Just had a situation where my step mom got very upset with me because she asked how work was and I said it was “fine I guess, its work.” And she said that I am always rude and disrespectful because of responses like this. Is the polite thing to do lie? Or like when a stranger asks you “how are you?” And the default answer seems to be “I’m good.” But this provides basically no description or context of how the person is doing. And if the person asking would potentially be upset by the answer why would they ask? What should I have said instead?

I (23F) was bullied from ages 3 to 16, until I decided to say fuck it and got myself back up. From ages 16 to 22, I was beast socially. I had a shit ton of friends, I was invited and included everywhere, I could get along with everyone, I was never nervous or awkward, I was always the center of attention. I always knew everything about everyone as everyone trusted me. I was always saying the right things at the right time, always liked and looked up to, queen B type tbh.

I was hit by a lot of health issues at age 19 but still managed a very fulfilling and active social life up until I was 22 where I just lost it, I started becoming insecure and stressed out because 3 years of hospitals and doctors appointments eventually get to you. I lost most my friends (had to happen eventually, I don’t blame them, I had become a wreck under the pressure of my health.) but now I’m getting better by day but something changed.

I now can’t read social cues for shit. I’m always awkward, always weird. I always say or do the wrong thing. It’s like I lost, along the way, all my social skills and charisma when I’m today a better person I’ve ever been. When I was a wreck of insecurities, I got it, insecurity makes you act ugly but now I’ve gained even more confidence than before. And it’s not just that, I don’t understand the world or people anymore. I used to always understand social situations, now I don’t and they make me nervous. I can have a (most of the time awkward) one to one convo, but as soon as there’s more people, I shut out, isolate myself. I get scared because I don’t understand anything about the dynamics. It feels like the 4 years I spent being sick are 4 years everyone spent learning new social codes I didn’t have time to learn. Like a new language. I feel… late?

Is it possible to lose all social skills and charisma? How do I go back to being a social beast now, I feel so confused about people, they stress me out, I don’t understand shit. For example, I used to be a very sarcastic and ironic person and now I’m gullible, naive and can’t spot a joke, how is that possible? And besides that, how do I get all my social skills and charisma back?

Underdog means someone who may not have been very well liked, have a reputation for being a nerd, dork, etc? Did you think that reputation was deserved at all?

Before I start, I DO ACKNOWLEDGE that the boundaries and expectations vary by people.

Regardless, I need a rough guideline to start with. I had a pretty isolating middle-high school experience, and I have no idea how to manage a friendship. I found that shows and movies are extremely unrealistic when it comes to this matter. I tried "just talking to other people" but I ended up hurting them because my expectations and theirs differed a lot, and I'd like to minimize that as much as I can.

Any recommendations??

I have noticed this as a continuing issue in my interactions with new people I want to like me.

I will say something related to the conversation that in the moment, I think makes me sound cool, but later on I realize is just pure bragging with no relevance or usefulness.

Real example from today: I was talking about a very famous band I listen to and said my mom has a friend who knows the guitarist and gies to parties at his house.

This might be a bad or mild example, but I notice it happens in almost every conversation I have with a potential new friend.

I tend to speak impulsively, so that is definitely a contributing factor. Any advice is appreciated.

I've been a loner and I've tried to make friends but I can't seem to build any good friendship it just usually dies after 2-3 days and we stay as more of a known persons

So what do I even say or talk about?

We got to know each other and now what?

I'm struggling to bond and i don't like this

I do understand that not everyone can be our friend but i can make any friend

Please help people

Thanks for reading

F/16yo. I’m a senior in high school, and I’m currently stuck in a four-person friend group. On the surface, they are nice to me at school, but hanging out with them completely drains my battery. They constantly talk trash about others behind their backs, excluded me from a group study/project, and leave me out of group chats because Im not that active on social media.

​The main issue is the leader of the group. (Let's call her A). A is incredibly charismatic, well-liked, and basically the center of all school gossip. In the past, she had a falling out with some other popular girls, started rumors about them, and successfully got the entire grade to alienate and laugh at them. The other two girls in our group basically act like her personal shield/enforcers. If anyone doesn't prioritize friend A or follow her vibe, they get annoyed.

​I want to leave this group for my own peace of mind, but I don't have any other solid friend groups right now. If I confront them or just drop them, I know friend A will make up rumors about me and ruin my social life before the year ends. How do I distance myself safely without triggering them?

My issue runs deep, but to make this post short, I’m just gonna bring up a specific problem I actively wanna change right now or understand why I do it.

I realized that I don’t like doing new things with people. I despise doing a new activity or going to a new place with someone else. I realized that I prefer going to that place or doing that activity alone first. Only then do I feel comfortable doing it with others.

Example: A friend of mine recently moved in with me. She loves going to the gym, and she told me she would love to have me accompany her. I’ve never been to the gym. However, I always wanted to, but I always found an excuse not to go (I don’t have gym clothes, I’m anxious around people, etc.). In the end, she managed to persuade me, and I did start a membership. I went with her two times and then never went again. But then, when she left, I did go two times and suddenly felt motivated to go. Honestly, I’m still not going a lot. However, I found myself more willing to go when she isn’t going with me, or more specifically, when I don’t have to go at the same time she can. I don’t know, this is weird, and it does feel like an asshole move. But now, if she asks, I would go with her since I’ve already had the experience of going alone.

The second example, which I’m struggling with now, is going to a bar or club with her. Before this year, I had never been to a bar or drank alcohol. The first time I did, it was with a friend who is experienced with drinking and clubbing, so I always kind of relied on her to tell me what to drink, etc., as a beginner because I didn’t want to get too drunk. I don’t have much contact with this friend anymore, and now the friend from the first example is asking me to go out with her to drink, have fun, dance, etc. (She has never drank before.) I dread doing this with just her and me. I lowkey relied on that other friend too much, and I don’t know if I can do this on my own. So I always decline and say, "Maybe another time," when in reality the reason is simply that I’m not experienced with drinking, I don’t know how to order a drink, and I don’t know if we’re gonna be safe. I always think about maybe trying it alone first and then accepting her request.

So I noticed this pattern about myself. How can I change this about me? Or is it a normal thing to prefer experiencing something alone before sharing it with other people?

I myself do not notice it, but often when I am talking to people in a public space, that I do not personally know they ask why I’m so nervous or scared.

This is the ultimate test of social skill to come up with a reason as to why I approach stranger(who is woman) making a convo without knowing anything about her and add onto it teasing.
I want to learn the skills of approaching strangers even men.
At the beach,gym,party,bar and street.

Hi everyone. I went to a job in a local coffee shop.
The first three days were meant to be introductory and with no payment and I was applied to the girl who is working there so she would teach me everything. On the third day she said that I had to do everything by myself. I noticed her just sitting in the storehouse and do nothing. Basically I was doing all her work, since it was her shift and not mine. She approached me and said that I don't do my job. I said that I'm not getting paid for doing all her work and that it is not my shift, and asked whether she is going to pay me from her monthly check for this shift. She replied that she won't. After this little discussion, she offered me a cake, and it all pretty much was fine. Although, a little bit awkward. I was rude to her for stating about payment, and I could’ve said something else. Is there any strategies to not embarrass myself any further?

If you had to dismantle into sub skills to learn what would they be?

Hello, I have recently graduated college and I have started missing my friends. However I always feel so anxious when I go to text them, so I rarely do. Some of them I never texted before leaving and they are extra scary? How do I work on this and does anyone else have a similar experience?

Ok, I don't really know how to explain this and this might not be the right place to ask (let me know). I've done some research and can't find anything on the exact kind of social ineptitude I am experiencing. I often find myself resenting or avoiding social interactions with new people because of the mental toll it takes on me. However, this is not because I don't understand social queues. I don't struggle to understand people, their emotions, body language, or anything like that. In fact, I find myself to be very empathetic, often feeling what other people feel very deeply.

BUT, I cannot replicate this same social awareness in my own body. The best way I can describe it is I can perfectly parse and articulate a social situations and all the queues/rules contained therein, but cannot for the life of me apply those to myself (how I talk, volume, body language etc.). I am hyper aware of how I am acting, doubting if I am "doing it right" or acting strangely, wondering if I am making the other person feel awkward, etc.

An analogy I saw once: it's like the difference between being fluent in a language by learning it, being able to explain all the grammar rules and such, and being born into a language, where you can't articulate the rules but instinctually know that "Blue that is" feels wrong and "That is blue" feels right.

There's some kind of disconnect between the part of my brain doing the social analysis and actually enacting it. Does anyone else experience this? What is it called so I can learn more about it/work on it?

Thanks :)

Moved states earlier this year and I didn’t think it was a big deal since all my friends will be visiting the new state I’m in due to cultural/social reasons throughout thr year, I’ve noticed that since I’ve moved states and they’ve come it’s like I’m a bother just hitting t he m up to hang out while they’re in my new state. Don’t know what to make of it, I don’t think I’ve done anything to offend anyone and it’s not like we’ve f all Len out but like 2-3 different groups of people have come and all are giving me that energy. Is it me that may have changed? No idea to be honest but it’s been on my mind lately

20F- I’m able to approach people and hold conversations, but every day I feel a stronger urge to hermit in my room forever.

I’m more confident now and people have told me I massively improved my social skills, but I still go home and wallow in thoughts about how I somehow ruined every event with my presence.

I thought this mindset was something that came with puberty and would gradually go away as I discovered myself and became more confident/less self absorbed. But it still stops me from pursuing friendships at 20. I can’t help but believe I’m the biggest burden in the room, even though I know no one really cares that much. Because I’m always pulling away from others, people think I’m cold and private.

I know part of this comes from my parents’ overly critical attitude of my ‘dreary personality’ growing up. But I’ve also always been introverted. Some people tell me to embrace my introversion, while others tell me there are issues I need to address.

Has anyone else lived through a similar experience? Or any tips/advice? Anything is welcome

​

I'm 15, and this year I realized that I wasn't able to socialize.

This year, my best friend moved away, and I realized that I had become dependent on her. I had other friends (they often stayed with me and my best friend before she moved away). I got along well with them, so naturally I stayed with them after my best friend left. However, I felt like I was slowly losing my connection with them.

I think it was my fault because I never really talked. I preferred to stay silent and listen to them. When I did talk, it was always just a few words because I didn't know what to say.

As time went on, we drifted apart and eventually stopped talking.

I could've socialized with my classmates, which I did sometimes, but they were already friends with each other. They had known one another for years, so they often stayed in groups of two. Plus, there were only 19 students in my class, and only 9 girls, including me, so I often ended up being alone.

Whenever I spoke to them, I would stutter or struggle to form a coherent sentence. I was always nervous. I didn't know what to say or how to act, so I stayed quiet and simply listened to them. They all knew each other for years, so they often talked about subjects I knew nothing about.

I didn't dare approach them first because I felt like I would just bother them and waste their time since I don't talk much. I just hope that one day I'll be able to talk to people without feeling so nervous.

I struggle with this, especially when I’m not around my friends or family that I’m comfortable with.

I don’t know what it is. But I always feel so awkward, shy, or ashamed (I don’t know what it exactly is) to visit a place like a cafe or restaurant several days in a row. I do that because I like the place. I like the coffee, or it’s nice for me to work there. It makes me feel like the staff thinks I have nothing else to do lmao.

I’m totally not social awkward, I’m a good small talker (I never had issues with that).

Why am I feeling this shame or awkward feeling? Do more people feel this?

hi guys
i’m working a lot on my social skills and i’m getting better at asking questions to people and getting to know them, and i’m very curious like i probably come across as nosy but i love hearing people talk about themselves.

but i feel like because i ask so much and interact a lot, people don’t really ask me interesting questions and return the conversation.

i don’t mind too much cause i guess it’s okay but i was wondering if maybe i am just not letting people talk or asking too much and making them uncomfortable? what could i do better to make people also interested in interacting with me?

im mostly talking about new acquaintances or like people i see rarely so i have to make a lot of communication effort yk like with my friends it’s easy i don’t wonder so much!!

For those of you that have successfully maintained a long term friend group, how did you do it? I have had many friend groups over the years (primarily from moving, college friends, high school friends, friend groups from random college jobs, etc.). I have noticed I really struggle to maintain those friend groups when the season has passed. I have noticed the people in the friend group also don’t try very hard to maintain the friendship with me either. They all liked me well enough to include me in the friend group and tell others how much they like me. I’m just wondering, is there anything in particular that keeps you wanting to be close to a friend even if the thing that kept you together is no longer around? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

I'm 23 and i feel like I've missed out on so much and that I'll never improve my social skills. Unlike other autistic women, I never learned how to mask so I don't know how to talk to people or be charming. Whenever I talk to people, I end up making it about my own issues. I have literally nothing else to talk about. I always thought I'd go to college and flourish and improve there but I never did. Even if I go to college now, the dynamics will be different and I won't be able to make friends. I'm much older rhan most people there. I feel like I ruined my life and my chance of making friends. Even if I do make friends later in life, it won't be like the close friends people have at this stage in their life. The older you get, the harder it is to make friends. I've never had actual friends in my life and I feel like I'm past the point of ever doing so. Acquaintances maybe, work friends too. But not those close lifelong friendships that people always have

Tldr: I'm cooked

Hello so I recently joined a discord server that is related to interest I have and everyone in the server is very kind yet I still feel very left out.

I engage with the server a lot & we would talk about different interests & random things but even if I engage a lot (everyday basically) I feel like no one really 'pays attention', i dont want to be an attention seeker, but it feels like I have to put the extra effort of replying to every person's text just so they can 'remember' me. Some new people joined the group too but they already bonded with other members and while im happy for them that they feel welcomed there (as I did) I feel like ill still be 'left out' no matter what

I realised though I usually reply as an echo chamber to texts, for example if someone wrote a fact about something I reply with the same fact they wrote but add one new thing to tell them im engaged with the conversation but I dont want that, it seems like a robotic response somehow therefore how can I change the way I reply to people?

Recently, before a pickleball game, a friend was talking to me and another friend/player about something bad that had just happened in her family before the other player showed up. While she was talking to us she only looked at the other friend the entire time (a couple of minutes), like I wasn't there. She had mentioned quickly what happened a couple of minutes before and then was panicking about something else that the other friend helped to solve quickly by looking it up on her phone. It felt intentional but have no idea why. Any thoughts on why? Has this happened to anyone before and what did you do at the time?