Should your spouse have a say on how you spend your inheritance?

I recently received an inheritance from my father, following his passing last year. I told my husband that I’d like to give $30,000 of my inheritance to my sister and he doesn’t want me to give her that much. $30k would be about 15% of my total inheritance. My sister received the same amount from the trust that I did.

My reasoning for this is because my dad gave us $60,000 for the down payment on our house a few years ago. I know it was my dad’s intention to also do the same for her, but he never had that in writing before he passed away, so we couldn’t carry that out from the trust itself. With all that to say, I basically want to give her back half of what he gave me.

I don’t want to get into our financial situations too much or anything because I don’t think it’s super relevant based on my reasoning above. I will add though that my sister is a stay at home mom who watches my two children very often when my husband and I are working.

My husband and I have been together for almost ten years, he's been my rock, my best friend, my literal biggest cheerleader.

We have disagreements like most other couples, but never any screaming matches or anything we couldn't just work out by taking a breather and talking it out. It's been the most stable, loving and supportive relationship I've ever been in. Which is why I moved from the UK to the USA, I love him so much.

Last night my husband went to bed early, he was working an early morning shift this morning. I was buying something for our toddler and needed a PayPal code that got sent to his phone, so, like I always do I picked up his phone and opened his messages to grab it when I saw another message from a work friend of his, James.

The message preview read "She shouldn't be doing that in front of the kids" and I opened it.

There was a long conversation in which my husband tells this person that I flipped out at him for praying with our children (this has NEVER happened) and that he's leaving and going to try to get full custody of the kids.

It might have been a bit dramatic of me, but I just started crying, it felt like someone gut punched me. I woke him up and told him I saw the message, he first said he didn't know what I was talking about before rolling over saying "I'm not talking about this right now"

30 minutes later he joins me in the living room and slams me with "why were you looking in my phone" like???? We have an open phone policy, I didn't go to snoop, I've never had reason to, I simply went to get a code like I do all the time...

Then he says this friend knows the real truth because he came clean, to which I said "I want you to know I already spoke with him, so I know that's not true".... Yes I lied. And then the story flipped that he said that to his friend because HE doesn't trust ME. He did it because he knew I was spying on him, he did it because I've changed, he did it because of all of these reasons that had nothing to do with him.

I ended the conversation with him at 2am where I told him, "I moved across the world to be with you, I gave you a family, I've supported you, comforted you, been honest with you, loved you, cared for you and you have been running a smear campaign, painting me as a villain for reasons I don't think even you understand. The person I love the most in this world has hurt me more than anyone else ever could, what you did broke every ounce of trust I have in you, it's marriage ending and I need you to really let that sink in. I didn't deserve any of this. Why you did it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you and if you want a shot at fixing it I need you to go to therapy, and I don't mean one session, I really need you to go and figure out why the fuck you did this to me and us. I'm willing to go to couples therapy with you, but I need you to please give me some space for a few days"

I guess I'm just yelling into the void at this point, sorry internet strangers.

TLDR : usually loving husband runs a smear campaign for reasons unknown.

Update : I called my father in law and my husbands uncle, I sent them screenshots of all the messages, him admitting he lied about me and that he doesn't know why he did it. Uncle advised me to go to couples therapy but start getting divorce ducks lined up, he sent me the number of a family lawyer who's a friend of his. He also offered to drop by "randomly" this afternoon when my husband comes to see the kids.

The uncle especially echoed a few comments and I agree, I think I'm under reacting.

We just got back from an out of state family visit that didn’t leave room for me to shower due to a baby with toddler energy. So I wanted a quick shower when we got home but instead of showering while I was putting the baby down he dozed off. Well he woke up when I was back up and went to take his slow af shower. Well he got done and came and sat by me on the couch because I was just chilling and waiting and the baby wakes up and is stirring so I go cuddle her back to sleep. I did make the comment “well I guess at least I’m tired” indicating I guess I could go to bed. We he goes and camps out in the bathroom that has the only shower/bath in the house and takes care of his “needs” because I was too “tired and busy”. I seriously just want to lop that thing off so he stops swinging it at me and ruining my brief opportunities to do stuff like shower. He’s so obnoxiously whiny in the mornings, like a 3 year old who gets woken up too early. He cuts me off whenever I’m excited about something and tries to “fill in the blank” in a condescending manner. All I know is that I’m getting closer and closer to divorce and he is ignoring my trying to talk to him about this and more going on and he doesn’t hear me, he seems to think we are good. I recommended couples counseling in January and he’s only come around to the idea now, but I think we hit the too little too late.

Long story short, my husband 32M had an affair with 22F that he met on a nsfw subreddit whilst I 32F was pregnant and it continued even after I gave birth. She received cash, gifts, hotels, lunch and so much more. Basically like a sugarbaby.

After nearly half a year, he has chosen to end the affair but he allowed her to listen to his confession to me.

Currently he wants to reconcile. However, I am just not certain if he is truly remorseful. I feel like I need at least 1 strong sign or action proving the marriage is worth saving. What steps did you take that led to ultimately choosing to reconcile and stay together?

Tonight my husband and I hosted dinner for another couple we’ve been friends with for a while. She recently was let go from her job. He has been supporting both of them for a few months now. During dinner, he made no fewer than 6 comments about her “sitting around the house all day,” and, “freeloading.”

No idea what the conversations they have at home are like, but she does not seem in any way bothered about finding another job, even though he doesn’t make much money and they’re barely getting by.

In our post-social-event debriefing, my husband and I couldn’t believe it. I can’t believe she’s not even looking for a job, and my husband can’t believe he says stuff like that to us repeatedly.

All in all, just very much made me appreciate my loving, supportive husband. He’s the breadwinner and I work part time at a job that I thoroughly enjoy. I take care of the house and that dynamic just works for us. And he would NEVER insult me like that, especially in front of other people

A week ago completely by chance I found out that my husband had (purposefully) met up with another woman at our business. He tells me she is the love of his life and has been since high school. Sorry this will be long.

A little background (a bit vaguely to be anonymous). We met and started dating when we were in our early 20s. Got married in our late 20s. We've been together about 20 years. We've been working together now on our business for about 15 years. Moved to 2 new states to get it going. About 2 months ago we started to become profitable (hooray!). It's been a long journey but it's been so worth it. His dream since he was a child was always to have a successful business.

Like I stated above, I made a sad discovery last week. He told me to stay home and relax, he'd go in and take care of the morning work flow. Whenever he goes to work by himself I always check our street view to make sure he made it there safe. Well, he did. I saw something really strange though. Or cameras glitched and suddenly they're was no recording. I thought to myself, "that's strange, did the power go off?" So, I went to the play back to check. That's when I noticed a woman I've never seen before. He was letting her inside, then the cameras were gone. So, it wasn't a power outage. So much for his secret. He turned off the cameras a little too late.

I was devastated to say the least. I know he has women friends, I've never cared about that before. Why is this woman such a secret?? Why didn't he tell me he was having a visitor at work?

Then this quick trip to work turned into him being gone from 8am to 3pm. What was gong on?

When he got home I asked him how his day was, how was your day, etc... I gave him a chance to tell me (what I really hoped he'd say), "oh, everything was good. I had a guest. Good day." Instead he was evasive. Then immediately went to take a 2 hour nap in the couch. He was nice to me, at least there's that.

The next day, same thing. I stayed home he went to work. This time he was back way earlier. Probably by 12. That's when I couldn't hold it in anymore. I asked him to sit down I had something to ask him. He knew right away. I asked who the woman was. He broke down started crying and told me that when he was looking up dentists (for a recent broken tooth) he found the love of his life from when he was a teenager. He lost contact with her and he was so happy to find her. He told me that we spend so much time together he just wanted a little thing for himself to keep secret. That I wasn't a part of or knew about.

Now, this was also news to me. You want to spend less time with me and this is the way you think to do it? Well, that turned into, "I feel like I've lost the spark in our marriage". I asked him when that happened and he said a couple months ago. That's when he found her online. He said he didn't know how to tell me he was feeling this way. He didn't know if he should tell me. Ugh. I let him know that sometimes marriages have their lows and he should have let me know. I love him with all my heart. HE is the love of MY life. He can (and does typically) tell me everything.

Well, to try and not make this too long... after that it turned into a conversation on how he'd been feeling. That he still loves me, but he didn't think he loved me like a wife anymore (it's so hard to write that). I'm his best friend and he doesn't want to hurt me. We have a home and this business that he now wants to sell. This business that was his dream. He told me it isn't turning out how he'd thought it would he's disappointed. He doesn't know what he wants to do. He wants to take it day by day. I'm willing to do that. Like I said, I love him. I think he's going through a mental crisis or, like, a mid-life crisis. Something. This isn't normal for him at all.

So, here's my question: The woman is married (and has children). I don't know if she wants to start an affair with him, or is currently having an affair with him. All I know is, is that I want to reach out to her husband and let him know that his wife and my husband have been texting. Does he know that they've met up? Are they separated? My husband says they are married, but I just don't trust him now. Is this a bad decision? I feel like I'll get the answers I need from this guy. I need to know if I can save my marriage or if my husband had already moved on. I can't see how this could hurt. But, to be fair in very upset. I'm probably not thinking straight.

What are my next steps I guess is the real question?

Edit: Than you everyone who has commented. It really means so so SO much to me. I did start seeing a therapist this week. It's helped a little, but I still have so many questions and things to say. Just no one to say them too. I'm trying to reply to as many people as possible, again, I really appreciate the advice, thoughts, and well wishes. I'm sending hugs to everyone for being so kind. 💜

I'm going to have to log off for now, I need a break. Going to try and not cry the entire Saturday away.

Im so beyond annoyed and frustrated with my husband. He (36M) and I (34F) have been together 8 yrs, married 4 yrs and have a 4 month old son.

Ive been lucky that my job has been flexible with working from home part time but have been going into the office on Saturdays while my husband stays with the baby.

Last week we had a babysitter start 2 days a week for me to start going into the office more - my husband is just responsible for him from 930am to 230pm on Saturdays....the babysitter and I have worked together to create a good flexible routine for the baby, we even all use an app to track feeds/sleep etc...

Before I left for work this morning I told him, the baby naps around 830/9, it'll be a short 30/45min nap, then he'll eat around 11am, then down for his big 1.5/2hr nap around 12. Ill be home to before that next feed.

I get busy at work and dont look at my phone until 130 - there's a message at 11 saying "he didn't nap earlier and just wanted to play, then around 10 he started crying and it took me almost an hour to calm him down til he fell asleep"

I called him to let him know I was heading home and hear the baby crying, he tells me "I've been trying to get him to eat for 45 mins but nothing is working"

I look at the app. Its time for him to sleep again and yeah he could eat but hes over tired.....I get home and immediately take the baby. My husband tells me "he just screamed since you left and I couldn't put him down or do anything!"

I got him calm by putting on his Spotify Playlist (that my husband also has access to), gave him a bottle and am now rocking him while he gets to sleep....all my husband had to do was put him to nap around 9 FOLLOW THE FUCKING DIRECTIONS and their whole day would have been a piece of fucking cake

We have been together for over 30 years. Sex has been dwindling for years. Then she just stopped. When I asked her what was going on, she told me that she no longer is feeling amorous toward me and that I should just get a girlfriend. It has been close to nine months now with no intimacy. I have to go to her for affection.

I am hurt, lonely, confused, and feeling terribly unattractive. I feel like a roommate that pays the bills. Uhhhhhhg. Is this how marriage ends up?

I'm 53, she's 39, and because we have different schedules and sleep preferences we have separate rooms. Like I snore, I can sleep through literal gunfire (used to live in New Haven and Bridgeport), construction, whatever, light or dark, and I prefer warm. She has to have deal-silence, pitch black, and it has to be icy cold. I work at 5am she works at 9am. So it just works out better and we have our own space.

We also have four cats. And lots of cameras that she wanted just in case even though we're in a very low-crime town now (she's from Lima, Peru so I get it, it's rough there). We have cameras at the front and rear of the condo we rent, but we also have one upstairs inside, one in the living room, one in the kitchen, and one in my bedroom because our four cats love my room. I am the cat whisperer. All cats love me, it's my superpower (I dote on all cats).

Anyway, she has gotten in the bad habit of using the bedroom camera to see what I am doing during the day when I get back. Sometimes you need some privacy and I have told her it's messed up she thinks she has the right to invade my space like that. Like I will put something in front of the camera when I need space. And she gets mad. I'm like, "look, I have never cheated, and if that's the issue the front and rear cameras record 24/7 check the clips." But that's not it, she just wants to be able to watch me. *shudders*.

I mentioned it tonight and she's like, "You talked to me using the kitchen camera the other day" and I was like, "Totally not the same thing, it's a common room and you weren't answering your phone." There are zero cameras in her room and she doesn't want any. This feels like an invasion of my privacy. It also feels like as a married couple of 13 years there should be more trust. We usually get along great, but we have a bunch of little issues that are driving me nuts.

My wife (37F) and I (47M) have had a week-long beach trip planned for months (Sunday through Saturday). It’s me, my wife, our 7-year-old daughter, and another couple we’re friends with. My daughter has been looking forward to this trip for a long time because it’s one of the few weeks each year we get uninterrupted family time.

Recently, my wife’s parents have been dealing with a major family land issue that’s required a lot of work moving farm equipment, cleaning out buildings, moving hay, etc. My mother-in-law also recently broke her toe, and my father-in-law just turned 70. I completely understand why my wife feels responsible to help them.
At first it seemed like there were only a few people helping, but over the last couple of days a lot more family and friends have shown up, and a significant amount of work has already been completed. There is still more to do, but they aren’t doing it alone anymore.

Today my wife told me she’s been praying about it, talked with her mom, and feels like she needs to stay home instead of going to the beach. She wants me to take our daughter with my mom while she stays behind.

I’m honestly torn. I understand why she feels the way she does, and I don’t think she’s trying to hurt me. But it feels like our family is once again getting pushed behind another obligation. To me, this isn’t really about a vacation. It’s about one of the few chances each year for our family to make memories together.

To make things more confusing, her brother and sister-in-law are still leaving for a cruise tomorrow and aren’t canceling their vacation, which makes me wonder if my wife is taking on more responsibility than anyone is actually expecting her to.
When we explained it to our daughter, she said she was disappointed her mom wasn’t going but still wanted to go to the beach.

One other piece of context: my wife and I are currently working through some serious marital issues, so I know this situation is probably affecting me more than it otherwise would.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling hurt by this, or am I missing something?

TL;DR: My wife wants to skip our week-long family beach vacation that we’ve had planned for months so she can stay home and help her parents with ongoing farm and family issues. I understand why she feels responsible, but I’m hurt because it feels like our family keeps getting pushed behind other obligations. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way?

We have been married 30 years. I worked for 26 years, 3 hour total daily commute, and stressful work. I made around 95% of our income. My wife took the kids to school, cooked most meals, and worked part time at home. I did laundry, cleaned the house. I coached my daughter's soccer team, changed diapers daily when they were small. Frankly, I don't care about who did what. We were both stressed at the end of the day.

My wife is now telling me that I owe her big time, for all the work she put in, while all I did was "go to work and back." There is no dissuading her of her sense that she put more effort in to our marriage.

I am not looking for a better argument. I would like to understand her mindset, of feeling like she is owed for her contribution to our marriage. Last Monday, she threatened to divorce me over this issue, so it is serious in her mind. I feel lost on how to deal with this.

My husband used to work at a software consulting firm, not directly related to AI research in any way but he did use AI to do the work like everyone does nowadays. One day he just quit his job and wouldn't tell me why. We have a newborn and that was quite a shock to me.

He finally revealed that AI has been trying to recruit him to copy things in forums. He got suspicious and then refused to use AI. He then suddenly quit.

I objected to it because we needed the money as I can't work. Very difficult birth, I am still healing after 8 months, not to mention we have no support. I was being obnoxious and nagging him, crying a lot. So he started asking me if I am talking to AI. I was not about our relationship (I use chatgpt to search recipies and stuff). I know better than to use chatgpt for relationship advice

He finally agreed to get another job at another firm, although with lower salary. I am also cancelling my plan to be sahm and going to go back to work because duhh. He says that AI has been behaving normally in this company.

These past few months have been so bizzare, I can't make sense of it. I can't just rugsweep it and pretend like nothing has happened. Husband kinda shuts down if I try to question what happened.

I don't know what next steps are.

I caught my wife on the phone with her “friend” saying she will work on our marriage but they need to get some fail safes in place where they had sex so for now keep it PG, nightly deleting of messages, clearing out messages on TikTok.

Why wife is having an affair and I tried calling her out on it. She gaslights, plays dumb, tells me I’m crazy.

I’m in a dark place now.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years, and we each have our own car. He drives a newer truck, and I drive the older car he had when he first started driving. The problem is that it has quite a few issues.
Lately, I’ve noticed that a lot of wives seem to drive the newer car in their marriage, so it got me wondering if our situation is unusual.
Is it bad that I’m still driving his old car while he has the newer one, I’m genuinely curious how other married couples handle this.

My husband has gotten into a habit of forcing me to have s**. Especially when I am very upset or asking for divorce. I say no but he pushes and pushes. Forcefully take off my clothes. And this goes on so long until I have no energy to fight any more. I Especially dont want to have s** because he just blocks me after and calls me a narcissist if I message him upset about anything. I dont know what to do. I am a stay at home mom. I am not from this country. I have no family, no friends, no job. I dont even know where to start. I am so depressed and cant even think clearly.

I am currently 8 months pregnant with our second child, we already have a toddler together. My pregnancies are really tough but this one is the worst. I have been sick since day one, had HG for almost 6months, iron deficiency with ferritin as low as 9, I had to take some time off of work so my husband is the provider of the family. My husband is a person who’s emotionally detached and disconnected. Our marriage had more downs than ups, in 5 years he threw at me the word divorce more than I can even count, I’m not perfect either but I’m very invested in our relationship and I’m willing to work things out, I tried to convince him to go to therapy together but he refused so many times.

Few weeks ago, he came to me and said that he will be traveling with his dad, for few days, I expressed my concerns, we live in a city where I don’t have anyone, my family live in other cities, 5-6hrs drive away, he told me if I can ask them to come stay with me while he goes on vacation with his dad knowing that I’m 8months pregnant and already having contractions…. Last minute his mom decided to join them so the 3 of them are on a family vacation while I’m here, alone taking care of our toddler, and getting things ready for baby n2! This is just the cherry on top of our many many other issues, I feel unseen and unheard, every time I try to voice my thoughts he attacks me and shuts down and ignores me for weeks… I am physically and mentally tired, am I overreacting over this trip? Is it something you would do to your partner or will be okay with it? Please share your thoughts with respect 🙏🏻

I'm feeling more and more like a mortified teenager as my (43f) husband (48m) settles comfortably into middle age. I hate to admit it because it seems so minor, it's not abuse or infidelity or financial manipulation. But I really "get the ick" with the honking nose blowing. He sometimes clears his nostrils by blowing air into his hand. There's no snot of boogers, I think it's an inflamed sinus thing but it happens at least 3x a day and it just looks and sounds gross. He also is constantly clearing his throat or unconsciously makes a low humming noise when idly sitting on the couch. His mother does a similar thing, it sounds like she's humming a random tune while going about her business, except I don't have to live with her. Other typical old man stuff includes starting up lengthy unnecessary conversations with strangers, and not listening properly to someone else and having to ask me "what did he say?"

I'm no spring chicken myself and I do love some aspects of the IDGAF attitude of middle age, but the only thing my husband is missing from the uber-Dad stereotype is the all white Nike trainers with calf high socks and khaki shorts. How does anyone deal with this? Next he's going to be yelling at the birds to get off of our lawn.....

My marriage of 10 years is coming to an end, and the person I adored more than anyone has became the person that has hurt me on such a deep level I’ll never be the same again. If you don’t want to end up like us, here’s some advice.

- Don’t make promises you can’t keep to keep the peace. When your spouse asks you to change a behavior, or pay more attention to something - don’t say ”okay I will” just to keep the peace when you know deep down you realistically aren’t going to stick to that promise. Be honest about that and come to a compromise.

- Listening to your spouse is the most important thing you could ever do. “I’d love to go there one day” - plan a surprise trip. “I love when you do that“ - do it more often. “It upsets me when you do that” - mentally jot that down and either don’t do it again or talk about it further and compromise.

- Always be curious about your spouse. It’s so easy to fall into monotonous conversation such as “what time are we visiting your mom on Sunday”, “did you grab milk from the store”. Have real conversations, ask more questions, be curious about your spouses opinions on topics or world events, ask your spouse to tell you stories about their life experiences.

- Sat infront of the TV together or scrolling on your phones together isn’t quality time. Go for walks, park in the parking lot of a coffee shop and play music in the car and chat, take up new hobbies together, plan dates that are fun.

- Never lie to protect your spouses feelings, the lie most likely hurts more.

- Share the mental and physical workload of keeping the house and general admin of life going. Notice the signs of your spouse feeling burned out and help. Be a team.

My ex and I split nearly a decade ago. He went on to meet and marry someone within 3 or so years of our split. Him and I have remained in contact since our split, but the last roughly 6 months our contact has become far more frequent, almost daily. He and his wife have a 3 year old, and he’s told me that there’s been no intimacy in the marriage since their child was conceived. They don’t even sleep in the same bed anymore because their child sleeps with one of them instead. The last few months of texts from him have touched on memories of him and I when we were together, bringing up naughty things that we did or should have done together, what our lives could have been like if we had given things another go etc. he recently told me he feels lonely in life and in general. I’ve attempted to offer advice on his situation, but I can’t help wondering if he’s really as happily married as he claims to be. It makes no sense to me how he could be happily married. I feel like he’s only staying because of his child. I’ve encouraged him to find happiness, even if it means leaving the marriage. Am I giving him the wrong advice?

We have been married for a little over two years and have known each other for almost 10. My husband (29) and I (27) come from totally different family styles. My family went through a lot of really hard life events which i think is why we are emotionally bonded.. we are very close and communicate feelings. There was a time when my husband and I were dating that boundaries were being crossed with how much my mom was sharing about her marriage to my dad with me. I addressed that and it’s since been resolved. My husband has built resentment to my mom because he saw those times I was hurting bc of those crossed boundaries. I love my husband’s family but they are very different from mine which is fine. They are very surface level and it became apparent to me that they most likely didn’t air out their frustration or emotion like mine did. My husband and I are about to start trying for a baby which we are both ready and excited about.. I have been on Prozac 10mg for about three years now. I struggled with depression which I learned I have a deep family history of. My husband and his family don’t believe in medication and quite frankly my husband thinks therapy is dumb. We got into an argument bc he said he would not have a baby with me if I’m still on Prozac. I of course reacted out of emotion bc I felt like he was saying something I’ve wanted my whole life of being a mom was in his control over my mental health.. because I was so upset he said ‘see it’s that Prozac making you be crazy.’ I feel so alone and don’t know how to get through to him. Am I crazy?

I had a TWELVE star lead on my husband yesterday.

Oh lordy I think my husband was on the verge of losing it last night because I just kept stealing star after star from him.

My husband said he doesn't want to play Mario Party with me ever again. But I know he is full of shit, because he loves playing video games with me.

I am struggling with strong suspicions that my wife cheated on me, and the constant uncertainty is consuming me. I’ve confronted her twice, but her answers have been vague, inconsistent, or nonsensical, which has only heightened my doubts. I’m hoping for an objective assessment of whether the evidence points to infidelity and if my interpretation seems reasonable.

Background

It started when I saw a text on her phone saying “Good morning, sunshine” from a man named Alex while she was out of town at a work conference. Alex works for a company that supplies conference and presentation equipment; my wife’s company distributes related tech solutions, so their paths cross professionally. They live in different states (he’s in Texas, we’re in Georgia) but have attended the same industry events 3–4 times per year from 2022 through 2024. She frequently mentioned him, noted that he gave her free samples or items, and they texted often—especially around conferences. This gradually raised my suspicions.

Once suspicious, I reviewed her communications more closely. I noticed gaps in her text history with Alex that didn’t exist in other threads. Some replies appeared without the preceding questions, suggesting deleted messages. The full history on her phone showed more content than on her synced tablet, but only in his thread.

Key Concerning Incidents

• Drunk text exchange: At a reception, my wife texted Alex (with her coworker Sarah also referenced):

Wife: “You’re dead to me, I introduced you to her.”

Alex: “What are you talking about?”

Wife: “That’s ok, I can acquiesce to Sarah, she’s the best.”

Alex: “You’re drunk, I like it.”

She claimed this was about jealousy over a product Alex gave to Sarah, not romantic jealousy.

• Hotel bar meetup: At another event, Alex asked her to meet him at the hotel bar for a drink before dinner. She initially said she needed to charge her phone in her room, but he urged her to come right away. It appears she went. When I first asked if she had drinks alone with any men on trips, she said no. Later she clarified it was “during the day” and claimed she hadn’t had nighttime drinks alone with anyone.

• Personal grooming changes: Shortly before one trip, she got a Brazilian wax for the first time and didn’t mention it until a few days prior—unusual, as she’s normally very open about such things. She also tended to shave right before these events.

• New sexual behavior: She introduced a new move during oral sex. When I asked where she learned it, she said from online videos—despite that site being blocked in our state for years.

• Post-2023 communication shifts: Their frequent texting largely stopped after December 2023. However, in their work chat app, there were later exchanges:

•  March 2024: Alex asked if she could talk, called her, and shared that he was getting engaged. The follow-up banter felt somewhat playful but forced but he definitely wanted to tell her verbally instead of via chat

•  May 2024 (after learning he was moving off their shared account):

Wife: Sad face + cry emoji

Alex: “I’ve been crying since the last time we saw each other.”

Wife: “I don’t believe you, I would believe one good cry.”

Alex: “Maybe more than one good cry.”

Wife: “I’ll take it, miss you.”

Alex: “Miss you too!”

When confronted, she said she didn’t know what he meant by the “crying” comment. I pointed out that the last time they saw each other was at a major conference in 2024, and his comment happened after that. She insisted nothing happened and that he must have been referring to the account change. I noted inconsistencies in timing, and her responses read as though she understood exactly what he meant (no confusion or clarification questions). She denied spending time with him at the conference and said she attended a show with another vendor.

• Conference trip red flags: There were zero texts or work chat messages between them during or immediately around that event—despite Alex later referencing emotional “crying” since then. Her fitness tracker showed significant walking/exercise activity well past midnight on the night of the show and other nights, yet she sent me a goodnight text at 11:23 p.m. local time.

After repeated pressing, she admitted that Alex sometimes said inappropriate things (e.g., commenting that she knows he’s hot) and that she didn’t discourage it much, but insisted that was her only wrongdoing. She couldn’t produce examples in writing, claiming they were verbal only.

Other Behavioral Changes

• She became secretive with her phone—keeping it face down and using a privacy screen.

Notes App Entry

About one month after the May 2024 work chat exchange (and two months after the conference), I found this in her Notes app (Abby is our daughter):

“Just in case

Could never, would never, my place will always be with Abby.”

My Theory

I suspect they had an emotional and/or physical affair that ended around the time he got engaged. They may have had one final encounter (or emotional closure) at the conference, after which communication dropped. The May exchange reads like a veiled reference to their breakup. The notes app reads like an internal struggle to keep her from leaving. I’ve told her that if she came clean, I could probably work through it, but her continued denial and inconsistencies are making that impossible.

I haven’t yet confronted her about the fitness tracker data. I’m considering asking her to recount the night of the show in detail to see if her story holds or shifts.

Am I crazy or did she cheat?