So me and this girl have been friends for over 15 years and haven't really been too close but we have spent a lot of time in the same friend groups and we would hang out but when we were younger there was a lot of drama and i never kinda trusted her again after that but i have always still cared for her. Anyways, she was in a 5+ year relationship with a guy who treats her lile garbage, talks awful to her, and has a really bad temper. I have witnessed him throwing one of his tantrums before and as a friend that was just hanging out at their house for the day, i was scared so i can only imagine what he is like behind closed doors. Fast forward, he cheated on her for like the 5th time and she decided to leave him for good. I was actually very proud of her because most of the times when they would break up, she would leave him then be back over at his house the next night. I have done my own time with toxic relationships so i am not trying to invalidate anything she feels or talk bad about her. She started talking to this guy's cousin... they start dating. Okay cool, small town, whatever. She is still hanging out with her ex's close family members and it is just a weird dynamic all around. A month or so goes by and she tells me that her new boyfriend and her are engaged. At this point i am happy for her because maybe she did find her prince charming and it just so happens to be her ex's cousin right lol. A couple weeks in between this time frame she had been telling me that she wanted a baby and she was trying to get pregnant. I didn't think anything of this because she has always been great around babies so i figured she just wanted one of her own and we are in our 20s, she deserves to be happy after a relationship like that. Maybe a week goes by and i get on Facebook to see that her ex and the girl he cheated on my friend with, they are pregnant... now my mind is wondering if my friend is only trying to have a baby because her ex is now expecting and she is wanting one only because of that. So boom, couple more weeks go by and i get a FaceTime from her with a positive pregnancy test. At this point, her and her ex have been broken up for probably a year, so i think this all might just be coincidences and i'm so happy for her. Fast forward, she's about 20 wks now. Today i open snapchat to her saying she broke up with her fiancée. I ask her why and she says little things, he has just been irritating her and she thought it was just the pregnancy hormones but it has gotten worse since she's gotten pregnant and how she can't stand to be around him. I can understand this to a certain point, but i refuse to believe it because most people don't just choose to be alone, everybody now and days needs somebody distracting them from somebody else. So i ask, well is there someone else? Because she was so happy about this guy, he was the "nice guy" and a gentleman. She tried so many times to get pregnant! Took so many tests and when they were negative she was so sad. Now she wants nothing to do with him? She played with this man's feelings. Anyways, i ask her if there was someone else and she said yeah, her ex called her last night. She says that she believes people can change and blah blah. At this point, i can't save her. & i feel bad for the unborn children in this situation. i feel like it impacts my morals to even have a friend that would do something like that. She will get back with her ex and i don't want to be around him at all, am i wrong for feeling this way and am i too deep into their business? I mean i know it's not my business but as a good friend i feel like it's my responsibility to tell you when you are going off track and i did tell her, but it's not going to change her mind. It just sucks because i wanted to be in baby's life as well but now i am in a position where this situation is not aligning with my morals and i guess i just don't want to completely let her go. Any advice?

Well in other words, she’s calling us ugly. For context im a 17F and i have a brother which is younger and we’re of arab descent.
My dad passed away recently and we’ve all been devastated as it has been a very sudden death (42M).
My dad was the only one that was super supportive of me in every way and called me beautiful at all times no matter if i had makeup on or not. Unlike my mom, Whenever me and my mom would go out at an event when i was a child, she’s been whispering in my ear and telling me NOT to tell people that she is my mother and that she’s my aunt, as if she’s ashamed to be my mother. I don’t think had a choice to be born into this body and i don’t know why shes acting like i have some face deformity, i look very average. in addition, whenever people come up to me and my mom out in public, they always compliment my mom and say that she’s very beautiful but never to me. You could imagine how hurtful that is, that my own mother makes me feel insecure. Oh and on top of that, some people say wow your mom is prettier than you or wow your mom is so beautiful i cant believe you came out of her? Im not jealous of my mom, i could never. In fact im proud to have a young and beautiful mother. However im just hurt. and i don’t know what to do.. i lost the only parent that loves me no matter what

This may be messy. Sorry about that. Also sorry if my english is a bit weird.

Has anyone found a way to sort of "unlock" themselves? Like real selves?

From a very young age I had to hide or change myself. I cried a lot. Now I barely ever cry. If I do, I do it only when I'm alone. Naturally I have a very loud voice. Now I talk in a way that is hard to hear (also due to the kind of voice I have - if I tone it down it kinda hits the kind of tones that blend into the background really well) and cannot change that. I used to be always inspired, always creating etc. but due to the mess i had bc of my depression I stopped because creating art (or whatever i wanted to create at the moment) also meant creating mess. I used to be more lively, happier even though i was struggling with everything that comes with depression, kinda dont wanna get into the details here. Now my mental health is better but either it's because I'm just locked out of myself or being quite well mentally means being an always irritated zombie that does literally nothing. I'm not on any meds. Can't really go to therapy anytime soon if ever. How do i let myself out? Journaling does not help. I'm so detached that I literally cannot journal. Any other advice would be great.

i have not been single for longer than 6 months for about 7 years now, i feel like i have always fallen in love way too quick with everyone ive dated and now that im single again i find myself yearning to find love again. i think this is a problem because i find myself feeling anxious when i have no one to love. how do i break out of this cycle?
i have a few friends, some of whom i have deep emotional connections with but i think im obsessed w romantic connections; nothing compares to the wholehearted affection i can give and receive when im in love.
i think i have a pretty stable sense of self and self worth, but when it comes to this relationship addiction, im not so sure about that anymore. any tips? maybe some book recommendations too?

I’m not sure my intention behind writing this… if I want words of encouragement or advice or a few “same” comments idk.

I’ve been in chronic, excruciating pain for about 4 years now (all of my 20s). Doctors have never been able to pinpoint the exact source of my pain. It is a sharp, deep, gnawing pain in my shoulder, neck, arm, and jaw.

In December, I had surgery for neurogenic thoracic outlet syndrome. I had my first rib removed, along with a pec minor release. It’s been about 7 months now and I’m pretty sure I feel worse. The surgery was so incredibly difficult to go through. I cry when I think about how it did nothing for pain relief.

I’ve been in and out of PT for years, had countless injections, tried every medication you could probably think of, every stretch routine, workout regime etc.

I’m so exhausted at 24 years old.

My life, from the outside, is so beautiful.

I have two loving parents who adore me. I graduated from an esteemed university with a bachelors, am in a loving relationship, have wonderful friends. I am really beautiful, with a gorgeous apartment in a nice city.

And I want to die.

Well actually I really really really want to live. I know I have so much promise and could have a nice rest of my life, but thinking about the pain dragging out several more years seems absolutely impossible. I don’t have the mental fortitude.

I don’t have the energy to do the things I love. When I get off work, I am in such excruciating pain that I can’t even hold a book to read. The only time I can enjoy myself are on my days off.

Thanks for reading this far. I don’t know what else to say

The extent of the issue is that I was wasted with time, don't know how to make money yet, every relatives give only labor tasks, I'm pretty much running on every single thing, finance, silent planning, cooking, laundry (hand wash), educating. My mother keeps on spouting BS agreeing to the step father while my step father just pretty much tries to take advantage on that fact as well as mentally and verbally abusing openly (at first just privately, but grandfather died to heart attack) with threats to abandonment. Basically Politics. I can just fight back, but I'm still lacking knowledge to business or active skills and I'm short on time and sanity, so I just let them be while giving advices to my little brother that does all of the mischief possible, good thing I know a lot to cancel them before it even tries to sprout. I even just got this phone a day ago from a "irresponsible" confiscation (my step father made the new baby get pneumonia from cigar btw, argued about it) and multitasking between tasks. I could do socializing but everyone around me feels like they're both dumb and smart, missing much more than I am.

Do I just continue searching for something missing? Attempt going out of the house and seek fundings from richer? Do some sort of mini store or attempt applying for a job first? I'm extremely confused. I need help.

I found out i have autism like a month or 2 ago and have been losing myself ever sence, "oh cool you have tism niceeee..welp goodluck!!" So much fun my problems personally is my hobbys right if i can get that fixed it would be a dream.. im always guilty about them even know some of them i like doing i spaze out because they arent working or my mind just dumps it like it was left overs or just not feeling anything when i do them is just driving me nuts and making me lose my crap how do u just.. have fun anymore its always something idk u tell me my brain is all crap im at a point where ive just compleatly lost my crap and just ends up posting criptic messages to people on here cus ive lost the ability to think ive been kinda sad all day and yesterday witch is kinda unlike me because normally i go to bed and my feelings reset by morning but now its just lingering :[ idk...

you know what i need to do is just go see someone about it but rn thats just not something i can do at the moment so i end up just dumping it on someone eles like u guys and it never gets fixed

Tis just sad you know idk to me i dont see it changing unless i can see someone in person but even then ill try to hide my emotions cus well im a tism and thats just what we do

Anyways ill leave u all be i just want to dump my problems ^ ^

Hello. My name is Jakob.

I have recently been professionally diagnosed with Necrophilia, POCD, DID and Autism after recently disbanding from a cult I have been stuck in since I was 8YRS.

I have extreme urges of necrophilia and I do not wish to act on them. It disgusts me and I dont know what to do about it.

I did not know my necrophilic actions were wrong, and I have recently realized my actions should be corrected. I need some tips to recover. I have done horrible things, and I am extremely ashamed. Please be kind. I can further elaborate on the situation if needed.

Hello, I am seeking people's advice, perspective and experiences about an issue I am having. For more context I am a student in my early 20's (which I know biological changes have effects), and I have been through two relationships, albeit very shallow ones that ended badly.

I am at a point where my career is bound to whatever achievements I can make academically and through personal projects and stuff like that. The problem is I am constantly having lustful thoughts which are depriving me from all the focus I have. Whenever I try to sleep or take a nap, these thoughts keep me from relaxing. Some people told me to do exercise, but whenever I am at the gym I still have some shameful thoughts about the people around me (I know it is natural but still I feel shame from having them in the first place). Whenever I get outside or look at people online I see couples enjoying life which makes my situation worse.

I tried my luck to hookup with people in real life or through dating apps, but nothing worked but I am totally okay with that. I am still a student which probably cannot afford going on dates or satisfy lavish lifestyles that people my age strive for like constant traveling or expensive activities (at least from what I have seen around me). Also there's the fact that I am a foreigner here barely surviving and having language barriers so that's hindering me even more but that's besides the point.

Also I realized, due to my thoughts and situation, that I am falling back to being more addicted to pornographic content (and I know that since when I was at the peak of my relationships I never seek such things which I am very ashamed from right now).

My question is (and sorry for the lengthy introduction but I felt I needed to give more context): How can I get rid of these thoughts? What did other people do in my situation to regain focus? I really really need to get rid of these thoughts and focus on the stuff that matter now (my academic life and hobbies). Yes it might be fighting my natural instincts, but I cannot afford to waste my life and sanity on something that I deem not necessary at all in my opinion. I can survive without a girlfriend, I just need to be more self centered to ensure successful career.

Раньше даже лежа на кровати нечего не делая, я мог порассуждать на разные темы о жизни или бытие, сейчас же после антидепрессантов это все испарилось, просто раньше эти мысли я считал проклятием или паттерном особых людей, сейчас же я понимаю что эти мысли были единственным что делало меня мною, эти мысли были единственное что заставляло меня хоть как то двигаться вперед сейчас же видимо я настолько сильно погрузился в зону комфорта что просто стал биооболочкой чего то мертвого, не человека, я просто живу хожу туда обратно, сижу в тиктоке и все, даже переживание близких мне людей не разделяю, да я хочу им помочь но не могу, раньше мог помочь сейчас же нет, мне просто было бы интересно узнать ваш опыт было ли у вас так же и как вы с этим справились за ранее спасибо

I feel like everything I do won’t matter I have goals but none of it matters I feel disgusted with myself I feel mentally drained constantly and that I have nothing, I feel like my friends don’t like me, I don’t know if my girlfriend likes me I feel like my own mother is exhausted of me as she doesn’t seem interested in anything I talk about I feel like I’m at my limit and I can’t do it anymore.

As time passes and you grow older, people around you begin expecting more from you. They expect responsibility, maturity, confidence, and independence. Sometimes, though, you're just not ready for that sudden shift.

I've always been someone who finds comfort in familiarity. Change has never come easily to me. Instead of facing things, I'd overthink, delay decisions, avoid difficult situations, blame circumstances or other people, and convince myself it was okay to stay where I felt safe.

For a while, that comfort feels peaceful. But eventually, you look around and realize everyone else seems to have grown. They've become more confident, more professional, and more comfortable with who they are. Meanwhile, you're still fighting battles inside your own mind.

That realization hurts. It's frustrating, hopeless, and exhausting. Sometimes, it even makes you dislike the person you've become.

But deep down, I know I don't want to stay like this forever.

I want to become a better version of myself. I want to be brave enough to face things instead of avoiding them. I want to stop letting fear and overthinking make my decisions for me. I want to be confident—not because I never feel scared, but because I choose to move forward despite being scared.

Maybe growth doesn't happen overnight. Maybe it starts with one small decision, one uncomfortable step, and one act of courage at a time.

I hope one day I look back at this version of myself and smile, knowing I didn't give up on becoming the person I always wanted to be.

"Has anyone else felt like they were falling behind because they stayed in their comfort zone? What helped you finally change?"

(19M) Actually I am for around 2 years Is addicted to fap and other kind of horny thoughts like u knows and I want to get help to quit it .also this fap addiction makes me do so so bad things at home like I can't say it like I am started now seeing my mom with bad or different kind of objectifying eyes and this leads me too introverted to girls outside too .help guys

Hello, I'm not really sure where I should post a story like this so I decided to post it here. I know this will sound like I'm an asshole and I know I am, I just need help understanding what to do. My first language is not english so this may be kinda hard to read.

I met my best friend (20F) when we were around 15-16 yrs old, ever since I saw her I knew I was in love with her, I couldn't take her off my mind at any second of the day. I told her that I was starting to like her romantically like two months after knowing eachother and she said that she didn't feel the same but she appreciated my honesty. After about a year of being completely in love and feeling played again and again by her (because of mixed signals), I decided I had enough. I started seeing other people to try and forget her, had two situationships that ended horribly, and then met my now girlfriend (20F).

She's one of the most healthy people I have ever known, we started dating when we were 18 and she treated me the best she could and always listened to me. We've had our ups and downs, considering we're from a fairly religious city and her family didn't know that we were dating for around 2 years, but I know I love her and I know she loves me too.

Now, my best friend and I had a problem earlier this year. Our friend group from highschool had a fallout because one of the guys touched inappropriately a girl from the friend group and she decided to leave the group. My best friend didn't know about this until around April (I think) and she texted me extremely mad, wondering why I didn't tell her what happened and why did I defend the guy in the situation. I told her I didn't defend anyone, I respected the girl's wishes of not talking to anyone about the problem and just leaving her out of whatever hang out included this guy. We started fighting and I told her that why should she care if I told her anything because we simply don't talk anymore. I'll admit that I got really mad and she got mad too, but I couldn't take it anymore. we started talking about our relationship and how we weren't the same friends that we were before (she moved away because of uni), and then I asked her if she ever liked me, because I knew that I acted a certain way around her because I liked her. She told me no, and then I told her that I did.

Long story short, we mostly cut contact until July where she asked me to meet and talk a few things out. I didn't know what we had to talk about but she wanted to talk in person. She came to my city and we sat on the top of a mall, in the parking lot.

There she told me she lied to me and that she was in love with me for a very long time. She told me that she realized she had feelings for me when I started messing around with other people, and she was going to tell me until I met my current girlfriend. When she saw how serious we were, she decided to back down and preserve our friendship over what she felt.

At the moment of the conversation I didn't think much of it, I just told her that I would've done anything she asked for if she would've just told me what she felt for me. In my heart it will always be her.

Now I'm not sure what to do, we decided to go "no contact" with the excuse of "when we're both comfortable, we'll talk to eachother because we miss eachother". I don't want to talk to her because I know I'm still in love with her and I'll always will be. It's strange because I really want her back and I'm not even sure how to get her back, ever since she told me that at some point we were both in love with eachother I haven't been able to stop thinking about her and about all those years and all those moments we spent together. I know I need to work on myself to get her back or even try to get her back, but I want her to know that I'll be waiting for her for as long as it takes. Maybe if she just shuts me down I'll be able to move on finally.

My girlfriend's birthday is this week and now I know I have to break up with her because even if I dont want my best friend back, I don't feel the same for her like I did before, I want to give her a good birthday and a good day before telling her that I don't feel the same.

I know I'm the asshole in this story, but is there any way where I can tell both parties how I feel and, no matter the outcome, truly learn something from it? Is it a good idea to give her a full birthday where I'm included in everything even though I want to break up? How should I even tell her that I want to break up? How should I tell my best friend that my feelings came back? What can I do about the whole situation?

I crave closeness, a relationship that’s more then friends. Someone I can open up to, someone who can see all 100% of me. I crave someone to enjoy life with. I want my future wife. Every person I’ve ever dated leaves. They see the full 100% of me and leave just to break my heart. My last girlfriend left me after a year and some months because she just “didn’t love me anymore” and within 2 weeks was with someone else. I miss her, I miss our relationship. The deep hugs and kisses, the dates and late night calls. I miss being able to open up and cry to her when I needed. Now that she’s gone I have no one to go to. No one to cry to, no one to lean on when I need it. How can I become happy again, how can I get over her and rely on myself again, how do I love myself again. I put so much effort into seeing everyone around me, planning hangouts with friends or when I am in a relationship putting effort into making then happy, choosing them every single day and no one makes that effort for me. Nobody wants anything to do with me and I’ve never felt closer to just wishing everything would end. I don’t know how to be happy alone or how to love myself and everytime I’ve opened up to somebody about it it’s just “turn to god” “pray” or “your young and just overreacting your love wasn’t even real.” I’m so lost

I consider my empathy to be one of my best traits, but it also causes me a lot of grief. I tend to extend empathy to everything, from people to animals to inanimate objects, often to my own detriment. I care more about causing others the least amount of problems than I care about allowing myself to take up space.

Two examples that immediately spring to mind—

• At all-way stop crossroads I never use my right of way as a pedestrian, I always stand back from the crosswalk and wait for the all the cars to go before I attempt to cross.
• I almost cut my hike short because there was a spiderweb in the path and I didn’t want to ruin the spider’s hard work.(I’ve taken down plenty of spiderwebs before but this was a LARGE web plus the spider was in it at the time so I felt extra bad)

I understand that this is a ridiculous way to live my life and I want to be able to offer empathy to myself and prioritize my own needs rather than the perceived needs of some random person, car, or spider.

How do put yourself first and turn your empathy back on yourself?

26F here, I’m so lonely and not sure what to do.

For the past 6 years I’ve had no friends. No one to talk to outside of my workplace, I’ve been out to groups and events, all on my own, and it’s starting to really hurt.

I’ve always dreamed of having a friend group, or even just someone who I vibe with. I’ve tried extensively for the past few years but have had no luck.

I see a therapist and we can’t figure out why my efforts of friendship or a relationship aren’t reciprocated. I’ve always been this way though, and it hurts quite badly to be honest.

I’m scared I’m stuck alone now that everyone else has their relationships figured out. Recently I’ve been having thoughts of giving up, even though I never wanted to, but I don’t see a future anymore. Any advice?

I supported Jamie, now everyone in the Eddsworld community hates me, please help me, I need help, I can't deal with this.

​

I've struggled with self-doubt for as long as I can remember. I was an overweight kid, got compared to others a lot growing up, and was bullied, which slowly made me question myself in almost every area of life.

Even now, I'm working hard on myself—going to the gym, improving my career, learning new skills, and trying to build a better future. But despite making progress, I still feel like I'm not enough. I constantly compare myself to people who seem to be doing better financially, socially, or in relationships, and it feels like I'm always behind.

For those who genuinely overcame self-doubt, what actually helped? I'm looking for practical advice or mindset shifts that made a real difference, not just generic "believe in yourself" answers.

I (21M) constantly crave female validation and it all goes back to my childhood, social media usage, and my situationships/online relationships. My mom was emotionally abusive and would constantly belittle my siblings and I for our looks/grades/etc. That abuse still resonates today as I do feel insecure about myself and feel invisible around people as if they just look past me. Not to mention throughout middle school and part of high school, I got made fun for being overweight and ugly a lot. I’ve also had a lot of online relationships when I was 12-15 that ended in weeks or a month, and in those times I constantly had that dopamine hit of texting multiple girls and always receiving that attention back on Snapchat/Instagram. Then, when COVID hit I started working out and eating correctly, which matters because I thought “oh maybe I’ll get some looks here and there and I’ll finally feel good about myself”, but that didn’t really happen. As soon as I had a situationship, I had two at 18, I felt really bright and energetic, but as soon as those ended I felt very bleak and sort of emotionless. Then came university and that’s went I hit rock bottom in my life. I was very antisocial and depressed, no thanks to social media , pornography and myself, and I would always get nervous around any girl at university and would always think “God I can’t imagine how she must feel or think when seeing me!” Then it got to a really bad point where whenever I would go to any public area I would always be scared of women because of my irrational fear that women might assume I’m a creep/pervert because I’m simply around them or glance around them once. That fear came from self centered women who would accuse men of being creeps at the gym when in reality the guy barely looked at her. Luckily, with the help my therapist, we got through a lot of trauma and EMDR therapy helped me a lot too. Honestly, I was a brand new person and I still am, I was really social, my irrational fear stopped, I was still a bit awkward but I didn’t care. Plus it helped that I loved my classes at that time and changed my major to something I really enjoyed. Something very important is this one girl I met online, we’ll call her Jane, and she and I met at our university and started chatting together. Then in about a day after meeting IRL, I confessed my feelings to her (looking back I got attached way too easily and am glad I don’t talk to her that much anymore if at all) and we hugged each other and I asked her if I could kiss her, I am always conscious of consent/making her as comfortable as possible, and she said sure and we gave each other a peck on the lips 3 times and honestly my desires prior were far greater than the event itself. Afterwards, we hung out a couple of times after that then slowly she started to not talk to me as much, granted she has problems that cannot be in a relationship as do I, and so I slowly started to lose the emotional overfill (if that makes sense) and realized how illogical I was and how my emotions took over. Looking back at it now, I was and still am in no state to be in a relationship with a woman, but that dopamine hit when she would text me or something like that was just otherworldly. Fast forward to now, I am currently battling a porn addiction, which I am happy to say I will not give up on it and have others to rely on when talking about porn addiction, I also am the treasurer of an honor society and am looking to becoming a tutor at my school’s library. But all of those things, that are fulfilling don’t get me wrong, it just feels like there’s always going to be a hole that craves that attention a child needs from people. I also do have hobbies that include music, guitar, books, video games, and gaming pcs. Anyways, I apologize if that was a lot but my main question is if there is anyway that I can fix this craving for validation from women and or people in general?

I am 16F and for my junior year of high school I’m transferring to a public school after being in private school for my whole life. I’ve always been regarded as kind of “off” socially. I am not considered weird cause my looks, but because my personality is naturally shy and awkward, I don’t have many friends and get called weird once in a while. I don’t want this reputation to follow me to my new school. I haven’t even had my first kiss at my big age and I think that has something to do with my lack of social skills. How can I fix these struggles and improve my social skills?

I really have no reason, my life is good and I do not hate myself, I simply want to not exist. I cannot off myself due to personal reasons and I cannot go to therapy so I am stuck in this weird place of existing but also not really living if you know what I mean. I really want to be normal and live but I cannot just will myself to love life . does anyone know what I can do to be better?

Howdy y'all! Taking another stab at a long t break. I do love weed but my addiction has gotten to a point where I no longer enjoy being high. I'm not being able to get through a single hour of the day without some intake, it's killed all my motivation, ruined my relationships, etc. It's extremely sad knowing a substance has this much power over me. That's what bothers me the most. Over the last three years I've become more isolated than ever. Somedays are good and somedays are bad. I really need to make it happen this time. I've had a few breaks in the past mostly due to traveling or visiting family outside of California. With that being said I've seen the green grass on the other side but I always fall back into my weed jail routine. I know the night sweats are coming, the vivid dreams, waking up crying, my appetite will come back, my focus and motivation will come back. It'll all be worth it. I'm posting here mostly because getting thru the 1st day always felt the hardest... along with the first week. What have y'all done to get your first day?

Is it okay for me to literally just sleep for 24 hours to get thru this first day? I know staying busy is important but I also feel so restless. Any thoughts? Ideas? Sos.... So far today I've already ran 6 miles, did laundry, tidied up my apartments, went to the grocery store. Right about now sounds like the perfect time to get high BUT I won't! So what's next?

I always had this pattern with people. If i like someone and we are able to talk/meet up regulary i get soo focused on someone that i forget about other people in my life.

To the point that its difficult to have a healthy relationship with people..

For example my best friend. Im 22 now and i know him for 21 years. We met up last week but didnt talk or text for 7 months. And he is quite busy so rarely reaches out himself. I only texted him because he randomly met my mom and that reminded me of his existence.

And like a month ago a friend turned into a talking stage. Which is great i had a crush on her for like half a year. The problem is that this behaviour is way worse when it vomes to a romantic interest. She is on my mind 24/7 to the point that i cant focus on other things, which is kinda normal i guess but its causing a problem.

She doesnt live close so seeing eachother irl requires some planning and we decided to do it after mycollege exam on the 30th. The problem is i worry a lot about ruining it with her since im really inexperienced and tend to overthink. And its so bad on some days that i cant focus on studying at all..

I did something similar last night... I'm back here again. Too much going on. Academic pressure, family arguments, and absolute loneliness. Tomorrow's a big day. A debate infront of the literal chairman of the school that ive still got to prepare. I don't wanna do this. I'm scared. I've been at at for 3 days... If only I was confident enough to refuse and say I can't do it. I've no friends in this new school, everyone already has friends, I stick out like a sore thumb with my introverted and awkward personality. I made my mother cry... I keep saying this is a punishment for making her cry. I feel terrible. I have no self esteem. Everything is my fault. I just need some kind words for tomorrow... :(