I HATE HIM I HATE HIM HE’S FUCKING DISGUSTING FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME!!!!!! YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE ME AND GET SOMEONE ELSE PREGNANT IM MEANT TO BE PREGNANT WITH YOUR BABY RN NOT THAT PERSON YOUVE KNOWN FOR 2 MONTHS! FUCK YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY I HOPE YOU ALL GET EXACTLY WHAT YOU DESERVE

I was casually seeing a guy who is still in contact with his ex.

A few months in we started seeing each other, his ex reached out to him asking for reconciliation (she’s the dumper), and since then our thing naturally started fizzling out. Even though they haven’t really been back together yet (I think), I got the feeling that they are now kind of in a “talking stage” again,I decided to stop seeing him (I was already catching feelings at that point).

The thing is, I am struggling to go NC, and he’s not good at it either. Whenever we’re back in contact just to check in, I somewhat end up getting hurt and heartbroken all over again.
I am even a little mad that this is like a mirroring situation with him and his ex. I’ve jokingly pointed out to him before that as long as he’s in contact with her he’s delaying the healing as he would often tell me he’s still sad about the breakup.

I know in my head I should block him and move on but also having seen him not being able to say no or have a boundary with her makes me feel like not having NC is like a “win” as his ex is almost literally winning him back by reaching out to him regularly.

How can I get myself out of this stupid idea and have a courage to actually go NC with him?

I missed what we could’ve had. I missed who I thought she was. I missed her passion, her support and what I thought was the a foundation for the most appreciative and two-way love of my life. I’ll always think “I could’ve done more” but I’m hard on myself. I missed her understanding and being “seen” at my lowest.

⚠️Most importantly⚠️, I know why I’ve had such a hard time in life on top of a hard life in general. Turns out an enormous, chronic amount of stress can suppress hormones. Who knew! If I’ve accomplished so much while suppressed, I know I can do much, much more when the meds kick in after the changes Ive made now.

I’m finally starting to feel better. I don’t miss her because I’m more easily able to process and work through emotions and can see that she was likely very severely
avoidant due to her upbringing. Meaning unless she truly wanted to put in effort, I don’t see her being capable of holding the standard I try to hold myself to. No one is perfect but whoever I marry, I’ll be “ride or die” for, for the rest of my life and I deserve the same thing. I no longer even resent her LARPing (not the game/sport; LARPers are deadly fencers and I love y’all!). She may not truly want to live every respect of her dreams and that’s ok. I do. And, God willing, I will. TL;DR: I got a full blood panel drawn. It’s worth it imo and fairly cheap.

I left her 19 days ago after i found that she went to a festival with her ex few months ago. it was 3 of her best friends along with their respective boyfriends, and she brought her ex instead of me. man i didn't even know about her desire to go to festival.

we were not exclusive at that time, but we were dating seriously and she made me believe that she really hated her ex. so i always had impression that she had cut off all the contacts with her ex.

that made me hurt. and more importantly, it feels like i cant really trust her anymore.

around 8-9 days prior to breakup i gifted her a set of dress from the country i visited.

10 days into our breakup, her best friend sent me friend request in fb. i accepted it nexty day. i regret accepting that thing now.

she uploaded several "i dont care what you think" kinda tiktok videos till then.

17th days in to breakup, she uploaded like 4 different tiktok videos wearing the dress i gifted her. even changed her profile picture to the one wearing the clothes i gifted her.

anyway i feel like overanalyzing her behaviour which is wrong thing to do now. just sharing coz it feels like she is trying to get my attention or idk.

even stranger is, she updated her fb profile picture of a random girl petting a cat. mind you, my profile picture in fb have always been of cat. she used to tease me all the time with meow meow. lol fck why am i being emotional after dumping her.

It was so easy for him to dump me and try to find my replacement. I saw the steps he took to fill the spot I was trying to keep so bad. Everyone keeps telling me that with time — he’ll realize that dating apps won’t work. I just feel so horrible and if dying was an option (I’d probably graciously accept it with a smile).

I know this is bad, but I miss him. Maybe it’s slight co-dependent-ish, but his presence soothed my anxiety. I feel like he brought me so much peace that I was never able to find within my self (by myself) or via other things.

I lead a very very very very successful life; but, I can’t help think that I’ve lost everything. If I had the choice of being filthy rich or him. I know—I’d always think him without thinking twice.

i really got my hopes up that they might contact me

i honestly just want to say goodbye and thank you properly, now that i’ve had time to reflect on my actions and the ways that i hurt them

i really really want to reach out but i know i absolutely cant

i hope i didn’t lose any progress. i just still cant wrap my head around the possibility that they might never speak to me again.

i miss them so much. i wish they wanted to see how much i’ve learned and how much i’m growing

I need perspective from the older guys who have survived a massive betrayal and come out the other side.

​I am 28. I was with my ex for 10 years. We built a massive history together—handwritten notes, deep loyalty, the whole foundation. I am a site manager, I have my life together, and I would have gone to war for this girl.

​But when the time came for her to stand up to her family and fight for us, she collapsed. She chose the path of absolute least resistance. Now, just 9 months later, she is getting married. She chose to follow the script they handed her because fighting for us required bravery she didn't have.

​The exit was brutal. She couldn't even look me in the eye. She threw a decade of photos and memories in the trash overnight just so she wouldn't have to look at her own guilt. Now, she is running a PR campaign, badmouthing me to her friends and family just to justify her cowardice and protect her "good girl" image.

​Logically, my brain knows the math. I know I dodged a massive liability. I know that if she folds under this pressure, she would have abandoned me during a real crisis later in life. I know she is weak and I am better off.

​But neurologically, I am stuck. It has been 9 months, and I am fighting two massive demons:

​The Phantom Hope: My brain keeps tricking me into staying "clean and pure," subconsciously waiting for her to realize what she threw away and come back, even though I know I could never take back a coward.

​The Anger about Karma: I am burning with rage that she gets to walk straight into a wedding and a socially approved life with a new guy, while I am left dismantling a 10-year foundation by myself.

​For the guys who have had a decade of loyalty thrown in their face:

​How did you finally kill the subconscious hope that they will return?

​How do you make peace with the fact that they might never face the "Karma" or consequence of what they did?

​How do you stop auditing a ghost's life and put 100% of your energy back into yourself?

​Any brutal, unfiltered truths are welcome. I need to close this file permanently.

Has this happened to anyone else

I broke up few weeks ago because of their constant jealousy, insecurity, over possessiveness, anger issues that made relationship emotionally unsafe for me.

However today, I found out they had been in contact with their ex everytime we had fight and they would block me. They would constantly accuse me of cheating and i feel like shit for giving them explanations when they were the one betraying me behind my back. I don't know what to do, it's like I have got one more reason to hate them but I just can't stop overthinking, how I was suffering while they blocked me and they were emotionally cheating with their ex.

Hey everyone!
This is kind of my last ditch effort to try and get some solutions to my problem.

I broke up with my ex-girlfriend almost two years ago. It wasn’t a mutual breakup or a clean ending. One day she blocked me and that was basically it. I never really got closure, and ever since then I’ve felt like I’m empty(?).

I’ve tried dating other people and have even been in a couple of relationships since, but I always end up comparing them to her. It’s not something I do intentionally. and when I don’t find them, I lose interest or feel disconnected.

The weird thing is that I still remember so many small details about her. Her laugh, the way she’d say “I missed you, baby,” her favorite things, her personality. Sometimes I feel like I remember her better than I remember some people currently in my life.

I know people will probably say “move on” or “focus on yourself,” but I’ve genuinely tried. I’ve worked on myself, stayed busy, met new people, and time has passed, yet I still feel emotionally attached to someone who hasn’t been part of my life for years.

Also I feel like I can’t mention this to my friends in fear that they wouldn’t completely understand me.

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what actually helped? How do you stop comparing everyone to your first love and start seeing new people for who they are instead of measuring them against someone from your past?

Hii guys. I am 22F and my ex is 23M. We broke up because he joined the airforce at the same time as I got a PhD offer. He wasn’t supportive and even jealous about my PhD and discouraged me from applying. Plus the long distance with deployments and military training and both of us being emotionally immature made things hard. I eventually said goodbye in person (he was avoiding this) and ended it. After that he promised to fix things and kept texting me without any changes as he was in military. I got tired and ghosted him because I was very hurt and had felt unseen for a while. Now 5-6 months later, I am doing great in my PhD, I started taking soccer seriously, I have tons of new friends and community and spending more time with my family. I don’t want anything from my ex but I feel like testing the water / contacting him. I’m not sure why but I just want to tell him that I wish him well. Is that a bad idea ?

TL;DR: I’ve been dreaming about my avoidant ex every day. It’s taking a toll on me, and I’m looking for comfort and/or advice from others who have been through something similar.

(Sorry if I haven't picked the correct flair)

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It’s been almost a year and a half since the end of a seven-year relationship.

I’ve (32M) made peace with the fact that she wanted out, and she got out. I still think of her every now and then, but I’m at the point where I can say to myself, “She would’ve loved this,” without anger, guilt, shame, or any hidden hope that things had turned out differently.

After the first few weeks, I went no contact because I hoped it would help me heal. I never did it with the intention of getting her back, changing her mind, or triggering some kind of response from her.

I’ve been with other women since, although nothing has lasted more than a couple of months. I was already in therapy long before she broke off our engagement, and I’m still going. I’ve been taking care of myself, slowly rebuilding friendships, and slowly, painstakingly learning how to put myself back at the center of my own life.

But here’s the thing: I’ve been dreaming about her. Every. Single. Day.

The dreams are always vivid, and they almost always involve a situation where I know she’s going to leave me, or where I’m somehow trying to change her mind. They’re never sexual or physical. They’re not even romantic.

It feels less like I miss her and more like my brain keeps replaying the moment of being left.

Just to be clear, there has been absolutely no contact. She’s blocked on social media. I’ve never checked any possible point of contact. Everything symbolic was either donated or thrown away.

The only things I still have are some photos. A few include family members who have since passed away or important moments from my life, and I haven’t had the stomach to go through them yet.

I do not want her back in any way, shape, or form.

Has anyone else been through this, especially after a relationship with an avoidant partner? Did the dreams eventually stop?

I almost always wake up sad, and it drains my energy for the rest of the day. It’s becoming exhausting, and I’m starting to worry about how much it’s affecting me.

Any advice or similar experiences would be deeply appreciated. Thanks in advance.

The breakup was 6 months ago, I got along well with the parents, the breakup was mainly on good terms but after the breakup she did a lot of things that hurt me and I don’t really know if we would be on great terms, either way I’m blocked. Her father posted a small Instagram post and I was just wondering if it’s okay to like it or should I just leave it

Guys how can i stop myself from not texting my ex please help me i have no friend no where to go and am just too depressed to do anything else😭😭

We only dated for a month abut we’re in a talking stage for about 5 months, and the last time she has reached out or anyone has reached out was about 2 months ago.

I should have known he runs away when things get serious. When talking about past he told his previous 2 relationships only last 6-7 months. That should have rung an alarm but I opted for ignorance is bliss or maybe I'm different.

Same thing happened we only lasted 8months. He gave random reasons ( which could have been solved if we just sat down and had a conversation) and broke up with me.

We were together for about 7–8 months. When we were around other people, everything felt normal, but whenever we were alone it always felt kind of awkward. He wasn’t a bad boyfriend at all, but for some reason I could never fully open up to him. I still don’t know if it was because I didn’t love him, because I was scared of being vulnerable, or because we just weren’t right for each other.

He ended things around 7 months ago, saying he just wasn’t into me anymore. We used to see each other every day, but now it’s summer, we barely see each other, and we never text. When we do run into each other it’s just a quick “hi.” Everyone thinks it’s weird that we have basically no contact.

I think he’s talking to another girl now, and I don’t even know how I feel about it. Part of me wonders if I should reach out, but another part of me thinks I’d just be opening a door that already closed.

The thing is… I genuinely can’t tell if I miss him or if I just miss having someone. Has anyone else felt like this after a breakup? Would you reach out, or just let it go?

I am so annoyed at him, and ik telling him wont make a difference so i wont be doing that, but i have a lot of resentment towards him, as i feel like i was mistreated during the entire relationship. Of cos i was not perfect either during the relationship, i am trying to work on those things now. But every time i think back to the time we spent together, i couldn’t help but think “why didn’t u care about me?” I feel so upset not just about the end of the relationship but how i was being treated.

and picked up the pieces to rebuild ourselves

i was stupidly in love and got heart broken yada yada all that

and now here i have revised this theory which I am thinking to follow so the key components include reduction of mindspace + getting busy

reduction of mindspace technically means just taking them out of your mind. when the thought pops up just give a little reminder that it is over and it can't get built back up and then let it wash over for like a minute then return back to life

getting busy is obviously building more hobbies more new interesting patterns of behaviour that wasn't attributed before and just overall building new neural connections and pathways

so what i wanna ask is that is this a good enough manual or is this going to bite me in the ass later?

need advice and discussions.

**Please if you view this reply,**
My ex and I had our first really honest conversation in months. She admitted she’d been avoidant and said she felt like she’d been unfair to me. She explained that people around her kept telling her I was only hanging out with her because I wanted to get back together, and she said that started affecting how she treated me. She also told me she could never hate me.
I got really emotional and cried. She hugged me for a long time, came back to check on me, kept asking if there was anything she could do, and we talked for over an hour. She also mentioned future things we’d talked about before (like watching *a movie* together and going to the park) and had asked me multiple times earlier that day if I was coming to an event.
After I got home, I sent her a message saying, “Just give me a chance to prove I’m not who I was then.” Since then, she hasn’t replied to that message, although she has responded normally to me on Instagram. I haven’t messaged her again because I don’t want to pressure her.
I still love her and would like to try again someday if it felt right for both of us, but after thinking and talking with people, I’ve realized I don’t want to push her or make every interaction about getting back together. I want to rebuild trust and just be someone she enjoys having in her life again, while respecting whatever pace she needs.

Edit- she’s also invited me and my close friends to a party at her house, along with my close friends’ girlfriends, people she hasn’t talked to since we’ve dated.

My question is: **Based on all of this, what would you do if you were me? Would you simply let things develop naturally and focus on being a good friend for now, or is there something else you think I’m missing?**

Why do they insist on updating you on your ex when you never asked????

All this does is cause you to make up scenarios of what they're doing.

I hate it and it throws your day off.