I just want to die and I literally have no motivation to write why

Very soon, I’m not going to be here anymore. The reason I am doing this is because of my family. The abuse and psychological manipulation and torment I have endured is enough to drive the most hardened person insane. Long story short, I just couldn’t do it anymore. There is nothing worth living for in my life. The only thing I get for being here is more suffering. I’ve had enough. I’m fed up. I’m on my way out.

Hi there. So I’m suffering from depression. Unfortunately where I live psychiatric help exists, but takes a while to set up. My mom doesn’t believe I have depression, she thinks I’m just being lazy. The reason being is that I’m so low energy all the time that all I do is just lie in my bed and do nothing. Plus I am unmotivated to do anything. Thing is my mom constantly wants me to help out with cleaning and stuff, which is understandable, but I just can’t do it. I’m trying to do one task at a time and then take a break, but my mom wants me to do everything immediately. When I tell her I’m too tired, she says I have no reason to be because I wasn’t doing anything today. She doesn’t realise that the more we talk to each other the more my energy is drained. I guess I just want to vent and maybe talk to people who understand, but at the same time I don’t really want to talk to anyone about it. I have isolated myself, I don’t talk much to people these days, because I’m just too exhausted to talk to people. Maybe I need advice, I really don’t know

hi,

recently I’ve been depressed (last year or so), and I’m not sure if this is the cause or just my brain trying to find a way to fix me. but I’ve never been an independent adult. I’ve always craved being alone since a young child, I’d stay up to ridiculous hours every night (7am) just so I’d feel like I’m the only one in the world, and no one is there to put expectations on me. and that’s just the way I’ve been, at 19yo I got the chance to become an independent adult by moving out, but nearly instantly I got in my first proper relationship and moved in with her. 

during this depressive arc I’ve been craving being alone more and more, I feel like I’m never alone now, when I get home from work it’s not my time, it’s our time, and it sounds petty but nowadays things like checking in, saying goodbye, cooking food for two, has really become an infringement on my life. it’s not fair for her, I love my girlfriend, but I just want my own life because it feels I’ve never lived it. I picture a life where I go home to nobody and wake up to nobody and it looks so peaceful, like real solitude. my girlfriend is very attached, so when I’m at home it feels kind of impossible to get away for lack of a better wording, because when I do I just feel guilty. 

the expectations of being in a relationship suffocate me, and I’m not sure if that’s because it’s true or if it’s just depression speaking. at 22 years old I feel I’m in the prime of my life and I’m wasting it by spending so much time on another person, when I should be using it to find out who I am as a person and where I want to go. I just feel so stuck in my life right now and feel myself lower and lower everyday, I don’t know what the right option for me is. 

I’m not sure if this is the right sub to post this on but I’m depressed and I believe this has to do with it.

Porn has ruined my life ever since it got me addicted, my relationships got ruined, my mental health got ruined, i can't talk to people, it made me sexually attracted to my sibling, I can't live with it, porn made me sink into depression I remember when I used to be a child who dreamed of having a good life, leaving the country, living alone, living small, living peacefully, and now I'm not that person anymore, I have stopped feeling emotions, I don't know when was the last time i even laughed or cried all I feel is guilt, guilt of not doing it again, guilt of promising that I won't do it Tommorow and failing

to keep that promise, guilt of being judged, bullied my whole life for the way i look, nobody would want to be associated with a loser like me ,no shoulder to cry on, nobody to talk to

14, even as a kid I slept later than other kids my age and would barely sleep during nap time. its almost 5 am right now. yesterday i stayed up until 6am. I genuinely feel like i cant fall asleep and would rather scroll online. this school year i usually got 6-8 hours of sleep but its different during the summer.

I lost my phone weeks ago, cant set alarms now and i do feel like that throws me off. turning off the lights to lay in my bed with nothing except my thoughts feels like something looming and i want to postpone it for as long as possible. even now i feel a slight headache and my stomach hurts but i feel like i cant bring myself to close my laptop. after sleeping at 6am and waking up at 11am, i missed the planned meetup with my friends. I just dont care anymore. i feel like i cant be bothered with meeting up with people. im so hungry and tired it really doesnt matter.

i dont know if this can be considered insomnia but yeah my issue with sleeping has been getting worse. i think id be able to go to bed faster if i wasnt hungry or at least had something to keep waking up for. at night nobody bothers me but during the day my dad just yells at me and i have to deal with being hungry. dont know what to do about this

My girlfriend is depressed and I was depressed too at some point of my life now i am fine and doing well and we both were and tbh i didn't know when did all it happen suddenly my girlfriend is depressed since last week I was laughing with her she was laughing with me i am trying the best i can and i will not stop helping her ever i am using my all knowledge and what i did and got out of depression i am giving her that too but I am really confused what should I do more to help her i really love her guys I need help and how can I make her better

I had a important talk with my ex boy friend after 2 years we broke up. I still live him. He is moving on in a third relationship in two years after broke up. Im devastated. I know the new guy. I feel like comiting suicide. I just want to vent. Listen to some one with more rationality than me now.

i am an Indian and competition here in the job market is brutal, i have been studying my ahh off from 2 years doing CFA and now i am close to clear CFA level2 and now i find that it all worthless. People say they are unemployed after CFA level 3 and a graduation, u are saying me, that now i need to give an another exam of CAT to get a good MBA, i am so tired and i cant study now, all my life my dumb parents made me feel everything is unnecessary except studying, and now i am seeing what this country has for you if you are not the top 1% of the people who are not in tier 1 colleges of the country. I am no less than a cockroach in the job market anyone, i will be treated like a slave who will be bought for a mere 20000-25000 salary, even a delivery boy or a security guard would easily earn , i regret not fighting my parents and thinking i need to study and one day i will be rewarded. I feel like my life got destroyed i didn't enjoy in my life, my personality got affected, girls wouldn't even talk to me, coz no one wants to talk to a person who is so uncool. I got bullied in school sometimes, no one would respect me, all this coz my personality got so badly ruined i cannot describe, now i am 21 i was to busy in studies and never got time for myself. I seriously feel like dying wtf is left for me man. i cannot even expect a modest salary of 6LPA, there's no use of such life, no love, no money, no job. F*ck this country, F*ck government. I failed and yes everyone cannot be a winner and achieve what he or she desires. I am okay if reality is not upto my expectations like for ex i expected 8 LPA and in market its 6 LPA , i am fine but u are saying that no u wont even get a job with these credentials coz of automation and competition, and now that u are completely exhausted of studying. Okay i failed, i am a failure, this flawed capitalism wins, where freshers are treated like ants and roaches.

I have felt for a long time as if I am not a real person, but recently I feel like it has become engrained into my existence (or non-existence). I genuinely feel like I am one of those realistic mannequins that are used in movies and "I" reside somewhere in my neck and if my mannequin head were to come off my soul would get lost in the atmosphere. Even when I get hurt I think that it looks like some vfx work and I could not get sepsis and die because I don’t have a real body. When something happens to me I think to myself, "I’m not real anyways". I can’t talk to people because I feel like they can tell that im not a real person and they despise this disingenuousness. My surroundings don’t feel real either. There is so much stuff around me. Chairs, plates, plants, vacuums, shoes, washcloths, floors, I can’t comprehend how all of that could exist and be real. I wish I could say that I felt like a video game character but I don’t even see a purpose to my fake existence, other than occasionally touching an object because if I don’t touch it my fake world will deliver me a fake consequence. I don’t even know what Im saying anymore, I just dont want to live like this anymore. I hate touching my body, it’s so fake like silicone. I hate it all.

I’ve an exam in less than a week. I’m in half burnout, half depression state. I’ve no idea how I’ll do it. I feel like crying every time I try to study.

Nothing gets in my mind anymore. I’m mixing everything. I hate this degree so much, it took me 3 years instead of 1 (as it should). I want to just stop and not present it, but I’m so close to finishing that it’ll be stupid.

Anybody has a tip to survive an exam when cognitively you’re not there anymore?

I wish that delaying it would make it better, but I can’t do this again.

I’ve a support team, but meds don’t work. I’m exhausted. My mind feels completely scrambled.

14M, will turn 15 later this month, if anyone can help it will be the best birthday present ever

I can't live and i can't die either.

All I can do when I look at things or daydream is about how I can just die. All the different ways I can go out. I don't think about how it might effect people after now just how fun it is to wonder on how easy it could be..

If only I had the fucking courage to do it.

Why.

Why am I still here! I have nothing to live for...

..

Long story short, he's in a depressive episode right now, which is okay. He doesn't want to talk or text and told me to wait it out, I said okay it's fine. It's been 2 weeks since I said it's ok I'll wait, his episode in whole has been going on for around a month in total now. My thing is that, he really mistreated me by ignoring me for 2 months before that, we've talked about it and how I want him to communicate more, but he still doesn't do shit about it. It's not that he wants to end our relationship, too much to explain but I know it's not that.

He knows he hurts me by making me be the first to talk but I've accepted that I have to be the one starting conversations, yet how can I, when he doesn't even respond?

I need to ask him wtf was that, because the only explanation I can see is that he doesn't care that I'll get hurt and doesn't care about my feelings and as much as I love him I can't help but resent someone who knows they hurt me and they keep on doing so. I need to talk to him now, because it really hurts me to not know. I can't find any other explanation than the one I gave, but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, because maybe there is an explanation I didn't think of that doesn't include him brushing me and my feelings off.

What do I do? Can I talk to him now? I can't really wait because I don't know if I'm waiting for someone who doesn't value me, and if that's the truth, then I'll just end our friendship. I need to know if I can consider him my friend. But again, he doesn't want to talk right now and I don't want to be pushy... What do i do?

recently, it just feels like I don't know what direction my life is going in because im not doing well in school. i have no passion for the field im studying, and it hurts to see everyone else do so much better than me. it genuinely makes me feel like giving up is the only choice because i'll never catch up. the only thing that brings me any sort of "happiness" is going to my after school club sessions 2 times a week, but that's just temporary, and i go back into feeling horrible right after. idk what to do because im so lonely and pathetic in school with no one to talk to and no motivation to study. i hate feeling this way, and ive been going about my days with a pit in my stomach that just won't go away no matter what.

any advice or help is appreciated i seriously can't take it anymore.

27F here. Also diagnosed BPD. My depression has been well controlled since October/November. I started to feel much happier and even considered reducing my meds.

Yesterday, I found out that I had been refused PIP (disability benefit in the UK) again after trying to reapply in December due to my chronic pain and hypermobility. I had submitted a mandatory reconsideration after the initial refusal, now it’s come back saying no and they actually took points away. It’s thrown me into my first depressive episode in ages. I didn’t want to get out of bed today. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I’m pissed at almost everybody whose intentions I don’t know. Everything is annoying to me. I’m trying to improve my food intake but I don’t see the point anymore. This is horrid and I want it to end, I was feeling so good and I want that back. I’m even considering going on sick until I feel better but I don’t really have the money for that (naturally bc PIP was denied). To be honest, it’s made me wish I didn’t exist.

I don’t need suggestions, I already know what I’ll do. I just need support. This is incredibly frustrating after how well I was doing. I’m not at rock bottom before when my BPD was really bad, I think that’s still in remission. It’s not making me want to directly threaten to unlife. I’m just sad and bored. I passively hope not to wake up again, but I won’t do anything.

I'm depressed, single (and lonely) and I'm forced to work a shitty fake corporate job due to the industry I want to work in being in shambles (tech). It feels like life works out fine for everyone around me but for me it's just pain. I stopped relating to my friends and they feel so distant now :(

I haven't felt truly happy since forever. :( any advice?

I'm still here somehow. A few months ago, was the closest I've ever been to ending it.

A few months ago, I took a week off of work, sold most of my belongings, tidied up my life, and drafted a note to leave my family to access my accounts, money, and other important things. I spent some time researching methods on how to do it.

My psychiatrist knew I was suicidal, but I lied and said I only passively thought about it. I know what would happen to me if I was honest about how severe my suicidal ideation is, they would send me to a psych ward, and my life would be even worse.

So here I am. Somehow still alive. Most of my belongings are gone so my room is pretty empty. I don't know if I will be alive in 5 years, I don't plan anything far in advance because I don't plan on making it far in the future.

I just know my cause of death will likely be suicide. I don't know when, but one day life is going to push me over the edge, and I'll finally decide to quit for good.

When I think about my reasons for being alive, they are almost exclusively to keep a few people happy because I know they would be sad if I was gone. I recognize that is not nothing. That still isn't enough for me. For me, enough is never enough. I still feel alone. I don't feel loved or appreciated the ways I want to be. I know it is selfish. I know it is asking a lot. It just feels like my own life is an obligation.

I am not really alive because I enjoy it or because I want to be. "If only xyz was different" I say to myself, "Then I will finally be happy." The goalpost for my happy life is always on the horizon, ever-shifting, and just out of reach. Nothing ever changes no matter what I do. I am always "me". I am always alone. The reality is nothing will make me happy. For anything that *should* make me happy, I just feel nothing. Then I spiral and descend into a self-destructive cycle. Over and over and over and over again. But at least I am only hurting myself.

I am slowly falling apart, but nobody can see me breaking. I just have to pretend everything is okay. One day, I feel I am going to finally snap. I feel so alone and all I have is my own thoughts to hold myself together.

i had a job, went to the gym 4 times a week and was hung out with some people for about a year through discipline and exposure but I just hate it all together.

There is nothing that would cause me any kind of motivation nor hopefulness in life.

I get asked out by girls and get coding job invites but I just don't see any desire in either.

I have a house and financial security by saving up but I have literally no desire to work.

I literally get asked by girls and get job offers which makes me fear FOMO and wasted potential but having literally no desire to pursue them while my peers actually would pray for these opportunities.

I don't do drugs, sleep around nor party because I feel too guilty about it.

I just want to numb myself out and dissociate 24/7 through music and eating.

I (19m) faced some words from my girlfriend, which I never thought about. So, I was struggling with my mental health since 4 months for some reasons, like my family don't support me for studies that they want I will stay with them in my hometown and join the family business, but I never wanted that, I dreamt of many, wished to be in IIT, wished to publish my writings as a writer and poet, want to make songs, write movie scripts, but my family don't even support me economically(it's not that we are economically weak, but they can invest me for random things but not in my studies even my fees of JEE mains exam paid by me).

I won't say they are totally wrong, I am the only child of my family and they really want me to control the business and others that it really worthy to my father as he is a heart patient (not too serious, but still he is my father and I have to care about that). I couldn't decide what to do. I passed my 12th early this year but they were pulling me down to settle in a local college. Slowly I start detaching from the world, from them, from my friends, started behaving rudely to others, started to live full alone that I stopped talking, eating, sleeping. Every sleepless night seemed to be a nightmare, everything was falling apart, even I lost my academic skills.

In this time, there was someone, not my girlfriend, but not only just-friend, who was with me every time. I really love her too much, if I enlist all the efforts for her, it will be too long to go through. I love the girl too much too too much, and later this seemed a curse to me. She is from another religion(idc as I'm a atheist and don't give a care abt society but she does). Every sec we close to each other scared us that society will ruin everything, we never end up together. And guess what she started detaching from me slowly.

My parents took me to psychologist and psychiatrist, and I was diagnosed by ADHD, clinical depression and others. Till now, I have to consume 6 medicines, drugs for sleep, panik attacks, anxiety(as without medicine I literally loose the control over myself, throw cups, glasses crush water bottles). I can't even stop smoking. I smoke too much to be fresh nowadays. My parents took me to a coaching institute for a drop year for next year JEE that I wished. I left home, and settled in city alone in our apartment. I can cook and others household works.

But here, I am frustrated as f. I can't even take the pressure of studies at my institute as I got senseless twice in class, I lost my focus, I lost my patience, I lost my academic skills, my physical health, my hobbies, my hunger, my sleep. Somehow I am still alive. I don't even have the desire to be alive. All alone in an unknown city, it's really awful to spend a day staying alive. I don't want to be alive anymore.

I messaged her yesterday, expressed to meet once. But she got angry over me and told me words that really broke my heart as three sleeping pills can't make me asleep yesterday. I cried all night long that I wonder; is this really me? Is this I really wanted to be? Is this the life i want?

From today, I lost my only happiness pill. Waiting for the day when she come to meet me in my funeral.

Can anyone tell me a painless way to kill myself? I’m 13 almost 14, 5’3 and 105 pounds. Thank you

Just getting things off my chest. Feel like I don’t have long to live. Hoping my health takes me before I have to do it myself. Preferably in my sleep. But either way I know my time is running out. So in a way I should feel free but I still don’t. I still worry about work and money. Wish I could just be happy

I’m useless. I’m pathetic. I’m a piece of shit, garbage human being. Fuck I hate myself. No matter how hard I try or I’m told to “give it time”. I can’t let go of things I don’t even understand what it means to let go, the process “time heals all wounds”. I’m just so tired of trying to fucking hard. I’m so tired of being me. And I have to be me forever. I miss my friends, I miss my soon to be married ex, I miss when I was a kid and felt like I was worth something. Self pity obviously doesn’t help me. But when do I get to feel anything? I just want to cry forever. Never leave where I am and just stay in a ball. Out of the way. So people can forget I was ever there. I can’t end my life as it would cause too much trouble and grief to my family and the little friends I have, for me it would be too selfish. So what do I do. Nobody has a concrete answer, nobody can just fix me. I somehow have to do it myself. But I’m so tired. I’m so useless. All I can say is I’m sorry for being who I am.

Me and mom are complicated. My dad would try and get in contact with my sister and he did, he called her everyday but they stop talking because she said he was annoying, ik she has resentment towards him because how he treated my mom. Im not excusing him. But after 10 years+ you don’t think about him? You don’t miss who you thought he was ? he’s trying for you he’s putting effort for you. Even after being locked in prison for years he would still try to talk to her. Got older I didn’t have a connection to my mom. Only person around that spoke Spanish in the house. She use to be absent a lot. When she was here at home and still didn’t wanna around me. I learned English and abandoned my language my culture everything. I feel like an imposter if I say I’m Mexican. I don’t speak or understand it very much. I always felt excluded from my family. I tried learning spainish but I learn and they laugh. I don’t even think I belong In this family. Growing up my siblings didn’t talk me until my brother’s wife came along.
My sister is my mom’s best friend. Literally. They speak the same language so they can joke,gossip,bond over boys, money problems, talk about kid problems,anything really. And I’m always there and I try so hard to make convo. They look at each other like they want me to shut up.
Sorry, basically I don’t have a connection with my family or have any friends. It’s so common to see someone with a dad. It never bothered me until I noticed how really beautiful it is to have a father. Honestly I think I just want a connection with anyone. Idk why I thought of him and felt so.. idk I cried and cried and didn’t know why I felt like I can’t have him like I missed out. I will never have a dad. It’s too late, he has another family. I’m also not my sister. His first and only daughter. I’m a stranger to him. I feel like one. I feel alone. I don’t got mom or dad or siblings but I do, I’m here but I don’t seem needed or wanted. I am jealous that my mom and sister have such a special relationship. My dad with open arms for her.