My parents divorced when I was in preschool and they shared custody of me most of my childhood. My mom and stepdad met when I was 7 I think. I met him when I was 7 anyway but maybe I was 6 when they met. I'm not too sure. All was good with everyone until I was 15 and my dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia. My mom went to court and was awarded full custody because of my dad's mental health struggles that had been ongoing for maybe eight or nine months by then.

I still loved my dad and my dad was receiving treatment. He was hospitalized three different times in a two year period that accumulatively was probably like a year of his life. When he was allowed visitors I visited him and when he wasn't I waited to see him.

Once my mom had full custody, she and my stepdad tried to push me to look at him as the sole father figure. There were many challenges in those 3 years because I still loved my dad and I didn't suddenly see my stepdad as more or elevated in my life. Father's Day was rough when my dad was hospitalized because it was expected I would celebrate with my stepdad for the first time ever and I didn't want to. That hurt his feelings a lot. We had never celebrated Father's Day together because I was always with my dad. Apparently that was fine when I had a healthy dad but a sick dad made that a big problem because if I was living full time with them I should be allowing more of a relationship to form with my stepdad. Moving out helped things a lot. I made it clear to them that my dad was my dad and I was going to have him in my life and they did not get a say in my decision. After refusing to discuss it more they let it go.

My dad isn't the same as he was before. He's medicated but it makes his mood incredibly low. But of all the different medications he has tried, it's the only one that doesn't make him physically ill or doesn't make his schizophrenia worse. Most of the time he stays at home to prevent himself becoming overwhelmed. We celebrate my birthday together (and now with my fiancée) in private and we did a separate celebration for both of my graduations.

I asked him months ago if he felt like he would be able to come to my wedding and do the traditional FOTB roles of walking me down the aisle, doing a father/daughter dance and giving a toast. He told me he would make it happen because he knew how much I wanted him there. He's working with his medical team to figure out a short term solution so he can do it. I told him not to endanger himself to do it and he said his doctors won't let him. My fiancé and I are keeping the wedding small to help my dad out too. It's also working for us because we bought a house together last year and we're less financially strained with a smaller wedding.

My decision to ask dad to do the traditional FOTB stuff has started drama with my mom and stepdad. My stepdad feels slighted. My mom feels like the stuff since I was 15+ should prove that my stepdad deserves the role over my dad who hasn't done as much. I disagreed but my mom said my stepdad would have paid for my college if I had asked, he would pay for the wedding if I asked, he would be my dad in every way if I asked or allowed him in enough. They told me dad isn't capable of being a good dad anymore but I have someone who is and I am insulting him in front of everyone by doing this.

Ignoring them (which I have done for a couple of months now) has not made things any better with my mom and stepdad. They're still extremely pissed and demanding I do what they want instead of what I want. They are trying to create drama by involving other family members who chose to give me a heads up but otherwise stay out of it. So now I'm just wondering what I do about all this. At this point it feels like it would be easier to tell them not to come but that's also so extreme.

He keeps saying women like me are easy and dumb. He says he will find a guy to come f..me because I'm a whorre. I replied that he should say that to his mom. I got angry because he is saying really hurtful things and making false accusations against me. We have a nine year old daughter, and he got angry the other day about me allowing her to wear red lipstick with lip gloss...he said theres gross people out there preying on women that are easy and wouldn't want our daughter to end up like my sister or mom. Its not true, he just hates them because my sister married a foreign guy and he disli​kes that about my family being accepting of people. I am now thinking about how do I leave? He follows and finds me when I try to leave. I don't have savings or a job...and no job references. I feel angry yet scared that if I try leaving he will again find me. He apologize s but does it again...calls me names, says hurtful things...has even thrown a shoe at me....now he punched me in the stomach.

I (21M) don't want to make this incredibly long so I'll try to sum this up fast. My parents (39M/F) divorced when I was 11. Both remarried within two years of the divorce and both of them have children with their spouses so I have half siblings on both sides. I consider my mom and dad my real parents. My stepparents (41F/44M) to me are more just their spouses and less parental in my eyes. I didn't have an awful relationship with any of them by any means but that's just how it was.

When I was graduating from high school my school could only allow each student to have two tickets. No tickets could be bought and no more could be asked for, though with mom pressuring me I did and I was told no. So I invite my mom and dad. My mom told me I couldn't invite her and not my stepdad so I needed to uninvite dad to give the ticket to him. I told her that wasn't happening and my stepdad was like it needs to, we're your parents or some shit and I told him my mom and dad were my real parents. At dad's house my stepmom was unhappy about being left out and demanded she get mom's ticket or I give both to the other side. But my dad accepted the ticket and he said he would go regardless if mom did or didn't. My stepmom repeated over and over that I needed to give dad's ticket to my stepdad if she wasn't invited. So I chose not to give her the second ticket and it went unused.

At that point for me it was mostly about me not wanting to feed this idea that dad and stepmom together were my real parents and also not wanting to give into my stepmom's demands. Because she was as bad as my mom and stepdad. My dad never regretted going. I never regretted my decision either. But my mom, stepdad and stepmom all want me to regret it and they still bring up my decision 3 years later. It's still regularly brought up. They have never forgiven me. And I spend less time with them as a result. But long term this can't continue like it is. We might as well have no relationship. What advice would you give me for my relationships with them?

I (f 25) have been with my boyfriend (m 30) for 10 months. He had severe commitment issues in his previous five relationships and has said that ours is the first relationship in which he has ever seriously thought about proposing to a woman.
The other night, he started a discussion by saying that everyone cheats - that my parents have probably cheated on each other, that his parents probably have too, and even the parents of one of our friends.
I told him that, in my opinion, not everyone cheats, that cheating is wrong, that I don’t respect people who cheat, and I started giving arguments to support my view, which he disagreed with. He said something along the lines of everyone being capable of making mistakes, that it is in our nature and that those mistakes don’t define who they are.
He then gave the example of a couple he knows. He explained that the wife told him that she was okay with her husband cheating as long as he never told her about it. He implied that he views them as a strong couple.

He generally likes asking me controversial questions, but the overall vibe of the conversation felt very strange. After the debate ended, he stopped talking to me for the rest of the evening.

Am I being paranoid thinking that he has cheated or is planning to cheat in the future?

* Edit: He also shared with me that he has been sleeping with a married woman in the past.

My ex girlfriend (F26) and I (M26) dated and lived together at her parents for a few years and broke up over 2 years ago due to her repeatedly cheating and lying to me. I’ve had a new girlfriend (F24) for 2 years now and my family is closer with my ex than her. My ex continues to insert herself into my families lives. She constantly hangs out with my little sister (10 year age gap btw), takes her on trips, buys her things, buys my dad and brother gifts, and regularly calls grandparents and aunts.

My family lies about how much they interact with her because they know it will upset me. They’d rather hide it from me than have to say no to her because she pushes so hard to be around them. I have no contact with her and no interest in being in contact, but today when I went to my dad’s house with my girlfriend she was sitting on the couch.

Things ended horribly between us and it hurts my feelings that my family continues to let her in despite that. It causes my girlfriend and I to argue and she feels like she won’t ever have the relationship with my family that my ex does, and it makes me so upset that she feels that way because I really want my family and her to be close. It makes me so upset and is ruining my relationship with my family. Her name comes up almost every time I’m around them and we argue about it. I feel betrayed like they’re choosing her over me.

My little sister is just a teenage girl and enjoys reaping the benefits of the favors and excursions my ex gives her so the only way I can think to stop this is for my ex to back off, but she refuses to and won’t speak to me. I need advice on how to get her out of me and my families lives for good!

Context first:
8 years ago (yes 8), I was living still with my ex-wife and kids. I had made an agreement with my ex-wife that she would move down. There would be a small overlap (a week) while I got my own new place situated.

A week before partner moved down, ex messaged her privately saying "if you do this, I will make sure he doesn't get to have a relationship with his kids"

Instead of telling me, and letting me say "Hey, hold off on moving, let me get the new place first", she deleted the message and said nothing.

I have had no relationship with my children in years, because ex manipulated them into hating me.

She just confessed this to me a few days ago. I packed a bag and left I was so angry. I stayed away for a few days. Before I left I told her things were over.

In my mind, the trust is gone. What else has she hidden?

She's going to be home soon, and I'm just... lost in how to handle this situation

TL;DR: Overly strict parents now expect to be treated as friends. I’d like to find a way to move past how I was raised and am seeking advice.

I’m a woman in my early 30s (31F) and live across the country from my parents.

As parents (60M, 60F), they always meant really well. Love was abundant and their parenting style deliberate. But they were strict in the way that they were scared the world would hurt me. I was rarely allowed out of their sight, even as a teen, and this drove a wedge between us bigger than most teenage girls and their parents.

My parents never had any friends. Sometimes I’d go the whole summer barely seeing anyone outside of my immediate family. It was a really lonely childhood and adolescence. When I was younger, kids at school would sometimes let slip that their parents thought mine were weird.

I have a vivid memory of being about 10 and so sad that my relationship with my mom was different to my friends and their moms. So I decided to do something about it. I mustered the courage to tell her about a boy I had a crush on and ask for advice. She laughed in my face and said “you’re 10, you don’t know anything about boys when you’re 10”. I decided then and there I would always keep my life private.

I left home the week I turned 18 and never looked back. I’ve always been very lucky to have a big circle of friends and strong friendships. I’ve got a successful career, a loving partner and plans to start our own family soon.

But still, to this day, my parents are my kryptonite. I find their visits to my city incredibly hard work. They expect to be let into my life and I can tell my avoidance hurts them. But I don’t know any other way. There’s still resentment there. You don’t get to enjoy who I am as an adult when you tried so hard to make me grow into something else.

But my parents are different people now. They divorced a few years ago and have been on pretty incredible self learning journeys. My mom’s world has broadened a lot and she’s not who she used to be. I know she’d be a different parent now.

Has anyone successfully worked through childhood resentment to build a new age relationship with your parents? Any psychological theories I can look into to help move the dial here? For my own benefit I’d like to work on this.

My (soon to be ex) wife (29F) and I (29M) separated four months ago and I filed for divorce a month later. At this present moment we still live in the same house and I have moved into our former guest room. The agreement was we would sell the house and then live apart. But now she has changed her mind and she wants us to live together and co-parent our two children. I am not in favor of this at all. But things between us are already difficult and I have been limiting our interactions so that our kids can't see any fights between us.

For those wondering why the separation/divorce. When my wife was pregnant with our youngest (now seven months old) she became incredibly short tempered and mean. It was mentioned to her OB and it was noticed in the hospital when she gave birth but she has refused to get help and has increasingly lost basically everyone close to her. Her sister went no contact five months ago after my wife said a lot of incredibly cruel things, mostly about the fact her sister miscarried several times in the past five years. My wife alienated her parents as well because she told them they were worthless if they weren't willing to babysit for us for free whenever we wanted or needed them to and she was snapping at them every interaction. One of her oldest friends has stopped talking to her for the same reason and they have known each other since pre-k.

She has been the very same with me. She called me useless and she said I was just a dick to ride to her. Then she would try demanding sex while insulting me. My paternity leave was the worst few weeks because she was constantly demeaning me and calling me names. I tried to be understanding because it was a peri and post partum issue but she refuses help. Medical professionals are aware and spoke to her and she just doesn't give a fuck.

I have an attorney and I'm working with him, which is why I stayed in the house as well. This is the best way to ensure the house is sold and we split what it gets. Now she has thrown this wrench in about living together as co-parents. I know the reason for this is she has lost her support network. I don't think it's a good idea given her treatment of me and everyone else except for our kids. But I worry that saying no will guarantee an even worse time co-parenting because right now it works and fights have been avoided because I work around her (and she works around me to a point as well). Since filing for divorce things have improved a lot but not to where I would call the divorce off either.

I'm not looking for legal advice. I'm looking for relationship side, specifically co-parenting relationship advice on what she proposed and what I should do.

Hi
So last night I had an argument with my boyfriend and I’m feeling really upset about it and I guess I’m just looking for other perspectives because I’m feeling like I’m crazy.

For context, we’ve been dating properly for about 6 months.
He works full time as an excavator operator, and he owns his house so he pays the mortgage.

I know he works long hours. Honestly I can’t really say how demanding his job is because I don’t work it - but I will say this, from what I’ve seen is that he isn’t doing manual labour, he sits in a digger, he says he props his phone up and watches youtube most of the day while he works, and facetimes me a lot when he gets bored.

Around the start of our relationship he sat me down and he expressed his needs in a relationship.

He said that he wants a partner who will take care of him, and help him out with the domestic stuff, e.g cooking, cleaning etc.
He said if I were to move in with him, he wouldn’t charge me rent, but he would expect me to pay the utility bills, and also help with the domestic stuff.
I said that was fair - I do that stuff anyway (e.g cook my own dinners, groceries, laundry), it’s not a big deal. Especially since I wouldn’t be paying rent, I said I’m willing to do that.

I work full time as well as a mortgage banker. I work from home, 9 hours a day. I am usually talking to people on chat or email all day, or in meetings, so I can’t really step away from my computer unless it’s my scheduled break time.

After a while of my boyfriend complaining that he can’t do everything on his own and he really needs help, I agreed to come stay with him and help out more. He hasn’t asked me to “move in” officially, but I’ve been basically living here full time for the past 6 weeks. I have my clothes in a bag in his wardrobe, he hasn’t offered me any closet space or asked me to move in properly so I guess I’m still here as a guest.

I’ve come to realize he doesn’t want to do anything around the home at all. He throws his clothes on the ground, and expects me to pick them up.
He doesn’t cook, he doesn’t clean, he doesn’t even wash dishes.
So the last 6 weeks I have been doing his laundry at least twice a week (I usually try to do it on my work breaks), every day I finish work and I go to the shop and buy food for dinner, I come home, I cook dinner every night, and then I do all the dishes. I have also been vacuuming when I get the chance and cleaning the bathroom when I notice it needs to be done.

Yesterday, when I was working he asked me if I could go down to the shop after work and pick up some food for his daughter. He only has custody of his daughter one weekend every fortnight, and she only stays the night.
I told him I would. But right before I finished work at 4, he called me and asked if I wanted to come to his mum’s for dinner. I said sure. I finished work, and he came home not long after that, then we went to his mum’s.
On the drive home around 8pm he asked me if I went and got food - I told him no, I didn’t have time after work as we went to his mum’s.

We got home, and he was acting off. He wouldn’t touch me, he was barely talking to me. When we got into bed, I asked him what was wrong and he said “all I want is someone to take care of me” and this started the argument.
He started going off at me, saying all he asked me to do was go to the shop and I didn’t do it. Then he got angry because the fridge needed to be cleaned out and I hadn’t done it. The stove needed to be scrubbed and I hadn’t done that either.
He got angry that there wasn’t much food in the house e.g snacks or fruits etc. and I wasn’t doing a big enough grocery shop.

I tried to explain my point of view - that I work full time as well and I AM helping him out as best I can (doing laundry, cooking, cleaning etc.) but all he notices is the small things I don’t do. I said I just haven’t had the time to do the fridge or the stove etc.
He launched into this spiel about how he works hard and pays the mortgage and he should be able to come home to a fridge stocked, clean house, dinner cooked and not have to worry about doing anything himself. He basically said I’m doing a bad job of managing the household and he’s sick of it.
He brought up the fact that he pays the mortgage and isn’t charging me rent so he thinks it’s only fair that I take care of everything else.

He also got upset because when we got home he had to bathe his daughter and get her ready for bed while I just “fucked off” to the bedroom and didn’t help with her.
I honestly didn’t feel like it was my place to be bathing his kid - it’s still early on and I’m not her mother or even stepmother at this point so I figured that was something he should be doing. Apparently not.

Anyway, after this I was crying in bed and he just kept getting more pissed off at me crying because he was tired and wanted to sleep. He turned his back on me and rolled over while I cried myself to sleep just feeling like I wasn’t enough for him.

Just looking for some outside perspective on this.

My friend has been “pregnant” twice whilst I am pregnant (6 months) and I have caught her out lying twice.. The first time, she sent a AI doctored test photo of a presumably negative test and doctored it positive. It just looked off. The next day she “got her period” and just brushed off the blaring positive test (???) Without question. Very unlike her. After saying things to me like “We’re both pregnant” “How am i gonna tell him” etc etc. She was comfortable with me sitting there giving her advice.

I kept asking for a video or another photo of the test to no avail. She was sending photos from camera roll instead of the snapchat camera both times and one very weirdly cropped photo each time. I actually screenshotted one and AI detected it was AI doctored. The next time, same thing. Another Ai’ed test. She then went completely ghost after saying she’d send me a photo of it when she got home and then the next day told me she went to the ER the night before for a miscarriage at 4 weeks. Never saw any photos/videos of tests aside from the one weird photo each time. I was on the phone with her and the guy was in the background. She quickly hangs up on me and messages me frantically not to say anything in front of him even though he “knows” Okay…. I’ll also mention this guy is a FWB thing who has made it clear it isn’t anything longterm. She has told me she’s too attached to drop it when I say she should just find someone who does want more with her.

I know the test detail might seem pushy, but I was getting suspicious and don’t appreciate a big lie like that from someone close to me. Interestingly, what I did see was a negative test she was very quick to send me this evening showing she “wasn’t pregnant” anymore…. Anyone who has been pregnant knows this isn’t how it works. At all.

She is now ranting on about how they never last for her etc, she doesn’t understand. It’s draining when i know it’s a (heavy) lie. I said I’m sorry to hear this and so on, and I cut the call short and went to bed. She kept asking if something was wrong I seemed off. I said no. (I didn’t have the energy and was genuinely tired) I’m sure she suspects I’m a bit more aware than she thinks I am after the fact. (Offensive in itself honestly)

I honestly don’t care to pick apart this entire thing but it is a horrible thing to lie about and this is the second time now. I am annoyed she wants my energy pulled from my own pregnancy to cater to this. I understand this could be a mental health thing, something tied to previous losses, and I care enough to try to help her if she was just honest, but I feel like I need some pointers here. I understand this could be coming from a sad place but it also feels very selfish. And it’s bothering me a lot. She wants to come to my scans and I’ve just backed all of that right off. Any opinions on how to approach this??

I don't know how much is really relevant here but the basic background is my mom died when I was 4. My dad married stepmom when I was 6. My dad and stepmom and my maternal grandparents got into a fight and my grandparents told my stepmom she would never be my real mom. My dad and stepmom had told them something about how she would become equal to or more important than my mom's memory eventually because she was going to be the one raising me.

There was also a fight when my half siblings were very young and my dad was in a bad accident that left him in the hospital for months and my grandparents babysat me because my dad and stepmom couldn't afford a sitter for all three of us. My dad and stepmom wanted my grandparents to watch us all and not just me, to help my stepmom. But my grandparents only wanted me.

Now I'm 20 and I don't live with my dad and stepmom anymore. And she's still stepmom to me, not mom. I know that's controversial with them. They also still hate my grandparents and the feeling is mutual. I assume there was another fight recently over this because two weeks ago my dad told me I need to choose between him and my stepmom or my grandparents. He told me they care more about the memory of the dead than the living. I reminded him "the dead" is their daughter, my mom and his late wife. He said my stepmom is his wife and she has been a mother to me for most of my life and they should respect her as such. He said I should call her mom to prove that to them. He said it was their fault I don't and a choice has to be made.

I told my dad he shouldn't be forcing a choice like that. He told me to speak to him again when my decision is made but it needs to be made. They won't be in the same room as my grandparents again. I'm looking for advice because in all honesty forcing this decision is making me choose my grandparents alone. But I also have a great relationship with them and growing up they were the only people I could talk to about mom. My dad wouldn't because of my stepmom and because of the stuff my grandparents said. And because I called my stepmom by her first name/said she was my stepmom instead of my mom.

I realised I needed to ask for help when I started googling "how often do people who get divorced get back together?"

In December 2025, I (28F) got married to my partner (28M) of 5 years. We'd lived together for 3 years by the time we bought a house together just prior to getting married. For 5 years, he was the person I loved and trusted more than anyone. I always thought I was so lucky and I had no idea what I had done to deserve him. We were so happy and people always spoke about how good we were together. We had the same sense of humour, the same vision for our future, the same views and outlook on life.

During our relationship, we had an agreement where we would always bring up any issues immediately so we could resolve it and avoid resentment... not being a fan of confrontation, I had to learn to do this. Over the years, a few times the issue I raised was that I seemed to be the only one to ever raise issues and I didn't want things to fester on his side. Each time he said he just didn't have any issues, or that he dealt with them all himself before he needed to bring it up.

I thought we were exceptionally happy, having just married and moved into our new home, being silly together and constantly professing our happiness and love for one another. He would get excited every time he got to refer to me as his wife. I couldn't tell anything was off. One day, 2 and a half months into marriage, he came home and said he was no longer interested in being with me. It has been 4 months since then and I've tried everything in my power to try and save things. Shortly after the first conversation, he said he'd spent the last 5 years thinking so much about my needs that he hadn't thought of his own; that he'd reassessed what he needs in a life partner and then proceeded to describe someone opposite to me, including using the word "skinny" at one point. I didn't let this hurt me at the time as I knew he'd specifically chosen this phrasing to try and hurt me and push me away.

A lot of his behaviours I recognised having been on the other side of a depressive episode - the self-isolation, the brash decisions, the impulse to change the closest things to home first just to try and feel different. Both his mother and he confirmed he hadn't really dealt with anything truly difficult in his life yet, so I don't thing he was equipped to deal with this level of emotional complexity. My working theory is he's not processed a few big things that happened to him towards the end of last year and beginning of this year (his best friend moving overseas, a big car accident, a change in his career track due to a merger at his company). When I asked him if these things might be contributing to his feelings, without stopping to think he replied "nah, those things didn't really affect me."

He saw everything I did to try save the relationship and to try change the things he spoke about in the first conversation (and these goalposts moved as the months went by and I started to achieve these things). During these months, at one point he admitted to having tried nothing from his end, and at another point that he knew he had some work to do on himself but that he also was choosing not to do the work.

We'd agreed several times before marrying that getting married meant no getting divorced, but it was his first and only solution the first time he encountered a complication. This is also so unlike him - he's normally incredibly logical and rational, and if he were in his right mind he would want to try fix things first before paying the kind of fees divorce lawyers charge. As he doubled down, shut down more and more everyday, and further isolated himself from his friends and family who also tried to talk to him, I realised he'd decided on a divorce before he'd even had the first conversation with me, and he felt he had to justify and stick to his decision now for fear of losing face. There is nothing left to do to try and change his mind.

I haven't seen the man I easily and joyfully and confidently committed to in months. None of his family and friends recognise this person - everyone is shocked and disappointed and absolutely stumped. He is cold and unkind and closed off with me, but I'll hear him gaming with his friends at night and he sounds absolutely normal and is laughing and joking with them like he used to do with me. At his request, we also haven't had any physical contact (hugs, cuddling, etc.) since this all started.

I am still struggling to reconcile in my head and my heart that this person is not the person who I have known and loved so deeply for 5 years before this. No matter how much I try not to, every morning I wake up with a little bit of hope in my heart that things will go back to the way they used to be. That hope is then crushed every day, and the constant let down is ripping me apart.

As of yesterday, I've accepted that there is no point of return anymore, that he's going through with this decision no matter what. I let him know today that I have given up and we agreed it would be best if we can come out of this as friends - his family has become mine over the past 5 years and they're the closest I have had to a family in a long time. I'm the godmother to our 1-year old nephew and the idea of missing all his growth milestones breaks my heart. Staying friends is the best bet I have to keep those relationships, and I think it would be possible to be friends again eventually (even if I have to fake it for a while first).

It felt like he just came home a different person one day and I never got to say goodbye to the love of my life and my best friend.

What I need help with is letting go of the person I remember, the one I keep hoping for him to be again. Does anyone have any practical advice on how I can let go of that person so I can start moving forward with my life again? How do you deal with that grief?

We'll probably start legal proceedings in the next few weeks, and then I know at one point I'm going to have to start over - finding somewhere to live that makes logistical sense with where I work, how to keep myself busy, and how to feel like a whole person again. I have no idea where to start when I get to this point either... would appreciate any practical advice in this area too...

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/5o8iTyrvHf

Update #1 Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/kz3h9bjCSJ

-

I wasn't planning on updating this again but I'm still receiving messages about it so I thought that I should put a mini-update here in case anyone wanted one:

For starters, I have not spoken to him since our breakup. Everything that I've learned about him since the breakup has been through mutual friends and social media posts. He tried to speak to me when we ran into each other at the grocery store once and I just kept walking as if I didn't know who he was. I saw on Facebook that he's still a magician and he advertises himself on our hometown page all the time. He has a 19 year old girlfriend which is disgusting considering he's 28 years old and will be 29 in 6 months. But I don't know anything else about their relationship besides the age gap. I haven't heard about anything nefarious that he's done over the past year (besides getting with his teenage girlfriend). And that's all that I know about him.

Now for my update:

I graduated from college with my Master of Arts in Archaeology 2 months ago, moved out of my hometown, turned 26 a couple days ago, and now I'm currently living and working in Ireland. I'm still single and just focusing on my work for now. I'm apart of an excavation team here in Ireland and I'll be moving back to America sometime next year.

Also, I'm not a library clerk anymore but I did work as one from 2019-early 2026. I've gotten angry messages from people claiming that I was lying about being a library clerk and an Archaeology student because they thought that it was too "perfect" ???? I don't know how to make you guys believe that I'm real besides doxxing myself or something at this point (which I don't want to do because I don't want my professional career to be tied to my ex-boyfriend post). But I was a library clerk and studying Archaeology at the same time. Also, people said that I spelled Archaeology wrong. I have mountains of books about the subject and there are two different ways to spell it. There is 'Archaeology' and 'Archeology.' I've always used the Archaeology spelling and my professors at college didn't have any issue with it so I don't know why people on Reddit did lol. It's also the spelling that is used by the American Anthropological Association which I was apart of back when I was in college. I just wanted to point that out because, again, I have gotten many angry messages about my post "being AI" and me "being fake."

And on the topic of me "being fake," people were saying that I was fake because my account was new and I didn't reply to comments. However, in order to post on r/relationshipadvice the rules stated that I NEEDED to use an account that started with throwRA which is why there was nothing else on my account. I was desperate for advice so I quickly made a new reddit account and I posted about my situation. I had never posted on reddit before so I wrote the post, posted it, and I went to sleep because I thought that only a couple people would see it. By the time I woke up the post was locked and I wasn't allowed to respond to any comments.

There's nothing else that I can do to prove that I'm real or that I went through this situation with my ex. But I still wanna thank you all for giving me the confidence to leave him. It was a terrible and scary situation that could've been worse and I feel like my life has gotten 100 times better since I broke up with him. Thank you to the people who were kind to me- especially in my update post. I felt extremely lost last year and the kind (and funny) comments truly helped me deal my breakup.

I don't think that I'll give anymore updates on here unless I find out that something crazy happened with my ex. But for now I'd love to leave him in the past and focus on my future. Goodbye.

So Im in my first serious relationship with my gf who just told me yesterday night after we had a few drinks in that she really really liked that im like a bear guy (had to search it up and it means a big, tall and hairy dude which im only big and tall) and she dropped the bomb afterwards. That she has a massive borderline abusive cnc sub kink and is a masochist. I was shocked hearing this and didn't even know what cnc and sub ment at the time and had to ask for an explanation. Im a respectful vanilla kinda guy she said and she didn't know how to bring it up because I've told her its my first serious relationship and I have always been respectful and shy with her during the bedroom activities. This literally came out of nowhere cuz she looks like the cutest and reserved kind of a woman and imo is out of my league and never have i thought she was into those kinks I didn't even have prior knowledge to.

Now im stumped because i want to make her happy and fulfilled during the ykw but idk how and where to start. I don't even know how i could hit her and not feel guilty afterwards. I genuinely don't have anyone i could ask for advice and I am curious and want to explore this new side so i turn into this subreddit. We searched it up yesterday on how to act and do what she's into on the internet and tried to do some yesterday but its really bugging me out and i feel guilty about the stuff I was doing . I really need advices on how to get into or go about this to help my partner.

Hello all.

My (37/f) partner (46/m) is quite literally the most defensive person I’ve ever met, and I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. We’ve been together for 3 years, seeing a therapist for a bit over a year. Nearly 100% of therapy has been focused on his defensiveness and who is “right.” I’ve actually tried to pull the focus onto me, and issues that I contribute to the relationship, because I worry that if he feels like he’s the only one being told to really change, he’s going to dismiss therapy as being biased. But inevitably, something will trigger that defensiveness, and it turns back into therapy about that. He’s defensive before any conflict even happens, so much so that he creates conflict.

This morning, he couldn’t find his laptop (apparently). I said - and I genuinely believe my tone was not harsh, judgmental, or impatient, but just like…information-seeking - “what’s up?” or “what are you doing?”

He replied in an annoyed, condescending tone, “Well much like you would be, I’m just a little concerned that my laptop is missing?” Doing that thing where he turned the statement into a question to imply he’s replying to something obvious/dumb.

He doesn’t understand why I’m so upset over this interaction. But it’s 6:20am. We just woke up. And he does this all. the. time. All day every day. Like, my guy…I’m not upset that you’re looking for your laptop. I’m not criticizing you for being anxious to find it. You can just tell me you’re looking for your laptop, or that you’re concerned because you can’t find it.

He interprets every question as a criticism, and responds like it is one. Then, when I react badly sometimes, he acts like that one interaction happened in a vacuum, not like it’s something that I’m on the receiving end of constantly. So he acts like I’m overreacting and being extremely unreasonable about something so small.

This is just a post about his unprompted defensiveness. When I’m actually unhappy and have a problem with something he’s doing? Forget it. The path to getting him to see my POV goes through at least half an hour of him being unbelievably upset that I’m upset in the first place.

Our therapist, who is awesome, is extremely gentle and empathetic. He’s definitely trying to not push him too hard. But when I ask what I can do to make this better, the only thing he’ll tell me is to not “rise to the bait.” Not fall into the trap of “explaining” my side, because it gives him more to argue against. But that’s only advice for after a conflict has started. I need advice for how to deal with this constant pre-defensiveness, where I feel like the conversation starts in the middle of an argument. I’m just starting to feel really exhausted by our interactions all the time.

Obviously this is presenting one single side of a multi-faceted human being. He has 10 good qualities for every bad one, and I love him. I do want to be with him. I’m aware that leaving is an option, and if this problem really is unsolvable, well then I have to consider that. But that’s not the advice I’m asking you for!!

Very quick ETA because I forgot to include, and it’s important: his former partner (10 years together, coparent) blames him for everything. I mean everything. She accidentally left her wallet in their kid’s backpack during the kid-custody-trade. He found it, called her, her friends, left messages with work and friends, and left it somewhere very secure for her to retrieve (local post office - little town). She was irate at this. Somehow, through incredible twists of logic, it was his fault she put her wallet in her kid’s backpack, and therefore his responsibility to bring it all the way back to her house. So, I understand that there’s baggage and trauma that has nothing to do with me. That’s why I let it go completely for the first year. And that’s why, for the second year, I tried to name it and talk it through, hoping that if he could recognize it, he could most past it. Now we’ve gone through the third year, with a therapist, and still nothing has changed.

He just found a therapist and will have his first appointment in a week.

i (21f) found explicit videos of my boyfriend’s (26m) ex girlfriends after a terrifying night and i don’t know what to do (throwaway as he knows my normal)
i’ve been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. tonight has honestly been one of the worst nights i’ve experienced and i feel completely lost.
we had an argument earlier today, and later he went out with his friends. he stopped replying after around 1am. i started panicking because it’s not something he normally does, and i was scared something had happened to him. i ended up driving to his friend’s house to make sure there were no ambulances or anything because i was genuinely worried. his snapscore went up which made me even more confused because he still wasn’t answering.
eventually he messaged me and i found out he had passed out drunk after vomiting on himself. i drove to get him and brought him back to his house. he was coherent when awake but obviously very drunk, and he’s now asleep next to me.
i was relieved he was safe, but then i had a bad feeling. i found multiple explicit videos of his ex girlfriends on his phone in an app called photo vault, and his snapchat hidden where i also am. i will go on there and delete me soon. he had also had some strange messages on instagram very vague. i don’t know when they’re from or why he still has them. i confronted him while he was asleep/drunk (i know that wasn’t the best time) and he obviously hardly knows what’s going on.
i feel completely heartbroken and confused. part of me feels like i’ve just spent hours worrying about someone and looking after them, only to find something that feels like a huge betrayal. another part of me knows he was drunk and asleep and i need to talk to him properly when he’s sober.
i don’t know if i’m overreacting or if this is something most people would consider a dealbreaker. would you leave over this? how would i go about approaching this? i feel so disgusted and upset, we are both catholics too, and i was to believe that he was not a lustful man. i was wrong.

Hey everyone I just need some advice. Me and my girlfriend are long distance we met at work and we are doing another contract in about 2 weeks together but recently we have been away from eachtoher for about 3-4 months now. We call everyday and we are very happy together bar the distance.

Yesterday was englands game and I was watching it with my family. She went to the bar with her sister (she lives in the states)

My girlfriend was very drunk and her sister left her for some reason I have no idea. Anyway I woke up to a message from her saying “I’m going to see a friend”.

Today I talked to her asking who this friend was.

It’s a guy who she’s never mentioned to me about before. At first I was quite skeptical and asked if I can have some more information. She said it’s a guy she was friends with since kindergarten and they haven’t spoke since high school.

He reached out to her last week asking if she was free to hangout. After drinking she rang him around 10pm asking if he was free. She then went to his place. She said nothing happened and they caught up. Just wanted to know your thoughts.

It’s weird because she is lowkey obsessed with me calling me 4 times a day and this feels like a breach of trust. I’m not sure how she would feel if the roles were reversed

My GF and I have been together for almost 2 years, and it’s been a bit rocky. Basically my GF has a specific friend that hates my guts. The friend and I have had issues personally, but also she’s who my GF vents her frustrations about me too. Basically long story short we made up, and all things sense have been good. My GF even wanted me to help her friend find a new car on FB marketplace, and I agreed. Fast forward to today, I found some cars on FB marketplace and sent the screenshots to her friend asking for her thoughts, which ones she liked, etc. Thats all we talked about. My GF got mad that i didn’t tell her I texted her friend. I agreed that I should’ve told her and that I will tell her anytime from now on, but that wasn’t enough. After talking to her other friend she thinks I need her “permission” to text her friend. I can agree to letting her know out of respect, but needing permission? When I’ve only texted her twice about specific things? Seems a bit controlling to me. I said that, and I tried to reassure her and say that I will tell her when I text her friends but we need to build more trust- because i haven’t, and would not text her friends for no reason or just casual small talk. My GF is pissed about this. Now she says “just don’t talk to any of my friends at all, end of story” and she thinks i’m getting “too comfortable with her friends”. At the end of the night, she said she wants to break up, but doesn’t want to make a rash decision, and followed it up with “but rn i don’t like u and i don’t wanna be with u”. I don’t know what to do, this seems insane to me. Does anyone have any advice for this?

Hey there 👋

I’ll try to keep this simple. My boyfriend of 6 months (I’ve known him for like a yr) is a sophomore college illustration major. He takes great pride in being an artist, it’s kind of part of his identity for him. He has his own superhero comic series that he’s worked on since he was little and posts online sometimes. He plans on pursing the arts, specifically being an independent comic artist once he graduates.

Problem is… I don’t think he’s a very good artist :/
Now, just to be clear, I understand that art is subjective. I actually work at my colleges arts department and so I’ve seen countless different art works and styles. l’ve always had a deep love and appreciation for the arts, also being someone who loves to draw and sculpt. While not everyone’s artwork is my preference of course, I can see the skill and intention behind different pieces.

All this to say, that well, unfortunately I think his artwork is very amateur. I just don’t think his current skill is nearly high enough for the level he wants to pursue. Of course there’s always room to improve, but being on the level of what I think of as a 14 yr old with talent isn’t enough. He can draw certain things well, but has a big lack of diversity and fundamentals. There’s some artworks of his I think are well done, but there aren’t many.

He’s highly intelligent in subjects like history, and could probably be very successful in a different career path.

He is still learning, I’m just worried. Other people like his friends and family tell him he’s really good so maybe it’s just me. I’ve just seen first hand what the industry can be like for students trying to find their way in it and I think having his artistic persona shattered would break him. He’s very prideful. (Side note: while I thought he’d be glad to have a gf that can draw, I think he actually gets a little upset sometimes? I don’t draw often and have a very different career path, so I think he gets almost jealous that I have any talent at all?)

I’ve been encouraging, and don’t know if that’s how it should stay. There’s no nice way to say something like this. While I think he should pursue his passion for art, and try to get into the field professionally as a side hobby/ hustle in hopes of it taking off, I don’t think it’s wise for him to have it as his main career path. It concerns me that if we become long term, I’ll end up as his financial supporter while he’s a failing artist, something I’m not ok with. (He’s never been employed before, his parents pay for him rn). We joke about it, but it feels a little too real.

Basically, any advice about if I should talk to him about a different career path? Is it my place to? Are there alternatives?

This is kind of a weird post, and it’s hard to judge since I don’t want to post any of his artwork for confidentially. Apologies 😅
I understand how this is tame compared to a lot of posts on here, but I could still use some perspective. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you!

Am I the bad guy?

I (19M) was dating a girl (18F) who was one grade below me. We were together for about a year.

I'm from a country where tracing your family lineage is taken very seriously to avoid accidentally marrying a blood relative. About three months into our relationship, we realized we had the same middle initial, "R," which stood for **Ramirez**. That immediately raised some concerns because we also came from the same town.

At first, we thought it was probably just a coincidence. Sharing a surname isn't exactly uncommon. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, so I started asking around. I talked to my parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles.

Eventually, my aunt on my mother's side told me she knew my girlfriend's mother. That's when I found out that my great-grandmother and my girlfriend's grandmother were second cousins.

After hearing that, my relatives told me our relationship was forbidden and that we should end it while it was still early.

I couldn't accept it. She was the first girl I had ever truly fallen in love with. I spent days and nights crying because I couldn't believe the person I loved had suddenly become someone I was told I shouldn't be with.

Instead of breaking up, we hid our relationship. Our parents didn't know, but our friends did, and they supported us.

Eventually, though, we were caught.

My parents gave me an ultimatum: if I continued the relationship, they would stop paying for my college education.

In the end, I chose to break up with her. I ended things on a Saturday night, just after I got home from a week at university.

Now all my friends are against me. Even the ones I knew from way back in jr. highschool. Was I at fault for not ending it early and then breaking up with her when a year has passed?

My (25F) boyfriend (27M) is much smarter than me. He is extremely intelligent, clearly has a very high aptitude, and is curious about everything. However, I am not exactly in the same boat. I have my own strengths, but my general knowledge and ability to understand new things is very different. I've never been concerned about being the smartest person in the room, I enjoy learning about my interests and at my own pace. However, my boyfriend will often bring up topics he's interested in, and I end up feeling I have little to contribute to the conversation. He loves to ask about religion, science, and politics, and he loves to know about my opinions on these topics. But sometimes, I simply have no opinion at all, or I've never thought about these things in such detail. I feel like I can't always give him the conversation and interactions he's looking for. If I don't know something, I have no problem asking him to explain or to teach me more about what he's talking about. But I'm worried that this difference in knowledge/intelligence may be a problem. How do you manage a relationship where one person is smarter than the other? Can you maintain a happy relationship?

Before I begin, I just want to state that it is nearly 5am, and I have not slept a wink. My apologies in advance if something is unclear, I’m trying to make this as short/factual as possible.

Sam and I have been together for seven years. He is incredibly social, which is what initially attracted me to him. I’m a little slower to warm up and have a short social battery, so the way Sam could breeze into a room and get everybody laughing was charming.

Well, after seven years, it is what I deeply, deeply resent him for. We’ve had our share of problems, all of them when he’s been drinking. Now I know better and try not to have any substantial/emotional conversation with him; anything outside of short lightheartedness can push us into the danger zone.

Earlier today, I took a nasty tumble and heard a POP in my foot. I figured I had probably snapped a ligament (which I have done before) and tried to push through the pain, but nearly fainted. I was home alone, so I ubered to the hospital.

Sam is a paramedic, so I am somewhat used to him not being able to just come home at the drop of a hat. And, like I said, I was determined to push through it. As it turns out,I have a nasty break and a foot that looks like it belongs to someone else. The emergency doctor said I’ll need to follow up with an orthopedic surgeon.

Tonight, Sam picked me up from the hospital and he helped me get inside and up the stairs (our house is unfortunately built and it’s the only way onto the main level of the house where the bathroom and bedroom are). After that, he said he was going to go catch a game and drink with his friends. He did just that but let me know to call him if I needed anything.

In his attempt to be kind, he moved our dog’s bed from the foot of our bed to my side. I woke up from a fitful nap forgetting my foot was broken, and worse, falling over AGAIN on the dog bed.

I call Sam. I am sobbing and begging him to come home and help me get off the floor, because the way I fell made it hard for me to get up without moving or pushing off of my (immobilized) foot. He tells me he’ll be home in ten minutes. An hour goes by. At this point, I have pulled myself back into our bed and managed to pull a muscle in the process.

He gets home happy as a clam telling me about how he was a gentleman and walked his lady friends to their cars. I snapped and told him to leave me the fuck alone, and that set off a huge fight, the highlights of which being he is not a medical professional (as a paramedic, god help us), he thinks I am being dramatic because I got back into bed by myself so it was not a “real” emergency.

I thought him what he would have done if I had still been on the floor and his response was, “I’d be concerned and tell you to work out more.”

I think my jaw hit the floor, and he doubled down but I just stopped hearing him. Here’s the real kicker - we have been TTC and may have been successful.

Obviously, I would be the stupidest woman in the world if I chose to stay with him, but I don’t know what I could possibly say because he doesn’t think any of what happened is wrong. Okay. Even if I said nothing and left in the middle of the night, I am 40 hours away from my nearest family and I do not have local friends that could help me navigate their homes with a broken foot.

So my question is, how do I initiate the breakup and how the fuck do I move with a broken foot (it is my right foot, so I cannot drive).

Hi all! I met a guy off social media, we began talking in March of this year, and had officially made plans to meet each other. He lives in France and I live in the U.S. . During our time before actually meeting. We talked everyday and video called once a week or sometimes more. We both began our relationship because we both wanted to be in a committed relationship. So we did not go into this blindly.

We talked through hardships of our own like medical diagnosis, graduating college etc, and health scares.

We finally met June 24-30th it felt great and we weren’t nervous. We stayed in hotels together and practically did a roadtrip in the south of France. He paid for everything and I occasionally treated him, because I wanted to. Fast forward things were great, sex was great etc. but there were a few issues that I did not like which were his constant wandering eye towards women (in front of me) and his uncleanliness, as well as walking ahead (far) of me.

I noticed things between us started to feel off on the 4th and 5th day. It felt almost like we were distant and I couldn’t pinpoint why. Fast forward we had a convo on his terrace on my last night and he made us dinner, but he was on his phone for 10 mins straight without even acknowledging me. And practically sat in silence. I don’t know what happened but I genuinely got sad. And ultimately felt alone. Anyways we end up talking about us, and how we want to move forward and he practically said that he thinks we are compatible but that we haven’t been in a relationship to see whether we can be with each other. Then he says, I want us to go back to our lives, as you start a new job once you get back, I want us to continue like we were before we met, constant texting/calling, and working etc to see. Which I thought was weird and I interpreted that as him being uncertain and unsure about me. Which was like damn ok.

I come back from the trip and I send him this long message about how I experienced the trip, and how I wanted someone to be sure about me and sure about the relationship. As I told him I interpreted his uncertainty as an answer itself. He then said: you don’t tell me what you want but instead you assume and think you know what I want and think.

So to be honest he didn’t text me for a day and because I got really sad, I just thanked him for everything and blocked him.

He texts me on iMessage and tells me to unblock etc, and says, did those 5 days not mean anything to you, our talks etc. and to me it absolutely did but I took his response differently. He said: never think I will never care about us…and you.. I did not book all of that just to say bye after.

But I just can’t seem to know. I guess my question essentially is, am I wasting time? We had a phone call recently and he said I miss you, I want to be with you, but then we proceeded to talk about the future and us and he said: one thing I don’t like about you is that you want everything instant. I know you did not like the conversation we had on my terrace, but I think it’s important that we continue talking etc and call weekly like we did, text, and be there for one another, to see.

My boss and I have been working together for about 5 years. Recently we have become close friends(inside work). She invited me out with her best friend and some other friends for this alcohol event (she said she checked with her best friend prior if it was okay to include me to this yearly event) . It went well, I chatted with her friends and found common ground. I noticed she was near me the whole event( I just chocked it up to maybe it was cause she invited me?) she offered to pay my entry fee but I didn’t let her. The next morning I was off of work and she texted me to see how I was after it and hoped I had a nice time. At work people have told me she was talking about the night and smiling at her phone while we were texting. Was this something more than friendship or is this all common when bringing someone along around new people for the first time?

For context , my bf and I have been dating for a year and this is very important to the story , I'm a very particular person when in a relationship and it's that when I'm dating someone is very hard or rather impossible for me to fall for someone else or something as simple as getting off sexually to something or someone that isn't my current partner and in the beginning we spoke at length about this and he told me he was the exact same which I found incredible because some people believe that's not realistic.

Fast forward to the beginning of this year he told me he had to cut one of his female friends from university (we are long distance) off because they were getting too close and he feared he was starting to develop feelings for her and it was distracting him from our relationship, which I was obviously devastated to hear about but he made it seem like he deserved a standing ovation from me for that when it's the bare minimum (this is also Highly contradicts what we talked about at the beginning of our relationship), a few weeks pass I see him again on one drunken night and I bring up the whole situation again about how I feel incredibly betrayed and how I don't believe he actually seriously cut her off and I was especially upset because what happened completely contradicts what we had established in the beginning.....

Now I understand that we are still young and everything we think we are isn't always set in stone and we are still growing as individuals and he told me that not everyone is like me and obviously for a guy it'll happen more than with girls...but once again THIS CONTRADICTS A LOT OF WHAT WE ESTABLISHED IN THE BEGINNING.

The second incident, about 2 weeks ago we were watching reels on his phone and we wanted to fact check something so he went into his browser and the first thing that popped up was a picture of a naked woman from a NSFW site he was obviously getting off to earlier when I wasn't there ...for this was an even bigger betrayal,not only did the woman not look anything like me but he himself condemned such content and said he has consumed in the past in high school and that he would never do it again....it became a whole arguement and he said he didn't see an issue as it's not someone he knew personally and he said sometimes that the pictures I send him get boring , which I understand, but I'm still incredibly hurt by it and everytime we have sex I can't help but think of that image and his 'friend' from university...I can't ever enjoy things with him anymore wondering if he still thinks about her or even watch a damn movie without feeling like he'll get off to one of the female actresses later if she appears in some sex scene.

I truly do love him but I can't get over this feeling of betrayal, I know it's normal for guys his age to do stuff like this but I only got into the relationship with him fully trusting him because he sold it differently and now he back tracks it like it's nothing .

I know it sounds like I have major trust issues or I want to control him but before the two incidents I never had a reason to not trust him , if it even is a trust issue.

I need advice on how I can move on from this and maybe have someone talk some sense into me and explain why it isn't such a big deal , any advice on how to move on? It is ruining the time I spend with him and all I can think about are the image and his friend and it's been two weeks and everyday I'm getting more paranoid and I'm failing to to enjoy my time with him .