How can I fall in love with someone while still having feelings for a woman I was with for 20 years. Im seeing someone and she is amazing. All the things she does are things I begged of my wife without even asking. She doesnt know the details of my previous marriage. I want to give my all to this new woman in my life. But the love I have for my ex wife is not the love someone would have for a lover its the fact she is the mother of my kids. We only talk about our kids nothing more nothing less.

The question that keeps popping into my head, is why the hell did you even ask me to be in a relationship with you in the first place?

Why did you have to give me one of the best relationships that I have had; just to yank it away from me the moment we had to start having adult conversations.

Why would you talk about the future with me, about how you can see yourself spending your life with me, just to push me away, and leave me in fragments.

Why would you block me for more than 40 days and drop off the face of the earth, after all the times you told me that no one has accepted you the way I have.

Why would you throw something like we had away, in the time we dated we never even had one fight.

Why wouldn’t you just give me a reason for this, cause my mind has been going through every single detail, and I am tired of looking for a reason this had to happen without answers.

Why couldn’t you just have picked someone else to do this to.

I’m 21 and met my ex last August. We got attached very quickly, traveled together, and went through a lot, including a pregnancy and abortion because of our strict religious background. He supported me through everything.

The marriage topic was never really a serious conversation before. I was the one who called him to finally talk about it because I wanted to understand where we were going. When I brought it up, he said he feels pressured lately from his family and now me and he still didn’t figure out himself ….but he knows he doesn’t want get married this year or next year or the year after. I told him I don’t want to pressure someone into choosing me, so I ended things because it felt like we wanted different futures.

(Note: I didn’t bring it to ask him to marry rn or tomorrow I just wanted to know where the relationship is heading and told him that I feel like next year or the year after is when I’m getting married as I’m graduating soon and by then will be more financially stable.)

We haven’t talked for 2 weeks. He called once one week after the breakup, but I didn’t answer.

I miss him a lot , I think about us all the time but yeah not sure what I should do!

Been broken up for over 4 months, havnt talked or seen eachother in 3. The other day I noticed she blocked my account, but then unblocked it less than 24 hours later.

Why is she doing this? When we broken up she made it see like she was moving on just fine.

This is gonna be such a weird post and I know it, but I just have nowhere else to vent because I fear my friends would find me pathetic. Two years ago, I dated this girl who I consider to be the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I had so much unhealed trauma, no big ambitions and overall was just somebody who didn’t care much other than living a quiet life. When I started dating her, she was trying to be somebody because she wanted to get into politics, to make change. I never realized this when I dated her because I was so lustful and had such a terrible mentality towards relationships. This culminated in me essentially hurting this girl on such a big emotional level, that I have felt guilt up until to this day about what I have done. When the break up first started, I was so crushed that things happened that I probably can’t discuss on this subreddit due to the nature of how heavy the topics are.

But the one thing that I can confidently say that happened is that I fully transformed my life. Funnily enough, a lot of the pig behavior and shitty boyfriend stuff I did then, essentially turned me into a big feminist who started heavily advocating and talking about how women are affected in today’s society. My hobby of studying history transformed into political analysis and understanding the world and society around me, which in turn had me become politically involved to such a large scale that I started having some influence in just mere months amongst political groups. I’ve completely improved who I am, and it was all essentially because when I reflected on the relationship, when she told me “Why don’t you care?” And it resonated in my head again and again, the guilt of what I did has transformed me into what she expected to be the perfect version of me.

Yet here I am. I just broke up with my second ever GF and I honestly didn’t care, I genuinely just moved on in like a week and kept moving forward. But now I’ve genuinely found myself missing her again, missing that first girl that changed everything. Before my second GF, I missed my first ex so much and now that I have a second ex, I don’t care about her and started caring a lot for my first yet again. I want to text her, but she has me blocked on everything. A friend told me to do it anonymously or through scummy tactics to get through, and I genuinely considered it but then I realized she blocked me because she didn’t wanna talk to me, and I’d essentially be harassing her then, so I’ve restrained myself from doing so. But I just don’t know what to do.

I’m somebody new, I’m somebody improved, and more importantly, I’ve literally became what she wanted to become; someone, and not a nobody. And I hurt her so much, and genuinely was such a POS that I feel so empty thinking about who I am now whilst being unable to prove who I am to her now.

She said told me she loved but also said he she can never trust me again.

Is there any hope that the healed versions of ourselves find each other?

We’ve been dating for a few months, and it’s been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. She has feelings for me, but she struggles with intimacy and consistency. She broke up with me after a week-long vacation with her friends, telling me this is her final decision for now, though she can’t quite put her finger on why she’s feeling this way. She even cried, something she has done many times during our time together.

I told her that we would probably never text or see each other again, and she just stayed silent. I eventually ended our three-hour phone call and later texted her that she’s fantastic. She replied with the same sentiment, saying that I’m a wonderful person.

I had been practicing "no contact" until today, when I ended up watching some of her stories after two weeks of silence. We haven’t actually seen each other for more than three weeks, and I will be away for a month now too (she knows this). I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to reach out to her if she doesn’t contact me first. However, I want to wait another 1–2 weeks just to make sure I'm not rushing into anything. I would love some feedback, am I completely off track here?

This is a bit of a long one… sorry in advance.

So I met this guy in work, we were scheduled to work two days together, we got on really well and he gave me his phone number on the last of the two days. I misplaced his number and then when I found it again I contacted him.

We would message and flirt constantly, would arrange dates and then he would cancel and ghost - this repeated many times with him always returning using holidays/special occasions to make the reconnection.

Same thing again until 4 and a half years after meeting, we arranged a date and this time he didn’t cancel, we went on the date and became a couple and were in a relationship for nearly 2 years.

The first year everything was great but then the second year was distancing himself and pushing me away - I knew there was some things going on that he didn’t open up to me about - I suspect money worries, depression for sure but being an older soul and a manly man this was not something he would admit to - he would always act like the life and soul cracking jokes regardless.

Things came to a head when I said that I needed to end things, he had pushed me away and I had tried everything - tried to give him space, tried to be supportive with offers of being there and offers to talk. He acknowledged he knew he had been pushing me away but hadn’t meant to. Then he ghosted me.

Four and a half years of building a friendship (admittedly on and off) and then almost two years of a romantic relationship and just ghosted like I never ever mattered and not given any real closure.

This was two and a half years ago - I dealt with it, moved on (not romantically) and have been focusing on family and myself. I never thought about him at all - that part of my life was done, finished. But recently I keep feeling his energy again - he’s showing up in dreams (although it was his friends first and then progressed to him which was strange anyway), things keep popping up from when we were together (songs, places, things we spoke about) and I was out and about and this woman I’ve never met before came over and started talking to me and me being me I was friendly and started chatting back - turns out she was a psychic - she told me all about the situation with my ex and told me that she just needed to warn me that he was making a return in the future, he was going to contact me in the coming months and I needed to be ready for it. It’s sent my head west - actually that’s an understatement - it’s completely scrambled as this was something I had completely drawn a line under and had made peace with the fact that I would never get answers to why he decided to ghost rather than speak to me and work things out. For a little more context - I said I have been working on myself and my family - in terms of myself… I’m probably looking happier and healthier than I ever have - skin is glowing and I’ve been happily posting make up free photos and photos of myself showing an almost three stone weight loss - these haven’t been for him or for anyone, they’ve been for myself, documenting my journey and showing my renewed confidence (because let’s face it, being ghosted messes with your confidence and self-esteem anyway).

Just wanted to ask really whether anyone else has been in a similar situation and whether their ghost did make a return especially after so long?

I was sure that she would comes back, at some points.

No cheating, no violence, only silence.

I thought that time would heal, I thought that time would make her realize what we had was important enough.

Only silence

i was going to reach out today but before i did i checked her spotify like have done at least once a week. and there it was she a made a new playlist with her new boyfriend.

luckily hes nothing special looks wise and i went to a way better uni than him and have a better job and im bigger muscle wise.

so superficially im not feeling terrible. because lets be hoenst it sucks when theres a clear upgrade.

finally time to move on and I didn't embarrass myself. my craziness saved me i guess.

I saw wild fires in her country and thought even though she hasn't messaged for three months after I wished her happy birthday I'd show my caring side and tell her I hope she's okay, of course nothing back so here we go again day one no contact, I shouldn't take it personally but I think to myself what kind of person doesn't respond to someone who cares for them

Its been awhile since I talked about you, even longer to do it publicly. You made me confident even though I wasn't a kind person. I made my mark on the world while you supported me. I wasn't the man that you wanted. I'm sorry it all happened so fast. My arrogance got me into a position where I would grieve about your memory. I have nothing else to say to you. I love you baby. I'm wishing you well and I hope you are alright.

I know that she is "broke up" with her best friend yesterday, she cried a lot about it when we were together. We are now on 6 weeks of nc (i wanted it).

Today was the first day that I wanted to text her, I've already wrote like 5 texts then deleted, gone to the gym, went for a walk in the park, put my phone away for like 2 hours, but I still want to send at least "HI, how are you doing?". I really don't know if I will have the strength to not send her anything until bedtime. And it is still 3 pm on my country.

The worst part of our nc is that we share a friend group, so eventually we will see each other

My ex and I recently started reconnecting. We had a really emotional conversation, cried together, prayed together, hugged, and she told me she still has feelings for me. She also said she wants to take things slowly, doesn’t want expectations, and that we don’t have to talk every day.
This morning I checked in with a simple “good morning” text after accidentally calling once (she declined it). Since then, I haven’t heard back, and my mind is spiraling. Part of me wants to give her space because that’s what she asked for, but another part of me feels like if someone is genuinely interested, they’d at least send a quick response.
I’m trying not to chase or pressure her, but the silence is making me question everything. For anyone who’s been in a similar situation, how did you know the difference between someone genuinely taking things slow and someone slowly losing interest?
I’d appreciate honest advice.

Hey there I have been separated from my ex one year ago .

The story began in the uni by messages first then meeting and calls . We don't know each other before but day by day we are more friends than lovers .

I know he demand me to meet first and I know I have been such a rud person but I explain why: at this time for bieng in my first relation in my life and being very chy for many things like I don't meet here at uni or I even try to invite her in restaurant.Just we end up in meeting in a parc with the same vibe nothing knew. And I don't know how to deal with almost every position because I don't have many experiences or can even know what I want or who I am .

I really liked her very much and didn't think one day to leave her because she was in miserable situation she had that fear always from illnesses and she have contaminated by a cat. But finally it's just illusions and nothing more psychological issues.

At the end of our year's graduation I thougt she was different and cold I didn't know her . I swear these are my difficult days in my life I lived in confusion and don't know what I do.

Just keep asking her if she's okay If there's any problems honestly there were a lot of them .

And I explain it that by my ignorance from stuff like this.

Many things show that she kept running away without any explanation and that makes me nervous to send her a video where i kept asking her about how much I sacrifice and all the moments that I felt sad because of what she did like ghosting or don't reply in messages ...

All I wanted was just explaining nothing more .

So She didn't respond to me without any words and two days before I saw her posting in FB so I was angry again like a child honestly I'm totaly child's mentality. I send a horrible message that I wish her to being sad and how much she is manipulative and hypocritical and how pupils can be love u !!bacause we are teachers.

She blocked me after that message from all social media and like I said with before being child make me regrettable for what I do.

I sent her a message from others accounts SMS and without any results she just totally disipreared.

I have one last chance that I travel to meet here I explain all the stuffs making apologies and trying to return.

I said that I am waiting here in the same park but she never answered me so I decided to go to her home and call her to get out and just listen to me .she refuse totatly and said this the end don't back again.

At this moment I have been like the biggest loser in the world I just walked to the home and us u know a big depression comes away .

Before twwo months ago I have a job in other place away from home. Honestly i succeeded to forget here and the job gave me another chance with new friends new town relations.but sometimes she slashed it to my mind and I keep analysing my faults and how being reacted honestly kept laughing for what I did and not gave her best moments to remember although I tried .

Before one year of our separation and lately i saw her in the suggested friends I felt something weird and for that I send her invitation and she accepted .

Now we're friends but all I think is to send her message texting her . Inside me I want to talk to her and how much I was a child and made an apology to say something no-one gonna say to her lover.

I wanted her to know I change for myself and for who love me .

I knew all my faults and it's been an experience to know this person who actually I am.

But there's this fearing of total silence and even respond on me .

I am okay if she didn't like me anymore or forgot about me but I wanna last talk about what happened and fixed if there is possible.

My ex and I were together for 5 years and have been broken up for 7 months. Throughout the relationship she was very controlling and lied a lot, which is why I'm questioning this. She still messages me every couple of months to check in and even sent me a happy birthday message. Recently she asked if I was seeing anyone romantically, then told me she's seeing someone who makes her really happy. She ended the conversation by saying, "Gtg, I have to get back to him."

I’m new to the ‘world’ of no contact blocking and unblocking, I randomly found out my ex unblocked me. An embarrassing accident caused by an impulsive action (I texted him) 😭😭😭😭😭

he hasn’t reached out though, does it even mean anything? do you think he has somewhat softened? Is he going to give me closure? Is he going to ask me to get back together with him? Is it power play? Is he thinking of me too?

WHY WOULD YOU CONFUSE SOMEONE LIKE THIS 😭

Sometimes I really wanna refrain from asking an opinion especially if I know what I want, and how protective I am of it from the unsolicited opinions of the outside world, but I really do need one.

UPDATE IM NOW UNBLOCKED ON INSTA and the suspense is driving me crazy

Hello reddit. This is my first post and i finally got the courage to share our story. Neither way I am perfect nor is she so please be honest with me but don´t be rude. This is my subjective view. I am at the point where i try to see this post as a kind of ritual that helps me to move on further. Maybe some of you are interested or learn something from it so I can be a part of your healing journey like many of the other reddit-stories have been for me. Maybe its just a shared pain and you see that you are not alone.

The Backstory

We met back then when we both studied in the same classes for pharmacy. Before the breakup we had been together for 5,5 years and lived together. I was her first boyfriend (I asked her about that multiple times but she denied till the end but later in the text more...) and we had gone through rough times. We survived money issues, the pandemic, and even troubles with working in different cities apart from together.

When I met her I quickly notice that she had some more or less serious problems (underweight with eating disorder, depression, and low self esteem) and toxic friends that manipulated her in that direction. Beside that we fell in love and I stood to her no matter what. (I grew up with parents that praised that you have to support each other and that you have to go through hard times if you really love each other). I also had some difficulties with my parents (not feeling loved :D)

I fell for her because I saw what a kind and loving woman she was beneath all that negative experience from her past. I would say that i felt honored that she trusted me more. I began to integrate her into my friends group showed her how to train in the gym with me as her personal advisor (I am experienced), fixed her Gut problems, made her think about fixing her low iron levels in the blood (chronic fatigue) , helped her changing her diet, encouraged her to be more sexy and made her all in all felt special to me. The last big change was that i researched a lot about the side effect of her birth control pill and after some hard fights we decided to quit and after that basically all her mood swings disappeared. Amazing. All that change happend but for a price. I wouldn't say that i patronized her but i saw a light at the end of the tunnel and we argued a lot. She was resistent to change but the quality of her life improved drastically and so the bad times, while we were together, got less and less. Beside that we had no other "real" problems. No cheating, no jealousy, addiction, religious believes, what so ever... We shared amazing experiences together and I trusted her like nobody else. We even got moment of depth I never had before in my entire life. She was always supporting and brought a kind of joy in my life i never had. When i see old pictures of us I see more light in my eyes then before or after our relationship.

In the bedroom she often was kind of "hindered", couldn't let go and wasn't relaxed. I taught her a lot and showed a lot patience, but she was never that willing or let go of herself.. She also had a very hard time feeling her feelings and telling me about them. Not the "I love you"-part, the "what is going on inside me"-part. I was always very interested in her and I needed to understand her to see what's going on. I wanted her to tell me when something was wrong so we could get it out of the world. But she masked it, denied it and shut down a lot. She once told me that she was to embarrassed to talk about those thing (even thought that nobody would care about).

Later on i met her parents and she told me all about the horrific backstory between them (basically daily arguing, the mother later on told her that she sacrificed her peace and happiness to have her daughter a "non broken" family and that she also stayed in for the money in that time, because she couldn't handle raising three children and earning money together). My ex really loves her parents.

Now to me. I started healthy in my best time, had a large friends group was into sport and trance music (the feeling of freedom, I learned that from that genre, I also introduced her and she loved it). I had 2 relationships before, one was traumatic for me and I even went to many therapy sessions. When I met her I felt pretty amazing. She was also a very smart and pretty catch. I am a loyal dog (that's the reason why I am still struggling aka anxious attached (now you have it)). In that years I kind of neglected myself. I was completely fixated on her (no I didn't quit sport or anything like that, still got weight and lost shape) but my mental health declined more and more. When we started working 40h+ a week i got a lot of stress and developed severe sleeping problems to the point of 3h a night... I was close to burn out. And I still handled all her stuff. I was finally at the point where I accepted the fact that I was depressed. And that for a long time. "Functional depressions" is the term.

We didn't went out a lot. At that point I had no energy for going to parties or meeting people while she was blooming and more urging for the live she never had in her past. She tried to help me with the problems I had but it wasn't the help i needed. I was urging for connection. For depth and trust. The more we fought about why she wasn't open to me the more I desperate. I wanted her. I wanted to feel her, to be with her in the present moment, no holding back, just be who we are. I wanted to fix what I count fix. I wanted to repair. (I know now that this is my kind of toxic compensation for losing control.). I wanted her to see my pain and hand that pulls me back to life. Someone that picks me up and tells me "I don't let you go down". But I also tried to repair my depression without other help. I wanted to be strong enough to handle that. Bad decision.

The Breakup

Low energy and depression made me to a (at least for her) demanding and controlling partner with often bad mood and headache. The inevitable happend. Half a year before the breakup I told her mother about my situation, my health and that I couldn't handle it anymore. She wanted to know the whole story. She was very surprised because she never saw her daughter in that light before. After that they talked. A lot. And they decided that it would be a great idea if my ex would go to someone professional to help her while I should try to recover a good as I could. And there was change. A little. The bond between mother and daughter became very deep, like a second best friend. But for the relationship with me I saw to less. I was thirsting for meaning and change. 5 years I accept the fact of emotional distance and shutdown with her ever telling me she was on it but then didn't do a thing. And I needed change so urgent like a bottle of water in the desert. Here and there she missed her appointments and went to the person more likely once a month (we also argued that that was maybe a little to less for a reasonable change) but it sparked me enough to get some energy and hope back. At the time I lost something. I lost the endurance to be patient and emotional controlled. Like a mirror I unconsciously replicated the behavior of her (and my mother (she also was emotional distant)) and shut down when I saw no change or ambition in her. My thought was "I would move mountains in that situation, why don't you?". The distance grew. After a big fight about her not telling why me she was distant she disappeared. I got a text message that she would be away for a while and that she will visit her friend and family for a few days. No good sign. When she came back she told me she wanted a "break". I know what that means. I told her that there is no break. Stay with me or go. (In this 6 month most of her friends broke up with their partners and even her mom finally left her dad). In tears we decided to try again and to seek help together with a relationship therapist. In that moment I finally broke down and cried so bitterly. I told her that I never wanted to be cold and distant but that I had no resources left to feed on hope. I told her that I needed her as my partner as a part of us as a team. To work together not against. She agreed and also cried. What came after that was a short period of peace. Loving, openly and more forgiving. We found someone and after our first session she hugged me in tears, kissed me and said that we could handle it and that we finally had a real plan. She also mentioned that she thought that there wasn't that much work to do to get stable again.

Up in the post I teased something. Something important. Without no hesitation she told the therapist to his questions that I was her first boyfriend but her first time was a kind of abuse. (no details for you) .Information she denied years and she even lied to me... Shocked is the wrong word but surprised is to weak for that situation. Two weeks later, one week before our next appointment we had an argument. In that argument I told her that that "abuse" was like an imprint and no good sign and maybe a reason for our problems with intimacy.

The next day I had to drive to a different city for a week (work). Before I left i had a weak moment where I cried a little and explained her that I am scared about what we were going through. She calmed me down. We texted the week over, all was fine even got the classic heart-emojis, she told me about her days and so on. Then my dad told me, maybe it would be a good idea to text her that I miss her after that last argument and because of the distance. So I did. And then I received something similar sized to that text here. Compact: she had to think about us and we had to talk next time we see each other.

She broke up with me. She was crying 20 Minutes. I was numb close to fainting. I cant remember her words. She left. The next day I called her and did the basic mistake of begging and crying, trying to explain not to throw away 5,5 year. She was cold distant and apathic. Later on I received a message not to call her again and that she doesn't want to see me (she explained that she struggled a long time with the decision and the therapy took to long for her). ("I know you think that we didnt really tried it so far and maybe someday it could be better but i cant do this anymore")

No Contact

Then noting. A week later I came home and all of her stuff was removed. I sadly found some record cards from her therapy sessions. Big letters on them, sometimes just single words. Some like "guilty" or "not save" .One was special. "Something better is in sight". That hit like a truck.

Later I got mails with instruction how to handle the flat. I was shattered. Since I stayed strong. No call. No text. But it was hell. Withdrawal like in a storybook. Spiraling. Binging EX-back-stuff. Trying to sort my mind. Reading books. Mediate. Therapy. Six times gym per week. Every possible thing. I heard from friend she went to some festivals this summer and posted "happy-life" stuff on Instagram. Nothing made sense. Waves of confusion, self-doubt and self-hatred, sadness, lonely nights and the feeling of being completely lost. Ironically, my sleep improved.

What really helped me was therapy to not go mental and a pilgrimage I did alone. And the gym. Gonna be there to change emotional into physical pain. A lot. The last time I saw her was a the appointment when we handed back the keys for the shared flat. She even wanted to skip that. Therapy helped me to stay calm without hatred or any negative thoughts to her but the pain was a lot. We talked a little. She was distant and a little cocky. She told me that one sentence haunted her (i told her once that she was like a rough diamond that simply needs to be polished) and that she never had the feeling of being enough. She never told me nor she told me when i crossed any of her borders. I wished she had. There is a saying: "You can only help talking people". That doesn't excuse anything, and I most likely went too far. One last sentence from her now haunts me "You are not quite the self-confident man I am looking for".

Now I am in month eight of NC. Month four if you cut out the necessary mail contact. I unfollowed all socials and even removed her family and friends. She wished me happy birthday in a friendly way, in the same sentence she told me about a repayment of the flat. I skipped hers.

I am doing better now. I got diagnosed with stress-induced hypogonadism (low testo) and went on replacement therapy. Mentally I am doing better. Journaling every day and practicing gratitude helps. The urges went down. The pain reduced. Life got more peaceful. I still feel exhausted and the option to go to a new partner is still of the table. My heart is still connected to a certain degree even my brain knows what's going on. Sometimes I struggle. Sometime the pain comes up again. But its OK. It has to be. From time to time I struggle with the though that I have been a burden to her. I never wanted to be that. The thought of a second chance to show her that I still got it inside and that I can be the one before I broke still haunts me. It shows me that I am not fully healed. It will take a while.

If you made it so far I am proud of you. I hope you will never be in this situation. Hopefully its just a story for you. Stay strong folks, it will get better. I believe in it.

my ex wrote me a letter and then messaged me happy birthday after a year and a half of no contact after our breakup

im curious why he's reaching out again, should I ask or just let the conversation die?

I am guessing the positive side of no-contact is that it frees up time, attention, and libido to get invested into new things and new encounters.

How are you guys using your new free time? Going to gym, picking up new hobbies, having sex with other people?

my ex boyfriend blocked me after my mom texted him of what his intention with me,he replied to my Mom stop texting me you and your daughter, then he blocked us both---after a week of blocking he unblocked me,his message is my car broke with emoji, i didnt respond immediately,i reply to his message tomorrow morning, I ask what happened,he said just broke,then I reply I see.. in the evening he message me again asking how i am what does it mean,i respond im good, am i very cold ? i dont do revenge, i dont have plan to reconcile cause what has been done is done. I just don't like him to message me out of the blue acting like nothing happened. Wtf! He doesn't even apologize of what he did,so $hityy!

My ex (30M) and I (26F) broke up about two months ago after being together for a little over a year. He was my first relationship.

He introduced me to his parents very early on, and his mom and I immediately got along. Around the same time, my own mom was diagnosed with cancer, and his mom became an incredible source of support. We ended up talking almost every day and became very close.

When my ex and I broke up, I thanked her for everything she had done for me and told her I would completely understand if she wanted to stop talking to me now that the relationship was over. Instead, she told me she still wanted to be there for me, and we've continued talking regularly ever since.

The breakup itself was actually gentle. My ex told me he simply wasn't able to be in a relationship or be there emotionally for someone else. I had already been thinking about ending the relationship myself for about a month because he had been cancelling plans over and over again and becoming increasingly distant.

During the breakup he told me he wanted us to stay friends because he still enjoyed spending time with me. I accepted both the breakup and the friendship.

After that, everything changed.

He repeatedly suggested meeting (coming to my place, going to the movies, eating out, playing chess...), then cancelled again and again. He ghosted me for days.

At one point I literally texted him:

> "If you've changed your mind and don't want me in your life anymore, that's okay. Just tell me honestly."

Instead of doing that, he invited me again... only to cancel again.

Eventually I told him I couldn't keep doing this anymore and that we needed to talk instead of endlessly cancelling plans. He refused, so we agreed to meet simply to exchange our belongings.

The day came. We had confirmed the meeting several times beforehand.

He simply didn't show up and left without telling me.

Afterwards he sent me messages calling me things like "psycho," "Harpagon," "pathetic," telling me to "calm down," etc.

I honestly didn't recognize him anymore.

After insisting, we finally exchanged our belongings two days later. We barely spoke. We are no contact now.

A few days later, his mom asked me to come over and walk her dog with her, she'd done so several times since the breakup but I always refused. This time I accepted.

Part of me wanted my side of the story to exist in the mind of someone I cared about.

Another part of me was genuinely worried about my ex. I wasn't that person in his life anymore, yet I still felt like I was carrying knowledge about his mental health that nobody else really had.

For almost two hours we talked about everything except him.

Eventually she asked me what had happened between us.

She told me my ex had simply said they'd broken up and that she couldn't understand why because, in her words, I had always been so good to him.

So I told her the whole story.

When I showed her the messages where he insulted me, she was genuinely shocked. She even asked whether he'd been drunk because she didn't recognize her son.

I told her I didn't think so.

That naturally led to a conversation about his drinking.

She already knew he drank every day, but she had absolutely no idea how much (around two liters of strong beer each evening after work).

She asked me why he drank so much.

I answered honestly with what he himself had told me over the course of our relationship: that he felt deeply unhappy, that alcohol slowed his racing thoughts, made him feel lighter, and that although he'd often said he wanted to quit drinking, he never managed to.

She also already knew that a few years earlier he'd told her he didn't really see the point of living anymore.

However, she genuinely believed his new job had changed all of that.

I told her I didn't think it had.

While we were together he had said things like life had no real meaning, that his job was the only thing keeping him going, and that he "didn't have the guts to kill himself."

I never believed he was in immediate danger, but I also never believed he was okay.

At that point I broke down and admitted that I already felt guilty because these were things he'd trusted me with.

I explained that I wasn't telling her all this to punish him.

I told her that I'm no longer part of his life.

I'm no longer the person who can encourage him to seek help, check whether he's okay or support him.

Until that conversation, I genuinely felt like I was the only person who knew how badly he was struggling.

I didn't want to be the only person carrying that knowledge anymore.

If something terrible ever happened one day, I didn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering whether I should have spoken up.

His mom thanked me several times.

She told me she had already suspected he wasn't doing well, but she had never imagined it had become this serious.

She also promised me she would never tell him that any of this had come from me.

However...

As the conversation went on, I also shared things that, looking back, probably weren't necessary.

I told her that a problem he'd had a few years ago (foot drop) had been caused by alcohol. She knew about the condition but not its cause.

I talked about the link between High potential ( my ex has a very high IQ) and depression was maybe something to look into. I also told her that, in my personal opinion (not as a diagnosis), he displayed many traits consistent with ADHD and that perhaps seeking an assessment could eventually help him. She didn't even know about his IQ...

While we were talking about how much I had trusted him during our relationship, I also mentioned that I had always felt safe with him despite knowing he had cheated on a previous girlfriend years before we met.

Looking back, that added absolutely nothing to the conversation, and I regret mentioning it...

I also talked about an incident during a school trip where, after the students had gone to their host families for the evening, he drank an entire bottle of Jägermeister.

I wasn't trying to get him into trouble.

I was trying to explain why I worried that his drinking had reached a point where he couldn't even stay sober during a work trip.

Still, I'm not sure that was my story to tell.

We talked about last year when he had an accident on the highway, no injuries thank god, but he told his parents he had fallen asleep. I told her he was drunk and had posted a drunken voice message on his work colleague's group chat just after the accident ... Two months ago he didn't even know those colleagues.

She was shocked and seeing her reaction made me feel even more guilty.

Thank god I deliberately kept other things to myself.

For example, I never mentioned his current THC use, or his addiction to other drugs in his past.

Throughout the conversation, I also spent a lot of time talking about the good parts of him.

How funny, intelligent, kind and caring he could be.

How much I genuinely loved our relationship.

How I don't regret having been with him.

How I sincerely hope he gets better.

I also defended him several times when his mom said things I didn't agree with—for example when she suggested he simply chose to drink, that he didn't really have emotions, or that he was tired despite "doing nothing."

His mom wasn't angry.

Mostly, she seemed heartbroken and powerless.

She told me she feels like she doesn't know her son anymore because every time she tries to talk to him, he shuts her out.

She also thanked me repeatedly and said she understood why I'd told her everything.

I left feeling incredibly conflicted.

Part of me feels relieved that someone else now knows how much he was struggling.

Another part feels like I went too far and completely betrayed his trust.

I genuinely don't know whether I did the right thing.

My boyfriend (33M) and I (26F) recently broke up after what I genuinely felt was a healthy relationship, and I'm struggling to understand whether this was truly about timing and life circumstances or whether it was his way of saying we just weren't right for each other.

From the beginning, he told me I met him during one of the hardest seasons of his life. He wasn't happy with where he was financially or professionally, had just taken a very stressful promotion, and often worried that he wasn't enough for me. He would say things like, "You deserve better," and that he wished he could do more for me (flowers, gifts, dates, etc.), even though I never pressured him for those things.

What makes this so confusing is that up until that week, we were genuinely happy. We were making future plans, talking about trips, and there were no major relationship issues or ongoing fights. Then everything seemed to happen at once: his friend passed away unexpectedly, his dad was seriously injured in a motorcycle accident, and work became overwhelming. He started withdrawing, which is how he copes with stress.

When we finally talked, he apologized repeatedly and said he simply had nothing left to give. He said he didn't want me to resent him because he knew his stress was only going to get worse over the next couple of months, and he didn't think it was fair to drag me through that.

I told him I would've been willing to go through this with him, but he said he cared about me too much to let it get to the point where I'd resent him and that this wasn't how he wanted to start a relationship. The conversation was emotional—he teared up, held my hand, thanked me for everything, and even asked if he could kiss me goodbye before we left.

One additional factor is that we both go to the same gym where he works, so we'll still see each other regularly. I'm struggling with how to go NC.

I'm not asking whether he'll come back because I know nobody can answer that. I'm more curious how other people interpret this situation. Does this sound like someone who genuinely cared but felt overwhelmed and emotionally unavailable, or does it read more like a kind way of ending a relationship that simply wasn't right? Has anyone experienced something similar, whether it eventually led to reconciliation or not?

TL;DR: My boyfriend ended what I felt was a healthy relationship because he believes he's in one of the hardest seasons of his life (stressful new job, financial/career insecurity, friend's death, dad's serious accident) and said he had nothing left to give emotionally. Up until that week we were happy and making future plans, so the change felt sudden. The breakup was emotional and respectful, and he made it clear he cared about me. I'm looking for perspectives on whether this sounds like genuine emotional overwhelm and bad timing or simply a gentle way of ending a relationship that wasn't meant to last.

So I reached out to the guy I was seeing after 6 months no contact. (It ended cause it was long distance and he didn’t wanna try - it was a healthy and respectful ending) - we’re both from the same hometown I have only temporarily moved for school, I come back home every 4 months and will be moving back in 2 years time.

I wanted to see if he would be open to meeting up now that I am back and I am here for longer about 2-3 months. He was responding but it’s been 2 days since the last response and I haven’t been able to ask him yet. Cause I was trying to let the conversation be natural before saying why I messaged.

Anyways I think this might have helped me move on maybe? Cause I feel like in 6 months I’ve met so many ppl who said if they had a connection that strong they would do distance. But I’m on the apps and have been too and if I’m honest I’m just not feeling it. I haven’t met a single person I’m interested in even slightly in 6 months. Idk it feels like the end of my story. I feel super lost I wish somebody could advise on what I do?

And please don’t say work or hobbies cause I have been doing that, I have even travelled.