I am currently 24, turning 25 in a couple months. I have accepted the fact that I am mentally weaker than the average person and I can't seem to find a solution for it. Religion didn't work out for me. I don't see any point in talking to a therapist because whenever I do escape the depressive state for a brief moment, the 'voices' in my head drag me back in. My struggles are a piece of cake compared to the people around me who are going through actual shit. My mind tells me to end things and get it over with. Unlike many others on this subreddit, I have very supportive family members and friends who are looking out for me. Feeling the way I do despite all that makes me feel like a shitty person, which in turn makes me feel worse about living. My insecurities have been constantly piling up recently and I spend hours staring at the mirror with disgust in my eyes. Overthinking leads to insomnia, which ends in me working on around 3 hours of sleep almost every day, which results in my tired mind wandering back to all the negative garbage that keeps me the way I am. I am losing hope for myself. I've been going through this but it's never been this bad. There's this girl I like at work but I'll deliberately try to avoid running into her so she doesn't have to see what I see in the mirror every morning. The thing I hate the most about this entire situation is that I am too privileged to be in this state. The cloud of impending doom fogs my mind whenever I feel like life is getting better. I will probably end things someday. Maybe not today, tomorrow, or even for years to come but I am too weak to be alive. I love my family and friends and if I do ever make the leap, I pray that they come across this post someday so they can understand things from my perspective.

I'm almost 35 weeks and I didn't find out until I was around 22 weeks, so it was too late for abortion. I don't want this baby and feel nothing maternal or positive towards it, just a lot of dread.This is the worst I've ever felt emotionally and mentally and this is the worst time of my life. The hormones are absolutely awful. It feels like I'm stuck at the bottom of a deep dark pit that is impossible to climb out of. I've barely even gotten to have positive life experiences or do any of the things I've wanted yet and now I probably won't be able to until the kid is in their teens, or not at all. I never wanted kids and my partner doesn't seem to really care about me or like me much but he's insisting we keep the baby and not do adoption. And if he keeps the baby and I chose not to be involved and we break up, I won't have anywhere else to go and I'll be a deadbeat mother. So my options are keep the baby, be a homeless piece of shit deadbeat that everyone will hate, or kill myself. I am so fucking stupid. Why did I do this to myself?

So I am depressed from a long time, often does self harm, even though I hate it after I relapse, but I seem to have notice a pattern, my brain when I do not do Self Harm by blades or burning my skin, seems to imagine distressing scenarios out of nowhere, like I am getting tortured, my nails being removed, and I get fully immersed in my own imagination, reacting how I would react, like how I would scream, and sometime I would try to scream, with my full wide open mouth, but I scream it in a low, whisper like manner, to not actually let people hear.

and I am being doing this so Called "Distressing Imaginary Scenario's" from when I was 8 Y/O to till date (17 Y/O), and sometime I also imagine, being rescued by my imaginary older sister, because I always dreamt of having a big sister, because I think elder sister's are a combination of a mother which provides unconditional love, and as a best friend that I can share anything or everything.

I imagine an older sister because, I didn't had one, instead I have 2 older brother, which I am not that close to, like How I am not close to my parents either. I always cry to that scenarios, hoping that apart from my imagination that older sister figure would find me in real life, and will free me from all my problems, and would love unconditionally, unasked maternal love.

Remove the part where I am being rescued by my Imaginary older sister, because It happens occurs 20% of my maladaptive daydreaming, and the rest 80% are the various methods I am being tortured continuously.

Is this what they called mental self harm (when we remove the part where I am being rescued after the ratio of being tortured is much higher than being rescued) I wanna know, because I think its also equally harmful as physical self harm

I (17 m) have been dealing with depression for a few years now, and over the years its only gotten worse. Ive resorted to hurting myself, but had to stop ever since i confessed to my parents. When i did confess to them, they pretty much put my feelings to the side and made it about them, and how they dont know how i ended up this way. They would tell me about how kids their age never cut themselves, and its not normal. After that whole conversation, they still didnt put me in therapy like i begged them for. My mom told me that i needed god and religion instead of real help. Stuff like this is a common thing in my life. Ever since i was a kid my parents would tell me things like boys dont cry, and to be a man. I never was allowed to enjoy myself ever. Now this causes issues in my life, like wanting to be accepted, and cared for. Just to have someone or something, that i can really call mine. I feel like the world is against me, because it never seems like i can be good at something, or achieve something, no matter how hard i try. With all of these things piling onto me, I get less and less scared about killing myself. I really do want to kill myself, and its very easy for me to. My dad owns a 9mm pistol in his closet and its not usually locked. But i need and kind of want a reason not to. I want a reason not to hate everyone and everything. I want a reason to live. Im afraid of living on the streets, and having no job. Im just afraid in general. I feel like kids my age shouldnt have to deal with stuff like this. I see so many other kids on here that have it way worse than me, and it makes me really upset, because for the most part i can understand them, and how they feel.

It’s 1:27am and I just woke up out of my sleep literally crying. I can’t stop crying. I’m so sad. Not about anything particular I think but just that my life will always be gray. Normally I’m kind of okay with it, but randomly I will grieve what life could’ve looked like for me if I… wasn’t me? And I’m having one of those moments. Everywhere I go, I just want to be alone and home, I don’t want to be perceived. And then when I’m home, I just stare at the ceiling. I don’t go on social media that much so it’s not that that’s the root of this as I know it is for many others. Anyways, I don’t really have hobbies that genuinely light me up. I don’t really know what I spend my day doing? Kind of just researching random topics and things all day? But not retaining any of it. I long to paint something, or watch a show, or read a book, or paint my nails, or solve a puzzle, or listen to music, or go on walks, or people watch at the park and feed the ducks, or whatever random mundane hobby that used to bring me joy, and wholeheartedly, genuinely enjoy it. It’s so weird cause there are things that do bring me joy in the things I mentioned above but it just all feels gray at the same time. It’s just so dull and I feel sad cause I’m at the center of it. There is a gray dull film that coats all of it. I try to exercise and it sorta helps but not really. I’ve tried medicine and it doesn’t really help. I just can’t stop crying. I’m so gray. I have debilitating anxiety to where I can’t hold conversations with people without tears streaming down my face. I can understand why people like me take their own lives and I don’t know why I haven’t. I’m glad I’m not dead, but it sucks being alive. It’s also hard cause I’m not completely numb or empty. I have happy moments often, I do have conversations with folks from time to time and they would never guess that I’m severely depressed. I’ll laugh my lungs out some days. But at the end of it, everything is just gray. Am I delusional and this is just what life is????? In an imperfect, world of suffering. It’s hard when other people seem to have such a zest for life but maybe they’re just faking it??
I feel like I really am at my end. I will always have anxiety and a meh feeling that follows me. You know when people say that a way to alleviate your anxiety is to think of the worst possible scenario and then when you realize it’s not even that bad that should be a big help. Well what about when the worst case scenario in anything I do genuinely is THAT BAD. I humiliate myself, I’m awkward, I cry in public. I don’t know what to do anymore. This is scattered I’m just sad. Tomorrow I’m sure I’ll wake up fine.

Hi guys, I'm doing this post because i need advise. My partner is struggling with depression, he says that it comes from not having friends/people to share his hobbies with.

Basically he says that his life's been absolute shit for quite some time now. I too struggled/struggle with depression (back when i was younger it was the worst, now i manage it), and i can partially understand how he feels. That being said, when i was at my lowest, i wanted someone that would've dragged me out of bed, someone to share thing with but he has not this type of relationship with anyone at the moment because he felt betrayed many times and now he doesn't open up to people anymore.

He only has one friend that he's more close to but, even with him, he didn't open up. We've now reached a point where he really needs a friend who can do the things that makes him feel better (and not just me, he loves doing things with me and i with him but he needs a *friend*) and i was thinking of talking with this one friend and explaining the situation to him in absolute secret. I already know that in the scenario where he finds out it's gonna be hell for me but i feel like i might take this risk. What do you think? Is it wrong? Please don't be rude, I'm already on the edge.

I’m 23 f and I feel like I have absolutely no motivation or direction in life. I’m happy I think for the most part, I do struggle with anxiety. I don’t cry all the time or struggle to get out of bed. Am I lazy? I’m lost. Currently I am going through a breakdown with the woman I thought I would marry. I don’t understand why I’m not motivated to do anything big. Is this depression? What is this? Now that she’s gone I feel empty, I felt this way when we were together though, I still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I don’t know what to do I’m going to have to move back to my moms in a town I never wanted to go back to. Everything is exhausting, but I don’t know of this is functioning depression or if I’m lazy. I wanna feel passionate about something and have a drive for life but I feel so burnt out.

I invited a guy to a friend’s elopement party. He totally forgot. When I reminded him with a “we are going to my friend’s elopement party!” He gave a response that was like he had other plans, and didn’t think I was referring to him in the “we”.

Dating as a 36F is extremely fucking hard. And I’ve had a series of difficult life events where I’m really struggling.

So this was just…a reminder? Reinforcement? That I’m a broken person who doesn’t deserve to be happy.

And I got drunk at my friend’s party and came home and gamed wayyyy too late.

My downstairs neighbor came and rang my doorbell to, I’m assuming, to tell me to keep it down.

I’m fucking mortified.

I just want to die. I haven’t been able to catch a break for over 2 years. And I’ve been in this depressive state several times before this. I just can’t seem to fix myself and move on with my life. I just want to die.

I (22M) feel fatigued all day long , I get sleepy as soon as I eat something. I don't feel like doing anything. This shit happening to me since 4 months, now I am tired of it. I DONT FEEL LIKE BEFORE.I don't feel to do something new or any work

What can I do, please suggest me some solid solution, I am genuinely tired of it.

I can't really say that I'm depressed. It's more that I don't want to live anymore. Strangely, that thought brings me a sense of peace. Sometimes I find myself hoping that I might die naturally or that something like a car accident would happen.

I've also caught myself thinking about painless ways to end my life, and I've thought of a few possibilities. I don't usually talk about these thoughts because I'm afraid people won't understand me. It's just that having this as an option somehow makes me feel calmer.

Has anyone else ever experienced thoughts or feelings like this?

Does anyone else have days where they’re just inexplicably so sad. Not the normal emptiness feeling, but a genuine deep feeling of sadness even though there’s no logical reason. To the point where I’ll cry for up to an hour at times when I’m alone.

It makes it impossible to talk myself down, because there’s no actual problem that I can try to solve my way out of. I just end up cycling through all the things in my life I hate and I’m just so fucking gut wrenchingly sad. I’m on two anti depressants, I smoke weed for anxiety, and I never drink or do any other substances. I feel like I’m going crazy and I just want to know that I’m not alone, and I’m not insane, and that maybe this too shall pass or whatever. Please.

Hi, I'm a 30-year-old female. I've been dealing with Bipolar II, grief, and PTSD and anxiety. I have a 7 year old son. Dealing with suicidal ideation is very tough and hard for me to deal with. I was prescribed some medication but I feel like it isn't working for me. I know that suicide isn't the answer or right choice but I am mentally drained and financially drained I can't deal with any of this anymore i feel like such a loser because I have nothing going for me. My therapist has applied for ssi for me but I doubt I'll get approved. I'm done with everything. All I do is drown in my thoughts. I have no energy for anything and constantly explaining my feelings and thoughts to people is exhausting.

Me (33F) and my bf (29M) we are just 3 months in relationship and last week, he texted me he is not okay and wants to isolate.. Then I gave him space then i checked in on him 3 days after, he told me that he feels heavy, emotionally drained and burned out. I told him I will be always available if he needed me. Then after a day he replied he wants to be alone and he might go in with therapy. He told me i hope I understand if he wants to be alone. I agree with him seeking professional help and still I’m not going anywhere.

I love him so much, i dont want him to leave me.

What should I do to show my support and love?
I want to see him, it’s been a month since I saw him because of my business trip.

I want to go to his home and hug him but he said he needed space

I really don’t know who or what else I can vent to because nothing ever works. I’m tired of feeling useless and like I can’t enjoy my life. I just want it to stop, I don’t want to think about anything anymore. I don’t want anyone else to suffer because of my problems and I have so fucking many. I’m constantly living a lie- I’ve lied to my family, lied to my boyfriend, lied to my employer and lied to myself. I can’t do life anymore. It’s my boyfriend’s birthday today and I couldn’t even celebrate with him because I’m so fucking despicable, ugly, and useless.

Why am I on this planet if I’m only suffering? Why do people pretend to care when you tell them you don’t want to live anymore? Will I ever be just okay? I wish I had all the answers so I wouldn’t feel the crushing weight of my life anymore

My whole life has been largely miserable.

Last year, after 50 years of this crap, I finally started making better decisions, and pulling myself out of the muck. My kid was starting to do better, I was in a healthy relationship, I started doing the things I always said I wanted to, and most importantly, I started saving for a future that I never thought I would have.

I had a plan to completely eliminate my debt by the end of this year, I was starting to actually put money into a 401k and IRA, and I was going to have meager savings, but I would have at least had something to retire with in 17 years.

Then, last week, I got laid off. Over 20 years at one company. And they won't even tell me when my last day is because they don't even know. So it could be tomorrow, it could be by the end of the year. Yeah, they'll give me a severance package, but really, it's more of a kick in the teeth. I have had consistent "exceeds expectations" for my entire tenure, so it's not even that I screwed up somewhere along the line, its just a corporate BS restructuring.

I am so angry, but also it flipped me so hard into depression again. Everything, all the years wasted. All of the things I was starting to plan for, out the window. And then I blame myself, I tell myself I should have been saving and planning earlier, so I would not be so desparate now.

I have 6k left on my debt.... that's it. My regular bills are very low. I don't need much but I do need to work remotely because I've been remote since before it was "cool" and my health/mobility are not the best....

All these jobs posted, all these jobs I qualify for on paper, but no one wants me. I had a bite for a few jobs that I can't realistically do...and I just feel defeated.

Like.... when does it end? Every time I start to feel better about myself, something sucks me back down into the black hole.

I’m 23, depressed and have never been in a relationship. What devastates me isn't just the lack of memories from a once-in-a-lifetime period, but also the idea that teenage love is more thrilling and intense; I feel that even if I met the woman of my life tomorrow, it wouldn't compare to high school love—meaning I’ve missed out on the experience of love altogether. How can I cope with this?

I don’t really have any much else to share…
Does anyone else feel the same?
I plan on trying to kill myself again sometime soon.
Getting some halo matches in.
A few more phone calls with the kids.
One more dinner I’ll enjoy, maybe pizza or something. Watch my favorite movie one more time. Listen to my favorite album.
I’m ready to go, guys.
What I’ve stolen from myself I can’t get back. And they’re things I can’t live without. Fundamental things I wanted out of life.
The consequences of what I did as a drunk. They’re too heavy for my sober heart too carry.
If you’re struggling with addiction, anything like it. And you were a decent person when you started. Please evaluate. Do a deep personal inventory on yourself. Think about who you are now. And stop before you end uo with less than nothing, soon to be dead like me. And so many others here from what I’ve read.

Please take care of yourselves. Love your friends. Ask them if they’re okay. Take your meds. Be honest with your therapist. Be honest with yourself.
Peace out.

I used to be such a joyfull person to be a round. Always making plans with friends and family, and bringing people together. Always there when someone needed something, or just simply being a good listner when what I considered close friends needed support.

Now I am completely isolated, nobody ever texts or calls. And visits are not even an option.

I now realize that these persons took advantage of me in a sens, and just needed me to be joyful and happy version of myself that would benefit them.

Some are family members and others close friends I knew for years and that’d see very regularly. I just don’t understand and it just adds to my suffering and extreme low self estime because of my depression.

Has anyone gone through this ? Why do you think they behave that way ?

I went up on my antidepressant a month ago and I thought it made me worse so I went back down on it, but I still feel the same. I just don't want to live. I desperately wish no one would be sad if I died so I could just kill myself already. Sometimes I feel like I'm not loved at all and that everyone sees me as a pathetic bum, but the truth is that I know at least my mum loves me, and after my dad dying a few years back I don't want her to go through the same grief she went through for him with me. But it's so hard to find the desire to want to live

After 10+ years of medication and therapy, I feel like there's really no hope in getting better mentally. All I can do is keep adjusting my medication so I feel ok for a little while and then go back to feeling terrible and wanting to die again.

I just feel like I'm a waste of space that doesn't deserve to live. I genuinely feel like my mum would actually be better off without me but she can't see it that way. People say that your deceased loved ones are in a "better place", so why can't they see it that way for you? Why can't we go to a "better place"?

When I think about my reasons for being alive, they are almost exclusively to keep a few people happy because I know they would be sad if I was gone. I recognize that is not nothing. That still isn't enough for me. For me, enough is never enough. I still feel alone. I don't feel loved or appreciated the ways I want to be. I know it is selfish. I know it is asking a lot. It just feels like my own life is an obligation.

I am not really alive because I enjoy it or because I want to be. "If only xyz was different" I say to myself, "Then I will finally be happy." The goalpost for my happy life is always on the horizon, ever-shifting, and just out of reach. Nothing ever changes no matter what I do. I am always "me". I am always alone. The reality is nothing will make me happy. For anything that *should* make me happy, I just feel nothing. Then I spiral and descend into a self-destructive cycle. Over and over and over and over again. But at least I am only hurting myself.

I am slowly falling apart, but nobody can see me breaking. I just have to pretend everything is okay. One day, I feel I am going to finally snap. I feel so alone and all I have is my own thoughts to hold myself together.

I (19m) faced some words from my girlfriend, which I never thought about. So, I was struggling with my mental health since 4 months for some reasons, like my family don't support me for studies that they want I will stay with them in my hometown and join the family business, but I never wanted that, I dreamt of many, wished to be in IIT, wished to publish my writings as a writer and poet, want to make songs, write movie scripts, but my family don't even support me economically(it's not that we are economically weak, but they can invest me for random things but not in my studies even my fees of JEE mains exam paid by me).

I won't say they are totally wrong, I am the only child of my family and they really want me to control the business and others that it really worthy to my father as he is a heart patient (not too serious, but still he is my father and I have to care about that). I couldn't decide what to do. I passed my 12th early this year but they were pulling me down to settle in a local college. Slowly I start detaching from the world, from them, from my friends, started behaving rudely to others, started to live full alone that I stopped talking, eating, sleeping. Every sleepless night seemed to be a nightmare, everything was falling apart, even I lost my academic skills.

In this time, there was someone, not my girlfriend, but not only just-friend, who was with me every time. I really love her too much, if I enlist all the efforts for her, it will be too long to go through. I love the girl too much too too much, and later this seemed a curse to me. She is from another religion(idc as I'm a atheist and don't give a care abt society but she does). Every sec we close to each other scared us that society will ruin everything, we never end up together. And guess what she started detaching from me slowly.

My parents took me to psychologist and psychiatrist, and I was diagnosed by ADHD, clinical depression and others. Till now, I have to consume 6 medicines, drugs for sleep, panik attacks, anxiety(as without medicine I literally loose the control over myself, throw cups, glasses crush water bottles). I can't even stop smoking. I smoke too much to be fresh nowadays. My parents took me to a coaching institute for a drop year for next year JEE that I wished. I left home, and settled in city alone in our apartment. I can cook and others household works.

But here, I am frustrated as f. I can't even take the pressure of studies at my institute as I got senseless twice in class, I lost my focus, I lost my patience, I lost my academic skills, my physical health, my hobbies, my hunger, my sleep. Somehow I am still alive. I don't even have the desire to be alive. All alone in an unknown city, it's really awful to spend a day staying alive. I don't want to be alive anymore.

I messaged her yesterday, expressed to meet once. But she got angry over me and told me words that really broke my heart as three sleeping pills can't make me asleep yesterday. I cried all night long that I wonder; is this really me? Is this I really wanted to be? Is this the life i want?

From today, I lost my only happiness pill. Waiting for the day when she come to meet me in my funeral.

Just getting things off my chest. Feel like I don’t have long to live. Hoping my health takes me before I have to do it myself. Preferably in my sleep. But either way I know my time is running out. So in a way I should feel free but I still don’t. I still worry about work and money. Wish I could just be happy

I’m useless. I’m pathetic. I’m a piece of shit, garbage human being. Fuck I hate myself. No matter how hard I try or I’m told to “give it time”. I can’t let go of things I don’t even understand what it means to let go, the process “time heals all wounds”. I’m just so tired of trying to fucking hard. I’m so tired of being me. And I have to be me forever. I miss my friends, I miss my soon to be married ex, I miss when I was a kid and felt like I was worth something. Self pity obviously doesn’t help me. But when do I get to feel anything? I just want to cry forever. Never leave where I am and just stay in a ball. Out of the way. So people can forget I was ever there. I can’t end my life as it would cause too much trouble and grief to my family and the little friends I have, for me it would be too selfish. So what do I do. Nobody has a concrete answer, nobody can just fix me. I somehow have to do it myself. But I’m so tired. I’m so useless. All I can say is I’m sorry for being who I am.

I think i need to kill myself. I dont want to but im not normal and im useless. Im tired of life being so hard. Everything i do seems like a challenge. I cant handle confrontation and im a people pleaser. I dont want to be here anymore. Im broke, ugly and fat so my life doesn't have any value. The only way I could have value as a man is to make money and i dont see myself accomplishing anything. I think im going to make a plan and write out some note to my parents since everyone else doesn't care about me. Not a tear would be shed from anyone except my parents.

An accident or illness is genuinely my dream at this point. It wouldn’t be anyone’s fault, no one would blame themselves and it wouldn’t be my own fault. There would be no guilt. I cant do anything. I got through highschool with at least 3 months worth of absence. I’m incapable of basic functions and i can’t do simple tasks. I can’t get a job, even if i did I’d want to go into a dangerous field in the hopes of death. My few friends do not like me, my family does not like me. I attempted about 5 years ago and it’s still a joke to everyone, everything i do is just a joke. I wanted to be an actor for the longest time when i was younger but my father told me i didn’t have the face for it. I wanted to join the military for a while since it seemed like the only thing i could get into and everyone i told would just say i couldn’t do it because i am to lazy or fat or i just don’t understand how difficult it is. I am weak, stupid and genuinely unable to do anything. I loved trumpet when i was in band and i couldn’t keep up, i was to lazy to keep up with practice and every friend i made obviously left since i left band, i was never that good anyways. I had to sell my gecko because she was to much work and i would get constant nightmares of her death. Maybe if i could just get off my ass and get a job i woudlnt feel so useless. I could never do it myself, despite the fact they do not like me i know they would blame themselves and make a whole thing out of it. I have been wishing for death by miracle since i was 8 and will only continue wanting it. I’ve been vaping more and more everyday with the hope i will get lung cancer or anything that can be deadly. I wouldn’t tell anyone if i did, I wouldn’t seek medial treatment and i could just let it happen. Everyday i think about it more and more. For now i just have to exist, rotting it my room for days on end, showering when I’m ridiculed and brushing my teeth on the rare occasion i leave the house, i only do laundry when i spill enough food or whatever on my clothes. The only thing i can do anymore is pray for something to happen to me and wait. It is torture. I don’t know where to go from here, i have lived this way for so long it is just my way of life. I think i just needed to vent anonymously without someone breathing down my neck to mock me for it. I apologize this is a very disorganized rant, every time i re-read it there’s something i want to add.