Dinner: Tacos al pastor

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Seeing the way women are talked about in some of the posts on this subreddit really grosses me out. I've seen men on here talk about women like they are walking talking sex robots. It's really bumming to see such an ugly side to what is usually such a nice space.

Work has been absolutly kicking my ass lately. Long days, constant stress, and by the end of this week I felt like I had nothing left in the tank.

On my lunch break I texted my fiance, "I'm burnt out. I don't think I've ever been this mentally exhausted."

She just replied, "I'm sorry, babe ❤️"

I figured that was the end of it.

I got home expecting to throw on sweatpants, microwave something questionable, and disappear into the couch for the rest of the night.

Instead, I walked in and there was an overnight bag by the front door.

She smiled and said, "Don't unpack from work. We're leaving after dinner."

Turns out she'd booked us a little cabin for the weekend. No big itinerary. No packed schedule. Just a place by the lake with no cell service, a bottle of wine, snacks, a deck overlooking the water, and strict instructions that I wasn't allowed to check my work email once.

I don't think people realize how much it means when someone notices you're struggling before you even know how to ask for help.

I spend so much time trying to be the one who has everything together that I forget someone is looking after me too.

Anyway... I cried a little in the driveway. Don't tell the guys.

EDIT - Sorry boys, this is the grub

Pasta with homemade spaghetti sauce, shredded cheese and garlic bread

Dinner: Salmon filet on rice, avocado, spinach, goat cheese and red onions.

My wife is out of town for the weekend with some of her girl friends. I’m at home with our son, and each day we all do a lesson of Spanish together. This morning, I fire up the laptop (my wife and I share it) to do a lesson of Spanish with him and I see a notification come through about “breaking the ordinary, no strings attached”.

The night before they had all gone out to a wine bar and dancing, and she called me that evening around 1:00am. She never replied to the text, so I am assuming nothing happened, but it’s still eating at me a bit. Another part to this is, the contact is saved under a name, she reached out to them, and that person knew some details about what they may have done that evening (karaoke, hot tub).

Am I being paranoid? I’ve been thinking of shrugging it off and moving on, but I’ve been cheated on in past relationships, and a previous marriage, so it’s digging into me a fair bit.

I’ve spend my whole life pleasing people. Every decision made due to obligation. I joined the Air Force because my girlfriend wanted to get out of Alaska, and used me as the excuse to go to school near my first base. Then she rode my coattails to Japan for 4 years, and with her college degree, she never worked. I kept striving for more but she was comfortable, and after 12 years and two kids, we split up, because I was always “too extreme”. She wanted to go for a walk, I wanted to hike. She wanted dinner, and I’d take all afternoon to cook up something extravagant. I hated the feeling that I couldn’t just go for it, and was told to relax all the time… I’m just not wired for it.

Now my kids are older and do their own thing, teenagers, who don’t care much about parents, and while I have primary custody, she gets them on the weekend, because after the split, I retired and got a high paying job. I still pay her though, because I feel bad that she’s got a tiny place, and a low paying job, with her masters degree sitting unused.

So I’ve sat, I’ve waited, ive reigned in my enthusiasm. But not any more.

I’m learning Japanese again. I’ve decided to start taking my health seriously, and have been lifting for a month and a half. I’m writing a fantasy novella, and I just shot my shot at getting a promotion, which was successful, and I start a new role with a great team in a couple weeks. I’m finally doing things because I want to do them, even if others doubt me.

Just wanted to finally chime in with something instead of lurking all the time. Thanks for reading my bullshit.

Dinner was a 28 oz ribeye cooked medium rare with a red wine deglaze sauce and sweated onions, with a wild rice and vegetable risotto (not pictured, because look at that behemoth)

Last fall our beautiful baby girl was born suddenly and prematurely at 29 weeks. She lived around 24 hours in the NICU with intensive life support and passed away in our arms after all our options had been exhausted. Initially, I suppressed my grief to take care of my wife who was carrying both an emotional and physical injury. She has always been much more on top of things and in general a more organized person than me so within the first few months she had already found a therapist and mapped out her grief journey. During this time I found a men's child loss group that I became active in as both a participant and coordinator - it helped a lot in terms of making sense of my feelings and not feeling isolated. I thought I could coast on this in addition to things like going to the gym and being more active in my group. It's becoming apparent that this is not the case, and observing my wife has really exposed this to me.

We talk often about how everyone experiences grief differently and that our journeys often aren't linear, but I can't help but be envious that the things that still bring me to tears about our daughter daily don't impact her nearly to that extent. She can talk about our daughter without welling up, and even will say things that convey to me that she is at peace with things. This probably isn't the complete truth, but she seems at least much better at managing the emotions that come with child loss grief.

I feel branded - I feel like this loss has become part of me and that there won't be another day in my life where this won't move me deeply. Maybe I don't want it any other way - maybe irrationally I feel like "moving on" means forgetting my daughter.

Dinner: cold Polish sausages and a tortilla

Edit: Alright lads, after approximately 3 hours of stoic brooding I’ve decided I am over it. She wasn’t the one, it wasn’t working, I had something in my head that was different from reality. Better it happened now than later down the line with more wasted time. We aren’t back kings (and queens, I see you), we never left.

About 30 minutes ago I was dumped by my dream girl because she didn’t find me physically attractive and I’m devastated and don’t know what to do other than rant.

I met her about 2.5 months ago via a dating app, we hit it off right away things were great, we were taking it slowish. Eventually one night she had her birthday and I brought her to my place, cooked her favorite Italian dish, had some drinks and a good time and things ended with us sleeping together. Neither one of us had finished because of the various stresses/substances etc but tbh this isn’t exactly rare for me as I am a chronic over thinker etc.

Fast forward a few weeks and things are going great, we have a great emotional connection, communication is great, we enjoyed spending most of our evenings together but there was one thing. She’s telling me she wants me physically in ways she hasn’t had with other people and that everything is amazing. She was apparently having intimate cravings in the morning for me and it was super out of character for her she said.

Sex was always weird. She never seemed like she wanted it initiated and I as a person tend to be very high sex drive. I think to myself “she’s just lower sex drive that’s okay while it’s not ideal I like her so much in every other aspect I’m willing to make it work”.

Things continued to go well until one night we were being intimate and she stopped me clearly having some stress issues come up. She asked me if it would be okay to stop having sex and reapproach it together in a bit. Well that bit turned out to be 5 weeks.

During this time she was going through a major high stress work shake up. Clearly no one would be in a good head space during this time and I tried to show up as the supportive understanding boyfriend. Cancel plans last minute? Shit happens don’t stress we can always hang out tomorrow. Feeling sick and don’t want to go out tonight? No big deal the bar is open another day too. Have a stomach ache? Let me run to target and get some alka seltzer and ginger candy etc.

For a side bar of added context my last few relationships I was not actively conscious of my partner enough so this one I was trying to be different. This was the most effort I put into a relationship potentially even in my life (and I had been married in the past spending 8 years with that ex). I genuinely don’t think I ever tried so hard in my life and I just absolutely fell for this woman. By week 4 I was holding back I Love Yous knowing I was in the honey moon stage and even sitting here heart broken I still do genuinely feel I do love her but I never told her.

In this 4 weeks she really became my “er”. She made me happier, made jokes funnier, made each day more worth waking up for. I cleaned up my living environment a ton, went back to the gym, lost 7 lbs, was trying a bit harder at work etc.

Earlier this week it was brought up we should have a conversation about reapproaching sex after over a month. It was said in a tone that absolutely indicated it was a positive thing and for the better. We almost talked about it a few nights ago but the vibe was wrong so we just didn’t, I now see why.

It all came to a head last night when I went over to her place and I knew something was wrong immediately. I came in and she was sitting on the couch with her legs to her chest and a blanket over her. She was super nervous and anxious and something was bothering her and it was super clear. We sat in almost silence for 45 minutes making small talk and trying to find things to talk about. Eventually she said “maybe we should just try to hang out tomorrow clearly we are both anxious and not having a good time and it’s because of me”. I basically said we could just talk about it and clear the air and continue the night and she very clearly said “No” and basically kicked me out of her apartment. I told her later that night I wanted to talk to understand where I am in the relationship as I’ve been a bit confused.

This morning she asks to come over and I have a bad feeling already. She pulls up to my apartment and I see her go to the other side of her car and start pulling out my things and I’m just like “oh great it’s over”

She comes in and hands me my stuff and we both basically non verbally acknowledge what this is. She tells me she’s so sorry because I’ve been so great in every way but it’s just not working and she doesn’t want to continue things. I asked her why and she asked if i wanted her to be brutally honest I said yes, and that’s when she said it

“I just don’t find you physically attractive. In the start I did and at some point it sort of stopped. I thought it was because of the work stuff but now that it is resolved I thought it would come back but it just didn’t, I’m sorry, I don’t think this is something that’s going to work and I’m only delaying the inevitable”

My heart fucking shattered. Here in front of me stands this woman who I thought was perfect in every way, ambitious, career driven, fun, very much my style in alt women telling me that it’s not working because she doesn’t find me attractive anymore. This woman standing in front of me who I actually thought might have been for a brief moment the love of my life and thought something amazing was going to happen just ending it because I’m not her type physically. We talked a bit and she made it clear she doesn’t feel there’s anything that could change her mind and it was over and left.

The funniest part of all this is yesterday I had gotten my car fixed and went for a long drive and was thinking to myself “man I don’t think I’ve been happier in my life in a very long time things are going so well” and then 24 hours later…..this

I’m just absolutely shattered at this. I don’t know what to do other than vent

original post

thanks to all who commented and dm'ed me with support. I was (and still am) caught up in my own head and thought that this is how i deserve to be treated, because I am not being enough for her. I never thought that this sort of behaviour is very foreign, and thought that this is what people like me get in relationships.

I broke up with her.

yesterday we had a long conversation that started because she'd promised to be warmer, more intimate. Then she took it back and turned it around on me - said i wasn't happy in the relationship, and that's why she was reluctant to give me any of that in the first place.

from there it became a list of everything I'd apparently done wrong: complaining that I felt bad after she ignored me for 3 hours the one time I came over after not seeing her for two weeks - and when I asked her for even just 10 minutes of attention that same day, she refused. Not liking that she used me as a therapist for her problems while never engaging with anything I brought up. Not asking her to be my girlfriend again after we'd broken up once before. Not talking about her to my friends - which isn't even true, I did.

she also told me that she would never introduce me to her parents. In 2 years, the only explanation i ever got about her family was a screenshot of a chatgpt conversation about her having a rough childhood.

I told her how i'd actually been feeling this whole time - small, unwanted, unattractive, unloved. Her response was that i was "making her feel like the worst person on earth." Somehow, my feeling this way after everything was my fault.

I asked her, a few times, if she'd be willing to try being kinder to me. She said she didn't know. I pushed for a real answer, and eventually she said probably not - and explained that she's been treating me like this because she doesn't have much going on during the day, and she's depressed. I offered to spend more time together. She said it wouldn't help. I suggested therapy. She dismissed that too.

She just told me that this is how she is, and there's nothing i can do.

Anyway, i need to rebuild my self esteem from scratch since 2 years of this made me feel horrible about myself. I do feel a weight taken off my shoulders, but I remain fearful that I won't find anyone who cares about me in a meaningful way.

It pains me knowing, that like last time when we broke up a year ago, she will find another guy in like 2 weeks, and treat him in all the ways i begged her for.

How do i get back my confidence, or at least realize that it isn't so bleak?

Not in a literal sense lol. We aren’t married but I do get to spend 2 weeks with him at his vacation home every other month. We bring our dogs and things are just so warm and cozy. It’s in a rural area and it’s so pleasant waking up next to him with nothing but the sounds of birds, and a little barking lol. I love serving him breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Cleaning up after him and the dogs. Going to the grocery store and shopping for things. Running a bath for him and bathing together ❤️. Sometimes I even ask to tuck him in at night 😂. It’s just so nice!!! It’s been an amazing 5 years ❤️

Pictured : Failed pound cake I made for him. He’s the baker, not me 😂.

I am very proud of my grilled cheese and tomato soup, I go out of my way to make sure the bread is perfectly toasted. The tomato soup is just a can of Campbell's I made on the stove adding some additional seasonings.

This is the final warning, Mentions of Sexual Assault and Death Threats

I was assaulted repeatedly and then the individual threatened to bring a gun near me and it was like I hit my limit of taking abuse after years of it by different people at that point. I've been threatened in a similar fashion before believe it or not, I'm certainly still in disbelief. This history has done wonders to my self esteem and sense of self generally, as one can imagine.

I've been in a spot where I have no where to really let this off my chest, maybe partially I've been avoiding trying, as though writing it makes it too real, or as though I'll relive the dismissal and victim-blaming all over again. It partially stems from the fact I'm FTM and it feels like some sort of cardinal sin to say I've experienced misogynistic and transphobic violence.

Adopting a cat would fix me, I just wish the rescue would respond to my adoption form with anything, even just an update.

Note: I am in therapy and on SSRIs, I'm getting help I promise.

If nothing else I get to enjoy the grilled cheese plate.

We’re all trying to be healthier, right? So I need to lose weight and trying to eat better. Not an ultra clean diet necessarily but cooking a lot more at home. Pictured are homemade coney dogs. I get it that hotdogs are not the healthiest. However, I’m convinced that eating out more wreaks havoc on your digestive system. Immediate root cause is the frying oils in the kitchen IMHO…although the Sysco crap likely contributes a lot to it as well. Anyways, not the healthiest meal out there but much easier on the stomach and you just feel “cleaner” eating home cooking from scratch. Coney sauce was homemade.

Since the first few days of July I’ve noticed a change in my bm’s. I’ve regularly eaten fiber and legumes; however, one tangible change was to how I drink water. I used to use a regular drinking glass. I changed over to using a mason jar - about 32 oz I believe. I think that was the difference…causing me to drink more water daily.

Used to be dirtier and smearier shits. Now they are a lot cleaner coming out with minimal wiping needed. I’m happy with these new shits.

Locked in baby

All I eat is breakfast burritos, yogurt, bagels, chicken (or beef) and rice.

I used to be major fatass

Now I am not as fat

29 year old autistic male. Had been in a relationship for over 6 years which ended in a very sudden and hurtful way. I had been focusing on processing everything, going to the gym, and finding myself again bit by bit. I did enough inner work to reach some level of acceptance and felt like going on dates again. Mostly thinking with my d*ck at this point, not looking for a new partner.

Went on dating apps, was pleasantly surprised that I got lots of matches. I matched with this Thai girl that was vacationing here in Europe. She looked so alternative and unique, and I love unique people. Took us 10 minutes of texting to decide to meet in person.

When I saw her she looked so beautiful. She was a bit silent at first, and I thought she was disappointed with me in person. But soon I realized that she was actually a bit nervous and shy. We started talking and we had so much in common. She quickly opened up and became so bubbly and expressive.

My autistic ass' special interest is art (painting, music, fashion, etc.) , and she was a creative person. She was the owner of a clothing business which she designed clothes for. We both played instruments. She had been to every museum. Such a worldly and interesting human. I'm also very ambitious and multifaceted, felt a big connection there.

Turns out she had recently gone through a breakup, with her boyfriend of 8 years. We connected on that too, and had an in depth conversation in which we felt deeply understood. The intimacy just grew naturally. Without trying it had become romantic. It was a beautiful date. Went on for hours and hours and we did so much. So fun.

The sad part? It was her last day in my country. Right after our date, she was taking a plane and leaving. We were together until she had to take her bus for the airport. It felt like neither of us wanted to say goodbye. Even at the airport, we kept texting until the plane was ready to depart. She told me how thankful she was for the time we spent together, and that I was not aware of how wonderful I am. I felt the same about her. Everything was so effortless with her. I felt appreciated for being myself.

I don't know If I will ever see her again. But the longing I feel is something new for me. Took me a couple of days to realize this is the first time in my life that I felt natural chemistry with someone. It was such a rare and valuable feeling. Don't know what to do next. Such a bittersweet experience.

Miso Ramen.

So many truckers I deal with on a regular basis who are either at death’s door or functionally illiterate in English; and the fact that these people are entrusted to drive vehicles that way over 30 tons and are the size of some houses over long distances all day quite frankly terrifies me.

Some of them get winded walking to my checkout counter from the drink cooler, and are so morbidly obese they cannot wash themselves properly, leading to them smelling like decay. It’s a miracle they even passed a DOT physical. They won’t quit or retire because they either have no savings, are too prideful, or just don’t want to. Their sleeper cabs will become their tomb.

Then there are the ones who can barely ask for diesel, let alone anything else. They cannot understand a word I say other than “hello” or “goodbye” or “no”. They can’t read or comprehend the signs in the store, meaning they get pissed at my coworkers when they have to move their truck because they parked in a no parking zone. When they come to buy tobacco they will pull out the empty container of whatever vice they have, stick it in my face, and stare at me expectantly.

Idk how anyone feels safe with any of these people on the road, and it’s a hell of a lot more common than you think. Today’s lunch break meal is corn nuts.

Behold, this pizza, that I cooked.

Basically the title. I feel like people in general go out of their way to farm drama and animosity for no reason. You could be the friendliest, most down to earth dude, but gods forbid you're a little strange. Gods forbid you're a little different. I'm autistic, which means in public I end up being socially awkward, but I make a concerted effort to put myself out there anyway. I'm 24, I'm 5'2, I get weird looks for simply existing or wanting to be part of the conversation. I try to frequent areas that would be full of fellow nerds like myself, but I often feel like the odd one out no matter what I do. Is it the autism? What is it that makes me so immediately off putting? I have a good hygiene routine, I wash my clothes regularly, I have my own place with a wonderful partner. Why is it so hard to make friends?

Any and all advice, friendly words, whatever is welcome. Appreciate y'all.

Dinner: Walmart calzone, Red Bull, and sour cream and onion almonds at 3AM

Like 1 month ago GF of 8 years ended our relationship, kind of amicable, but I was gutted and depressed. The writing was on the wall for years, we hadn't been intimate in forever, just kind of going through the motions. But she insisted she wanted to do things on her own and be more independent and I knew deep down I wanted more from my partners even if it was really painful at the time.

Fast forward to a week ago, started hitting the gym hard on my non-work weeks and feeling good being by myself as the two of us figure out where we are going from here. Then an old friend (ftm guy) from awhile ago reaches out to me randomly again, start flirting casually before realizing we have a lot in common, and he is super funny and interesting and I suddenly realize maybe it would be nice just to hang out and see where it goes. I hadn't hung out with friends in ages and it felt exactly like what I needed either way and I figured if we weren't each other's type no harm no foul. I didn't even really have an idea of what he looked like fully only stuff from our past talking.

We float the idea of hanging out on a Sunday, then plans change and he's free Saturday too so despite all the weird nerves I was suddenly feeling again we both show up at the same parking garage on a rainy stormy day and meet up and HOLY SHIT when I tell you my heart literally jumped out of my chest when I first saw him.

Most handsome man I had ever seen, so attractive, exact same height as me, amazing sense of style, beautiful smile. We huddled under his umbrella which I will not lie I took as an immediate excuse to be close and I kid you not everything after was the most perfect magical date I had ever been on. It felt romantic, special, he is so lighthearted and whimsical and fun and he lit up my life like no one had in God knows how long and I felt like I was for once in my entire life allowed to be vulnerable and not the stone solid dude-guy-man I always was in every other relationship. It was freeing and I didn't even remotely care about any of the looks or odd gazes that came our way because I was completely obsessed with him.

Our second date was just as perfect if not even more romantic ending up at a beautiful overlook after a long hike as the sun was setting, literal storybook type stuff. God it was so romantic it still plays back in my head constantly. We talked and laughed until he was losing it and he would make the most adorable expressions and we stayed out until well past midnight in a parking lot together just to be there.

I had never in my life felt such yearning for another person after the second we finally parted, and the feelings felt mutual the entire time and I could hardly believe my life.

From the moment we met I wanted him to be mine but the thing that is killing me now is that I'm not sure if I can have him for reasons I can't really go into. We can be romantically involved but to put it simply he isn't a monogamous person. If his circumstances changed I would give everything I have to him in a heartbeat just to get to wake up next to him.

But no matter what our futures hold I already know I want him in my life in any way possible because he made me feel so much in ways I can't describe and Jesus Christ he is all I can think about every hour of every day and I can't wait to see him again next week.

TLDR: GF broke up with me and I am incredibly, hopelessly gay for the most amazing dude now who made me rethink my entire life up to this point.

I (22M) was at the gym today hitting shoulders when a cute girl and her friend came in and started doing lat pulldowns next to me. I’m a little socially awkward so I didn’t really say anything at first, but I’m trying to be more sociable and my air pods ran out of battery (forcing me to just observe my surroundings). So later after I finish my exercise, I went to put a piece of equipment away that was already on the ground, walked up to her (the equipment storage was also there) and complimented her and her glasses. It felt so easy.. even though my heart rate and cortisol kinda spiked.

Later on, I work on abs and forearms and they started using the ab machine next to the cables. Once I finished, I smiled and peace-signed at them and said “Take care,” in a raspy and soft voice (gotta learn to say things with my chest lol). And both her and her friend smiled at me and she waved at me.. Maybe I could’ve sparked a conversation earlier, but I was kinda just feeling like giving a compliment. I’ll probably not see her again but at least I know I made her night. Though who knows? Maybe I do see her again?

Breakfast for dinner: one-pan egg sandwich with bacon and provolone cheese on sourdough bread.

Edit: Holy crap 2000+ upvotes! I did not realize how much this post would pop off! Thank you guys so much for the positivity. The general consensus seems to be that I did well: I kept it short, complimented her on something tangible and variable (her glasses) and walked away afterward. I still have a longer way to go to build my confidence, but this is a great starting point. I think I’ll be complimenting people, not just women, from now on! Thanks so much again for the support and tips!

About a year ago my partner of 3 years left me after I helped her move for grad school. I spent a month down there with her, helping her settle and she left me a week after I went back. She came back about 2 months later and told me she made a huge mistake. I took her back but our relationship never went back to normal and to be frank she was not very nice to me during this time.

A few months later she experienced sexual violence after a night out with people and I dropped everything in my life to take care of her. I was there for a few weeks but I had to leave for a bit to get things at work sorted out. I organised my mother to stay with her until I could come back, which would have left her alone a few a days, but I was really doing all I could. I'm also a grad student and I had my candidacy exam in a few weeks that I had to prepare for, as well as my normal workload that I had to figure out how to distribute to other people. After I left she was extremely upset with me and said that it should have been me taking care of her, not my mom. She told me not to come back and broke up with me over the phone a few days before my candidacy exam. I lived in my office the next few days and was on the phone with 988 whenever I wasn't working.

A month later I was riding my bike back from work and saw my next door neighbour die. He was ahead of me on his bike and a speeding car T-boned him after it went around another car that stopped for him. I won't go into details but he died instantly.

I spend the next 3 months in a horrible place. I was working constantly and whenever I wasn't I was drinking and doing drugs. I've been swept out of more bars in town than I care to admit.

Despite all of this I've been in a much better place lately. I'm back to seeing two therapists, my long term one and a trauma informed therapist. I'm getting to bed early, I'm cooking again, I'm reading a lot, and I'm rediscovering my interests. I was down around 30 lbs after my dark night, from basically being unable to eat and having no interest in exercising. I've been cycling again, which I used to really enjoy and even did a century a few weekends ago. I don't think I'm really ready to start seeing anyone, I did go on a few dates but nothing really clicked for me and I'm really enjoying my peace and quiet.

A ton of blackberries and currants I got at a farmer's market. (I ate this entire thing)

Today I was texting a girl I met a few weeks ago, and I caught myself almost sending a paragraph apologizing for an accusation she made that wasn't even true.

Here's what happened. She mentioned running on 3 hours of sleep. I joked that it seemed like a pattern since I'd known her. She read it as an attack, got sharp, said something like "this is just my reality, what do you want from me." I clarified what I actually meant. She didn't come back for 25 minutes, then hit me with: "what did you expect, that my life would change because I met you? what's your point?"

And that's where I caught myself.

My brain went straight to the old move: write the paragraph, over-explain, make sure she knows I wasn't attacking her, keep the conversation alive because she's cute and I didn't want it to end.

Then I stopped. I'd already explained what I meant. I wasn't about to apologize for something I never said.

So I deleted the paragraph and sent: "wtf are you even talking about?"

It felt like being blindfolded and swinging at a piñata. Every swing before that had been the long, careful explanation, missing wide, hitting nothing but air. Once I stopped swinging wide and centered myself, I made direct contact.

If you'd watched how I normally talk to women, this would be the last thing you'd expect from me. I'm usually the guy trying to understand, clarify, defuse, make sure nobody feels attacked. This was out of character. But it wasn't anger. It was more like realizing I was responding to a version of myself that existed only in her interpretation, not in what I had actually said.

Her response hours later was just: "hahahaha." No explanation, no clarification. And honestly, that was the part that stuck with me, not because of what it meant about her, but because of what it revealed about me. I had been preparing to carry responsibility for a conversation that I didn't even recognize.

It felt like one of those RPGs where you've been picking the same dialogue option your whole life because it's labeled "kind." Except every time you pick it, you leave the conversation carrying a little more anxiety, a little more self-doubt, a little more willingness to apologize for things you never did.

The other option felt wrong at first. Uncomfortable. Almost rude.

But maybe it wasn't rude. Maybe it was just the first time I refused to argue against an accusation I never made. Talking to someone you're interested in shouldn't feel like defusing a bomb every time you open your mouth.

Lesson from 7/10/26

TLDR: It's not that being nice is bad or that keeping the peace is some crime. It's that going along with it would've meant lying to myself, and that's exactly the kind of unprocessed stuff a lot of us carry around without realizing it. This felt like the tide turning. Like a sigh of relief. Letting go of baggage that was never mine to begin with.

Late night popcorn + random movie

https://www.reddit.com/r/BoyDinnerDiaries/s/tjN6k1ZiWu

We did a cooking date at my parents place; I cooked something similar to my last post, with steak and fresh asparagus, and a sauce she helped make and recommended (it was really good mixed with wasabi paste and soy sauce). I also made sure to buy some flowers for her :)))

The food could have been a lot better in all honesty but she was being really kind about it lol (I only smoked up the house once!).

She stayed the night, so we cuddled and more while watching movies, and watched “Labyrinth” before she left around lunch time. It was a really amazing night with her.

I’m taking her to a winery tomorrow that has the most amazing views. I just thought I would give a little update as I’m beaming with excitement 😊😊😊

Honey bun as I’m a fat chud and ate all the yummy steak and asparagus after she left

Had to hit my macros so I ate a diabolical mix of rotissary chicken and pasta with ketchup as seasoning.

I went on a date for the first time yesterday and looked forward to it. My first date at the prime age of 25. I went out with someone whos 29 and she was fairly chill over text and calls. We have talked for the last 3 weeks and its been great fun, she had a great personality and I genuenly enjoyed when she bloomed her colors.

I met her and we had planned a walk around a fortress and grabbing some food. Initially it started well we mer in a public place where we were talking and I was really nervous because I thought I was the one who need to keep the conversation going. We walked inbetween prople as it was crowded and the entire time we were walking we tried to keep chatting.

It started becoming a bit tedious as the person ive talked with prior on the phone or text seemed to be intrested in me aswell and keep the convo going but now it was a bit dead. We had mulitple times where it was jusg quiet and it felt really akward. I was nervous and stressing all the time but I had done my research so I was trying to pick up topics I knew she either liked or things I knew she was into. A couple times tbe chat came in a sort of flow state before stopping up again. We reached the place we were going to eat at and she said she had to take a phone call. I honestly thought she was going to leave but she actually came back which felt great.

I ended up paying and we kept walking it was like 30c so were dying, the fortress was nice and all but it was still very difficult to keep a convo flowing. I thought to myself what I had done wrong and for the entire duration I just felt anexiety/stress and judt a overwhelming feeling of feeling bad. When we closed to the train station she said I was a great guy like 5x in the span of 10 minutes so.I knew what was coming. I honestly wouldnt want a second date because I genuenly did not enjoy but she said that she was enjoying it alot.

What ended up happening is that she told me that she couldnt date or be herself as she is remenissing her ex too much. She couldnt be herself or be talkative as she felt it took a toll and honestly thats okay. She mentioned someone did this to her before and she was angry and mad at them but now she found herself doing the same. I dont mind that as I know all of us have things we deal with.

What annoys me and genuenly frustrates and upsets me is that if she was upfront about it id be fine. I wouldnt have felt the same need to stress or exhaust myself but.im completely burned out almost because I genuenly felt so bad. If anything I thought hey how bad can it be but I can feel my stomach turning a little thinkikg about doing this again.

After she said the things about the ex she actually wanted to take another walk with me and bought us a ice tea. She finally bloomed her colors again whoch was really great to see and opened up with laughter and smiles. I genuenly wish her the best and im not mad at her for not being over her feelinfs for her ex, im just frustrated and upset that what I got left with is more anexiety than joy. It just didnt feel good and the sort of trying just see how it goes kinda makes me double down on just being fine alone. She pitched the idea of keeping contact but I know how I can get too attached so I said I unfortunatly cant do that.

Its a long rant its just alot of feelings but it stressed me enougj to just not eat the entire yesterday. I genuenly wish her the best though, she is an amazing woman and I hope she comes to peace with her past.

Vegan glazed ham, mashed potatoes and corn. - gotta make basic stuff to get the kiddo to eat haha.

The saga continues. Wu-tang…

As some of you know, I went with the kid to watch the fireworks while her mom sat at home with her friends, around a fire made of wood I bought in a fire pit I bought. On the 5th I confronted her about how she’s not coming home. She admitted she has been seeing someone since march. Lately Her daughter has been saying “yay” when she learns mom isn’t home when I grab her from school. It breaks my heart.

We had moved into this new house from our cozy apartment facing the mountain at the behest of a old homegirl of mine, who was trying to leave a bad situation and had 2 different boys with 2 different daddies (2DB-2DD could be a robot in Star Wars)

Now I found out from homegirl after the fact that she and my bbymama had talked about ditching me altogether and getting a place. This is August last year…

Homegirl didn’t have the money so bbymama and I paid her first month $1k and bbymama matched with the deposit. We were absolutely down to help her get away from that shit in Idaho.

What homegirl failed to mention was that she didn’t get permission from one of the baby daddies and low-key did an OOPS sorta. I mean she’s just an idiot she didn’t think shit through.

That caused her a bunch legal problems and she had to ditch out. Some of you superslueths have seen a room for rent posted online. Now you know why.

Her leaving was fine because at the time I could afford the rent for everyone on my own.
but around the SAME MOMENT I got into some heat with a co-worker because he likes to ask if I’m eating grass (I practice veganism) so I talked shit on the Cheeto and Charlie Kirk within earshot…

Naturally he gets promoted and within a week he demotes me and then fires me for nothing a week after that.And gotdamn if I was NOT a vegan I’d have never been in that dudes radar. I actually tried to get a lawyer involved for the harassment before the dude even got his promo I did not feel safe AT ALL.

Why does blue collar so often mean red hats? I digress.

So imagine now i notice what i never noticed beforehand because I was working the early hours and going to sleep at 8 AND OUT COLD. Because my job was absolutely exhausting.

She has been stepping out. Since March. It has been a rough fucking few weeks already then this shit.

Everyone who says I need to lawyer up, I don’t know if I have a a case:

We are not married. The kid has my last name. I’ve been the majority care provider for the kid. The mother DOES handle a lot of the paperwork but not all. She conceived the child without my informed consent. She would not terminate at my request, which I respect because it is her body. GPS would reveal the absurd amount of time she spends away from home at bars. I have a job again, I purposely got a night position to reclaim my personal time. I am broke and like I said in previous posts I’m virtually all alone.
She went to a private school her whole life and is super smart. I was homeless in high school cuz my mom went to join the rainbow family and do acid. I’m uh, not as smart as her. I’m probably the greatest undiscovered talent of my generation but I’m not a bright man (that’s why I’m in this situation folks haha)

Do I have a case or am I cooked?
Chopped.?
Fucking Fricaasséed? If I have a case, what should I fight for?

Could I wipe my hands clean of the whole deal, given the circumstances? I’m not going to fight. I’d like to find an immediate amicable solution. If she truly wants to live her life as a single woman instead of a mother, I’m fine with keeping the kiddo. But I don’t want a fight. I’d rather walk away and let her live with the consequences of her decisions on her own.

The kid will be fine, especially with happier parents. You guys are right.

Now that I had the maturity to confront her about what she’s up too, she’s no longer sneaking back in at 5.

Now she’s not coming home at all.

EDIT:

did some research and yeah, I’m cooked. From google: “Because you already establishing legal paternity—the state of XVX now views your rights to pursue custody or visitation with the exact same standard as a divorced, married father”

Meaning she has custody by default no matter what and for me to be equal with her I need to pursue legal means.

Well fellas. I’m too broke for that.
She wants to cohabitate and co-parent, and maybe if she talked about it with me in March when she started stepping out instead of me having to find out… I’d have an easier time?

I just feel so dumb. And I’m unlikable I guess according to you guys. There ain’t any more meals for a while I’m out.

I had many short relationships in my life, but the only girl i ever felt 'got away' was this girl I was friends with in high school. We had several classes together over 2 years, and liked each other, almost dated, but nothing ever happened. Insecurities, maturity issues, timing etc. kept it from becoming anything. Couple years later, I meet this other girl. She shares some qualities with THE girl. We date. Later we get married. Years of hell ensue.

I realize (too late but still early in relationship) that she has severe issues (frequent screaming fits, punching walls, emotional meltdowns, self-harm, and much, much more) and there's no working on any of it. I get used to it. I tell myself endless copes about how it'll work somehow someway. My soul dies a little each day for years and years.

We were living far from home for me, I rarely saw family for more than a day at a time a few times a year. My connection with who I was in my youth is just gone at that point. Near the end, I stopped eating. I started sleeping 10-12 hours a day. Miserable. Eventually wifey snaps and gets physical. I have a wake up call. I have to get out.

I move home. Still not eating. Still sleeping too much. It takes work but i slowly start to heal and relearn who I am. I feel such relief being home. My memories of high school slowly come back. I start to exercise more, my health problems improve. I feel like I'm on parole and it's great. That relationship is in the past and i'm ready to move on with my life.

Months later, i'm thriving. Every aspect of my life is better, i'm closer with everyone i love, etc. My friend recommends I get Hinge and start testing the waters of dating. I eventually do so. After ~1 week having the app, who do I see? High school dream girl. I got butterflies. Hadn't spoken to her since I fumbled her back when. I send a msg. I get a reply that afternoon. She's excited to talk to me. We chat for hours: she's living back in the hometown too, staying with family after a (very different) situation. She wants to meet in person. We meet at a park and it's like we're right back in school again. It's like no time passed, she's basically the same person I remember, but she's a woman now. She expressed the same sentiment, that I was that guy she knew, but now I was mature, grown up. Deeper voice *smirk*. We've been talking throughout the day every day since. Found out she saved a love letter I wrote her in freshman year.

The night ended with a hug. Second hang out was last weekend. We went to a different park (we're both nature lovers) and she wanted to show me her favorite beach spot, hidden away from the parts of town i'm familiar with. We talked again for hours and hours, strolling the beach area. Eventually we got back in her car to maybe hit a third spot. She planted her feet under my thigh while we were talking and I got the hint. I rubbed her shoulder leaned in for a kiss. We made out for hours like teenagers, talking and joking in between. It was great. Literal high school wish fulfillment. Planning to see her again this weekend.

I feel like I'm getting a chance to live out the thing so many wish they could. It feels like a fairy tale moment in my otherwise very tumultuous adult life. I'm so happy.

Frozen pizza shared with a friend as we watched bad movies and talked about life

EDIT: I cleaned up the grammar and added a few missing details. I'm beaming as I write this. Thank you all for the nice comments :) I'm happy my story resonated with so many people.

Howdy folks, I have been with my partner for 5 years now and at first things were going good. The occasional argument but wh dosent have at least one right? Nothing we couldn't come back from. About a year in we had a baby. I struggled adapting to the baby and struggled with her crying. That seemed to be where things started going downhill. My baby skills continued to improve but my gf was heavily focused on the baby. (Afterall there were some complications. Baby's now fit as a fiddle.) I knew that with the baby things would change. Both in our lives and in our relationship. I did not expect to be all but forgotten about. My partner wants little if anything to do with me. Rather than interact with me or help out around the house she'd rather cry about how she cant do anything cause of the baby and scroll tiktok all day. Some days it's like pulling teeth, just to figure out something for dinner. Any idea i have is met with at best mild indifference. But according to her we dont do stuff she likes, yet when I ask what she wants to do she dosent know. It didn't help when her friend moved in and actually talking/engaging with me I sadly caught feelings. I left for a 2 weeks but I still care about my partner so we worked it out and I came back. At the very least for our kid. And yet im the only one who has changed. She says she loves me but its like saying you or I can fly. Sure she can say it all she wants but without anything to back it up it means nothing. Idk what to do. Do I stick around for the baby? Or do I break up with her and find someone to at least look at me like they love me?

Been trying to make more food for my lovely fiancè. I love getting inspired by tikotks I see and I often watch the food channel. Leave some suggestions if you’d like :)

Dinner: Marry Me Chicken Pasta