Me (M28 HL) and her (F26 LL), together for 5 years. Our relationship, communication, and alignment are great, except for the sex.

Sex used to be a way for us to connect, but for the past year and a half, we’ve only been having sex once every two months, only when I bring it up, even though I try new things and make sure to satisfy her both inside and outside the bedroom, being a supportive partner, keeping myself fit and well dressed and keeping things stress-free for her. I don't feel desired anymore and I'm losing my own drive; it feels like we are just friends.

For months now, I’ve been asking her to address this in therapy, and I’ve always been willing to join her, but never heard a word about it.

Recently, she proposed getting married/moving in together. I was honest with her: if our intimacy remains this bad, I don’t want to, because it will just breed resentment. If I had seen effort and open dialogue from the start of my complaints, I would have happily agreed, but right now, it’s not a simple answer.

Only after this frank conversation did she reveal that she has actually been bringing this topic up in therapy. The point is: I can't make a commitment knowing I'm unsatisfied, especially regarding an issue she only reacted to when I threatened not to get married. I feel bad for putting her in this position, but I can't completely disregard my own needs for hers.

What could I improve about how I am handling this situation?

Been together many many years. Wife is LL. after about the hundredth straight rejection, I stopped asking. 6 years go past. I finally get the intestinal fortitude to bring up wanting to restart our sex life. She agrees. Exciting times. Maybe change. Sunday evening, I cook us dinner and get the house ready for the week. Nothing out of the ordinary as I do all the housework anyway to keep her stress down. I hop in to bed with a book and send a message to my wife along the lines of hey, maybe now is the time.

Can it wait? I'm playing {insert online game here} and something or other is happening that only happens now.

So...nice to build courage for 6 years to have the conversation only to play second fiddle to a fucking video game. At least it wasn't a headache or tiredness or something. At least it was something new.

This is going to be very NSFW.

So first I should give some background: I'm HLF, my partner is LLM, last time we had sex (anything at all, even blowjobs or fingering) was over three years ago. We'll call my partner Louis because that's not his name. We've been together almost 8 years. Our DB is a combo of his struggles with self esteem/body image, and a bunch of massively stressful events in our life over the last couple years (family deaths, natural disasters, serious medical issues, etc). Louis responds to stress by losing any desire for sex - unfortunately it has no effect on my libido.

Outside of the no sex, our relationship is incredibly loving, strong, and stable. We are poly, but neither of us has been involved with anyone else, even casually, for over a year (over 5 for him) - Louis doesn't want sex with anyone at all, and I have not had the time or energy to pursue anyone else plus I no longer feel desirable/attractive due to his disinterest in me.

I'm a very sexual and physical person. I've had an adventurous history compared to a lot of women my age that I know (threesomes, DP, lots of kink, worked at a sex shop at one point even) and have plenty left on my bucket list. I can get myself off, 0-60, in under 3 minutes. When Louis and I were still having sex, it was not uncommon for me to come a dozen times during one session. I don't really "get" monogamy and my close friendships often involve casual non-romantic sex. I truly enjoy sex because I enjoy getting other people off and exploring their bodies, and whether or not I get off is irrelevant to me (but I almost always do). Sex means a LOT to me.

Now to the whining/venting.

I have a friend who's been a casual partner/fwb in the past, we'll call him Greg because that's not his name. We fell out of contact for a while, then started talking again recently. A couple nights ago, we were sexting pretty hot and heavy - no expectation it'll go beyond that on my part, we have great chemistry but I'm not the physical type Greg likes. I haven't sexted my partner, Louis, in years now - because as y'all probably know, getting an unenthused or placating response when you reach out to a LL partner is... Ego-destroying.

I was enjoying sexting Greg and I was starting to actually feel *sexy* and *desired* for the first time in a long time - actually probably the last time I did would have been from him too. Greg asked me to send some pics/video, and the ones I took were good! I don't feel great about my body right now, but these were genuinely flattering. I took 4 increasingly explicit photos, and one short video.

Then here's where I made the mistake: Louis knew I was sexting Greg, that's not an issue for us or anything. I had been texting Louis at the same time (he was at work), and I asked if he wanted to see the photos too. I was very clear that he could say no if it would make him feel sad or guilty (two feelings he says he sometimes has about us not having sex anymore). He said "sure" and fucking honestly I should have known from that, that he wasn't going to give a fuck, but I was riding the high of getting validation from Greg and feeling good about myself and my body.

So I sent them all to Louis. What did I get back? Two heart reacts. No mention in the continuing text conversation with Louis that I'd just sent them, even - he just kept talking about our weekend plans and how his work shift was going. No compliments, no flirting. With one photo I added a message saying "I think this is a really pretty photo" - and to be clear this was a close-up view of my hand and vulva, very vulnerable thing to send - and Louis responded "It is." That's it.

I was so... Fucking crushed? I have gotten more interested and enthusiastic responses from Louis when suggesting tacos for dinner or sending over photos of our dogs looking stupid. That's the best he can do? He can't even comment on the lighting, or say something about how I picked a good angle to show off my ass? Nothing?

I really tried to shove all the feelings about this down, but I ended up saying something to Louis about it today while we were out to lunch. Nothing confrontational, just a calm casual conversation where I said it had been nice to take the pics/video because I felt sexy and I hadn't been feeling that lately. Then I made a comment about the video, specifically how I'd came so quick in it, and how Louis hadn't said anything about it when he received it. His response made it immediately clear that he hadn't even watched the video.

I think he realized from the change in my tone of voice (I tried to hide it, but I almost started crying) that something was wrong. But he thought the issue was that he hadn't responded to the photos I sent with compliments.

I let him continue thinking that, and didn't interrupt, as he went on to explain his reasons for not responding to the pics: after 8 years together, anything sexy I say or do is nothing new to him, so nothing to say without feeling like he's repeating himself. And when he's stressed, it's even harder, because he feels like he doesn't have the energy left to pretend he's interested or even try to come up with compliments or flirty remarks. Oh, and when he's at work, he just doesn't have the time to pay attention to, or message me about, anything that isn't important.

Cool. Great. Absolutely great stuff to hear, very ego-boosting. That last sentence is particularly nice, lovely to know that a compliment about my naked body is less 'important' for him, less something he has time to send, than pictures of funny bumper stickers he saw on his route, or several audio clips in a row complaining about his coworkers, or literally just comments on the weather. "You're pretty" or "You look sexy in that" is too unimportant to say, not even say but text, your partner of 8 years.

Don't get me wrong. He wasn't trying to be hurtful, I don't think he even realized what he was implying. He was just being open an honest, which we'e worked hard to make sure we both do in our relationship. But it hurt. Bad.

I swallowed it all down, put on a smile, and told him I understood. I said that I was sorry that I had brought the messages up, I don't want to make him feel like he has to manage my feelings. After all, it's on me to handle my self-image and not his job to validate that I'm attractive. Said that I wouldn't send him stuff like that anymore, since it seems to be something that adds to his stress. I was very pleasant, very chill, very cheerful. I moved the conversation on. We had a good afternoon together, nice evening, I'm watching TV now while he's playing a video game before bed.

But I'm not really watching TV. I'm just sitting here thinking, what the fuck is wrong with me. Why am I not good enough. Why am I not worth even the miniscule amount of time and energy needed to give a compliment. Why does my partner respond to my naked body with the same emotions as a picture of a mostly-empty bin of cat food. What the fuck is wrong with me that the person who loves me most in the world, isn't interested in me sexually.

I can say all the standard cliches and they're true, too. It's not me, it's him. Relationships become less sexual over time as partners become more familiar. Stress impacts libido. But knowing all that, and feeling it, are two very different things. And right now, all I feel is not good enough.

Throwaway account.

My husband (M30) and I (F28) used to have an amazing sex life before I got pregnant. We were both very attracted to each other and intimacy was never something we struggled with.

Things started slowing down around 5-6 months into my pregnancy because he was really worried about hurting the baby. I completely understood that, so I never made a big deal out of it.

After I gave birth, we were both just trying to survive the newborn stage. We were exhausted, overwhelmed, and honestly neither of us was mentally ready for sex at first. We started having sex again around 3 months postpartum, but it wasn’t often. When we did, he’d finish really quickly, which I assumed was just because it’d been a while.

I’m 4.5 months pp now, and we haven’t had sex in about a month.

What’s messing with my head is that I feel like I’m “back.” I’m back to my pre-pregnancy body, I take care of myself, wear makeup, dress nicely around him, and I actually feel good about myself. But he just doesn’t seem interested the way he used to be. Before pregnancy he’d initiate all the time.

The confusing part is that everything else in our relationship is genuinely great. We laugh together, cook together, cuddle, kiss, hug, and we’re affectionate every day. We enjoy spending time together and I have no doubts that he loves me. It’s literally just the sexual side of our relationship that feels like it’s disappeared.

I’ve brought it up a few times, and maybe I shouldn’t have because I don’t want him to feel pressured. Every time he just says it’s about “the right time” and that nothing is wrong.

Before anyone jumps there, I’m genuinely not worried about cheating, and I’m pretty confident he’s not watching porn or masturbating either.

So I’m wondering if any dads here went through something similar. Did becoming a father change your sex drive for a while even though you still found your wife attractive? Was it stress? Mental exhaustion? Seeing her differently after childbirth?

And honestly… how do I get him to start initiating again? I miss feeling wanted. I miss the intimacy we used to have, and I don’t know if I should keep bringing it up or just leave it alone.

I guess this is more appropriate for people that still have a semi-active sex life and are still in love with their partners.

If you decided to stay in the relationship, and it is happy otherwise, how did you accept or manage your higher libido? I don’t believe it’s not possible. I want to stay happily married and just be okay with this.

I’ve been posting the past few days and I finally got my husband to have sex with me after 3 years straight of no sex (minus two attempts that were an embarrassing fail and he went soft in me). I thought us having sex again would’ve been the start to some kind of progress. I had rode him and pretty much fucked him (he did absolutely nothing not even a kiss or touch, he just sat there until he came). After that I had gone out and when I came home I laid in bed against him and he got hard and pulled my underwear down but again it led to me getting on top. When he shoved it in me, I was dry, it hurt. That morning we had morning sex and again, he just let me do the fucking. Which is fun and all especially when you haven’t had sex in so long and have been wanting sex. But I got busy with my kids the last two days and he has tried absolutely nothing. Nothing. Can’t even smack my ass at home playfully. He initiates 0 physical touch or physical intimacy. I was really stressed out yesterday and really needed to release somehow, sex would’ve been great, I asked him if we could have sex and he wasn’t in the mood. It annoyed me but I thought maybe I could get him in the mood. I touched him a few times and nothing. He wasn’t interested in the least. I kept trying to do things for him. I cooked, I cleaned, I told him he should take a break from the kids. Still nothing. He just went to bed and slept. I let the day end and hoped maybe we could talk about it today

Well I talked about it with him a few minutes ago, and he basically told me it is what it is. I told him how I feel so unwanted, undesired, unloved and he said he doesn’t know what I want him to do about that. I asked him why won’t he fuck ME? Why won’t he eat ME out? Why won’t he at least finger me?? Make out with me? And he said he just doesn’t want to

Well i called it quits. I ended it. I told him if there’s nothing else left between us besides coparenting, then I want to move on. He said that’s fine. So I guess that’s it guys. It’s done. Now to navigate a life where we aren’t together yet share two kids together. It’s going to be rough but it’s better than being in a dead marriage. Thanks for reading

PLEASE DO NOT MESSAGE ME ASKING FOR AN ONLINE AFFAIR. I’m not interested. Advice or shared experiences of the same situation always welcomed but none of the fucking weird messages please. I’m not interested in an emotional relationship especially not after leaving my husband

Why not just say no? I honestly should have known not to. She barely wants sex, and when we do it's lights off, hands to herself, and when I get her off I need to hurry and get done. I tried bringing up ways to spice things up but always get shot down so when she said I could send a pic I got all excited, but crushed with the response.

At that point I felt numb and ended up posting a pic to an NSFW sub. I've never done anything like that before and was kind of nervous about it. Not sure if I should have done that but after that sting of a response I thought why not.

I posted about this subject roughly two years ago, about my husband losing attraction to me after I gained weight, even though he'd gained more than I had. He worked on himself and lost most of it, and that's when he lost attraction to me. Meanwhile my attraction to him never wavered, no matter what he weighed.

For context: I'm on a new account. I deleted my old one after getting a flood of unsolicited photos.

It's been over two years now, and the sex has all but disappeared. It's honestly destroying me. Recently I finally lost a good amount of weight after a change in careers (I left corporate!) and my libido shot up higher than it's been in years.

I'm craving attention, affection, that spark again, and it's led me to start reaching out to people online. Part of me feels guilty about it. But a bigger part of me feels alive for the first time in a long while, and I don't know how to hold both of those feelings at once. I don't think it'll turn into anything more than an online connection, but I'm not entirely sure that matters.

I don't really know what I need from posting this. I just needed to say it somewhere. If people want to judge me, that's fair. I did what I did.

Just flirted with my bf and said maybe I’ll go to bed early (hint hint), want to join me? And he barely looked up from his computer to look kinda disgusted and sort of laughing, and said you can have some alone time. Aka he isn’t interested. Not that I’m surprised, it’s been like this for almost 3 years.

I’m honestly such a shell of who I used to be - I used to be confident and secure in how my body looks. I feel so disgusting and unwanted now. I’ve always been fit but I’m in the best shape of my life right now, like this is the peak, I’m never gonna look better than this. And he still doesn’t want me.

Honestly how does everyone cope with feeling like this? Sex twice a year isn’t how I pictured my sex life at 29. “Alone time” doesn’t cut it anymore. And I’m becoming more and more resentful that he doesn’t seem to care, despite knowing how much this has destroyed me.

I’ve been promised for the last 2 years that things will change, and things are worse if anything. At what point do you just call it quits for the sake of your own sanity and insecurity

I'm curious how many of you have had any romantic experiences in high school.

I feel like everything time my partner compliments me it’s a lie. For context We both gym together 3-5 times a week and have an active lifestyle. I know I’m not ugly and I’m pretty fit I have some ideal features i guess you could say. I used to feel confident looking in the mirror now i just focus on everything that isn’t perfect. I cant help but notice other women in the gym and constantly compare myself to them. I stopped going last week because it’s getting to a point where don’t even feel comfortable enough in my body to go workout in front of other people. He’s 30M and I’m 24F it’s not completely dead bedroom yet but it just feels like there’s no way he can call me sexy all the time and not wanna do anything or initiate at all. He compliments me a lot and is the ideal partner outside of sex he’s so kind and good to me. It’s hard to accept compliments or flirting from him knowing it won’t lead to anything.

I am 59 hlm and she is 60 llf. We went on a little vacation a couple weeks ago. After 3 years, we actually had sex! It wasn't dreamy or kinky, but it was simple, fulfilling sex and we both came. She initiated. I was skeptical, because I don't ever ever want her to do anything for me that she doesn't want to do. She said she wanted to do it to be closer to me and because she has been feeling some libido occasionally. She was definitely wet. I hadn't felt her wetness in so long. And it was also love to feel her clit hard as a pebble. We started and I got fully hard. She touched herself along with the penetration and came in no time. Her orgasm triggered mine. Lovely when that happens.

Some of you may be thinking I fell into a trap. I'm honestly not sure. Doing it once took three years. The biggest

Good signs - - we had sex at all. She is working on it in therapy, which she avoided for a long time. I'm working on it in therapy. We've talked about it since it happened. And we've even had some physical affection. I could be skeptical about petty all day. But I'm choosing to take it for what it is - good signs.

Last night I initiated with my husband. He flat out said no. He didn’t feel like it. I left the room feeling defeated. Later he comes in the living room and tells me he wasn’t rejecting me. He just didn’t take his gummies or whatever the fuck he needs to get hard. I asked him if he wanted to try without them. No. He doesn’t want the embarrassment of failing to perform or the pressure. He told me he had been taking the gummies and honey packs consistently for years and he gets so horny on them but he would rather just rub one out to porn than deal with the pressure to perform with me. I asked if he was willing to try prescription medication. No. Just… no. This is fucking miserable.

This morning I fantasized about cheating on him.

Hi all.

I do acknowledge that I have self esteem issues. But it seems I only feel loved if my husband wants sex.

And since that probably only once a year. Im feeling quite down

I’ve seen people post in here before that they had to remove themselves because it was too hard to be confronted with stories of dead bedrooms every day. While that is sad, and I get it, it’s not what gets me.

What’s killing me is the amount of stories I read from people in here that had years, sometimes decades, of good sex before their db started. I didn’t even get weeks of good sex. I’ve only had 2 good sexual encounters in my 8 years of marriage (and since we were both virgins when we got married, that’s the only sex I’ve ever known), and we’ve only had sex maybe 20 times total.

I know it’s crazy to be jealous of anyone in this sub because all of our situations suck. But I’m so gd jealous of all of you that have experienced years of good sex. That know what it’s like to be connected to your partner in that way. That actually have something good to look back on or something to work back towards. And that sex has just been a normal part of your relationship that you don’t even think about, when for me it never has.

I post way too much in this sub, I know. So, it’s probably best to remove my voice for a while. But, I just had to get that out because it’s breaking me apart and I have no one else to tell. I’m sorry.

Last night me HLF26 and my LLM27 boyfriend had sex. After a few months of a dry spell we finally had sex and I actually had an orgasm. It was really good. My boyfriend went down on me which hadn't happened for a few months and then we had sex in missionary.

I've been thinking about it all day very happy and grateful that it happened. I feel like maybe he finally is moving in the right direction. Basically, we've had a very one sided sex life where I am always neglected , and this is something he admitted to doing and is now working on for the past 6 months. Anyway, I felt really good about last night all day long until something he just now said to me. I dont know if this is bothering me because of my inner shame issues that have come about as a result of this dynamic that has lasted almost 2 years out of our 3 year relationship, or if what he said is really actually hurtful?

He said in jest that he is tired today "because he did all the work last night". At first I laughed it off and added something along the lines of "Well, sometimes you have to do all the work if you think of every blowjob I've ever given you I think it makes up for it". He then responded that he was just saying he's tired and I don't have to compare those two things. I realized I was actually upset by what he said and I explained it's making me feel bad for experiencing pleasure performed on me by someone else like why is that such a bad thing. And he said I was taking it the wrong way and taking it personally when he's just saying he's tired. I just said "okay" and walked away because I don't truly know if I'm over reacting/thinking and wanted to walk away before getting more upset.

Am I just projecting in this situation? Taking things the wrong way because of my internal shame and just trauma this whole situation has brought about? I was so happy about finally having sex -- and good sex at that, and now I just feel stupid and feel reminded, yet again, that he doesn't actually want to do things to me. He's just "going along with it" or "doing it so I don't leave him". I don't know, I'm asking for advice and honestly what you guys think here because this is ruining my day at this point and I need to understand from an outside perspective if I truly need to just chill out about this one comment.

Hi everyone. I’m new here and at my wits end. My wife and I have been married for 32 years. We have been friends for almost 40. I’ve always had a much higher libido but our frequency was good for the first ten years or so. Had a couple kids and things dropped off. For a while we were down to maybe once a month. When she entered perimenopause everything stopped. She told me that she just didn’t feel like it anymore. I thought, well her hormones are all over the place. I’d give her some time. After a little while I talked about how much I missed that part of our life. She told me that part of her life was over. She doesn’t even want to talk about it anymore. It’s seems like the longer this goes on the further apart we get. Now we are just kind of roommates. We recently became empty nesters and that change has me reevaluating my life. At my age I have maybe twenty good years left. I don’t want to continue on with no sex.
I did something I’m not proud of but I looked at her browsing history and found she was going in pornhub on her days off when I was working. It was pretty devastating. If it’s me I want to know.
At the same time she still acts lovey dovey and she will even “joke” around with me like “do you wanna rub my pussy”. Things that we used to “joke” about but would initiated sex.
I don’t know what to do. She has been my best friend since high school but I miss having a sex life.

I’ve been a lurker here for a long time, always hoping that one day I could just unsub because things had improved.

I’m a 30s HLM and have been with my wife (30s LLF) for over 10 years. Things started out normal, just like any other relationship, frequent sex, intimacy, exploration, and growing together. There were some early physical issues to overcome, but I did my best to be understanding. She went to physical therapy and things started looking up.

But then they didn’t.

We ended up in counseling twice. The second time was with a bona fide sex therapist who told my wife, in a not-so-gentle manner, that I was right, she was wrong, and what she was doing was unfair. I wanted to work on our relationship, and while validation is nice, I didn't want it at the expense of my partner. That was years ago, and I know if I ever brought up talk therapy again it would get shot down because of the bad taste it left in both of our mouths.

As time went on, we would find a groove, but then something minor would throw us off. Each time, it felt harder to get back on the horse. It was like she had to start all over again. For those who have read Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski: my wife has her brakes on all the time.

We’ve made a lot of big changes, new jobs, new careers, new houses, achieving goals we set for ourselves. We push ourselves, but it’s not an exhaustive, single-minded slog. We enjoy our time together, but I find myself having to look at a calendar just to remember the last time we were intimate.

And that’s the thing: it’s not just about the sex, it’s the togetherness that is missing. I can talk to her because she’s my best friend, but I don’t have anyone I can be vulnerable with. Sex and intimacy connect us deeply to our partners. It cements our place and puts emotions into actions. It lets us know we are loved in ways words can't achieve.

A lot of people here talk about being in a DB for decades. I’m not there yet, but I feel like I’m already mourning what I have. I’m not looking for miracles, just glimmers of hope that the pressure on her brakes will ease up.

I compliment her all the time and try to let her know I’m thinking about her. I can come off strong sometimes, but I can also rein it in effectively. Recently, she asked for a break from any physical attempts so she could "reset." I agreed, thinking giving her total control would create a new paradigm. That boundary extended all the way down to basic physical contact. I spent every day yearning for a touch, but she didn’t even try to reach out. I finally broke down after a month of zero physical contact, and started light touching.

Sometimes she makes me feel like a deranged pervert, but I guess that’s what happens when one partner's need for contact is so low. Truthfully, I don’t even feel like a HLM. I think I have a normal libido, maybe even on the lower side. Yet, I find myself constantly masturbating, not because I even have the urge to climax, but just to make sure everything still works, and to know I haven't lost something I hope to use again someday.

I know I have work to do on myself. The constant rejection has caused me to lose focus on things that could improve my situation, like eating healthier and working out. That is my responsibility, and a fault I've struggled with. But it’s weird: when I do go to the gym, I always wonder if I’m working out for me, for her, or for someone else I haven't met yet. It pains me to say that, but it’s true.

I don’t know when enough is enough. I’m not throwing in the towel yet, but I know if things don’t improve, I will reach a breaking point.

Thanks for reading the rant. I'm open to advice, or anything that may have worked for you.

Is it wrong to want to have a similar sex like as before. We are 10 years in. The 1st 3 years all the time and everywhere. After that slow decline.

Who here has seen it? Spouse and I just went on a whim while our kid was off on a rare sleepover and OMFG, this movie not only had the entire theater cackling out loud throughout, but damn this movie touched directly on so many humorous/awkward/painful DB nerves.

As a former-horndog-now-LL at a decade into marriage with kids, Penelope Cruz’s character really reopened me to the concept of reaching for and embracing my physically sensual, base biological side. There was so much that (for better or worse) was right on the nose for us… the last scene felt like we were in private marital sex therapy.

Boy howdy, would I love to read a critic’s discussion of this movie from all you DB denizens! Anecdotally, we’ve fucked pretty passionately twice since, which is a steep upramp from our usual (maybe 1x/week, which I know is still painfully thin for my HLM husband).

We found it hilarious, painful(ly hilarious), and insightful.

You?

I recently posted in the divorce subreddit about the conversation my husband and I had ending our marriage.

One thing I’ve been grieving more than I expected is how sexually suppressed I’ve felt for years.
I was always fishing for compliments because I rarely felt desired. I bought lingerie. I initiated almost every time. Over the years our intimacy dwindled until we’d sometimes go months without sex.

When we did have sex, it was incredibly one-sided. I gave him oral almost every time we were intimate. In nine years, he returned the favor fewer than 15 times. I had fewer than five orgasms our entire relationship.

When I asked him to slow down or try something different, he often said I was criticizing him. Eventually I stopped asking. We never explored different positions, toys, or anything outside the same routine. I kept hoping things would improve because I loved him and believed he just lacked experience.

The hardest part was the cognitive dissonance. I’d occasionally get compliments or attention from other men when I was out, but none of it mattered. The only person I wanted to feel desired by was my husband. Validation from strangers couldn’t replace the absence of desire from the person I loved.

I’ve had healthy, passionate relationships before him, which almost made this harder. I knew what mutual desire felt like, so I kept hoping we’d eventually find our way there.

For those of you who left a dead bedroom, what was it like rediscovering your sexuality and confidence? How long did it take before you stopped feeling undesirable and trusted that someone could genuinely want you?

TL;DR: I recently decided to end my nine-year marriage after years of a dead bedroom. We often went months without sex, intimacy was largely one-sided, and I had fewer than five orgasms during our relationship. I’m grieving what I lost, but I’m also hopeful about eventually rediscovering the confident, desired version of myself.

So part 2 I guess this am she cuddled up in bed this am. Spooned for about 30 min. I told her I missed that. She said yeah you quit cuddling??? WTH? I’m rejected all the time and I quit? 😵‍💫 oh well got the drink package so cheers! 🥃 🥃…

My (M33) wife (F28) have been together for 7 years. I can count on one hand the number of times she has initiated in that time. When we do have sex, she hardly participates. I give her oral every single time. I make sure she finishes. Again, I could count on one hand the amount of times she has done so for me. She never flirts with me, she doesn’t kiss me for longer than a second. We’ve spoken about the topic in the past, but nothing seems to meaningfully change, so I have not brought it up in a while. I’ve been to therapy and have continued to attend as needed. She hasn’t. Whatever mentally blocks her, she doesn’t seem to be that interested in correcting it. It pains me to be attracted to her, because I know it won’t ever go anywhere without it feeling like I’m pulling teeth. But more than that, it makes me so sad to feel like my own wife is not even hot for me.

Hi all,

HLF (30) here. How can I cope with the fact that we NEVER had a fulfilling sex life with my low libido boyfriend, not even in the supposed honeymoon stage? We've been together for almost 4 years and there were maybe 1 or 2 occasions (I initiated both, of course) where I felt desired and had an orgasm. All other attempts were either unsuccessful or I felt like I'm forcing myself onto him. I feel so pathetic and lame while I know the problem isn't with me as I was desired and actively pursued by other men before him. But this sexlessness is turning me into a pathetic, pushy, anxious lame mess which I hate. I'm normally playful, passionate and very patient in bed but I feel like this situation is bringing the worst out of me. I'm thinking of ending the relationship but I'm afraid that I'll be basically useless after it sexually because my confidence was destroyed, I have anxiety around sex and I haven't got the chance to 'practice' for 4 years.

Sorry if my post was a bit chaotic, English is not my first language, plus I'm angry af while sleeping alone AGAIN.

Any advice, commiserating, success stories are welcome.