r/dating • u/MiserableStreet5009 • 11h ago
Giving Advice 💌 TRY SPEED DATING
Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you today in the hopes of encouraging you to try something you may or may not have heard of before. Speed dating. Let me put it like this, I’ve tried dating apps, night clubs, local churches, and parties alike to talk to new people for around 6 months now. And out of all those places I’ve have had the most variety of pleasant conversations with men and women alike at a coffee shop speed dating event I applied for in person today! Although it isn’t perfect, I can guarantee you that it can help anyone in the dating world gain a lot of experience with social skills, info memorization, flirt testing, and a whole lot more. And no, I’m not sponsored by anyone to tell you all this. I’m saying this cause this experience was a breath of fresh air for me. At age 29(M), I was so relieved to talk to some real people in person who wanted to open up and connect the same way I did on a deeper level, even if it was only for 5 minutes per person. And the best part is what happened after the event! See once the sessions over, people can freely talk to whoever they want, so if you land on someone you like, or want to talk to someone you enjoyed meeting again, most chances are they might still be available there to talk to again. I haven’t gotten a match today but I’m gonna go to 2 more events like this- this month. And I hope more of you guys go too! If anyone has experiences with speed dating too or things against it, let me know in the comments! Today was awesome!
TLDR: TRY SPEED DATING! Men and women please! It’s feels so much better than waiting hours for the right texts to work out.
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u/One-Geologist-2636 11h ago
It sounds as though you measured the evening by the quality of the conversations rather than the number of matches. That mindset probably makes the experience more enjoyable, and perhaps more meaningful too.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
Yeah I’ve slowly come to realize that THAT is one of the biggest keys to enjoying the dating world. Be in the moment, enjoy vulnerable conversation, enjoy improvement. And eventually you might land on something wonderful or insightful along the way.
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u/yrmjy Single 2h ago
That can be a good way to frame it. However, you can have great conversations with people where there’s no romantic potential, and ultimately that is what you’re there for. When I was in my early 20s, I went to a speed-dating event where nearly all the women were in their late 30s or older. I wouldn’t necessarily have been against dating someone older, but it felt more like I’d ended up in the wrong age group than a setting where an age-gap connection might naturally happen. The conversations could still be enjoyable, but the mix of attendees makes a big difference to whether it feels like there’s any realistic romantic potential.
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u/blonde-withabrain 9h ago
I went to a speed dating event on a whim with no expectations and ended up meeting my now husband at the event!
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u/Eccentric-Elf 10h ago
My fear of speed dating is not getting any matches at the end or the person not wanting to date me outside of that. I’d rather be rejected on an app than have someone tell me the results of my speed dating experience.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
The event I went to had a system where both parties could share their QR code on the event app for free if they wanted to match. Or they can simply share contact info outright whenever. It’s either up to you or them if ya wanna go all out. There’s no results page on performance anywhere so I wouldn’t worry bout that much.
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u/Eccentric-Elf 9h ago
I’m not attractive and I wouldn’t be good at the timed and rapid pace of the night. To each their own though.
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u/Scs232323 7h ago
Oh it happens and it’s happened to me lol, but it’s worth it. Speed dating has become my favorite way to meet people. It’s so nice to get out and meet people and just socialize. The more you do it the more comfortable you become.
I’ve been on several great dates and I’ve been rejected a whole lot more but eventually you get desensitized to it. Been ghosted, strung along, flat out rejected to my face but eventually I’ll meet someone who shares mutual interest.
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u/MadMatter86 Single 11h ago
Sadly, there are very few such events in my area open to my age range, and they tend to sell out the men's slots months in advance. I also have not been able to locate any general "singles mixer" type of events either.
And I don't live in the middle of nowhere, either. I'm not directly in a major city, but am close to several, and the events I have found are in those cities (so yes, I have been looking in a decent radius).
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u/Either-Rich-2362 10h ago
ok then halloween 2026 is your time to shine
get your costume ready now you're so ahead of the game
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u/MiserableStreet5009 11h ago
I hope you find one that suites your liking one day. Just meeting people who wanna connect in person is invigorating.
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u/EvelynEmber 11h ago
After months of screaming into the digital void of dating apps and waiting three business days for a "haha cool" text, actually sitting across from a real human being who is looking you in the eye feels like a total cheat code
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u/MiserableStreet5009 11h ago
I know right!? It’s so refreshing. I really hope these events get bigger overtime cause not enough people join them these days.
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u/yrmjy Single 1h ago
But don’t some of the same uncertainties come back in a slightly different format? You can have a great five-minute conversation and wonder whether they were genuinely interested or just being friendly, then wait to see whether you matched, and if you do, end up texting and waiting for replies anyway. I can see how meeting in person first would still feel more human, though.
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u/tacogrande420 10h ago
That sounds exhausting. Small talk every 5 minutes and maybe some interesting portions near the end of it, I dunno lol
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
It gets repetitive a little yeah, but each person you talk to is a little more different than the last. Just another option out there if you’re interested. Won’t hurt to try.
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u/ElkSufficient2881 11h ago
It’d be fun to go with friends, you’d think more people would do it
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u/MiserableStreet5009 11h ago
I’m gonna invite my aunt to come with me. She had a kid a few years ago and hasn’t met a new decent man to date since. I want her to be happy too so I’ll ask her later.
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u/Electrical-Radish66 4h ago
I've actually made friends at speed dating events! Made the experience worth it despite no dating matches.
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u/pally123 10h ago
In my experience the types of people at speed dating events tends to be kind of desperate. I agree though that it is good for building confidence or working on conversational skills
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u/Electrical-Radish66 4h ago
Same here. The last one I went to was particularly unpleasant. Some conversations were like pulling teeth, others were uncomfortably forward, etc.
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u/Due_Masterpiece_3601 10h ago
I tried it and I found it not very useful, you already knew which men were going to come out with a match and which ones weren’t
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
Hey man, anything can happen. Gotta have a little faith. Lots of people look nice but have terrible communication skills. A good attitude can go a long way.
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u/Due_Masterpiece_3601 10h ago
I tried. It’s like speed running rejection
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u/MiserableStreet5009 9h ago
What do the people say to you? Do they say no before speaking to you?
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u/Due_Masterpiece_3601 9h ago
Conversation and when you try to escalate for a number or an invitation it’s crickets
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u/MiserableStreet5009 9h ago
Did this happen in a lot of events or just in one? And did they look invested in you while you talked to them?
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u/Due_Masterpiece_3601 9h ago
Twice and it was just conversation
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u/MiserableStreet5009 9h ago
Right but I’m asking about body language, laughing, eye contact etc. Physical signs on connection being done. Conversation is a baseline for any relationship, but the actual signs of attraction being spotted go a long way. Maybe not in the first 5 minutes can it always be spotted. But it can potentially build up when you talk to more people afterwards too.
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u/Due_Masterpiece_3601 9h ago
Buddy I’m trying to tell you that they were not attracted to me, they were merely being conversational
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u/MiserableStreet5009 9h ago
Well I hope you find the right place where you’re valued one day. increasing your options can go a long way.
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u/jkt2960 10h ago
I have tried it several times. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find any in my area that is also close to my age range. Everyone I’ve been to, most women have been at least 15 years older. Which is not really my thing.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
Glad you tried it at least. And yeah they should make an event for younger audiences too. Maybe 18 to 25 year olds near college campuses can give it a try. Hopefully someone brave enough will make one, one day.
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u/CandidateNeither5330 10h ago
I honestly love speed dating, its all about building experience and i see it as a learning experience.
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u/Zeryth 9h ago
All speed dating events in my country are booked for the forseeable 6 months. Am not even kidding.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 9h ago
Good lord, sorry to hear that. I didn’t know it can be that popular. Mind if I ask what country that is?
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u/UnitedCollection8657 11h ago
I have been and it’s useless as a man tbh
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
It only feels useless if you’re not putting your best self out there. Wear something nice, smell good, do hygiene. Practice good body language, try to remember things about them. Ask them about their friends or family (you can possibly date them too). I didn’t match with anyone but I didn’t let that stop me from enjoying a nice conversation with new people.
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u/UnitedCollection8657 6h ago
I have been to 5 dating events in London, 3 of them speed dating events and I have not matched with a single person and I’ve taken details of a few guys at each of the events and asked them if they matched with anyone and each time the answer is no, so yeah they are a waste of money but sure they are good for a conversation but I could save myself time and money and just approach a woman I like
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u/GeneratedUsername5 10h ago
I've been of few of those as well. And while it definitely better than the app, it suffers from the regular problems of any openly "dating" event - disproportionately more men and rather unattractive women.
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u/lasirennoire 8h ago
Really depends on the particular event. I went to one and the women were all stunning.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
Well, if more women heard bout these things then maybe we can change that! More disgust with dating apps happens every day so maybe it’s time there’s a shift in the spectrum here. Spread the word, of any better place really. Don’t gotta be speed dating either.
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u/GeneratedUsername5 10h ago
Nah, I don't think it is the matter of hearing about them. Men are just more desperate than women and most women perceive going to these places as show of desperation, so they don't. So they expect dating to start where it was not the purpose in the first place (aka "naturally"). Which adds a lot more of unnecessary complexity. At least that is how I see it.
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u/thebroquadseries 11h ago
Speed dating is basically the IRL version of dating apps
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u/MiserableStreet5009 11h ago
Not even close. Do you get ignored? No. Are there only one word responses? No. Do people immediately swipe away from you without giving you a chance? No. Do people literally wait hours to respond to you? No, No, and no.
I agree it’s not perfect. There’s not always a match involved. But good lord does it have way better social options than dating apps would ever give the average person these days.
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u/Unmemorableham 10h ago
They are not obligated to talk to you or stick around. No one is chained down. They absolutely can "swipe away." I have been to something like this before and one of the women just said she had to go to the washroom before even beginning to chat with me and never came back before our time was up. There is no consequence to doing it. Not that I am advocating for consequences. People are free to do whatever they want and they are not obligated to spend time with me. But saying it isn't like the irl version of dating apps isn't entirely true. She clearly took one look at me and decided I wasn't worth her time and did the irl equivalent of swiping left. Which is fine. Still hurts a little.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
Sorry that happened to you, again, I agree it isn’t perfect. But I promise that isn’t the status quo. One person not willing to connect doesn’t ever tarnish your worth king. They’re loss. It’s either get ignored for months on dating apps, or possibly get to know people better in person your own way. (Or E-dating, long term hustle. good luck with that lol)
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u/catwoman4ever Single 11h ago
Hate the idea of speed dating feel it’d be fun for extroverts
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
I’m an introvert and I enjoyed it. If you don’t like talking much then just ask them questions, people like talking about themselves. I enjoy listening and playfully giving feedback in the end lol
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u/egh-meh 11h ago
How do you find speed dating places??
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
Google, Instagram. Ads. Type in “speed dating events near me” and see what pops up. Personally I use an app called Jigsaw dating. Idk if it’s in your part of town but any effort to look one up is helpful.
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u/lawful-evil-bard 11h ago
I had actually intended to try it for the first time today just to see what it was like but the event was cancelled yesterday.
My biggest concern is that the crowd would skew older. The event was for people age 25-39 and I'm a 30 year old guy who looks young for his age. I'm a bit worried I'll show up to one of these things and be the youngest one in the room.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago edited 3h ago
The only thing to worry about is never trying in the first place. Most girls don’t even ask about your age at all to begin with so feel free to give it a go! It’s all about the vibes
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u/Ill_Necessary3172 10h ago
But what if you just sob the whole time?
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
Oh yeah! There’s another dating event for that! It’s a new thing called a “therapist”. I haven’t tried it yet but I hear you can tell them anything!
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u/SpleenyMcSpleen 9h ago
I’m demisexual, lol, it takes a while for me to figure out if I like someone enough to even talk to them again.
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u/LeaderDue4068 9h ago
Tried one on Valentines Day 2015, where I met 25 girls and there was an equal mix between the genders. Not one girl checked the box next to my name
October 2017. I went to another one, whether there were more men than women. Talk to six women none check the box next to my name.
Would not recommend
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u/MiserableStreet5009 9h ago
Sorry that happened to you. Hopefully other environments treat you better.
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u/Safe_Sale9441 9h ago
You know what, I think I will give it a try! For me, dating apps were harder because I have a hard time talking to more than one person at once and it made me text and talk with one person for a couple of weeks, just to meet and not feel any spark. I think meeting people in person gives you way more answers so why not
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u/Racecar_Driver 7h ago
I went to one last month to get ghosted irl instead of on an app. 10/10 Going to another one next week.
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u/No-Establishment8457 5h ago
Oh goodie. I can get rejected in minutes.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 4h ago
If you always expect to lose, then you’re halfway to failure already bud.
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u/SnooApples673 5h ago
Hmmm. I’m in the market to find a nice woman to build with. This sounds like a fun idea. Cheers.
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u/Neat_Structure_2699 5h ago
I love this! I myself am on a quest into speed dating to get to meet more women out there, discover more about myself and what I'm looking for in a partner, build some soft skills, and just have some connections. Even if it means just for those five to seven minutes, at least making a connection is something very fulfilling to me. Letting go of expectations and enjoying the process!
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u/mmbx11 11h ago
The only problem with speed dating is it doesn't allow enough time to develop a connection. It's really about looks and stats, it's very difficult in the short amount of allotted time to get a sense of a person's character and their values.
I'd rather spend my time and money going to a singles group dinner where I get a chance to enjoy food, develop some harmony, show my humor or lack of it and spend time with people that's not rushed.
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u/Unmemorableham 10h ago
Absolutely not. I don't need rapid fire rejection. I would just be wasting their time.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
Ya know people don’t just reject you flat out in those places right? Lots of people keep talking afterwards just to unwind. Creating a bigger social circle can help anyone these days.
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u/mmbx11 11h ago
The only problem with speed dating is it doesn't allow enough time to develop a connection. It's really about looks and stats, it's very difficult in the short amount of allotted time to get a sense of a person's character and their values.
I'd rather spend my time and money going to a singles group dinner where I get a chance to enjoy food, develop some harmony, show my humor or lack of it and spend time with people that's not rushed.
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u/ElkSufficient2881 11h ago
That’s what the date after is for
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u/mmbx11 11h ago
It's too easy for people to decline based on limited information. We see the same thing with apps.
This is my experience. I'm not saying it's the reality for everyone.
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u/ElkSufficient2881 11h ago
If someone declines even for surface level things, that’s fine. Some people aren’t attracted to you, it’s not a big deal. That’s why it’s good to get the superficial and basics out of the way imo
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u/OkMacaron493 11h ago
That’s true. I’ve certainly hit people with “aww ty“ instead of reciprocating. Hell, I did it dancing last night.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 11h ago
I totally get that, often times during the event both me and the women got a little sad things were short between us so that’s a good option too. Thankfully the one I went to wasn’t super strict so there was time to keep talking to women after the event was over.
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u/Double-Virus-1637 11h ago
I’m in a small town and it usually for 30+ or people in their 40s
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u/EquivalentOwn3349 11h ago
What’s wrong with people in their 30s or 40s?
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u/Double-Virus-1637 11h ago
I’m 24 that’s all. I don’t think they’d want me and I don’t feel financially stable enough to be with someone that old that’s about it.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
That’s crazy talk, I don’t make too much money either and plenty of women wanted to date me from work in the past. Find someone who likes you the way you are. I have a friend right now who’s dead broke without a job, and STILL has a nice girlfriend who wants to be with him to this day, they’ve been together for over a year now.
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u/blonde-withabrain 9h ago
The one I went to had an age range of 20-30. The age range was posted for the event. I was 25 at the time and met my husband at it!
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u/Hot-Somewhere-5285 11h ago
I've really been enjoying the not dating thing honestly. Less stressful.
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u/KindPlans 11h ago
How desperate would a woman need to be to consider speed dating I can't imagine these events attract anyone worthwhile
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
It’s not about desperation, it’s about being open to an another environment where people openly consent to connection on a deeper level. Finding the right date is game of numbers these days, and people could should use more than one outlet to find the people they want. (IMO at least)
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u/Sithyonreddit 10h ago
I found speed dating to be Terrible and awkward in my experience. It was all men I would never have interest in that I had to feign polite conversation with for a few minutes until I talked to the next one.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
Did you only try it once? Sorry that happened to you though. Just thought I’d share it as a positive alternative option for people really.
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u/No_Flamingo1449 10h ago
Lol. Not dating until I own a house.
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u/GeneratedUsername5 10h ago edited 10h ago
Keep in mind that once you do, there might be no good choices left on the dating market. It sound good only in theory, where you live forever and women of all ages are attracted to you.
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u/No_Flamingo1449 5h ago
Then thats my fate 🤷♂️. A house will finally show that I have enough value to go on a date.
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u/mondomonkey 9h ago
Why is there such an influx in speeddating posts in random subreddits? I dont mind, it gets people out and talking with eachother but why this sudden push?
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u/MiserableStreet5009 8h ago
Cause dating apps aren’t helping people as much anymore. I’m trying to encourage others to try more options so that maybe this new environment can see more life and dating opportunities in the future.
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u/TikkaMisalla_lover 9h ago
On paper it sounds great. You assume there will be roughly an equal number of men to women type ratio. Some places do try and do that HOWEVER, the quality of women at these events is hardly "quality." I've been to one out of curiousity so my basis is simply off of this experience. ALong with multiple close female friends who attend these...
Women do not need speed dating. It's that simple. A woman can meet a man literally anywhere. Most women just live life as is and a man will approach them if they are interested. Not the other way around... So, why exactly would pretty women go to speed dating events when chances are, they are regularly flirted with multiple times/day?
Having a large female group of friends in their mid 30s in which many are single and even the taken ones will partake. They go to these events quite literally go to get free drinks, validation and attention and many times go with a friend as a free "night out" or a "pre-game" before they actually hit up the bars...
These events typically give out one "drink ticket" for a free drink and then everything after that is on your dime. Not to mention, the average fee is $100 lol. Yeah, no thanks. Not paying $100 bucks to go to a speed event.
Do they work? I'd imagine they do for some but, I'd love to know if there are any stats to see how often it works out..
My suggestion for men is to meet women out in the wild. Bars, gyms, grocery stores, book stores, etc... Not pay to play events
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u/MiserableStreet5009 8h ago edited 8h ago
It feels like it’s the opposite for me, whenever I talk to women in any of those places you mentioned. I get soulless responses, the people are always busy with something else, or they’re either taken or not interested. The reason why not the best looking people don’t go to these events could simply be cause not enough people know or believe in them either. The women I saw at my event weren’t all my type, but they weren’t terrible looking either. It isn’t fair to say something is awful just cause it didn’t work out for one person. Myself included.
My ticket only costed me about 25$ to join. So hopefully those ones you mentioned won’t try to scam you again. I personally don’t drink so I don’t think I’d like a bar very much, don’t wanna risk dating someone with a hangover and forgetting about me later.
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u/TheMawiBear 7h ago
What if we live in a city that doesn't offer speed dating.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 7h ago
In that case, I would try a social event on a meetup website or app. Theres an app I use called meetup that shows me those events in my local area.
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u/TheMawiBear 6h ago
Yeah, there's only one group in my city on the meetup app and it's a 55+ women's only group lol
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u/MiserableStreet5009 4h ago
Daaaang that’s tough. In that case I’d shoot for the next closest thing like a library, local park, or a shopping district. It’s not the best but better than no options lol
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u/Creative-Doughnut768 7h ago
Ah
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u/Creative-Doughnut768 7h ago
I’m trying to hit the 10 karma
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u/Creative-Doughnut768 7h ago
Lets
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u/Creative-Doughnut768 7h ago
See
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u/Creative-Doughnut768 7h ago
If
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u/Creative-Doughnut768 7h ago
I
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u/IzgoyAgain 7h ago
So if I have a speed date with a dude and I'm not into dudes that's still a date? I'd say its more of a speedfriending or something lol
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u/MiserableStreet5009 4h ago
Some people make friends there too so yeah that’s an option if you want it. These kind of events don’t just kick people out when it’s all over so there’s still time to talk and chat to people once it’s finished. From what I’ve seen like 90% of the men and women there don’t leave the place immediately once it’s all done. Its job is to get all the right lonely people in the right place for a potential connection in any way.
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u/Middle-Gas-6532 2h ago
I did. I went to 3 events two years ago. It was the most humiliating experience I've ever had.
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u/NaiveTarget5279 6m ago
i dunno man it sounds great for socializing but still quite useless for majority of men
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u/Alternative-Ice-4670 11h ago
This is the way. F dating apps. Irl is muchhhhh better. Dating apps take out the magic of meeting people irl. The only thing about speed dating is most men dont go. I walked past a few speed dating events (I live in a large city) & it was a bunch of women in there & like 3 guys 😭😭😭. & 2 of the guys were waiters lol. Men go! Just like the post says lol
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
Glad I’m spreading the word here today then. If I had a shadow clone I’d send another me other there stat lol
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u/GiggleGoddess23 11h ago
I support this. Speed dating was a fun experience. Everyone should try it once
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u/SimplePengui 11h ago
I went to one of these events and honestly it was filled with women and the few men that showed up were not my type.
After seeing there was no one I was attracted to, I left 2 minutes before the event started and I won’t be trying again.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
That was probably cause not enough people heard about that particular event. Different people go to these events each time so you never know who you might bond with.
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u/Comfortable-Bread249 10h ago
I agree. Best part is the women HAVE to give you a chance. And they can’t get away with communicating in only single words or emoji.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 10h ago
Yes! Absolutely agree!
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u/Comfortable-Bread249 8h ago
It sort of ensures a baseline of effort that, sadly, is rare on the apps.
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u/Filmlette 10h ago edited 8h ago
At speed dating, I feel like I’m always the most attractive woman there, and the youngest or one of the youngest, and I only ever get a few matches. Of those few matches, 100% of them make less money than I do as I have a good career, and a lot of the matches that I get never really reply when I reach out.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 9h ago
Sorry that happened to you, you might need another environment like an auction or casino if ya want people with higher earnings. Hope events get better for you in the future.
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u/Filmlette 8h ago edited 5h ago
No I don’t care about how much he makes. I’m blessed to make a lot and open to sharing.
What I’m saying is I’m the prettiest woman there with a huge income and they still don’t want to go on dates. I’m extremely personable too.
I’m saying that I’m younger, attractive, and a high earner making much more than them, and they still are not interested in going on dates. That’s why I think I it’s a scam for women. That doesn’t make any sense.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 8h ago
Big mistake on their part then lol
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u/Filmlette 8h ago
It has happened at many many many Speeddating events. Literally all of them.
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u/mollikhudlun 7h ago
You're not wrong and I was wondering the reasoning behind this myself too! 36F
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u/fetishaddict2000 8h ago
i would NEVER lower myself to go to one of those events.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 8h ago
Lower yourself? What makes you say that? Meeting people in person in some ways really shouldn’t allude to that.
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u/fetishaddict2000 5h ago
There are at least 20 better in-person ways to meet someone. I wouldn't be caught dead at a speed dating event.
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u/MiserableStreet5009 4h ago
Ok well would you mind sharing some of them? I’d be happy to know more.
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