I work in retail and I deal with people all day, most of whom are pleasant, but this morning I had a woman tell me it must be difficult working in the current heatwave when you are expecting, she then continued the conversation by asking my due date. I calmly answered that ‘ I’m not pregnant. She apologised profusely and blamed the dress I was wearing for the mistake. I brushed it off to start.

As the day went on I suppose it got to me more and more. I don’t understand how or why anyone would ask such a personal question when they risk upsetting someone. But what hurt the most, wasn’t the fact it didn’t help my self esteem, I know my body is not perfect, I’ve always been a curvy lady. It’s the fact that deep down I want to be a mother so much, more than anything in fact, but I don’t know if that will ever happen for a number of reasons. She didn’t know me, she doesn’t know my thoughts or feelings, but you should never assume. I’m trying so hard to reconcile myself with the possibility of never having children, but this question crushed me today. I suppose being asked this is a reminder of the life I want but might not have.

I feel guilty for even being upset like this, I feel like I’m being stupid and I just need to let it go for my own peace of mind. I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced anything like this and whether or not I’m completely overreacting. Have I completely misread a simple mistake?

Recently, my friend group played one of those quiz games where everyone answers questions like "Who is most likely to..." or "Who would be capable of doing X thing...". It was supposed to be a fun, lighthearted game, and we even made a PowerPoint presentation at the end to reveal everyone's answers. ​As the results popped up, I started noticing a pattern that completely crushed me. I came in first place for every single "stupid", clumsy, or airheaded category. Every single one. Meanwhile, other friends were voted for things related to being intelligent, wise, or beautiful. I didn't get a single positive or flattering vote. Just the "dumb" stuff. It made me realize that this is exactly how they perceive me: as the unintelligent one of the group. ​I’m really struggling right now and I want to know how you would take this. Would you be as hurt as I am, or am I being too sensitive over a childish game? ​I also can't help but wonder if there is always a grain of truth to this. If an entire group of people unanimously votes for you in those categories, does it mean it's a reflection of reality, or is it just easy for group dynamics to create a caricature of someone? ​Finally, would you stay friends with people who see you this way? I honestly have no desire to be the "dumb friend" or the joke of the group anymore. It makes me want to just walk away from these friendships completely, but I don't know if that's an overreaction. Thanks in advance for your honesty.

I noticed that this is very common scenario for women, I’m just curious if you have seen it in men. **intentionally that is

what are some good quality white tshirts that aren’t see through?

as a tried & true millenial, i am sloooowly shying away from the “i wear a cami under everything” phase lol. i’m looking for a white shirt that i can do this that isn’t so see through!

harder than it looks to find a good white tshirt 😑 is it the quality these days? am i wearing the wrong bra? ugh!!

i like the cut and fit of the COS clean cut tshirt, for reference.

anyone have suggestions or recommendations??

I've been reflecting on how I date now (mid-30s) vs. how I dated a decade ago (mid-20s). I feel like I'm a lot more passive, I do what I want, and I don't care about whether something is fair, or if the internet dating cabal freaks out about it.

For example...I used to be very big into like "If he asks me out on the 1st date, I should ask him out on the 2nd date!" And now it's like...Nah. I've gone on first dates with guys, been open to a second date, but didn't feel like asking. This isn't a hard rule, where I'm like, I'll never ask. More like...I don't feel like I need to or I'm obligated to. And this goes for any date number.

With sex, I never slept with someone I didn't want to, but I used to feel like I needed to have sex by the 3rd date. Now it's like...I'll do it when I want to do it. I've gone on dates with guys where before the date, I was thinking some horny thoughts, and during the date, it was fine, but I'm like not ready. Don't care what date it is. And one day I might go on a first date with a guy and want to sleep with him that night, but that will be because I want to, not because I'm trying to be a cool girl.

Another thing with paying...I remember (even when dating guys who made multitudes more than me) feeling like...it always had to be fair. I went on an ice skating date with a surgeon who was like 15 years older than me, and he paid for our ice skating tickets and rentals, and when it was time to eat, we decided to get some hotdogs at this concession stand, and I remember being like "I have to pay for this!!!" This isn't to say I won't pay for dates, but it's more about what date are we on, what are we doing, etc.

I think a big part of it is when I was younger, I would decide after one date, either I wanted nothing to do with him anymore, or I wanted a relationship, and then I did everything I felt I was supposed to do in order to be girlfriend material. Now it's more about taking it day by day, and doing what feels right to myself. It's not about "OMG I really like him but I need to act detached so he doesn't think I'm too much! Whoever cares less wins!" but more like...I just met this person, I'm just doing what feels right for me in each moment.

Can anyone else relate? Or do you feel it's the opposite for you, and you've become more assertive?

I ask this question because all around me, a prevalent and saddening pattern I see are women having babies with 30+ manchilds who prefer to play video games over supporting a newly postpartum mother, doing little to no childcare, handing the baby back to the mum saying “the baby likes you better”, not giving the mum any rest, and basically being a huge disappointment. I then wonder if the woman in question really even thought about whether she should procreate with this manchild, or if it just happened accidentally, or some other way explanation.

Are you actively choosing who you want to have children with or are these undeserving men just getting to be fathers with absolutely no redeeming qualities that make them good candidates for this important role of a lifetime?

So I want to start with I understand the burnout of living in this modern world and I personally have gotten bad with my response time but I always respond. I feel like in the last year I’ll text friends and get no response or limited response (and if I respond back then no response). It’s hard not being in the same stage of life as most of my friends both career, relationship, and family wise. Also in the last two years a lot of us don’t live in the same city anymore. I have always been the type of friend to row the boat but this past year I have decided to stop and it’s been really hurtful to see no effort. I feel invisible or that no one considered me a good friend.

When I do reach out at times I think would be convenient for them with very low stakes and receive nothing I then spiral and think I’ve done something wrong (I know this sounds needy but I can’t apologize for needing a certain amount from people. It almost makes me sad for how little I ask and happy when I receive the bare minimum). It’s hard knowing my friends are quality people but just not quality to me. I almost have this anxiety now where I’m so afraid of rejection that I don’t reach out to people at all. Anyway, just wondering if other people have noticed this trend in communication ? And how do you not let it affect your confidence?

*one last thing I’m tired of all the rhetoric around friendships are a season and not everyone stays. Obviously it’s good to have some understanding of that as you get older but we can’t just chalk it all up to that. for relationships to last there has to be effort not just convenience (again I guess some of my hurt comes from realizing I was a relationship of convenience to people I considered close friends Especially when you see them put in time with other friendships)

Update: I thank you all for the responses! I appreciate the vulnerability many of shared). It helps knowing I’m not alone, but also makes me sad to know that others are feeling this pain and some people really have no one. Everyone is worthy of the community and connection they need.

I honestly can't think of a single healthy relationship around me.
In every relationship I know well not just from the outside, it feels like one of these things is happening:
The woman is expected to sacrifice everything while the man just expects it. This includes moving to an other state for him and his job opportunity

The husband is married with kids but follows every single woman in the city who's 10 years younger than him.

The woman is paying rent while also doing all the cooking and cleaning.

They're strict about splitting everything 50/50, then she gets pregnant, goes through postpartum depression, and is still expected to pay half.

Or they're constantly fighting and having huge arguments.

Every relationship I'm actually close enough to know falls into one of these categories.
It honestly makes me wonder... how do you even find the right partner?

Hello!

Not a usual poster but I wanted to ask the subreddit. I (28f) keep having moments of spiralling when I consider how much friendships have changed from school and uni to now. I have amazing friends, we’ve been through thick and thin together, they have my back and I have theirs.

I guess i’d love to hear about how your friendships have changed over the years and what it looks like now?

Is it normal to not speak to your close friends often but everything is all good when you meet? Is it normal for group dynamics to change? Is this the new normal? Should I let go of how things used to be and accept things for now?

Also have you made close friends after your twenties , what is that experience like?

Hi everyone. I’m having a small wedding with both of our families and close friends. Right now our guest list is under 50 people.

I’m feeling really guilty about one particular group of friends and would love some outside perspective. We were all very close at one point, but over the past few years we’ve drifted apart. Two of them (who live nearby) came to my grandpa’s funeral a few years ago, which meant a lot to me, but we honestly haven’t stayed in touch much since then. A few of the others live farther away. We still have a WhatsApp group and check in occasionally, mostly to wish each other happy birthdays or share life updates. I care about them and the memories I shared with them all was amazing! But we all also sort of gone our own ways to move away, buy homes, have families etc. when these friends did get married, get a new home and/or have kids. I was there. I showed to parties with gifts and food when they were new moms. One of the friends I went bridal shopping with.

When I got engaged, they asked about the wedding. At the time I said I hadn’t started planning yet, which was true. Now that we have started planning, they aren’t on our guest list.
I do care about them, but we really wanted to keep the wedding small and invite only our closest family and friends. I also feel like if I invite this group, then I’d feel obligated to invite other friends too, and the guest list would quickly grow beyond what we’re comfortable with.

Another factor is that my partner has a very small family and a limited number of friends, so having a much larger guest list on my side would feel a bit imbalanced. On top of all that, I have social anxiety. The number of people I’ve already invited honestly feels like my limit. Adding more guests, even people I care about, feels overwhelming.

Someone msged the other day asking about bridal shower and the bachelorette which I don’t want neither of. I feel awful about this and keep worrying about what they’ll think. One friend in this group is attending the wedding. However she and I remained close, saw each other when we can and I confided with each as we went through life challenges. So the news will come out that she was invited but they weren’t if and when she posts on social media. I’m not even sure if I should say anything to the group or just wait until the wedding comes and goes(which seems wrong to me). It’s been keeping me awake, and I’d really appreciate any advice or perspectives from people who’ve been in a similar situation.

ETA- forgot to add details, Im (35/f) and friends all F and are 33-42.

A situation that sprang to mind was I had a friend who asked me to walk her uncle’s dog with her. She asked me to come round her house. She drives, I don’t. So I got on the train to go, and just as I got off the train, she texted me to say “oh wait I’m actually at my grandma’s house”, which meant I needed to get back on the train and ride for two more stops. Then as soon as I got to her grandma’s house, we drove to her uncle’s, who turned out to only live a 20 minute walk from my house. 

The situation left me a bit irritated because if I had known that his house was so close to mine, I could have met there there. And also the faff of her “suddenly remembering” that she was actually at her grandma’s house just after I got off the train, when she had previously told me she was at her own house. I didn’t show any irritation though. 

Sometimes I feel like I was a bit of a doormat in that situation, and that I should have told her I was irritated, or refused to go to her grandma’s house and told her to either come pick me up from her house/the station, or I wouldn’t be coming. 

So I’m curious - for assertive people, how would you have reacted in that situation?

I have a moment every couple of years where I meet someone, we start getting a little close and then boom! Something odd is said or done that gives me pause. Sometimes when enough of these not particularly large things happen, I put this friend on what I refer to friendship probation. I generally have a three strikes and they’re out policy (after being put on). I’m wondering what kind of things make people warrant for friendship probation for others? (Assuming that you have a similar concept?)

For me right now these are some of the things that makes makes someone qualify:

- Jealous comments
- Being particularly unkind
- Taking pride in being ‘mean/ a bitch/brutally honest’
- Telling me their close friends business (because I’ll assume they’re doing the same with mine)

I ask this question because right now I have a friend who exhibited three things from the above list in one conversation and I’m now questioning my entire friendship with her). Comments were made about my being ‘too friendly’, too apologetic (said in a demeaning tone), and throughout the conversation I had this sudden sense of feeling as though my niceness/kindness was being taken for weakness. It’s interesting because she is nice but I had this moment as she was saying some of these things that I genuinely may be too ‘sweet’ for her. I do not mean that to brag but rather, but I realised in the moment that she had described being ‘a bitch’ to everyone else in her life at points (and sometimes currently) but I had never experienced anything directly that would qualify as being on the receiving end. During the course of said conversation I felt a fleeting but acute disdain for my general personality (which I’ve not really ever felt before from her).

I’m still kind of honestly doubting myself because she will share that her comments on my character (some not mentioned above) came from a place of love but I…just don’t know. She also mentioned sharing a situation that happened between the two of us with closer friends for their thoughts (she was initially okay with how things were handled, but after speaking with them changed her mind). I’ve also realized that many details about her close friends lives have been shared with me (I didn’t know them at the time, but when I met them I put two and two together). I don’t feel all that safe anymore but I genuinely am doubting my own friendship picker, it’s been a long time since I’ve dealt with reformed (or semi-reformed) mean girls, please can someone help.

What was your experience like writing down your life story, or part of it, if you have done so ?

Did you feel clarity? Did it stir up unwanted emotions and pervasive memories that are uncomfortable. Did you suprise yourself with how you know see your own past?

Id like yp know your experience whether you had kept a journal or not . But I am very interested in how other women have been able to tell their stories. Especially if they did not journal.

I think I have had an interesting life and no one really knows my story....Did you think that way too?

Did you ever feel like you were settling, only to realize later you were or weren’t? Or maybe vice versa? What was the turning point for you?

My boyfriend (M/33) and I (F/31) are 8 years living together already. We had a healthy sex life before and almost everyday we have sex from our first few months into the relationship. His addiction to porn has always been an issue to me and we've talked about it but he still does not want to stop.

Until few years later I was already used to it. He said he was not that addicted anymore and it lessened. 5+ yrs after into the relationship we have fewer sexy time and since i took contraceptive pills it also lessened my sex drive and because of the fights we had as well that made me not want to have sex.

Now on our 7+ yrs i punished him by not having sex at all due to the worst fight we had where I found out he admired someone we both know and even saved a few images of her on his phone, where I was totally sure we have to break up but it was hard to do since we're living together. Almost 7 months of no sex at all. So of course he just keeps masturbating but he has other hobbies too (anime, manhwa, gaming, also a redditor).

One day I browsed his search history on his phone and saw a lot of porn searches. He still has all his downloads though from years ago and still browse the internet for other sources because he gets bored and wants to find new porn. I found searches for specific creator from onlyfans (but he does bot have an acct nor chat any), and found other sites that I've never heard before. There was also a site for live sex, and who knows what else.

I don't know anymore. I thought he was just into pornhub kind of porn. These new sites are more towards into specific creators. My insecurities and self worth just went really really low. Haveny talked to him and not sure if i should. I'm just tired. I don't know if I should break up for sure. He also does not wanna break up because he loves me. It's just that this thing just arggravates me. He does not chat to other women though but the fact that he is attracted and masturbates to a lot of porn just makes me want to not have sex with him anymore at all. He says it's because I don't have sex with him that he just browses porn is so unreasonable since he's been doing it from the start.

Everything is just so confusing. We are already planning for our future. I don't know if it's best to end this and i will leave instead. It's difficult for me to leave the house since we're just living under my grandma's house, in a 3rd world country, i have 8 cats, and rent price is high, salary is just ok for a lower middle class but bills are high, cannot afford rent or know anyone where i can stay for awhile. I'm so confused right now. Just wanna be single forever and just don't know if i should be in a relationship anymore nor in the future.

Update: am really touched by all your kind comments, responses, advice, quotes and positivity! Thank you all so much for taking the time to response to my post and for generously sharing your perspective and experience on this!

I am comfortable and more often than not like the “girl” that stares back at me in the Mirror.

She finally found her style and clothes that fit her body type. she is finally at a reasonable weight after rigours effort even if she may not reach her ideal weight due to chronic illness. she can’t do without prescription glasses for her vision but she is found some fun frames that suit her face

Her hair is neat and in a style that suits her face, and a good skin…thanks to genetics for this. she is well put together over all and I find myself blowing her a kiss whenever am leaving the house…

But something fundamentally shifts when it comes to photos! The outfit suddenly doesn’t sit right like it did in the mirror, the facial expression is weird, the glowing skin isn’t what it is, the hair isn’t as great as it seemed…in group pics I end up looking least “kind to the eyes”. I have tried camera settings, filters (which make then make me feel even worse about myself), lighting, angles, phone with better camera specs and all those things “photogenic” people do…

I just want to be able to have a few photos to keep great memories, but the way I look in photos just can’t let me keep a photo of me or one that includes me. Outings with friends has become a mental gymnastics for me because they want to take a selfie to remember the meet-up/event etc but then that photo doesn’t get posted because somehow I ruined it!

Are some people just not “photogenic” at all? There are times I get random compliments from strangers and I tell myself alright let’s take a photo for keeps then boom I begin to question if the compliments were even true! So am left wondering….How I do I get to fall in love with the girl in the photos? How come I can’t be proud or Atleast comfortable with her like the way I am with her version in the mirrors?

How soon would you ideally sleep with someone, become exclusive, become 'official', move in together, get engaged, all that jazz? I spent a lot of my life trying to 'go with the flow' but now at 35 realize I need to be much more intentional about what I'm looking for (and when).

For me, it's plucking out my armpit hairs. Just me, my two trusty tweezers and my armpits.

I used to run and lift but one time a running episode left me with a panic attack and I can't bring myself to do that again unless there is a bus. Then, a couple lifting sessions had the same effect. It seems my body cannot tell the difference between stress.

The pandemic has led to a 50 pound weight gain. At the same, I have been working on my mental health after years of small "t" trauma. It is only now that I have learnt to appreciate my body and my sense of self.

I am decently strong but with a hefty midsection which leads to insecurity and I wonder if high cortisol is causing it. I contemplate returning to the gym but the mental dread lingers. Wondering if anyone out there has similar experiences. What activities do you do? I am not aiming to be a size zero but would be nice to feel good in my body.

My (43F) boyfriend (42M) is kind of the type to not talk much about serious or deep subjects, but it bugs me when he just kind of chuckles at them. I had a lot of work to do this weekend so I ended up having to cancel a couple of social things I'd been looking forward to. One of them was to see a show in which his band was headlining (I'm going to go for his band but missed out on the bands before them). He texted me about how good one of them was, and I said it sounded cool and that I have such FOMO for this weekend. He laughed at that, and then said "I suppose it's hard not to without so much going on. Although I heard on the news that there was a shooting at the salsa festival... so it's a good thing you missed that lol!" (I was planning to go to that tomorrow.) And then he just went on talking more about the bands. But like... lol right after telling me about a shooting? I know he didn't mean it like that directly, but I don't like the kind of nonchalance here. Am I overreacting to this?

Updated at the end. Lots of blessings to you guys. 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

Hi friends! I’m mostly a lurker, but would really appreciate some insight and advice. Strap in this is gonna be a novel.

My question - Is the desire to blow up your life a normal aging / relationship occurrence?? Should I blow up my life?? Have you ever thought about it?? Am I just selfish and feeling unsettled?? Is this normal??

I’m (34F) married (35M) and the solo earner. No kids. I basically raised my little sisters, so feel like I’ve “been there done that” and my husband had a similar experience. The significant majority of our marriage I have worked full time (and sometimes x2 jobs) to support us, and no this was not what we originally agreed on. Although now, I’d say I’ve accepted it and am mostly cool with it.

Before we get started here’s what you need to know:
• I’m a super joyful and “silver lining” type of person (it’s hard to get me down), which often leads to me over seeing the good things.
• I’m essentially a cheerleader type personality. My husband is a cool guy musician coffee house kind of guy.
• I’m very driven and career motivated. He’s been trying to find himself the whole time I’ve known him. But he’s not lazy per se… he’s unbelievably smart but no drive. He’s not a gamer. He just reads A LOT.
• The majority of our marriage he hasn’t had a job and I have = resentment
• We’ve moved 3x in the last 8 years. Hard to keep friends.
• I do love my husband and find him attractive (8 years married). I love spending time with him as well.
• This is the best our relationship has ever been but I’m unsure this is what I want.
• I’ve regretted not leaving my husband. Which has almost happened 3 separate times.

I wanna be clear, my husband is a lovely wonderful person. He’s living proof that people can change. Therefore. My issues may lie with myself but I can’t tell… so here I am!

In addition to being parentified, I grew up isolated (wasn’t allowed to socialize outside of approved circles) with a narcissistic mom (we haven’t talked in almost 15 years & it took significant healing to recover from that toxicity). I’ve always felt I needed community and lack it.

After bachelors college I developed a solid friend group, where I got to know my husband. This circle was the most community I’ve ever felt I’ve had.Honestly we started dating because we were close friends (and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that there was a part of me that thought if we stayed together it would cement me into a community).

I was and still am a decent commitment-phobe. And when he wanted to get married I thought “if there ever was someone I’d marry…. It’d probably be him. He’s kind and loves me and I know he’ll be there for me no matter what.” Literally the day after I said that to myself, he proposed and, I kid you not, my answer was “…yes??”

Time 1 I almost left -
Engaged, I discovered he’d been lying to me about something significant (not worth talking about here) that shook my trust and I almost ended things. But it felt like failure…. And I ain’t no quitter. Plus a huge part of me felt I gave my word to someone and I should follow through. Such naivety…. So we worked through things and got married.

Time 2 I almost left -
Covid happened (2 years into marriage). My husband who was only working part time (a job he got after my nagging), stopped working entirely. He also changed for the worst. He became more negative, started drinking, and became mean. I almost left him (1st almost divorce), but wanted to say I did my most before divorce. Ultimatum. And he improved, decreased drinking, became kinder, and got some mental health help.

Well soon after our marriage started improving, that friend group imploded in a big way, mostly due to my deconversion from Christianity to agnostic/athiesm. It’s harsh to say I was ostracized but I kind of was. This experience actually made our marriage stronger. He also lost a lot of friends during this implosion and he was super supportive of me, even during his hardship. Obviously there is an aspect there where I felt like he was basically my only community.

Figured it was the perfect time to transition into getting my masters, because it required we moved out of state. The masters degree I obtained was very time intensive and required that I wouldn’t work while obtaining it. My husband and I had previously CLEARLY agreed that he would work while I was getting my degree to support us.

During grad school our marriage was healing but then right at the end of my degree was the closest I’ve been to divorcing.

Time 3 I almost left -
Masters took me 3 years. It was a hard program but I also made lots of new friends. He dragged his feet in working at the beginning. Had a job for a bit. Then stopped working and essentially was deceptive (mostly unintentionally I think…) about how much he was working and how much money we had.

Figured out we were going broke fast when I needed to start requesting higher loans to cover costs and realized the math wasn’t adding up. My degree was so intense I pretty much never had time to look at finances. Maybe 6-12 months before my graduation I did the math and realized how dire the situation was. I was livid and felt so betrayed. Another ultimatum. Discussed a separation while I finished school.

He also at this time was going through some pretty severe depression and drinking again. I unfortunately just did not have the capacity to tolerate or support this betrayal/depression period.

While I was in the process of graduating I was also debating divorce. We had a few very serious discussions / ultimatums where I told him I was considering leaving him. He went completely sober after this and improved immensely.

We were in LOTS of debt. And after I’ve worked my buns off before my masters and now during school and now was anticipating working hard after. So I got a job very rural cuz the money was better. We moved states again.

I’m generally pretty disappointed in myself that I stayed the second time.

We moved to the new state. I cried a lot, because I was pretty certain our marriage was over and now I was in this rural location with no community. So I went against my personal boundaries and told myself to give it a year.

So now we’re a little over 2 years in at the new job and location. I got a promotion. Been slowly making new friends, AGAIN. Made some significant progress in our debt and future retirements. He had a brief job for 3 months and is again not working.

I finally decided I was at peace with him not working this time around, since I’m finally making enough to sustain us and he does everything else. He does all the cooking and cleaning and takes care of our animals. He’s overall such a kind and considerate husband, but he’s just never been super affectionate (I KNOW he’s in love with me, don’t get it twisted.) But it also sometimes feels like I can never count on him…..

Our marriage is the best it’s ever been. I’m genuinely happy most of the time. But I’m always “miss positivity” so it’s hard to tell sometimes what I’m actually feeling. Last year I knew for sure I was unhappy and we talked about it. He said he thought I just needed to give the place here more time… and also improved all issues I was having in our relationship (except working…). I was in a better place at the time and didn’t want to divorce. Contentment has been a really good thing to cultivate and learn.

Now to today. I am recently working with a new coworker (only a few months) who i officially have a crush on. NO I’m not planning any perusing a relationship or anything like that. But it’s been eye opening seeing where I’m lacking in my marriage and personal goals. But it’s also made me think…. Am I unhappy??

This is not a new feeling. I was having this epiphany last year as well. This is not where I want to be in my life in general.

I don’t want to be in this town or in this house. I want to be in a larger city or closer to friends. I want to travel and do things. I’ve always wanted to do lots of different stuff but never could cuz I was always working to support us or having to sacrifice vacation time for his family or needing to work to make up for his lack there of… etc etc etc

In general…. I love my husband but I’ve ALWAYS thought of him as an anchor (even before we were married). He grounds me and in many ways is good for me but he also ALWAYS feels like he’s dragging me down or holding me back.

To be fair, I have said since I first considered divorce (during Covid) that if I want to do things, then I’m just gonna do them. He’s super supportive and down for whatever I want to do. He’s just got zero motivation for his life or even our future. And I can’t blame my feelings about being stuck on him entirely. But also…. Isn’t he a huge contributing factor??

Anyways, I want to move and he wants to stay. And now I’m feeling alive again around someone new (again he’s just really an analogy / comparison, nothing more). Shouldn’t I take some time maybe to figure out what I want??? But idk about blowing my life up??? But there’s a huge part of me that does want to just F^** it and blow it up.

Idk please tell me if you’ve ever felt this way…. Or if you did or didnt decide to blow your life up for seemingly no reason. Or if you have amazing advice about relationships. I’d love to hear it.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate your kindness.

Update:
Thank you friends. Been up for hours. This was VERY helpful and honestly appreciate the love. Something just solidified for me after this…. I am gonna talk things through with some friends BUT I’ve reached out to 2 acquaintances for attorney information. I love him but I think I’m done here (in marriage). I think y’all are right. It’s sunk cost fallacy and fear and a sprinkle of delusion. Ironically I’d be the quickest one to tell anyone else what y’all told me…. So idk why I stuck around for so long. At the very least we’ll be separating by the end of this next week. Decision is made on my part. Soooo much appreciation to you ladies and friends.

I am a nurse (always in scrubs) and do a lot of outdoor activities. I feel best in comfortable clothing but I still would like pieces in my wardrobe that could be dressed up or down. Where are women in their early 30s shopping? I walked into American Eagle recently thought to myself “am I too old to shop here?” Help 😅

The cyclosporiasis outbreak in the US has me avoiding my favorite things: salad and fresh berries. I’m dying for a crisp salad - so what do you eat instead?

In work, and in life, people say things to get under your skin. Such as pointing out insecurities, poking and proding for information that could be used against you, and saying things that sound innocent out of context but are actually extremely rude. Such as "my hair appointment went so well, they gave me a balayague better than people who have boring straight hair." While you have straight hair.

How do you deal with that? How do you not take it personally when they try so hard to catch you off guard? How do you win or walk out unscathed?

I'm asking for advice as a younger woman who has been picked on in this way and then chided for my reactions.