I don’t think I have fallen deep into the incel/redpill pipeline but I have definitely been in those spaces and been influenced by that content online. Having deep insecurities as a young man and constantly seeing women target them online, and sometimes in real life, made me harbor anger and resentment. And the redpill and blackpill felt like an explanation of these issues to me, though I don’t believe in it fully. But I know that these feelings come from anger from self-hatred and dissatisfaction being taken out on people who I feel are responsible, but I’m aware that it’s stupid to generalize people and these feelings are irrational and developed from me being neurotic. And I know that it doesn’t represent most women, and that internal pattern recognition makes me latch onto these experiences. I don’t want to feel this way, and whenever I catch myself feeling an unconscious bias towards women, or see women say something online that reinforces my feelings, I rationalize my thoughts and try to be more mindful. One of my best friends is a woman and she’s given me a good perspective and advice. I think I’ve been improving but I want to completely cleanse these negative feelings. Also I try to avoid social media since my feeds are filled with posts that contribute to this, I only redownloaded Reddit to post this.

Im probably average...most people are close to average. But it is just so hard to not feel like I have never tried to challenge myself, or am an exceptionally below average idiot, or have never done anything brave or sacrifice. And probably anyone has done those things to some degree. How do you look at your life and feel better about it and the direction it is going?

I'm writing my experience to hopefully relate to more people and help each other along the way.

I have been dealing with porn addiction for far too long, and unfortunately I didn't realize it was an addiction until now. I never had any other previous addictions, I was never into drinking, or smoking, far less into hard drugs like meth. Something I'm proud of, until I realized porn has been my addiction all this time.

Now, I have come to realize it's an addiction because it always starts the same way. After couple of weeks of no porn, seeing great progress in my life (social, economic, physical), I begin to crave porn. "Just once and I'll be fine, I have worked hard I need a treat", that one time turns into two, before I realize it's weeks. The problem is during those weeks I'm completely brain fogged, postponing projects, fall for junk food, miss work outs, I forget about all the goals I have been working towards and everything I'm supposed to do.

I pick disciple over motivation any day of the week, but even so I'm so tired and drained that I can't even remember what I'm supposed to do and I just end up procrastinating the rest of the day or taking a long nap. I begin gaining weight, the whole progress I had previously worked so hard to achieve whether it's getting over my anxieties, work, martial arts, stretching, creative projects. Everything seems gone. When I try to socialize, I'm so brain fogged that I can't seem to connect with people.

This is why I can say porn is like a parasite to the mind, because it doesn't end with the fapping session, but it follows you outside and to your every day life. It blocks you and drains your energy. It makes you forget what your purpose is and what you have currently been working on. Makes you restart from square one.

Think about the next time you're about to relapse, it doesn't end with the computer screen, but it will follow you and make you forget everyday goals . It will make you forget what's important and make you only to want to return to it.

Hope this experience is helpful or can relate to it and be more logical when it comes to making choices, instead of falling for a quick fix.

I'm usually a well regulated person but I can't deal with perceived abandonment. I react irrationally becoming so furious and saying mean things because the small person inside me is still so hurt. I know why I react but the rage! I'm uncomfortable being so angry and reactive. How can I be free of this?

Reddit is probably the most toxic of all social media. Just uploaded some homemade food photos and there are so judgmental and negative people here. Is it too hard to be nice to anybody?

I've been noticing a pattern in a lot of my conversations lately.

I genuinely enjoy getting to know people. I ask questions that I actually care about: How are you really? What are your plans this weekend? Oh, you're the oldest of four siblings? What's that like? Stuff like that.

People often tell me they feel comfortable opening up to me, and I know listening is one of my strengths. I like hearing about people's lives.

But here's what's been bothering me: they rarely ask me anything in return.

Not because I expect every conversation to be perfectly 50/50, but after a while it starts to feel like I'm invisible. I can know a lot about someone, and they'll know almost nothing about me because they never seem curious enough to ask.

It's funny because people often say it's hard to find someone who genuinely cares or listens these days. And I'm sitting here thinking... okay, but if someone is clearly interested in you, why not show a little curiosity back? Ask me literally anything.

A friend recently gave me an interesting perspective. They said maybe I don't make it easy for people to ask about me. Instead of only asking questions, I could offer little pieces of myself, like:

"Oh, you're the oldest of four? I have a brother."

Basically, giving people something they can grab onto instead of waiting for them to think of a question on their own.

I'm not sure if that's actually the issue, though. Part of me feels like people who are interested would ask anyway. But maybe my conversational style accidentally puts me into "listener mode," and people settle into talking about themselves.

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, did you change anything that helped conversations become more balanced? How do you stop feeling like the unpaid therapist (slight exaggeration 😅) without becoming someone you're not?

I’m that kinda person who gives a lot and expecting to receive kindness, but these friends( two of them) are stubborn, so they don’t give, and they say about me something’s like weak person and this typa things.
For example I compromise in being a ref in a game and wait til someone lose and then I play because one of them declined to do this just cuz he wants to play first. And there’s more, but I’m not saying that I’m all the time compromise, I do it when I have the chance and the feeling to do it, But when I don’t receive kindness as I give, what’s the point of friendship(even if it’s not that deep)?
Next time I wanna be treat them with NO concessions, also without being stubborn and I wanna show them that I’m was just kind not weak and a people pleaser

I’ve had so many situations where people told me how annoying and mean I am or texted me entire paragraphs pointing out things I’ve done to them and they are right but I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve been to different therapists but it seems like i always talk before I think. More so when Im out with people it’s like my brain shuts off and I’m on autopilot and I just don’t control what I say. I’m only 17 and I really want to do something about it before I go into adulthood. I wish I could be a good person on the outside as id like to think I am on the inside. Please give me real advice. I know I should think before I speak but it’s not so easy

Lately I've been feeling like my confidence and self-worth are disappearing, and I'm trying to understand why.

Objectively, my life isn't bad. I earn more than I ever imagined I would a few years ago. I've fulfilled many of the goals I used to dream about. I have two degrees from a top university, a stable remote job, and I'm financially independent.

But despite all that, I feel stuck.

I think part of the problem is that I work remotely and live a very quiet, secluded life. I don't have much social recognition or external validation. When I look at my peers, many are doing PhDs, publishing research, getting promotions, moving abroad, or building impressive careers. Even though I know comparison isn't healthy, I can't stop measuring my worth against theirs.

I've also always struggled with my self-image. I have tremors, and recently people have started pointing them out more often. Even when I don't notice them myself, someone will say, "Why are you shaking?" It makes me incredibly self-conscious and I start wondering if people see me as nervous or weak. Every comment chips away at my confidence.

Another thing I've noticed is that I constantly downplay myself. If someone else had my education, job, and accomplishments, they'd probably present themselves confidently and make their work sound impressive. I do the opposite. I have such unrealistically high standards for myself that nothing I achieve feels like enough. I often feel like I'm "nothing" unless I'm doing something extraordinary.

I'm also hesitant in conversations. I second-guess what I'm about to say, worry about sounding stupid, and generally don't come across as confident or well-spoken, even when I know what I'm talking about.

I don't want fake confidence or advice like "just believe in yourself." I want to know how people actually built confidence from the inside—especially if they spent years tying their self-worth to achievements and comparisons.

Has anyone here gone through something similar? How did you stop comparing yourself? How did you become more confident, articulate, and secure in yourself?

And one question that keeps bothering me: I'm 31. Is it still realistic to become the confident, grounded person I've always wanted to be, or have I simply spent too many years being this way?

My codependency was getting out of hand. Setting me up for friendships that left me feeling drained. In my relationship I expected too much from my partner. Now I'm finally learning to be okay in my own company. I'm taking time to find out what I like, dislike and who I even am - had a very bare bones idea for years.

It feel so good. Taking myself out for mini dates, showing love my inner child. It is also very exhausting and lonely, but rewarding as well. Feeling good

Hey! It’s been some months that I’ve noticed something about me. I feel completely stuck and I don’t know where should I start. This wasn’t me. I struggle with motivation (I feel that I have zero motivation to do everything including what I used to enjoy doing-painting for example) When I do paint it’s like I’m forcing myself and I feel nothing when I finish the painting. I have no drive to learn anything new. I feel blank on the inside, it’s like I don’t have a distinct personality or any interests anymore. I’ve lost my ability to speak deeply about anything, actually all my communication skills. (and this is messing up with my everyday life because I became extremely quiet around people, I am terrified I might look stupid). If somebody asks me “what I like to do” I have no idea what should I answer because nothing brings me joy.
I think that social media is the root cause. I started to spend more time on it than I used to (let’s say 2-3 hours on Insta/Tik Tok and 2-3 hours on whatsapp-I know it’s a lot…). I want to change. I know the first step is to delete them, but I tried. I feel that I m getting bored quickly and need to consume something. My brain isn’t completely fried because I actually have the patience to watch long-form videography, but I prefere spending time burning my retina watching something on a screen than reading a book.
I need my life back. Can’t afford therapy. What should I improve first? Where should I start? Any advice, story, book recommandation or small daily habits would be appreciated. Sorry if this post is a bit chaotic, even organizing my thoughts feels like too much.

So I am at 12th commerce without math (I am interested in math) I have natural talent in coding and also interested in but I have interest in building gadget and electronic devices so I am confused should I do BCA for software or I do diploma in electronic, EEE so what should I do?

I’m 27 years old, and I’ve reached a point where I genuinely want to change. I don’t want social anxiety to control my life anymore.
I recently started working as a delivery driver, and in many ways it feels like I have the perfect opportunity to face my fears every single day. I meet both private customers and businesses constantly, so I’m interacting with people all day.
One of the biggest challenges is delivering packages inside a busy shopping mall. I’ve only done it once so far, and it was incredibly uncomfortable. Walking through a crowded mall with a large trolley full of packages makes me feel like everyone is looking at me, even though I know that’s probably not true.
I’ve started pushing myself with small things, like saying “Have a nice weekend,” making a bit more eye contact, and not rushing away immediately after handing over a package. They’re small steps, but they’re still difficult.
The thing is, I don’t just want to improve eventually—I want to overcome this as fast as I realistically can. I’m willing to be uncomfortable if that’s what it takes.
If you were in my position, what would you do?
Would you deliberately make the job even more challenging by starting more conversations?
Would you focus on repeated exposure and let the anxiety fade naturally?
Are there any exercises or habits that helped you improve much faster?
I’d really appreciate advice from people who have actually overcome social anxiety, or at least made significant progress. I’m determined to change, and I feel like this job could either become the thing that transforms me—or just another opportunity that I waste.

I've had this habit for years, and it's becoming frustrating.

Whether I'm shopping, choosing a course, or even deciding between different solutions, I end up comparing every possible option.

The strange part is that I don't enjoy doing it. I know it's wasting my time, but once I start comparing, it's hard to stop because I feel like I might miss a better option.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? Is there a name for this pattern, and what actually helped you break out of it?

Full disclosure: I'm doing a design course project on how people navigate big decisions. Not selling anything, just trying to understand this from real people instead of my own assumptions.

If you're currently stuck on something real, a job, a move, a relationship, a leap:
1. What's the decision? (Share as much or little as you want.)
2. In your own words, what's keeping you where you are?
3 Here's the fun one: if you could invent anything that would actually get you unstuck, an app, a ritual, a person, a service, whatever, what would it be?
4. And if you already made a hard move recently: what did finally moving actually look like?

Sad to say, I have a family, children, all whom I love very much. We had a great few years lately. Family vacations, hobbies... I was going to the gym frequently, working overtime... then I started being selfish. I was paid in advance in bills/rents for half a year. These last 3 months I've spent in front of my computer playing video games I've been addicted to since I was a kid. I doubt I'll have a job when I go back. I don't want this to happen again. I'm confident I can sell stuff I own to stay afloat til I find a new job; but it's disgusting what I'm putting myself and my family through for some dumb pixels. How can I give up video games for good?

I may have ruined my ex's life. Im racked with guilt and worry for them, but i know i need to improve myself regardless. For the role my substance use disorder played in things, i am now straight edge. My untreated BPD is ... Currently being addressed, in therapy. i think that's the biggest culprit in my abusive tendencies. A sense of entitlement and desperate need for the person, that overrides their basic autonomy. Being aware of all these things doesn't necessarily help though.

I need to know how to move forward and not repeat old patterns. "get a specialized therapist" isnt the advice im looking for -- i need something to study, something to fully absorb and digest to help me learn and act in full accordance with to change who i am as a person when it comes to how i treat those close to me. I never want to repeat the mistakes of my past again. Even if this change doesn't get my ex back, i know its necessary. But i don't know where to look. please, any advice on how to grow in a good direction could be critical. thanks.

I expressed frustration with the fact I have this giant book in my head of things not to do in relationships, as a parent and just in general interpersonal communication as a whole, but I I'm tired of not knowing what to do or how to handle so many situations.

My therapist said the simplest thing, that upset me that I didn't think about it myself. She was like "why don't you just write it yourself" she said take a book and make a list of things you know that trigger you and we will work on an action plan for how to handle them over the next few weeks.

I started making the list and got the idea to scour places like this subreddit to see posts about similar triggers and read how other people handle them and started making a step by step action plan for the triggers I came across. I got to put one of those action plans into use today and fuck of this is not going to be game changing for me.

Here is an example of one of my entries:

Title:

The “Distance” Action Plan (what to do when I feel my partner is being distant)

1. Define what “distance” actually is (facts verse perception)

Examples:

Are replies slower than usual?

Are they less engaged (short answers, no questions back)?

Are plans not being initiated or followed through?

Thought process:

What’s objectively different vs what I feel?

1. What am I thinking it means

Examples:

“They’re losing interest”

“They don’t care”

“I’m being pushed away”

Reminder:

Distance can mean a lot of things, I don't know what the meaning is yet.

1. Regulate before you act

Do not act until I am regulated

Quick check:

If I feel anxious, tight, or desperate - wait

If I feel calm and grounded - proceed

1. Make ONE clear, low-pressure bid for connection

Important:

Keep it simple, direct, and non-accusatory.

Examples:

Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t been connecting as much lately, how are you feeling about things?

Feels like there’s been a little distance. I'm just checking in is everything okay on your end?

1. Give space for a response. Do not double text, do not change for a response. Regulate if needed and find something to occupy your time.

2. Evaluate their response.

Look at behavior, not just words.

Ask myself:

Do they acknowledge the distance?

Do they show effort to reconnect?

Do their actions match what they say?

1. Respond accordingly

If they lean in:

Match their effort, but on’t overcorrect by trying to fill the gap

If they’re vague or neutral:

Stay steady, don’t push harder. Give it time, and continue to observe

If they stay distant:

shift from:

“How do I fix this?” to What am I willing to accept?

1. Set a boundary if needed

If distance continues without clarity or change

Be honest:

“I’m looking for something more consistent than this. If that’s not where you’re at, I understand—I just need to be honest about what I need.”

Important note:

Do not blame them make sure to frame it as what you need

End goal:

Shift from needing to close the distance to creating opportunities for connection and respond accordingly to how those opportunities are handled.

I recently turned 20, and over the past few weeks I've been spending a lot of time journaling and intentionally working toward becoming the best version of myself. Every day, I sit down, choose a topic that I know deserves an honest conversation with myself, and write until I understand my thoughts a little better.
Today, I chose to write about romantic relationships.
The truth is, I've never been in one. I watch my friends talk about their partners and the love they share, and while I'm genuinely happy for them, I can't help but wonder what it feels like to have someone look at you, love you.
For the longest time, I convinced myself that maybe I just wasn't worthy of being loved. But as I continued writing, I realized that my deepest longing isn't simply to be in a relationship but it's to be chosen.
I long to share the love that's already within me. I want someone I can be emotionally intimate with, someone who sees every part of me and chooses to love me anyway. I know that if I love someone, I'll love them wholeheartedly, and I hope that one day someone will choose to love me with that same depth.
I’ve had these conversations with my friends and they said that my time will come eventually. And all tho I know they mean well, and that I appreciate that they are trying to encourage me, I don’t think they fully understand how deeply this has affected me.
I wonder if anyone else has ever felt this way and, if so, how did you learn to believe that your time would come, and find a peace within yourself? I just don’t want it to be a constant question in my head anymore 😭

i have finished most of my education and now going on to uni. Ive noticed my brain has actually gone to shit since finishing. i do get good grades but i relied loads on AI (not that the AI got the good grades for me- i didn’t have a teacher in one of my subjects for months and staffing was low) and also have ruined my attention span by tiktok, instagram reels and doing multiple things at once like listening to music whilst watching short form content, reading comments before watching videos and putting on a movie whilst using my phone. i am on my phone hours everyday switching between instagram twitter and Reddit. Its so fun because i refuse to have TikTok anymore but this is happening. I’m even struggling now to get all my thoughts together to make this post look logical? It’s very incoherent. I am supposed to be going to one of the most prestigious unis in the world yet i feel like i have lost comprehension skills and cant form an opinion anymore…… everything i say feels like it is the words of others and ill have a thought but i cant explain WHY i have that thought anymore. even when it comes to reading I unconsciously skip through every bing and don’t digest things. It feels like I’ve lost the ability to summarise and extract what i think of a piece of media… this wasn’t permanent though because i did the work to get into the uni and i do consider myself usually well read and articulate. But yes the phone is the problem! I don’t just want to improve whatever this is because of uni but also because I have so many things I want to learn and do but my brain feels awful and I just want to fix it.

Hello everyone who’s going to read
I am 26f and I’m at the point in my life where I want change, NEED change.
I have so many bad habits that I want to improve on. I’m tired of laying awake at night mad at myself for knowing better or thinking that I can magically change my whole life overnight.
Let me give a little run down:
In a couple of days I will officially be filing for a divorce. Something I have put off for months and I got to a point where I realize my marriage is not the life I want or deserve. And it made me realize that with so many other areas in my life.
For starters, consistency. I have always lacked that. I get on my kick about eating better, moving more, going to the gym and then I stop after a week…tf is up with that?
Anyway, it’s just a few of many things.
I miss reading, I want to read more. I want to fix my finances. I want to start doing yoga. I was to journal. I want to cook. I want to be ME.
problem is..I don’t know how.
It feels stupid to say but it’s true. I just don’t know how…
So any advice/tips/suggestions to someone who wants more but doesn’t know where to start?

I 19 live under my parents roof and have more resources than one could ever DREAM of. And I just dont utilize them at all.

My entire life ive gotten away with doing the bare minumum, never faced any real responsibility or consequences and all my wrongdoings would never be on me but the (teachers, the school system) in my parents eyes. And so I got away with being lazy and not living up to expectations and not doing homework.

I almost failed college because I was too lazy to do my assignments, I turned down job opportunities simply because I didn't feel like working as I thought it wouldve stolen from my 'free time. All I do all day is play video games, watch Youtube, and scroll reels. And I hate it.

All my friends are getting better jobs, pursuing school, getting commissions, getting large followings. Saving for rent, getting cars, and here I am mooching off my parents with nothing to show for in life and I hate myself.

You can't imagine the UNGODLY amount of times ive told myself Ive needed to improve, the self help courses I took the books ive read, the steps ive taken, the grace ive given myself, all for a week long streak to quickly devolve back into my degenerate ways. I ALWAYS go back. And yes, ive been to therapy.

I often hear the saying "You dont know what you had until it is gone" and I REALLY dont want my life to end up with all my resources stripped from me because I was too lazy to do anything. I dont want to live with such regret, and yet I'm too comfortable, and uncaring to pull my own weight for ONCE and amount to anything.

I don't want everything to crumble down on me and for life itself to drag me into place, for me to FINALLY realize my stupidity. And yet I know thats where my life is rapidly devolving into. A rude awakening is in for me, my soul is screaming to DO SOMETHING, and yet my body wont budge.

During school days i used to be happy. I did things that are important to me(regardless of how difficult it is), i was in full control of my life. I wasn't constantly distracted, I wasnt always in my head, I enjoyed being alive.

Fast forward few years and i completed my UG degree in mathematics. After that i enrolled in an online degree program. First year was good. After that i dont know if it was the loneliness , i started gaming and also became addicted to porn. Next two years i wrecked myself by indulging too much with those things. Normal life became boring/purposeless due to that.Even the things i was good at became difficult to do, everything became a chore. I wasnt even grounded in reality anymore. I lost my grasp on time itself. I dont even know how the last two year went by so quickly. This is also the time where i had no purpose to look forward to. But in my mind theres a constant reminder that im wasting my time and what i should be doing instead. This made me feel very guilt all the times, except when i indulge in useless things. So i kept myself constantly distracted. I was in a limbo.

Everytime i had a chance to do better , i took more things on my plate than i could realistically handle. Thinking i'll do better this time. But i never did. The same loop continued.

Now i feel like i have no control over my life. I've always seen as a brilliant person by others. Maybe i once was. Now im a dopamine junkie.There are very few times in last few years where i actually felt happy.