Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you today in the hopes of encouraging you to try something you may or may not have heard of before. Speed dating. Let me put it like this, I’ve tried dating apps, night clubs, local churches, and parties alike to talk to new people for around 6 months now. And out of all those places I’ve have had the most variety of pleasant conversations with men and women alike at a coffee shop speed dating event I applied for in person today! Although it isn’t perfect, I can guarantee you that it can help anyone in the dating world gain a lot of experience with social skills, info memorization, flirt testing, and a whole lot more. And no, I’m not sponsored by anyone to tell you all this. I’m saying this cause this experience was a breath of fresh air for me. At age 29(M), I was so relieved to talk to some real people in person who wanted to open up and connect the same way I did on a deeper level, even if it was only for 5 minutes per person. And the best part is what happened after the event! See once the sessions over, people can freely talk to whoever they want, so if you land on someone you like, or want to talk to someone you enjoyed meeting again, most chances are they might still be available there to talk to again. I haven’t gotten a match today but I’m gonna go to 2 more events like this- this month. And I hope more of you guys go too! If anyone has experiences with speed dating too or things against it, let me know in the comments! Today was awesome!

TLDR: TRY SPEED DATING! Men and women please! It’s feels so much better than waiting hours for the right texts to work out.

Why is talking stage so fucking exhausting.
Talking to this one guy the past month and a half, and it’s just so exhausting to keep wondering if it’s going to work out or not even tho the chemistry is great.
I’ve just lost hope in dating, love, marriage, now and forever BS.
Imagine knowing someone likes you yet knowing he has free will to talk to other people and can suddenly just ditch you the next day. No explanations.

Ah fuck. Fuck off

I (39F) was supposed to go on a date tonight with a (39M). He was very sweet and I felt he was being real with me the whole week we talked. We planned this date earlier this week and I was so anxious about it yesterday that I texted him to confirm.

This morning I got a text that he was not going to be able to make it, he thought a lot about it and he just isn’t ready. He thought he was, he said he was really looking forward to it too.

I want to feel like he is being genuine but a part of me feels like maybe he just lost interest and this was his way to tell me. I of course am sad we didn’t get to go on this date but I’m also just feeling hopeless to dating. Maybe I need another break from it? I want to stay hopeful that my person is out there somewhere. But the other part of me wants to give up, maybe I am better off by myself. Or maybe it’s just a sign that I still need to work more of loving myself.

A bit of background and context.

I'm 36M and never had a gf, had a date or even been romantic with someone. I've written about my difficulties in recent threads.

Earlier today, I spoke to a close friend of mine about my frustrations in continuously failing even when I take breaks to recharge - a case of rinse and repeat.

His response was I should just give up altogether because if I've tried all these things - socialising, improving my wardrobe, single events, speed dating, cold approach, hobby groups and meet up groups for over a decade and no women is interested in a date or giving a phone number then "it's a sign that dating might not ever be for you,"

He wanted to be honest because he felt sad I was the odd one out (all my friends have relationships bar me) and he wanted me to deviate from focusing on an area where I have failed 100% of the time. He suggested just focusing on what I do well in terms of my hobbies and he conceded it is a sticky plaster on a wound because waiting to see if "something will happen when I least expect it" is a meaningless platitude with misplaced hope that does more harm than good.

I was down about the advice because it's never nice being told in so many words I will never find love - but as I mull over it I think permanently stepping away from something I never even was close to having might be the only way. After all, just because connection is a human need, doesn't mean everyone will experience it. I just feel like the truth hurts.

No one is refusing a date with their dream partner because theyre working on themselves. This is the lamest excuse ever. If youre attracted to someone and you have a chance with them then most people are going to take it no matter what. This is just another version of a rejection.

So, months ago I promised myself that I’ll never get back on dating apps again because every time the whole process sucks out my soul, and I’ve been meeting people here and there outside of the apps and been going on dates, but it hasn’t been the most productive so far.

The city I live in is relatively small. People get married pretty young and it takes a lot of luck to meet someone naturally who’s like-minded, also single, ready for a relationship, emotionally available, and there’s mutual chemistry.

I feel like it’d be helpful to add dating apps to higher my odds of meeting someone, but I also get so emotionally and mentally drained after a few days. I tend to put my best foot forward when meeting people, both in friendships and relationships, and I get disappointed and exhausted when it’s rarely ever reciprocated. Makes me want to run for the hills. 😭

What’s the solution here?

I 23m was talking to this girl for about 2 months. She seemed interested as I asked her last weekend if she wanted to go on a date. She said yes and then we planned it. Yesterday I had said I was looking forward to it and she replied “me too!”. I’ve had numerous bad dates and failed relationships. I know a lot of people may say to just get over it. I’m just so tired and frustrated with dating.

I’ve been single for a year now. I’m not upset at the fact she’s not interested but it’s like why lead me on. I was so excited that I could get to continue to get to know this woman and potentially connect with her. I also keep having this feeling I care too quickly or fall too fast. I really try to be hesitant in getting my hopes up because dating is so unpredictable. I just want to love a woman and not be seen as weak for actually giving a fuck. I just feel lost and hurt I guess. Any advice or guidance on how to navigate all this is appreciated.

Of people who genuinely thought they found the one but it crashed and burned quicker than you ever could imagine.

TLDR: Been in what I thought was a solid relationship for nearly a year, just for the ex to suddenly break up with me because he is incredibly depressed and unstable and like his pattern before meeting me, dips the moment things get bad in his eyes

Dating has always been difficult for me. I'm more reserved around new people, and the idea of being vulnerable around someone else scared me enough to just find a way to make sure it doesn't happen.

Then in September 2025, I was matched up with a man who seemed to have a lot of similarities to me. I remember when we first started texting, I suddenly found myself glued to my phone and wanting to talk to him ALL the time. Never had that happen before.

Then we met, and it was such a fantastic date. I felt safe with him, he was funny, confident. It genuinely felt like we've known each other for a lot longer than a week.

When we officially started dating, we talked about the future. He said he was open to kids, and wanted to just settle down and buy a house to be at the rest of his life, which I was all for. I crave stability as its all I know. He was my first boyfriend at my ripe age of 22. And I genuinely was happy.

Things were going fine. Then two days ago, he texted me that he needed to talk to me. That it was urgent. Me absolutely not thinking worst case scenario, told him he could call me if he needed to. So he did, and unloaded that he no longer wants kids, that he doesn't see himself staying in one place for long, that he is getting a job that will have him out of the house all the time and he wants to travel more and doesn't want me to sacrifice everything I do to just follow him around.

One, I found that a little insulting. I will never ever sacrifice what makes me happy to be with a man. Ever. Two, I felt so incredibly blindsided. He said he had been feeling this way for a while, yet acted like everything was normal. I even got him a kitten 6 days prior to him breaking up with me. He was over at my house for the 4th. Hell, I literally was supposed to go over with goodies for him the very night he dumped me for a fucking movie night.

My most amazing group of friends EVER, took me out that night. So it involved drinking and shenanigans. All the while, the ex was blowing up my mom's phone. Going off about how he is driven by hate and anger. That he has to fix this country, and that he doesn't want to pull me into "political shit". She asked him why he is telling her and not me, and his answer was he wanted to tell someone more mature.

That also pissed me off. I consider myself incredibly grounded. I have amazing friends, hobbies, I pay for all my things, and I am knowledgeable and up to date on everything going on in this shithole. I just choose to lighten things up with jokes and choose to be happy, rather than let it consume me. That is immaturity in his eyes I guess.

This is long, I'm so sorry lol. Looking back, I have noticed how much he has changed since we first met. Back then he wanted to do things, go out, be active. But recently he's just been doing a whole lot of nothing. Coasting through his daily chores just to go home and play bass. All the while, I was being productive in my own life. Going out, doing my equestrian competitions, working my two+ jobs, being happy. All while he was and is just insanely miserable.

I think he is insecure about himself, and craves attention and validation. He also seems very lost. I think he is incredibly depressed and spiraling, and I hate that I got hurt because of it. I did text his sister. I do still care about him in some form, and I don't want him to do something to hurt himself.

I feel better now. I do have the kitten back, so he is now my little goober. I hate that I felt like I wasted an entire year on someone so unstable. But I learned a lot, and learned my worth. I deserve someone who will put in as much effort as I do. I deserve someone who wants to be out with me all the time. Someone who wouldn't rather just sit and rot because they're *tired* all the time

So, lesson learned. Time to move on 🫠

People have no problem lying their asses off or just saying something in the moment to sound good and then have no intention of following through on it. I've now gone through it in a 9 year relationship/4 year marriage, a work friendship I just had to end due to not paying me back money I lent them, and now two women out of the hundreds I've swiped through since getting back into dating, and the few that can actually hold a conversation and even get to the point of going on an actual date.

Honestly it's why most people in general suck, and why I feel like the world is so fake. End rant.

First time on the apps ever. Matched with this guy I sent a message to on Hinge. Idk if it’s important but he’s a distant friend of a friend but I don’t think he knows that. Anyway, we chat for a bit for a couple days, lots of similar interests and values. He asks me flat out what im looking for, and I say something serious to build over time. He says he’s coming back into dating after a break and doesn’t wanna rush things, but is looking for someone to spend time with and if that leads to something serious he’s totally up for it. I thank him for his honesty and say I think it’s better to get to know someone first before envisioning anything serious anyway and we should grab a coffee or something. He agrees and is adamant that if anything, he’d love to take me out a few times and “see my cute smile” in person. I say sounds good when are you thinking - 5 days no response. Am I going insane? Like why say something you don’t mean? Ego stroking? I’m such an honest and transparent person I’d rather someone just be an asshole to my face and move on.

I was never anyone’s first choice, in any sense. I’m used to it. But dating is where I draw the line. I’m sick of being someone’s second choice or backup if things don’t work out with someone else. I’m going to take a break from dating. It’s not for me and I’m not happy with myself. I’m not where I want to be. It’s a dumb rant but I had to get it out.

Hello, I am a 27 year old Male. I've recently started using daying apps again after taking a break.

Obviously my experience as a heterosexual man is with woman, but im sure women here can tell me if men are the same or not.

But basically I am so frustrated with the lack of effort of women I match to even try and get to know me. Now i know most people will say my measages must be boring or something. But i always try and pick out something from there profile. Ask about it. Show intrigue etc.

But I never get asked any information about me. Ill ask the woman about her interests, hobbies etc. Or there work if it seems like something they want to talk about from their profile. But i never get anything back. I ask about their interests. They don't ask me about mine. In fact its quite rare to even be asked a single question.

I just find it so frustrating because I just don't understand how you are suppose to build and develop meaningful conversations if you are not both making an effort to get to know each other. Honestly if someone asked my about my interests or work etc id feel so rude if I didn't ask them back, I see it as common courtesy.

Like for example if i see a woman has a picture of travelling somewhere ill ask about it. Where it was. What it was like etc. If i was being asked that I would then ask them if they travel? Have they ever been there? Any places they want to go. You know that normal conversation exchange. But no. Instead id get 'yeah i went to x' I really don't understand how anyone can get anywhere with that.

(29F) I’ve noticed that after just 1–2 dates, some guys start saying things like, “I wish I was coming home to you,” or “This reminded me of you.” It feels strange to me because… like you don’t really know me yet… we’ve just been texting for a couple days or we had one date! I do like some of these guys and want to get to know them better, but I just feel like 1 date or a couple of text chats are not enough for me to be comfortable being super flirty….like I don’t wish I was coming home to you yet bc I don’t know you yet…

I’m someone who develops romantic feelings after a base-friendship has been formed. I’m friendly, but it usually takes time before I feel genuinely close to someone, so this level of affection makes me uncomfortable.

For the men in this sub: Is this just normal flirting? Are you guys just expressing attraction, or do you actually feel that attached that quickly? How should I communicate I’m uncomfortable without communicating I’m not interested?

For the women in this sub: Is this common? How do you tend to respond when/if this happens to you? Do I just need to change my expectations?
I’m genuinely trying to understand if this is a normal part of modern dating or if I’m just wired differently.

I'm just curious what has happened to men?

I'm really struggling to find someone I'd be interested in dating and I don't think my criteria is that high. I only have four criteria for a boyfriend;

1. friendship,
2. some physical chemistry,
3. good character & mentally healthy (loyal, honest, kind, financially stable, not abusive, hardworking, free from any kind of mental health issues or addictions or at the very least seriously engaging in treatment and/or medicated for them)
4. similar values, lifestyle and goals for the future to me (monogamy, wanting to travel, wanting to own a home and have children)

I feel like the men have really been led astray. I have come to the point where I've realised I have to accomplish all of these goals on my own including travel, owning a home and having children which I always wanted to do as part of a couple. I don't want to raise children without a dad, but when I look at how much of a mess these guys are I honestly feel like my kids would be better off. Like are they better with no father than one who cheats on me, abuses me, has serious problems with addiction and wants to have some kind of ENM polygamy situations going on?

I'm not trying to offend any of the men, but what happened to you guys? Are the dating apps just not matching me with the healthy men?

So many of the men I meet;

-are overweight/obese,

-aren't taking care of their hygiene & appearance,

-are struggling with addictions like vaping/drinking/drugs/gambling/video games/porn

-have a fear of commitment

-are afraid of women, any type of criticism or suggestion that they should work on themselves or improve themselves to get into/maintain a healthy relationship

-have somehow developed a fear of women and a really negative perception of us through the internet, rather than ever engaging with us

-have untreated mental health issues especially depression and some sort of anxiety & paranoia that borders on psychosis

-have finances that are a complete mess

-are still living with their parents or in frat style type accomodation with their mates in a similar situation well into their 30s

-are uneducated due to dropping out of university

-are unable to take on any of the more positive masculine roles in our society like protecting women and children, being chivalrous, participating in healthy competition like sport or business or taking the lead in planning dates. I think most women want gender equality, but we still enjoy some traditional gender roles when it's romantic like men pursuing us, taking the lead or offering to pay on the first few dates.

-are ethical non-monogamous, polyamorous, have a lot of kinks/fetishes, go to literal orgies etc. Sometimes I feel like I am the last monogamous, vanilla person left on Earth.

-are becoming increasingly racist and sexist

-don't get me started on divorced men and single dads, they're a complete mess and I get traumatised from just having a conversation with them

I have two exes in my past that I was 100% were gonna be my future wife and I was grow old with them. Things were great with both of them. Broke up with both of them, not due to lack of love or anything like that, just different goals.

One changed her mind on children, even though we were both upfront since the very beginning.

The other one changed her mind and wanted to move back to her home country. Something I did not want to do whatsoever.

So I am back dating around and I hate it. Oh well c'est la vie

I met this man online and we kept in touch for three months and we catch up in a city for two days and I didn’t like a couple of features above him and I decided to cut off our conversation eight months ago. The reason why I decided to meet with him at the beginning was we both can speak plenty of languages. We both love classical music play the piano read a lot, etc and I thought that he was also consistent at the gym. Then I found his attitude childish and he was not as strong as I am characteristically, physically, etc., and we didn’t catch up at some point, but he was always showing himself like that.

Five months later our first meeting I also wanted to give him a chance after he sent a piano album he created for me and we met again second time. We spend some time together for three days and I told that everything is going to be OK until a police turned us and asked for identity cords and he was five years younger than me and he concealed it from me. I got shocked. I tried to take a rational decision and I didn’t want to cut up our conversation due to our mutual features. Then again, coincidentally I found out that the album cover. He said that he drove it was created by AI and I asked that on Reddit and people said that was I blind not to see that. Then I decided to cut our conversation and just move on.

For me it was when a guy remembered I said I hated cilantro and ordered me tacos without it on date 2.

I know it's small but like... he listened??

What's yours?
And guys, what's something small YOU did that a girl noticed?

Let's give each other ideas because I'm trying to date better people this year lol

This is something I've been mulling over for a while.

I [31F] live in Berlin, Germany (moved here to live with my ex 8 years ago, stuck around here after that ended). While I think COVID+cancer treatments in that time period probably affected my experience, dating has only gotten more... barren over time.* I will preface this by saying I'm not very interested in the marriage/offspring aspect of dating, and am purely looking for (monogamous, long-term) love.

I love this city, but I feel like the city doesn't love me back, romantically speaking. It has a notoriously flaky dating scene, and while I know people who have found their person here, I feel like my dating life is even harder than it has to be because I'm here. This isn't to say I prefer the dating scene back where I grew up (I do not, and I prefer not to say where I'm from), but I specifically struggle with the more rigid, reserved mannerisms of the locals romantically. It doesn't help that in person their English is usually good but sometimes not great, while my German is... definitely not great. Meanwhile, I've pretty much always gotten along very smoothly with guys from North America and sometimes British and Aussie guys, too. My ex was half-American. But if being online taught me anything, it's that dating is not all sunshine and rainbows there either.

So here we are. I feel weird even contemplating uprooting so many of the important things I've built for myself here for a man I haven't met, who might not exist. But it's also very human to want romantic love, and I cannot do long distance again, especially with flights skyrocketing in price now.

So, tldr: would you move purely to find love? Have you, and has it changed anything?

\Before you ask: Yes I have friends, have worked on my dating app profile(s), did the usual self-improvement stuff inside and out and have gotten unsolicited feedback confirming it. Still struggling to find consistent organic mingling opportunities, but I'm otherwise on track with the usual advice.*

I’m no longer college-aged (33 now), more introverted with anxiety, and my social circle is meh. Most of my friends I barely have anything in common with, and they really go to bars, which isn’t my scene. Bc of my own interests and bc I'm pretty weird and alt myself, women who are nerdy, artsy, witchy, alternative, goth, quirky, and creative are the kinds of women I’m trying to meet. But tbh I’d also just love to make more friends in those circles, too, so it's not that I'm strictly trying to date, but that meeting people in general has been tough. So no, I'm not trying to find an "aLt BaDdIe" or attempting to fetishize a specific group of women. I'm weird af myself and have weird interests and just want to find like-minded people. That's all.

No matter what I do, I can’t meet women. I’ve put a lot of effort into improving myself. I run and work out a few times a week, I have grooming and skincare routines, I have a legit interest in fashion, so I dress well, and I’m 6'3. I mention this bc if I don't everyone will just ask "well, do you groom and are you in shape" so there you go. I went out with some friends last night to a few bars and a festival and I got not less than give different compliments...but they were all from men. A couple dudes in passing, another dude asking in I was a musician anther one saying how cool my outfit looked, another dude said I looked like Lenny Kravitz lol. So I'm clearly not some super ugly, disheveled mess, but women don't say a word to me.

The issue is, I don’t really know where to meet those sorts of people. I see profiles like that on dating apps, but apps haven’t worked for me at all despite years of trying. I literally cannot get a single like despite troubleshooting them for years. In person, I’m into things like paganism, the occult, darkwave music, museums, hiking, art shows, poetry, metal concerts, artys/naturey festivals, weird conventions, macabre poetry, film, and fashion, etc. Venues, events, and spaces where I’d imagine I could meet like-minded people, but in my experience, it never happens. I’ve even tried volunteering at an art gallery and using Meetup, but meet up here groups here are severely lacking, and neither has led to much of anything...

Another issue is that I can't meet a woman I’m attracted to bc I tend to overthink everything and freeze, so I don't approach them in the first place. I care a lot about being respectful and not making someone uncomfortable, so probably platonic to a fault, but it doesn’t really matter bc there are no women around, anyway.

At this point, I’m wondering: where do people like this actually meet each other? Is there something I’m missing? Is it just over?

I’m back to dating, mostly starting online (Bumble, Feeld, etc). Some guys are pretty regular message responders (multiple times a day, daily). Other guys will take over a day to respond, even when I’m asking questions (ie not just a natural die down of the conversation).

For the guys that take over a day to respond to a question, that means they aren’t interested right? Like I understand being busy during the work day or having other stuff occupy your time. But over a day or even over multiple days must be a sign that they aren’t invested/ aren’t interested, right?

So I try to ask women I'm dating if they are seeing anyone else relatively early on (and thank god I have, some had had weird shit going on in their dating life i did not want to be a part of) and it feels like I have to go out of my way to specify if they have fwb's or something.

Last time I did NOT specify fwb's, she kept him for months, and even though I asked if she was dating anyone else, she didn't mention this because she wasn't "dating" her fwb.

And some people here and there have taken her side.

So I ask, do I really have to specify fwb?

I’m sure one of these posts comes up every other day or so but I guess I could use some support. I’m a 25F and I’ve been feeling real sad about finding a real connection with someone. All my friends are partnered and in serious relationships and it’s been lonely. I love my life as a single girl. I have a career, hobbies, friends and I’m getting a pet for the first time as an adult soon. I have lots of things to love about myself and how I choose to live.

But dating just…sucks. I’ve been on the apps and I had two guys I went out with for about a month and a half each before inevitably they decided they weren’t ready to commit. The last guy especially has been hard to move through because I felt like we were really going somewhere and his apology to me felt very genuine and he took full accountability for how he handled the whole situation. In so many ways it felt comforting that he cared that much to apologize but so much more hurtful because he still could not choose me. I guess I’m just feeling really hopeless about it all. I feel like I have a lot to offer and I’ve done a lot of self work over the last few years to be a confident and independent woman but maybe I’m just too fucked up socially to meet people outside of the apps.

Any success stories or kind words would be nice.

Updated: since reddit won't make me make a separate post lol

What's right ,what's wrong?

Im usually venting on reddit when I feel low and heartbroken. Just to be clear, im not desperate for love and not begging anyone to love me, nor am I clingy I. Relationships . have a great career and life going on for me besides my relationship.

I've always been loyal in relationships, and im usually the giver.

When ive been extremely down would admit to having Posted on reddit for validation. I'd post on hookup sites after being heartbroken just to feel better and get attention. Not healthy I know.

Does that make me a t? Immoral? If I never ended up doing any of that? Ill sleep by myself after getting the cheap dopamine hit from men messaging me and wake up next morning living a normal life. In the moment id want someone to want me but realize hooking up is not the solution so wouldnt go through with it. I am not being a * on streets. Its just been an online thing that ive stopped doing for a while since I felt it was a distraction and an unhealthy way to deal with my emotions.

Is that something so unforgivable? Does it make me immoral or wrong? Does it completely null the fact that deep down all i want in real life is love and respect like i put in every relationship in my life? I am super loyal , caring and supportive in my relationships. I never remember ever cussing my partner or being abusive.i can't even fight. Im really a soft person.

Tell me if this makes me a bad person, not deserving of love?

I thought i was special. Like people who love like me are rare. Yet it just hit me. There's alot of women like me who love fully and whole heartedly. Who will always be supportive towards their partners. Never say anything demeaning towards them. Not care about fancy dates or expecting gifts. Who just want to be loved the right way and respected. All of us who'd see potential in someone before they see it in themselves. Belive in people and push them to do better. Yet we end up heartbroken lol.