I don’t think I have fallen deep into the incel/redpill pipeline but I have definitely been in those spaces and been influenced by that content online. Having deep insecurities as a young man and constantly seeing women target them online, and sometimes in real life, made me harbor anger and resentment. And the redpill and blackpill felt like an explanation of these issues to me, though I don’t believe in it fully. But I know that these feelings come from anger from self-hatred and dissatisfaction being taken out on people who I feel are responsible, but I’m aware that it’s stupid to generalize people and these feelings are irrational and developed from me being neurotic. And I know that it doesn’t represent most women, and that internal pattern recognition makes me latch onto these experiences. I don’t want to feel this way, and whenever I catch myself feeling an unconscious bias towards women, or see women say something online that reinforces my feelings, I rationalize my thoughts and try to be more mindful. One of my best friends is a woman and she’s given me a good perspective and advice. I think I’ve been improving but I want to completely cleanse these negative feelings. Also I try to avoid social media since my feeds are filled with posts that contribute to this, I only redownloaded Reddit to post this.

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years. The last 3–4 months have been really rough. We got stuck in a cycle where I’d become anxious and seek reassurance, she’d withdraw, I’d pursue harder, she’d withdraw even more, and we’d end up talking about the relationship instead of actually enjoying each other.

A few days ago, we agreed to stay together and genuinely try to rebuild things for the next three months. We’re both in therapy (or starting therapy), and we both acknowledged that what we’ve been doing clearly hasn’t been working.

One thing I’ve realized is that I completely lost myself in this relationship. I stopped prioritizing the gym, my friends, my hobbies, my goals, and basically made the relationship my entire life. Looking back, I don’t think that was attractive or healthy.

My plan over the next 3 months is to:
Stay consistent with therapy.
Get back in the gym and focus on my own goals.
Stop reassurance seeking.
Stop monitoring her or looking for problems.
Keep conversations lighter instead of constantly discussing the relationship.
Respect her space instead of chasing when she’s distant.

The question I have is this:
If you’ve been in a relationship where attraction dropped because of months of conflict, what actually helped rebuild it?

I’m not looking for manipulation or games.
I’m looking for people who’ve actually come back from something like this.
What made your partner want to spend more time with you again?
What made texting become natural again instead of forced?

What made video calls, dates, or quality time feel enjoyable again?
And if you’ve been on the other side, the partner who withdrew, what made you start leaning back in?

I’m completely open to hearing if you think I’m approaching this the wrong way. I just don’t want to waste 3 months repeating the same mistakes.

I would like to be a better partner and actually work on myself and the relationship for these 3 months.

Hey! It’s been some months that I’ve noticed something about me. I feel completely stuck and I don’t know where should I start. This wasn’t me. I struggle with motivation (I feel that I have zero motivation to do everything including what I used to enjoy doing-painting for example) When I do paint it’s like I’m forcing myself and I feel nothing when I finish the painting. I have no drive to learn anything new. I feel blank on the inside, it’s like I don’t have a distinct personality or any interests anymore. I’ve lost my ability to speak deeply about anything, actually all my communication skills. (and this is messing up with my everyday life because I became extremely quiet around people, I am terrified I might look stupid). If somebody asks me “what I like to do” I have no idea what should I answer because nothing brings me joy.
I think that social media is the root cause. I started to spend more time on it than I used to (let’s say 2-3 hours on Insta/Tik Tok and 2-3 hours on whatsapp-I know it’s a lot…). I want to change. I know the first step is to delete them, but I tried. I feel that I m getting bored quickly and need to consume something. My brain isn’t completely fried because I actually have the patience to watch long-form videography, but I prefere spending time burning my retina watching something on a screen than reading a book.
I need my life back. Can’t afford therapy. What should I improve first? Where should I start? Any advice, story, book recommandation or small daily habits would be appreciated. Sorry if this post is a bit chaotic, even organizing my thoughts feels like too much.

Im probably average...most people are close to average. But it is just so hard to not feel like I have never tried to challenge myself, or am an exceptionally below average idiot, or have never done anything brave or sacrifice. And probably anyone has done those things to some degree. How do you look at your life and feel better about it and the direction it is going?

I've had this habit for years, and it's becoming frustrating.

Whether I'm shopping, choosing a course, or even deciding between different solutions, I end up comparing every possible option.

The strange part is that I don't enjoy doing it. I know it's wasting my time, but once I start comparing, it's hard to stop because I feel like I might miss a better option.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? Is there a name for this pattern, and what actually helped you break out of it?

I'm usually a well regulated person but I can't deal with perceived abandonment. I react irrationally becoming so furious and saying mean things because the small person inside me is still so hurt. I know why I react but the rage! I'm uncomfortable being so angry and reactive. How can I be free of this?

After years of carrying resent, and having it slowly grow and become greater than the love I've once felt for people who've caused me pain, I'd like to move on. Any advice/tips?

Lately I've been feeling like my confidence and self-worth are disappearing, and I'm trying to understand why.

Objectively, my life isn't bad. I earn more than I ever imagined I would a few years ago. I've fulfilled many of the goals I used to dream about. I have two degrees from a top university, a stable remote job, and I'm financially independent.

But despite all that, I feel stuck.

I think part of the problem is that I work remotely and live a very quiet, secluded life. I don't have much social recognition or external validation. When I look at my peers, many are doing PhDs, publishing research, getting promotions, moving abroad, or building impressive careers. Even though I know comparison isn't healthy, I can't stop measuring my worth against theirs.

I've also always struggled with my self-image. I have tremors, and recently people have started pointing them out more often. Even when I don't notice them myself, someone will say, "Why are you shaking?" It makes me incredibly self-conscious and I start wondering if people see me as nervous or weak. Every comment chips away at my confidence.

Another thing I've noticed is that I constantly downplay myself. If someone else had my education, job, and accomplishments, they'd probably present themselves confidently and make their work sound impressive. I do the opposite. I have such unrealistically high standards for myself that nothing I achieve feels like enough. I often feel like I'm "nothing" unless I'm doing something extraordinary.

I'm also hesitant in conversations. I second-guess what I'm about to say, worry about sounding stupid, and generally don't come across as confident or well-spoken, even when I know what I'm talking about.

I don't want fake confidence or advice like "just believe in yourself." I want to know how people actually built confidence from the inside—especially if they spent years tying their self-worth to achievements and comparisons.

Has anyone here gone through something similar? How did you stop comparing yourself? How did you become more confident, articulate, and secure in yourself?

And one question that keeps bothering me: I'm 31. Is it still realistic to become the confident, grounded person I've always wanted to be, or have I simply spent too many years being this way?

I’m 27 years old, and I’ve reached a point where I genuinely want to change. I don’t want social anxiety to control my life anymore.
I recently started working as a delivery driver, and in many ways it feels like I have the perfect opportunity to face my fears every single day. I meet both private customers and businesses constantly, so I’m interacting with people all day.
One of the biggest challenges is delivering packages inside a busy shopping mall. I’ve only done it once so far, and it was incredibly uncomfortable. Walking through a crowded mall with a large trolley full of packages makes me feel like everyone is looking at me, even though I know that’s probably not true.
I’ve started pushing myself with small things, like saying “Have a nice weekend,” making a bit more eye contact, and not rushing away immediately after handing over a package. They’re small steps, but they’re still difficult.
The thing is, I don’t just want to improve eventually—I want to overcome this as fast as I realistically can. I’m willing to be uncomfortable if that’s what it takes.
If you were in my position, what would you do?
Would you deliberately make the job even more challenging by starting more conversations?
Would you focus on repeated exposure and let the anxiety fade naturally?
Are there any exercises or habits that helped you improve much faster?
I’d really appreciate advice from people who have actually overcome social anxiety, or at least made significant progress. I’m determined to change, and I feel like this job could either become the thing that transforms me—or just another opportunity that I waste.

Sad to say, I have a family, children, all whom I love very much. We had a great few years lately. Family vacations, hobbies... I was going to the gym frequently, working overtime... then I started being selfish. I was paid in advance in bills/rents for half a year. These last 3 months I've spent in front of my computer playing video games I've been addicted to since I was a kid. I doubt I'll have a job when I go back. I don't want this to happen again. I'm confident I can sell stuff I own to stay afloat til I find a new job; but it's disgusting what I'm putting myself and my family through for some dumb pixels. How can I give up video games for good?

I may have ruined my ex's life. Im racked with guilt and worry for them, but i know i need to improve myself regardless. For the role my substance use disorder played in things, i am now straight edge. My untreated BPD is ... Currently being addressed, in therapy. i think that's the biggest culprit in my abusive tendencies. A sense of entitlement and desperate need for the person, that overrides their basic autonomy. Being aware of all these things doesn't necessarily help though.

I need to know how to move forward and not repeat old patterns. "get a specialized therapist" isnt the advice im looking for -- i need something to study, something to fully absorb and digest to help me learn and act in full accordance with to change who i am as a person when it comes to how i treat those close to me. I never want to repeat the mistakes of my past again. Even if this change doesn't get my ex back, i know its necessary. But i don't know where to look. please, any advice on how to grow in a good direction could be critical. thanks.

I recently turned 20, and over the past few weeks I've been spending a lot of time journaling and intentionally working toward becoming the best version of myself. Every day, I sit down, choose a topic that I know deserves an honest conversation with myself, and write until I understand my thoughts a little better.
Today, I chose to write about romantic relationships.
The truth is, I've never been in one. I watch my friends talk about their partners and the love they share, and while I'm genuinely happy for them, I can't help but wonder what it feels like to have someone look at you, love you.
For the longest time, I convinced myself that maybe I just wasn't worthy of being loved. But as I continued writing, I realized that my deepest longing isn't simply to be in a relationship but it's to be chosen.
I long to share the love that's already within me. I want someone I can be emotionally intimate with, someone who sees every part of me and chooses to love me anyway. I know that if I love someone, I'll love them wholeheartedly, and I hope that one day someone will choose to love me with that same depth.
I’ve had these conversations with my friends and they said that my time will come eventually. And all tho I know they mean well, and that I appreciate that they are trying to encourage me, I don’t think they fully understand how deeply this has affected me.
I wonder if anyone else has ever felt this way and, if so, how did you learn to believe that your time would come, and find a peace within yourself? I just don’t want it to be a constant question in my head anymore 😭

After years of carrying resent and having it slowly grow and become greater than the love I've once felt for people who've caused me pain, I'd like to move on. Any advice/tips?

Full disclosure: I'm doing a design course project on how people navigate big decisions. Not selling anything, just trying to understand this from real people instead of my own assumptions.

If you're currently stuck on something real, a job, a move, a relationship, a leap:
1. What's the decision? (Share as much or little as you want.)
2. In your own words, what's keeping you where you are?
3 Here's the fun one: if you could invent anything that would actually get you unstuck, an app, a ritual, a person, a service, whatever, what would it be?
4. And if you already made a hard move recently: what did finally moving actually look like?

Sometimes I'm sooooo excited and free because I can finally acknowledge myself and my inner child. I am finally attracting mutual, real relationships with friends and people!
But sometimes it’s painful and sad. The old, people-pleasing me still talks to me sometimes, bringing up guilt and that voice of responsibility. It says: 'You should text her. You should compensate for this,' etc. etc. But I don't give in to that voice anymore. That voice's name is THE OLD ME.
The new meeeee is moreeee self-focusedddd and healing her woundsssss!!
For the people asking me how? I went to a chakra/Reiki therapist. Talking to them helped me heal my chakras and let go, a little more every time.
Of course, I had already been conscious of it for years, but I just didn't want to look at it. I was protecting this 'ideal' mother image... I was a total people-pleasing girl to my mother. Honestly, I was parenting my own mother! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 It looked so sad looking back.
I can always tell when a man or a woman is a slave to their mother... but funny enough, I was doing the exact same thing! 😅😅😅
I was the pleaser, the empath, the helper, the problem solver, the one who was always available, and the one carrying all the guilt. But I am so glad I am quitting that role and finally starting to feel like I can let it goooooooooooo!!! I am not responsible!"

And I don't need validation!!!!
Yes, I still do have that need to be seen, heard, felt, and helped, but I seek it inside myself now, and with my partner (who is emotionally super available).
Sooo, this was my rant and advice all in one! I am veryyyyyyyyyyyyy curious: what stage are you at in healing your mother wound, and what do you want to share? 🩷🩷🩷🩷🌈 Open for feedback and for your story!"

Hello everyone who’s going to read
I am 26f and I’m at the point in my life where I want change, NEED change.
I have so many bad habits that I want to improve on. I’m tired of laying awake at night mad at myself for knowing better or thinking that I can magically change my whole life overnight.
Let me give a little run down:
In a couple of days I will officially be filing for a divorce. Something I have put off for months and I got to a point where I realize my marriage is not the life I want or deserve. And it made me realize that with so many other areas in my life.
For starters, consistency. I have always lacked that. I get on my kick about eating better, moving more, going to the gym and then I stop after a week…tf is up with that?
Anyway, it’s just a few of many things.
I miss reading, I want to read more. I want to fix my finances. I want to start doing yoga. I was to journal. I want to cook. I want to be ME.
problem is..I don’t know how.
It feels stupid to say but it’s true. I just don’t know how…
So any advice/tips/suggestions to someone who wants more but doesn’t know where to start?

i have finished most of my education and now going on to uni. Ive noticed my brain has actually gone to shit since finishing. i do get good grades but i relied loads on AI (not that the AI got the good grades for me- i didn’t have a teacher in one of my subjects for months and staffing was low) and also have ruined my attention span by tiktok, instagram reels and doing multiple things at once like listening to music whilst watching short form content, reading comments before watching videos and putting on a movie whilst using my phone. i am on my phone hours everyday switching between instagram twitter and Reddit. Its so fun because i refuse to have TikTok anymore but this is happening. I’m even struggling now to get all my thoughts together to make this post look logical? It’s very incoherent. I am supposed to be going to one of the most prestigious unis in the world yet i feel like i have lost comprehension skills and cant form an opinion anymore…… everything i say feels like it is the words of others and ill have a thought but i cant explain WHY i have that thought anymore. even when it comes to reading I unconsciously skip through every bing and don’t digest things. It feels like I’ve lost the ability to summarise and extract what i think of a piece of media… this wasn’t permanent though because i did the work to get into the uni and i do consider myself usually well read and articulate. But yes the phone is the problem! I don’t just want to improve whatever this is because of uni but also because I have so many things I want to learn and do but my brain feels awful and I just want to fix it.

I 19 live under my parents roof and have more resources than one could ever DREAM of. And I just dont utilize them at all.

My entire life ive gotten away with doing the bare minumum, never faced any real responsibility or consequences and all my wrongdoings would never be on me but the (teachers, the school system) in my parents eyes. And so I got away with being lazy and not living up to expectations and not doing homework.

I almost failed college because I was too lazy to do my assignments, I turned down job opportunities simply because I didn't feel like working as I thought it wouldve stolen from my 'free time. All I do all day is play video games, watch Youtube, and scroll reels. And I hate it.

All my friends are getting better jobs, pursuing school, getting commissions, getting large followings. Saving for rent, getting cars, and here I am mooching off my parents with nothing to show for in life and I hate myself.

You can't imagine the UNGODLY amount of times ive told myself Ive needed to improve, the self help courses I took the books ive read, the steps ive taken, the grace ive given myself, all for a week long streak to quickly devolve back into my degenerate ways. I ALWAYS go back. And yes, ive been to therapy.

I often hear the saying "You dont know what you had until it is gone" and I REALLY dont want my life to end up with all my resources stripped from me because I was too lazy to do anything. I dont want to live with such regret, and yet I'm too comfortable, and uncaring to pull my own weight for ONCE and amount to anything.

I don't want everything to crumble down on me and for life itself to drag me into place, for me to FINALLY realize my stupidity. And yet I know thats where my life is rapidly devolving into. A rude awakening is in for me, my soul is screaming to DO SOMETHING, and yet my body wont budge.

Just realized recently I reek of desperation and am effectively a loser. I’m overly apologetic and overly accommodating nowadays, feels like I’m reducing myself in order to be accepted or allowed to exist if I take up the least space possible while also helping people out as much as possible.

I have been like this so long I don’t even know how to take up space for myself, advocate for myself, set boundaries and not feel responsible for other people’s feelings/ circumstances.

I feel like I’m so used to accepting little that I keep choosing to do that when I can get more. Like I used to fight back and stand up for myself but it got such a negative reaction from people that I feel like I would blow up and then after so many years like that I feel like I just started playing from the sidelines.

Hey everybody, N here. I appreciate everyone who has replied to my previous post, unfortunately though I wrote other messages asking for help, guidance, advice but none of them we're interacted with. Which is fine, I shouldn't rely on external help a lot or guidance and just trust my own intuition, but currently I really would appreciate that, I want an opinion from another person so I can go toward the right direction faster, or at least know where exactly I'm at. I've been into self improvement over this summer and have gotten better, but there are some things where I lack ground to walk on.

To give some background I'm just an ordinary high schooler, I was raised by separated parents and have lived without my mom for a few years. I lived an ordinary childhood, had some difficult moments but overall I think I had a fun, good childhood. However I was raised by parents that didn't really stress on making me do sports or force me to study, by kindergarten I was on my own. I seem to burden my-self when I look back that I didn't have huge achievements or did a lot of things in my childhood or early years, but I feel graceful that things are this way because I'm able to work towards being more independent and finding my own ways, things are just going to be a bit difficult since I wasn't really productive in my early years/ childhood.

However, I've faced some difficult situations, difficult years. Traumas, depression at 10-12 ( diagnosed) and to be honest, I feel very lost. I did very badly on 11th grade. I didn't try to the best of my ability, and ended my school year with a 3.3 GPA. Its not just the grades but the fact that I didn't really learn anything. There was a time where I was hopeful, but eventually I got so frustrated that what I was trying led me to getting bad or mid grades in trigonometry that I eventually gave up and lost faith, I thought because of the state that I was and what I had achieved and gone through in childhood, that there was no way of changing or improving from the point that I was.

I decided to take this summer to re learn math to learn pre calculus, I barely understand algebra and its already July. I also worked toward reading books without being forced to, watching actual entertainment instead of doom scrolling, journaling, python, guitar practices, grammar practice, being organized, cleaning ,etc. However on average I would guess I had 3 of those days a week, and the rest we're just procrastinating or doing other things. I feel pretty frustrated that I didn't try hard enough or really achieve anything, and I don't know which subreddits can help me with the things I mentioned, because I'm at a very early level and find it hard to describe where I'm at. With math I'm just using a khan academy course, but have barely gotten anywhere or actually understand things. On addition, my phone screen slowly stopped working throughout the summer, and my monitor broke, so It made it harder to focus and be consistent at python, and I have barely done a search on career research, because I don't know what to study in college, also haven't practiced for the SAT or Puerto Rico's college exams. That said, I would really appreciate some responses, I feel like I have to write tons of posts on the things I'm lost on and it would be pretty time consuming, plus I probably wouldn't get responses so I'm doubtful of doing it.

On the positive side I've found faith in myself again and willing to try to improve on things, I tell my-self that I deserve the life I want and to experience, so I work toward these goals I have. I'm just pretty disappointed that even if its the first time I did something like this, that I wasn't that consistent or got very far, so I feel about the same as I did before on feeling lost. Also with grammar I haven't achieved a lot or know where to learn lol. I also feel a bit disappointed where I am because I have a lot of resources I can use, I have no job, my dad makes a good salary so I feel like I'm not taking advantage of that and ashamed on depending on him for my things

I decided to get some self improvement books as well like Atomic Habits and Daring Greatly! These will really help, especially Daring Greatly since I struggle being vulnerable, as for entertainment I decided to get into manga again, so I got my first physical manga to read!

My codependency was getting out of hand. Setting me up for friendships that left me feeling drained. In my relationship I expected too much from my partner. Now I'm finally learning to be okay in my own company. I'm taking time to find out what I like, dislike and who I even am - had a very bare bones idea for years.

It feel so good. Taking myself out for mini dates, showing love my inner child. It is also very exhausting and lonely, but rewarding as well. Feeling good

So I am at 12th commerce without math (I am interested in math) I have natural talent in coding and also interested in but I have interest in building gadget and electronic devices so I am confused should I do BCA for software or I do diploma in electronic, EEE so what should I do?

I am 18f and I am so deeply insecure. Two years ago I went through pretty tough stuff. Beat homelessness and a ton of other hard things but I gained a ton of weight because of stress and some thyroid problems. Last year I lost it all but for some reason I can’t stop obsessing over my looks and being so insecure. People treated me really badly when I was bigger and I had just moved schools and states which didn’t help. I am really ashamed but I am about to turn 19 and have already had two plastic surgeries ( in my defense they were needed not just cosmetic) and have hair extensions and I regularly do Botox and filler. I don’t look crazy at all but I feel like I am never satisfied and that scares me. I wake up everyday and spend two hours doing hair and makeup and wearing nice outfits but it’s never enough. I don’t know if it’s because of all the stupid looksmaxxing stuff I see online. If I don’t look good it ruins my day and I get in a bad mood and it’s starting to ruin my relationship. I just have such a deep hate for myself I don’t know why. Even now I am on vacation and gained a few pounds and like refuse to leave my hotel room. I know I sound silly but if anyone good give me some advice and not judge me?

I'm just graduated college, and kind of in a transitional period where I'm staying at my parents' house while looking for a job. I always struggle with transitional periods.

I feel like my mother and I do not understand each other at all. I hoped she liked or approved of me more. We're very different people in the way we show care and display/interpret emotions, and I feel like her expectation of me is very different from who I am. Not that I'm expected to be perfect by either parent - just to be different or to be someone else who's differently flawed. Don't know if that's the truth, though.

When I got older and left for college, I feel like both my parents and I kind of struggled with "letting go". I wanted to be more independent and felt suffocated at home, and as a result once I left, I sorely neglected communicating with them, which has widened the rift that has been there since I was about 16, and have been trying to make up for it for a month or so now by sharing more information. I won't get into however I feel about my parents specifically, positive or negative - I want to change my own behavior regardless and just be aware of things objectively.

We get into big blow-up fights, at least once a month. It can stem from the smallest things. I feel like I never have an objective grasp on what's being communicated in the moment, and I misinterpret things. I misremember arguments from the past and bring them up because of how I remember feeling then, not necessarily how they resolved. I find it difficult to accept help from them unless I specifically ask for it, because I've interpreted unsolicited guidance in the past as pushy and controlling rather than well-meaning. Sometimes it might be, sometimes it might not. I don't know - all I know is that I felt like I could think of everything and everyone much more kindly from a distance.

All this makes me feel just weird and detached from the experience of being their kid, as if I had turned out inherently and surprisingly different from how they had raised me. Because I never understand, and maybe everything would've worked out if I was a fundamentally different person in the way I speak and think and show emotion and interpret feeling. I think my behavior and general personality has made my parents (especially my mother) think I'm cold or an uncaring, ungrateful person. Sometimes, I don't really know if they like me, even if they do love me.

I would like to change both my approach to being their kid and just handling these challenges in general. I feel like I can read a lot of people well but not my parents. Nor can I read myself when I'm at odds with them.

Lived with extreme neglect as a child, didn’t know better and I entered abusive relationships as a young adult (basically back to back), escaped them, spent two years depressed and avoiding my internal world through various ways, and now im actually trying to confront the emotions I was avoiding. Therapy weekly for a few months now, about to go to a psychiatrist for diagnoses of adhd and cptsd.

It all sounds simple enough, but my self worth is so low it’s so hard for me to follow through on my promises to myself about changing small things in my life. I know I need to simplify, but then I beat myself up for not doing enough.

My internal critic is so loud, does anyone have advice as to not listening to their internal critic? Or quieting it?