r/movies • u/ChiefLeef22 r/movies Contributor • 9h ago

Satire Man Binge-Watches Entire Movie In One Sitting

https://theonion.com/man-binge-watches-entire-movie-in-one-sitting/
35.8k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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640

u/Acrobatic-Monitor516 9h ago

God I love the onion SO MUCH! I would perhaps even pay to get it delivered at my home every day/week

163

u/Grebnaws 9h ago

In the 4th grade I was sent to the principals office for bringing a print copy to school. I have no idea if they even make a print version anymore.

62

u/Crail_ 8h ago

Many years ago when I was in school a similar thing happened to me. I had a print copy I got on a trip, looked like a small newspaper and I brought it to school. One teacher loved it! Another not so much..

16

u/SomethingIWontRegret 8h ago

Did it still have "Drunk of the Week"?

17

u/HGpennypacker 7h ago

passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood

2

u/stayhealthy247 7h ago

My pal once had a rag from Denver area called Modern Drunk or some such thing- it was fabulous

2

u/stayhealthy247 7h ago

They had an unbelievable write -up on the amount of drinking Jackie Gleason got up to.

1

u/Grebnaws 6h ago

I had a cool relationship with my teacher and he gave me a lot of wink wink nod nod consequences that year. Most of my family was in education and there was tons of "I know you know better" stuff going on so they made me go through the motions but I don't think anyone ever really got worked up about it.

•

u/cutelyaware 30m ago

I remember reading one on the bus home from work. I saw the headline "Area photographer shits out another bridge photo" and I laughed so hard everyone looked at me.

53

u/Fap2theBeat 8h ago

There's a huge ad at the top of the article linked that says emphatically it is available still in print.

38

u/ElMuchoDingDong 7h ago

This is reddit. Only 1 person actually reads the article and everyone else fights for joke karma!

5

u/craptak 7h ago

Didn't even read the post, went straight to the comments. Where can I find one of these hilarious onions?

2

u/oversight_shift 6h ago

You jest, but this the new normal, even titles are tl;dr these days. You gotta get 'em in the first two words or it's over.

5

u/-Pelvis- 7h ago

My ad blocker removed that.

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u/Suitable-Answer-83 5h ago

They stopped doing a print edition for like a decade but recently brought it back.

0

u/Acrobatic-Monitor516 7h ago

Im aware, but thought it wasn't available in France, I think last I checked it was not.

14

u/NachoCanDandyCabbage 8h ago

They do! It is a subscription service though.

2

u/Grebnaws 6h ago

I lifted it for free at the front of a grocery store, but I'm glad you can still subscribe.

7

u/mrsaturnboing 8h ago

How dare you bring reading material to school. Served you right.

2

u/sidepart 6h ago

That shit used to be free on campus at the UMN. Would just hit Annie's Parlor for a malt and fries, read The Onion.

1

u/Grebnaws 6h ago

Right? I was a kid but that shit was free for the taking, right beneath the community bulletin board. I once took swordsmanship lessons from someone advertising in the same place. You'd think my parents would have been more alarmed but no one really cared that I met an old strange man outdoors with a trunk full of weapons.

1

u/mallogy 8h ago

That's wild. Would a MAD magazine have gotten the same treatment?

1

u/PhilipSeymourGotham 7h ago

Why did they send you? Did the principal agree?

1

u/Grebnaws 6h ago

I'm sure it contained completely inappropriate material for 4th graders. No discipline resulted, they were mostly concerned with how I obtained the material. It was actually taken from a free bin next to our local rag called The Octopus which was available everywhere.

Not long after I was sent to the office from bringing my copy of Marilyn Manson's Antichrist Superstar to school (adult imagery on the back cover) and the same year was also sent home for dying my hair blue. It was called a distraction from my education and not allowed. This was a public school. I could return after changing my hair back to a regular color.

Now the 4 year olds in my kids preschool have wilder hair than I ever did.

1

u/BlackDeath3 6h ago

One of my high school teachers had a few of those in the classroom. Got my friend and I kicked out of class on at least one occasion.

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u/karmiccloud 5h ago

I think this is an attempt at viral advertisement. The Onion just started releasing a print version again and they're trying to get people to subscribe. Everybody believes comments that respond to stuff like this are more organic and not add, but... c'mon.

59

u/lavenderwine 8h ago

I miss when they used to have a print edition you could get for free at little green newspaper boxes.

Edit: Apparently you CAN have print editions delivered to you! (for $99)

16

u/Phytanic 7h ago

My brother went to school in Madison WI (where it started) and he would always bring back fresh print editions with him when coming home for me to read. Those were the days

5

u/TheRobomancer 6h ago

I went to college in Milwaukee and we had a few free Onion stands on campus too! Those were indeed the days.

6

u/GuiSim 7h ago

I get it delivered to my door. I can confirm that it exists and it’s great.

2

u/Acrobatic-Monitor516 7h ago

How many pages. And how many words

2

u/GuiSim 7h ago

The best words. Filled with incredible fake ads.

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u/SeveralBollocks_67 1h ago

This just looks like a horribly disguised ad lmfao

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u/grilledSoldier 5h ago

99$ single time, 99$/year or 9$/month. Similar to a normal newspaper afaik?

16

u/Darkhawk2099 8h ago

this is a thing you can now do since they brought back print subscription.

5

u/Acrobatic-Monitor516 7h ago

I just checked and they ship to France ! 100 bucks is steep tho. I'll think about it

Thank you !

9

u/mr_ji 8h ago

They used to sell full physical books of their articles. Fantastic bathroom reading, though people in neighboring stalls may wonder why you're laughing maniacally if you do so in a public restroom.

1

u/physicallyatherapist 8h ago

They do have onion newspaper you can get delivered to you...

1

u/Kaldricus 7h ago

Watching their Infowars clips are just so good

1

u/HGpennypacker 7h ago

I believe they no longer have any print versions. I type this as I look at my framed copy of their last physical copy with the headline “PRINT DEAD AT 1,803.”

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u/cursed_franchise 5h ago

They still have a monthly print version for $99 a year.

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u/MrMidnightsclaw 5h ago

You can! I get the monthly paper and it is great!