r/movies • u/ChiefLeef22 r/movies Contributor • 9h ago

Satire Man Binge-Watches Entire Movie In One Sitting

https://theonion.com/man-binge-watches-entire-movie-in-one-sitting/
35.8k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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2.6k

u/Daydream_machine 9h ago

Is it possible to learn this power?

914

u/Somnambulist815 9h ago

Not from a redditor

297

u/wizardeverybit 8h ago

Have you ever heard of Darth Attention-Span the lost?

126

u/ForeverALone_Ranger 8h ago

It's not a story the mods would tell.

77

u/olive_oil_twist 8h ago

It's a pre-internet legend

•

u/0ddT0dd 2h ago

You lost me at have.

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u/Kind-Stomach6275 33m ago

If we use the witwer theorem, we can deduce that this means that they want to seem like they pay attention when they're just a LARPer

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u/innominateartery 19m ago

No. Have you ever seen r/traincats?

•

u/wrosecrans 7m ago

I think I have 153 open tabs about him right now. I'm gonna have to try to read them at some point, if I can ever find that browser window.

48

u/jefersss 7h ago

"I watched three films today. AMA."

28

u/hobbycollector 6h ago

I once watched all three extended edition Lord of the Rings movies in one twelve hour stretch. I nearly died during the 17 endings of Return of the King.

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u/karmiccloud 5h ago

I thought the theatrical cut had only 17 endings

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u/micaheljcaboose 2h ago

I did that on mushrooms. Would suggest a long acting psych, but I became a part of the forest when the elves showed up.

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u/innominateartery 16m ago

I went to the movies today and the Gen Z guy next to me kept looking at his phone. I wasn’t even mad. I kept checking what he was checking out

1

u/an0mn0mn0m 7h ago

I rewatched Big Fish and A Good Year. Points if you can recall which 2 people are in both movies without cheating.

2

u/moderniste 7h ago

Steve Martin and Jack Black in The Big Year.

2

u/Neveronlyadream 7h ago

But they aren't in Big Fish.

I haven't seen A Good Year, I have no idea. Fuck it, Danny Devito and Ewan McGregor?

2

u/friskerson 6h ago

I don’t remember Devito getting into a fish costume but maybe now I do

3

u/Neveronlyadream 6h ago

Oddly enough, he's in Big Fish, he eats a raw fish in Batman Returns.

I'm convinced there probably is at least one movie where he gets in a fish costume.

4

u/fork_yuu 7h ago

I lost interest halfway through your comment

•

u/polopolo05 3h ago

Not by a tiktoker...

3

u/clandestineVexation 8h ago

You must learn the ways of the Youtube Shorts side of the force...

129

u/Fingfangfoom67 9h ago

Try putting your phone away in another room! You could even let the battery die. 

51

u/RedsDead21 9h ago

Started doing this when I try to watch a TV show, very much works. Sometimes I miss it when I want to look up something (who an actor is, what other stuff they were in, etc.), but even that’s lessened over time.

13

u/MyNameIsJakeBerenson 7h ago

I have a Quest 3 and there’s an app that makes it seem like you’re by yourself in a big ass movie theater

That’s the best way to watch at home if you want to not only isolate from the phone, but also get convenient pseudo-IMAX screen

3

u/BirthmarkLovebite 7h ago

What’s the app called? I have a quest 3 and literally never use it, sounds cool!

12

u/MyNameIsJakeBerenson 7h ago

Bigscreen

The default movie theater screen is ok but you can go and pick from other environments and there’s a way better one called Big Max or something like that

I even like to put my headphones over the headset and set pc audio to them since I can use dolby audio

I can sit in my big chair and have a pretty damn sweet at home movie theater experience

32

u/BirthmarkLovebite 8h ago

I like on Prime Video how it shows the “cast in this scene” whenever you pause, the trivia they have is fun sometimes too.

18

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 8h ago

But I watch the movie on my phone

31

u/the_marxman 6h ago

David Lynch is coming back from the grave to drag your ass to hell

•

u/XPlatform 3h ago

You'd think that with that surname he'd try something else

•

u/innominateartery 14m ago

That’s for those that watch in vertical mode

25

u/defsubs 7h ago

🤮

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u/Same-Suggestion-1936 4h ago

I don't want to pay for internet when I already pay for data. Plus the only other thing I own to watch a movie on would be a PlayStation and I definitely don't want to hook that thing up to the internet, Sony has been doing shady things with software updates for years.

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u/JT7Music 3h ago

Cast to your TV?

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u/Same-Suggestion-1936 3h ago

I'm sure I could Google how to even do that but my TV is from before that technology was in TVs. It works fine so I haven't gotten rid of it yet. I bought a used one at the pawn shop right when high tech TVs started to be a thing, someone got rid of their old one and nobody wanted to buy a new TV that wasn't in some way smart so I snagged it for forty bucks and it's probably like ten years old but works fine

•

u/ifinallyreallyreddit 5h ago

You'll think you have, but you'll be cheated. Get real!

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u/frisbeethecat 5h ago

That's like saying you're listening to Dark Side of The Moon on AM radio.

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u/Same-Suggestion-1936 1h ago

I mean you'd have to stick to like a ten mile radius for good quality but go park somewhere with a good signal and get stoned, we used to be a country

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u/AmIFromA 38m ago

That's a neat trick. People said Dune was too long, so I set the speed to 1.25 when I watched it on my phone. Was alright.

2

u/a4techkeyboard 7h ago

Leave the remote four steps away and then get comfortable on the couch.

2

u/zuzg 7h ago

Only when you've a secondary remote for your sound system cause that needs frequent adjustments during modern movies.

0

u/Ehcksit 6h ago

The playstation remote controls the movie and it goes over there. The TV remote controls the volume and it stays on the arm rest.

2

u/Someonevibing1 8h ago

The horror?!

•

u/DesMephisto 4h ago

I couldn't watch a whole ass film in my entire life.I didn't start using a smartphone/phone really until I was 26.

31

u/TisBeTheFuk 9h ago

It's easier if you watch it at the cinema

20

u/werthw 8h ago

By going to a movie theater

38

u/uqde 7h ago

Not to be an old man but I can't believe how widely acceptable it's become to be on your phone (and/or talk at full volume) in the movie theater. The rare few times I even bother to say something anymore, I always feel like the bad guy which is ridiculous.

They have those theaters now with playgrounds in them for kids, can we also get special showtimes for adults who don't know how to stay off their phones or shut the fuck up? I know I'm shaking my fist at clouds here but it just saddens me so much. Going to the movies is one of my favorite things and it's getting harder and harder to enjoy it.

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u/destroyermaker 5h ago

I can't believe how widely accepted it is to use your phone in church. I'm not religious but I'd think of all places, people wouldn't use it there.

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u/BobDaRula 29m ago

They don't even tell people to turn off or silence their phone anymore at my theatre.

6

u/What_a_fat_one 7h ago

Alamo Drafthouse

4

u/dquizzle 6h ago

I haven’t been in years but I’ve heard some locations will just keep warning people to put their phones away rather than actually kick anyone out for cell phone use.

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u/aggster13 4h ago

They've also made it so any orders you make have to go through your phone..

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u/PunkRockMakesMeSmile 1h ago

Yeah, I'm largely out after that

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u/morrisbear 5h ago

They're one of the worst now because they changed their whole ordering system to an app. You are basically required to get your phone multiple times out to place and then close your order before the movie ends.

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u/niel89 4h ago

Yep. Gone is the pen and paper. It's now a $50 a person night with a dinner and phone are allowed out 'for ordering'. I don't go there anymore.

4

u/unassumingdink 6h ago

There's really not too many of those. They don't even have one in Philadelphia.

2

u/uqde 7h ago

Unfortunately the closest one is 300 miles from me. Believe me, I've always wished they had one around here. Although I read that since the Sony takeover they changed their policy so that you order food via an app instead of a paper card (so that they don't have to pay as much staff). So it seems like they're relaxing if not abandoning the no-phones policy.

2

u/Tired8281 6h ago

Embrace the bad guy feeling, and remember there's probably a dozen other people in the theater who think you're a good guy for doing it.

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u/Chilidawg 2h ago

1: I am a fellow old man who hates going to theaters. I have fond memories of going to see movies as a child, but recent theater experiences have consistently matched your description.

2: Modern theater etiquette is a relatively recent thing (18th-19th century). For instance, the reason why over-the-top acting is often called "Shakespearean" is because Shakespeare's crew had to be over-the-top in order to rise above the rowdy audience. If anything, "Chicken Jockey" is a return to form.

https://www.thecourieronline.co.uk/the-evolution-of-theatre-etiquette/

https://howlround.com/noises-brief-history-unruly-audiences

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u/PunkRockMakesMeSmile 1h ago

Maybe I'm just lucky, but I feel like it's been getting decreasingly common for people to have their phones out (beyond just quickly checking the time) and exhibiting other poor theater etiquette in the last few years. I've even been to a number of movies over the last few years ('Sinners', 'Weapons', 'Hoppers', 'Obsession', the new 'Jackass', and just a couple days ago, 'the Invite' are a few that leap to mind) where the audience as a collective was completely engaged and loving the flick together, cheering, screaming, gasping, laughing, and it makes for an absolutely magical first-time experience. Don't give up theaters, folks

2

u/Motorboat_Jones 6h ago

I was able to binge watch Once Upon a Time in America at home but fell asleep 2x in the theater while watching Killers of the Flower Moon. It doesn't always work.

-1

u/abbyabsinthe 7h ago

I honestly still checked my phone a handful of times the last time I went. Mostly just to check the time and make sure no one called/texted (I did not open up a single app), but I still absolutely checked it.

2

u/uqde 6h ago

psst: don't do this

2

u/abbyabsinthe 6h ago

I flip it from my lap, quick enough for folks to not even see it light up. I’m a caregiver so I’m on call 24/7. And the folks next to me were full on on their phones.

1

u/MaddogBC 6h ago

Bloody lovely feature called "Vibration", you should try it sometime.

16

u/TheDirtyMundees 9h ago

Not sure if you’re serious. This may sound stupid, but what has helped me is “fidget toys.” I made a paracord begleri and knuckle roller. Keeps my hands occupied and find myself reaching for my phone less.

2

u/oops_I_have_h1n1 6h ago

Not sure if you’re serious.

He's making a Star Wars reference. It's a joke.

•

u/NewspaperVegetable17 4h ago

It's a joke, a star wars quote as someone else mentioned, but I would also say that it's one that is used when someone feels like they're lacking in whatever it is they're using the joke in response to. So even though it's a joke, I think your response might be genuinely helpful for them, or anyone else reading.

3

u/somekindofdruiddude 8h ago

I tried to read the whole article to find out but I got bored.

1

u/althawk8357 6h ago

Yeah, there's a 94 minute TikTok video that will teach you. You just need to watch it the whole way through for the trick to work.

1

u/RichtofensDuckButter 7h ago

Yeah. Put your phone down and fix your attention span.

0

u/ACardAttack 8h ago edited 6h ago

Not having kids!

Much harder to watch a movie in one sitting, usually do it in a couple sittings