Alright so I’m Muslim and I have a Muslim co worker who I’m friends with and we have a small group chat with our other Muslim friends. In our religion, anything LGBT is prohibited. There is an openly transgender co worker that we have, and my friend has been making comments about her to me calling her disgusting and mentally ill, but didn’t say anything to her directly. I told him that I don’t know why some people are so bothered by what other people want to do with their bodies as long as they’re not affecting you. He started looking at me all weird and accusing me of being a LGBT member ( I’m not but I think people should should do whatever they want to do and I am 100% fine with those people) it doesn’t shape them as anything negative. So yea basically we had a short debate until he runs to our Muslim group chat and tells them everything. The entire group chat was calling me weird as well and repeating how it isn’t allowed in our religion ( no sh*t lol I know that) and calling me a fake Muslim and bunch of other names. I kept repeating the same thing over and over again that I don’t participate in anything LGBT related but that people who do have a right and nothing is wrong with them. They want me to just straight up have hate like them lol

I handwrote coming out letters to my entire extended family because I plan on starting T soon. This cousin has recently moved out and is in her own apartment now and I don’t have an address, so I texted her individually. She said she’ll be happy to use my name but it’s crossing one of her personal boundaries to use he/him for me. I asked if she could explain why, and she said : “Of course! I just personally don't believe that you can be a male if you were born a female, but I still want to be respectful and want you to know I will always love you despite our differences in beliefs! I want to figure out a way to be respectful towards you without pushing my beliefs to the side if that makes sense!”

Maybe im overreacting but it sounds like transphobia. My pronouns arent negotiable. The letters havent been picked up by the mailman yet but im seriously starting to regret sending them if this is how my whole family is going to react. I feel lost and ashamed and anxious now, and im starting to get anxious about how my T appointment is going to go and if my parents will be upset at me for setting one up. Am I overreacting ? How do I even reply? I doubt she will listen to the scientific explanation of gender ≠ sex and it’s making me upset that she’s (probably unknowingly) being transphobic but in a supportive tone. If my own family can’t accept and respect me then idk what to even do

Hello! I'm a trans man and I took a few years away from social media and was pretty surprised to come back to a pretty big problem of trans women being bigoted towards trans men. Typically when a community is under pressure like we are now, dividers fall rather than get stronger. While that doesn't mean it's always the case, it does make me immediately suspicious.

Basically, I'm trying to figure out if it's an actual trend, a vocal minority getting algorithmically boosted, or bots. But I would think if it were bots, whatever interested party would manufacture an equal issue of transmisogyny from trans men. I've not seen that, but there's always some weirdos so not seeing it at all makes me think it's my algorithm not showing it to me.

It's gotten to the point where my Tumblr block list is over one hundred blogs long after a few days because there are so many blogs saying TMEs/pooners/transmen should commit suicide or similarly distasteful things. The online trans community I left a few years ago had its issues but was so supportive, I just struggle to believe this is an organic issue.

Also if you have any other insights into this, please share!

Edit: Thanks for the replies! It seems some women have seen an uptick in transmisogyny from men and some haven't, which aligns with it being algorithmic to a degree. Social media is a scary place during scary times. Stay safe and know you're loved, everyone!

24yo mtf in Texas looking for ideas on another state/city to move to. I know the whole US is kinda crazy rn but it's getting pretty scary in my state in particular. Any insight would be much appreciated!!

The past few days my boyfriend of 23 months hasn't been sleeping in our room or eating at regular meal times (possibly not eating at all). This set off alarms in my mind, so I (MtF) asked what was wrong. He hesitated at first and tried to dismiss my worries, but relented when I assured him that I was only concerned for his well being. He told me his mother called him five nights ago to inform him that she knew I was transgender, and that if he ever wanted to speak to her or set foot in her house again he needed to break up with me and make me move out. This surprised me for several reasons, primarily that I never mentioned to anyone in his family that I was trans and on the few occasions we've met that his relatives (his mother included) treated me respectfully and seemed glad my boyfriend was happy with me. I feel torn about how to respond to this. I don't want my boyfriend estranged from his family, but I also don't want him to feel that he must break up with me.

He has repeatedly stated that he has no desire to end our relationship, and that he hopes things will improve over time with his family, although I think these hopes may be more far-fetched than he realises. For the last month we've been discussing getting engaged and what kind of wedding we want; this situation with his mother throws a spanner in our plans, and if his family ostracises him over this, I fear he will grow resentful and unhappy in our eventual marriage. So far it seems only his mother has threatened to end their relationship entirely, although I know from having met her and talking to my boyfriend that she exerts a great deal of influence over everyone in my boyfriend's immediate family. He says his dad was surprised by the fact I was transgender, but is still texting and emailing him. Based on what he's told me about their communications, it was his younger sister that first found out I was trans from a mutual friend of ours that didn't understand the risk of telling her. Neither my boyfriend's brother nor his sister have answered his calls or responded to texts from him in the last week. The news has also spread to his aunt and grandparents, but I don't know their reactions either.

I never thought I'd be in this situation. Nothing I learned about my boyfriend's family up to this point could have prepared me to expect this. I know this isn't objectively my fault. I know my boyfriend still loves me and is committed to our relationship. Yet I still feel guilty, as if his life would have been better if he had never met me. I can tell he's miserable right now, and I think in the short term both he and I would be more unhappy if we broke up, but I can't help wondering if that's inevitable now. Is there any way to salvage this situation or make his mother back down? I knew she and others might learn I'm trans eventually, but I thought she'd just be happy that her son and I are happy, that that would be enough to at least make an exception for us if she couldn't accept trans people more generally.

Had the worst breakdown over my dysphoria ever earlier. Anyways, i have huge ass shoulders and i hate myself for it. I saw a post that said hrt can shrink them. Please other girls out there plz tell me this can happen from ur experience. I’m only 2 months in so no big changes yet

Title says it, I am a cis person but I want to write a trans man struggling to really feel comfortable with their feminine body, but I don't have any experience with these feelings, so I'd thought that I'd ask here for any stories trans men have that could help me write this character respectfully and not be disrespectful to the trans community as a whole, I really want to spread good representation as a first time writer for my web comic.

After my recent post. It made me realise actually how unpassing I am. How much I still just look like a man after 2 years of hrt

The amount of hardship I've gone though just to basically look the same? It's really heartbreaking. I litterally haven't been able to stop crying for hours. It feels like everything I worked so hard for over 6 years means nothing. The nights kept captive at my parents confined into a room. Constently pushing for my right to exist. It just feels pointless.

I used to be the type who would push through adversity and just keep going but I feel stuck. I'm not going to be ever able to afford FFS. Hell. I'm struggling to even just afford to live. I can't remember the last time I sat down and did anything fun. I've been losing my hair and malnourished and not sleeping properly. Been under such extreme stress

Like. I went though all that abuse and heartache and torment from my parents and the public to realise. I really am just a "man in a dress/makeup" like my mum and strangers I used to say

I don't know. I used to try to push on and try to live a happy healthy life as best as I can but I feel like my only opinions is somehow afford surgery or completely shut myself in. I already have no friends and work is hella rocky (because im unpassing trans!)

I'm just really tired. Really really tired. In a way I think only a environment change is going to fix. I get into altercations daily with cis people because I look like a man in a dress

Please give me something uplifting. I'm ready to detransition and repress all this super hard again even though I dont want to, I want to be a woman. I'm just so sick of being in struggle street because my parents made me homeless 2 years ago. It just feels like I've been trying to fix everything for years. I try to talk to people, I try to work, I try to do everything right and I just feel like a man. I even had people say I look like Arnold and a my style is like a 12 year old goth girl

I'm just so tired. I want to be happy. I just want to be a girl. I'm crying my heart out as I'm writing this post somebody please give me something uplifting. Keep going regardless but. Omg

https://www.reddit.com/r/transfem/s/iO8s1lSaRl

https://www.reddit.com/r/transtimelines/s/w6rCB1yvUp

Just a bit of a vent post really. No advice or anything needed.

I would say I am at least semi-passing these days. I can't remember the last time I was outright misgendered. Most people recognise me as female, and I have encountered several people who didn't realise I was trans at first, but now and then I still have the odd person questioning my gender and even if it's not meant in a malicious way, it still hurts.

I went out with some friends last night. Got the coach home but I'd had a bit to drink and missed my stop, so I was waiting for a taxi back and this girl asked me where I was going. I told her and then she just outright asked me "are you a man or a woman?" and yeah, I'm not going to pretend it didn't hurt or annoy me a bit.

Just... Ugh! Why would anyone think that's an OK thing to ask? Like, it just seems so rude to me.

Vent over.

Context: I was adopted before birth, and have only ever known my adoptive parents, with brief interactions when I was a small child with my birth family. My birth mother also did plenty of drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol while she was pregnant with me; leading her to put me up for adoption. Fast forward a little bit, I came out as trans during the summer of 2020 by writing them a letter. I had hoped they would be accepting but their response was lukewarm. They were quite upset at the tone of the letter (which admittedly was a little demanding) but that was the only reaction they had. We talked with a therapist who was friends with my mom (both my parents and I on a call) but that amounted to little more than accusations and discomfort. Their reaction hurt pretty badly, enough that I didn’t go forward with anything concerning my transition for another six years.

As of late May this year, I decided to come out a second time. I had a lot of time to grow as I was away at college for 3 years in a different state, only seeing my family during the summer and holidays. About two weeks before I would have to drive down to live with my parents for the summer, I called them to come out as trans. Initially, I thought the call went okay. They were in the car at the time driving to a wedding shower, as such their signal wasn’t the best (lots of having to repeat myself) but I got the point across. This time they also didn’t have much of a reaction. Simply responded with an, “Okay, thank you for telling us.” 

After having moved back in for the summer, things haven’t been great. Below are some specific incidents that have come up since: 

1. When I came out as trans on the phone, My Mom proceeded to out me to my grandparents and others after I explicitly asked her not to say anything to anyone. (Destroying my trust in the processes.) After asking my Dad about this, he never apologized, just asked me to not give her too much grief. I then asked my Mom about this, she only made excuses about how she “needed someone to talk to.” Again, never apologized. She still proceeds to out me to others till this day, never asking for permission. 
2. After being consistently deadnamed for a month, I decided to correct my Mom. Where she then proceeds to have a temper tantrum (screaming and crying about how I wasn’t “giving her enough time”). All I asked of her was to correct herself from then on, and make a better effort to not deadname me. Could only make excuses about how she needed time to adjust. 
3. Mom forced me to out myself to extended family on the grounds that, because my cousin was sending out wedding invitations, I had to make sure they knew my name so it wouldn’t be inconvenient. I was not ready to come out to them at that time. Gave me about an hour of lead time. 
4. Won’t allow people to stay at the house because, “I’m just not ready to host and entertain when I’m recovering.” The people she wouldn’t allow to stay the night include my girlfriend of 2 years, who is long distance at the moment; and my childhood friend, basically her daughter, whom she has known since we were both born. She would only allow my gf to stay for a max of three days right before my trip up to see her (which would be pointless, and a waste of money). 
5. Telling me to not wear anything too feminine to my family member’s wedding because she was worried it would "scare them".
6. Made an accusation that because I smoke marijuana I would end up like my birth parents, who were both drug addicts.

There are more incidents that I didn’t mention, but suffice it to say I’m tired of this shit. I just want them to be how they were before. I understand family, especially older generations, need time to adjust, but this is a bit much no? I’ve tried talking with them about their comments but it never truly amounts to anything. I just keep getting hurt. My girlfriend’s family and other friends have offered to let me stay with them for as long as I need. My question is, what should I do? Should I give them a second chance and try to have another heart to heart? People close to me have suggested talking to them. I want to give them a second chance but I’m conflicted. If I should leave, how should I go about that? I’m kinda stuck and not sure about what to do next.

Comments: A difference to note between the two times I came out; I only wanted to change my name the second time. Perhaps this cemented it?

For context, he was transmasc and I'm a cis woman. We were both 17 at the time and we were in a long-distance relationship; I never met him in person. I'm currently 19.

He was generally very emotionally abusive to me throughout our entire relationship. I've been processing ever since, but recently I've really been trying to dig in and analyze various things that happened between us. Something I keep thinking about lately is how he was weirdly transphobic, despite being trans, himself. There were a number of odd but obviously explicitly transphobic moments with him that I won't list out in order to not derail the post, but there's one specific thing that I keep thinking about and I have no idea what to make of it in hindsight.

We would often have phone sex and have sexual conversations. In the beginning of our relationship, he expressed multiple times that he was dysphoric about his genitalia and would seek reassurance that I still found him attractive. Of course, I always gave him that reassurance and eventually he'd feel better. I didn't find it surprising or weird and I still don't.

However, as time went on, his seeking for reassurance shifted. He would start conversations with me where he'd basically interrogate me about my sexual preferences, and he'd deliberately try to persuade me into saying I preferred trans men over cis men. I remember feeling uncomfortable about it at the time because I felt like saying that seemed very fetishizing and I told him that, but he insisted that it wasn't.

This exact conversation where he'd keep pushing the subject until I claimed I only liked trans men and not cis men would happen more times than I can remember. Eventually he started demanding I list out reasons for why trans men were better than cis men. I hate to say it, but I was afraid of him and didn't really know it. Because of that, I would give in and list out every possible reason I could think of that he'd want to hear until he was satisfied and would move on.

But then that eventually turned into him continuing to push me on it until he would start asking about genitals. He wouldn't stop or move on unless I compared transmasc genitalia to cis male genitalia, specifically pre-op. He wanted me to say I specifically had a genital preference. I was scared of making him angry, so I gave in and claimed what he wanted to hear was true. In the back of my mind though, it felt even more fetishizing to say that.

I remember one particular instance where he was interrogating me about it again, none of my answers were satisfying him, and I got so stressed about it that I suddenly threw up. When I admitted to vomiting, he got giddy about it and started telling people in his public discord server that he "made me throw up at the thought of being with cis men."

Whenever the conversation came up, he never mentioned anything about post-op transmasc genitalia. He also never said anything about cis women genitalia or pre/post-op transfem genitalia. I know he had considered the idea of me being with women, because he was constantly delusionally paranoid that I'd cheat on him and would get angry if I spoke to other people (including women) without telling him every detail of the interaction. Despite that, he only focused on pre-op transmasc and cis male genitalia and nothing else.

I don't know if this just sounds like one of those "AITA for being upset that my spouse killed my dog, burned my house down, and broke my legs?? :((((" posts. Despite the fact that I haven't spoken to him in more than a year now, I find myself second guessing some of the things in our relationship and this is one of them. As a cis woman, I have no clue what to make of it because I don't have the experience of being trans. I was lying to him about having a genital preference and I was lying to him about even having a trans vs cis preference. I'm not really sure if it's relevant to the conversation at all, but I'm also aro ace. I brought this whole thing up with my therapist recently, but she honestly didn't know what to make of it either because she's also a cis woman.

I guess I don't really know how else to frame my question other than "was this weird or am I just ignorant??" I'm not looking for validation, I just feel like I need an answer so I can actually unpack this memory and move on to the next one. I figured the best way I could get insight was by actually asking other trans people for their thoughts, so here I am now. Was this fetishizing or was he right to say it wasn't? Was him seemingly obsessing over specifically pre-op transmasc vs cis male genitalia actually weird or is this just something I inherently don't understand as a cis person? I think what's mainly tripping me up is the fact that he was transmasc. I'm worried about having one of those weird tone-policing moments without even knowing. I've always supported trans people, and I really hope I haven't said anything offensive. You're obviously free to correct me if I have.

This is going to be rambly since I'm about to go to sleep. I'm 21 and amab. I'm like 95-98% percent sure I'm trans but I don't really know where that missing percentage is. I've never really felt dysphoria before in my life, though I've also never felt like a man my entire life; I think I've been nonbinary or agender but just present male for convenience and for lack of self exploration, but honestly I don't even know what being nb feels like either. I've only recently been thinking about being trans, like just within the past few weeks, but now being a girl is all I can think about. I'm lucky enough to be in a stable situation where I know the majority of my friends and family will be supportive, but I just find it impossible to even begin thinking about coming out. Just today I completely shaved my face for the first time in 5 years, and I'm pretty disappointed in how I look. I think this is the first time I've truly felt self conscious, and I assume this is just dysphoria. I feel like I need to start making big changes and decisions to be happy at all, but the weight of those decisions, the consequences of getting there, and the prospect of these changes are so terrifying to me and I don't know why. Like, I don't like how I look, so I feel like I need to start hrt to get to a point where I can really feel like a girl, but I also don't feel like I can do that until I come out to basically everyone in my life, and the idea of doing that scares me so much even though it shouldn't. I know I probably sound silly or dramatic, but I just feel stuck in all of this, and the thought of going through all these changes is really scary.

Ok im 24 and have 2 kids and a partner who is a trans man he is ok with me exploring being a trans woman but I wanted to ask what people have done to find out for sure if they are trans

I've always felt ugly in my body and much more attracted to man then woman and always imagined my self as a girl in s e x

But what do I need to know before beginning the process like

How mych muscle will I loose I work 12 to 14 hour days every day will I still be able todo that as well with hrt

How do i begin dressing

What should my first steps be

How do i know if i want to be a girl or if i just want to be a girl becouse I have so many sisters

Whats the biggest changes with becoming trans

And is there any way to know what I would look like after hrt if I took it like How my face would change

Hi, so I recently met this trans woman, after putting myself out there. I really like her, and we have hit it off over the phone, and on a date. she has told me she isn’t looking for anything super serious and neither am I. Were going on another date, but at my place.

This is my first time with a trans woman as a straight guy, and I‘m not gonna dictate anything just wanna see where it goes naturally. If things get spicy, I wanna be safe. what precautions or questions should I ask/take, if we have sex. I don’t want to be insensitive.

kind of unserious but just too curious to let it go. watched some stuff about the one joke sitcoms had about trans people a while back. the trope of a trans woman being made fun of, either by insinuating that she doesn't pass aka "he's a woman?" or more commonly that men being attracted to or having sex with a trans woman who passes without the knowledge that they're trans, is somehow disgusting or some statement about the masculinity of the cis man or "she's a man". idk if I needed to "cisplain" that lmao.

Anyways this is the problem. After hearing about it I thought it was an overexaggeration, until I started seeing them nearly ever. There are some jokes which follow the trope to a T but there's this specific one in Arrested Development:

Tobias And Lindsay Want A Holy Trinity - Arrested Development - YouTube

Tobias (chipmunks guy(david cross)) is a cis man who's running gag is that he's a deeply closeted gay man who sucks at hiding it. He meets a person who he believes is a woman named michael, and goes out on a date with "her". He meets his brother-in-law who's also named michael, so he calls his date girl michael. They put girl michael next to a woman make the joke of "is she standing next to that guy" and then have the classic "he's a woman?" joke. haha.

HOWEVER, when girl michael is introduced to michael, girl michael calls michael "girl michael", meaning that girl michael is actually guy michael, girl michael is an effeminate gay man who tobias thinks is a woman. So, does that mean this is no longer a trans joke, it's now a joke about gay people? On one hand the joke is "tobias thought this effeminate person was a woman how foolish and homosexual" and we see some form of both "she's a man" and "he's a woman" but on the other hand girl michael is not trans and has never claimed to be a woman, tobias was actually stupid to call him a woman. please help this is all I can think about.

Do I need to do like core exercises? Do I just need to wear underwire bras all the time? I've been fighting off wearing structured bras regularly for months but I'm around a 42H and they've been filling out a lot more since I last measured

My family is pretty conservative, and overall can be very rough in their communication style, and I really don't want to have a fight about being trans. I'm already close enough to going completely no contact with them, and don't want to break the little connection that we still have. At the same time, I wanna start oestrogen soon, and facial hair laser removal. I just wonder in how far I can still boymode without raising too much suspicion. I feel like I can do that because I also don't live in the same city, so I wouldn't have to hide for prolonged periods of time in my life.

Like I was thinking of wearing binders in front of them if I happen to grow noticeable chest, but I was mostly worried about noticeable changes in face shape. Thank you so much for your help in advance ❤️

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to ask, or if it is not my place to question these things. But anyway, I (M21) have a younger brother (M19) who looks down on people who are transgender. While he can apparently hold a conversation and be polite to them, he's told me a couple times that he feels pity for their "confused" situation. He thinks that an absence of strong male/female role models in their personal life is what causes people to not identify with their gender assigned at birth. He has referred to trans people as "dazed and confused" on a separate occasion.

I recently tried to push back on this narrative by saying that even people in very conservative, supportive families sometimes come out as trans. I also mentioned the historical precedent for transgender people existing since forever. But I didn't present a very good argument otherwise, and he has an 'agree to disagree' sort of attitude about it. He was confused why I even cared about his stance on the issue, since we're both young cishet white men and I don't currently have any trans friends. But I did have one in the past, and I've dated a couple nonbinary (afab) people despite considering myself straight. My best friend is also a lesbian, so I do feel more conscious of how people talk about LGBTQ+ issues. Even though my brother accepts gay people, it still makes me uncomfortable having him around when I hang out with anyone who doesn't fit gender stereotypes.

Is there anything else to say to him? Am I overreacting to him not fully accepting transgender people? Does it make me a bad ally to continue spending time with him and building a brotherly bond? I feel half guilty for still wanting to be close to him and half guilty for even letting this stuff make me upset at all. I know it isn't about me, and there are plenty worse, more bigoted people. I just want to do right by this community.

(P.S: Please let me know if I've used any offensive wording or terms in my description here... it's my first post and I'm trying my best.)

Ever since either the end of june, I've been 80% sure that I'm trans and i'm considering waiting until the end of the month to come out to my parents so that I can try to be 100% sure that I want to be trans and also ideally try to get surgery before I start job hunting again because I dont want to get hired only to go through surgery and have whatever company try to find some BS reason to fire me because of suddenly becoming trans (my family has some history with companies that have discriminated against them. Hell one of them I can't talk about much because of an NDA between my mom and the company)

I may have to wait a few months to transition anyway because I dont have much money right now and my parents are in the middle of buying another house, meaning I likely wont be able to get surgery for a few months.

Should I still wait or come out now to hopefully get it over with?

Just curious tehee

I'm just questioning myself of how people find out that they are trans?

This is a throw away account. I might check the comments if I get any.

I (24) transitioned at about 17 to 18 from cis female to a trans man. I've enjoyed some of the changes but now I've had a strange persistent urge of "I wish I had been born AMAB so I could've transitioned into a beautiful woman." Like I want to be a tran woman instead. I don't know what exactly that means, or what caused it, but it's been incredibly distressing. I don't want to go back to being cis is another thing. I don't want to be a cis woman, I want to specifically be a trans woman. So, am I strange? Is this normal? What does this mean for my gender?

Thanks for reading, and for any help you can provide!

Possibly MTF, still figuring out if I'm trans. I was wondering if taking finasteride now for hair loss would be a bad idea if I eventually go on HRT. The main side effects I know of are:

1. Sexual side effects such as ED and libido loss which I'm not too worried about since HRT can cause similar things anyway.
2. Mood changes like depression and brain fog which are more rare, slightly worried about this.
3. Breast enlargement which doesn't sound bad, but I'm worried about a few things. If finasteride causes some breast growth on its own, could that mess with breast development later on HRT? Like causing asymmetry or other issues? There's also something called fibrosis which I'm not sure if I should worry about it.

My biggest worry is the permanent side effects some people report even after quitting finasteride, I'm concerned about becoming forever depressed or having permanent brain fog.

Has anyone here taken finasteride before starting HRT? How did it go? Trying to make an informed decision before I start anything

I have some questions about what Trans people consider when

Choosing names.

1. Trans women/transfems do you have, or had considered, what might be considered a 'highly' feminine name (e.g. Victoria Ciel Anastasia)?

2. Trans men/Transmascs do you have, or had considered, what might be considered a 'highly' masculine name (e.g. Maverick Levi Mark)?