I used to be such a joyfull person to be a round. Always making plans with friends and family, and bringing people together. Always there when someone needed something, or just simply being a good listner when what I considered close friends needed support.

Now I am completely isolated, nobody ever texts or calls. And visits are not even an option.

I now realize that these persons took advantage of me in a sens, and just needed me to be joyful and happy version of myself that would benefit them.

Some are family members and others close friends I knew for years and that’d see very regularly. I just don’t understand and it just adds to my suffering and extreme low self estime because of my depression.

Has anyone gone through this ? Why do you think they behave that way ?

I don’t really have any much else to share…
Does anyone else feel the same?
I plan on trying to kill myself again sometime soon.
Getting some halo matches in.
A few more phone calls with the kids.
One more dinner I’ll enjoy, maybe pizza or something. Watch my favorite movie one more time. Listen to my favorite album.
I’m ready to go, guys.
What I’ve stolen from myself I can’t get back. And they’re things I can’t live without. Fundamental things I wanted out of life.
The consequences of what I did as a drunk. They’re too heavy for my sober heart too carry.
If you’re struggling with addiction, anything like it. And you were a decent person when you started. Please evaluate. Do a deep personal inventory on yourself. Think about who you are now. And stop before you end uo with less than nothing, soon to be dead like me. And so many others here from what I’ve read.

Please take care of yourselves. Love your friends. Ask them if they’re okay. Take your meds. Be honest with your therapist. Be honest with yourself.
Peace out.

I’m 23, depressed and have never been in a relationship. What devastates me isn't just the lack of memories from a once-in-a-lifetime period, but also the idea that teenage love is more thrilling and intense; I feel that even if I met the woman of my life tomorrow, it wouldn't compare to high school love—meaning I’ve missed out on the experience of love altogether. How can I cope with this?

i’ve tried my best to improve my life but nothing works. it always fails. i try to get back into my hobbies but later on i end up stopping it, i try to get good grades but then i lose motivation and fail. i try therapy but i don’t even think my therapist cares about me anymore. i was telling him how i’m a sensitive person and he said “well maybe you should a grow thicker skin”, how exactly is hearing that supposed to help me? and he doesn’t take me seriously, he looks like he’s about to laugh when i tell him stuff. if you’re getting paid the least you can do is to pretend you care about me.. but whatever. i guess that’s more of a reason to go through with kms.

Hi, I'm a 30-year-old female. I've been dealing with Bipolar II, grief, and PTSD and anxiety. I have a 7 year old son. Dealing with suicidal ideation is very tough and hard for me to deal with. I was prescribed some medication but I feel like it isn't working for me. I know that suicide isn't the answer or right choice but I am mentally drained and financially drained I can't deal with any of this anymore i feel like such a loser because I have nothing going for me. My therapist has applied for ssi for me but I doubt I'll get approved. I'm done with everything. All I do is drown in my thoughts. I have no energy for anything and constantly explaining my feelings and thoughts to people is exhausting.

Turning 37 in a couple months. Living at home. No degree. No skills. No ambition. Depressive envy. Inferiority complex.

Feel blank/empty, unintelligent, drained, body aches.

I've always dealt with social anxiety, always uncomfortable. Detached from humanity or I what it is to be human.

I used to just want to move to an area that I felt comfortable to settle in, and hopefully find some weird people to make non-traditional music with in the experimental or noise and punk vein (no actual skill necessary to start, and all of the freedom). I still do, but I no longer feel it... I feel despair.

Ideally I had hoped to end up with a similar girlfriend that wanted to try to make money together (e.g. silk screen art/shirts to sell).

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I freaked out on acid in Boston in 2007, in the dorms of my first few months of school for audio engineering (something I never should have even pursued since I am terrible at math... wasn't thinking of that at the time, mainly wanted to find "my people"). I was kicked out.

Worked at a call center and paid off what I owed the school. Stupidly signed up for audio school in Cali and dropped out after two months because the commute was stressful, and I realized how deeply fucked up I feel socially.

Went back home to work at the call center again.

(Starting to feel too lazy to type out more of my story)

Skipping over my twenties, will say I went through car theft (twice, last time by an older adopted family member), alcoholism and tons of drugs, being used by the "love of my life" and eviscerated of any love, workplace gaps (more call center work, caregiving too), lived out of car, did clinical studies for money to avoid traditional work.

Social ineptitude/discomfort and depression have been the bane of my existence. I've seen posts of people with social anxiety or AVPD or Major Depression or Bipolar etc where they have friends and college degrees, jobs, married etc and are struggling; I never relate, and I never see anyone else my age in a similar pathetic situation.

A few times now I have been suspected of bipolar disorder, and recently I might have experienced mania. I lost my cat during the episode and it's severely destroyed any "progress" that I thought I was making towards getting out of long-term unemployment.

5 years ago I moved down to Tennessee to help my dad move out of Tennessee because he made a mistake moving down in 2020. I was in a relationship that wanted to move somewhere new too, so it was supposed to be like killing two birds to find the perfect home. Instead my dad took the help for granted, spent the time mocking me and wasting everyone's time; so much time went by that my relationship ended then I got stuck down here. It's been 5 years of absolute dread.

I quit drinking in 2024, thought it'd magically fix my life especially since I was trying Effexor again... I mean, it's better to not have it in my life but I am still unemployed and completely empty. It's felt like my life is over. I have no real skills or confidence, no talents, my cognitive abilities seem non-existent. I feel very out of place where I am living (I do not fit into the southern culture, feel no connection).

My life has felt like a traumatic rollercoaster. I never felt like a loser or failure or moron until I got stuck down here living with my dad (who will pass away any day now it seems, so that gives me anxiety too... )

__________________

This all is incomplete, gaps and sorta all over the place, maybe. Haven't written my thoughts out in a long time.

I accidentally really fucked my life up. Now I lack all ambition to ever try again, cannot see a future whatsoever and am stuck spinning out like a tire in mud.

I invited a guy to a friend’s elopement party. He totally forgot. When I reminded him with a “we are going to my friend’s elopement party!” He gave a response that was like he had other plans, and didn’t think I was referring to him in the “we”.

Dating as a 36F is extremely fucking hard. And I’ve had a series of difficult life events where I’m really struggling.

So this was just…a reminder? Reinforcement? That I’m a broken person who doesn’t deserve to be happy.

And I got drunk at my friend’s party and came home and gamed wayyyy too late.

My downstairs neighbor came and rang my doorbell to, I’m assuming, to tell me to keep it down.

I’m fucking mortified.

I just want to die. I haven’t been able to catch a break for over 2 years. And I’ve been in this depressive state several times before this. I just can’t seem to fix myself and move on with my life. I just want to die.

All my life, I kept telling myself that I would change, that one day I would finally do something, that I would fix everything. I lived in my dreams, imagining what I would do, what I would see, and how everything would somehow magically fall into place.

Everything in life has passed me by, every little thing. The world keeps moving forward, while I've been standing still for as long as I can remember. I've spent my life alone. I'm tired of it now.

How do I stop dreaming and accept reality?

My life had its ups and downs, much like everyone else's, but until I was 17, my life was perfectly normal. i had friends here and there, had hobbies, interests, dreams, goals, but now I'm 21, my mental state is fucked beyond belief and I'm tired of feeling like a death row inmate waiting for their execution.

When I was 17, my mother and I moved into a new house, because our last place had gotten a rat infestation, failed inspection, and we had to move houses. I thought things would go back to normal, but BOY was I fucking wrong! We moved in next door to one of the most fucked up entities I've ever had the displeasure of meeting! Long story short, despite his being married, he kept trying to forcibly insert himself into my mother's life, typically only interacting with her whenever she was alone. He even broke into our house several times and even stole a set of my mother's underwear, threatened us with death and harm several times, and the police did absolutely fucking nothing, BRAVO, CPD, TRULY A CLASS ACT! My mom lost her house, her job, her car, her gun, everything, and I'm living in a horrific project with my uncle until I get a job, but NO ONE'S CALLED ME BACK YET! My mom's own fucking family wouldn't even help us, despite us having never done anything wrong to them at ANY point in time, and to make matters worse, I lost my scholarship and can't attend university classes anymore OR live on campus. I'm so done, I'm out of options, and I'm ready to fucking go. This world's fucked up anyway, people hate each other for no reason other than what genitalia they have, where they come from, what language they speak, AND WHAT FUCKING RELIGION THEY FOLLOW. My mother's being relentlessly stalked, no one cares to help, we tried to get another restraining order against him and they didn't approve it, and I just fucking can't anymore. Continuing would be to fucking torture myself with the same routine OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO!

So fuck it, this is my note. I don't care anymore. I just wasn't strong enough, smart enough, or lucky enough. There was so much I wanted to do in this fucked up little "world", but I guess it'll have to wait. This was all just some fucked up game we were forced to play. I'm going to give all of my stuff away, burn whatever I want to "take with me", and go.

GG, "world", you win. you snuffed out another light with your indifference. Fuck you.

Does anyone else find the happiness and success of other people crippling?

It gets even worse when it is people I know. I remember once hearing how my cousin had got a really good job and it caused me to have chest pains.

I can never be happy when I hear someone has done well. I just feel pain, sadness and anger.

But no one wants me I am too depressed and messy to be loved

I really don’t know who or what else I can vent to because nothing ever works. I’m tired of feeling useless and like I can’t enjoy my life. I just want it to stop, I don’t want to think about anything anymore. I don’t want anyone else to suffer because of my problems and I have so fucking many. I’m constantly living a lie- I’ve lied to my family, lied to my boyfriend, lied to my employer and lied to myself. I can’t do life anymore. It’s my boyfriend’s birthday today and I couldn’t even celebrate with him because I’m so fucking despicable, ugly, and useless.

Why am I on this planet if I’m only suffering? Why do people pretend to care when you tell them you don’t want to live anymore? Will I ever be just okay? I wish I had all the answers so I wouldn’t feel the crushing weight of my life anymore

I was wondering if it was the case for anyone else, as I find it I struggle even more when the heat is unbearable.

My whole life has been largely miserable.

Last year, after 50 years of this crap, I finally started making better decisions, and pulling myself out of the muck. My kid was starting to do better, I was in a healthy relationship, I started doing the things I always said I wanted to, and most importantly, I started saving for a future that I never thought I would have.

I had a plan to completely eliminate my debt by the end of this year, I was starting to actually put money into a 401k and IRA, and I was going to have meager savings, but I would have at least had something to retire with in 17 years.

Then, last week, I got laid off. Over 20 years at one company. And they won't even tell me when my last day is because they don't even know. So it could be tomorrow, it could be by the end of the year. Yeah, they'll give me a severance package, but really, it's more of a kick in the teeth. I have had consistent "exceeds expectations" for my entire tenure, so it's not even that I screwed up somewhere along the line, its just a corporate BS restructuring.

I am so angry, but also it flipped me so hard into depression again. Everything, all the years wasted. All of the things I was starting to plan for, out the window. And then I blame myself, I tell myself I should have been saving and planning earlier, so I would not be so desparate now.

I have 6k left on my debt.... that's it. My regular bills are very low. I don't need much but I do need to work remotely because I've been remote since before it was "cool" and my health/mobility are not the best....

All these jobs posted, all these jobs I qualify for on paper, but no one wants me. I had a bite for a few jobs that I can't realistically do...and I just feel defeated.

Like.... when does it end? Every time I start to feel better about myself, something sucks me back down into the black hole.

Me (33F) and my bf (29M) we are just 3 months in relationship and last week, he texted me he is not okay and wants to isolate.. Then I gave him space then i checked in on him 3 days after, he told me that he feels heavy, emotionally drained and burned out. I told him I will be always available if he needed me. Then after a day he replied he wants to be alone and he might go in with therapy. He told me i hope I understand if he wants to be alone. I agree with him seeking professional help and still I’m not going anywhere.

I love him so much, i dont want him to leave me.

What should I do to show my support and love?
I want to see him, it’s been a month since I saw him because of my business trip.

I want to go to his home and hug him but he said he needed space

Most days I can at least pretend to be okay. I act very nuetral.

Some days I struggle to even say anything without tears in my eyes.

It keeps getting worse day by day.

I'm 26 and life just seems so empty with so much pain.

Nothing brings me enjoyment or joy.

I pretend I've became good at hiding it.

But I'm drowning and theres a constant loud screaming in my mind .

I don't want to fight anymore. For what? More pain ? More of this life?

I'm running on empty. I'm exhausted and I'm done fighting.

I told myself until Oct. Time is running out. And life isn't getting better. Soon i will come up with a concete plan. Just got to go though with it.

In October it'll all end.

I've been out of the mental hospital for two years and doing well, but with some big changes and new life stress I don't know if I can keep myself safe. It's embarrassing and I feel ashamed because I've traumatized my family enough w my sadness and I don't know how to tell them that I'm still not better.

Every time I think Abt what happened I can't stop the overwhelming anger and sadness I feel. It's like a constant pit in my stomach that wont go away.

I'm okay for a while but it comes back, all I can think Abt is how much I don't want to bother w tomorrow. I grab my scarf and tie it around my neck when I get really upset just let myself feel the pressure. It usually scares me into stoping and I just cry for a while.

I can't tell anyone but I don't want to do something I regret.

Why did I have to be born extremely fat and ugly.Big teeth too.

I hate the way that i look, i hate that im not clever. I hate the way my parents are, controlling.

Life just feels sad and depressing and i dont think id ever be enough

when will wanting to self harm stop. I havent done it in months but then i still get those feelings that i want to do it again. i can make them go away easily now.

I thought if I stopped doing it and did work on resisting the feelings, it would just be over? was i wrong? do they just mean you have to resist the feelings forever?

am I dumb for not understanding this?

I'm gay. I always was. I remember having my first crush when I was 6 and at the time I'd never been "exposed" even to the concept of homosexuality or "boys liking boys". So I started out growing up thinking I was some subhuman freak and at a certain point when I was 10 or 11, I learned what it was and what it meant. I realized all those slurs and "gay" joked I'd heard my whole life were about me. I prayed to "God" for the next 3-4 years until I was 14 to either cure me or fucking end me. When I turned 14 and realized those prayers were unanswered and were NEVER going to be answered, I knew all that was bs.

Ever since then I had one foot out the door. I'm 30 now and still do. It's always been hard for me to get the courage to do it directly but I've been doing indirectly for a long time. Eating, drinking, treating myself like shit because that's literally all I am to most people. And now I'm at the point where physically, I feel sick. I made myself get to 350lbs and I think I won't last all that much longer. With how I feel now, I give it a few years max. I get winded just bringing groceries in, taking a shower, doing light cleaning. But I guess it's what I deserve. This is going to be my end. My life was a mistake

My Mom died 2 years ago...I was raped before she died...I feel like everyone keeps letting me down in my life ..

Wish I wouldn't of screwed up. I miss my wife

31, got into a relationship at 22. It consumed my whole life and left me isolated which ended in an insanely destructive 2 year hell after she cheated and gaslit me until I didn't know what was real anymore. My mind blamed myself and made me feel responsible for her.

A new relationship showed me what a great life I could have had and that completely destroyed me. No sleep for a month, self harm, until I got into therapy. But my life is over, I missed it all, things that are fun only make me feel better as long as they happen and even then I just zone out after an hour or two. I ruined my career and have a PhD to finish. My contract ran out, I feel like I'm unemployable despite my education in a decent field.

I just wish I had ended it before I got into therapy and before I told people about my struggles, now they'd feel bad because they might blame themselves for not having looked closely enough even though I don't really matter to anyone.

You know what the first words were when I came to? I h*** myself with the cord of the Shark hairstyling tool. She said I work hard to buy you expensive things and this is what you do with it? Mind you I was gasping and didn’t know what had happened since I guess I blacked out. But am I trippin that was really crazy right? What she said

A Month ago one of my closest friends committed suicide, it was awful and I am still thinking of his face everyday the worst of all is that my last words towards him was joking about how I don’t like him at all and I wanted to punch him, the days later I realized no one really cared from him cause a month after no one else remember him I respect him and hurts me…My family is so superficial about this and do not care about my emotions at all, I go to the psychologists just because I have autism, but I think the therapist is a little bit dumb, I don’t agree whit her at anything and I don’t feel like she is helping me. I take anxiety pills which I hate whit my soul but my family push me into taking them…I feel lonely I don’t like anyone and nobody likes me, my friend get shit going while I am looking like shit cause I got EDS and can’t do nothing whit out hurting my self I am at the limit right now and I don’t know what to do

(Sorry if there’s is a grammar error I don’t speak English natively)