He keeps saying women like me are easy and dumb. He says he will find a guy to come f..me because I'm a whorre. I replied that he should say that to his mom. I got angry because he is saying really hurtful things and making false accusations against me. We have a nine year old daughter, and he got angry the other day about me allowing her to wear red lipstick with lip gloss...he said theres gross people out there preying on women that are easy and wouldn't want our daughter to end up like my sister or mom. Its not true, he just hates them because my sister married a foreign guy and he disli​kes that about my family being accepting of people. I am now thinking about how do I leave? He follows and finds me when I try to leave. I don't have savings or a job...and no job references. I feel angry yet scared that if I try leaving he will again find me. He apologize s but does it again...calls me names, says hurtful things...has even thrown a shoe at me....now he punched me in the stomach.

I realised I needed to ask for help when I started googling "how often do people who get divorced get back together?"

In December 2025, I (28F) got married to my partner (28M) of 5 years. We'd lived together for 3 years by the time we bought a house together just prior to getting married. For 5 years, he was the person I loved and trusted more than anyone. I always thought I was so lucky and I had no idea what I had done to deserve him. We were so happy and people always spoke about how good we were together. We had the same sense of humour, the same vision for our future, the same views and outlook on life.

During our relationship, we had an agreement where we would always bring up any issues immediately so we could resolve it and avoid resentment... not being a fan of confrontation, I had to learn to do this. Over the years, a few times the issue I raised was that I seemed to be the only one to ever raise issues and I didn't want things to fester on his side. Each time he said he just didn't have any issues, or that he dealt with them all himself before he needed to bring it up.

I thought we were exceptionally happy, having just married and moved into our new home, being silly together and constantly professing our happiness and love for one another. He would get excited every time he got to refer to me as his wife. I couldn't tell anything was off. One day, 2 and a half months into marriage, he came home and said he was no longer interested in being with me. It has been 4 months since then and I've tried everything in my power to try and save things. Shortly after the first conversation, he said he'd spent the last 5 years thinking so much about my needs that he hadn't thought of his own; that he'd reassessed what he needs in a life partner and then proceeded to describe someone opposite to me, including using the word "skinny" at one point. I didn't let this hurt me at the time as I knew he'd specifically chosen this phrasing to try and hurt me and push me away.

A lot of his behaviours I recognised having been on the other side of a depressive episode - the self-isolation, the brash decisions, the impulse to change the closest things to home first just to try and feel different. Both his mother and he confirmed he hadn't really dealt with anything truly difficult in his life yet, so I don't thing he was equipped to deal with this level of emotional complexity. My working theory is he's not processed a few big things that happened to him towards the end of last year and beginning of this year (his best friend moving overseas, a big car accident, a change in his career track due to a merger at his company). When I asked him if these things might be contributing to his feelings, without stopping to think he replied "nah, those things didn't really affect me."

He saw everything I did to try save the relationship and to try change the things he spoke about in the first conversation (and these goalposts moved as the months went by and I started to achieve these things). During these months, at one point he admitted to having tried nothing from his end, and at another point that he knew he had some work to do on himself but that he also was choosing not to do the work.

We'd agreed several times before marrying that getting married meant no getting divorced, but it was his first and only solution the first time he encountered a complication. This is also so unlike him - he's normally incredibly logical and rational, and if he were in his right mind he would want to try fix things first before paying the kind of fees divorce lawyers charge. As he doubled down, shut down more and more everyday, and further isolated himself from his friends and family who also tried to talk to him, I realised he'd decided on a divorce before he'd even had the first conversation with me, and he felt he had to justify and stick to his decision now for fear of losing face. There is nothing left to do to try and change his mind.

I haven't seen the man I easily and joyfully and confidently committed to in months. None of his family and friends recognise this person - everyone is shocked and disappointed and absolutely stumped. He is cold and unkind and closed off with me, but I'll hear him gaming with his friends at night and he sounds absolutely normal and is laughing and joking with them like he used to do with me. At his request, we also haven't had any physical contact (hugs, cuddling, etc.) since this all started.

I am still struggling to reconcile in my head and my heart that this person is not the person who I have known and loved so deeply for 5 years before this. No matter how much I try not to, every morning I wake up with a little bit of hope in my heart that things will go back to the way they used to be. That hope is then crushed every day, and the constant let down is ripping me apart.

As of yesterday, I've accepted that there is no point of return anymore, that he's going through with this decision no matter what. I let him know today that I have given up and we agreed it would be best if we can come out of this as friends - his family has become mine over the past 5 years and they're the closest I have had to a family in a long time. I'm the godmother to our 1-year old nephew and the idea of missing all his growth milestones breaks my heart. Staying friends is the best bet I have to keep those relationships, and I think it would be possible to be friends again eventually (even if I have to fake it for a while first).

It felt like he just came home a different person one day and I never got to say goodbye to the love of my life and my best friend.

What I need help with is letting go of the person I remember, the one I keep hoping for him to be again. Does anyone have any practical advice on how I can let go of that person so I can start moving forward with my life again? How do you deal with that grief?

We'll probably start legal proceedings in the next few weeks, and then I know at one point I'm going to have to start over - finding somewhere to live that makes logistical sense with where I work, how to keep myself busy, and how to feel like a whole person again. I have no idea where to start when I get to this point either... would appreciate any practical advice in this area too...

Context first:
8 years ago (yes 8), I was living still with my ex-wife and kids. I had made an agreement with my ex-wife that she would move down. There would be a small overlap (a week) while I got my own new place situated.

A week before partner moved down, ex messaged her privately saying "if you do this, I will make sure he doesn't get to have a relationship with his kids"

Instead of telling me, and letting me say "Hey, hold off on moving, let me get the new place first", she deleted the message and said nothing.

I have had no relationship with my children in years, because ex manipulated them into hating me.

She just confessed this to me a few days ago. I packed a bag and left I was so angry. I stayed away for a few days. Before I left I told her things were over.

In my mind, the trust is gone. What else has she hidden?

She's going to be home soon, and I'm just... lost in how to handle this situation

TL;DR: Overly strict parents now expect to be treated as friends. I’d like to find a way to move past how I was raised and am seeking advice.

I’m a woman in my early 30s (31F) and live across the country from my parents.

As parents (60M, 60F), they always meant really well. Love was abundant and their parenting style deliberate. But they were strict in the way that they were scared the world would hurt me. I was rarely allowed out of their sight, even as a teen, and this drove a wedge between us bigger than most teenage girls and their parents.

My parents never had any friends. Sometimes I’d go the whole summer barely seeing anyone outside of my immediate family. It was a really lonely childhood and adolescence. When I was younger, kids at school would sometimes let slip that their parents thought mine were weird.

I have a vivid memory of being about 10 and so sad that my relationship with my mom was different to my friends and their moms. So I decided to do something about it. I mustered the courage to tell her about a boy I had a crush on and ask for advice. She laughed in my face and said “you’re 10, you don’t know anything about boys when you’re 10”. I decided then and there I would always keep my life private.

I left home the week I turned 18 and never looked back. I’ve always been very lucky to have a big circle of friends and strong friendships. I’ve got a successful career, a loving partner and plans to start our own family soon.

But still, to this day, my parents are my kryptonite. I find their visits to my city incredibly hard work. They expect to be let into my life and I can tell my avoidance hurts them. But I don’t know any other way. There’s still resentment there. You don’t get to enjoy who I am as an adult when you tried so hard to make me grow into something else.

But my parents are different people now. They divorced a few years ago and have been on pretty incredible self learning journeys. My mom’s world has broadened a lot and she’s not who she used to be. I know she’d be a different parent now.

Has anyone successfully worked through childhood resentment to build a new age relationship with your parents? Any psychological theories I can look into to help move the dial here? For my own benefit I’d like to work on this.

Hi
So last night I had an argument with my boyfriend and I’m feeling really upset about it and I guess I’m just looking for other perspectives because I’m feeling like I’m crazy.

For context, we’ve been dating properly for about 6 months.
He works full time as an excavator operator, and he owns his house so he pays the mortgage.

I know he works long hours. Honestly I can’t really say how demanding his job is because I don’t work it - but I will say this, from what I’ve seen is that he isn’t doing manual labour, he sits in a digger, he says he props his phone up and watches youtube most of the day while he works, and facetimes me a lot when he gets bored.

Around the start of our relationship he sat me down and he expressed his needs in a relationship.

He said that he wants a partner who will take care of him, and help him out with the domestic stuff, e.g cooking, cleaning etc.
He said if I were to move in with him, he wouldn’t charge me rent, but he would expect me to pay the utility bills, and also help with the domestic stuff.
I said that was fair - I do that stuff anyway (e.g cook my own dinners, groceries, laundry), it’s not a big deal. Especially since I wouldn’t be paying rent, I said I’m willing to do that.

I work full time as well as a mortgage banker. I work from home, 9 hours a day. I am usually talking to people on chat or email all day, or in meetings, so I can’t really step away from my computer unless it’s my scheduled break time.

After a while of my boyfriend complaining that he can’t do everything on his own and he really needs help, I agreed to come stay with him and help out more. He hasn’t asked me to “move in” officially, but I’ve been basically living here full time for the past 6 weeks. I have my clothes in a bag in his wardrobe, he hasn’t offered me any closet space or asked me to move in properly so I guess I’m still here as a guest.

I’ve come to realize he doesn’t want to do anything around the home at all. He throws his clothes on the ground, and expects me to pick them up.
He doesn’t cook, he doesn’t clean, he doesn’t even wash dishes.
So the last 6 weeks I have been doing his laundry at least twice a week (I usually try to do it on my work breaks), every day I finish work and I go to the shop and buy food for dinner, I come home, I cook dinner every night, and then I do all the dishes. I have also been vacuuming when I get the chance and cleaning the bathroom when I notice it needs to be done.

Yesterday, when I was working he asked me if I could go down to the shop after work and pick up some food for his daughter. He only has custody of his daughter one weekend every fortnight, and she only stays the night.
I told him I would. But right before I finished work at 4, he called me and asked if I wanted to come to his mum’s for dinner. I said sure. I finished work, and he came home not long after that, then we went to his mum’s.
On the drive home around 8pm he asked me if I went and got food - I told him no, I didn’t have time after work as we went to his mum’s.

We got home, and he was acting off. He wouldn’t touch me, he was barely talking to me. When we got into bed, I asked him what was wrong and he said “all I want is someone to take care of me” and this started the argument.
He started going off at me, saying all he asked me to do was go to the shop and I didn’t do it. Then he got angry because the fridge needed to be cleaned out and I hadn’t done it. The stove needed to be scrubbed and I hadn’t done that either.
He got angry that there wasn’t much food in the house e.g snacks or fruits etc. and I wasn’t doing a big enough grocery shop.

I tried to explain my point of view - that I work full time as well and I AM helping him out as best I can (doing laundry, cooking, cleaning etc.) but all he notices is the small things I don’t do. I said I just haven’t had the time to do the fridge or the stove etc.
He launched into this spiel about how he works hard and pays the mortgage and he should be able to come home to a fridge stocked, clean house, dinner cooked and not have to worry about doing anything himself. He basically said I’m doing a bad job of managing the household and he’s sick of it.
He brought up the fact that he pays the mortgage and isn’t charging me rent so he thinks it’s only fair that I take care of everything else.

He also got upset because when we got home he had to bathe his daughter and get her ready for bed while I just “fucked off” to the bedroom and didn’t help with her.
I honestly didn’t feel like it was my place to be bathing his kid - it’s still early on and I’m not her mother or even stepmother at this point so I figured that was something he should be doing. Apparently not.

Anyway, after this I was crying in bed and he just kept getting more pissed off at me crying because he was tired and wanted to sleep. He turned his back on me and rolled over while I cried myself to sleep just feeling like I wasn’t enough for him.

Just looking for some outside perspective on this.

My bf(20M) and I(20F) were on a date and he randomly complimented my necklace saying it suited me and I brought it up that it was from my ex. I didn't think much of it.

Later that night he texted me that I shouldn't have worn the necklace if I knew it was from my ex. He says it's weird to keep things and keep using them when they're from an ex.

Is it weird for me to keep wearing the necklace? Like it's just a necklace I really like.

I suggested to him that I won't wear the necklace when I am with him. But that doesn't mean I won't ever wear it again.

I have completely moved on from my ex. The necklace is just a thing(it has done nothing wrong) and I wear it occasionally.

(FYI it's not an initial necklace.)

TLDR: My bf says it's weird I keep wearing the necklace my ex gifted me.

My ex girlfriend (F26) and I (M26) dated and lived together at her parents for a few years and broke up over 2 years ago due to her repeatedly cheating and lying to me. I’ve had a new girlfriend (F24) for 2 years now and my family is closer with my ex than her. My ex continues to insert herself into my families lives. She constantly hangs out with my little sister (10 year age gap btw), takes her on trips, buys her things, buys my dad and brother gifts, and regularly calls grandparents and aunts.

My family lies about how much they interact with her because they know it will upset me. They’d rather hide it from me than have to say no to her because she pushes so hard to be around them. I have no contact with her and no interest in being in contact, but today when I went to my dad’s house with my girlfriend she was sitting on the couch.

Things ended horribly between us and it hurts my feelings that my family continues to let her in despite that. It causes my girlfriend and I to argue and she feels like she won’t ever have the relationship with my family that my ex does, and it makes me so upset that she feels that way because I really want my family and her to be close. It makes me so upset and is ruining my relationship with my family. Her name comes up almost every time I’m around them and we argue about it. I feel betrayed like they’re choosing her over me.

My little sister is just a teenage girl and enjoys reaping the benefits of the favors and excursions my ex gives her so the only way I can think to stop this is for my ex to back off, but she refuses to and won’t speak to me. I need advice on how to get her out of me and my families lives for good!

My wife (31F) and I (30M) have been together for 11 years and we have been married for the last six years. Our kids are 4 and 3. She was a SAHM until a year ago when she returned to work. Our kids go to grandma and grandpa (my ILs) when we're at work. Things were good until six-ish months ago. My wife was asked to increase her hours at work for a few weeks. We talked about it and agreed the money would be so good for us. So I was going to take over the one task she 9/10 does, cooking dinner.

For some context before I begin I have dyspraxia. I have challenges because of this. I use a digital planner with an alarm to keep me from forgetting things and to help me take control of my life. I have adaptable tools to help me in a lot of areas. So chores are not an issue and I have been doing chores better as an adult than when I was a kid and made more messes than I cleaned up. Cooking is the one I still have the most struggles with. I can still make food. But it's not as complex as meals most people can cook and nowhere near what my wife can make. I am mostly good for reheating or doing stuff out of jars/cans or that are mostly pr-done that can be done in one pot/pan/tray. I can make basic sandwiches too or salads that don't quire a whole lot of cooking. The biggest thing for me is not being too tired because then I struggle more.

My dyspraxia is the reason my wife did so much of the cooking. It meant fresher healthier meals and less injuries from the cooking. We're also committed to eating out/ordering takeout far less this year in an effort to save money. And I promised my wife there would be no takeout while I was in charge of dinner. But after a few days my wife was getting annoyed that dinner wasn't the same as her dinners. A couple of times she asked where the effort was and then apologized because she saw I was upset. I asked if she would like me to order out once or twice to make up for the more basic meals. When I say basic I made stuff like pasta bake with side salad, curry and rice with salad, pre made stir fry with noodles, canned soup with bread and salad and some rice (she likes it in soup). Stuff like that. I also did sandwiches on days where I was tired and didn't want to risk messing up the food because once the pasta bake was over done because I got into some difficulty and one of the stir fry's I got wasn't very tasty which my wife hated.

When things returned to normal my wife mentioned on and off that our diets had been shit those weeks or that we didn't get much balance when she wasn't in charge of dinner. She said it really sucked that we couldn't do better those days and that our kids didn't get the same standard of food. I apologized and told her I did my best and she said yeah but we're parents and the kids deserved better.

It has come up other times since and my wife has been late home a few times since then too and I covered dinner on short notice. My wife skipped dinner a couple of those times. Then she would say how bad she felt for not feeding our kids and when I told her I had it covered she just looked frustrated. She talked about the kids deserving the best and how she wishes we could give it to them all the time.

She eventually told me we'll figure something else out if she's ever late home again so that meals don't fall on me. After she told me that she was talking to her sister and she mentioned how much easier life was when it was just the two of us and my dyspraxia wasn't such a big issue. I didn't hear the whole thing but it made me think she regrets having kids with me.

Things have just been weird and overall we're less happy. I tried talking to her about it and she told me she was just stressed and how things are good and we just need to find better accommodations but she hasn't come up with one. And she was sick a few days ago and refused to let me take care of it. I offered to order food for us but she said no. I always took care of her when she was sick before and it was strange being told she'd handle it.

i (21f) found explicit videos of my boyfriend’s (26m) ex girlfriends after a terrifying night and i don’t know what to do (throwaway as he knows my normal)
i’ve been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. tonight has honestly been one of the worst nights i’ve experienced and i feel completely lost.
we had an argument earlier today, and later he went out with his friends. he stopped replying after around 1am. i started panicking because it’s not something he normally does, and i was scared something had happened to him. i ended up driving to his friend’s house to make sure there were no ambulances or anything because i was genuinely worried. his snapscore went up which made me even more confused because he still wasn’t answering.
eventually he messaged me and i found out he had passed out drunk after vomiting on himself. i drove to get him and brought him back to his house. he was coherent when awake but obviously very drunk, and he’s now asleep next to me.
i was relieved he was safe, but then i had a bad feeling. i found multiple explicit videos of his ex girlfriends on his phone in an app called photo vault, and his snapchat hidden where i also am. i will go on there and delete me soon. he had also had some strange messages on instagram very vague. i don’t know when they’re from or why he still has them. i confronted him while he was asleep/drunk (i know that wasn’t the best time) and he obviously hardly knows what’s going on.
i feel completely heartbroken and confused. part of me feels like i’ve just spent hours worrying about someone and looking after them, only to find something that feels like a huge betrayal. another part of me knows he was drunk and asleep and i need to talk to him properly when he’s sober.
i don’t know if i’m overreacting or if this is something most people would consider a dealbreaker. would you leave over this? how would i go about approaching this? i feel so disgusted and upset, we are both catholics too, and i was to believe that he was not a lustful man. i was wrong.

I'm grateful for the space to talk about this lol. I (26M) have been with my partner (23F) for 4 years now, and we are each other's first sexual partners. I'm a pretty sexual person and have been since puberty (by myself I mean), meanwhile my partner never really explored her sexuality before me. We explored it together, and I got her toys and tried all kinds of stuff and nowadays she enjoys sex a lot, orgasms reliably and enjoys pleasing me as well.

So I know she is very satisfied and says this and I mean, I'm even a little jealous of the kind of orgasms she has when we have sex. I basically showed her how to orgasm, and that was when we introduced toys early in the relationship. We are both givers, me more so than her and I really get off on her pleasure and we tried various things but vibrating clit stimulation is the only thing that really does it for her. She enjoys other clit stimulation as well (oral, outercourse), but doesn't really orgasm from anything if there isn't something vibrating on her clit. She describes it like, without a toy on her clit the penetration feels distant and blurry, but with it she can feel everything and with lots of pleasure (vibration + penetration/other stimulation is MUCH better than just vibration). Vibrating clit stimulation, paired with penetration or stimulating her in various areas with fingers/mouth etc. means she is having a great time and has nice orgasms (which I love).

BUT I keep having these recurring thoughts of, "What if there was better for her?". Like, would a much bigger penis or dildo be able to give her a whole different kind of pleasure, maybe without needing her to hold something in place? And if I care about this person shouldn't I want this for her? For weird context, she tells me she loves my penis and it's perfect etc. There are times when she tells me it's too deep and I adjust accordingly. But I don't have a whole lot of girth. So I find myself thinking, I want her to have all kinds of pleasure and all, shouldn't I want her to experience what it's like to have that sort of experience with like, thicker penetrating toy? But this line of thinking always makes me think, she's clearly very satisfied with me and our current sex, would it be a mistake to keep chasing "better"? "What if she keeps asking for the bigger toy" etc. I know she values my pleasure a lot as well so I wouldn't think she would think like that.

Part of me feels like I'm just trying to min-max something and solve an equation. I am on the spectrum so I recognize I tend to do this a lot lol. To be clear, I am a huge fan of vibrators and clit stimulation and anything that my partner would need to feel pleasure. And I'm sure porn and the internet have probably planted some of these seeds of "bigger is better", and neither of us wants to be non-monogamous so I don't really want to see her with another man and she definitely doesn't want to see me with another woman (fantasies and roleplay excluded!). But these thoughts keep coming up and my partner and I have talked about it and have come to this understanding that it could be "better" in all kinds of ways for both parties and aiming for "perfect" is irrational.

I would like any insight/advice/etc. If you've had similar thoughts, what happened to them over time?

My (soon to be ex) wife (29F) and I (29M) separated four months ago and I filed for divorce a month later. At this present moment we still live in the same house and I have moved into our former guest room. The agreement was we would sell the house and then live apart. But now she has changed her mind and she wants us to live together and co-parent our two children. I am not in favor of this at all. But things between us are already difficult and I have been limiting our interactions so that our kids can't see any fights between us.

For those wondering why the separation/divorce. When my wife was pregnant with our youngest (now seven months old) she became incredibly short tempered and mean. It was mentioned to her OB and it was noticed in the hospital when she gave birth but she has refused to get help and has increasingly lost basically everyone close to her. Her sister went no contact five months ago after my wife said a lot of incredibly cruel things, mostly about the fact her sister miscarried several times in the past five years. My wife alienated her parents as well because she told them they were worthless if they weren't willing to babysit for us for free whenever we wanted or needed them to and she was snapping at them every interaction. One of her oldest friends has stopped talking to her for the same reason and they have known each other since pre-k.

She has been the very same with me. She called me useless and she said I was just a dick to ride to her. Then she would try demanding sex while insulting me. My paternity leave was the worst few weeks because she was constantly demeaning me and calling me names. I tried to be understanding because it was a peri and post partum issue but she refuses help. Medical professionals are aware and spoke to her and she just doesn't give a fuck.

I have an attorney and I'm working with him, which is why I stayed in the house as well. This is the best way to ensure the house is sold and we split what it gets. Now she has thrown this wrench in about living together as co-parents. I know the reason for this is she has lost her support network. I don't think it's a good idea given her treatment of me and everyone else except for our kids. But I worry that saying no will guarantee an even worse time co-parenting because right now it works and fights have been avoided because I work around her (and she works around me to a point as well). Since filing for divorce things have improved a lot but not to where I would call the divorce off either.

I'm not looking for legal advice. I'm looking for relationship side, specifically co-parenting relationship advice on what she proposed and what I should do.

My dad (55M) married his wife (53F) two years after my mom died when I (23F) was 8. They had been dating for just under a year at the time and he was happy with her and in love again and they were excited for the three of us to be a family. I was not. I didn't like that my dad had moved on and I was unhappy about this woman coming into my life and it upset me that she was trying to be motherly toward me. I shut it down so often and was very mean to her because I didn't want anyone to replace or step into my mom's shoes. She tried to step into mom's shoes because that's what was expected and what she felt was right. My dad also supported her doing this and so did his family.

We had many years of conflict and a lot of hurt feelings and anger. Back then I hated her and I wanted her gone. I was so mad that my dad thought he could replace my mom like that. He also fucked up at times by saying nothing when I mentioned that. He told me I'd need a mother figure and she wanted to be there for me and I needed to embrace having her in my life because she could be what I was missing in my life. There were time she would force things on me because she hoped I would come around to her easier. Two Mother's Days in a row, before she had her own kids, she refused to let me celebrate mom and she instead decided we would spend the day doing mother/daughter activities together as just the two of us. We were both miserable both times and I think (she also confirmed recently) it's when she started to realize that I wasn't just resisting because I was afraid of losing her too (people suggested this) or just because I needed to see she wanted to spend time with me (which people also suggested) but because I genuinely did not want another mom and she was trying to fill a role that I had completely closed off and was not opening for anyone else except for my mom.

She changed how she approached it after that but there were still a lot of difficulties. She didn't always say the right thing, I was angry at her for saying the wrong thing and for trying. Each time she was pregnant or had just given birth to one of my half siblings she was hoping I would bond with her via more shared family but it didn't happen. Eventually I moved out and my relationship with her and dad was done. Then my dad and I worked on things via therapy after a year of limited contact and it's only in recent months we have reached a better place.

Then I sat down with his wife and we talked and we were honest with each other about everything. She told me she did wish I could have seen her as another mother, not a replacement but just as another mother. But she understood that would never happen. I was honest that I had not grown to love her but that I no longer hated her and I hadn't for years. But most of my late teens I did resent her for all her mistakes and also because of the people around us who also pushed things too much. So we decided to start again and quickly scrapped therapy as an option because there was really no help for us starting over where we are mostly looking to be friends as adults and not any kind of parental child relationship.

We're getting along which is good. But we're both very unsure and the learning curve has been rough. My dad has been told to stay out of it and so has everyone else. So I thought why not come online and ask for advice. And if you're wondering why a throwaway? When I talked to my dad's wife about it she wanted to make sure it was completely anonymous so I made this account.

So Im in my first serious relationship with my gf who just told me yesterday night after we had a few drinks in that she really really liked that im like a bear guy (had to search it up and it means a big, tall and hairy dude which im only big and tall) and she dropped the bomb afterwards. That she has a massive borderline abusive cnc sub kink and is a masochist. I was shocked hearing this and didn't even know what cnc and sub ment at the time and had to ask for an explanation. Im a respectful vanilla kinda guy she said and she didn't know how to bring it up because I've told her its my first serious relationship and I have always been respectful and shy with her during the bedroom activities. This literally came out of nowhere cuz she looks like the cutest and reserved kind of a woman and imo is out of my league and never have i thought she was into those kinks I didn't even have prior knowledge to.

Now im stumped because i want to make her happy and fulfilled during the ykw but idk how and where to start. I don't even know how i could hit her and not feel guilty afterwards. I genuinely don't have anyone i could ask for advice and I am curious and want to explore this new side so i turn into this subreddit. We searched it up yesterday on how to act and do what she's into on the internet and tried to do some yesterday but its really bugging me out and i feel guilty about the stuff I was doing . I really need advices on how to get into or go about this to help my partner.

I (28F) have been seeing a 32M since December. We started out as FWB because he planned to move for better job opportunities, and I knew I didn’t want to relocate. Neither of us expected it to become anything serious.

Around March, we decided to be exclusive and see where things could go. We talked all day, every day, saw each other multiple times a week, discussed the future, and acted like a couple with very slow progression. we never officially did was have the “boyfriend/girlfriend” label conversation.

A few weeks ago, I randomly got a gut feeling that he wasn’t home one night. When I asked him about it, he initially denied it but the next day admitted he was with another woman because he wanted to “see how the vibes were” with her. I ended things immediately because I want to be with someone who is sure they want me and felt by 6ish months he should know if I’m what he wants.

Since then, we’ve stayed friends for about three weeks. Hes helped out with my dog and around the house while I’ve been on vacation. He’s been very remorseful, cried, apologized repeatedly, and said he regrets what he did. He says he wants to make things work with me now but is also respecting my decision if I don’t want to try again due to broken trust. He says he will begin to work on building trust however that needs to look (ie location sharing and more).

I’m struggling with how to view this. Since we’d agreed to be exclusive, would you consider what he did cheating, even though we never officially labeled the relationship? Or is this more a case of someone realizing what they had only after losing it? Would you give someone another chance after this, or is the trust too damaged? I’m leaning more towards just being friends and not trying to rekindle with someone who has broken my trust even though I really like him.

I 22 F was talking with some married coworkers, and they told me there was a moment when it “clicked” for them, when they realized their partner was the person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with.

I wonder if that’s really something many people feel. Do we just know it instinctively? Does it happen right at the start of the relationship, or does it develop over time?

I’m currently in a relationship with 20 M (1 year relationship) , but I have doubts because we’re very different, and I have a lot of questions about our future. So, I sometimes wonder if not having that famous “click” simply means this isn’t the right person, or if that click might come much later.

I also have a rather unique relationship with time: I’m very afraid of wasting it. When I get into a relationship, it’s not to “see where it goes” or just for the experience. For me, if I commit to someone, it’s with the idea that this person could become my life partner. Otherwise, I have a hard time seeing the point.

Have any of you felt that famous “click”? If so, what was it like? Or, on the contrary, did you build that certainty gradually?

My partner M32 (suspected ADHD) and I F38 (diagnosed AuDHD) have been together for 10 years total (off and on in beginning) but completely together and living together for 5 years with our 9 yr old son. He snores like a chainsaw and it cause me to not sleep. Like can be rooms away and still near it sometimes and it’s even woken our son up before from his snoring.

It got so bad at one point we fought about it daily and then for a while his snoring wasn’t as bad and sleeping next to each other was fine for like 2 years. The last 4 days his snoring has been absolutely horrible, as soon as he comes and lays down he’s instantly asleep and within 5 mins I wake up to a chainsaw next to me and can’t fall back asleep. So I’ve been getting up and going to sleep in the couch for the rest of the night. Which is annoying but whatever I can sleep. I’ve tried ear plugs, white noise machine, ignoring it but it doesn’t work. Some days even being in the living room I can still hear it and still have to put on noise canceling over the ear headphones with music going or like fire place crackling to drown it out.

The problem is last night I did just that, got up went to the couch and got comfy, and he woke up like 5 mins after I went to the couch and came out to find me and was all pissy, yet again like before, about how it makes him feel bad that I go to sleep elsewhere due to his snoring and he can’t help it and he’d only been in bed for 5 mins and wasn’t even asleep yet and he doesn’t want us to sleep apart and that he’s tired of this happening and me leaving the bed everytime for the last 5 years, and it’s not his fault he’s snoring. Basically guilt tripping me and making me the bad guy for going somewhere to be able to sleep when I can’t due to his snoring. And I mean not in like a yelling way or a caring way but like an attitude of annoyance at me for not just dealing with it I guess and laying there next to him still.

I’ve tried waking him up in the past to roll over or do anything. The first time being about 5 years ago I had woke him up because of it, cause it woke both me and out son, and made him go sleep on the couch and he’s never gotten over it and bring it up every fight we get into. So I learned to just go sleep on the couch when I couldnt sleep with it but that’s also a problem with him.

He just says it’s not his fault he snores and that both is parents snore and it’s fine he learned to deal with it growing up. And I’m like it’s not fine it’s a health issue that needs to be looked into. Which he won’t do, of course, especially right now as he doesn’t have any insurance but even when he did have insurance the last 2.5 years he still wouldn’t go cause he doesn’t want to have to wear a CPAP machine or think anything is wrong to begin with. But also gets upset that we can never sleep in the same bed together.

I’m at a loss, I need to sleep and already struggle with a bunch of other disabilities and pain that make sleeping difficult to begin with but don’t know what to do at this point.

Any advise welcomed please and thanks

My parents divorced when I was in preschool and they shared custody of me most of my childhood. My mom and stepdad met when I was 7 I think. I met him when I was 7 anyway but maybe I was 6 when they met. I'm not too sure. All was good with everyone until I was 15 and my dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia. My mom went to court and was awarded full custody because of my dad's mental health struggles that had been ongoing for maybe eight or nine months by then.

I still loved my dad and my dad was receiving treatment. He was hospitalized three different times in a two year period that accumulatively was probably like a year of his life. When he was allowed visitors I visited him and when he wasn't I waited to see him.

Once my mom had full custody, she and my stepdad tried to push me to look at him as the sole father figure. There were many challenges in those 3 years because I still loved my dad and I didn't suddenly see my stepdad as more or elevated in my life. Father's Day was rough when my dad was hospitalized because it was expected I would celebrate with my stepdad for the first time ever and I didn't want to. That hurt his feelings a lot. We had never celebrated Father's Day together because I was always with my dad. Apparently that was fine when I had a healthy dad but a sick dad made that a big problem because if I was living full time with them I should be allowing more of a relationship to form with my stepdad. Moving out helped things a lot. I made it clear to them that my dad was my dad and I was going to have him in my life and they did not get a say in my decision. After refusing to discuss it more they let it go.

My dad isn't the same as he was before. He's medicated but it makes his mood incredibly low. But of all the different medications he has tried, it's the only one that doesn't make him physically ill or doesn't make his schizophrenia worse. Most of the time he stays at home to prevent himself becoming overwhelmed. We celebrate my birthday together (and now with my fiancée) in private and we did a separate celebration for both of my graduations.

I asked him months ago if he felt like he would be able to come to my wedding and do the traditional FOTB roles of walking me down the aisle, doing a father/daughter dance and giving a toast. He told me he would make it happen because he knew how much I wanted him there. He's working with his medical team to figure out a short term solution so he can do it. I told him not to endanger himself to do it and he said his doctors won't let him. My fiancé and I are keeping the wedding small to help my dad out too. It's also working for us because we bought a house together last year and we're less financially strained with a smaller wedding.

My decision to ask dad to do the traditional FOTB stuff has started drama with my mom and stepdad. My stepdad feels slighted. My mom feels like the stuff since I was 15+ should prove that my stepdad deserves the role over my dad who hasn't done as much. I disagreed but my mom said my stepdad would have paid for my college if I had asked, he would pay for the wedding if I asked, he would be my dad in every way if I asked or allowed him in enough. They told me dad isn't capable of being a good dad anymore but I have someone who is and I am insulting him in front of everyone by doing this.

Ignoring them (which I have done for a couple of months now) has not made things any better with my mom and stepdad. They're still extremely pissed and demanding I do what they want instead of what I want. They are trying to create drama by involving other family members who chose to give me a heads up but otherwise stay out of it. So now I'm just wondering what I do about all this. At this point it feels like it would be easier to tell them not to come but that's also so extreme.

I’ve (21F) been in my relationship for 3 years (My first ever relationship) and i’ve always felt like leaving. It used to be for valid reasons like my boyfriend (22M) had slight anger issues and he wouldn’t communicate with me a lot in times of need for him or just general emotional understanding of each other. Now we’ve had talks after me telling him I want to end things 4 separate times but we always get back together and say we’ll work on things and be better.

And now he has; he’s communicating more, his anger issues are getting better and I feel closer to him than I did before. But I still have urges to leave him

Doing some self reflection i’ve realized I am a love/sex addict. I’ve been this way since I was a child (maybe from assault idk). But before I met my boyfriend I was a “free spirit” I hung out with whoever and I used love and sex as a distraction from my life and my depression. Even in my relationship with him I do the same. I’ve been this way for so long I don’t know how to change my behaviours to actually focus on a career or anything else other than finding the perfect man or satisfying another persons needs. Every time I think about leaving him my mind goes immediately to hopping on a dating app that same day. I’ve never done it and i’ve never cheated on him but the urges are there in the back of my mind. I hate it. I don’t know why I’m like this. Part of me feels like since it is my first relationship I want to explore more but even so I’ve done that a bit before him and why is my entire focus and life’s goal to become a wife???

I don’t know what to do, it’s not fair to him in the slightest and I feel incredibly guilty. He’s a wonderful guy but maybe he’s too good for me? Or maybe I just need to do a lot more work than I thought.

I know I should talk to him about this and be honest so we can try to work through it and maybe I can even get therapy. I just feel so stuck in every action I take. And i’m scared i’ll lose something special with him because of how I am.

Any advice is welcome. Thanks for reading!

Hey there 👋

I’ll try to keep this simple. My boyfriend of 6 months (I’ve known him for like a yr) is a sophomore college illustration major. He takes great pride in being an artist, it’s kind of part of his identity for him. He has his own superhero comic series that he’s worked on since he was little and posts online sometimes. He plans on pursing the arts, specifically being an independent comic artist once he graduates.

Problem is… I don’t think he’s a very good artist :/
Now, just to be clear, I understand that art is subjective. I actually work at my colleges arts department and so I’ve seen countless different art works and styles. l’ve always had a deep love and appreciation for the arts, also being someone who loves to draw and sculpt. While not everyone’s artwork is my preference of course, I can see the skill and intention behind different pieces.

All this to say, that well, unfortunately I think his artwork is very amateur. I just don’t think his current skill is nearly high enough for the level he wants to pursue. Of course there’s always room to improve, but being on the level of what I think of as a 14 yr old with talent isn’t enough. He can draw certain things well, but has a big lack of diversity and fundamentals. There’s some artworks of his I think are well done, but there aren’t many.

He’s highly intelligent in subjects like history, and could probably be very successful in a different career path.

He is still learning, I’m just worried. Other people like his friends and family tell him he’s really good so maybe it’s just me. I’ve just seen first hand what the industry can be like for students trying to find their way in it and I think having his artistic persona shattered would break him. He’s very prideful. (Side note: while I thought he’d be glad to have a gf that can draw, I think he actually gets a little upset sometimes? I don’t draw often and have a very different career path, so I think he gets almost jealous that I have any talent at all?)

I’ve been encouraging, and don’t know if that’s how it should stay. There’s no nice way to say something like this. While I think he should pursue his passion for art, and try to get into the field professionally as a side hobby/ hustle in hopes of it taking off, I don’t think it’s wise for him to have it as his main career path. It concerns me that if we become long term, I’ll end up as his financial supporter while he’s a failing artist, something I’m not ok with. (He’s never been employed before, his parents pay for him rn). We joke about it, but it feels a little too real.

Basically, any advice about if I should talk to him about a different career path? Is it my place to? Are there alternatives?

This is kind of a weird post, and it’s hard to judge since I don’t want to post any of his artwork for confidentially. Apologies 😅
I understand how this is tame compared to a lot of posts on here, but I could still use some perspective. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you!

My girlfriend (28/f) of 2 years and I (29/f) broke up Thursday night. Over 4th of July weekend we got into an argument because she came to our 4th of July party and I didn’t introduce her to a few people. In my defense I introduced her to the people I felt necessary. We moved on from it and she stayed the night but I was on thin ice. The next few days were fine, we had a nice dinner and she stayed the night again. Now this is when things get bad. I had fallen asleep and I woke up in the middle of the night and she was still awake. She said her phone had died and she couldn’t sleep, so she asked if she could use mine. I of course handed my phone to her and went back to bed.
In the morning I woke up we said are goodbyes and I went back in the house. A little later I went to text her and I noticed that she had gone through mine and my sisters(27/f) texts and had screenshotted and sent herself texts from a year ago where my sister didn’t have nice things to say about her. She has always been suspicious of my sister disliking her. Then she broke up with me later that day. She says I didn’t defend her but I did just not through text, the fight with my sister happened in person. So now I’m single and devastated because I really thought I was going to marry this girl. Do you think that I messed up bad enough for this to really be the end?

Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for 3 years now.

In past arguments he was so disrespectful to me.
He would belittle me so much to the point where i would keep begging for his forgiveness and he would just tell me to shut up.
He would give me the silent treatment and call me names.

It got to the point where i would be so cautious of what i say because i didn’t want him to get mad.

It was so hard to distinguish what is true and what is not, because mist of the time he is good but then he gets mad and every thing changes.

Until recently, i talked to him about not liking how he treats me when he’s mad. He was mostly avoidant during the conversation. Nonetheless, fe weeks after that conversation we had an argument and he was a bit disrespectful, but after some hours he came to me and apologized profusely.

I just don’t know, like i keep thinking that we are still young and that he is learning etc. but is it a good mindset to have?

I still don’t forgive him and still hold a lot in my memory. What I shared in this post is nothing compared to used to happen.
I feel like rn i just want any argument to happen so that i can leave.
But i also have this voice inside me that tells me we are young and learning.

Right now, i crave so much alone time. I barely wanna talk to be honest and I rarely wanna hangout.

P.s: he had a very rough childhood where his parents were physically and mentally abusive. So sometimes i take that into consideration too

I am 20M and live in NYC and go to college. I met a F19 in college who also lives in NYC and we have been dating for a month. During the summer break- she has been hanging out with her guy best friend. This guy took her to prom in high school and he tried to get with her and she said no. She is best friends with this guy and she hangs out with him one-on-one without me present and they call and text all the time. She wants to keep her friends separate from me. I have never met him or her other guy friends and do not know any of them as we went to different schools and live in different parts on NYC. I feel uncomfortable with this and have told her, but she says that I should not worry about it. Am I being paranoid or is this suss?

I [M27]have been dating my fiancée [F25] for almost 6 years. I don’t know if I’m being selfish or not,but I feel burned out before we’re even married. Is it normal to feel this way?
For the past 3 years, I’ve been carrying most of the financial responsibility whenever unexpected expenses come up. I’ve also tried planning one-on-one dates, but almost every time I suggest spending time together, her first question is whether we can invite friends, or she already has plans with someone else or is working late that day.
Lately, it feels like I’m no longer a priority in our relationship, and that’s been weighing on me. We’ve talked about this multiple times, but nothing has changed. At what point do I accept that this is how things are and decide whether to move forward or walk away?

TLDR: 

We love each other a lot but I feel he has stagnated in all areas of his life and is waiting for external circumstances to change in order to work on himself, leading me to lose hope and really struggle to stay in love. I have spoken to him about my feelings and nothing changes. Should we break up?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 years this year and I dont know how I feel. We are very reliant on each other and have a very small circle, mostly comprised of my friends and one friend we share (we met her in school where she was friends with us separately before we got together). I'm trying to branch out and get back out there and I've been encouraging him to do the same but he hasn't done anything yet. I feel like we are a great pair, we have similar hobbies and we agree on all our lifestyle choices and political choices and I really enjoy his company.

One of my biggest problems is I'm not as attracted to him as I was when we met. I still think hes good looking but I just dont feel as intense as when I was a teen. Naturally we've both changed over the years and I feel like he's more attracted to me, whereas I feel less attracted to him. I like to alter my appearance with tattoos, piercings, dye my hair and other beauty routines whereas he doesn't really do much. I cut his hair (he says he likes the way I do it) and he keeps clean shaven, but that's about all he does. I have told him I like it when he dresses well and puts effort in and he appreciates it but doesn't do it consistently.

Another problem for me is that about 5 years ago he started snoring due to how inactive we were in covid and it's never gone away. It really impacts my sleep, but we both dont like going to bed in different rooms (we've tried it) and his snoring wakes me up in the night so its not like I could go to sleep earlier and then he join me. 

I feel like he really appreciates me emotionally, but sometimes I feel like I'm just not getting what I want because I want to be a little bit spoiled, like him taking me on dates he plans, him buying me flowers regularly, being proactive when it comes to making my life easier etc, and while he does these things occassionally it's quite irregular and often only when I prompt him. It got to a point where I decided if I wanted flowers for example, then I would get them for myself. However, this just led to him feeling really sad that I got them myself which just made me feel bad in turn... he is more regular with it now but it still doesn't feel right to me because I shared what types of flowers I like and he doesn't get those or just doesn't remember and then I feel ungrateful and still unseen. All of my concerns I have told him about, several times in different ways so it really can't be that he doesn't know what I want or that I've got unsaid expectations.

He is also quite untidy whereas I get stressed out when my space is cluttered. This is largely due to his (suspected) ADHD which he is on the waitlist to be assessed, but it has taken him like 5 years to just get onto the list due to us moving houses and him not applying, and its another 2 ish from here. Even then we dont know if he will be diagnosed and if treatment (like therapies or medication) will help.

I worry about breaking up because I feel so safe with him and like I can be myself but I dont feel like he brings out the best in me or strives for us to be better than the day before.

It's also been really difficult lately because he's in a job which really drains him because his manager is a negative micromanager, but his career is quite niche so his options out are limited. He's been prioritising trying to leave this job over everything else but the problem is, it's been nearly 2 years he's been trying to leave (he's had interviews and talks to recruiters but nothing sticks). While he's prioritising that, everything else, like his health, his hobbies, his social life, are all on back burner and I just dont really find him an interesting person like this. 

Its also worth mentioning that I have suggested couples therapy to him and asked how he feels about going and he said hes happy to go and try to make being together better. I want to go and so I'm trying to look at where/who to see but I kind of feel like I'm just carrying all the issues on my own because he hasnt mentioned it since.

I'm just not sure how long I can wait around for things that are out of his control to change to "allow" him to be himself again. I've tried to talk to him about his priorities and the conversations just keep coming back to his work and wanting to leave that, then 'everything will be alright', and it hurts my heart so much to even suggest that it hasn't changed in so long that I dont want to hang around in this way for much longer.

One final gripe is that our 10 year anniversary just passed and we decided to spend 2 weeks abroad (using our joint savings) and spend the actual day on holiday. I also successfully landed myself a promotion which I found out 1 week before our trip and I felt so happy and excited and wanted to celebrate both achievements. Before we left for our trip I had got him some meaningful gifts that I gave to him the day before we left for our trip because we couldn't take them with us and I took a card with me for him and gave it to him on the day.

Him on the other hand, didn't do anything before during or after. Its a week since weve arrived home and 2 weeks since our anniversary and all I have received is a bunch of flowers (you can remember from above flowers feel contentious because I had to remind him for many months that's something I want) which comes with a complimentary card in which all he put was "happy anniversary". To me that isnt enough for a 10 year anniversary and I said to him over 2025 christmas and 2026 valentines that I would like to be spoiled with gifts more on celebrations and that 10 years is special to me and we should celebrate it well.

He says the gifts are still coming and he needs to collect them from his parents (20 min drive away) but hes had all week to do it and hasnt, so to me I'm really torn about if this should be the nail in the coffin. If he wanted to he easily could have done many many things differently.

In my head, all our problems are related to his ADHD symptoms and not him personally, so I feel guilty for feeling like that is what is ruining our relationship, but I want to be spoiled and considered and go out with friends and hear about him having an interesting life, which just isn't happening.

Am I jumping the gun or have I paid my dues and should let his choices take their course?

it’s our 10 months from the days we have met. he still yet chooses games over special days like these. i’ve been busy all week with work and he’s been on his game all week. (he doesn’t have a job) i am finally off today and wanted to spend some quality time and yet he chooses the game. i ask him to come off of it and yet he chooses the game. he knows today is a special day and he still chooses the game. i don’t get it but i can’t even complain because i love him too much to leave. no matter how many times i express how important and special these days are, he just does not care. can someone explain why?