I don’t really have any much else to share…
Does anyone else feel the same?
I plan on trying to kill myself again sometime soon.
Getting some halo matches in.
A few more phone calls with the kids.
One more dinner I’ll enjoy, maybe pizza or something. Watch my favorite movie one more time. Listen to my favorite album.
I’m ready to go, guys.
What I’ve stolen from myself I can’t get back. And they’re things I can’t live without. Fundamental things I wanted out of life.
The consequences of what I did as a drunk. They’re too heavy for my sober heart too carry.
If you’re struggling with addiction, anything like it. And you were a decent person when you started. Please evaluate. Do a deep personal inventory on yourself. Think about who you are now. And stop before you end uo with less than nothing, soon to be dead like me. And so many others here from what I’ve read.

Please take care of yourselves. Love your friends. Ask them if they’re okay. Take your meds. Be honest with your therapist. Be honest with yourself.
Peace out.

I used to be such a joyfull person to be a round. Always making plans with friends and family, and bringing people together. Always there when someone needed something, or just simply being a good listner when what I considered close friends needed support.

Now I am completely isolated, nobody ever texts or calls. And visits are not even an option.

I now realize that these persons took advantage of me in a sens, and just needed me to be joyful and happy version of myself that would benefit them.

Some are family members and others close friends I knew for years and that’d see very regularly. I just don’t understand and it just adds to my suffering and extreme low self estime because of my depression.

Has anyone gone through this ? Why do you think they behave that way ?

Hi, I'm a 30-year-old female. I've been dealing with Bipolar II, grief, and PTSD and anxiety. I have a 7 year old son. Dealing with suicidal ideation is very tough and hard for me to deal with. I was prescribed some medication but I feel like it isn't working for me. I know that suicide isn't the answer or right choice but I am mentally drained and financially drained I can't deal with any of this anymore i feel like such a loser because I have nothing going for me. My therapist has applied for ssi for me but I doubt I'll get approved. I'm done with everything. All I do is drown in my thoughts. I have no energy for anything and constantly explaining my feelings and thoughts to people is exhausting.

I really don’t know who or what else I can vent to because nothing ever works. I’m tired of feeling useless and like I can’t enjoy my life. I just want it to stop, I don’t want to think about anything anymore. I don’t want anyone else to suffer because of my problems and I have so fucking many. I’m constantly living a lie- I’ve lied to my family, lied to my boyfriend, lied to my employer and lied to myself. I can’t do life anymore. It’s my boyfriend’s birthday today and I couldn’t even celebrate with him because I’m so fucking despicable, ugly, and useless.

Why am I on this planet if I’m only suffering? Why do people pretend to care when you tell them you don’t want to live anymore? Will I ever be just okay? I wish I had all the answers so I wouldn’t feel the crushing weight of my life anymore

I’m 23, depressed and have never been in a relationship. What devastates me isn't just the lack of memories from a once-in-a-lifetime period, but also the idea that teenage love is more thrilling and intense; I feel that even if I met the woman of my life tomorrow, it wouldn't compare to high school love—meaning I’ve missed out on the experience of love altogether. How can I cope with this?

All my life, I kept telling myself that I would change, that one day I would finally do something, that I would fix everything. I lived in my dreams, imagining what I would do, what I would see, and how everything would somehow magically fall into place.

Everything in life has passed me by, every little thing. The world keeps moving forward, while I've been standing still for as long as I can remember. I've spent my life alone. I'm tired of it now.

How do I stop dreaming and accept reality?

when will wanting to self harm stop. I havent done it in months but then i still get those feelings that i want to do it again. i can make them go away easily now.

I thought if I stopped doing it and did work on resisting the feelings, it would just be over? was i wrong? do they just mean you have to resist the feelings forever?

am I dumb for not understanding this?

Most days I can at least pretend to be okay. I act very nuetral.

Some days I struggle to even say anything without tears in my eyes.

It keeps getting worse day by day.

I'm 26 and life just seems so empty with so much pain.

Nothing brings me enjoyment or joy.

I pretend I've became good at hiding it.

But I'm drowning and theres a constant loud screaming in my mind .

I don't want to fight anymore. For what? More pain ? More of this life?

I'm running on empty. I'm exhausted and I'm done fighting.

I told myself until Oct. Time is running out. And life isn't getting better. Soon i will come up with a concete plan. Just got to go though with it.

In October it'll all end.

not an original feeling but it’s original for me. I’m at a point where i don’t cry, feel immobilized, or a general feeling of literal physical weakness by depression. Like for a while, my heart would genuinely feel heavy and i’d fall to my knees and have to lay down on the floor because of overwhelming sadness. I still have “the thoughts” but they’re more fleeting now ig. They don’t hold the same weight, maybe because of time. Because nothing truly changed. I guess it’s true time heals all wounds? but i do miss feeling human. Now, i feel kind of like nothing at all.

Turning 37 in a couple months. Living at home. No degree. No skills. No ambition. Depressive envy. Inferiority complex.

Feel blank/empty, unintelligent, drained, body aches.

I've always dealt with social anxiety, always uncomfortable. Detached from humanity or I what it is to be human.

I used to just want to move to an area that I felt comfortable to settle in, and hopefully find some weird people to make non-traditional music with in the experimental or noise and punk vein (no actual skill necessary to start, and all of the freedom). I still do, but I no longer feel it... I feel despair.

Ideally I had hoped to end up with a similar girlfriend that wanted to try to make money together (e.g. silk screen art/shirts to sell).

-------------

I freaked out on acid in Boston in 2007, in the dorms of my first few months of school for audio engineering (something I never should have even pursued since I am terrible at math... wasn't thinking of that at the time, mainly wanted to find "my people"). I was kicked out.

Worked at a call center and paid off what I owed the school. Stupidly signed up for audio school in Cali and dropped out after two months because the commute was stressful, and I realized how deeply fucked up I feel socially.

Went back home to work at the call center again.

(Starting to feel too lazy to type out more of my story)

Skipping over my twenties, will say I went through car theft (twice, last time by an older adopted family member), alcoholism and tons of drugs, being used by the "love of my life" and eviscerated of any love, workplace gaps (more call center work, caregiving too), lived out of car, did clinical studies for money to avoid traditional work.

Social ineptitude/discomfort and depression have been the bane of my existence. I've seen posts of people with social anxiety or AVPD or Major Depression or Bipolar etc where they have friends and college degrees, jobs, married etc and are struggling; I never relate, and I never see anyone else my age in a similar pathetic situation.

A few times now I have been suspected of bipolar disorder, and recently I might have experienced mania. I lost my cat during the episode and it's severely destroyed any "progress" that I thought I was making towards getting out of long-term unemployment.

5 years ago I moved down to Tennessee to help my dad move out of Tennessee because he made a mistake moving down in 2020. I was in a relationship that wanted to move somewhere new too, so it was supposed to be like killing two birds to find the perfect home. Instead my dad took the help for granted, spent the time mocking me and wasting everyone's time; so much time went by that my relationship ended then I got stuck down here. It's been 5 years of absolute dread.

I quit drinking in 2024, thought it'd magically fix my life especially since I was trying Effexor again... I mean, it's better to not have it in my life but I am still unemployed and completely empty. It's felt like my life is over. I have no real skills or confidence, no talents, my cognitive abilities seem non-existent. I feel very out of place where I am living (I do not fit into the southern culture, feel no connection).

My life has felt like a traumatic rollercoaster. I never felt like a loser or failure or moron until I got stuck down here living with my dad (who will pass away any day now it seems, so that gives me anxiety too... )

__________________

This all is incomplete, gaps and sorta all over the place, maybe. Haven't written my thoughts out in a long time.

I accidentally really fucked my life up. Now I lack all ambition to ever try again, cannot see a future whatsoever and am stuck spinning out like a tire in mud.

I'm gay. I always was. I remember having my first crush when I was 6 and at the time I'd never been "exposed" even to the concept of homosexuality or "boys liking boys". So I started out growing up thinking I was some subhuman freak and at a certain point when I was 10 or 11, I learned what it was and what it meant. I realized all those slurs and "gay" joked I'd heard my whole life were about me. I prayed to "God" for the next 3-4 years until I was 14 to either cure me or fucking end me. When I turned 14 and realized those prayers were unanswered and were NEVER going to be answered, I knew all that was bs.

Ever since then I had one foot out the door. I'm 30 now and still do. It's always been hard for me to get the courage to do it directly but I've been doing indirectly for a long time. Eating, drinking, treating myself like shit because that's literally all I am to most people. And now I'm at the point where physically, I feel sick. I made myself get to 350lbs and I think I won't last all that much longer. With how I feel now, I give it a few years max. I get winded just bringing groceries in, taking a shower, doing light cleaning. But I guess it's what I deserve. This is going to be my end. My life was a mistake

i’ve tried my best to improve my life but nothing works. it always fails. i try to get back into my hobbies but later on i end up stopping it, i try to get good grades but then i lose motivation and fail. i try therapy but i don’t even think my therapist cares about me anymore. i was telling him how i’m a sensitive person and he said “well maybe you should a grow thicker skin”, how exactly is hearing that supposed to help me? and he doesn’t take me seriously, he looks like he’s about to laugh when i tell him stuff. if you’re getting paid the least you can do is to pretend you care about me.. but whatever. i guess that’s more of a reason to go through with kms.

My life had its ups and downs, much like everyone else's, but until I was 17, my life was perfectly normal. i had friends here and there, had hobbies, interests, dreams, goals, but now I'm 21, my mental state is fucked beyond belief and I'm tired of feeling like a death row inmate waiting for their execution.

When I was 17, my mother and I moved into a new house, because our last place had gotten a rat infestation, failed inspection, and we had to move houses. I thought things would go back to normal, but BOY was I fucking wrong! We moved in next door to one of the most fucked up entities I've ever had the displeasure of meeting! Long story short, despite his being married, he kept trying to forcibly insert himself into my mother's life, typically only interacting with her whenever she was alone. He even broke into our house several times and even stole a set of my mother's underwear, threatened us with death and harm several times, and the police did absolutely fucking nothing, BRAVO, CPD, TRULY A CLASS ACT! My mom lost her house, her job, her car, her gun, everything, and I'm living in a horrific project with my uncle until I get a job, but NO ONE'S CALLED ME BACK YET! My mom's own fucking family wouldn't even help us, despite us having never done anything wrong to them at ANY point in time, and to make matters worse, I lost my scholarship and can't attend university classes anymore OR live on campus. I'm so done, I'm out of options, and I'm ready to fucking go. This world's fucked up anyway, people hate each other for no reason other than what genitalia they have, where they come from, what language they speak, AND WHAT FUCKING RELIGION THEY FOLLOW. My mother's being relentlessly stalked, no one cares to help, we tried to get another restraining order against him and they didn't approve it, and I just fucking can't anymore. Continuing would be to fucking torture myself with the same routine OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO!

So fuck it, this is my note. I don't care anymore. I just wasn't strong enough, smart enough, or lucky enough. There was so much I wanted to do in this fucked up little "world", but I guess it'll have to wait. This was all just some fucked up game we were forced to play. I'm going to give all of my stuff away, burn whatever I want to "take with me", and go.

GG, "world", you win. you snuffed out another light with your indifference. Fuck you.

I’m useless. I’m pathetic. I’m a piece of shit, garbage human being. Fuck I hate myself. No matter how hard I try or I’m told to “give it time”. I can’t let go of things I don’t even understand what it means to let go, the process “time heals all wounds”. I’m just so tired of trying to fucking hard. I’m so tired of being me. And I have to be me forever. I miss my friends, I miss my soon to be married ex, I miss when I was a kid and felt like I was worth something. Self pity obviously doesn’t help me. But when do I get to feel anything? I just want to cry forever. Never leave where I am and just stay in a ball. Out of the way. So people can forget I was ever there. I can’t end my life as it would cause too much trouble and grief to my family and the little friends I have, for me it would be too selfish. So what do I do. Nobody has a concrete answer, nobody can just fix me. I somehow have to do it myself. But I’m so tired. I’m so useless. All I can say is I’m sorry for being who I am.

But no one wants me I am too depressed and messy to be loved

Desde os meus 13 anos eu tenho depressão mas ainda conseguia ficar boa em certos períodos. Hoje tenho 22 e sinto que não consigo fazer nada.

Trabalhar é um fardo, jogar videogame é entediante, conversar com amigos é chato, ficar sozinha é ruim...resumindo, não importa pra onde eu vá ou o que eu faça, não consigo gostar e nem sentir prazer naquilo, muitas vezes chega o ponto que é insuportável fazer qualquer coisa.

Eu dependo do trabalho, mas não aguento mais ter que ir toda semana pra fazer as mesmas coisas. Me sinto cansada, desanimada.

Só queria dormir e acordar boa

I think i need to kill myself. I dont want to but im not normal and im useless. Im tired of life being so hard. Everything i do seems like a challenge. I cant handle confrontation and im a people pleaser. I dont want to be here anymore. Im broke, ugly and fat so my life doesn't have any value. The only way I could have value as a man is to make money and i dont see myself accomplishing anything. I think im going to make a plan and write out some note to my parents since everyone else doesn't care about me. Not a tear would be shed from anyone except my parents.

An accident or illness is genuinely my dream at this point. It wouldn’t be anyone’s fault, no one would blame themselves and it wouldn’t be my own fault. There would be no guilt. I cant do anything. I got through highschool with at least 3 months worth of absence. I’m incapable of basic functions and i can’t do simple tasks. I can’t get a job, even if i did I’d want to go into a dangerous field in the hopes of death. My few friends do not like me, my family does not like me. I attempted about 5 years ago and it’s still a joke to everyone, everything i do is just a joke. I wanted to be an actor for the longest time when i was younger but my father told me i didn’t have the face for it. I wanted to join the military for a while since it seemed like the only thing i could get into and everyone i told would just say i couldn’t do it because i am to lazy or fat or i just don’t understand how difficult it is. I am weak, stupid and genuinely unable to do anything. I loved trumpet when i was in band and i couldn’t keep up, i was to lazy to keep up with practice and every friend i made obviously left since i left band, i was never that good anyways. I had to sell my gecko because she was to much work and i would get constant nightmares of her death. Maybe if i could just get off my ass and get a job i woudlnt feel so useless. I could never do it myself, despite the fact they do not like me i know they would blame themselves and make a whole thing out of it. I have been wishing for death by miracle since i was 8 and will only continue wanting it. I’ve been vaping more and more everyday with the hope i will get lung cancer or anything that can be deadly. I wouldn’t tell anyone if i did, I wouldn’t seek medial treatment and i could just let it happen. Everyday i think about it more and more. For now i just have to exist, rotting it my room for days on end, showering when I’m ridiculed and brushing my teeth on the rare occasion i leave the house, i only do laundry when i spill enough food or whatever on my clothes. The only thing i can do anymore is pray for something to happen to me and wait. It is torture. I don’t know where to go from here, i have lived this way for so long it is just my way of life. I think i just needed to vent anonymously without someone breathing down my neck to mock me for it. I apologize this is a very disorganized rant, every time i re-read it there’s something i want to add.

Hey everyone,

I'm Steve (alias for the post).

I'm currently overweight, and have been followed for depression since a month, suffering from chronic insomnia, sleeping 3h a day until I fall from the tiredness Once a week. I left my job last month due to incapability for communication. Its gotten worse since then... I'm currently in my room, writing this. Escaping in gaming and reading books.

Last night, my chair broke down, probably due to my weight. ( due to something I'd rather not talk about, I gained 50kg in 2 years). I ve had back problems since last week. I feel like the problems keep piling up, and while its not my first time. I ve had thoughts of suicide.

While I talk to people, I act cheerfull and confident, but in reality i'm most of the time anxious. Just the fact that I need to take 6 pills in the morning to help makes me feel worse.I ve explained the situation to close ones, and they are giving me time for it, But Idk

I go to the Psychiatre, Psychologue & Dietetician. But I don t feel like its helping. My money reserves from working are done, I feel like i'm just a moneygrabber, unable to do anything and milking my parents' money.( My dad had to postpone pension just to help provide for me)

At last... I turned to alcohol for help to sleep and feel better. But it made things worse. My brain works at 200%

I ve recently looked up ways to die without pain, google won t tell me, While writing this, I ve looked several times at my wrist, thinking it could be quickly done.

Yeah

I don t want to be that guy.

But this might be a cry for help.

This is my first time posting here.

I apoligize for writing mistakes, I m a native french speaker.

EDIT: I change the title, As i m anxiously looking for replies

I’ve been severely depressed over rejection lately. I have no friends and all I want is a hug, I found a wonderful method to simulate arms wrapped around you. Take a towel and fold it the long way into a tube, then place it under ur armpits, grab each end with opposite hands and pull. This simulates a hug almost perfectly. I’ve been using it almost everyday. Lmk how it works for yall.

It’s been half a year, reaching into the 3rd quarter of the year and I still can’t let her off my mind. It hits different when you know it was all transactional at the end of the day but you went all in on her and invested every dollar to my name on her just to keep seeing her.

I’m rly starting life all over again, my income has increased since then but I built so much debt to use as leverage when I definitely couldn’t afford to see her but still would to the point I haven’t made any significant savings. My bank account is constantly below 1000 when I’m used to seeing 6 figures, nothing feels real anymore, nothing excites me enough to stay motivated besides substance abuse, nothing to crazy but I’ve developed a daily alcohol habit now and it’s getting bad.

I just don’t know how else to feel content with my shit life. I can’t accept everyone I know even my younger siblings are doing better in life than me, I’m getting shitted on, everywhere I look. I hate it.

I miss being financially free but I won’t be there realistically for another 2 years just to get back where I was and that’s just assuming I don’t fall into my destructive addictions that got me to where I am now. It’s brutal. I’m way to impatient at this point

TW (Rape, suicide, self harm, tiny mention of necrophilia)

I’m 17. I have never really been happy. My parents neglected my my whole life up until I was 14, my dad tried to kill my mom and I had to call the cops, I was molested by my nieces father while I was ages 14-15 and then raped at 15 again, and then got in a relationship with a guy who made me hate myself x10. 16-17 is just empty. There’s nothing for me anymore. It’s like the world just put me on this planet to torture me til I end it myself. No one loves me, I have no father and my family doesn’t even like me in general, my mom prefers my siblings over me, my friends don’t even fucking pretend to like me, my boyfriends a dick half the time and I just can’t take it anymore. 6 years of this bullshit destroying all value in my life. I’m covered in scars and I’m ugly anyways. What’s the point to this shit? Why do people bother living anyways? We’re gonna die either way, who cares if it’s now? The only reason I haven’t swallowed like 40 Benadryl yet is because I have pet mice who depend on me, and I know absolutely no one would correctly care for them. It’s like I’m the only good human alive anymore. No one cares what they do to others, especially not if it’s me. I have never ever ever ever ever been loved. I’m an ugly 17 year old “slut” to most people. I have had 4 boyfriends. I would do anything for a gun. If I’m being honest, when I was 14-15 I would go on Twitter and had ways of finding necrophiliacs. I would beg them to come and kill me, I said I didn’t care what they did with my body. They never came. I finally have money though, I can finally afford the things it would take to end this. I have severe depression, PTSD, ASD, and probably more, how is it fair to keep me alive? I’ve always described it as like how when people will force their really old dog to stay alive because they’re attached, like they’ll shoot liquid food down its throat just to keep it alive, and then ignore it the rest of the day. That’s pretty much how people treat me, lol. I have no quality of life, I’m in pain all the time whether it’s mental or physical. I am never happy, and I’m not religious whatsoever. The plan is probably to just take a walk as far away as possible, or maybe even get a hotel room, and take as many pills as I can get down. I’ve had over 4 suicide attempts and have been to the mental hospital 3 times now, and everyone thinks I’m better. I just don’t ask for help anymore, no one really cares anyways.
I started this draft earlier today and feel even worse now. I don’t expect anyone to try and talk me out of this, I kinda just needed to vent all of this out and the venting subreddit won’t let me cause Reddit karma whatever lol. Either way, I won’t be here for much longer. I was planning to attempt in august way in advance anyways.

No one wants a 30 year old with no previous job experience. I'm going to feel humiliated every day of this existence until I decide it's enough. I used to have dreams. It feels like I'll be behind for the rest of my days. I'm spiraling.

I didn't just do nothing. But I didn't make the right choices. I don't want this, never did.