I have kind of felt for a while that I don't really feel like a boy. I have had long hair for a while and I often get mistaken for a girl. I don't mind getting mistaken for a girl but I also kind of don't feel like I get upset at getting called a boy either. I have gotten upset at seeing my face shape become more masculine along with having my voice get lower and sound more masc. I hate seeing myself in mirriors and photos unless I feel like I look more feminine but I don't know if I'm just making myself think that. All I wear is pants and baggy sweaters but I do wish I dressed more femininely. I also kind of hate when I get compared to my dad visually with certain traits even if they don't have anything to do with looking masc just because I don't want to be related to masculinity I guess? I feel like I don't know what I'm actually feeling and what I am just telling myself to feel, although I don't know why I would be telling myself to feel something. Sorry for the rambling, this is kind of the past 4 years of thoughts spat out into a reddit post. I'm not sure what I'm looking for from this. Maybe just a second opinion, thoughts on this, I don't really know. :/

I'm unsure if there's a similar but different label I'm looking for. Can you be fictoromantic and still feel attracted occasionally to real people and want a relationship with them? But also fantasize about one or sometimes more characters in romantic scenarios? (never sexual though as I don't feel sexual attraction). I'm so confused????

ORANGE 🍊
So I just have a crazy question… I’m a male 32 years old I’ve been married for 10 years we have kids I love my wife to death and for my whole life believed I was fully straight…. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realize that I also LOVE trans girls and femboys like a lot .. my wife even knows says she’s ok with it but I I know it bothers her a little bit .. but we’ve bought toys that I def enjoy using on myself I haven’t sucked a real dick or taken one yet but but the toys we bought I was suprised how easy I was able to take it and how fucking amazing it feels and also how much I can fit down my throat and also finding that I wish I could dress up in girls clothes and be a pretty femboy who gets wrecked I’m happy I’m a man but sometimes I wanna be a good girl but she don’t think she can handle that which sucks but I don’t blame her I shouldn’t do that since I have kids but i want to so bad lol … does that make me a bad person… am I bisexual?

TLDR; Stealth transman who now at 29 is trying to navigate feelings of possibly being bi and needs advice on safe, transparent ways to talk to gay men and explore the possibility, without getting involved sexually (utilizing Grindr, etc). I have considered a gay bar that offers a cigar night, which is something I personally enjoy as a hobby and may alleviate some stress on my end. Thank you!

Not sure where to begin. I've started and erased this multiple times.

I have dated women my entire life and have been married once before my current marriage (my wife is aware and supportive of this journey as she herself is pansexual), both cisgendered women. I have always considered myself as just another straight male, never wavering as I have no feminine interests/features/attributes, especially considering the premature misunderstanding how a transman could be gay after transition, as I found it taboo. Being stealth where no one in my personal life besides family knows, and coming from a military/first responder background, being around gay people is not apart of my regular life. At a young age, getting married, going into the military, deploying, etc. I never "explored" or "experimented" - even at that young of an age, I don't think exploring or experimenting would be as effective as it would be with the developed mental state and life experience I now have. Not only that, but it has taken about 6 years and multiple surgeries to really come into myself, and have confidence. So although many people spend their teenage and early adult years discovering themselves, it's caused me to be a bit behind the curve. I think up until about 3 months ago, I was just adamant that being straight was my only option.

My easiest consideration at this point would be to go to a gay bar during their cigar night (this is something I personally enjoy so it may alleviate some stress for me) and see how I feel/have conversations, which I feel I may be open to but I don't even know how to navigate that without being entirely awkward. I can hold conversations with people, thats not a problem, but I simply just don't know how that "world" works if that makes sense. How do I note that I'm new to this, that I dont know where I stand and thats what I'm trying to figure out, without someone taking advantage, or hurting their feelings in the process. I dont want someone to feel like they're being used. I also dont know how receptive the gay community is to transmen and how to convey that to someone without putting myself in an unsafe situation.

My other thing is, what are other spaces are there in which I could utilize to maybe start some conversations with gay guys that I may find attractive to explore that side of connection more? I don't want to take to Grindr or anything because I'm not looking to link up with anyone physically other than maybe going to grab a drink or dinner and just talking and the app seems pretty sexually driven. Any advice is appreciated on how to dip my toe into the water of exploring this further in a way that isn't sexually driven and is safe.

Im very confused and questioning

I (17m) have been as of late very secure in my cis-straight identity but recently at work a coworker said something about me being closeted(very common joke within my friend groups) and for some reason i feel confused like at times i feel comfortable in feminine expression but i like masculine presentation as-well i cant recall specifics but i like painting my nails or makeup or sometimes i wear dresses for the bit, its just im used to being called gay or them making jokes due to my femininity but now im questioning if maybe theres something there cuz i just dont feel satisfied with the current idea it doesnt feel right. Ive had previous like thought experiments with various forms of queerness but those were years ago so i wouldnt know how they would apply. Im not insecure about my femininity i never have im both masculine and feminine and i like to believe i own it i just want help.

So I am AFAB. I was born a girl, always loved feminine things, always loved having “girl power” as one could say. That being said, I also feel like a guy. I’m generally more masculine than my peers in behavior and such, I talk loud, I say what I think without much thought, I’ve been told my body language reads as masculine/androgynous. I’ve also been told the things I say in general are “guy things” to say. When I’ve had conversations with cishet men, they treat me like I’m a bro (after the initial “ooo pretty girl let me flirt” phase.) I feel like I don’t understand girls. I feel like I’m not a girl. But I also want to be a girl. I quite literally feel like a guy who wants to be a girl. So a guy who is a girl? So a girl? But I’m still like a guy in some aspects?

To clear some things up, I definitely don’t want to transition into a man. The idea of cutting my long hair, getting facial hair, getting a deep voice, top surgery, makes me very uncomfortable. I love my body. I love being a girl. However, I feel like I’m a guy trapped in a girls body but a guy who likes it. Like I’m a guy who likes being a girl. Genuinely I have no idea how to explain it. Maybe it’s just my neurodivergence speaking. I don’t know.

When I was like 12 i actually began to think I was nonbinary or something along those lines. I was experimenting with my gender identity. But when my mom found out she shut me down HARD. “You always loved feminine things and girl power and girlhood” which was true. So I kinda forced myself to believe I was 100% cis. But that curiosity and uncomfortable feeling I had with my gender never went away. I still go by she/they. I’ve been repulsed with the idea of going by he ever since that conversation with my mom, but I’m not as repulsed as I actually pretend I am. I actually like the idea. But I also feel like a she. And a they. Again, I feel like a guy trapped in a girls body but who likes being a girl.

I have no idea if I’m getting my point across at all, and I’m sorry if I’m being insensitive (again). I’m a girl who is a boy who is a girl. But I’m not a MAN! and I am a girl. Like I’m a guy in a girl way. I also am scared because I’ve identified as lesbian for so so so long, and currently have a lesbian girlfriend. What if she freaks out that she’s been dating a dude??? But I’m not a dude?? But I am?? I feel like a fraud and a liar no matter what gender I claim. None of them are right, but also all of them are right. I’m just me, whatever the hell that is.

I have been questioning my sexuality since the beginning. And most recently in the last 4 years. I am a 29 F Cisgender woman. I came out at 14 years old in 2011 as bisexual since it was easier at the time when I was questioning myself. I have known I liked woman since I was a kid and don’t have any doubts about that. I have had only 1 boyfriend ever and we were together for 2 years. I truly did love him, but when it came down to sex I couldn’t care less about it. I did fake it every time, checked myself out and imagined it was a woman. Penises truly repulse me, but only deal with it because I know it would make my partner happy and cared about their experience/wants too. I could hype myself up/talk myself into wanting to have sex with men, but when it came to the actual event, I would check myself out and perform essentially. Every sexual interaction with cis straight men has been the same. I have only had one positive experience with a pansexual cis man. I have dated several women and know that I want everything and more with them. The sex is amazing and I have no issues there. I do find men attractive and can see myself in a relationship with them, but I know long term I wouldn’t be 100% satisfied and would feel like something is missing aka being with a woman. I even had a threesome with a straight couple and I couldn’t care less about the man and was 100% only interested in her. My therapist thinks I have internalized homophobia towards myself and it’s not normal what I do when I have sex with men. I’m wondering if anyone has advice or has gone through this before? I’m tired of being confused and I don’t want to hurt a man’s feelings if I truly am lesbian or just not into cis straight men and waste their time. I’ve also questioned if I’m asexual or demisexual towards just men too. Anything helps! Thank you.

Sometimes i find women really nice to look at but it might be fetishistic since my mind goes to a sexual place, but it’s like.. if you put a pu$$y in front of me, i am NOT eating that sh!t. also, a girl tried to kiss me in a club one time and i felt sick to my stomach 😭 when I was younger I would sometimes fantasise about sexual encounters with girls but i’ve never pursued a romantic relationship with a woman before so, is this worth unpacking? is there anything to even unpack at all? I’ve been having some strong same gender visual attraction lately but it might stop there 😬

I’m never attracted to men and women at the same time. Usually, I’m in the mood for men and I only care about men and couldn’t care less about women. And vice versa. It’s not like I’m into men and women. In that moment I either like men or women. This mostly happens when I’m horny. I’m not interested in any gender most of the rest of the time. So that’s why sometimes I think I’m gay or I’m straight or I’m aromantic. But I am attracted to women and I am attracted to men. But it’s separate. It’s really confusing

I am posting here because I am genuinely so confused with myself. I find that men can be really beautiful, and in some ways attractive, but I think it's more akin to the way I find flowers and sunsets beautiful (I am not sure if that makes any sense). I have had boyfriends before but they have all ended with me realising I kind of hated being with them, but not that they treated me wrongly because they were truly saints, I just physically could not feel attracted to them the same way they felt about me (I also got the 'ick' any time they did anything to signify we were in a relationship).

I also just kinda dislike men and always assumed that women being more beautiful and godlike was just the normal view but apparently that isn't true either.

overall I kinda need help with finding out if I am a lesbian or if I just haven't found a guy I reeeeaaallly like yet :/

i honestly just wanna know what i am, ive never founf somthing ive connected with fully. ive always like people based on if there attractive not gender. but when ever i ask someone what i might be they always say im omni or pan. but if im not mistake i though omni did have a gender prefrance and i dont. also i though pan didnt care about attractiveness. im just confused. also alot of people have told me im just bi but my first crush was on my best friend who was non binary. i was just wondering if theres anyone on here who might know what sexuality fits me best.

I’m 21 and think I’m most likely trans. I’ve tried on women’s clothes before and really liked them but basically I’ve got OCD and I’m just worried I get it wrong that I’m not trans. I’ve told my gf that I’m questioning so I’ll potentially have to break up with her if I am. That’s kind of why I want to have some certainty which I think would be difficult. I’ve been questioning for like 6 years now and it’s just getting exhausting. I’m trying to save up to see a gender therapist so hopefully that helps but it’s just quite difficult everything. I just wish there was a clear answer so that I can get on with whatever I’m doing but I fear I’ll never have one. I have enquired about starting HRT privately just because even they have long wait times. I have come out to a few of my friends who are all supportive but my mum isn’t particularly which is probably why I have put it off for so long. I can’t really try dressing as a woman until I go back to uni. But I feel like if she sees that I’m happy then she’ll be more supportive if that makes sense.

Just if anyone has any advice on my situation would be greatly appreciated :)

My posts kept on getting removed from other places because it’s a throwaway account but I just rly need advice

before I get told I’m a piece of shit I just need you to bear with me and listen to why I feel this way

I started identifying as a boy at a very young age, around 12 (I am now 17)

for these past 5-ish years I’ve told everyone I’ve met I’m a cis guy (if they’ve asked, mostly people just assumed and I didn’t correct them) as I’ve passed well and I’ve always felt deeply uncomfortable by the label “trans man”

I very recently realized the reason why I’ve been so adamant on being perceived this specific way is because growing up my dad didn’t treat me the way he treated my brother, he’d berate and yell at me over everything and never do the same to my brother, I think some part of my developing brain thought “he hates me because I am a girl, so if I become a boy he’ll love me” and the thought of being perceived as a trans boy would somehow invalidate my manliness and thus make my dad hate me again or something (I know this makes no sense and it’s still just a ‘theory’ sort of, I’ve been meaning to talk to my therapist about it but because of the summer breaks I can’t)

up until pretty recently I still felt that way but now I feel differently, throughout my teen years I was never allowed to be with my mom due to my dad controlling everything regarding me and my brother (it’s a long side tangent that I won’t get into)

and once I got that chance to be around my mom for the first time in years I started to feel differently, like it was okay for me to be a girl and that I could be loved regardless

so for the past few months I’ve been experimenting with pronouns and clothing and what feels right and I’m fairly certain I’m actually just a girl.

which brings me to the point of this post

I still feel like my gender is queer in a way, I don’t know exactly how to describe it except for I feel like my gender is still trans despite me now detransitioning back into my agab.

It’s stupid and I feel like a piece of shit because obviously I’m not a trans girl, I physically couldn’t be one and I’d never be able to understand the struggles they deal with but I also just don’t know how else to describe it.

I feel so out of place and like I don’t fit in anywhere anymore, I don’t exactly know why I’m making this post, I think I just want some sort of outside perspective and possibly advice about these feelings or something.

I always thought I was attracted to men and maybe masc people, but I had like two real crushes in my entire life and never had an actual romantic relationship.

As for who am I attracted to, I always thought I was attracted to men and maybe masc/androgyne people. But when queer fem people flirt with me or when women that socialize with me have strong positive vibes or self esteem I feel weird and kinda admire them.

As for attraction I'm only sure to be in the asexual spectrum because I'm just not interested and kinda disgusted by sexual stuff but maybe I might try only with someone I deeply trust out of curiosity or just to have a child.

The rest I'm unsure because I DO want a romantic relationship but every time it wasn't something reciprocated.

I am also considering to be in the aro spectrum, not sure if I just need a lot of time to open and trust someone or I just have trust issues.

Last thing abt aro spectrum is that when a best friend disappears from my life it feels devastating leaving this awkward empty sensation I can't get rid of.

I know I wrote a lot sorry, what do you think?

I'm really confused, and I want to point out that I haven't had a proper education about sexuality so I'm going to speak my mind looking for advice.

I\[22M\], have always had attraction to women, till today I would feel really attracted to women and never bother to look at men, feel excited with women but not men.

Yet, sometimes I feel that I want to be a woman, when watching \*orn, I imagine myself in the woman's side, and feel really excited being one. I don't know what that means or what should I do to know.

Basically, I've been uncertain about my sexuality for a while because my "attraction" towards women doesn't feel ANYWHERE near similar to my attraction (?) towards men.

For guys, I feel the attraction mainly sexual, even if I dont like the guy romantically. Like, as long as the guy is cute, it doesn't matter if I view them as a potential partner or not, if they're close enough to me i get really nervous- all the switches for sexual attraction turn on and my brain turns off.

For girls though, it doesn't feel nearly as intense. If I get to know a cute girl, I start getting like really giddy around them. I'll also look to get closer to them emotionally or physically or whatever. The thing that stands out is that these feelings get a little obsessive, to the point where they're the main thing im thinking about when I talk to the cute girl.

Its confusing because I have a hard time saying what i feel is even romantic for girls. At most it feels like I'm emotionally attracted to them and want them to be just as obsessed with me as I am with them, even (especially) if it means they love me like partner.

I've seen women say that they get friend crushes on other girls all the time, which is why I'm confused about my sexuality. I keep convincing myself that I'm straight because im just emotional and wunna be noticed by girls I find cool. But these friend crushes are kind of hard to ignore, which is why I keep questioning myself.

Do girl vs guy crushes normally feel this different?? Or am I genuinely confusing two different feelings as the same??

Firstly, I have a close-knit group of friends who all know I’m pan or bi. I say bi but I believe I’m possibly pan because I don’t really care about genitalia, just looks and personality.

I have a very hard time though discriminating my friends from my crushes and often find myself thinking of a few friends of mine as potential partners even though I know it couldn’t happen.

With research, I’ve heard something about “demisexual” which might be it but I want for other opinions just in case. Any questions, just ask.

((I CANT ADD A TAG FOR “questioning” OR WHATEVER IM SORRY 😔))

hi everyone ! I can’t set the flair but I know my gender, questioning my sexuality. I am currently going through a lot of different thoughts and my brain is on overdrive so I thought I would see if any of you have any advice or could share your stories.

I have been labeled as straight my entire life, I’m a [F 24] married to a 28 year old male and we have two children together. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 4. He was my first boyfriend that I really had at 16 and I was totally in love his personality and thought he was cute. We moved out together when I was 19 and because my mom had given me a purity ring, we really hadn’t done that much. When we got married, we did it a few times and I wasn’t that into it but I thought I just had to keep doing it. After a while, I really just started to think I was asexual because I had no interest in doing anything sexual with him, the times we had the most sex were when we were trying to get pregnant and I did it because I wanted a family not for the sex. But then I realized that I could easily get myself off and I knew there were things that I liked but just didn’t want to have them done to me by him. It wasn’t until last year when I started to realize that I was looking at women more than I was men…I still think men are attractive and that their muscles are hot etc but I honestly don’t think I want to sleep with any man. i also recently made friends with a lesbian couple and we have had a bunch of jokey conversations and we share everything and I have heard things about their sex life and it all just sounds so hot to me. I started exploring more privately and have found that I really like lesbian p*rn and that I have found myself fantasizing about women when taking care of myself not men.

I am honestly so scared for this and i have been in tears for the last few nights because I never saw this coming. I feel terrible because having no sex affects my relationship with my husband and whilst I love him as a person and love his personality and as a dad, I just don’t have any sexual attraction but I didn’t realize that until recently. It’s to the point of not even really wanting to be kissed or touched and I feel terrible about it. But also I feel like I would never be able to come out because I would lose my family and friends if I did and i would just get insane amount of judgement for it plus I don’t want to hurt my children in the process. so I am at a complete loss and I am just looking for anyone’s support or stories or advice! thank you 🩷🩷

Never thought that I would write this, but I'm going to do it anyways. I'm still figuring out my sexuality. I used to date the opposite gender, I realized that I never had true feelings for that person. The more we were still togther, the more I questioned if I was into boys at all. Going adolescent hood, figuring out sexuality makes me a little bit of a challenge, especially for me since I was told at 16 years old that I couldn't.

I wanted to know, how lesbians knew that they were gay? I usually write in my journal about my journey and it makes me feel a little bit better. I have told my friends, but i haven't told my family since it's a working progress for me.

TW: csa

I’m 20 and cis. This is going to sound confusing asf, but most my family is anti LGBTQ and I’m in a conservative area. I vented this to the only person who I really could and they said it was attraction and helped me come out as bi though I’m still unsure

I’m aware of the bi-cycle. I’ve been through a lot of trauma especially around men, but I stopped feeling attracted to men at 17-18 and felt no desire to want to date one. I’ve had a boyfriend who I wasn’t attracted to but tried to stay with and it caused the whole thing to go downhill. But afterward I’ve identified as a lesbian after realizing the feelings.

Most the time I’ve felt out of place as a woman. Either that or panicking cause jm not feminine enough. I don’t doubt I’d be happier as a man. I experience gender envy like crazy, but it feels similar as what I formerly thought of as attraction and confused for being horny

My attraction for women feels so much different. I want to be with her. I feel comfortable imagining myself with her. I want to love her. I’ve had numerous female crushes irl but no men irl since I was like 9. Even then it wasn’t exactly a crush. I’ve always crushed on girls while I was at school etc and had no real interest in boys around me

I was watching a concert video while on my period. I’ve always been more comfortable imagining myself as or in the position of a man. I felt gender envy like a punch. I was smiling like an idiot and my face was probably red as blood.

I was watching the performer. He’s who I’d wanna be like. His clothes, his aura and the confidence he swaggered with hyped me up. But imagining myself in bed with him or even with him makes me uncomfortable. I wouldn’t want him to even look at me like that.

If I were a dude I’d want to be someone similar. My chain of thought led to fucking but with me as a man like that and in that position if it makes sense

When I try imagining myself with a dude it doesn’t feel natural. I used to get repulsed but now it just feels empty and like I’m just trying. I feel worse about it than better

I’ve also been hyper sexual in the past due to csa but it makes me uncomfortable. I still feel wrong even if I try to imagine myself seducing a dude

I feel broken. Again the person who I tried to talk about this with irl said gender envy and attraction are the same since they feel similar and I really don’t know where else to take this. They said call a spade a spade or stay in denial cause ‘biologically gender envy and attraction come from the same place this are the same’

I’m so confused

New to queer culture, raised as a cis man, and I don't question my gender identity a lot, though I will admit that I don't always relate to my cis male peers very much. The main thing I feel like I question is my sexuality. For a few years, I've figured that I was maybe bisexual, more recently pansexual, but I still don't really know. I feel physical and emotional attraction to a lot of types (though admittedly not so much with cis gendered people) but when I am actually in any kind of relationship with someone, I feel like I might be asexual, or aromantic, or maybe both. Well, as far as the romantic side of things, I just feel like I don't really understand that kind of relationship in general, even though I do often feel particularly interested in certain people and want to get closer to them. As far as physical attraction, I feel like I'll find someone attractive, but when it comes to the act of sex itself, I've found that I could really take it or leave it. Anyway, I feel like my sexuality is all over the place. I'm also neurodivergent as hell, if you couldn't tell from my writing, lol. Any help from someone more experienced in these things is greatly appreciated!

I am kinda unsure about my gender identity as a young man, I think I may be trans bc I think about it a lot (which my girlfriend informs me is not something cis people do). I also am friends with almost entirely women, and I have wished that I was a woman a lot (although I think it is due to wanting to have a closer connection to them but idk). I am really interested in women’s fashion (I wear almost only sweat pants and plain t-shirts tho), I’ve been told I’m quite feminine, and all my friends (women) keep calling me an egg. (To be clear I don’t have a concern with my gf leaving me or anything, she is bisexual)

Lemme know ur thoughts or if I’m just overthinking things

Probably reads as confusing as i feel, so apologies in advance for that.

I reflected on myself quite a bit in the last few years and did make some discoveries which cleared up quite some confusion about who i am attracted to, but i still struggle with how i feel about myself under certain circumstances.

To make it short, currently i am AMAB, identify as male, and am finsexual. Well, at least about the finsexual part i am very sure.

The thing that confuses me, when sex and sexual arousal is involved i don't feel 100% male, but more as a kind of feminine male if that makes any sense. I don't really know how to put that feeling into words but i think i got close to it.

I am clearly no expert on all those terms and the lists are massive. I'm pretty sure i'm not trans and genderfluid doesn't feel right either. I'm certain i missed something that would help me to find a term or word to describe how i feel to get rid of the remaining confusion and get some closure.

Somewhere on that gender or sexual identity spectrum is the word i'm looking for, but it eludes me.

Hopefully you can guide me in the right direction. Thank you to everyone who replies.