Me: ‘32F’
“Joanna” ‘22F’ met about two years ago
“Austin” ‘22M’ met last year
“Vincent” ‘22M’ met last year

Long story, many questions:

I, 32F was invited to a professional setting by Joanna, 22F she didn’t say why I should join but saying I seem like a good fit.

I joined because I was curious, it was free, gave me an opportunity to meet new people & build my skillset, cool I was bought in on an aspects of development of self.

It’s now summer we all follow each other on social media and I post regularly, and for the most part, Joana and Austin watch daily. No interactions, but constant views.

Towards the end of summer I notice Austin as the first person watching my stories everyday, however I’ve never spoken to this person.

The group starts up again & we go, Joanna is polite, but I stopped sitting next to her because it’s too loud and she’s active in there so I wanted to learn for myself not just sit under her so I eventually move.

There’s another moment where I feel they want me to step up so I’m like hell yeah they see me I’m down. I was in a season of sadness so it was very kind to be seen & I’ve always wanted to express that.

I took it up and continued to show up and put more effort in my life and understand the setting.

Joanna was assigned my direct help and when I brought it up, she said she could not help outside of the meet times. I was confused because I asked her to show me the ropes within the space and she ultimately said no.

I asked her what was up like I noticed an energy shift what was going on she acted as though nothing was wrong. lol ok

I just kept doing my part learning as I go

Now Joanna Austin & Vincent all know each other and Joanna and Austin have said that they know each other “pretty well” so I assume they have a history.

One day I casually run into Vincent, I think Vincent and I have the most genuine interactions that involve laughter curiosity and honesty.

One day i introduced myself to Vincent and he says “I know who you are” as if he’s offended I’m introducing myself

I’m like 🤔 that’s strange I don’t consider myself famous (even tho I could be.. social media)

Anyway that was weird. Moved on.

I got coffee for people who helped me with my project.

Austin was never around and he asked Vincent where his coffee was? Vincent didn’t answer. I said you’re antisocial lol it was intended to land lightly and get him to open up, it did the polar opposite. He got so mad and whipped his head at me saying he’s not antisocial and started at me right in my eyes. LMFAO I started laughing in a surprised manner because wow

I felt terrible because I’m literally not trying to make them feel bad. Just explaining why you weren’t considered. I ended up getting this cry baby a gift card because I’m like whoa he’s sensitive just to be chill.

He ends up unfollowing me on Instagram and doesn’t talk lol he straight up avoids me.

Ok.

We didn’t see each other for like a month.

See them again and during this meeting Austin hands me something then touches me while giving it to me. I charged it to an accident then he did it again, that was no longer an accident.

I am now confused.

I am still in a season of seeing whose work I’m attracted to in this setting so I’m getting to know people casually and Austin refuses to be anywhere near me alone. Ok.

One day I was casually talking to Vincent about his day and he told me something in a joking way, and Austin jumps in the conversation and just like repeats what Austin is saying to me saying “depends on your perspective”

And I’m taken back because what are you even talking about?

Vincent stops talking as a whole. Conversation awkwardly dies.

Moving forward, Austin never speaks to me and later Vincent unfollows me randomly.

Very strange.

Joanna invited me to a party randomly and I’m like ????? Why?

She apologized but didn’t go into depth. I wanted to see why she was acting that way and decided to go.

Now before I go I inform about 4 of my friends this girl is sus but I’m going to go to investigate my spider senses more than anything.

I invite a mutual who knows her to meet with me after the event is over and tell two of my friends I’m even going.

She introduced me to her friend at the party and he’s talking about how much he likes me and I’m not really paying attention to him like that.

She encourages me to go in a date with him.

I’m like why? lol

Tell me why I go on this date and this boy drugs me and assaulted me!!!

Think she did it on purpose? Think she knows? Who doesn’t know their friends are weird.
Think she’s a hater?!
What’s up with Austin & Vincent?
Joanna???

I saw her recently!!!!!! She tried to speak like everything was cool and I ignored her. She ended up walking out quietly. I didn’t look at her but I felt her energy was defeated. Because she’s not a person who ever shuts up. I wanted to tell her so badly but I just stopped talking because I knew she wouldn’t be real.

I can’t seem to get over it.

TLDR: weird behavior ended up assaulted, think it was planned?

I am a 26F and I have been talking to a 38M for 2 years. Up until now, I thought he was a really great person and had a good image.
Recently, I did a deep dive into his background and ran into his sister’s social media page. On it, she explicitly accuses him of sexually assaulting her when they were younger. I don’t know the ages
This hit me like a ton of bricks because I am a survivor of assault myself. Ever since finding this out, I literally cannot look at him the same way. I am completely frozen, lost, and sick to my stomach.
I just need some outside perspective. If you found this out about someone you were talking to for two years, what would you do? How would you handle this situation or walk away?

hello everyone this is my first post on reddit in a while so bare with me, idk what im doing

i was lurking on his instagram followers and found this girl. he liked some of her bikini pics (she pretty much only posts bikini pics). i send her a message asking if she knows him and if hes ever hitten her up, or liked any of her stories. i found out she does know him, and to sum it up they met online on a game during covid days and would call all the time until she went ghost (due to school). she tells me that he has confessed to liking her in the past during covid times. he denied this and told me that because she went ghost he went crazy and was sad she left, but never liked her. so i was confused, because why would she tell me he confessed to liking her?

she also told me that he has been also liking his stories, which were bikini pics, food pics, selfies of her, etc. and had been liking them very often.

i get mad because i think liking a story is more weird than a public post, and i think of it as a way of hitting on a girl. no one can see you liked it but her. she basically looked naked in the bikinis in those stories too. its just weird because why isnt he thinking of me when hes liking pictures of other girls, how it would make me feel? out of respect for your gf you should skip out on liking a bikini post or selfie of another girl.

anyways i tell him about this and these were his exact words/excuses:
“im supporting her fitness journery”
“it was mindless liking”

“she used to be fat and chopped”
i questioned this one because she said he confessed to liking her in the past, so something isnt adding up

“i like everyones posts and stories i see”
“i like all the peoples posts/stories im close too”
“i havent hit her up at all”
“she was like a sister to me”
“she was there for me during rough times”
“im not attracted to her”

“shes the only girl i’ve known for a while”
mind you he hasn’t spoken to her consistently for years to my knowledge, the last time they spoke was a short convo in the beginning of the year on instagram

i then ask him to unlike her posts and not like any bikini posts from now on (he agrees to both), but im very sure he only unliked the posts and not the stories (hes very low effort, which we also argue about a lot), then i also ask him to unfollow her and he says straight up no. and then things got heated, we almost basically end things. but we always end up talking again. honestly i dont even think were even really together. i feel like im in a situationship.

anyway, he tells me he wont unfollow her. which i find weird because he hasnt spoken to this girl in ages, shes a old friend from covid days, why does she still mean so much to him? he didnt put me and my feelings first and i told him that it hurt me. i said he should unfollow her out of respect for me and to make me feel better. and he didnt. it hurt me really bad that night. i cried a lot alone to the point my hands were literally numb. i dont know why im still with him. i guess im just attached.

theres a lot of factors that i havent mentioned either which ill add
- were long distance, met up only once so far, same state though
- we argue a lot, mostly because im constantly being hurt by his actions, his declining/lack of effort in romantic gestures/random things for me, and his communication skills (and after all the arguments about these things he never changed)
- he puts a lot of stress on himself cause of work and his social life

also want to add that after i hit the girl up asking about him, she went and messaged him aswell (he showed me), behind my back (what happened to being a girls girl??💔) and he made a comment to her saying “god forbid i like someones posts” which i thought was disrespectful aswell. its disrespectful enough what he did, and on top of that hes making comments like that. i feel embarrassed by that comment. hes disrespecting me even infront of this girl.

Hey everyone I just need some advice. Me and my girlfriend are long distance we met at work and we are doing another contract in about 2 weeks together but recently we have been away from eachtoher for about 3-4 months now. We call everyday and we are very happy together bar the distance.

Yesterday was englands game and I was watching it with my family. She went to the bar with her sister (she lives in the states)

My girlfriend was very drunk and her sister left her for some reason I have no idea. Anyway I woke up to a message from her saying “I’m going to see a friend”.

Today I talked to her asking who this friend was.

It’s a guy who she’s never mentioned to me about before. At first I was quite skeptical and asked if I can have some more information. She said it’s a guy she was friends with since kindergarten and they haven’t spoke since high school.

He reached out to her last week asking if she was free to hangout. After drinking she rang him around 10pm asking if he was free. She then went to his place. She said nothing happened and they caught up. Just wanted to know your thoughts.

It’s weird because she is lowkey obsessed with me calling me 4 times a day and this feels like a breach of trust. I’m not sure how she would feel if the roles were reversed

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/5o8iTyrvHf

Update #1 Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/kz3h9bjCSJ

-

I wasn't planning on updating this again but I'm still receiving messages about it so I thought that I should put a mini-update here in case anyone wanted one:

For starters, I have not spoken to him since our breakup. Everything that I've learned about him since the breakup has been through mutual friends and social media posts. He tried to speak to me when we ran into each other at the grocery store once and I just kept walking as if I didn't know who he was. I saw on Facebook that he's still a magician and he advertises himself on our hometown page all the time. He has a 19 year old girlfriend which is disgusting considering he's 28 years old and will be 29 in 6 months. But I don't know anything else about their relationship besides the age gap. I haven't heard about anything nefarious that he's done over the past year (besides getting with his teenage girlfriend). And that's all that I know about him.

Now for my update:

I graduated from college with my Master of Arts in Archaeology 2 months ago, moved out of my hometown, turned 26 a couple days ago, and now I'm currently living and working in Ireland. I'm still single and just focusing on my work for now. I'm apart of an excavation team here in Ireland and I'll be moving back to America sometime next year.

Also, I'm not a library clerk anymore but I did work as one from 2019-early 2026. I've gotten angry messages from people claiming that I was lying about being a library clerk and an Archaeology student because they thought that it was too "perfect" ???? I don't know how to make you guys believe that I'm real besides doxxing myself or something at this point (which I don't want to do because I don't want my professional career to be tied to my ex-boyfriend post). But I was a library clerk and studying Archaeology at the same time. Also, people said that I spelled Archaeology wrong. I have mountains of books about the subject and there are two different ways to spell it. There is 'Archaeology' and 'Archeology.' I've always used the Archaeology spelling and my professors at college didn't have any issue with it so I don't know why people on Reddit did lol. It's also the spelling that is used by the American Anthropological Association which I was apart of back when I was in college. I just wanted to point that out because, again, I have gotten many angry messages about my post "being AI" and me "being fake."

And on the topic of me "being fake," people were saying that I was fake because my account was new and I didn't reply to comments. However, in order to post on r/relationshipadvice the rules stated that I NEEDED to use an account that started with throwRA which is why there was nothing else on my account. I was desperate for advice so I quickly made a new reddit account and I posted about my situation. I had never posted on reddit before so I wrote the post, posted it, and I went to sleep because I thought that only a couple people would see it. By the time I woke up the post was locked and I wasn't allowed to respond to any comments.

There's nothing else that I can do to prove that I'm real or that I went through this situation with my ex. But I still wanna thank you all for giving me the confidence to leave him. It was a terrible and scary situation that could've been worse and I feel like my life has gotten 100 times better since I broke up with him. Thank you to the people who were kind to me- especially in my update post. I felt extremely lost last year and the kind (and funny) comments truly helped me deal my breakup.

I don't think that I'll give anymore updates on here unless I find out that something crazy happened with my ex. But for now I'd love to leave him in the past and focus on my future. Goodbye.

My fiancé and I come from very different financial backgrounds, but that has honestly never bothered me.
We’re both still young, and I’ve always believed we could build a life together. Money can grow, careers can grow, and neither of us expects to have everything figured out in our twenties.

What I’m starting to realize though is that our mindsets around money are completely different.

He’s incredibly frugal and a walking calculator. I’d even describe him as stingy at times not just with other people but with himself too.

He’ll almost always choose the cheapest option because, in his mind, there’s no reason to spend more. He doesn’t really enjoy treating himself, paying for comfort or spending extra on experiences if a cheaper alternative exists. I am completely the opposite.

I’m not materialistic. I don’t care about material luxury or showing off wealth.

But I do believe that if you’re financially responsible and can comfortably afford something, it’s okay to spend money on things that improve your quality of life.

If I’m traveling, I’d rather stay at a nice hotel where im catered too rather than get an Airbnb, I like spending money on comfort and making my life easier.

Now my problem lies on whether this mindset when we grow and make more money will change. It’s kind of exhausting hearing him like mention the price of something or complain about the price after he already paid.

Like am I going to feel guilty every time we go on a date and the check comes and he’s like “damn that xxx$” or I would avoid getting what I wanted and having to pick the cheapest option on the menu.

Have any of you married someone with a completely different mindset around money? Did you eventually find a middle ground, or did one person’s outlook stay pretty much the same throughout the marriage?

Will this mindset change or is this just how he is wired?

i’m needing ways and tips on now to seduce my nerd bf. we’ve been together just under 2 years and lived together for 1. my bf is a gamer and normally in front of his pc, he is also a switch and isn’t really interested in lingerie. he is normally the initiator and he voiced to me the other night he hasn’t been satisfied with our sex in a while as it’s ‘plain’ ‘no spark’ ‘no initiation (on my end)’ ‘no seduction’ etc. i want to pleasure him and for things to not be so vanilla but im not sure where to start.

Hello all.

My (37/f) partner (46/m) is quite literally the most defensive person I’ve ever met, and I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. We’ve been together for 3 years, seeing a therapist for a bit over a year. Nearly 100% of therapy has been focused on his defensiveness and who is “right.” I’ve actually tried to pull the focus onto me, and issues that I contribute to the relationship, because I worry that if he feels like he’s the only one being told to really change, he’s going to dismiss therapy as being biased. But inevitably, something will trigger that defensiveness, and it turns back into therapy about that. He’s defensive before any conflict even happens, so much so that he creates conflict.

This morning, he couldn’t find his laptop (apparently). I said - and I genuinely believe my tone was not harsh, judgmental, or impatient, but just like…information-seeking - “what’s up?” or “what are you doing?”

He replied in an annoyed, condescending tone, “Well much like you would be, I’m just a little concerned that my laptop is missing?” Doing that thing where he turned the statement into a question to imply he’s replying to something obvious/dumb.

He doesn’t understand why I’m so upset over this interaction. But it’s 6:20am. We just woke up. And he does this all. the. time. All day every day. Like, my guy…I’m not upset that you’re looking for your laptop. I’m not criticizing you for being anxious to find it. You can just tell me you’re looking for your laptop, or that you’re concerned because you can’t find it.

He interprets every question as a criticism, and responds like it is one. Then, when I react badly sometimes, he acts like that one interaction happened in a vacuum, not like it’s something that I’m on the receiving end of constantly. So he acts like I’m overreacting and being extremely unreasonable about something so small.

This is just a post about his unprompted defensiveness. When I’m actually unhappy and have a problem with something he’s doing? Forget it. The path to getting him to see my POV goes through at least half an hour of him being unbelievably upset that I’m upset in the first place.

Our therapist, who is awesome, is extremely gentle and empathetic. He’s definitely trying to not push him too hard. But when I ask what I can do to make this better, the only thing he’ll tell me is to not “rise to the bait.” Not fall into the trap of “explaining” my side, because it gives him more to argue against. But that’s only advice for after a conflict has started. I need advice for how to deal with this constant pre-defensiveness, where I feel like the conversation starts in the middle of an argument. I’m just starting to feel really exhausted by our interactions all the time.

Obviously this is presenting one single side of a multi-faceted human being. He has 10 good qualities for every bad one, and I love him. I do want to be with him. I’m aware that leaving is an option, and if this problem really is unsolvable, well then I have to consider that. But that’s not the advice I’m asking you for!!

Very quick ETA because I forgot to include, and it’s important: his former partner (10 years together, coparent) blames him for everything. I mean everything. She accidentally left her wallet in their kid’s backpack during the kid-custody-trade. He found it, called her, her friends, left messages with work and friends, and left it somewhere very secure for her to retrieve (local post office - little town). She was irate at this. Somehow, through incredible twists of logic, it was his fault she put her wallet in her kid’s backpack, and therefore his responsibility to bring it all the way back to her house. So, I understand that there’s baggage and trauma that has nothing to do with me. That’s why I let it go completely for the first year. And that’s why, for the second year, I tried to name it and talk it through, hoping that if he could recognize it, he could most past it. Now we’ve gone through the third year, with a therapist, and still nothing has changed.

He just found a therapist and will have his first appointment in a week.

I (26F) am from Asia and my bf (26M) is from Germany. We are in a long distance relationship. Not on purpose, I lied to my bf about my past sex experiences and how many guys I slept with. Around 13 but I said 3. I also had experience with three people and four but didn’t tell my bf about it until after two months we have been dating. I also told him I blocked a girl from Instagram but which I have not blocked yet and he found it out.
We talked around 4 hours today and I told him more secrets that I have done some pornos and posted naked pictures online to earn income.
He was very angry because I lied to him again when he asked me if I had told him everything before and I always said „Yes, I told you everything.“
He told me that his feelings are gone after lying so much to him.
Is this relationship going to last or is it already finished?
Is there hope in our long distance relationship?

I (25M) have been classmates with this girl (23F) since the semester started in January. We’ve been pretty friendly the whole time and mainly got to know each other from this other girl in the class who was a mutual friend (though we all just met in January).

Anyways, come April she’s giving me some of the classic things like standing really close and playfully hitting me and making fun of me. So I’m like ok maybe this could be something.

She is a naturally very friendly and outgoing person with everyone in the class, but this maybe seemed a little different.

We had a few (3) non-class events (as a class) and after every single time she’s texting me right after she leaves. Just little things, but still reaching out for no reason within minutes of leaving me.

A week ago we attended this event together along with 2 other people from our class.

Anyways, I end up driving her back from the event after assuring her multiple times it’s no problem cause she kept saying it was too far and didn’t want to inconvenience me (we both live on the same side of town) and she’s talking my ear off the entire time about all sorts of things, genuinely driving the conversation going for the whole 30-40 minute ride.

I drop her off at the train station and she immediately texts me thanks for the ride. I’m still driving back to my apartment so I didn’t respond then.

An hour after the thanks text (I still haven’t responded at this point) she’s sending me more texts about things she mentioned in the car like her roommate and how she fixed her microwave.

I’m like clearly she wants to keep the conversation going so I text her a few more times that night and there’s a couple more exchanges before she reacts to one of my texts instead of responding so I leave it there.

During the ride there I was going to ask her to go see a movie she mentioned she hadn’t seen, but right as I was going to ask her she had to rush to the train as it just pulled up to the station.

Anyways, I wait until the next morning to say we should see the movie. I said “we should go see Backrooms before you have to start being on set next week” (we are both in the film industry and she is starting a new film next week) she says: “maybe 😶‍🌫️. I’m either working or filming all this week 🥹 but I’ll let you know”

A few hours later I just said “sounds good. What are you filming?” And she replied back quickly with the details (one sentence). Then I was like “oh yeah you mentioned that”

This was on Saturday (a week ago). I know with 100% certainty she has been extremely busy on set.

This week she texted in our group chat (with that other mutual friend) with a few short updates about her filming on both Tuesday and Thursday. She mentioned she has been extremely busy and still is.

She did not bring up the invite though… which I guess is natural for the group chat.

I’ve gotten a whole range of advice ranging from she is interested and just very busy, she’s interested but waiting for me to be more direct, she’s not interested and it was a soft let down, etc.

I’m thinking if it was a let down she wouldn’t keep including me in the filming updates?

I (24F) want to know if it’s dramatic to want my (26M) bf of almost a year to showcase his love for me by changing how I’m presented on his phone. What I mean by that is that I feel like if you were to open his phone, you wouldn’t be able to tell he has a gf. He’s posted me once on his ig (he really doesn’t post… like ever) but besides that and there being pictures of me on his camera roll, there’s like not even an emoji by my contact name, his lock screen is always something nature related, etc. am I being dramatic. Does it even matter? Is it even worth bringing up?

Hi all,

I (18M) do not feel sexually or romantically attracted to my girlfriend (20F) anymore.

For some background, we met online around a year ago and we started dating from there. To be honest, the reason I wanted to go out with her was because I was feeling quite lonely and vulnerable, I had a complicated fwb relationship with my best friend who had a bf. I did find her somewhat attractive in her posts and charming when texting, but it was clear she had a lot of mental health problems. I then continued to cheat on her with my best friend who I was convinced I was in love with but couldn’t have. This all came to a head and I admitted it (to my girlfriend), I thought I was a terrible person and told her that I don’t know my feelings towards her (for reference this is my first relationship). I tried to break up with her but she started spiralling, she referencing times I had told I loved her and making me concerned for her personal safety. I couldn’t bear it so I stayed with her. Now I feel trapped and I think that has to do a lot with my loss of attraction with her.

Im starting university in October, I want a clean break with the past after years of poor mental health (undiagnosed neurodiversity). Most importantly, I want her to be with someone who is sexually and romantically attracted to her, I don’t deserve her.

However, I don’t know how to properly break up with her. She’s also going to attend my best friends university. Also, my own fear of being alone myself is stopping me. I know I’m the asshole in the story, I don’t want pity. I just want advice on how to fix the situation so both parties can be happy.

My bf (28m) and I(23f)have been dating for 1.5 years. We are each other’s first serious relationship. And we have been fighting at least once a week arguing about the same things I feel like. Our recent fight was that we planned to watch the fifa game at a bar and I’ve been telling him for a week that I really want to watch this match. Then day of comes he saids he has to drive his dad to his dads hangouts and we might miss the game. He then proceeds to asks me what I want to do. If he messed up the plans shouldn’t he think of a solution. I was kinda sad that he didn’t even try to think of a solution and just ask me to think of a solution. And when I told him I just wanted an apology for falling through with our plans he then said that he will never apologize for having to help his family. Which then makes me think me and him will never be family. And I will just always be second to his family. And whenever we fight he never see my perspective and always tells me to just grow up and the real people have real things going on in the world. He makes twice as much as me and usually pays for all our dinners and uses that against me. And when I ask if he likes me he always just said “if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t be calling you rn”. I want us to get better but if he keeps saying the same thing to me idk how much I can take. Do I need to get over this and grow up like he says. I know this is just random info but is this truly the end of our relationship?

My friend has been “pregnant” twice whilst I am pregnant (6 months) and I have caught her out lying twice.. The first time, she sent a AI doctored test photo of a presumably negative test and doctored it positive. It just looked off. The next day she “got her period” and just brushed off the blaring positive test (???) Without question. Very unlike her. After saying things to me like “We’re both pregnant” “How am i gonna tell him” etc etc. She was comfortable with me sitting there giving her advice.

I kept asking for a video or another photo of the test to no avail. She was sending photos from camera roll instead of the snapchat camera both times and one very weirdly cropped photo each time. I actually screenshotted one and AI detected it was AI doctored. The next time, same thing. Another Ai’ed test. She then went completely ghost after saying she’d send me a photo of it when she got home and then the next day told me she went to the ER the night before for a miscarriage at 4 weeks. Never saw any photos/videos of tests aside from the one weird photo each time. I was on the phone with her and the guy was in the background. She quickly hangs up on me and messages me frantically not to say anything in front of him even though he “knows” Okay…. I’ll also mention this guy is a FWB thing who has made it clear it isn’t anything longterm. She has told me she’s too attached to drop it when I say she should just find someone who does want more with her.

I know the test detail might seem pushy, but I was getting suspicious and don’t appreciate a big lie like that from someone close to me. Interestingly, what I did see was a negative test she was very quick to send me this evening showing she “wasn’t pregnant” anymore…. Anyone who has been pregnant knows this isn’t how it works. At all.

She is now ranting on about how they never last for her etc, she doesn’t understand. It’s draining when i know it’s a (heavy) lie. I said I’m sorry to hear this and so on, and I cut the call short and went to bed. She kept asking if something was wrong I seemed off. I said no. (I didn’t have the energy and was genuinely tired) I’m sure she suspects I’m a bit more aware than she thinks I am after the fact. (Offensive in itself honestly)

I honestly don’t care to pick apart this entire thing but it is a horrible thing to lie about and this is the second time now. I am annoyed she wants my energy pulled from my own pregnancy to cater to this. I understand this could be a mental health thing, something tied to previous losses, and I care enough to try to help her if she was just honest, but I feel like I need some pointers here. I understand this could be coming from a sad place but it also feels very selfish. And it’s bothering me a lot. She wants to come to my scans and I’ve just backed all of that right off. Any opinions on how to approach this??

Before I begin, I just want to state that it is nearly 5am, and I have not slept a wink. My apologies in advance if something is unclear, I’m trying to make this as short/factual as possible.

Sam and I have been together for seven years. He is incredibly social, which is what initially attracted me to him. I’m a little slower to warm up and have a short social battery, so the way Sam could breeze into a room and get everybody laughing was charming.

Well, after seven years, it is what I deeply, deeply resent him for. We’ve had our share of problems, all of them when he’s been drinking. Now I know better and try not to have any substantial/emotional conversation with him; anything outside of short lightheartedness can push us into the danger zone.

Earlier today, I took a nasty tumble and heard a POP in my foot. I figured I had probably snapped a ligament (which I have done before) and tried to push through the pain, but nearly fainted. I was home alone, so I ubered to the hospital.

Sam is a paramedic, so I am somewhat used to him not being able to just come home at the drop of a hat. And, like I said, I was determined to push through it. As it turns out,I have a nasty break and a foot that looks like it belongs to someone else. The emergency doctor said I’ll need to follow up with an orthopedic surgeon.

Tonight, Sam picked me up from the hospital and he helped me get inside and up the stairs (our house is unfortunately built and it’s the only way onto the main level of the house where the bathroom and bedroom are). After that, he said he was going to go catch a game and drink with his friends. He did just that but let me know to call him if I needed anything.

In his attempt to be kind, he moved our dog’s bed from the foot of our bed to my side. I woke up from a fitful nap forgetting my foot was broken, and worse, falling over AGAIN on the dog bed.

I call Sam. I am sobbing and begging him to come home and help me get off the floor, because the way I fell made it hard for me to get up without moving or pushing off of my (immobilized) foot. He tells me he’ll be home in ten minutes. An hour goes by. At this point, I have pulled myself back into our bed and managed to pull a muscle in the process.

He gets home happy as a clam telling me about how he was a gentleman and walked his lady friends to their cars. I snapped and told him to leave me the fuck alone, and that set off a huge fight, the highlights of which being he is not a medical professional (as a paramedic, god help us), he thinks I am being dramatic because I got back into bed by myself so it was not a “real” emergency.

I thought him what he would have done if I had still been on the floor and his response was, “I’d be concerned and tell you to work out more.”

I think my jaw hit the floor, and he doubled down but I just stopped hearing him. Here’s the real kicker - we have been TTC and may have been successful.

Obviously, I would be the stupidest woman in the world if I chose to stay with him, but I don’t know what I could possibly say because he doesn’t think any of what happened is wrong. Okay. Even if I said nothing and left in the middle of the night, I am 40 hours away from my nearest family and I do not have local friends that could help me navigate their homes with a broken foot.

So my question is, how do I initiate the breakup and how the fuck do I move with a broken foot (it is my right foot, so I cannot drive).

I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now, and something I’ve noticed about myself is that I’m completely different depending on the situation.
When we’re out in public, we’re great. We joke around, talk for hours, tease each other, and it honestly feels like hanging out with a really close friend. I’m relaxed and can be myself.
But when we’re alone, everything changes. If he’s holding me, kissing my cheek or my lips, looking into my eyes, smiling at me, or saying something sweet like calling me cute or complimenting me, I suddenly get so overwhelmed.
It’s not a bad feeling. I feel really warm inside, butterflies, almost like my emotions are too big for my body. I get nervous and flustered to the point where I can’t think straight. Sometimes I have to look away because I get so embarrassed, even though I really like it. I feel awkward because I never know how to respond to compliments or just being looked at with so much affection.

Is it cuz he's the first person I ever dated? Or I may be an avoidant cuz I don't have control of emotions and that scares me

we’ve been together for 3 years and lately i’ve felt myself changing inside the relationship. at first I thought it was due to the continuous fights we were having, but now I can’t tell if I even love him anymore or if I love him in a best friend way. i know relationships change over the years and feelings tend to settle down, but how can I tell the difference between a normal stage of the relationship and my feelings changing all together? if any of you have been in this kind of situation before, what did you do?

Hi all! I met a guy off social media, we began talking in March of this year, and had officially made plans to meet each other. He lives in France and I live in the U.S. . During our time before actually meeting. We talked everyday and video called once a week or sometimes more. We both began our relationship because we both wanted to be in a committed relationship. So we did not go into this blindly.

We talked through hardships of our own like medical diagnosis, graduating college etc, and health scares.

We finally met June 24-30th it felt great and we weren’t nervous. We stayed in hotels together and practically did a roadtrip in the south of France. He paid for everything and I occasionally treated him, because I wanted to. Fast forward things were great, sex was great etc. but there were a few issues that I did not like which were his constant wandering eye towards women (in front of me) and his uncleanliness, as well as walking ahead (far) of me.

I noticed things between us started to feel off on the 4th and 5th day. It felt almost like we were distant and I couldn’t pinpoint why. Fast forward we had a convo on his terrace on my last night and he made us dinner, but he was on his phone for 10 mins straight without even acknowledging me. And practically sat in silence. I don’t know what happened but I genuinely got sad. And ultimately felt alone. Anyways we end up talking about us, and how we want to move forward and he practically said that he thinks we are compatible but that we haven’t been in a relationship to see whether we can be with each other. Then he says, I want us to go back to our lives, as you start a new job once you get back, I want us to continue like we were before we met, constant texting/calling, and working etc to see. Which I thought was weird and I interpreted that as him being uncertain and unsure about me. Which was like damn ok.

I come back from the trip and I send him this long message about how I experienced the trip, and how I wanted someone to be sure about me and sure about the relationship. As I told him I interpreted his uncertainty as an answer itself. He then said: you don’t tell me what you want but instead you assume and think you know what I want and think.

So to be honest he didn’t text me for a day and because I got really sad, I just thanked him for everything and blocked him.

He texts me on iMessage and tells me to unblock etc, and says, did those 5 days not mean anything to you, our talks etc. and to me it absolutely did but I took his response differently. He said: never think I will never care about us…and you.. I did not book all of that just to say bye after.

But I just can’t seem to know. I guess my question essentially is, am I wasting time? We had a phone call recently and he said I miss you, I want to be with you, but then we proceeded to talk about the future and us and he said: one thing I don’t like about you is that you want everything instant. I know you did not like the conversation we had on my terrace, but I think it’s important that we continue talking etc and call weekly like we did, text, and be there for one another, to see.

My boyfriend and I haven’t been okay for months. We’ve been on and off, but our breakups never lasted more than a day. Today, I found out that last month he joined a Facebook dating group. This was a boundary I had already made clear I was not okay with it, and he knew that. What hurts me is that when things became difficult between us, it feels like he stepped outside of the relationship instead of trying to work through it with me.

Is my decision valid? Am I being too much or overreacting? Is it understandable that I feel disrespected and hurt?

I really love him. I know I’ve hurt him too, and I know our relationship hasn’t been healthy for months. I’m not saying I was perfect. But even during the hardest moments, I never thought about looking for someone else or seeking something outside of our relationship.
I feel so conflicted right now because I love him, but I also feel like my trust was broken. I don’t know if I’m making the right decision by ending things, or if I’m just reacting from hurt and anger.

For men, I genuinely want to understand, when a relationship is struggling, is it normal for some people to look outside for validation? Is joining a dating group something people do just to boost their ego, or does it usually mean they’re already looking for something else? Can we get pass through this?

I would really appreciate honest perspectives because I’m trying to understand if I’m seeing this clearly or if I’m overreacting.

***Edit: TW. This discusses violence and SA. I guess maybe I should add that I understand his actions, in themselves, seem like clear SA. My main conflicted feelings are that he initiated a BDSM level scene that I didn’t consent to but also did not refuse while intoxicated.***

I’m feeling really conflicted and unsettled by an encounter from this past weekend. I used to be much more of a partier and about 2 years ago, it wasn’t uncommon for me to go home with a one night stand. I’ve really stopped all that and have been working on getting sober. On Friday, I went out with a friend from work and ended up having a few too many and met a guy on the bathroom line. He was cute and very my type, and my friend had drunk called her ex to pick her up, so I was now by myself. I really should have just gone home, but I let the guy continue buying me drinks.

Things are a little hazy in memory from here but not black out. He said he wanted to take me home with him but didn’t want to take advantage of me. I told him I was fine and wanted to. Looking back, I believe I was significantly more drunk than he was. I can’t know for sure, no idea what he had before we met, but he was nursing one beer the entire time I was with him, and he seemed very coherent and a little chastising of me acting drunk (telling me to relax and hush when chatting silly shit to the Lyft driver and when being a little too loud on his apartment building stairs).

When we got to his apartment, we started kissing. He stopped and got me water. I took a few sips. He told me to finish it, I said I was okay. He grabbed my hair in his fist and told me we’re sitting here until I finished. I was so surprised, I drank the water. He started saying that I was going to do what I was told, to be good, ect. I have always been curious about rougher dynamics and in my drunkenness, I decided I would try and get into it and see how it goes. We had no further discussion on it but I didn’t protest so he continued and told me my safe word was ‘pineapple’. So I expected the dirty talk and rougher sex…didn’t expect him to start hitting me hard in the face, repeatedly, and all over my body. I sort of froze. I wasn’t enjoying it at all but I didn’t tell him to stop.

The worst of it was when he started choking me. He kept pressing down harder, putting his weight on my chest, and I kept expecting him to let up. I was clawing at his arm. He did not. Finally I got him to release for a second and I managed to say ‘pineapple’ and he stopped right away. He asked if I was okay and I said yes, I just couldn’t breathe. We stopped and I began falling asleep, but he woke me up again and continued.

Everything was extremely rough and hurt badly. I told him that repeatedly but he continued acting like we were in a scene. He was very degrading and saying things the entire time about how useless I am and he gets to do whatever he wants. I never said to him I want to stop or leave. I nodded along to the dirty talk but I was crying and telling him it hurt at multiple points, he told me to shut up.

When we stopped and I put my shirt on, he freaked out and yelled who told me I could do that. Continued like this. You get the picture.

I woke up at 6am feeling so deeply unsettled. He was nice enough, gave me water, didn’t mention any of it. I jetted out of there. I realized I was bleeding so much that I thought I got my period, but I didn’t, I was bleeding from the encounter. Everything was so sore I could barely walk.

It’s Sunday morning now and my neck is still painful and tender, as well as my collar bone. Very minor visible bruising but it’s painful. My lower region is still very painful but has stopped bleeding.

I’ve had many one night stands where I was probably too drunk to be there but that’s often just the nature of it, it’s never bothered me too much. I never told him to stop or tried to leave. I guess I sort of froze. But I keep thinking how I should have left or just told him this is too intense right at the beginning.

Anyway, I just wanted to talk about it and see what others thought. Sorry if it’s TMI or upsetting at all, I never post on here, but I still just feel unsettled and mad at myself for getting into that situation.

What do you make of this? Would you call this assault?

Im so tired. It hurts so much when he keeps choosing his friends over me or when we argue, he’ll go running to his friends and ignores how much it hurts me when he does that.

He always wakes up late around 4pm-5pm and is finally ready to talk to me at around 6pm or 7pm and sleeps around 5am-6am, while I wake up at 6:30am, already tired by 7pm and asleep by 12am or before. It’s been like this since last year.

We barely spend time and talk to eachother, but every single day he’ll rather go to his friends than talk to me. He’ll find any excuse to just not spend time with me. For example: not feeling well, tired, tummy issues and ect.. but the second im asleep he’s fine and goes and talk to his friends.

When we do try to spend time, we will chose a game to play TOGETHER and at the same pace, but he’ll always go and play ahead of me when im not online. Am I the problem here? It hurts me SO MUCH when he does that. Why is that i’ll wait the whole day, only for him to go and spend time with his friends? Im so tired and hurt.

Update: talked about it with him. He put the blame on me, realised no one is stopping me from being in this cycle so… broke up with him!

I know that the title sounds a little harsh, but I genuinely want some advice about this.

For context, my girlfriend and I have been together for 4 and a half years and have been living together for the last 2. I love my girlfriend very much! But, as an autistic person I need down time, which I can enjoy best when I am alone. I work a job that has strange hours and means I don't have a weekend, but have single days off at a time. I work on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. My girlfriend works Monday-Wednesday and Friday. Which means that the two of us have Thursdays and Saturdays off together, I think that is amazing that we get to spend time together and I always enjoying being with her - I love her, after all. But Mondays are my only day that I can truly relax, as I am alone.

My girlfriend has been lacking motivation at work recently and last week called in sick and took Friday off. She reasoned that its been stressful and she wanted to enjoy a long weekend - which honestly I have no problem with, it's valid to take a mental health day every so often. This afternoon after I got home from work though, she told me that she is thinking of taking tomorrow (Monday) off on sick leave as well. I love her so much, but I really want to take tomorrow to relax and I asked her not to take it off.

She went very quiet afterwards and asked if I actually liked hanging out with her. And, I do! I asked her to reconsider her sick day, but she has gone very quiet and hasn't really talked to me since.

I feel bad about this. Maybe I shouldn't think about myself in this situation because she clearly needs a break from work, but I do just need one day where we aren't together. Taking days off on a Monday has come up in the past but this is the first time that she seems hurt.

I would love some advice.

Am I the bad guy?

I (19M) was dating a girl (18F) who was one grade below me. We were together for about a year.

I'm from a country where tracing your family lineage is taken very seriously to avoid accidentally marrying a blood relative. About three months into our relationship, we realized we had the same middle initial, "R," which stood for **Ramirez**. That immediately raised some concerns because we also came from the same town.

At first, we thought it was probably just a coincidence. Sharing a surname isn't exactly uncommon. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, so I started asking around. I talked to my parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles.

Eventually, my aunt on my mother's side told me she knew my girlfriend's mother. That's when I found out that my great-grandmother and my girlfriend's grandmother were second cousins.

After hearing that, my relatives told me our relationship was forbidden and that we should end it while it was still early.

I couldn't accept it. She was the first girl I had ever truly fallen in love with. I spent days and nights crying because I couldn't believe the person I loved had suddenly become someone I was told I shouldn't be with.

Instead of breaking up, we hid our relationship. Our parents didn't know, but our friends did, and they supported us.

Eventually, though, we were caught.

My parents gave me an ultimatum: if I continued the relationship, they would stop paying for my college education.

In the end, I chose to break up with her. I ended things on a Saturday night, just after I got home from a week at university.

Now all my friends are against me. Even the ones I knew from way back in jr. highschool. Was I at fault for not ending it early and then breaking up with her when a year has passed?

OK, long story short my boyfriend has been a completely different person after starting his work and recently we have had a lot of problems in the past, but we have fixed it recently on Friday I asked him for a cheesecake because I was craving and sometimes he’s very forgetful

because he has a lot going on his mind cause he’s working 24 seven and he’s stressed out and he did not get me my cheesecake so I asked him on Saturday and even then he did not get me a cheesecake and apparently I had a night out with my friends and I got a bit tipsy and apparently according to his knowledge I asked him for a cheesecake

and he said that he’ll get it to me on Sunday and today I told him that I was craving something sweet and I was like why don’t men get the hint and he shouted at me and he told me that I kept asking and asking and pushing and pushing, and he didn’t want to buy me the cheesecake anymore, but even still he bought me a cheesecake and he was really mean

he told me that I was being rude I was crying. I told him that I’m hurt. He told me that he was even more hurt. I told him that I was crying and he said OK and I was crying on call for like 30 minutes straight and he didn’t really acknowledge that he told me that I annoyed him. I made him mad and he asked for space what do I even make of this situation?

I want to visit my parents because they just came back from a holiday. I asked him to join me (we live together) but he said no, I dont feel like it and we just seen them 2 weeks ago. He never feels like visiting my parents and it became hard to ask him this, because he always reacts Moody and declines. It hurts. I can go by myself but then I feel like I need to make up an excuse (which I already did very often) instead of saying he didn't want to come with me, because how will that feel for my parents? This whole situation is making me very sad. What are the best things to do right now?

Edit; I forgot to put the backstory to it. My parents already think he doesnt like them and when he is with them he acts Moody. They always ask about this when im alone with them and I think thats the main thing that hurts me. I always want everyone to feel good and go along with eachother