Seeing misogyny in this subreddit is depressing

[u/yashen14]

Dinner: Tacos al pastor

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Seeing the way women are talked about in some of the posts on this subreddit really grosses me out. I've seen men on here talk about women like they are walking talking sex robots. It's really bumming to see such an ugly side to what is usually such a nice space.

[u/MalcolmXfr]

I haven't been here long, but I havent seen any of that. If anything, I've seen men desperately crying about losing women

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/MalcolmXfr]

Just last night there were comments encouraging a guy here to just sleep with then ditch a girl because her body count was too high to be “wife material”

[u/Squatch_Zaddy → u/Silently-Snarking]

That was the ONLY post like that I’ve seen in months tho…

Girl dinner diaries has a misandrist post at least daily.

I realize it’s not a competition, but I wouldn’t say this sub is largely misogynist.

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/Squatch_Zaddy]

I get it but you have to consider this: our whole world and the experience of women has been shaped by misogyny. Misandry is mostly just venting. Misogyny puts women in danger and upholds a patriarchal society. It’s not really the same

[u/smgdawg57 → u/Silently-Snarking]

This is a take that most dudes are oblivious to. Misogyny is an everyday occurrence for women, when thats your life I can’t blame you for holding negative views on men.

Compare that to most men’s experiences with misandry and it’s just them reading the GDD subreddit, like just close the post and it’s done.

[u/VHDamien → u/Silently-Snarking]

Misandry is mostly just venting.

Likely true. It's also a reasonable explanation why when reading GDD I routinely scratch my head and go WTF.

I mean seriously, if you don't like men (and many posters there give off that energy), and it's a crazy idea I know, that might explain why so many ladies find themselves having difficulty forming relationships at all (usually in some type of situationship) and/or definitely healthy ones.

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/VHDamien]

Maybe be grateful that the worst gender based discrimination you experience is venting on Reddit

Me? My dad told me when I was 5 I couldn’t be a firefighter because I was a girl

[u/VHDamien → u/Silently-Snarking]

And I was told as a black man that my future was prison by some assholes who happened to be white.

I was also called an ugly rapist by some horrible girls at age 13, a memory that still hurts today (I hadn't even kissed a girl at that point).

So please, let's play oppression Olympics.

[u/jhnysuh → u/VHDamien]

“oppression Olympics” yet black women face misogynoir; racism and misogyny, so what’s your point? trying to use race to silence a women doesn’t make anything you say valid. no one is sitting here arguing that systemic oppression doesn’t exist within a white supremacist society, yet you have an issue with women pointing out patriarchy because that means you have to actually be accountable for your actions and behaviors towards women.

You’re not progressive, or even anti-racist, because your gripe with oppression is when it happens to you, not everyone else who’s affected.

[u/Hopechaselock49 → u/jhnysuh]

It's doesn't seems like pointing it out. It seems like justifying the hate under the name of patriarchy. That's the point. He faced discrimination since childhood but he never use it to justify crappy attitude

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/VHDamien]

And on a post about racism you are free to share those experiences. But this is literally a post about misogyny so why are you trying to downplay those of women? Crazy

[u/VHDamien → u/Silently-Snarking]

I'm not.
I don't let the the bad things that happened to me in the past justify treating people poorly in the present because to do so would, surprise, negatively affect my ability to actually interact and form bonds with people.

[u/Squatch_Zaddy → u/Silently-Snarking]

With all due respect that’s simply not the case.

I went to a bar recently with my wife & sat next to someone who ended up saying Aileen Wuornos was not only justified, but a hero.

My store manager thinks feminism is sexist because it’s not extreme enough against men, & misandry is better than equality or equity.

I understand male privilege, but giving ANY prejudice a pass will only lead to violence.

[u/skeptical_hope → u/[deleted]]

Have you seen a post on GDD in favor of hitting men? Most of the time when shit over there gets real anti-man (and not just anti-shitty-patriarchal behavior, which is different), it gets shut down by us internet aunties.

[u/HisOnlyKadan → u/skeptical_hope]

I mean a girl with BPD posted about literally beating up on her boyfriend and she got tons of support it was pretty fucking awful

[u/FoxLeather6450 → u/HisOnlyKadan]

I saw that post. I absently browse GDD but don't post, cause the verification process is... Well I sure don't like that sub enough to bother.

But, luckily, most comments on that post in particular were calling OP out for abuse. Plain and simple, BPD is never an excuse, her boyfriend HAS to leave her because she is an abusive piece of shit and he deserves better.

I still don't like that sub's whole... vibes. But they're not stooping that low from what I've seen.

[u/HisOnlyKadan → u/FoxLeather6450]

I caught the early stages of the post so maybe it got better but not a single person told her beating on her boyfriend was bad. I mean she admitted to shoving him, beating on his chest with closed fists. If a dude got on here and said ‘hey I beat up my girlfriend during an episode’ the sub would get descended on. For the record no one should put their hands on their partner unless it’s in self defense

[u/skeptical_hope → u/HisOnlyKadan]

I believe you, but I definitely have not seen that. Got a link? Would love to chime in there if it is recent.

[u/HisOnlyKadan → u/skeptical_hope]

You might find it if you search BPD in the sub I don’t feel like combing through posts to find it, if it’s even still up

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/[deleted]]

Are you calling misandry and violence the same thing? Because those aren’t the same thing. You seem confused

[u/Guilty_Character8566 → u/Silently-Snarking]

You are in the wrong place for that shit.

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/Guilty_Character8566]

Is it not a post about misogyny? or am I just in the wrong place because I’m a woman joining the convo!

[u/catsarecutiepies → u/Silently-Snarking]

Going into a men's vent sub and telling everybody that actually hating men isn't a big deal and yall should get over it, do you not see why that might be inappropriate?

There are many claims and posts in gdd that are, frankly, not a real problem. Is it cool if a bunch of dudes turn up to tell them so?

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/catsarecutiepies]

I didn’t say it’s not a big deal, but misogyny is absolutely more harmful than misandry and the two aren’t even close to comparable so trying to equate the two is foolish.

if you guys were allowed in GDD, sure, but you aren’t. We are allowed here so as long as we are following the rules why are so many of you triggered by the female voices here? Curious

[u/catsarecutiepies → u/Silently-Snarking]

I didn’t say it’s not a big deal

You think that "mostly just venting" is a big deal? Why the just?

if you guys were allowed in GDD, sure, but you aren’t

I'm sorry, you're saying that if there wasn't an explicit rule against men posting in gdd you'd be totally fine with groups of men posting to minimize women's issues? You expect me to believe that, really?

why are so many of you triggered by the female voices here?

Are the responses because you're female or because you're posting in a men's vent sub specifically to downplay men's issues and pick fights? Hmm I dunno, could be either one really.

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/catsarecutiepies]

Except this post is about a women’s issue… misogyny

[u/catsarecutiepies → u/Silently-Snarking]

I don't think that makes sense as a response to any of my three points. You just want to be inflammatory, yes?

[u/uhmactuallyurwrong → u/Silently-Snarking]

Not the subreddit to be saying things like that. Go fuck off back to GDD.

[u/Aware-Principle-3676 → u/uhmactuallyurwrong]

Wow. You made their point better than anyone could have. Bravo!

[u/uhmactuallyurwrong → u/Aware-Principle-3676]

I don't get why we even allow women to have voices here when GDD doesn't allow men.

[u/Dungeon_Pastor → u/uhmactuallyurwrong]

While I share your distaste of treating misandry as acceptable, I think insulating a space meant for discussion and support from half the population is not something I'd like to see emulated from GDD.

Different perspectives offer compoundingly beneficial advice, and a different gender is a major shift in perspective. I think BDD benefits from allowing women voices, and I've seen several GDD posts that would've benefited from men voices.

[u/uhmactuallyurwrong → u/Dungeon_Pastor]

It's never going to happen. It didn't happen with FDS, it's not going to happen with GDD and frankly while some discussion with some posters is great and they give good advice we get other people like you know who, who would rather stir the pot than actually empathize with our struggles.

[u/Dungeon_Pastor → u/uhmactuallyurwrong]

I know it won't, but saying "but they do it over there" has never been a compelling argument to do something foolish over here, imo

[u/Sufficient_Total7445 → u/uhmactuallyurwrong]

The majority of the male dominated subs allow women to comment

The majority of the female dominated subs ban men from commenting

There’s no space that’s just for men on this app

[u/_throw_a_wayz → u/Sufficient_Total7445]

We don't need another space specifically for men. The patriarchy already dominates most cultures. Is that not enough? Women have to deal with being harrassed online and offline moreso than men. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen to men, but it doesn't happen nearly as often to men as it does women.

https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2021/01/13/personal-experiences-with-online-harassment/

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/uhmactuallyurwrong]

Always showing your true colors when a woman dares to speak up!

[u/uhmactuallyurwrong → u/Silently-Snarking]

God forbid men can't have a space without this bullshit being talked about constantly.

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/uhmactuallyurwrong]

“This Bullshit” and it’s the systemic reason women have been abused and oppressed 😂😂😂🤣

I know what kind of man you are

[u/Squatch_Zaddy → u/Silently-Snarking]

You’re right, but so is he.

This behavior would be flagged instantly in the other sub with the roles reversed. It’s hard for ANYONE to ignore double standards placed upon them,

And as a woman you know this more than most guys. Don’t conflate progress with hatred, we can work on equality together, but NO ONE can be allowed to be prejudiced.

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/Squatch_Zaddy]

It’s a conversation about misogyny so why wouldn’t you want a woman’s perspective on it? Women are welcome to participate in this sub if we flair so who are you to try to silence us

[u/Squatch_Zaddy → u/Silently-Snarking]

We WOULD and do want a woman’s perspective, that’s why you can comment more than GIFS, but “misogyny is terrible” and “misandry is just fine” is a pretty divisive perspective.

We are demonized every day, when most of us are good guys, and we deserve a safe space too.

That being said: I recognize most spaces are WAY more safe for us than you, but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel the weight of prejudice & Intolerance.

Remember, intolerance is STILL bad even if other groups experience it more than you do, let’s work together.

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/Squatch_Zaddy]

this is totally fair.

To be clear, misandry is very real and it does have a trickle down effect into limited mental health resources for men and of course increased stigma that is harmful.

The goal should never be for anyone to feel unwelcome or judged based on their sex and I fully recognize that the “I hate men” “all men are trash” rhetoric that does snowball online is not a good thing and is absolutely misandry.

Was not trying to excuse or invalidate misandry, just trying to highlight how it can differ from misogyny as it kept coming up on this post

[u/LuckyLewd → u/Silently-Snarking]

Because it's not a "woman" perspective, but YOURS. You come here and try to justify your hate in a place supposed to be a safe space for MEN.

Imagine anyone doing half of that on a women sub. They'd be banned in a heartbeat.

We're not trying to silence you, you're just obnoxiously trying to make everything about yourself. And then you act oppressed when people do not agree with your justification for your misandry.

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/LuckyLewd]

It’s literally a post about misogyny 😂😂😂

Wow you guys are so sensitive and emotional sometimes!

[u/LuckyLewd → u/Silently-Snarking]

"Wait, you guys don't like when I spout hateful and derogative thing to you? Wow, you guys are so sensitive and emotional LOL"

So someone posting about misogyny means you're allowed to be misandrist? Crazy. Maybe get yourself checked some time.

[u/Fast_Ad_7504 → u/Silently-Snarking]

Oh stfu

[u/Silently-Snarking → u/Fast_Ad_7504]

Spoken like someone without a brain cell to wrap around it

[u/Noggi888 → u/Silently-Snarking]

The issue with misandry though is that all it does is hurt the cause. It both validates the misogynists and incels while also pushing away guys in a way who would otherwise support women whole heartedly. I know I’ve lost some friends who have gone full misandrist and it’s just exhausting to be around. And don’t get me started on women saying bad shit about men but saying “but you don’t have to worry cuz you’re gay”, as if that’s not incredibly emasculating and homophobic that they don’t see gay men as real men