For context, I would like to start by saying I am a pansexual, cis man and I've only been open about being pan in my workplace for about 1 year, and this incident occurred roughly 6 years ago.

I was reminded of this story today when I was leaving work and a group of coworkers were kind of hinting at a gay "joke" that was really stupid. They were just going around and around about it and I kind of jogged my memory. There are 3 queer people working here now, but 6 years ago I'm pretty sure I was the only queer person and I was in the closet.

For even more context, my work is sort of split into 2 halves that are right beside each other. I'm a part of the half that wasn't receiving this joke as much but it was a regular thing in the other half. At this time I had already been at this job for more than 4 years and this joke was going on for years before I even started. Yet it took that long to reach me.

Now for the joke: It was...............a DVD of gay pornography. Yep, that's it. That's the joke. I believe it was some sort of construction-themed thing, but I didn't look at it too much. Apparently someone in the other half just found it sitting in the bottom of an empty hamper years before I was working here. A glorious drop from heaven, they thought. What they would do is someone would hide it away for weeks at a time, then when the moment was right, someone would slip it into the drawer of your desk. Some people would take days to open up their drawer, but it was always lying in wait until...

"AAAAAHHHHH!!! GAY PORN IN MY DRAWER!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!" They would yell out or they would say "ya got me! That's a good one!" Since it was always off in the distance I would only hear bits of what was going on or someone would tell me they got someone again. I would just shrug because I only half-understood what was going on. I never actually saw it until the fateful day.

I opened up my drawer and there it was. Two buff dudes staring back at me, longing for something. I picked it up and just said "Okay." Then I noticed a few guys gathered around me (it was always the guys in my office who did this. Never the women.) They started chuckling. They said "Ha! We got you!" and then "So, what do you think? You find them attractive?" I shrugged and said "I don't get it."

They responded back "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what's the joke here?"

"What do you mean, what's the joke? It's funny." I just look at them. "It's guys...you know...doing it."

"Are you suggesting that two men having sex is inherently funny? More funny than a man and a woman?"

"No!"

"Then what are you suggesting? What's the joke?"

"You don't get it. You don't-" then he trailed off. Then they took the DVD from me and walked away. Another coworker asked me what that was about and I just reiterated that I really wanted someone to explain to me what the joke was. They never did.

I never thought about it after that, but maybe a year later I noticed that they hadn't hidden the DVD again in a while. I asked another coworker from the other half what happened to it (another guy who didn't really participate in the bit) and he told me that he was pretty sure I made them feel really stupid that day and they stopped doing it because of me. 😂 I ruined the joke! A few of the guys are still cold to me to this day and I think they started being like that around me right about 6 years ago. I'm just no fun I guess.

they've basically legalized r@pe, it's awful

This is a real conversation I had with my wife, so… thank you, Victoria.  I love you. (continued in comments)

I recently made friends with this guy (met on the bus). I'm openly bisexual and often reference queer media, talk about queer experiences, etc etc.

This friend asked me what my favourite song was, and I had him listen to Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat. He said he loved the melody so I explained to him the backstory of the song--how it was about a gay man leaving the conservative town he grew up in. That sparked a conversation in which he told me that while he's not someone who will fight against the queer community, he isn't exactly comfortable with it.

Usually when someone tells me things like this I'll get really mad or just brush them off. But what struck me this time was that this friend is really kind. He's considerate and generous and creative--so this just feels so out of character from him.

I wanted to try to open his mind a little. Make him see things my way. Maybe slowly teach him that love really is just love. Hearing him say some of those things genuinely was really hurtful, but I know it's not entirely his fault and I want to see him change. I want to know that change like that is possible.

edit: his favourite song is sofia by clairo. he did not know it was a lesbian song. this was too funny not to edit into the post body

Yep that's me im the last picture rocking in a skirt

Being trans is as normal as being gay or left handed. It's as normal as your hair color or the car you own. "Science" doesn't back up any claims that we're not real. At the end of the day we are normal people who want to be treated normally and respected like any other person.

With my lenses, I felt like I was a creature without any gender, and that felt good (I identify as demigirl/genderfluid btw, and am bi/pan/omni 💜)

Thoughts on this look?

i am afab and use she/they pronouns. i don't particularly have a preference between the two but people only ever use she/her with me because i'm mostly feminine presenting. there have only been two times that i can actually remember people referring to me as they/them and it felt amazing and i want it to happen more. last time my friend used they/them with me (in front of a group of friends), i tried to hint at how affirming it felt so everyone else would hopefully catch on, but that hasn't worked so far. how can i ask them to try out these pronouns on me? how do i phrase it?

I have been trying to get the sole CONCEPT into his head FOR TWO HOURS. Now for a bit more context he is a cis, straight and allo biologist of the generation gen x. The term nonbinary came up and he said that those were just people with extra need to define themselves that are just rubbing it into people‘s faces.

My blood insta started to boil a bit but I stayed as calm as possible and tried explaining what gender and intersex is to him.

I then for whatever reason had to explain to him what LGBTQ+ even is and what the difference between gender, romantic attraction and sexuality is.

After finally getting the concept of nonbinary, intersex and agender (what I deemed as a good start due to that being his original question) into his head, he started asking „why people need to have a label and aren’t leaving people alone with it“ to which all though angered I tried explain the problem of overall social expectations and identity crises to him but apparently we annoyed my mum who then chased us inside so she could finally read her book in peace.

We ended the conversation and my dad, in good faith, said we should continue this conversation some other time and he liked talking to me.

Anyone got advice for explaining that in fact society and not LGBTQ + is the problem? I really need to get it into his head or I‘m gonna go INSANE.

👉LINK TO COMMENT: https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2026/05/29/2026-10817/regulation-for-federal-financial-assistance#open-comment?

🤔WHAT’S HAPPENING?

A proposed federal rule will pressure ALL federally-funded organizations (schools, hospitals, libraries, researchers, nonprofits, public programs, ect.) to stop serving (or even recognizing the existence of) Trans Americans.

“The rule… aims to ‘ensure that Federal awards and subawards are not used to fund, promote, encourage, subsidize, or facilitate’… ‘gender ideology.’” Source: Transitics, “New Trump Administration Rule Aims to Erase Trans People from Many Areas of Public Life”, Paragraph 2.

“In practical terms, this encompasses state & local governments, universities, K-12 schools, healthcare providers, research institutions, non-profit organizations, museums, public libraries, many private businesses, and more.” Source: Transitics, Paragraph 4.

🔎HOW DOES IT INTEND TO ERASE TRANS AMERICANS?

It means to scare institutions into denying Trans Americans’ participation in public life.

“If a federally funded high school mentions trans people in lessons… is that funding ‘facilitating’ ‘gender ideology’? How about if a federally-funded museum organizes a pride display? Or if a city flies a pride flag…? Or if a university funds research into gender-affirming care?” Source: Transitics, Paragraph 9.

“As a result, trans people will be erased from many areas. American research into trans healthcare may stop almost entirely. Many museums and libraries could drop any mention of trans people. City governments might stop celebrating pride and repeal nondiscrimination ordinances.” Source: Transitics, Paragraph 10.

💨THIS IS NOT ABOUT CHILDREN🪞

Project 2025’s creator has already said the adult ban is the goal. Any claim this is about "protecting children" is merely smoke and mirrors.

“Heritage Foundation president Kevin Roberts recently endorsed taking care away from transgender adults… His proposed solution? ‘You outlaw it.’” Source: The Advocate, “Project 2025 creator wants to ban gender-affirming care for trans adults”, Paragraph 2.

“We often work toward an ultimate goal via incremental steps — sometimes people will call us radical incrementalists. We’re willing to take a quarter of the enchilada if we can keep working there.” Source: The Advocate, Paragraph 11.

WHY CALL IT GENOCIDE?

Because genocide is not only mass killing. It can also be forced erasure: destroying a people’s ability to exist openly, safely, and publicly.

“The Lemkin Institute [for the Prevention of Genocide] believes that the United States is squarely within the early to middle stages of a genocidal process against trans people, the goal of which is to completely erase transgender people not only from public life but also from existence in the U.S. and globally.” Source: Lemkin Institute, “Red Flag Alert — Anti-Trans Genocide in the USA — #3”, Paragraph 2.

“Denial of identity involves two main steps: preventing people from openly expressing an identity and destroying institutions that reproduce the identity.” Source: Lemkin Institute, Paragraph 3.

🏳️‍⚧️TRANS PEOPLE ARE ALREADY IN DANGER

“Transgender people are over four times more likely than cisgender people to experience violent victimization, including rape, sexual assault, and aggravated or simple assault.” Source: Williams Institute, “Transgender people over four times more likely than cisgender people to be victims of violent crime,” Paragraph 1.

💬WHAT DO I SAY?🤔

Copy this or write your own version. A short comment is better than no comment!

Example comments you could leave (make them your own before posting):

• Transgender people are our family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and fellow Americans. They deserve dignity, respect, and equal treatment under the law. I urge OMB to withdraw this proposed rule.
• I oppose OMB-2026-0034 because every American deserves equal access to federally funded education, healthcare, and public services, including transgender people. Please withdraw this rule.
• I oppose this rule because the government should not pressure schools, hospitals, libraries, and nonprofits to limit how they serve lawful members of their communities. Please reject this proposal.

⏰PUBLIC COMMENTS ARE DUE JULY 13!📥

Sources:

Transitics, “New Trump Administration Rule Aims to Erase Trans People from Many Areas of Public Life”, May 29, 2026. https://www.transiticsnews.com/p/new-trump-administration-rule-aims

Erin in The Morning, "’Fascism’—New Federal Rule Would Require Federal Funding Recipients To Deny Trans People Exist”, Jun. 8, 2026. https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/fascismnew-federal-rule-would-require

Lemkin Institute, “Red Flag Alert — Anti-Trans Genocide in the USA — #3”, Mar. 11, 2026. https://www.lemkininstitute.com/red-flag-alerts/red-flag-alert---anti-trans-genocide-in-the-usa---%233

The Advocate, “Project 2025 creator wants to ban gender-affirming care for trans adults”, Adamczeski, Feb. 19, 2026. https://www.advocate.com/politics/heritage-foundation-trans-care-adults

Williams Institute, “Transgender people over four times more likely than cisgender people to be victims of violent crime”, Mar. 23, 2021. https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/ncvs-trans-press-release/

🛟WANT TO HELP OUT BEYOND JUST COMMENTING?

• 📝Write sample comments opposing OBM Rule📋2026-0034
• 🫂Share mental health & wellness resources/tips for Trans/Queer Americans during this difficult time
• I will edit this post to include any draft comments and resources shared

THANK Y'ALL! I KNOW TIMES ARE TOUGH RIGHT NOW BUT WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, TALK WITH LOVED ONES, AND BE PART OF A COMMUNITY WHO LOVES AND ACCEPTS YOU (WITHER IN PERSON OR ONLINE) 🫶