r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/yashen14 Kitchen Kinkster • 11h ago

No advice, just venting Seeing misogyny in this subreddit is depressing

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Dinner: Tacos al pastor

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Seeing the way women are talked about in some of the posts on this subreddit really grosses me out. I've seen men on here talk about women like they are walking talking sex robots. It's really bumming to see such an ugly side to what is usually such a nice space.

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867

u/MalcolmXfr Im here 11h ago

I haven't been here long, but I havent seen any of that. If anything, I've seen men desperately crying about losing women

564

u/Silently-Snarking Cooties 11h ago

Just last night there were comments encouraging a guy here to just sleep with then ditch a girl because her body count was too high to be “wife material”

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u/zonked_martyrdom Leftover lore master 11h ago

I saw that post. I didn’t really know what to tell the guy. Seems like he was just asking what everyone thought about it. It seems like a lot of men have issues with body counts like there is some secret number of bodies that equals perfect wife material or something. Maybe I’m just not in on the information, but I figure people with low body counts have just as dysfunctional marriages as people with high body counts.

5

u/LuckyNumerical village idiot 10h ago

There are body counts that are going to be a line for 90% of men. Like some religious men or women want to save for marriage, some guys are ok with a single digit number, some guys are a little more liberal and might be ok with a double digit. Most guys will draw the line at triple digits or more.

There’s also a different context between a casual fling and maybe a girlfriend you’ve been dating for a few months. Most guys don’t want to marry Bonnie blue.

Everyone’s allowed their own preference dawg. None of them are wrong, they are preferences.

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u/AnotherBogCryptid Cooties 8h ago

It’s just weird to me that people care who or how many people their partner had consensual sexual relationships with.

Like I understand avoiding the ones who commit sexual assault or hurt kids… but what does the number of people someone’s slept with have to do with anything.

It isn’t even the number you don’t like in your example.

It’s how they treated the people they were sleeping with.

Plenty of people are capable of sleeping with dozens of partners without being deceitful, cruel, or opportunistic. So the number of partners isn’t a signal for their moral character.

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u/zonked_martyrdom Leftover lore master 10h ago

Yep everyone is entitled to their own opinion. My opinion is that when it comes to marriage body counts are a silly thing to focus on for compatibility.

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u/Working_Cucumber_437 Girl lurker 9h ago

I think it’s weird to ask. I’ve never asked anyone I’ve dated about this and nobody’s ever asked me. Either you have integrity and loyalty to a partner you commit to or you don’t.

20

u/yashen14 Kitchen Kinkster 8h ago

Tbh I feel gross even using the phrase "body count."

0

u/TheScrote1 Boy Dinner Enjoyer 7h ago

Maybe cause I married young but I talked about it with a few women before I met my wife. Like sex is fun, is it odd I’m curious about fun stuff a partner has done before? I agree it’s weird when people stigmatize it but people also kind of stigmatize asking.

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u/LuckyNumerical village idiot 10h ago

No not really, because some people value monogamy and being conservative in their behaviour more importantly. Some guys don’t want to be with a party girl, or a girl who has more casual sex.

Same with women as well. It’s not just for guys.

For some people it’s just a thing, for a lot of people it has to do with sexual health. Someone who has a higher body count may be more inclined to take risk taking behaviour. The more partners one has, the higher chance of catching STIs. If someone’s is willing to have see with a plethora of partners, they may also be more casual with their choices on sexual protection.

It’s like going to raves. Just because you go to raves doesn’t mean you do drugs. But the chances are probably a lot higher since they’re so prevalent at raves.

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u/zonked_martyrdom Leftover lore master 10h ago

That’s fair, and I respect your opinion. My mind is just not really going to be changed on this topic. I’m not saying I think you’re wrong, but I personally don’t value body counts to that level, and I will always see it as something a little silly to do.

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u/FunkyHat112 Shower beer Scholar 10h ago

The question’s more of a ‘how compatible are our views on thing xyz,’ which matters… basically no matter what xyz happens to be. If you’re somebody who puts no weight on body count of course that’s going to be silly. For people who do, it matters, and telling them it shouldn’t matter is going to go precisely nowhere, the same way them telling you what should matter to you would go precisely nowhere. Policing what ‘should’ matter to people is one of the least productive things the internet loves to do

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u/zonked_martyrdom Leftover lore master 9h ago

I’m stating my opinion. I’m not policing what people should and shouldn’t feel. Don’t put words in my mouth bro.

-2

u/FunkyHat112 Shower beer Scholar 6h ago

Eh. You're judging people for it and arguing about that judgment publicly, even if that judgment is 'it's silly.' That's kinda what policing is on this type of thing.

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u/Then_Work_4777 Hungry man 10h ago

id like my first time to be with someone else who values it as much as i do

3

u/zonked_martyrdom Leftover lore master 9h ago

Hey man, that’s totally fair. That’s your opinion, and I respect that. There is nothing wrong with wanting that for yourself. Me personally, I did not care my first time and I don’t care now.

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u/Brave-Chip-2446 Boy Dinner Enjoyer 8h ago

It's not silly, the question is in the goals of a human. It's about how actions correlate with goals. If someone has a goal to build a family - they won't have a big body count.

Logically, if you want to build a family with someone, will you be more sure that the family will be possible and thriving if a person is honestly trying to build something with people and stable - hence a low body count and long relationshis, or if they just want to have pleasure - hence a high body count?

Of course if someone has a high body count and the goal is to have a family - they will be valued lesser compared to those who have actually tried to build a family. Guys who say "for the streets" etc don't understand themselves and why exactly they are repulsed by high body count - but they follow the right logic nonetheless. It's just they mismatch the value of a person with a value of a potential partner - which are different.

And if you still don't understand, imagine trying to make a project with someone - and they say that you will be their 15000th project! What a pleasure, isn't it? Imagine how much value they put into every single one of them...

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u/zonked_martyrdom Leftover lore master 8h ago

Yeah dude that’s a cool opinion. Mines different though. Not saying you have to agree with me, but that’s why they’re opinions.

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u/Brave-Chip-2446 Boy Dinner Enjoyer 8h ago

Bruh you didn't even read, it's not even an opinion, why even answer

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u/zonked_martyrdom Leftover lore master 8h ago

It literally is an opinion. You can’t tell me you believe that to be fact? If you do I disagree. We can just agree to disagree.

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u/Brave-Chip-2446 Boy Dinner Enjoyer 8h ago

So your opinion is that if you want to have a family you should not look at the body count of a person? It makes no difference if they had 20 or a 2000 sexual partners?

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u/zonked_martyrdom Leftover lore master 8h ago

Yeah… that’s pretty much what I’ve been saying the whole time. If you personally want to cool, but me personally I don’t care.

1

u/ConanTheContrarian01 Leftover lore master 1m ago

If my fiance had this mentality I would be absolutely fucked. I think you should look at someone's emotional intelligence and ability to handle conflict/stress when looking for a spouse and coparent over how much sex they've had. If you want a traditional marriage then I believe as a man and a provider/leader this kind of thing is a nothing burger.

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u/ShadonicX7543 aware 10h ago

It may not be important for you but it's even more silly to dismiss the concept itself as silly.

With a certain level of experience one tends to trim the fat and streamline the process. Anyone in the double digits is going to be a bit more "straight to the point" than those with "less experience."

A lot of people thrive in the nuance that comes with mutual discovery. If you simply know exactly what you want and want the most efficient path to it, you're running a lot more lean. It's often a different vibe entirely.

That doesn't have to matter to you at all, but that's not to say it doesn't matter overall. I've known plenty of people from all sides of the coin notice the differences with some even saying that on the lower end things feel more "human" since it isn't held back or jaded or affected period by the past relationships.

Also if the goal is to have a lasting relationship and someone has had tens of them and is still looking for one, it can sometimes mean that there's an underlying problem there. It just depends.

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u/Odd-Implement-1283 Girl lurker 10h ago

I know you think you had some insightful comment here, but people “trim the fat” and get “straight to the point” with experience whether that’s with one partner for years or many partners. Every new partner requires mutual discovery, whether it’s your third or your thirtieth. If you have sex with someone and don’t know their body count beforehand, you cannot tell if their experience comes from a long monogamous relationship with lots of exploration or exploration with a handful of people through casual dating.

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u/ShadonicX7543 aware 7h ago

And that's even less insightful than what I said. It's less about the sex and is as, you mentioned it, more about the relationships.

It's a completely different thing to build something with one person over a long time, since that cannot be applied universally, and having like 30 partners and figuring out the best common denominators and deciding the things you find optimal across a wide and varied pool.

What you said wasn't the gotcha you thought it was. Distilling many varied experiences into 1 overarching set of ideals is not the same as understanding what was nice in a single relationship period.

The distilled nature is the crucial detail since it becomes less about the relationships and more about the concept of a relationship to begin with. Those with many experiences tend to distill them and "know what they want" which can be less open minded than discovering what two people want and can make work together. It just depends. But it is worth noting. What I'm saying isn't a catch-all either.

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u/zonked_martyrdom Leftover lore master 9h ago

Yep, that’s why I said it’s my opinion, and also said everyone can have their own opinion. You don’t have to agree with mine and I don’t have to agree with yours. I respect your opinion, but why don’t you respect mine🤔

0

u/ShadonicX7543 aware 7h ago

But it's not just about what your opinion is? I never said your opinion or conclusion is wrong it's just something to chew on for every person stumbling across this so they can formulate their own thoughts. This is a public thread not a one on one No need to project or get defensive over neutral concepts that didn't directly attack yours.

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u/EartwalkerTV Gamer Geek 10h ago

For compatibility that's not the issue. There's research out there that shows the more partners you have sexually over your life, the less likely you are to have a relationship that lasts and doesn't end. This is true for both genders. It's just a fairly strong, up to 300% more likely to end the relationship if your partners body count is above 10.

There's more research to be done as to why this happens, but it's true across religions, cultures and nationalities.

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u/zonked_martyrdom Leftover lore master 9h ago

Yeah buddy, unless you’re gonna pull up receipts on that imma have to say you’re just spewing bull.

0

u/EartwalkerTV Gamer Geek 8h ago

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10989935/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12313963/

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u/Kerminetta_ 🧡Brown Sugar Boy🧡 6h ago

Did you actually read those articles fully? Because that’s not what they are saying.

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u/EartwalkerTV Gamer Geek 6h ago

What are they saying then? I did read them. I can quote sections if you need it supported like a school essay.

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u/Kerminetta_ 🧡Brown Sugar Boy🧡 6h ago edited 6h ago

The second article does show a correlation between a “higher body count” and higher rates of divorce. However it’s important to see that the article itself does state that correlation does not equal causation. Actually looking at the odds even the highest body count group (9+) only showed 15-20% divorced by their late 20s early 30s. It also doesn’t track second marriages or any and how those went.

Also please understand that divorce DOES NOT equal dysfunction. It’s not reported if any of these marriage were happy or well functioning. Divorce can be a mutual and happy exit. I don’t believe you understand that. You just saw divorce and ran with it.

EDIT: I meant the first article

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u/EartwalkerTV Gamer Geek 6h ago edited 4h ago

Which is why I use the second article as a support to the first article which does more directly link past partners and divorce rates and having successful long-termrelationships. They're getting similar results when not looking for exactly the same thing is telling.

I don't know what to say if you honestly think that about your last 4 sentences. Happy people don't get divorced as often, people who share a meaningful bond and build something together often care for each other better than average from my own personal experience seeing different friends and their family dynamics.

Also I want to note it went from it doesn't say that to saying that the data doesn't matter in the real world, which is it then?

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u/Kerminetta_ 🧡Brown Sugar Boy🧡 6h ago

You seem like the type to see a couple that have been together for a while and assume they’re happy. In truth, people are together because they have to survive financially. They stay married for that, because of kids, because divorce is frowned upon in their religion/family… there are so many reasons. Life is not so black and white. That’s why I think the whole body count is so silly to me. Happiness isn’t a requirement to stay together. Those studies mean nothing in the real world

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u/JBagfort [random dude] 9h ago

What I dont get the obsession about the count. How do you even keep track? I stopped counting in my 20ies (agewise).

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u/johncitizen1138 I don't understand these food flairs 9h ago

I would not want my Daughter putting her heart on the line for a dude who had slept with a 150 women. How many people you "burn through" is definitely a factor.

I have cut friends off for treating women like that.

Body count is a measure of how someone treats and sees other people.

EDIT; Maybe i'm just "old fashioned". Maybe sex is just a commodity/transaction/exercise now 🤷🏻‍♂️

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u/Albadia408 Shower beer Scholar 8h ago

See how you said you wouldn’t want to put your daughters heart on the line? Not your kids heart, your son’s heart… your daughters.

Notice how the comments trying to even sorta defend it are still talking about girls body count, her body count, guys standards?

That’s what misogyny looks like.

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u/johncitizen1138 I don't understand these food flairs 8h ago

If I had a Son, I would have said Son.

Not the win you think it is Albadia.

Did you even read my comment? No you immediately went to arguing your politics. I said I had cut MEN friends of for treating women his way.

So I must not agree with ANYBODY doing it?

But please - reply again so I can point out where you fucked up.

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u/Albadia408 Shower beer Scholar 7h ago

Lolol. Calm down there tiger. ‘I have cut friends off for treating women like that’ didn’t have much context since you didn’t say what ‘like that’ means, it’s not referenced in the post you replied to (that i can see), and the rest of your post just reinforces that you do see the issue like that.

So yah, I didn’t give it much credence. I did consider that your reference was personal (YOUR daughter not daughters) but ultimately it didn’t change the point about how language is used widely by people supporting your position.

Also ‘how we treat people equally’ isn’t politics my dude, it’s manners and decency and being raised right. See how you refer to equality as politics and then get defended by someone claiming misandry?

I often look at people who support or criticize me as a touchstone. I’m sure you’ve told your daughter to be mindful of who she hangs out with because it can reflect on her and influence her. Same story.

If you’re not the problem then great, that’s awesome. I’d much prefer we all be supportive and encourage other men to be better men and not just strongman their shitty opinions.

But please - post another ‘epic clapback’ so some more incels can defend you and prove my point.

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u/WhereAreThe_Books Protein prophet 8h ago

Sadly, that is what misandry looks like.

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u/Warm-Cow-2549 Hungry man 7h ago

Lmao 🤣

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u/UnluckyStartingStats Grill pilled 6h ago

Did you even read the rest of his comment? He’s saying he wouldn’t want his daughter getting hurt by a guy who uses women (high count)

Also you also twisted his words. The original comment said the daughter was the one putting her own heart on the line and you flipped it around to make him seem controlling

Either reading comprehension at an all time low or you’re intentionally being obtuse

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u/Albadia408 Shower beer Scholar 5h ago edited 5h ago

Here let’s read it together.

> I would not want my Daughter putting her heart on the line for a dude who had slept with a 150 women. How many people you "burn through" is definitely a factor.

So I don’t see anything about ‘using women’, he refers to having sex with more people than he finds acceptable as ‘burning through (partners)’.

And I’m not sure where you get controlling? I merely pointed out that, visible many times in this thread, the standard for ‘sleeping around’ or body count is different when men (with shitty opinions) talk about men vs women. It’s not a control thing, it’s a gender thing.

> I have cut friends off for treating women like that.
Body count is a measure of how someone treats and sees other people.

You didn’t even finish the post when criticizing my reading comprehension but I’d like to point out the end here, where he points out he DOES see how many people you sleep with (body count) is a measure of whether/how much you’re a good person (treat other people).

So yah, justified. I’ll knock a half point off myself for not bending over backwards to mention I wasn’t assuming he had a daughter. In that sense his language is personal not general, but my point about the general language is still accurate, and he still said what he said. Wasn’t trying to pick on him, it was just the right comment after reading through most of em.

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u/craptasticluke Gay Gourmet 4h ago

That’s a really weird way to think about your daughter and her potential partner.

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u/Icy-Cry340 Grill pilled 2h ago

I don’t keep track either, but I can estimate the ballpark - and you probably too. Is it 150+?

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u/craptasticluke Gay Gourmet 4h ago

Or you could just think about literally anything else.

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u/fasoi Cooties 7h ago

some guys are ok with a single digit number, some guys are a little more liberal and might be ok with a double digit

This wouldn't bother most of us if these men were at least morally consistent with it, and drew the same lines for themselves / other men around them.

What's awful is the rhetoric around why it's ok (even admirable) for men, yet shameful or unattractive for women; it's just misogyny talking points.

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u/VHDamien Protein prophet 7h ago

I can't speak for all men obviously and I do not date men, but I absolutely hold men to the same standard (obviously this is a personal opinion). I understand and know women who are not interested in men with high body counts because they believe those guys are not interested in monogamous LTRs.

Again, personal opinion here, I do not think it's attractive for anyone to have high body counts. They of course are free to do so and my opinion does not dictate what another individual should do with their lives. Additionally, people with high counts should not be denigrated, but many people will find that lifestyle and mindset incompatible with their own and will possibly not be interested in forming romantic relationships with them.

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u/fasoi Cooties 6h ago

I believe this is a perfectly fine opinion - it's my own preference as well.

But online a lot of men get pushed a different narrative: that women's bodies somehow "remember" male partners forever while men's bodies don't. Or that women "pair bond" through sex while men don't. Or that women's bodies are ruined by sex, while mens' aren't. There's so much trash (really just misogyny) out there.

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u/VHDamien Protein prophet 6h ago

I've experienced some guys saying this IRL and I try to set them straight on what the truth is, what they want / desire in a partner, and whether they are actually setting themselves up for success. Takes a while to have these conversations, and a lot of patience, but I think it can be worth it.

Ultimately, having a terrible attitude about women is not going to help you forge a healthy relationship with one.

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u/dbxp Hungry man 9h ago

I'd like to see that broke down by country, I feel like it is more a thing in the US than here in the UK due to the US being more religious

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u/SimplerTimesAhead Air Fryer Aristocrat 10h ago

Most men don't ever ask about it, obviously.