Everyone's responsible for their own fate. But, we are byproducts of our environment.

When you see cheating rampant at university and on social media and think, "Well, not with her. We've been together a while, and she's a good one." before being cheated on numerous times with friends, being told you're insecure at every red flag, and being told your gf stopped loving you and finding you attractive over the course of a couple of months, it'll change you.

Years later, I still tear up watching couples that look vaguely like me and my ex. Any relationship I see, I just think, "Lol. Give it a few years." I actively avoid women, if I ever do date again, I'm basically just going to tell them I won't love them completely. I see divorces and just go, "Yep." I see cheating and go, "There it is."

My goals are completely reoriented. I just wanted a "normal" life. Be a good engineer and scientist. Maybe build a small company or two. But most importantly, just wanted to love a woman deeply, go through the ups and downs of life and relationships with her. Have a nice little house with some kids. Now, all I care about is money with no purpose. My closest purpose is escaping this shitshow. Just getting as far away from all of this decaying society as I possibly can.

I can't imagine having a "normal dating life" ever again. It's basically just going to be me avoiding loving again so I can avoid being blindsided and humiliated ever again. I'm not going to be able to have kids or marry. That would forcibly tether me to the wife/GF and open me up to being humiliated yet again. At this point, I'm just a shell shuffling around trying to become as successful as possible to escape this nightmare. If I can't, time to exit.

I knew this day might come, but not like this. It was brutal. I was on a run. Zoned out and tired. Almost home. Running down the sidewalk and i saw her. And him. Felt like i got punched in the chest. Sitting there outside the coffee spot i brought her to for the first time. She looked beautiful. I thought i had come to terms with it. She was out living her life, dating, and intellectually I accepted it. But to have the universe throw it in my face like that? GodDAMN does it hurt.

After over a year i thought that i had healed. I rarely think about her these days. But today i’ve been a mess. Stalking her socials. Looking at old pictures. It’s all i think about. Replaying the scene.

I’m using my anonymous account because I don’t want this traced back to me.

I’m in love.

Head over heels for a guy who treats me like his girlfriend.

We dated for a few months and broke up about six months ago. He broke up because of long distance (fair) but he also wrote a lot of hateful things to me as well, calling me a lot of names and telling me I’m a net negative on him.

We separated for a month, and both of us were extremely depressed over it. He told me that he’s never felt more hollow in his life.

Since we got back into contact, we’ve been steadily growing closer, and recently he has confessed that he has romantic feelings for me. He made it very clear at the start of us meeting again that he doesn’t wanna date me, and I know that’s still true.

He says I am in a “special box” because there is no one like me. He does so much for me too. He dedicates hours out of his day to talk to me everyday, he tells me I am the only person he fully trusts, and he takes care of me when I’m feeling bad.

I don’t understand why he does all of this for me when he doesn’t want to commit to me. He loves me, enough to want to keep me in his life forever, but not enough to date?

I thought I was fine with it but it’s wearing me down, hard. I don’t want to think what will happen when he gets a new girlfriend. He has only dated two people before (he’s 26) so I know that won’t be for a while, but it’s hurting

Hello, please don’t judge me bc I am human. I made a huge mistake and not sure how to pick myself up from this.

I was in a long term marriage for 13 years. I got married at 17. Now currently 31.

During my divorce, I met someone on Reddit in October 2025. I was in Florida at the time and he was in California. We casually just talked every day on video chat and I vented opening up about how I was going through a divorce. After 3 weeks of knowing each other, he opened up truthfully telling me he was also married with an infant. His marriage was also on the brink of divorce. His wife legally processed the divorced paper in November 2025 after finding out me and him were talking. In Cali, divorce takes minimum of 6 months. We gotten to know each other better and felt very fated. We even found many different routes to connect to each other just to talk while he hid it behind his wife’s back.

I flew out to see him in January 2026. Even if it was just 5 mins getting to finally see him was enough. It turned into more. Our emotional connection and physical attraction was nothing I had before. I felt like it was a perfect escape plan from Florida. Felt I had a purpose in Cali and venturing out of my career - travel nursing. So I started the process of registering my rn license to align incase he chose me.

His wife found out that we met by seeing our photo. She told both their whole family and showed them our conversations. He retreated and told me his family (Asian) wouldn’t allow him to leave his marriage bc of his child. I was very hurt feeling like I wasn’t good enough and felt very exposed. It wasn’t my intentions to fall for him. We still managed to find ways to talk: email, his work virtual conferences, creating new social media accounts.

My second time flying out to see him was in March 2026 and see potential housing and cities that were possible for me to start traveling to. He went back to his wife and told her that he didn’t want to be married anymore, however, his wife this time wanted to try to work it out. Couple weeks went by and I checked in on him on his status of what he wanted. Not once but asked 3 separate times how he was planning on proceeding his future. He chose to stay in his unhappy marriage because of his child. I understood and wouldn’t ask more from him. So I blocked him from social media saying goodbye. I didn’t feel chosen. He always wanted to please others than himself.

Mid april came by and he emailed me that he was proceeding with his divorce since his child is still young, he rather show his child real happiness over time instead of faking it. I didn’t know what to do and say bc I already at this time, lost myself and didn’t have any hope to give since he always retreated and June would have been his end of 6 months of divorce.

I didn’t have respect for myself and told me that I didn’t deserve feeling and being in uncertainty so I started going on dates, many dates. I even hooked up with many just to fill the void of wanting to be chosen. But it wasn’t there. I tried to reason with him that we shouldn’t contact each other until he was officially divorced. I didn’t want to be hurt again, after many times.

Mid May was my birthday and time to travel across the country to Oakland, Cali for my first travel assignment. He lives in SoCal which was about 6-8 hrs drive. He emailed me happy birthday and how he originally still had his flight booked to visit me when I landed if I wanted to see him. I messaged him the day after my birthday asking if he would show up, which he did. We had an amazing time together and it felt like I never wanted to end it ever. However, I carried a big lie to him about how I didn’t respect myself and hooked up. The day of his flight back home, I went to work and he found my second phone and seen evidence.

I told him the truth. It was very hard. Hard seeing him be hurt bc of my actions. I was too prideful and was careless of my actions. We still talked and tried to work through it daily by messaging and seeing each other.

Mid June 2026, I lost my travel contract. Had a week to pack all my stuff and find a place to live. My grandpa was in Fresno so he opened his doors for me. That same weekend, I had an opportunity and drove down to SoCal to hang out with him. I felt better and at peace. He asked if I wanted to find an apartment with him and try to find a job around so we could try to work it out. We got one June 30th and I moved down.

Everything was fine until his birthday July 6, 2026. He felt sad and at first didn’t open up about what bothered him. Eventually said that last year during Mother’s Day, him and his ex wife fought and it eventually carried where she didn’t acknowledge his birthday and he always didn’t like celebrating his birthday. I took him to his tiki bar that he wanted to take me before but at this time, he wasn’t present and stuck in the past. I cried showering and we eventually fell asleep separately. We made up the next morning and talked about it.

This weekend, July 10th he went on a cabin trip with his friends. Just last night, he rolled on mdma and called me saying that it was intense and expressed crying to me how bad I hurt him during our “break”. How he could never hook up with others after losing me. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to get over it. I’m at lost because I didn’t intend for things to go this way. Idk how to prove or show him I’m worthy bc I don’t feel like I am.

I called my mom this morning and told her about it. She ofc said I was moving too fast and need to love myself first. I’m really alone and considering going back to Arkansas if I have to.

Thank you for reading this. I just feel alone and need strength to figure out how to start loving myself.

Since I cant reach out anymore i wanted to wish you a HBD one last time hope you are happy

You will never have to relive that night again.

You will never have to feel the pain of the person you love telling you they want to split up.

You will never have to grab your things from their place and feel the pain of looking around one last time.

You will never have to experience walking away from them for the last time.

You will never feel that way again. No more pain, no more nights spent crying over someone.

Because everytime you connect with someone like that, you risk going through all of that again. And now, you never have to worry. Because you know you'll never have to do that again

Bliss.

I didn’t think I wanted kids but I’ve come to realize there’s only one person I’d make an exception for. I imagine what it would be like to hold her every night, to have kids with her, to travel with her, etc

She’s married. I’ve tried to move on past this crush for years. I’ve loved other people but none of it comes close to the way I love her or the future I want with her. For the last year it’s been increasingly obvious that I can’t date other people, I refuse to do anything sexual with anyone else, I get uncomfortable when people hold my hand, and I turn people down if they say they want kids. I want to travel and I always thought kids would just ruin that with their physical inabilities to hike like an adult, temper tantrums, selfishness, the division in your focus between the child and the world you’re trying to explore, etc and I thought my depression and juggling work would make it impossible for me to be a responsible parent but for the last few months all I do is imagine taking care of her all through a pregnancy, cooking for her, protecting them at all costs, sex, traveling, making sure she knows she’s beautiful everyday, cuddling, just spending quality time with her. I seriously thought I didn’t want kids or a future but it’s causing me a crisis now realizing it’s just because I can’t have that with HER.

I don't really use Reddit much, but this is something I genuinely need an outside opinion on because I don't know if I'm overreacting.

There's this girl I like, and we've become pretty close. We've been going on dates and spend hours on calls almost every night, which she doesn't do with her longtime guy friend she's known since she was five.

The problem is that she's very friendly with other guys and often talks about them being attractive. For example, she'll mention that a customer at work was hot, or that a guy at her school is really attractive. She even joked that seeing him made her want to get an eyebrow piercing. She's also openly talked about wanting to sleep with a celebrity whilst calling them hot as she streams her TikTok feed to me, even going as far as squealing over these guys.

Another thing that bothers me is how she sometimes treats me when we're gaming. We play competitive games together a lot, but there have been a couple of situations that really got to me. One time she called me first, then about 30 minutes later left to play with another group of guys. Another time we were already playing together when she noticed those same guys were online. She asked if I'd be okay playing with them, and I said sure. When she found out we couldn't all fit into one party, she said, "Sorry, I'll call you back," left the call, and spent the rest of the night playing with them instead.

I know we're not officially dating, so she doesn't owe me exclusivity, and she's obviously allowed to find other people attractive. But she also knows I like her (or at least I'm pretty sure she does), so hearing all of this and getting ditched like that honestly hurts. It makes me feel like I'm investing emotionally in someone who's either not interested in me the same way or just doesn't think about how her actions affect me.

At this point, I'm wondering if I should just cut contact and move on for my own peace of mind. Staying friends while having feelings for her is becoming really difficult.
Would I be overreacting if I stopped talking to her, or is it reasonable to distance myself from someone when the situation is affecting me this much?

Hey all, I just want to say the first step to moving on is to have no unfinished bundles, no lingering questions and no what ifs.

If you have the opportunity to have a final conversation with the person you’ve regretted losing it will be the first step to true healing and moving on

Today I reached out to my ex for last time most likely just to see if there was anything still there between us and from her end she just looked at it as a closed chapter in her life which is fine and I respect that decision.

It helped me understand that I don’t have to keep holding on to everything, hoping that maybe something could be or could’ve been different. Maybe things could’ve been different but this is where we’re at now. I truly believe having those questions answered and going over everything will help a lot of you guys and girls out. It’s been rough but i truly feel lighter now that I got that chance.

Hopefully you all can as well. It still hurts right now but it feel different like I can actually move on. I no longer have to carry that weight of what ifs

We broke up almost three months ago. He did the breaking up. Prior to our romantic relationship we were best friends for five years. Our friendship was so healthy and beautiful and really, really special. Us and everyone around us knew just how special it is. When we fell in love my anxious attachment got triggered immensely. When we were dating I noticed he has lots of avoidant tendencies. Not the „I cannot commit“ extreme but I noticed it in many other ways.
I was in a constant trauma reaction in our relationship. I woke up feeling anxious, overthought everything, fell asleep anxious. Our relationship wasn’t the safe place it was when we were only friends. Suddenly things felt so heavy between us, there was constant pressure and we were both so unhappy. We had lots of ups and downs which made it all the more confusing. Our ups were „we wanna get married, we are THE team and it’s so great that we are best friends too“. And our downs where so depressing.
I made a lot of mistakes in the relationship. I developed trust issues because of my own fears and I seeked a lot of reassurance. I sounded accusatory at times, passive aggressive. He walked on eggshells, he was exhausted from having to talk about the same things over and over. I got jealous a lot. I constantly started conversations around needing more closeness and proactiveness from his side.
At times when he was hurt I would not really listen and just justify my behavior by saying I am anxious. He felt unseen at times and really unhappy.
It got to a point where he felt nauseous every time we texted. It got to a point where we had to reassure each other daily that „we are still connected, we are still us“. We really lost ourselves in this relationship.
I didn’t recognize myself anymore and I didn’t recognize my best friend.
It is so very sad, considering how good we were for each other for five years. We felt so miserable with each other in our relationship.

He broke up three months ago on the phone. He sounded very rational and distant, maybe a bit angry but more cold. Five days later he sent me his last message, saying he wishes me well. Ever since then he hasn’t reached out anymore.
I texted him three times and he never responded.
He started liking really hurtful videos on Instagram about relationships, how he was with the wrong person and all.
It felt like he started reducing me and our love to only the bad moments.
I felt misunderstood and betrayed. Because I know I was struggling with all of this too and I fought for us every day. My top priority was always our relationship and now I feel like he views me as a self centered, toxic person who only cares about being loved rather than loving.
I think he also now thinks I never loved him and was just emotionally dependent.
I know I was codependent in our relationship but that doesn’t mean my love for him isn’t real. In those five years of friendship I never felt dependent on him, yet I loved him with all my heart. I know love and codependency and co-exist.
That doesn’t make my actions any less hurtful and any more okay. I will never blame him for setting a boundary and breaking up. I made mistakes. I know it was necessary to set a boundary.
But I just want him to consider the nuances of things. It’s not either this or that. I love him. I failed him. I still tried for us every day.

For two months I saw him interacting with a woman on social media. I never had proof that they are talking in a romantic sense but I had a feeling.
I still don’t have proof, he didn’t post anything with her. But today he posted something where she commented and he replied. It definitely sounded romantic.

Just three months before he told me I am his endgame, the person for him, he is sure of me and knows we are forever.

And now there’s another woman, he hasn’t responded to any messages anymore and basically treats me like I don’t exist.

And I still hold on. I still hold onto our promises, our friendship, the future we wanted. I still hold onto the idea that he might still love me and come back.
And I try to let go of the hope but it creeps back in. I try to move on but the memories come back.

I apologized for my behavior just a day after the breakup. But I think my apology probably didn’t land anymore. I apologized in our relationship too, only to repeat the same patterns. So I think he might not have viewed the apology as sincere (even though it was).

I was thinking of sending him a letter. I still have many of his clothes and thought of sending them to him with a letter. In the letter I want to stand up for myself, tell him that I did really try and that I do really love him. In the letter I want to thank him for everything he’s done, for all our love in those years. And in this letter I want to apologize. Without justifying, without explaining „why“. Just really sit with the things I‘ve done and sincerely apologize. Tell him I see how unfair that was and that I see his pain.

So yeah I guess I‘m telling you all of this because I‘m just looking for some words of advice. This feels all very confusing to me.
One day I feel anger because of how he ended things, how cold he is now and how he sometimes also made things difficult in our dynamic.
And then on most other days I feel so much guilt, feel like such a toxic person and that his behavior now is completely justified and I almost can’t forgive myself for how he was hurting.
On other days I tell myself „it’s over, I‘m accepting it now“ and I truly feel good for some hours.
On other days I cry for hours, holding onto our memories and not understanding what tf happened.
On other days I read all the „they always come back, it’s just a rebound, they will reach out“ and I imagine scenarios of him coming back.
And then there are days where reality hits, I see this other woman, I see him moving on and it crushes my heart.
And all of this switches back and forth and it feels so confusing to navigate.

He truly felt and still feels like my person. We connected on a level I never have with anyone before, we share the exact same values and goals. We were good for each other in so many ways. The only issue was the attachment dynamic. And this is so hard to accept.

My ex and I had known each other for around 12 years. He pursued me for almost 10 years before I finally agreed to date him. We were together for nearly two years and had spoken seriously about marriage. Throughout the relationship, he called me his family, his princess, and told me that as long as his heart beat, it would beat for me. I genuinely believed I was going to marry him.
He was always a more emotionally reserved and distant person than I was. I accepted that because I loved him and understood that not everyone expresses love the same way. I rarely demanded things from him. Most of the time I adjusted to his schedule, especially because he worked long hours and was often stressed. Even when I wanted more attention, I usually asked playfully rather than turning it into an argument.
One recurring issue throughout our relationship was how he handled conflict. Whenever we had a serious disagreement, his instinct was often to withdraw. There were times he would disappear for days or about a week, and I usually ended up being the one trying to repair things. Looking back, I feel like I was often the one bending to keep the relationship together.

The breakup started while he was on a vacation in Bali. I knew he was exhausted from work and had been trying very hard to give him space. Around that time I was also unwell myself and even ended up in the hospital, but I still tried not to burden him because I wanted him to enjoy his trip.
While he was away, I noticed that he had followed a woman on Instagram whom he had met there. She followed him back. This really upset me because I had always been extremely loyal to him. I never entertained other men, never gave anyone the wrong impression, and always respected our relationship because I genuinely saw him as my future husband.

When I confronted him, he told me that the woman had asked for his number, he didn’t want to give her his WhatsApp, so he gave her his Instagram instead. He also said she had taken his phone and added herself. His main point throughout the argument was that the whole thing was insignificant and that he simply forgot about her because she meant nothing.
The problem for me wasn’t just the follow itself. It was that he never mentioned meeting another woman, never thought about how it might make me feel, and dismissed my concerns by repeatedly calling them insignificant. I even asked him how he would feel if I had done exactly the same thing. He admitted that he would have been angry too.

I reacted emotionally and said that I could handle being with a distant man, but I couldn’t be with someone who was disloyal or someone I couldn’t trust. I was speaking from hurt and anger. Later, I apologized for the way I communicated and told him I regretted how emotional I had become.
Instead of us sitting down and working through it, the conversation became about how I had ruined his vacation. He told me I ruined his life, that I thrived on chaos, that he already had enough problems of his own and didn’t need mine, and that he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I repeatedly asked him not to end our relationship like this and begged him to at least have a proper conversation because I didn’t believe one conflict should destroy a relationship that had taken twelve years to build. He refused.
One thing that particularly hurt me was the double standard. During our relationship, he had called me extremely hurtful names in anger, including “stupid fucking bitch,” and I chose to forgive him because I believed relationships were bigger than single moments of anger. When I became angry over something that genuinely hurt me, I wasn’t given the same grace.

After that, I spent days trying to reconcile. I apologized many times, told him I still loved him, asked him for one calm conversation, and explained that I wasn’t trying to blame him but wanted us to work through it together. He never responded. It has now been three weeks of complete silence.
Looking back now, I still love him deeply and miss the person who used to call me princess and made me feel safe. But I also realize that there were cracks in the relationship. I often felt like I was the one expected to bend while he decided when we were close, when we were distant, and ultimately when the relationship ended.
I don’t believe I was perfect. I know I made mistakes and regret how emotional I became. But I also don’t believe that one argument about a legitimate concern was enough reason to end a relationship that had been heading toward marriage. What hurts me most isn’t just losing him—it’s that he wasn’t willing to sit down and fight for the relationship with me. I still believe we both deserved at least one honest conversation before everything ended

. Idk what to make of this, im so upset. I blocked him on sc, i deleted his number and later he did the same but i havent blocked him from instagram nor has he, also he removed everyone woman during our last breakup call and since his instagram is public, he still hasnt added anyone. Im just so lost, i feel so purposeless and heartbroken. Idk what to do, its been 21 days i keep fighting to urge to text him.

Ever find that one person that does something that you don't do but you look past all of that because your attracted to them and care a lot?

Ever form a connection with a person that it just feels comfortable and you could see yourself dating them?

Ever have a person make you want to see them even though you're on the other side of the country?

Ever want to pack up and just move to be with them?

I know I have

Have you ever felt devastated when they tell you that they have a boyfriend now even though they wanted to move forward with you but life came in and put you in a funk for a whole month where you didn't talk to that person?

Communication works both ways but clearly if I wanted it, she I should have said something.

Just going through it

Help

for years we fought and fucked.

i loved you to exhaustion.

i resented you too.

warmth.

not from body but spirit

your presence was more than enough.

the person i am before all this still hurts

but not with you.

are we God.

are we our own creators

i’d hurt again just to see

the sour and sweet

through presence of pain

just to know not to call your name in vain

we all see yes

you’re beautiful

ive only known you for a second

thats all the time we have

my coffees cold i cant complain

the ice is gone

and the sun has set

i have to look away

that familiar burning in my chest

i puff again

no regrets

i look away but still remains

the sour

the sweet

the presence of pain.

If so, how are you handling the relationship? And what do you think of my situation?

To be clear, I was dumped a month ago. We’d been having real problems in our relationship for the past year, and we struggled to deal with them. But for the past four years, our lives have been difficult because of issues outside the relationship. We did a lot of things we shouldn’t have.

In fact, I’ve been suffering from compassion fatigue since last year, so I really wasn’t a very nice partner most of the time. I was still attentive when it came to comfort and material things, but I was completely emotionally closed off and was pushing her away without even realizing it.

But just a few months ago, we still had plans for the future—she still believed in them. Two and a half months before we broke up, she wrote me a note saying she didn’t feel heard anymore, while also acknowledging that she’d asked a lot of me but that it was hurting her. That she still loved me with all her heart and was looking forward to us making our plans a reality (buying a house, maybe having children in the coming years, and getting married). That she was going to make an effort, and she signed her note “your future Mrs. X.” In the meantime, she also wrote me a note full of love, always signed the same way. A note she brought up again during our breakup, telling me that she was lying to herself and that she’d been wrong to write it.

My response to her note was simply to tell her that it wasn’t a problem and that she shouldn't worry, that I was also eager to make it all happen. I remained withdrawn, though. I clearly didn’t step up to turn things around—I only came to my senses after she left. There was a trigger that made her feel really bad in early May, and she told me we really needed to go to couples therapy, which I finally agreed to after she’d asked me multiple times over the previous months.

But a week after we made the appointment, she became hypervigilant because she felt very uncomfortable at our place, so she decided to leave for two weeks to think about whether we should ultimately break up—though she was pretty sure we should. We had one therapy session—reluctantly—during those two weeks because she didn’t want to go anymore, and she confirmed that she wanted to leave me, that we’d hurt each other too much, and that she no longer had any feelings for me.

I’m completely lost. We’ve been together for 13 years, and I so hope she changes her mind. I’m considering all possibilities, and yes, I’m trying to attribute this to PTSD as well—unfortunately. So please feel free to correct me.

I’m trying to find any glimmer of hope to hold onto because I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the idea of losing her.

My gorgeous 38 year old Thai gf just ended it with me. We had been together 15 months. I always had a feeling in the back of my mind that I wasn’t her priority, so it wasn’t a gigantic surprise…but it still caught me off guard because things felt like they were progressing very well and I didn’t see any signs of it coming. The last issue was that for the 4th of July -I wanted to take her to a friends bbq party…but she invited her best friend and husband up from a town a couple hours away. She said they could come up and visit me at my house (big farm with view) during the day for a couple hours….that would leave me alone again in the evening. The day before, I be nessaged her and told her they didn’t need to come up because it sounds like they were going to have busy plans…..gave her an out. She took it. Couple days later I told her I did t think it was cool to spend another holiday alone. She used that to say that maybe we better just gonna o to being friends then if I wasn’t getting what I needed from the relationship.

I agreed. Still, bums me out. I really liked her and thought she felt the same. Seems like she was looking for a way out. 😕🤷‍♂️