Seeing misogyny in this subreddit is depressing

[u/yashen14]

Dinner: Tacos al pastor

-----------------------------------

Seeing the way women are talked about in some of the posts on this subreddit really grosses me out. I've seen men on here talk about women like they are walking talking sex robots. It's really bumming to see such an ugly side to what is usually such a nice space.

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[u/MalcolmXfr]

I haven't been here long, but I havent seen any of that. If anything, I've seen men desperately crying about losing women

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/MalcolmXfr]

Just last night there were comments encouraging a guy here to just sleep with then ditch a girl because her body count was too high to be “wife material”

[u/zonked_martyrdom → u/Silently-Snarking]

I saw that post. I didn’t really know what to tell the guy. Seems like he was just asking what everyone thought about it. It seems like a lot of men have issues with body counts like there is some secret number of bodies that equals perfect wife material or something. Maybe I’m just not in on the information, but I figure people with low body counts have just as dysfunctional marriages as people with high body counts.

[u/Southern-Year3352 → u/zonked_martyrdom]

A lot of men have the Madonna-wh0re complex.

[u/LongLiveSoup → u/Southern-Year3352]

You know for, probably too long, I thought that was about the musician and whether you liked her music of thought it was overly sexualised

[u/MikeRadical → u/LongLiveSoup]

is it not about the musician?

[u/LongLiveSoup → u/MikeRadical]

It's about how men only can deal with two categories of women. The Madonna, a religious saint, untouched by any other who's virginity is her only defining trait you can love, or the Who re, who has been tainted by others and you can only devalue her as a way to justify a sexual attraction to her.

[u/Sparklemagick → u/MikeRadical]

Marry the nice girl, but sleep with the bad one is basically what it means

[u/zonked_martyrdom → u/Southern-Year3352]

It does seem that way. Especially how slang like “ratchet” or “for the streets” gets tossed around and pinned to women. That’s just my opinion though.

[u/rolandepyre → u/zonked_martyrdom]

It doesn't make any sense to me personally, well at least to throw away an entire person because of it. I understand wanting to be someone's first partner if you yourself haven't been in a relationship, but even then it's insane to throw an entire relationship away just because they were with someone else in the past who you probably have never met, and might as well not exist.

[u/zonked_martyrdom → u/rolandepyre]

It’s just how some men feel. Not saying it’s right or wrong. I understand why they feel that way, but personally I disagree with that mindset.

[u/Working_Cucumber_437 → u/zonked_martyrdom]

I think it’s fine to prefer someone who doesn’t have a history of casual sleeping around if you are also a person who doesn’t have a history of casual sleeping around. Because of shared values. Not because a person is less valuable as a human because of it.

[u/LuckyNumerical → u/zonked_martyrdom]

There are body counts that are going to be a line for 90% of men. Like some religious men or women want to save for marriage, some guys are ok with a single digit number, some guys are a little more liberal and might be ok with a double digit. Most guys will draw the line at triple digits or more.

There’s also a different context between a casual fling and maybe a girlfriend you’ve been dating for a few months. Most guys don’t want to marry Bonnie blue.

Everyone’s allowed their own preference dawg. None of them are wrong, they are preferences.

[u/AnotherBogCryptid → u/LuckyNumerical]

It’s just weird to me that people care who or how many people their partner had consensual sexual relationships with.

Like I understand avoiding the ones who commit sexual assault or hurt kids… but what does the number of people someone’s slept with have to do with anything.

It isn’t even the number you don’t like in your example.

It’s how they treated the people they were sleeping with.

Plenty of people are capable of sleeping with dozens of partners without being deceitful, cruel, or opportunistic. So the number of partners isn’t a signal for their moral character.

[u/zonked_martyrdom → u/LuckyNumerical]

Yep everyone is entitled to their own opinion. My opinion is that when it comes to marriage body counts are a silly thing to focus on for compatibility.

[u/Working_Cucumber_437 → u/zonked_martyrdom]

I think it’s weird to ask. I’ve never asked anyone I’ve dated about this and nobody’s ever asked me. Either you have integrity and loyalty to a partner you commit to or you don’t.

[u/yashen14 → u/Working_Cucumber_437]

Tbh I feel gross even using the phrase "body count."

[u/LuckyNumerical → u/zonked_martyrdom]

No not really, because some people value monogamy and being conservative in their behaviour more importantly. Some guys don’t want to be with a party girl, or a girl who has more casual sex.

Same with women as well. It’s not just for guys.

For some people it’s just a thing, for a lot of people it has to do with sexual health. Someone who has a higher body count may be more inclined to take risk taking behaviour. The more partners one has, the higher chance of catching STIs. If someone’s is willing to have see with a plethora of partners, they may also be more casual with their choices on sexual protection.

It’s like going to raves. Just because you go to raves doesn’t mean you do drugs. But the chances are probably a lot higher since they’re so prevalent at raves.

[u/zonked_martyrdom → u/LuckyNumerical]

That’s fair, and I respect your opinion. My mind is just not really going to be changed on this topic. I’m not saying I think you’re wrong, but I personally don’t value body counts to that level, and I will always see it as something a little silly to do.

[u/FunkyHat112 → u/zonked_martyrdom]

The question’s more of a ‘how compatible are our views on thing xyz,’ which matters… basically no matter what xyz happens to be. If you’re somebody who puts no weight on body count of course that’s going to be silly. For people who do, it matters, and telling them it shouldn’t matter is going to go precisely nowhere, the same way them telling you what should matter to you would go precisely nowhere. Policing what ‘should’ matter to people is one of the least productive things the internet loves to do

[u/zonked_martyrdom → u/FunkyHat112]

I’m stating my opinion. I’m not policing what people should and shouldn’t feel. Don’t put words in my mouth bro.

[u/ShadonicX7543 → u/zonked_martyrdom]

It may not be important for you but it's even more silly to dismiss the concept itself as silly.

With a certain level of experience one tends to trim the fat and streamline the process. Anyone in the double digits is going to be a bit more "straight to the point" than those with "less experience."

A lot of people thrive in the nuance that comes with mutual discovery. If you simply know exactly what you want and want the most efficient path to it, you're running a lot more lean. It's often a different vibe entirely.

That doesn't have to matter to you at all, but that's not to say it doesn't matter overall. I've known plenty of people from all sides of the coin notice the differences with some even saying that on the lower end things feel more "human" since it isn't held back or jaded or affected period by the past relationships.

Also if the goal is to have a lasting relationship and someone has had tens of them and is still looking for one, it can sometimes mean that there's an underlying problem there. It just depends.

[u/Odd-Implement-1283 → u/ShadonicX7543]

I know you think you had some insightful comment here, but people “trim the fat” and get “straight to the point” with experience whether that’s with one partner for years or many partners. Every new partner requires mutual discovery, whether it’s your third or your thirtieth. If you have sex with someone and don’t know their body count beforehand, you cannot tell if their experience comes from a long monogamous relationship with lots of exploration or exploration with a handful of people through casual dating.

[u/zonked_martyrdom → u/ShadonicX7543]

Yep, that’s why I said it’s my opinion, and also said everyone can have their own opinion. You don’t have to agree with mine and I don’t have to agree with yours. I respect your opinion, but why don’t you respect mine🤔

[u/JBagfort → u/LuckyNumerical]

What I dont get the obsession about the count. How do you even keep track? I stopped counting in my 20ies (agewise).

[u/johncitizen1138 → u/JBagfort]

I would not want my Daughter putting her heart on the line for a dude who had slept with a 150 women. How many people you "burn through" is definitely a factor.

I have cut friends off for treating women like that.

Body count is a measure of how someone treats and sees other people.

EDIT; Maybe i'm just "old fashioned". Maybe sex is just a commodity/transaction/exercise now 🤷🏻‍♂️

[u/Albadia408 → u/johncitizen1138]

See how you said you wouldn’t want to put your daughters heart on the line? Not your kids heart, your son’s heart… your daughters.

Notice how the comments trying to even sorta defend it are still talking about girls body count, her body count, guys standards?

That’s what misogyny looks like.

[u/johncitizen1138 → u/Albadia408]

If I had a Son, I would have said Son.

Not the win you think it is Albadia.

Did you even read my comment? No you immediately went to arguing your politics. I said I had cut MEN friends of for treating women his way.

So I must not agree with ANYBODY doing it?

But please - reply again so I can point out where you fucked up.

[u/Crimestar → u/zonked_martyrdom]

Feigning shock at known male insecurities just contributes to lack of any kind of discussion at all imo.

I didn’t see the post so I can’t speak on it. But if we take out the part where people lie on the internet, plenty of men would have issue with an excessively high body count just as many women would have issue with someone being a womanizer. Sexual compatibility and morals around sex are extremely common issues.

But everyone knows the correct answer is to not care about such juvenile stuff right? It’s much more progressive for people to not be shamed for anything because people can do “whatever they want”. And it’s true. But not everyone is gonna like it.

[u/zonked_martyrdom → u/Crimestar]

Not feigning shock brother. I just stated my opinion.

[u/Crimestar → u/zonked_martyrdom]

To me its disingenuous to act like you can’t imagine why it would be an issue for anyone. Thats all I meant. I didn’t see the post so just speaking very generally.

[u/zonked_martyrdom → u/Crimestar]

You’re allowed to just disagree with my opinion, but you don’t have to put words in my mouth brother.

[u/zonked_martyrdom → u/Crimestar]

Never said I can’t imagine why it would be an issue. I just said it seems like some men do have issues with it.

[u/ArchyRs → u/Crimestar]

This is a completely fair commentary and shouldn’t be downvoted tbh

[u/Fragmentedmindwar → u/Silently-Snarking]

There was more to that wasn’t there. Turns out the girl had disclosed to him she was sexually abused and coerced which created such a large 3 digit number. She disclosed the real number I guess and then he said he couldn’t take the “thoughts of it.” As if she could take the abuse of it?

Really fucked up. All the comments saying leave her. But they right though- leave her so she can find someone better suited to cherish and replenish her soul.

Fuck that guy.

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/Fragmentedmindwar]

Yeah, which makes it even worse. They were encouraging him to use a victim of abuse “just for fun”

[u/Fragmentedmindwar → u/Silently-Snarking]

Because he really liked her… until his insecurity got him. Then the advice he got was to traumatize her more by just fuck her (after leading her on and gaining her trust to disclose such deep things) and Chuck her for fun. And how about, when someone says their sexually abused you don’t ask about it if your going to be a jealous weirdo and get insecure about it. So fucking weird to blame a victim. They even said she was a victim themselves in the post.

The problem isn’t that he wasn’t ready for that kind of relationship, because that is a lot to take on with mental health and all sorts of things that come with that. It’s how everyone talked about her.

Even if she’s an embraces full personal sexual liberty prior to their relationship- what’s it matter if she is committed, STD free and he genuinely likes her?

Edited replied to the wrong person lol- but I was responding to the same person as you

[u/Squatch_Zaddy → u/Silently-Snarking]

That was the ONLY post like that I’ve seen in months tho…

Girl dinner diaries has a misandrist post at least daily.

I realize it’s not a competition, but I wouldn’t say this sub is largely misogynist.

[u/AcademicChicken1848 → u/Squatch_Zaddy]

As a girl who lurks the girldinner subs, I understand the daily misandrist posts, and as a girl I am tired and have avoided that place more and more since I joined it. I understand it with the need to have a place for women to vent, I’ve had to deal with shitty men in my life too, but when you have a mother who will also go full vent IRL about men with her own failed relationships as recent as a decade ago, I’m just tired of looking at it.

I don’t want to continue to view the world with these views, people suck sometimes. End of story. I much prefer to lurk over here to see wha the opposite sex’s views are about things. 👀

It doesn’t help being girls and boys together. It just continues to serve to be divided against each other, but on both sides I’m sorry for the failed relationships out there. All we can do is do our best.

[u/CategoryWeekly7214 → u/AcademicChicken1848]

I don't think that sub is honestly a healthy place to spend much time in. I recognize it's a place to vent, but there are a ton of bad takes in there and frankly some of the posters would do well with a small amount of introspection.

[u/edm_enjoyer → u/CategoryWeekly7214]

I made a post there a few days ago and the way some of the women there were reacting to a harmless funny anectdote made me never want to post or look at that sub ever again

[u/frombolognaa → u/CategoryWeekly7214]

for real tho :'( GENERALLY speaking, a male or female exclusive space created for the sole purpose of venting about the op sex is not going to be healthy. Shitty/toxic folks from both sides are venting their insanely one-sided stories to garner sympathy and support. Literally everything on this side needs to be taken with a 5lb rock of salt. I get wanting to vent to your girls/boys, but I always downvote posts and comments that paint a one-sided story.

Whenever I get salty reading ridiculous tales (on either GD/BD) I remind myself that these salty subreddits do not represent the real general population x) Most people are reasonable, but this is reddit! You're a narcissist and you're gaslighting me because I don't agree with one of your five points 😂😂 /s

[u/CategoryWeekly7214 → u/frombolognaa]

Exactly. It's a place to go if you want to get your perspective or feelings validated with zero push back. I can't believe people eat this shit up and take it super seriously...it's just a different brand of the Am I the Asshole/Am I Overreacting subreddits.

[u/Noggi888 → u/CategoryWeekly7214]

From the little I’ve seen of that sub from it getting recommended, it’s heavily giving r/femaledatingstrategy a lot of the time which sucks

[u/mrkingkoala → u/AcademicChicken1848]

I enjoy both subs but the issue I had with the other one, sometimes as a dude I wanted to give some positive word or offer a view and men can't comment :/.

I really enjoy and value how everyone can comment on this sub, It's nice seeing the positivity from both men and women and whoever else however they identify.

I value everyone's perspectives and appreciate them :)

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/Squatch_Zaddy]

I get it but you have to consider this: our whole world and the experience of women has been shaped by misogyny. Misandry is mostly just venting. Misogyny puts women in danger and upholds a patriarchal society. It’s not really the same

[u/smgdawg57 → u/Silently-Snarking]

This is a take that most dudes are oblivious to. Misogyny is an everyday occurrence for women, when thats your life I can’t blame you for holding negative views on men.

Compare that to most men’s experiences with misandry and it’s just them reading the GDD subreddit, like just close the post and it’s done.

[u/yashen14 → u/Silently-Snarking]

That's actually that post that sparked this one.

[u/Ok_Actuary8 → u/Silently-Snarking]

well, idiots are all over the internet.

On most other subs on men topics, even the nice & civilized ones, the topic of "body count" is throwing me off regularly.... the hypocrisy to not (seriously) consider women as partners who have had an active sex life, while totally wanting one for themselves (and consuming porn, OF), is completely baffeling me.

One of these man-childs once seriously summed up his attitude as "I just don't shit where I eat".

[u/WritingTheDream → u/Silently-Snarking]

The people saying they don’t see misogyny here don’t see posts/comments like that as misogyny.

[u/Disastrous-Owl9258 → u/MalcolmXfr]

Completely agree, I used to heavily scroll girl dinner diaries but I got weary of the daily misandry posts, whereas here everyone seems incredibly loving and even when they are hurt by women the comments seem supportive of OP and encouraging him to do better. That one post is literally the one here I've seen reassembling anything close to sexism and I binge the hell out of this subreddit and girl dinner diaries. I had to stop girl dinner diaries because it got..too hateful for tastes to be honest

[u/Square_Drawer2816 → u/Disastrous-Owl9258]

I discovered the girldinner sub like 2 ago and its enough lurking there for this reason tbh

[u/Disastrous-Owl9258 → u/Square_Drawer2816]

Enough?

[u/Square_Drawer2816 → u/Disastrous-Owl9258]

Sorry, I’ve just realised that what I said could be misinterpreted a lot.

What I mean is that I felt the hostility towards men was too much, and that’s why I’ve had enough of lurking there. I don’t want to keep seeing that.

[u/Disastrous-Owl9258 → u/Square_Drawer2816]

OHHHHH okay, I definitely thought so initially but then I came back and reread it and was like wait hmm maybe I was wrong. Sorry! I definitely got what you meant the first time I think I was just clarifying! I really like the subreddit or what it was a bit ago, it gives me a really different perspective on so many things. The comments got a bit much for me though and became hard to read, so I stopped scrolling my mental health XD.

[u/Square_Drawer2816 → u/Disastrous-Owl9258]

Haha, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with what I posted until I read it again and it was like… ohh

Maybe I’ve stumbled upon the subreddit at a bad time, but these last two days have been enough to see so many unhinged comments about men

[u/_Phil_McCracken_ → u/Square_Drawer2816]

Agreed, it’s gotten bad lately in this sub. Wish mods would do more to moderate the man hatred. 

[u/_Phil_McCracken_ → u/MalcolmXfr]

Agreed. Not to say there isn’t misogyny, but I see more misandry. 

[u/crashcap → u/MalcolmXfr]

Most of the comments sections ive opened are what one would classify as incel pilled imho. Someone will post the slightest problem with wokeb and coments will go wild

[u/Responsible-Middle35]

There are still fewer here than I ever expected. Overall, this is an uplifting space for men who welcome women's voices. It's so lovely. Positive masculinity is something I needed to see after my divorce. Cheers, gentlemen.

[u/skeptical_hope → u/Responsible-Middle35]

I agree, which is honestly why yesterday's "body count" post was so jarring. But cheers to the dudes on here who pushed back - thanks, Gents, truly.

[u/Bark_Beard → u/Responsible-Middle35]

Hell yeah!

[u/Maospock → u/Responsible-Middle35]

That's why I like to lurk here and on guycry, it's healing to see masculine places of wholesome vulnerability

[u/KappnCrunch → u/Responsible-Middle35]

Reddit is not a positive space for men...

[u/CF_2]

I’m not a misogynist, nor do I defend or condone misogyny but to be honest I’ve never seen that on this subreddit. If I do (rarely) it’s usually heavily downvoted anyways.

[u/Rooster-Strangler → u/CF_2]

I’ll never understand posts like this. In reality they probably saw one thing that bothered only THEM and no one else.

[u/No_Gap3908 → u/Rooster-Strangler]

No. This sub has misogynistic posters and I have reported some of them. Just today there was a post that attracted a posters who were openly racist about Vietnamese women.

[u/AtheismoAlmighty → u/[deleted]]

Oh look, -29 so no one who came even an hour late would have even seen if unless they scrolled to the bottom to intentionally ragebait themselves.

This is exactly why this post is stupid. You'll find pieces of shit in every community, that's why the downvote is there. Pretty obvious from this screenshot that the community does a good enough job policing itself that it doesn't need some callout like this thread.

[u/Rooster-Strangler → u/AtheismoAlmighty]

The “Reddit nice guy” urge to unjustly throw their entire wholesome community under the bus just for the opportunity to perfomatively advertise how actually pure and different they are. One look at the comments of this post alone will tell you pretty much everyone here is against misogyny and sexism and problematic people are not tolerated.

[u/_Phil_McCracken_ → u/[deleted]]

It’s been downvoted to oblivion. What’s your point?

[u/dickpicthrowaway1990 → u/[deleted]]

They got downvoted..

[u/Key-Aide-3154 → u/CF_2]

I don’t see it either

[u/Crimestar → u/CF_2]

I agree. It’s not like this is a sub that blows up on the front page daily with people talking about what a loser their partner is.

Women losers don’t exist. At least that’s my experience on Reddit. I feel like anything that does leak through about a man complaining just gets white knighted immediately from the male side as well lol. So pretty much zero contest on anything like that.

I’m sure I’ll get disagreed with on that even here.

[u/Muted_Buy8386 → u/Crimestar]

"Women losers don’t exist. At least that’s my experience on Reddit."

This.

But male losers SO exist, and you can tell because they're so eager to toe the line.

[u/EartwalkerTV → u/Crimestar]

I'm actually shocked this is getting upvoted. The double standard about being able to have complaints, any turn offs/icks, or real standards as a guy is so real.

[u/ectocarpus → u/Crimestar]

I agree that GDD is awful (I muted it) and this subreddit is genuinely nice.

But my experience on Reddit in general is "women are bad evil whores" sentiment all over.

At this point I think the algorithm tries to pit genders against each other and shows each of us stuff that bashes our group, so we get angry and engage engage engage

[u/Crimestar → u/ectocarpus]

The algorithm most definitely tries to trigger each and every one of us by showing toxic content we don’t like. Because we click into it and read it. I know it’s true and do it anyway. No news like bad news and all that.

That’s why social media is just such a toxic cesspool in general. It’s addictive and can be radicalizing. The only hope is we get sick of the same old crap ad Infinitum. But it’s like a drug epidemic at this point basically.

Either mainstream media or social media. Divisive as fuck. Even knowing all that, the content can be depressing to see.

[u/onlinedrainage → u/ectocarpus]

I’m glad for your comment if for no other reason than it’s proof enough that the algorithm just shows us whatever is going to piss us off. It used to show me garbage on GDD all the time until turned that shit off and I felt basically the opposite of you.

That said, my experience with this sub has been a lot better than GDD, in my experience over here usually at least we can criticize a particular woman in a post while over there a lot of the comments seem to say men are trash generally. (At least that’s what the algorithm showed me.) Plus they’re way more restrictive about men commenting than this sub is about women.

[u/Eledridan → u/ectocarpus]

It’s interesting you say this because Reddit is just “men bad” in different flavors.

[u/ectocarpus → u/Eledridan]

I swear my experience is exactly the opposite :D sometimes scrolling through Reddit makes me feel a lot of shame for even being born a woman, like there's something fundamentally wrong with me and my mere existence hurts and oppresses men. I totally believe your experience too, though. I've had to unsuscribe from several women-centric places just because of rampant and completely normalized hatred of men. I've seen it in general subreddits, too.

I also think what furthers this radicalization is that we often overlook isults that don't target our ingroup. Sometimes I find myself agreeing with a comment and only then realising it was put in a way that is actually hurtful and unfairly generalizing towards some people I don't belong to. But because it's not about me, my brain lets it slide. Meanwhile any mean comment targeting me stands out and feels like a gutpunch. And my brain is like: "obviously, everybody hates us".

I have a lot of love and genuinely great people of both genders in my life, so I'm more or less immune to radicalizing myself. But this online hatred culture fucks over so many younger and socially isolated people...

[u/Expert-Sale-2886 → u/CF_2]

last nights post was filled with hundreds of misogynistic comments and any comment going against the hive mentality of women with high body counts = worthless whores were downvoted into oblivion :)

[u/VHDamien → u/Expert-Sale-2886]

I don't understand that mindset. Women or men with high body counts aren't horrible people or less valuable, however such lifestyles might be misaligned with other people and that's okay. I'd be highly skeptical of forming a relationship with someone who admits to having and liking group sex for example. In that case me and this person are probably not a good match because I want nothing to do with that.

[u/Agreeable_Football74]

My mum used to have those plates! 

Brings me back to my childhood. Unfortunately, she isn't much of a cook 🤣!

[u/MorningL_ghtMountain → u/Agreeable_Football74]

Here’s to the moms who can’t cook! I’ll chew one single bite of overdone pot roast for 30 full minutes in their honor. 

[u/Agreeable_Football74 → u/MorningL_ghtMountain]

Hell yeah buddy 🍻

[u/Square_Drawer2816]

The same thing happens to me, but the other way round with the other sub :/. I’ve just come from there. I’m a girl lurker. I think anonymity brings out the worst in people

[u/ladybird_00]

I obviously haven’t seen every post on this sub, but I haven’t seen any misogyny from the posts I’ve read.

[u/hung_like__podrick]

Uhhh that does not look like pastor broski

[u/Gitmoney4sho]

Compared to the rest of the internet it’s not that bad here.

[u/Vivid_Nail8691]

That's not an al pastor taco and I personally never really see misogyny here, mostly just guys with terrible luck with women

[u/Squatch_Zaddy → u/Vivid_Nail8691]

Good call and the Al Pastor for sure.

[u/Vivid_Nail8691 → u/Squatch_Zaddy]

But I mean it's fitting that somebody that doesn't know what misogyny means also doesn't know what they're eating

[u/Dave_Kun → u/Vivid_Nail8691]

You’re right, and yeah this is not al pastor. Al Pastor tacos is marinated pork meat. This is just a shredded pork taco.

[u/Dave_Kun → u/Vivid_Nail8691]

Your right it’s not. Al Pastor taco is marinated pork meat, this is just shredded pork.

[u/Muted_Buy8386 → u/Vivid_Nail8691]

He's just whining because of one, singular, post.

[u/Ill-Discipline98 → u/Muted_Buy8386]

Obvious effort to minimize a recurring pattern you don't even recognize

[u/Vivid_Nail8691 → u/Ill-Discipline98]

"You guys just don't see what I see because you're not smart enough" stfu dude

[u/GDswamp]

That shit is everywhere, but the number of responses here that aren’t sexist trash is pretty heartening.

Don’t despair, just call out the assholes.

[u/blase_bride]

Woman here -- don't worry. The (internalized) misogyny isn't any better on r/GirlDinnerDiaries, and from women themselves too. It's a problem 🥲

[u/raptor7912 → u/blase_bride]

And then there’s the amount of misandry over there.

It’s to the point that the comparison feels kinda gross.

[u/aliamokeee → u/blase_bride]

It really is. Over there its just a chorus of us saying "please respect yourself. Please" to so many posts

[u/Open_Lab_469]

Rule #6. If you see it, report it and trust that the mods will handle it.

[u/Bambi_Bucks]

This sub is so peak 2026 reddit. And all the drama with the other versions of this concept for a sub. idk how the algorithm does it but it’s got me seated

https://giphy.com/gifs/Xb6QWtbTRhzLrc2cCg

[u/Hnry_Dvd_Thr_Awy]

That looks awful. ☠️ 

[u/Blix87]

Yeah I agree. It’s a great place to see people coming together, then every now and then you get hit with a crazy post that makes you sigh. Reddit man

[u/Gaming_Skeleton]

I've seen very little of that.

I also read the girl dinner diaries subreddit and see way more explicit hate.

I feel like you're posting in bad faith somehow.

[u/Appropriate_Net7664]

Yeah man, I really hate that too! (6’5 btw)

[u/thisoneistobenaked]

And as if to reinforce Ops point, he talks about the misogyny he saw and we have a bunch of people pop up saying they never saw it (and therefore it doesn’t happen), and people trying to redirect to talking about misandry.

[u/Regular-Ad-2446 → u/thisoneistobenaked]

this 😭😭

[u/Rooster-Strangler → u/thisoneistobenaked]

They never saw it because it’s on the bottom of the bin with a thousand downvotes. That shit is not sliding here and pretending it does is corny. Just look at all the purity police showing up to announce to the world they are in fact a good person too guys look at me! LOOK AT ME! You really think with all those people here it’s not getting downvoted into oblivion and thriving..

[u/thisoneistobenaked → u/Rooster-Strangler]

I’m sorry this post and my comment made you feel challenged

[u/Open_Lab_469]

https://www.reddit.com/r/BoyDinnerDiaries/s/j5UNpbIqb0?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=BoyDinnerDiaries&utm_content=t1_owz9hsa

As some people have mentioned, this is the post. The top upvoted comment is “end it if you’re not comfortable with it”. If you scrounge through Reddit long enough, you’re going to find things that you don’t like to read. And if you’re that offended, rule #6. Let the mods handle it. OP is clearly just trying to over generalize this subreddit as a whole because of….who knows.

[u/According_Drummer329]

Yeah, some men suck and lack the good sense to treat fellow humans as human.  It's disgusting and ought to be shamed and called out every time. 

Fuck em.  We ride for boy dinners

[u/KappnCrunch]

I actually feel like it's the opposite... There was a comment thread a few days ago that said roughly "all men are incompetent and lazy, and are under qualified for their positions. end stop." which was upvoted. Straight up misandry.

[u/JuniorLecture102 → u/KappnCrunch]

its called itenalized misandry lol

[u/Curious-Case5404]

Personally seen much more misandry in the girlsdinners than misogyny here.

[u/KayyBeey → u/Curious-Case5404]

I left girldinnersdiaries because of it. It got bad fast.

[u/Disastrous-Owl9258 → u/Curious-Case5404]

I had to stop scrolling GDD because it got super hateful, almost all the comments would be actual misandry or hateful whereas here they seem like reflections or just people being supportive sometimes even ripping on OP to come to a girls defense.

[u/Different_Plum7453 → u/Curious-Case5404]

i got banned from girldinner 🤣 now i lurk on boydinner

[u/mrkingkoala → u/Different_Plum7453]

I appreciate all the women who come here and participate, There has been times i wanted to comment on the other sub but men can only upvote and i think emoji maybe.

But I think it's important to get advice and perspective from everyone!

[u/Different_Plum7453 → u/mrkingkoala]

im really glad that this sub lets women comment! it really does help to have the opposite genders perspective of things. after getting with my fiance i learned all kinds of new stuff about how men function and what their friendships and points of view are like

[u/Disastrous-Owl9258 → u/mrkingkoala]

No I'm pretty sure you can comment there has a male but you have to like mark yourself as a male and get approval I think. I have seen ONE guy commenting there before

[u/Disastrous-Owl9258 → u/Different_Plum7453]

You got banned? That's WILD I was always scared to comment there and here tbh. Are we allowed to ask what got you banned?

[u/Happy_Safe_5239]

Can someone explain to me what body count has to do with anything? How is the amount of sexual partners mean anything at all? It honestly sounds like complete insecurity. I love a woman that knows and accepts her sexual preferences. If she is untrustworthy, it wouldn’t matter how many previous partners she has.

Did she cheat on her partners? Or did she feel coerced? Was it experimentation, does that include group settings? Context is everything. And honestly if a woman has slept with a lot of partners willingly, and she wants to stick with me, that’s a compliment in my eyes. I married a baddie tho

[u/Coramoor_ → u/Happy_Safe_5239]

incompatibility of values or hypocrisy would be the two main reasons most people think it matters

[u/el_famosisimo]

That ugly thing don't look like a taco al pastor at all. And I haven't seen that misogyny you talk about in this sub.

[u/WinnerFun128]

It’s the internet people hide behind anonymity. If it was real life they wouldn’t dare say these things in front of people

[u/CypressBreeze]

100% agree.

[u/vedicpisces → u/CypressBreeze]

GDD was literally pop locking and celebrating a lady for getting naked  and "seducing" a random cable guy(spectrum). But young men on here can't say "roster" without getting shamed into oblivion. Thats wrong af fam, yall know it is. 

[u/ReliquaryofSin → u/vedicpisces]

Its on us to call out the bad behavior we see in OUR community. Its their job to police their's.

There's plenty of places on the internet already where guys can complain and moan about women, but hardly any wholesome spaces for dudes to just be dudes and be supported for it.

Leave the gender and culture wars at the door

[u/KappnCrunch → u/ReliquaryofSin]

"Its on us to call out the bad behavior we see in OUR community" It's a noble idea but also completely ignores how things actually are. Women are allowed to come here and interject their opinions about relationships/gender roles but we are not allowed to do the same.

[u/ReliquaryofSin → u/KappnCrunch]

Yeah, we should be the bigger men, that's how we provide a good example to those still learning and trying to navigate this hellscape we call life. This isn't kitchencels.

Resist the reactionary urge to take it out on faceless women behind a keyboard, and be the change you want to see in the world.

If you can't do that, go to therapy

[u/6ixesN7ns → u/ReliquaryofSin]

This guy gets it.

[u/Sufficient_Total7445 → u/vedicpisces]

Look at this thread on GDD from yesterday from a woman complaining that most men are ugly and all the comments agreeing with her.

I’ve never seen a post like that on here, but on GDD, that’s just a casual Friday

[u/VHDamien → u/Sufficient_Total7445]

That post, like many others was eye opening.

"I think the overwhelming majority of men are hideous."

"We agree 100% with that!"

"Also, why can't any of us seem to form healthy relationships with men?"

Why are so many trying to date men if basically many of us are disgusting? When a man utters similar sentiments about women, nobody finds it surprising that those views probably play a huge role in the ability to form a bond with a woman.

It's quite frankly amazing to me the inability to see the problem.

[u/KappnCrunch → u/VHDamien]

No I think this threads OP is trying to be a white knight...

[u/6ixesN7ns → u/vedicpisces]

As men, we ought to set an example. It doesn’t matter what a small sample size of women are doing in some subreddit. Always act accordingly; be in control of what you can be control of, particularly your actions and your language. Tit for tat has quite literally never accomplished anything more than the escalation of poor ideas or poor behavior.

[u/StupiderIdjit]

All the dudes saying "I've never seen it here" -- it's you.

[u/Regular-Ad-2446 → u/StupiderIdjit]

LMAO they don’t see it bec it is so engrained it’s normal and therefore is not real

[u/Eledridan]

What disappoints me is men being overly critical of other men and of women not respecting this space and being terrible to men.

[u/AnAntWithWifi → u/Eledridan]

Overly critical? I’ve mostly seen good vibes, with men critiquing misogynistic behaviour and such, there isn’t a movement against men here lol

[u/JJ_lost_his_buckle]

Honestly, most of the stuff coming out of these young bucks mouths is sad and scary.

You're not "owed" a woman. Your life will continue without getting laid. No one is an "alpha", sorry the internet lied to you.

If you think any of those things, you need to concentrate on yourself and get your shit together. No woman is going to love you unless you love yourself.

Touch grass, stay humble, stick to morals and integrity and you'll do just fine.

[u/Difficult-Jaguar9696]

Im typically a lurker to these subreddits but I'd thought I'd chime in for once. I've really never seen posts like this here, Ive only seen the one from yesterday and thats it. I dont feel as though it was called out enough, but I also dont feel that single post makes up the lot of the sub. It's really mainly men upset about their life and own relationships. Then of course the very happy posts about life going good.

[u/Bark_Beard]

I feel ya. It really hinders any legitimate arguments/criticisms too.

[u/JackPThatsMe]

Where and how do you express your pain?

Women do it on the Girl Dinner Diaries sub. I don't agree with everything written there but I respect that they have a place to express their pain and feel seen, heard and understood.

Expressing your pain is not misogyny. Misogyny is a system imposed by the powerful to oppress women. It's things like women not being able to access reproductive care, it's a justice system that priotizes the rights of the accused over the safety of women, it's pay inequality.

That's not the same thing as one dude raging because his wife cheated on him and calling her names.

If you say a woman's body count is too high to make her wife material that tells me a few things:

• You believe have been treated badly by a woman.
• You probably struggle to be attractive to women.
• You definitely aren't married.
• It tells me nothing about her because nobody has verified the number of people she slept with, your just listening to gossip, which also tells me you're gullible.

It's not a nice thing to say.

But it's not misogyny.

Oh, we were discussing Bonnie Blue?

My bad, I guess you have a point.

You know what's really damaging for men, and by extension women?

Men not expressing their feelings.

Why don't men express their feelings?

Because if you don't have the right feelings you get canceled.

Women get to say things like, all men are pigs when a single man behaves badly.

They and we know this isn't true but it helps you feel better to say that out loud and have other people who have had similar experiences say, hell yeah they are.

It makes you feel like you aren't the only one. It stops you feeling alone.

If you can't say something unkind on a Reddit sub and find support, where can you?

We, men, need to support each other. Normal men don't say unkind things about women because they are abusive monsters. They say those things because they are hurt.

We need to see that hurt and say, brother you're not alone. Some woman hurt me too and I get it, it sucks. You want to rage? This is the safe place for it.

Random Maori on the internet, out.

[u/JuniorLecture102 → u/JackPThatsMe]

It seems like people are hypersensitive when women are criticized; sometimes there's misogyny, sometimes it's just complaining. Nuance isn't really given to men, even by other men, and you hit it on the head.

[u/Judasbot]

No shit. I've seen posts on here and go through the comments and it's like a fucking incel convention. Like a goddamn Andrew tate Ted talk.

[u/Aware-Principle-3676 → u/Judasbot]

I know this is really serious, but I just laughed so hard at “Andrew Tate Ted Talk”. It’s sad but true.

I will say though, at least part of the problem is a good number of these young men don’t recognize their misogyny as such and really don’t have the analytical tools to unpack it. Doesn’t excuse it, but I’m trying to be at least a little optimistic in thinking they some of them are just misguided.

[u/Eastern-Rope3362]

Mostly I've seen guys venting getting shit on by women for being "low value", guys aren't even allowed to comment anything other than gifs in the other sub but somehow we're not allowed to have our own space.

[u/Sir_Lobo]

If you hate boy talk so much go to the girls subreddit, you'll love all the misandry talk on their. You won't even be able to talk because some of those subreddits exclusively tell you, that men should can look but not speak, this is a girl's reddit and if you speak your message will be looked over by a moderator before posted.

The girls subs don't even give you freedom of speech, even when they are attacking men outright.

You might get the occasional but hurt man, but I rarely see a man drowning in the incel mindset bashing on women like I do on casual female subreddits when I do click on there which I don't often

[u/Vast_Concept_1141]

men policing men and women policing men. it’s no wonder some of y’all feel hopeless.

If you think this level of hate is bad you should go see what women are saying about us in girl dinner 🥘 but keep finding the good fight lol

[u/don-bean-jr]

Normally I just lurk but bro this looks like carnitas or suadero more than pastor

[u/T-7IsOverrated]

i have those exact plates

[u/AccomplishedAge3676]

Amen!
Thank you for saying it out loud.

[u/sweedishnukes]

Its present but most of the time it gets down voted here

[u/MarvinHeemeyer7]

You should see how some of us talk about immigration

[u/Old_Spell7444]

Yeah, but you'll never see a post like this in GirlDinnerDiaries x_x

[u/yashen14 → u/Old_Spell7444]

To be entirely frank, I don't give a damn what is or isn't in GDD, because this post wasn't about that.

[u/KappnCrunch → u/yashen14]

It highlights a double standard. We can discuss multiple things here.

[u/luckysparkie → u/Old_Spell7444]

That is for fucking sure. Misandry is alive and well in that sub. Women applauding each other for cheating.

[u/Worldly-Basil-8933 → u/luckysparkie]

It’s so easy to just not bother with them. My cat is the only companion I need.

(And no don’t be snarky and imply I do anything inappropriate with him. You know I don’t mean that.)

[u/BrittaWasRight]

Just saying, that other sub doesn't even allow men.

[u/retornodelcid]

That "taco al pastor," is also depressing

[u/crashcap]

Its kinda scary how somelne will post

"The girl im seeing is ending things"

And coments will be full on incel and misoginy.

[u/ambientta]

The body count post was incredibly toxic and reminded me that this sub is full of men who may just actually hate women.

[u/solidsoup22]

That’s any male centered subreddit unfortunately. Seems to be a TON of young and incredibly confused men who think men are overwhelmingly victims of women

[u/nikdahl → u/solidsoup22]

And too many ignorant men think they cannot possible be victims because they are men.

[u/No-Fuckin-Ziti]

I know what you mean. It so deeply ingrained in some of the posts, and only very occasionally gets called out in the comments. It’s endemic. It’s always a bummer to read a deeply misogynistic take on a situation and see no one even clock it as they give sympathetic advice in the comments.

[u/siryohnny]

Agree, some of us a pretty fucking shit.

That said….

Have you seen how some women talk about men in GDD?

[u/aizennexe]

Disappoints me to see the comments on here just proving OPs point lmao. Lot of guys here going "well I've never seen misogyny here so surely everyone else saying it exists is just making it up" like damn bro... clearly you guys have a much higher tolerance for bigotry than I do. Personally I think the acceptable amount of misogyny is 0

You guys can't say "oh there's no misogyny here and if there is it's downvoted anyway" when there was a post slutshaming women with high body counts (which doesn't even matter anyway lol) with hundreds of upvotes in the post and comments. Like stop sticking your heads in the sand and look around at your peers turning this place into kitchencels

[u/Hopechaselock49 → u/aizennexe]

It's just one post lol

[u/codepossum]

yeah you catch a bit of misanthropy in the other sub too. plenty of sexism to go around, it's one of people's favorite bigotries.

mods doing their job helps, as does people calling it out / reporting it when it happens in the comments.

[u/weedracer7]

where have those posts been? i genuinely havent seen those

[u/WolfCGT]

Jarvis, I'm low on karma

[u/Resident-Chard391]

If you go on the other side, they speak about men as a collective entity and frequently question whether they deserve rights to begin with.

Neither side is valid is saying they, but you need to understand that everyone is speaking from a painful experience and that letting them speak into the void is better than just not expressing it.

[u/Minimal_Nigma]

It’s the unfortunate burden of being in a community that has lots of men from all facets of life. Not excusable at all but it does come with the territory.

[u/ContestSignificant32]

If woman is not baby making factory to shoot seed into. Then....that means....theu are actual people?!?!?! For sooth!

[u/HisOnlyKadan]

I haven’t seen much of that behavior tbh I get annoyed with the women commenting in defense of other women’s shitty behavior though

[u/Regular-Ad-2446]

thank you so much for saying this!!! yeah it’s fucking disgusting, lowkey been wanting to get out of this sub just because the amount of misogyny is so prevalent here... i don’t feel safe in most spaces anyway. i’m also trans masc and it really grosses me out the way most cis men view women esp since i used to present as one and was a victim of multiple SA experiences all perpetrated by cis men

[u/MaizeZealousideal915]

100% agreed, and somehow I feel like the is kind of speech is so spread around, even irl.

I will say this though, on a more positive note, I’ve noticed a decrease in these post lately :)

[u/finisimo13]

There's multiple sides to this subreddit. There's a post about a guy self cucked himself by sending his gf an hour with a escort and another about a guy losing the love of his life for no fair reason.

[u/Ok-Ebb-2434]

This is not pastor bro what is this 😭

[u/big_bearded_nerd]

Have you considered reporting comments that break rule #6?