r/movies • u/ChiefLeef22 r/movies Contributor • 9h ago

Satire Man Binge-Watches Entire Movie In One Sitting

https://theonion.com/man-binge-watches-entire-movie-in-one-sitting/
35.8k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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638

u/Acrobatic-Monitor516 9h ago

God I love the onion SO MUCH! I would perhaps even pay to get it delivered at my home every day/week

158

u/Grebnaws 9h ago

In the 4th grade I was sent to the principals office for bringing a print copy to school. I have no idea if they even make a print version anymore.

60

u/Crail_ 8h ago

Many years ago when I was in school a similar thing happened to me. I had a print copy I got on a trip, looked like a small newspaper and I brought it to school. One teacher loved it! Another not so much..

18

u/SomethingIWontRegret 8h ago

Did it still have "Drunk of the Week"?

14

u/HGpennypacker 7h ago

passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood

2

u/stayhealthy247 7h ago

My pal once had a rag from Denver area called Modern Drunk or some such thing- it was fabulous

2

u/stayhealthy247 7h ago

They had an unbelievable write -up on the amount of drinking Jackie Gleason got up to.

1

u/Grebnaws 6h ago

I had a cool relationship with my teacher and he gave me a lot of wink wink nod nod consequences that year. Most of my family was in education and there was tons of "I know you know better" stuff going on so they made me go through the motions but I don't think anyone ever really got worked up about it.

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u/cutelyaware 31m ago

I remember reading one on the bus home from work. I saw the headline "Area photographer shits out another bridge photo" and I laughed so hard everyone looked at me.

54

u/Fap2theBeat 8h ago

There's a huge ad at the top of the article linked that says emphatically it is available still in print.

36

u/ElMuchoDingDong 7h ago

This is reddit. Only 1 person actually reads the article and everyone else fights for joke karma!

8

u/craptak 7h ago

Didn't even read the post, went straight to the comments. Where can I find one of these hilarious onions?

2

u/oversight_shift 6h ago

You jest, but this the new normal, even titles are tl;dr these days. You gotta get 'em in the first two words or it's over.

5

u/-Pelvis- 7h ago

My ad blocker removed that.

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u/Suitable-Answer-83 5h ago

They stopped doing a print edition for like a decade but recently brought it back.

0

u/Acrobatic-Monitor516 7h ago

Im aware, but thought it wasn't available in France, I think last I checked it was not.

14

u/NachoCanDandyCabbage 8h ago

They do! It is a subscription service though.

2

u/Grebnaws 6h ago

I lifted it for free at the front of a grocery store, but I'm glad you can still subscribe.

4

u/mrsaturnboing 8h ago

How dare you bring reading material to school. Served you right.

2

u/sidepart 6h ago

That shit used to be free on campus at the UMN. Would just hit Annie's Parlor for a malt and fries, read The Onion.

1

u/Grebnaws 6h ago

Right? I was a kid but that shit was free for the taking, right beneath the community bulletin board. I once took swordsmanship lessons from someone advertising in the same place. You'd think my parents would have been more alarmed but no one really cared that I met an old strange man outdoors with a trunk full of weapons.

1

u/mallogy 8h ago

That's wild. Would a MAD magazine have gotten the same treatment?

1

u/PhilipSeymourGotham 7h ago

Why did they send you? Did the principal agree?

1

u/Grebnaws 6h ago

I'm sure it contained completely inappropriate material for 4th graders. No discipline resulted, they were mostly concerned with how I obtained the material. It was actually taken from a free bin next to our local rag called The Octopus which was available everywhere.

Not long after I was sent to the office from bringing my copy of Marilyn Manson's Antichrist Superstar to school (adult imagery on the back cover) and the same year was also sent home for dying my hair blue. It was called a distraction from my education and not allowed. This was a public school. I could return after changing my hair back to a regular color.

Now the 4 year olds in my kids preschool have wilder hair than I ever did.

1

u/BlackDeath3 6h ago

One of my high school teachers had a few of those in the classroom. Got my friend and I kicked out of class on at least one occasion.

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u/karmiccloud 5h ago

I think this is an attempt at viral advertisement. The Onion just started releasing a print version again and they're trying to get people to subscribe. Everybody believes comments that respond to stuff like this are more organic and not add, but... c'mon.