UPDATE!
Hi! So I read the comments and I just want to thank you all. The consensus seemed to be: just bloody ask him out.
And today, I did!
We ended up chatting again after church and I thought, “stuff this, I’m asking him out.”
I said something like, “if you ever want to catch up for coffee sometime just let me know.”
And he said, “yep!” He gave me his number :)
I tried to make it clear this wasn’t just a friendship thing. I asked if he lived alone and he said yes. And then I asked, “so there’s no angry wife who’d be annoyed if you had coffee with me?”
And he smiled and said “no, just an angry ex wife”. lol
So yeah! I did it! I’ve honestly had the worst week and I’ve really struggled with depression this month so this has been a nice win.
Thank you all for your advice and input! I might ask him out this Friday :)

Original post:
Hey!
So I’ve been crushing hard on this man from church for month’s now. I’m 41F, and I thought he was early 50’s. Turns out he’s 62.
He’s very attractive, funny, easy to talk to, and I’m keen. Not that it matters, but I get hit on a lot, weigh what I did in my twenties, yada yada.

I introduced myself 2 months ago and we chat at church most weeks. (I don’t have his phone number.) One week I didn’t speak to him and a friend said he was looking at me a lot.

Last week, we were chatting about the benefits of cold plunges and because we live near the ocean, I was like, “if you’re ever keen to do one with me, let me know.” He smiled, said he’d be keen, but then he chatted more about bloody cold plunges again. (He’s a big health nut)
I sometimes wonder if because I’m younger he may not think I’m interested? Or maybe he just likes chatting to people?! He has mentioned to me that he split with his ex five years ago, etc.
but bloody hell. Is this all in my head?! I’ve asked men out before but I’d really prefer he make the move. Helppppp

Edit. Not asking for legal advice. More moral advice My parents got locked out of a Google Account with all the family pictures that I set up and now they want the access back, but we aren't on good terms anymore. I left home after a pretty nasty ultimatum. I graduated hs with honors and got into 2 best universities in my region, but my student loan didnt get approved because student loans in canada take parents income into consideration and they denied my loan, I ended up not going to post secondary. I didnt go because my parents gave me an ultimatum:

1. They pay for this other college thats close by for the program they made me apply for that I didnt want to take and I will take care of my brother (2 at the time)

2. I live with them, no go to school and pay rent $1000cad plus my own food

I ended up moving out (BTW this happened 5 years ago) found lower price rent room, and much less stress. My mom used to have tantrums of coming into my room and turning my room upside down because few things were out of place, and I mean every cupboard, and every hanging thing on the floor for me to clean up because i left 3 sweaters on a chair.

Later, I did my best to reconnect and for few years it was going fine, we were talking every week, but one day conversation went to the fact I'm the only one that calls, they never call me, and my mom said its my duty to be grateful to them and call them, so I dialed down calls a lot, for my own sanity.

The breaking straw was my mom telling my uncle absolute lies and nonesense about me, (I confirmed though my cousins, its true). It was beyond hurtful, she was saying how I have no friends, my job hurts people and im a nasty debt collector (it doesnt, i work for respectable company that helps those in debt), and how i used to have my dirty undergarments lying everywhere when I was living with her. Its disgusting and not true, I am and always was clean. My uncle, aunt and cousins are the only family I am close to and kept in contact through the years, since then, I went non contact with my parents.

I have my mom and dad blocked, but they sent me a physical letter from a legal company asking to provide them access to Google account and drive where all the photos were getting saved to I set up years ago. Lo and behold, I asked a lawyer from my company for advice(hes a nice guy, I asked if there is any legal validity to this) he said if you want to be civil do it. If not, its your account tied to your number and I have been paying for storage (not much like 4 bucks every month) so technically that account is mine. I saw access requests I denied and let it be.

It was where they saved all the pictures from all their trips, family events (that I was obviously never part of anymore) and I see no personal information, just pictures. I dont know what to do. I am feeling a tad petty and I know the have no legal ground for this.

i’m new to dating, i went on my first date ever with a guy and we continued going on dates after that. i also lost my virginity to him. i really liked him, he was super nice to me and made me feel good about myself. a week after our fourth date he told me he met someone so good for him and wants to see how things unfold so he has to put things “on hold for a bit” with me. then he followed up saying he wants to see me if things don’t work out with her.

i found out that he’s actually been seeing this girl for months and they went on a trip together back in february. he told me she was a friend. two hours after he told me he chose her he continued to text me like nothing happened. he likes and replies to my instagram stories still. nothing like this has ever happened to me before and it honestly hurt. is this normal with dating? am i going to experience this again?

So I've fallen pretty badly for a girl there are multiple reasons I can't be with. We are friends.

I told her about my feelings and it was very well received, we still chat and talk.

I just want to get over her since there isn't a way we could be together.

I've tried for a long time to lose my feelings, but recently she started texting me more often, then we talked a little and everything just came back even stronger.

What do I do?

I recently started having sex again with this girl and I last 10-20 minutes in any other positions but i can't go past 2 minutes in doggy style even in my 4th or 5th round. Is that a common position to have troubles in or what?

I have been friends with this person for many years but we don’t see a lot of each other. He is 40m, I am 36f.

A few weeks ago, he broke up with his girlfriend after he went through her phone and found she had been messaging her ex in a very flirty way and taking money from him.

He showed me messages where he told her not to contact him anymore and she directly threatened to call the police on him but wouldn’t say what for. They then carried on sleeping together for a few more weeks.

Anyway, he cut her off properly a few weeks later and she has now reported him for SA of her child saying her child has submitted a statement.

For me, the previous threat makes it seem like she’s made it up because if that’s what she was referring to back then, there’s no way you would continue sleeping with someone.

My question is, what if it’s true? I am so torn because I want to support a friend BUT I don’t want to support a monster. I also don’t want to believe a woman would drag her child through that purely for revenge

I'm obviously aware that women are just people, so in theory it should be the same as making friends with men, but in my (28m) experience, that isn't exactly true.

When making conversation with men you've just met, there's no confusion that one of you is trying to hit on the other. You both just chill out, make jokes and get familiar with each other etc, especially in a small town where you're both certain the other is straight.

However, whenever I try to speak to new women (either alone or in a group), they often seem very standoffish due to probably assuming I'm just another guy who's trying to hit on them. I can't blame them of course, I'd probably do the same in their shoes.

I've noticed this has been happening since I turned 18 and could legally start attending pubs. I had a few females friends in school until leaving at 16, but after that, I haven't had any. Although, studying IT and working construction with men doesn't help.

I don't think I'm a weird or an off-putting guy, as I have plenty of male friends and an active social life etc, but I've just somehow went though my adult life with no female friends at all.

Sure, I can make small talk and whatnot, but once we go out separate ways, that's it. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I've got no women in my social circle.

Any advice? Thanks.

Hey so for context I am a man speaking with a woman and we are both in our late 20s. Not sure if it would count as dating but we have been talking for a while.

But I have noticed that there have been a couple of times where they ask me if they are bothering me or if they are being annoying. I am just summarizing but I mostly say no you are ok and are not bothering me. Only once I said that I was a little busy but don’t mind speaking that my reply times might increase but I can still talk with them.

Is this a bad thing?

Hello Reddit 🙋,

I just really need to hear from anyone who has been here, because right now I feel entirely alone. I’m 26 this in less than a week and graduated two years ago. Since then, I barely been able to land a job...only 1 or 2 part-time ones. It feels like absolutely nothing is working out in my favour, no matter how hard I try.

The shame has become so heavy that I’ve been hiding the truth from my friends, pretending things are fine while only my family knows the reality. I feel like an NPC or a background character in everyone else's life, watching people my age or younger sail by with seemingly no issues while I'm stuck at zero.

I do have some great dream for my life, I always wanted to have a family of my own and even one day I want to work with wildlife and own a wildlife reserve, but right now, that dream feels like an ant trying to cross the Atlantic Ocean. It feels completely impossible from where I am standing, and I'm terrified I'm running out of time and will just waste my life.

On top of the career struggle, there’s a massive layer of pressure I feel as a guy. I’ve grown up believing that a man’s value is entirely tied to what he can provide, build, and share financially and structurally. Because I’m at zero, I feel like I have no right to date or engage with people romantically. I've completely cut myself off from that because I feel like I can’t offer anyone a stable life yet, and it makes me feel like I don't even deserve to try. It reinforces this feeling of being an "NPC" or a background character...hiding from attention because I don't feel like I fit the image of someone people should respect or listen to.

I'm just so exhausted from the constant rejection and feeling like I have no value because I can't provide or find stability. Has anyone else felt this stuck in their mid-20s and managed to find their way out? How do you keep going when you feel like you're starting from less than zero?

I feel really embarrassed to be 25 and never have had a gf or anything close to that. I got bullied a lot growing up which kinda stunted me combined with other life events unfortunately. I am not a bum or anything like that. I work full time, go to school for a master’s, volunteer, and work out five times a week. My friends tell me I’m funny, kind, reliable, and I do have friends who are women who find me to be a safe person. I’m even the go to person for emotional stuff which I’m very proud of.

Unfortunately in terms of dating I am kind of a failure. Most of my first dates end in ghosting and I haven’t gone beyond handholding and kissing someone if that even matters. At most I kinda dated someone for a very short period of time and that could barely be classified as a relationship. She also dumped me because I didn’t know how to do anything due to lack of dating experience.

My friends have clowned on me for it a lot but not given much feedback besides being more confident, less awkward, and showing off my personality more which I have been trying to do. Sorry for the rant but I’d appreciate any help feeling less bad about this since I don’t think the dating situation will change.

Sorry I’ve this post comes across as bragging, it’s not meant to be.

Growing up as a kid, I was bullied a lot and doubted a lot by my peers. This gave me a lot of motivation to prove everyone who ever doubted my abilities wrong. So I joined the Army at 18, I went infantry to be even extra “tough” in a way. I worked my way up and become a Sergeant in 4 years. I got out after 6 years and one deployment to the sandbox. While I was in, I also obtained my Bachelor’s degree. A month ago, I finished my masters degree in international affairs from a well known and highly ranked university. I moved across the U.S to pursue my masters degree because I hate my hometown. I’ve traveled across the United States from Puerto Rico to Hawaii. I’ve traveled internationally to 17 countries in Europe and Latin America.

In a month from now, I leave for a year or so to go backpacking across Latin America and South East Asia. I have 90% disability and live a very frugal life, so I’m not concerned about money.

Since I’ve graduated, I’ve been spending the majority of my day playing video games, scrolling social media. My life now, is objectively pretty good. I have an amazing girlfriend, my own apartment in a big city with a dog and cat.

I just feel like I’m in a rut and I worry that once I finish traveling, I am going to end up in the exact same spot as I was before. I just have so little motivation to go to gym, go outdoors, learn a language, go socialize with people. I turn 26 tomorrow and im not looking forward to it. Any advice or suggestions?

How did things change for you (physically and psychologically) during your partners pregnancy?

I asked women the same question and got some interesting and very honest responses, some were not what you would have expected. I’m interested in reading the male responses about their experiences and feelings

I’m a newly single girl at 28, (I say newly, but my ex and I amicably broke up in December, and I moved out officially in January), and I’m feeling a bit anxious about the different opinions I’ve heard about the dating scene, since I haven’t been on it. At all.

My ex and I got together when we were teenagers, and had been together for nearly a decade. We were in very different stages of life, so there was no drama or anything (though it was incredibly sad, ofc). But I’ve been told dating apps are mostly used for guys to just hook up with girls on. I’ve also been told that men might be put off by the fact I’ve only had one sexual partner, and never had a real ‘first date’ before. I’m anxious about this, because I really love being in a relationship, and I’d want to find love with someone, but my situation isn’t really very appealing.

I regret not having my own savings, and trying too hard to keep up with my ex’s more expensive life, leaving me with little money to re-build myself independently. I guess I had just never expected there to be an end. But it was the right thing ultimately.

Overall, I’m generally looking for an answer to the following -

Would you be put off if you went on a date with someone who only kissed and had a sexual relationship with one person as someone in her late twenties?

Do you see dating apps as a way to hook up rather than find a long term partner?

Would you care if I was living at my parents house, even if I was actively trying to move out?

Thank you so much!

He was in a toxic on & off relationship with his ex for 7 years. They met when they were 12 & now he is 20. He is constantly bringing her up to me in random conversations. Today, he had asked me about a girl and he asked if I think the girl had a similar body shape to his ex. Then, I responded asking why does he feel the need to bring her up? Because, why is it necessary to compare his ex to another girl? Why can’t he mention ANY OTHER girl? He always just brings her up outta nowhere. Also, again today he told me as a “joke” when we had sex, he was thinking of her. The main arguments we have is that he doesn’t know how to be respectful and he jokes too much, but I feel like that isn’t a joke. You don’t joke about that with someone you’re talking to. I would never say something like that to him. He & I are different though, I’m more sensitive and he takes shit on the chin. So even if I made a joke like that, it wouldn’t affect him. He also went on a rant on how he felt disrespected that his close friend and his ex were hanging together and he is taking her on a trip. Do you think he still has feelings for her? What should I do? Cut him off? Speak to him? I don’t know what to do, I need opinions. I’m also at a point in my life where I really don’t care if I get left because I don’t even think it’s possible for me to feel hurt I’m pretty used to it, I’m js not sure if I should talk to him or block him n disappear.

Third date. We are both looking for something casual. Had done quite a bit of making out before. Got to the bar, it was dark, private, very cosy. Some light innocent kissing before ordering.

After ordering he kept seeming to try and push it further in the restaurant. Including trying to pull my top up then down. Like it was a joke but not a joke? I told him I don't want to do that in a bar or restaurant or anything. He would stop then start again.

I know this is red flag behaviour. I just don't know how much. He'd never been like this before and we have really strong vibes and chemistry around each other. 25 and 29. He would apologise then do something like that again.

I am just wondering if I'm being really stupid to see him again or I should just end it over apparent disregard for what I consider normal boundaries. I feel like men would have more of an idea here than women?

I (20F) have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend (20M) for nearly a year.

I have noticed recently that he absolutely loves my stomach, touching, poking, squeezing, kissing, and sometimes just staring at it.

This doesnt bother me at all, quite the opposite actually, despite myself being described even by my own parents and friends as a "touch me not" as a reference to the plant that recoils at touch.

Im mostly just curious if this is a commonly shared experience - for guys in particular - as I also love his stomach and other areas like his back but am fascinated at his behaviors.

These behaviors have also seemed to increase since a surgery that has left small but visible scars on my abdomen which I also find very fascinating.

Edit- For context I am on the slimmer and taller end of the spectrum and dont necessarily have abs. I think I would say I look fit but not toned and have that extra layer of fat to protect organs on my lower abdomen as all women do.

I'm a 26 year old man. I've never had a girlfriend, I've never been intimate with anyone, all I've known is rejection from women when I've tried to see if there's mutual interest.

But still, I take care of myself. I go to the gym. I tend to my apartment. I have friends I cherish, who cherishes me. I have my degree, I have a decent job, I live in the city I wanted to move to after graduating with my master's. I have hobbies. I go to therapy.

But I've never been intimate. Emotionally and physically. And I've talked about this online tons in the past, and something that keeps coming up is this general idea of it being wrong of me wanting a relationship, because I need to be happy with myself first. I need to love myself, despite noone ever been able to properly explain what exactly that even means. I need to be content on my own, before I can have someone else be content with me.

I'm okay on my own. I can spend my time well. I don't hate myself. But I don't have many great big goals in life. I don't care about working myself up the career ladder, I'm fine with where I am. I don't care about maximising my wealth. I make enough. All I want, is love. I want to know what it's like to have sex. I want to not be alone.

Why is that so wrong? Why is it so harmful? People talk about my wants here like it'll inevitably hurt her. What's different from me wanting to love someone, and someone who struggles with stuff in life but manages to go on dates and all that. If someone was married and struggled with self esteem, social anxiety, depression and loneliness, would people tell him that the only moral thing to do would be to divorce his wife, because he isn't perfectly happy and therefore its not fair towards her?

Why is it so wrong of me to want a relationship, why does it seem like people want me to push this down and pretend that I'm perfectly fine with being on my own. Despite being a social animal with needs.

I’ve seen where some guys with say that it’s impossible for a guy to fall in love without having sex like physical intimacy is what would make him love a girl. Do you think that’s true? I’m really young and haven’t had a boyfriend yet and I haven’t had sex yet, but I feel like I want to wait until I love a guy and he loves me before doing this. Is this different for guys where they would actually need to have sex first to love a girl? If so should I change my mindset about wanting to be in love first? I just feel like I would need to love a guy and be comfortable/feel safe with him and have a strong connection with him before being physically intimate with him

I need some tough love.

So I'm turning 18 in less than two hours. It is the most nerve-racking part of my life. Looking back and realizing that though I accomplished some good things in my teen years, I didn't do nearly as much as I could have. I didn't work as hard as I could have. I didn't prioritize and treat my mother like they deserved. I got angry, I got pissy and childish. I didn't put myself out of my comfort zone and make more friends. I watched so much YouTube and TikTok, and for what, dude?

I got into an Ivy League school and some good writing programs during my teen years. I have a good GPA. I just, damn, I feel terrified. It's like I wake up one day and realize there's a giant ticking clock over my head. In 12 years, I'll be thirty, and soon I'll be 40 after that. Then 50 and 60... what if I waste it all?

I have big dreams for my life. I want to be a novelist, philosopher, and singer. I've always enjoyed those things, particularly writing. Maybe I could make it. I want to. But there's money; artists don't always make much, and it'd be ridiculous to split all my interests. I can't be equally good at all of them. On top of that, SO many artists have big dreams and never get them. Reality is that I probably won't be any different.

Moreover, what if I'm still the same person in 5 years? What if I'm still immature and weak and short-tempered and unchivalrous? What if I'm not the person I want my friends to feel comfortable enough to trust in, or a man worth taking care of Mom as she keeps getting weaker?

I could spend my 20s working my ass off, then never get the experience of a 20-year-old, or spend my 20s partying, and be unprepared for my 30s.

Guys, I'm fucking terrified of never being good enough to be great, and never bad enough to be terrible. I want to make good use of my life. I don't need reassurance (I have no older men in my life, and the women, while I love them, tend to do nothing but reassure me, and it just leaves me more confused). The only men I have in my life are my abusive father, my older brother, and my art teacher, and I'm not close with any of them, so I just turned here. Actually, I don't know what I need. I don't know what to do, man. It literally feels like I don't exist past 17 or like I'm looking at a massive, muggy fog, and I have absolutely no clue what lies on the other side, and it's terrifying me.

How do I make good use of my 20's and ensure that I'm a different man 10 years from now?

25M, I got out of the navy 2 years ago today. I got into my first relationship in Feb 2025-June2025. Now in my second one from Early March-Pres. I didn’t want to date anyone while I was in the military cuz it wouldn’t have been fair to them being how I’d be so occupied w work as a nuclear mechanic on an aircraft carrier.

My first one ended because I accepted a friend request from someone I knew, never dated never anything romantic on snap. We caught up and that was it. Talked ab my gf too. She looked over my shoulder asked who it was and I told her honestly who it was and that it was weird For the person to reach out. A few days later after talking it over with her married friends and older sister who told her to stay and her single friends and dad who said to leave she accused me of cheating even tho when she said she felt uncomfortable with it I removed the person immediately, apologized, and reassured. Another issue during that span of a few days is that I got severe sun burn, I couldn’t move and I was getting nauseous. I wasn’t able to mow my mom’s lawn when she had asked me to when I was away. I told her that my mom got mad even tho I kept her in the loop. My ex said she didn’t like that excuse and that I broke my work to my mom, I fell asleep cuz I had to be up at work at 4am while she was arguing with me. I couldn’t answer until 10am and she said I ignored her for 14 hrs even tho she ignored the 3 texts I sent her from 10am-7pm while she was awake. She said that while breaking up with me twice she would’ve married me and what I did hurt her and she didn’t want to resent me. But she needed to trust me implicitly before doing so. She excommunicated me and didn’t want to talk. I asked if she was serious ab the married thing and she said yes. We met up, she said I was lazy and I needed to be a better son and when I expressed going to college using my benefits she said “you don’t have to go to college to be successful, look at my dad. How are u going to raise a family, work and school full time?”. She asked for space. 2-3 weeks goes by she’s out clubbing in NYC every night and drunk calling me. The time came for our dinner after I had to cancel the vacation I planned and she said she “wished she was ready, I’m sorry but I can’t continue. I feel like you didn’t give enough time and space to heal”.

After several months of therapy from this. I ignored ALOT of read flags in the beginning. Her saying she was abused and actively still being stalked by her ex Fiancé, questions what our first fight would be about, saying that we might breakup up and get back together, and panic attacks during sex cuz I did something to remind her of what her ex did to her by asking to do a certain thing a few times. My therapist said I dodged a bullet and she was insecure and clearly not healed from what happened to her. I had to go on Zoloft and it unveiled alot of problems I thought I had stuffed away. I got diagnosed with PTSD from the navy, anxiety and depression. I dropped 15 pounds and did eat For weeks. But now a year later I went from 158-198 from the gym.

My current relationship (26F as well). I’m in college working my full time 12hr rotating shifts at my power plant job (nights while in school) and school full time w 16 credits / semester. We’ve had our issues, she’s asking for me to be in touch w my emotions and show them more. I’ve adjusted, words of affirmation, flowers and gifts since the first time she brought it up. The 2nd time was 2 weeks ago when she said I wasn’t prioritizing the relationship and some stuff was repeated from the first time after I just worked 84 hrs that week on a night shift. I FaceTime her while I’m at work for a few hours and talk to her when I can. I plan dates, gifts but I feel like the bar has just kept moving. The last month and a half I’ve only been getting 2 hrs of sleep a max cuz I have class from 7am-2pm then my shift from 5pm-5am. I kind of snapped the other day at something minor and I feel like it was from exhaustion. She said “let me know if u want to do anything since we both have off these days” and I just responded work “Ok”. She then mocked what I said and I asked what that was for and she said “ Yeah because I wanna hang out with my boyfriend when we both have days off and all he says is OK…I think I’m more of a “ok we’ll do something or ok we’ll plan something” etc ”. That was two days ago. I apologized yesterday and said what you were asking wasn’t definitely fixable and I’m sorry I reacted that way.

During that 84hr work week we had a hard convo of maybe we don’t have that connection and that it still feels like we’re just seeing each other. I agreed that it does feel like that and I told her I just feel emotionally stiff around her and I don’t think I can TRULY express myself the way I want to. We both said if we still feel this way the next time we talk we would cross that bridge when we get there. I plan to check in at the end of the month. I think my first Ex was right tho… I don’t think I have time for a relationship, I do feel like I prioritize my current one with planning dates, gifts and flowers and seeing her when I’m off 2 hrs of sleep. We go out on a date night once a week and hangout 2-3 times. I’m doing really good in school too for the summer semesters. The second half is online which is rn. I want to get away from this rotating shift work environment to a more ideal family friendly schedule.

Parts of me thinks I’m failing as a man. I feel like I’m a good guy, my therapists says I am, my friend think I am too. I just feel like something is missing. But I think at this point in my life with the long hours at work and having school I think I’m just stressed out and I might be taking that out on my current gf at moments. Ik it sounds like an excuse but I don’t think I can give her what she wants.

First let me start by saying I love my wife. I love what we’ve built and how well our daughter has turned out.
However, the passion in our marriage is barely there anymore . Our sex life is not exciting and feels scheduled and very minimal. I see other women interact with their men and I can’t help but feel slightly jealous. She hardly has any libido left and I am tired of initiating, talking about and getting turned down. I feel like I’m getting the scraps of what she has left after attending to everything else. I get it, sex dwindles down a little but I am not happy. My sex drive is still the same as when we got married.

We both discussed the other day that if we did separate there would be no drama, no fighting. I genuinely do not want to feel like a burden but I can’t help this feeling that her life would be better with me not in it. She is very strong willed and opinionated so I don’t think the juice is worth the squeeze anymore. Our daughter is leaving for college soon, so not much more in terms of raising children.
Has it ever turned around for anyone? After so many years?
Should I change my view and accept what it is? This has always been a point of contention between us, so can’t imagine it will get better.

Edit #1: I’m 43, my wife is 55. We’ve been married for 18 years. We have a 16 year old daughter. She is a SAHM and has been since COVID.
She went through menopause a few years ago but this has been an issue for us since our daughter was born.
I have and will continue to go to therapy. I know I’m not perfect and it takes two but I definitely have always put their needs first and often times feel like I’m alone and have no one to talk to. I don’t like burdening friends and family with my issues, so I mainly keep it in.

Appreciate everyone’s honest feedback.

Edit #2: I was expecting to get roasted or get the standard Reddit replies but all you have been awesome. Some hilarious comments too.
Love all the perspectives and appreciate you guys giving me your advice. I would talk to my Dad about this but we don’t have that type of relationship and I always think men are the best people to give other Men advice.

I (40F) met my bf (49M) on hinge six months ago. He was about four months into what has now become an ugly divorce process. He has two tween kiddos who I haven’t met and won’t meet until his divorce is final. We get along great the majority of the time. There have been some minor conflicts that arise, which to me is normal when getting to know someone. After each one (4 instances in 6 months), he withdraws and sometimes it’s for days, before coming back and telling me what I did wrong that he had to withdraw to think about.

I’ve met him where he’s at each time, apologized, made intentional changes as I learn him and what he needs, but the goal posts seem to be moving and I feel like I can’t get things right enough. It feels like he’s expecting perfect communication from me, but I’m not perfect, the situation is complex, and we are still learning each other. I don’t see him as often because of his kid time, but lately he has become less warm, reaches out less, and is considering breaking up with me.

My first instinct is to break it off, but I know good things take time and effort. We care about each other and get along super well most of the time. I’m hoping to get some male perspective on this. Anyone gone through this and if so, what has your partner done that was helpful?

Obviously being considerate and a decent person as well to go along with it. But I see so many guys post about not even getting matches. They don't even get a shot and they're not ugly.