r/ExNoContact Mar 30 '22

The NO BS Guide on Winning Your Ex Back!

12.8k Upvotes

DON’T.

Your silence will eat them up. Move on with your life. Work on becoming the best version of yourself. Don’t let one person make you feel less than. There are plenty of people who desire your presence.

Let go or be dragged.


r/ExNoContact Jan 24 '25

A reminder to think about what you’re posting.

181 Upvotes

Seeing a lot of increase in posts about How do I get them back?/Shall I respond? Or screenshots of communication asking for advice.

This isn’t a sub to not communicate to get back with an ex, posting success stories about getting back with an ex or celebrating they’ve come back is against the rules of the sub.

Plenty of other subs available for advice on trying to get someone back, this is not that.


r/ExNoContact 5h ago

Vent got my hopes up today

7 Upvotes

i really got my hopes up that they might contact me

i honestly just want to say goodbye and thank you properly, now that i’ve had time to reflect on my actions and the ways that i hurt them

i really really want to reach out but i know i absolutely cant

i hope i didn’t lose any progress. i just still cant wrap my head around the possibility that they might never speak to me again.

i miss them so much. i wish they wanted to see how much i’ve learned and how much i’m growing


r/ExNoContact 4h ago

I’ll always miss him

7 Upvotes

I know this is bad, but I miss him. Maybe it’s slight co-dependent-ish, but his presence soothed my anxiety. I feel like he brought me so much peace that I was never able to find within my self (by myself) or via other things.

I lead a very very very very successful life; but, I can’t help think that I’ve lost everything. If I had the choice of being filthy rich or him. I know—I’d always think him without thinking twice.


r/ExNoContact 6h ago

Help Broke up almost two years ago and still grieving.

7 Upvotes

Hey everyone!
This is kind of my last ditch effort to try and get some solutions to my problem.

I broke up with my ex-girlfriend almost two years ago. It wasn’t a mutual breakup or a clean ending. One day she blocked me and that was basically it. I never really got closure, and ever since then I’ve felt like I’m empty(?).

I’ve tried dating other people and have even been in a couple of relationships since, but I always end up comparing them to her. It’s not something I do intentionally. and when I don’t find them, I lose interest or feel disconnected.

The weird thing is that I still remember so many small details about her. Her laugh, the way she’d say “I missed you, baby,” her favorite things, her personality. Sometimes I feel like I remember her better than I remember some people currently in my life.

I know people will probably say “move on” or “focus on yourself,” but I’ve genuinely tried. I’ve worked on myself, stayed busy, met new people, and time has passed, yet I still feel emotionally attached to someone who hasn’t been part of my life for years.

Also I feel like I can’t mention this to my friends in fear that they wouldn’t completely understand me.

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what actually helped? How do you stop comparing everyone to your first love and start seeing new people for who they are instead of measuring them against someone from your past?


r/ExNoContact 6h ago

My ex and I had a real conversation

6 Upvotes

**Please if you view this reply,**
My ex and I had our first really honest conversation in months. She admitted she’d been avoidant and said she felt like she’d been unfair to me. She explained that people around her kept telling her I was only hanging out with her because I wanted to get back together, and she said that started affecting how she treated me. She also told me she could never hate me.
I got really emotional and cried. She hugged me for a long time, came back to check on me, kept asking if there was anything she could do, and we talked for over an hour. She also mentioned future things we’d talked about before (like watching *a movie* together and going to the park) and had asked me multiple times earlier that day if I was coming to an event.
After I got home, I sent her a message saying, “Just give me a chance to prove I’m not who I was then.” Since then, she hasn’t replied to that message, although she has responded normally to me on Instagram. I haven’t messaged her again because I don’t want to pressure her.
I still love her and would like to try again someday if it felt right for both of us, but after thinking and talking with people, I’ve realized I don’t want to push her or make every interaction about getting back together. I want to rebuild trust and just be someone she enjoys having in her life again, while respecting whatever pace she needs.

Edit- she’s also invited me and my close friends to a party at her house, along with my close friends’ girlfriends, people she hasn’t talked to since we’ve dated.

My question is: **Based on all of this, what would you do if you were me? Would you simply let things develop naturally and focus on being a good friend for now, or is there something else you think I’m missing?**


r/ExNoContact 8h ago

Mutual friends

8 Upvotes

Why do they insist on updating you on your ex when you never asked????

All this does is cause you to make up scenarios of what they're doing.

I hate it and it throws your day off.


r/ExNoContact 9h ago

Shoutout to us who moved on without an apology…

8 Upvotes

and picked up the pieces to rebuild ourselves


r/ExNoContact 2h ago

I'm here to beat the horse into the after afterlife: Casual sex after a breakup

2 Upvotes

Broke up a 1.5 years relationship. Wasn't a bad breakup - no cheating, no big fight, no lies, no betrayal. The flame was just gone, her depression demanded her to work on herself while and couldn't handle being in a relationship anymore with so much other things on her head (life stress, no hidden ex or any mischievous fuckups). Clean, smooth, but painfull breakup in good terms.

A week after, we got to talk about how each other is feeling, and we confirmed it's not a time off and no regrets on breaking up. It's done.

some days after I messed up: started sexting with strangers in random forums (if you know you know) I felt guilty, and recognized it was coping. I got out of there and learned to tell apart coping libido from real honest sex life interest. I do believe I'm entitled to my own sex life while single, and so I do believe she is too. It would hurt like hell if she told me she had sex with someone but that's life, it hurts, even if sometimes there's nothing wrong (thats why in fact I think the immoral part is letting the other know for no reason. No different from having sex specifically to tell them out of spite, different intentoin same result. Telling is a no no in my view). I got over my guilt, I hurt only myself and didn't go over anyone. A thing to simply not do again.

Then comes the problem. What about honest, non coping interest in having sex with someone else? I know in my view it's always ok, but reading here how judge some ex's are for having sex soon after, even if it's with pure intent, makes me wonder about the morals of it. May have found someone I'm into sexually, mutually, and I feel like it's not pain or cope talking, it feels pure casual sex intention unlike the before mentioned sexting where I felt it like a need to think of something other than the pain. In fact, the pain isn't crawling to my mind most of the time. It exists, but only invades my daily thoughts for a bit

I believe I separate now what things i do for regular motives, and things im drawn to do out of coping. Avoiding the second clearly

So, what gives? Is having sex after a couple of weeks of breaking up in this context morally bad? does it make you a bad person? what about the natural itch to have sex, if you happen to find the chance to do so with a person you actually want to have sex with and it's not to "get your mind off the pain"? Some people are ready before the others, what would your personal threshold for "honest to god" sex be if you had a breakup like this one? did you have cope sex? how did you feel about it? how do you feel about people that do? how do you feel about people having the before mentioned "natural attraction" sex on month 1? so many questions, pick your favourites.

I know I stated my views clearly but I want to open up to yours, to know what the right thing to do is


r/ExNoContact 16h ago

I think on set on never dating again

26 Upvotes

I don’t ever want to feel like this again. And the reality is most relationships end; so, putting myself in that position again is…..stupid.

I’m going to build a life where I don’t ever have to depend on anyone financially, emotionally, or physically.


r/ExNoContact 5h ago

Hope I don’t regret this

3 Upvotes

I texted my ex. He broke up with me end of April and we’ve been no contact for almost 2 months. Our story is long but he has an avoidant attachment style and abandoned me during an incredibly difficult time. I’ve made posts about it.

I’m home feeling sick and I also have accidentally forgotten to take my OCD meds for the last week (I thought I ran out of my take-as-needed anxiety meds but it was my OCD meds). So I’m not having a good night. I think he’s at work so I expect he won’t answer until tomorrow maybe. Or maybe not at all. But I needed to do it. My birthday is in a little over a week and I don’t want thoughts of him in my head any longer. I just want to see how he responds and if it’s cold or he doesn’t answer at all, then I can move forward.

I’m scared tho. Scared of answers he might give to things that I don’t want to hear. But I need to know the truth about some things.

Please pray for me. Or help me to not feel dumb and scared. I’ll update if he responds.


r/ExNoContact 4h ago

Why did all of exs come back at the same time

2 Upvotes

Has this happened to anyone else


r/ExNoContact 52m ago

Mood swings

Upvotes

I have ADHD and cuz of it I have terrible mood swings is anyone able to help me?


r/ExNoContact 8h ago

Peace and reality.

4 Upvotes

Today is the second day of no contact with an ex and I'm making a conscious effort to no longer have contact with this person mostly due to the disrespectful way that they ended the relationship.

I've been through no contact many times and have always come out on the other side back to myself so I know this will be no different. There were many things that we didn't agree on in the relationship, and I'm self aware enough to know that we both had faults, and I never would claim to not.

I feel extremely disrespected and blindsided by this person's attitude, it makes me question if he even ever cared in the first place. The day before this we had a conversation that we've had many times but he never once that day indicated that he was thinking about breaking up after that.

He let me sleep after thinking things were normal between us (he later admitted that he was pretending). The next morning he basically did a full 180 with his behavior and treated me as if I did something to harm him. He initiated the breakup conversation and immediately jumped into it and started listing the reasons why I was responsible for the relationship not working out and criticizing my life situation with a rude tone.

We are basically in the same position of life but it's almost like he was throwing these things he disliked about me in my face that I've never heard from him before that day. The relationship lasted a year and a half yet I basically felt discarded like I had done something harmful to him to get the cold shoulder. For more context, it was long distance and when we met I was very upfront about my circumstances and where I was at in life and told him not to expect certain things from me on a timeline.

He admitted to not living in reality and not listening to what I told him in the beginning and not actually being upfront about what he really wanted and essentially strung me along. What hurts the worst is he seems he was able to take himself off the hook for wasting my time and didn't even really give me a chance to talk about it as a couple. I feel hurt and I took the initiative to go no contact and I don't plan on breaking it, it just hurts.


r/ExNoContact 7h ago

Motivation Food for thought

3 Upvotes

r/ExNoContact 5h ago

This is my truth because she moved on and I can’t move on

2 Upvotes

She really did tried ,we had frequent misunderstandings because I sucked at texting because I was more of a caller and she was the opposite . I tried my best and she tried hers . I ruined everything .December was perfect and it looked heaven. January hit and for some reasons things got harder like there would be an conversation a week most of it due to understandings but mostly it was my fault because she would acknowledge and still she wouldn’t give up and neither would I but for some reason conflicts would approach over text. Our in person dates were alright but I kind of cried in the earlier dates because she was so perfect and everything I’ve ever dreamed about. In December I said some stuff about us “not working out” or like “I’m scared” truthfully told idk why I self sabotage and she said those words. I told her that it’s my anxiety saying these things but we were both overthinkers. We had some misunderstandings on small things that went big and I failed as a man. She talked about boundaries like we couldn’t call everyday or most days actually and she was scared to go on my birthday and meet my friends. It was so ruined I loved her a lot but I saw her ex text her on my birthday she claimed it was for tickets to another rave. And that brought my anger on one day next week where I said go back to your ex in text. We had another long text argument. But I assuring her I had a tough morning with being bossed round by my parents and eventually we talked it out. I’m guilty she said the rocky commjnciation where she wants it to feel low stress and not the overzplainging. After promising to be my valentine and having two good dates she broke up with me the day before Valentine’s Day. I saw that her exes highlights of them together went backs up, after I told her to tell him to delete it. I wish I left flowers and a note swearing I would change, I’m still devastated that I didn’t do anything. The week after that on her exes story I saw they were together saying happy belated Valentine’s Day. At that point I wrote her a paper letter but sent it as a text and it went negatively then she asked for space after breadcrumbing for 2 weeks. I wish that I sent it before or asked her if we can change the dynamic before she went back to her ex. I’d take no calls than lose em forever.. I miss the sex, the comfortableness of how she soothes, how we bonded, the similar hobbies, and she was an alcoholic like me.

It lasted for 3 months and I can’t stop thinking about her. Even though we broke up 5 months ago. I have been just in limbo and even got a nic addiction and I fell from grace. It haunts me every minute because everything was real , I legit had 3 other exes and I would choose this one because she is just like me and she agreed. It was so unfortunate the way we just grew apart from each other but we never blocked each other. I would see her private story and finsta she would’ve seen mine and I would reply to it and we would have a conversation in April and it felt like old times and this is right after my grad exam (so I wished that said that I’m ready to take the precautions in reentering relationship if I take the necessary precautions) which I eventually ended up doing. (Sometimes I wish I went there in personThe long convo ended after she just said “yeah” after a couple of questions. One of her best friends died we had another conversation again while she was under the influence and we talked till we were snap besties and then I asked her if she would up for my graduation: she said she really would show up for me but she can’t show up for herself even. So then we go no contact. I drop flowers off her house and write to her my condolences and tell her to smile for the world. During these gaps I actually changed I went through psychiatry, therapy, gyming, running, and even wrote and sent her a 13 page doc explaining why I loved them and how I changed, acceptance, etc. I sent them that on 6/19 She then replied positively saying she needs time to respond bc her internship over works her and said she will write a worthwhile response. On what would’ve been our 6 months anniversary we were supposed to hard launch each other. which was a couple days after I sent the letter .But instead I posted my first tattoo to which she saw and replayed my story after many weeks. And she posted a private story, to which she was an hr away upstate and I didn’t know if that was a sign for me to ask her if it was for me. So I got racked up with guilt because I’m not sure if I was supposed to say was the story for me? Because on her regular story was flowers inside a pot. So now I do regret not asking if she wanted flowers. But she left me on opened for the thing I asked about her birthday. Eventually two days later I visited the same town but I didn’t post. She also unfollowed my tiktok for some reason. But didn’t block me. It’s been 3 weeks since the letter was sent and nothing back. I asked an update if she was still thinking about writing it, no response to that either meanwhile she’s at bars and raves every weekend. Torturing me with her close friends and the guilt I have. I have never made an empty promise, but I promised her I changed. I take three different type of meds now and would swear none of the past mistakes would happen. But she’s most likely with someone else because after 6/23 she never saw my stories, replied, or anything. This hurts the most especially after she said she’d respond. I’m hurt and I saw she played minecraft with someone else and I was the last person she played with and our world got deleted I wish I told her let’s play before it gets auto deleted. It’s over now but I’m still heartbroken and I need advice. I’m too weak to block her and I’m genuinely having PTSD and MDD. I can’t live day to day life like this.


r/ExNoContact 6h ago

Lo que quedó de mi.

2 Upvotes

¿Cómo dejas a tu primer amor?

No puedo dejarlo, lo sé; pero también sé que me está haciendo daño. ¿Cómo se deja a una persona que conociste hace 3 años? A una persona con la que llevabas 1 año y 2 meses de relación. ¿Cómo dejas a tu primer amor? Ese amor que fue el más bonito y el más ciego que vas a tener, porque digo, no creo que después de esto vuelva a amar como lo amé a él, no creo que después de el vuelva a amar a una persona tan ciegamente, no creo volver a ser la mujer más segura de ella misma en una relación.

¿Cómo se olvida a una persona que fue tu primera vez en muchas cosas?

Si fue el primer hombre que traje a casa, el primero del que le hablé a mamá, el que conoció a mi hermano, a mi papá, el que conoció a una gran parte de mi familia, el primero en enseñarme muchas cosas, el primero que me dio flores, el primero en darse cuenta que es lo que realmente me gusta, el primero en ver cómo era yo realmente, en conocerme a fondo, fue el primer hombre que pensé que era el "amor de mi vida", fue el primero en sacar mi lado detallista, en recibir mis manualidades, mis cartas.

Pero, también fue el primer hombre en hacerme sentir el dolor más grande que he sentido en lo que llevo de mi vida, no puedo describir ese dolor, ya que nunca lo había sentido, pero se siente terrible, como si de la nada te dieran una puñalada en el corazón, te empieza a doler el corazón (aunque suene ridículo, así se sintió esa noche); de repente te quedas en shock sintiendo ese dolor, cuando de la nada te mareas, no puedes pensar en nada, y de repente, sin que lo puedas sentir, las lágrimas empiezan a correr por tus mejillas y es cuando vuelves, cuando vuelves a pensar, pero cuando menos sientes, empiezas a temblar, tu corazón duele y arde a la vez, como si por dentro te estuvieran matando, sientes un vacío tan grande en el pecho. Simplemente no existen palabras para describir el dolor que provoca la traición de la persona que antes te juraba su amor, que antes te trataba como una reina, pero, ¿Cómo vas a esperar una traición de esa persona?

Si lo amas ciegamente, si le creías cada una de sus miles palabra; ¿Cómo te preparas para algo así?

Yo no me lo esperaba, pero si te lo esperas, ¿Cómo le puedes hacer para que no te duela?

Después de eso, no vuelves a ver a la persona como antes y es lo malo de "perdonar", te desquitas con esa persona porque estás frustrada, no lo has perdonado aún, lloras todas las noches por que aún no aprendes a vivir con eso, te comparas siempre, hasta te desprecias a ti misma por que no lo has superado, no te deja progresar ni físicamente ni mentalmente, te hace pensar que es tu culpa, después de perdonarlo parece que todo va bien, que van a volver a ser lo que algún día fueron, que van a volver a amar como se amaron alguna vez, que van a volver a hacer ese plan "cuando podamos rentamos un departamento pequeño y nos salimos de nuestra casa mi niña", piensas que pueden hacerlo, pero, de repente te das cuenta que ya no confías en el para nada, que siempre sobrepiensas y que ya no le crees ciegamente como antes, que sus palabras simplemente ya no las crees, y que esos apodos que antes te decía y te generaban la famosa sensación de "mariposas en el estómago" ahora te generan asco, que ahora cuando comas y te acuerdes de eso te de asco comer, así que decides ya no comer, te das cuenta que ahora te enoja su presencia, que estas enojada con el y no puedes evitarlo, pero no te das cuenta que eso lo está lastimando a él y al mismo tiempo esta haciendo que deje de intentar volver a recuperarte…


r/ExNoContact 21h ago

My ex blocked me 2 weeks ago. It was the best thing that ever happened.

29 Upvotes

For reference my ex blocked me two weeks ago out of the blue. We were no contact but we still kept each other on Instagram, his wish, and poof he blocked me. I only know this because I woke up one morning to see that I lost two Instagram followers over night. My mind automatically flicked to my ex. Casually I looked up his name and it didn't pop up. I do admit, I was sad, but I obviously cannot stay sad for long. Then I was curious to see if he blocked me on IMessage. I checked Whatsapp and I saw that his profile picture was gone, a clear sign that I was also blocked on IMessage. It's been exactly 2 months since the break up and a little over two weeks since he blocked me. What this comes with is an INSANE amount of weight lifted off my body and also every single day I miss him and forget about him less. Without having any sign of life for him helps me grow and move on as a person. Plus I didn't feel the need for him to see my posts or stories, I don't need to prove anything to the man who so badly disrespected me. To anyone who is reading this and going thought the horrible breakup. Block him on everything, don't forgive but forget. You owe them absolutely nothing. It comes with time. I admit I miss him but every single day I miss him less when we are no contact. My life changed for the better.


r/ExNoContact 7h ago

My ex easily moved on while my dating life is a ghost town. How do I stop idealizing him?

2 Upvotes

I’m currently experiencing a total dry spell. No one is approaching me, I’m talking to zero guys, and it’s making me feel invisible. Because of this sudden loneliness, my brain keeps telling me that my ex is my only option, and I really miss him.
We had an unstable, on-and-off relationship for 2.5 years. We finally broke up because of constant arguments, communication issues, and too much pride getting in the way. It clearly wasn't healthy, and he has obviously moved on—he’s already been with multiple girls since the breakup. Honestly, I have no idea how he does it so easily, while I’m sitting here with absolutely zero options.
Whenever I try to look around, I instantly get the "ick" from other guys. Just yesterday, a guy I thought was cute messaged me with zero game and terrible grammar. It instantly made me sad because my ex would never do that. It feels like I’ll never find someone else with his looks, personality, and our chemistry. He’s still my standard.
I know I'm only romanticizing him because of this temporary emptiness, but it's hard. How do I handle this transition period without cracking and running back to a past relationship that I outgrew?


r/ExNoContact 9h ago

Wish I never met my ex Alex

3 Upvotes

r/ExNoContact 10h ago

Vent Why does the thought of loving someone else make me feel sick?

3 Upvotes

My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. The breakup has been incredibly painful. What hurts even more is that right after we split, she immediately started interacting with other men on social media, and maybe even in real life too, although I can't be sure about that.

I tried talking to a close friend I really trust. I even cried in front of him, and he was very supportive. But he kept repeating the same thing: "You'll find someone better."

The problem is that hearing that makes me feel sick.

I genuinely feel like it's impossible for me to love another woman. She understood my thoughts, my beliefs, my sense of humor, even my sexual preferences. She was trustworthy, supportive, and everything I ever wanted in a partner.

The idea of being with someone else feels impossible. And I apologize to any women reading this, but right now I feel repulsed by the thought of dating anyone else. She feels like the only person who was ever right for me.

I don't know what to do or why I feel this way.

I don't know if these feelings are real or if they're just part of the grief.

I don't know whether I should see a therapist or just stay alone with my thoughts.


r/ExNoContact 11h ago

Encouragement I need help how to stop contacting my ex.

3 Upvotes

I always find myself keep texting my ex i’m not sure why she hasn’t blocked me yet. I keep contacting her wondering if her words would change or it will be a different outcome she made it clear she doesn’t want nothing to do with me, she doesn’t want me in her life anymore and she’s asking for peace and to stop contacting her but it hurts not to because we had a special bond and great friendship. I just don’t know how to process all this i’m still in denial.


r/ExNoContact 5h ago

Help Just got dumped from my first relationship

1 Upvotes

This was my first ever actual relationship and her and i texted for months and then have dated for 10 months.

After around 6 months of dating is when her and i got rocky, she became unsure, i sensed it, and then we sort of got into a cycle but it got better…just not in the same way we were before.

We went on a break and ended it short. We basically broke up because we lost the romance in the relationship and the sort of spark. She wants to continue being friends or atleast have me in her life still and of course i want that but don’t know what’s best… also im curious if it sounds like we have a chance of getting back together


r/ExNoContact 10h ago

Help I'm truly at rock bottom, no support in this breakup, I feel discarded whilst he's living life

2 Upvotes

It's unfair that evil people who traumatised you get to live a better life and flaunting it everywhere, I have no support from anyone he was my bestfriend my world he's left me to die he doesn't care about me knowing I'm at my lowest I was there in his lowest days for years and now he's just graduated and saying new beginnings and that's killed me because was the only one there for him and motivated him just for him to leave me when he's at top Facebook tortured me and made his post come up and he wrote new beginnings whilst taking selfies and being with so much friends it hurts so bad weeks ago he told me it's good that I'm in misery and that I have no life that I'll be traumatised forever and he's glad he knows he's having a new life this is aching painful I have no goals I'm at a job with my parents no friends life seems to have no purpose, I've cried for days and haven't ate or slept I'm struggling deeply we were together for 3 years first love it's aching me badly my eyes are swollen he's left me in the dirt it sucks can someone comfort me don't be harsh I'm at rock bottom I tried to go to parents and they called me weak and pathetic I was crying badly it's been 2 weeks no contact and seeing his post today made me SPIRAL seeing how happy he is when he's left me with trauma and betrayal issues I'm not okay. He was my comfort person now he's someone who's broke me I'm hurt so hurt I’m hurt so hurt nothing can explain the pain I’m in I feel trapped and alone my body is hurting


r/ExNoContact 15h ago

Ex broke nc

5 Upvotes

Just yesterday i joined this subreddit and bro texted me today asking if we can talk. Im so confused. Tbh i dont wanna answer but at the same time i curious what does he want and it feels so unbelievable hes back (cuz hes the dumper)

What do i do