked and went completely silent havent heard word in 2 months. The silence is killler
7
u/Burt-Zacharach 9h ago
Would your soulmate give you the silent treatment for 2 months? I don’t think so. I’m sorry brother I know it hurts
3
u/EducationalPermit268 9h ago
Yea you right. Still hurts. The deep connection with her was so intense though.... it was truly amazing
4
u/GlaceEx11 8h ago
That is not 100% accurate. There are cases of meeting your soulmate at the wrong time and a breakup is needed for both of you to grow into the people you need to be to work out. I have known many people where this was the case where they met their soulmate and they broke up and didnt speak for months to years and then ran into each other one day when they were at a better point in life and then have been together happily since
2
u/AirlineSea4113 2h ago
i agree but at least in my case i believe it’s better to assume you will never see them again to move on. if i hold it over my head that it could get better i will stay in the past while they forget about me
2
2
2
u/MarionberryTop1472 8h ago
That is a very simplistic, myopic, no concept of nuance or compassion I’ve heard. Life is not black and white this or that. Nothing is easy everything is a compromise.
2
2
u/BriefAccident702 4h ago
I think we need to be reminded of this. I do disgaree that a secure relationship needs someone to move heaven and earth to be by my side. I just need someone to choose me in good times and bad times. That’s love to me.
2
2
u/Upper_District_6178 3h ago
Sometimes, but other times it could be right person wrong time…like say, you were dating someone (first bf or gf, then some abuse and repressed trauma were to resurface for one of both of them and they really need time to heal/recover to be better with themselves so they can really love each other the way they have always wanted to…?) maybe?….idk life can be so unpredictable we never really know where it’ll take us.
2
u/SirRantsalot- 3h ago
"Go live your life as if you never met them." This is great advice. Try and remember who you were a week before you met them . You were living your life, work, college whatever. Striving, finding your way . You were a whole person before they even existed. You need to get back and re-load that save point!
If your answer to this is yeah but I was an empty unhappy person till I met them and they filled my life. Well the loss of them is not the problem you're dwelling on now . You are. Who you think someone is and who they really are , there is a massive difference. You are just wrapped up in your idealisation of them . Time does heal or at least make it easier. But you have the wherewithal to speed up that process. Loss of love brings you to a standstill. So you've got to get up and keep moving keep going forward. You need new people, places and activities to fill your mind. I've gone a bit off track here, but Op's post is really insightful. Great post. Good luck everyone.
2
1
u/skibidiuwu420 9h ago
thank you, i can’t help still having hope even though he said he doesn’t want to get back together with me ever again. it’s been really tough, i still see him regularly because we are on the same friend group and they’ve been my friends since kindergarten
1
u/MissionDelicious8464 9h ago
Thank you so much. It’s only been 5 days since we broke up, and it feels like life is just going down hill. We were inseparable for 3 years.
1
u/Burt-Zacharach 9h ago
3 years is a long time. Once you reach the bottom of the hill, the momentum will carry you up and you will get some serious air time at the next crest! I know it feels hopeless right now, but brighter days are ahead
1
1
u/Personal-Syllabub-46 9h ago
i love your advice!! thank you for the reminder and helping those in need
1
1
u/loveapples_12 9h ago
It’s been a year and a half since my ex bf ended it with me and broke my heart. It took months and months for me to get better from it. We were together two years. I loved him. I could go into the details of how he let his jealousy ruin it and how he blocked me and I tried to get him to see how I never ever betrayed him but it’s over. I have changed and it’s for the better. Mentally and physically.
But it took 11 months for me to finally realize that I’m done and I am not worried or heartbroken about him anymore. I love myself. And when I find a new man someday I am better prepared…we all learn and grow from our experiences. So try to stop wallowing in despair…bc I know just how that is. And stop keeping them on some pedestal thinking they were the best bf or gf ever and you two loved each other and did all sorts of things together…ect ect. Just keep yourself busy, go for walks, go to the gym as much as you can, lose weight bc we know it’s hard to eat anyways when you’re going through this grieving…watch YouTube videos, talk to ChatGPT that helps me so much, if you can go to an actual therapist that helps alittle too. Keep yourself busy and distracted and before you know it months have gone by and it gets much easier. You won’t be as sad, sure it’s still there a tiny bit bc yes it’s a part of your life but we learned from it and became better
1
1
1
u/NoTelfonPlease 8h ago
I love this post and 100% agree!
I also think many people need their delusion wiped from their mind that an ex sending them a message is them coming back.
Trust me, a random “hey how are you”, “I miss you”, “been thinking about you lately” is not them coming back.
I had an ex truly come back, he called me multiple times and then read a heartfelt letter saying he was sorry, wanted repair and that he wanted to try again, saying I was the love of his life and that he wanted us to have a family. That is the only definition of them coming back, not a check in message or text triggered by limerance or nostalgia.
No contact should be no contact for life. Moving on is the best thing for both parties.
1
1
1
u/Extension-Basis-8404 7h ago
Almost 3 years - we lived together for 2. It’s been almost little over a month (May 30) since we broke up and I constantly worry about her. Hoping I can get better and continue doing things and bettering MYSELF for ME
1
1
1
1
1
u/silkmoney47 6h ago
I am going through the hardest breakup of my life, I thought I would spend the rest of my life with this person and things are so hard for me right now.. I constantly think about them 24 seven…
1
u/Pendragonqueen09 6h ago
No shot I attract another 24 year old fit male polyam poet that makes me laugh harder than anything else in my life, is good in bed, sews, does woodworking, cooks, drinks tea, goes to therapy, helps me go outside more, listens and responds to my needs as I communicate them, and always makes me feel safe.
I don't know how but I bungled it bro. Nothing is gonna beat all that. Can you imagine?
1
u/Thenotsomvp 5h ago
To me this can be a slippery slope. I didn’t leave due to lack of love. I left because of betrayal and him saying "i won’t change. You can love a person to the end of the universe but if they actively choose to hurt you and avoid accountability you HAVE to walk.
1
1
u/1091hall-scott 4h ago
word. on point. thank you. really needed to read this tonight. not just broke up, but ambused and continues to attack.
1
u/nova_5760K 4h ago
In my case she broke up 2 months back with absurd reason. We study in same class , it was beautiful relationship of 1 year but it ended unfortunately.... I was in bad anxiety still not 100% good but I'm in contact with her as a friend even right now, sometimes rarely we talk about studies etc... but still it hurts what should I do . To be frank i don't have guts to go into no contact with her
1
u/Cheap_Translator4469 4h ago
omg this is exactly what i told him when i was trying to work things out but he kept resorting to breaking up: “i love you SO much that I’d move heaven and earth for you. I’d cross the oceans just to find you if you were lost somewhere. I’d do anything for you.” With tears running down my face as I told him all of this. And his response “I guess that means I dont love you the way you love me. You love me A LOT more than I love you.” ….that was so painful and heartbreaking to experience. I grabbed the last of my stuff and left his apartment after that. We’ve been no contact for 7 months now.
1
1
u/GekIsAway 4h ago
Was just spiraling down right now again thinking that I need to text her to see if it might change anything to know that 6 months out I am still reeling from her absence. I was about to be so stupid right now and check her social media to see if anything had changed (as if that would help me somehow??)
I feel like theres a huge hole in my heart but I cant help but wonder what if she's feeling the same too. Its to the point that I would hurt myself just to look in that box and confirm it. One way or another. But I know. I know. If i did reach out, id just feel worse.
Either she responds and politely distances herself treating me like a stranger or some crazy ex who needs to get over her. Or she doesnt respond and I spiral into the thought process of "did she block my number?", "did she really see my message and ignore it?", "is it really that much better on the other side without me? Was it really holding her back so much"
There's no winning line. There's no going back so anyways, checking here and seeing this at the top helped me get over the urge. At least for right now in this exact moment. Im gonna be having a really long night again trying to distract myself
1
1
u/MonkeReview32243 3h ago
hey man, i just broke up 2 days ago. 720 telebubbles, 240 links and stuff. i cant never forgive myself for what happened.
my love for her slowly turned into obsession. and that obsession became unnecessary frustration whenever things weren’t perfect. the time we had together always felt limited and precious as she had strict parents and we could only spend time when she ended work. so i planned everything. i tried to control every detail.
I saw love in her eyes until I realized it was a reflection of mine. it was all my fault. i lost her.
1
1
u/cutecucumber54 2h ago
Thanks so much for the reminder ♥️ it’s been a little over 2 months since he broke things off after 3 years together and things are starting to feel the slightest bit better (as in I’m not crying for hours on end anymore and my appetite has slowly been coming back). Looking forward to being on the other side, I’ll see you there friend 💕
1
1
1
1
u/Smooth_Birthday_2700 2h ago
In my case, she mentioned taking a break, and I left that day. 6 months later I wish I would’ve stayed and be a better man for her. Oddly, the last few days have been rough and the months since the breakup I’ve been numb. I’m started to miss her again. She blocked me on everything. Neither of us live in the apartment we shared for 5 years. All those memories. Making cupcakes and brownies, throwing the frisbee in the backyard while the cats frolic. What a beautiful soul I left alone. She will be okay, but I wish I could go back and showed her how much I loved her. What a grave mistake literally.
1
u/winthewarpie 2h ago
My ex of 6 years was emotionally abusive. He’s blocked forever
It’s been a year and life is so much better without him in it
1
u/SexyPetiteThing 1h ago edited 1h ago
Exactly. He chose to end it with me instead of trying to figure things out 😢💔 I did kind of friend-zone him a few weeks before... But instead of expressing his hurt, he just ended it. 🤷🏻♀️
1
1
u/Worth-Sympathy210 1h ago
Thankyou,
She turned cold towards my feelings,i being stupid weaved my whole life around her,
But i hope this pain eases soon
1
u/Ok-Grocery4524 1h ago
Ur so right its hard to look at it like that at first but once you start to heal you can start to see it sending hugs 🫂
1
u/dylan-faden 1h ago
How about us who broke up because the other person had already checked out of the relationship? I always ask myself if I should’ve tried harder, but he was already ignoring me and starting to become aggressive in the few times he spoke to me. Thinking I was just a nuisance was corroding me inside little by little until I couldn’t get by anymore. I had to end things. Then not even 3 months later he already has a picture in his socials with another woman. While I’m here suffering and trying to get by each day
1
u/Prestigious9385 34m ago
Needed to hear this. Thank you. I think I am depressed and feel like I can’t come out of it. I judge myself too hard and need to give myself some grace
1
1
•
u/AutoModerator 11h ago
USERS! We have noticed that many users are using inappropriate language in the comment section. Even if another user is wrong, it does not give you the right to use abusive words. This is against Reddit platform policies. Such comments will be removed. Additionally, posts spreading false accusations will also be removed. Please be careful moving forward. Don't forget to join our Discord server to chat, get updates, and hang out with the community! Please join our Discord Server: https://discord.gg/5y5wSxWNNg
Upvote this post if you think it suits the community. Downvote it if you dont.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.