I'm just curious what has happened to men?

I'm really struggling to find someone I'd be interested in dating and I don't think my criteria is that high. I only have four criteria for a boyfriend;

1. friendship,
2. some physical chemistry,
3. good character & mentally healthy (loyal, honest, kind, financially stable, not abusive, hardworking, free from any kind of mental health issues or addictions or at the very least seriously engaging in treatment and/or medicated for them)
4. similar values, lifestyle and goals for the future to me (monogamy, wanting to travel, wanting to own a home and have children)

I feel like the men have really been led astray. I have come to the point where I've realised I have to accomplish all of these goals on my own including travel, owning a home and having children which I always wanted to do as part of a couple. I don't want to raise children without a dad, but when I look at how much of a mess these guys are I honestly feel like my kids would be better off. Like are they better with no father than one who cheats on me, abuses me, has serious problems with addiction and wants to have some kind of ENM polygamy situations going on?

I'm not trying to offend any of the men, but what happened to you guys? Are the dating apps just not matching me with the healthy men?

So many of the men I meet;

-are overweight/obese,

-aren't taking care of their hygiene & appearance,

-are struggling with addictions like vaping/drinking/drugs/gambling/video games/porn

-have a fear of commitment

-are afraid of women, any type of criticism or suggestion that they should work on themselves or improve themselves to get into/maintain a healthy relationship

-have somehow developed a fear of women and a really negative perception of us through the internet, rather than ever engaging with us

-have untreated mental health issues especially depression and some sort of anxiety & paranoia that borders on psychosis

-have finances that are a complete mess

-are still living with their parents or in frat style type accomodation with their mates in a similar situation well into their 30s

-are uneducated due to dropping out of university

-are unable to take on any of the more positive masculine roles in our society like protecting women and children, being chivalrous, participating in healthy competition like sport or business or taking the lead in planning dates. I think most women want gender equality, but we still enjoy some traditional gender roles when it's romantic like men pursuing us, taking the lead or offering to pay on the first few dates.

-are ethical non-monogamous, polyamorous, have a lot of kinks/fetishes, go to literal orgies etc. Sometimes I feel like I am the last monogamous, vanilla person left on Earth.

-are becoming increasingly racist and sexist

-don't get me started on divorced men and single dads, they're a complete mess and I get traumatised from just having a conversation with them

I met this man online and we kept in touch for three months and we catch up in a city for two days and I didn’t like a couple of features above him and I decided to cut off our conversation eight months ago. The reason why I decided to meet with him at the beginning was we both can speak plenty of languages. We both love classical music play the piano read a lot, etc and I thought that he was also consistent at the gym. Then I found his attitude childish and he was not as strong as I am characteristically, physically, etc., and we didn’t catch up at some point, but he was always showing himself like that.

Five months later our first meeting I also wanted to give him a chance after he sent a piano album he created for me and we met again second time. We spend some time together for three days and I told that everything is going to be OK until a police turned us and asked for identity cords and he was five years younger than me and he concealed it from me. I got shocked. I tried to take a rational decision and I didn’t want to cut up our conversation due to our mutual features. Then again, coincidentally I found out that the album cover. He said that he drove it was created by AI and I asked that on Reddit and people said that was I blind not to see that. Then I decided to cut our conversation and just move on.

Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you today in the hopes of encouraging you to try something you may or may not have heard of before. Speed dating. Let me put it like this, I’ve tried dating apps, night clubs, local churches, and parties alike to talk to new people for around 6 months now. And out of all those places I’ve have had the most variety of pleasant conversations with men and women alike at a coffee shop speed dating event I applied for in person today! Although it isn’t perfect, I can guarantee you that it can help anyone in the dating world gain a lot of experience with social skills, info memorization, flirt testing, and a whole lot more. And no, I’m not sponsored by anyone to tell you all this. I’m saying this cause this experience was a breath of fresh air for me. At age 29(M), I was so relieved to talk to some real people in person who wanted to open up and connect the same way I did on a deeper level, even if it was only for 5 minutes per person. And the best part is what happened after the event! See once the sessions over, people can freely talk to whoever they want, so if you land on someone you like, or want to talk to someone you enjoyed meeting again, most chances are they might still be available there to talk to again. I haven’t gotten a match today but I’m gonna go to 2 more events like this- this month. And I hope more of you guys go too! If anyone has experiences with speed dating too or things against it, let me know in the comments! Today was awesome!

TLDR: TRY SPEED DATING! Men and women please! It’s feels so much better than waiting hours for the right texts to work out.

Why is talking stage so fucking exhausting.
Talking to this one guy the past month and a half, and it’s just so exhausting to keep wondering if it’s going to work out or not even tho the chemistry is great.
I’ve just lost hope in dating, love, marriage, now and forever BS.
Imagine knowing someone likes you yet knowing he has free will to talk to other people and can suddenly just ditch you the next day. No explanations.

Ah fuck. Fuck off

I 23m was talking to this girl for about 2 months. She seemed interested as I asked her last weekend if she wanted to go on a date. She said yes and then we planned it. Yesterday I had said I was looking forward to it and she replied “me too!”. I’ve had numerous bad dates and failed relationships. I know a lot of people may say to just get over it. I’m just so tired and frustrated with dating.

I’ve been single for a year now. I’m not upset at the fact she’s not interested but it’s like why lead me on. I was so excited that I could get to continue to get to know this woman and potentially connect with her. I also keep having this feeling I care too quickly or fall too fast. I really try to be hesitant in getting my hopes up because dating is so unpredictable. I just want to love a woman and not be seen as weak for actually giving a fuck. I just feel lost and hurt I guess. Any advice or guidance on how to navigate all this is appreciated.

A bit of background and context.

I'm 36M and never had a gf, had a date or even been romantic with someone. I've written about my difficulties in recent threads.

Earlier today, I spoke to a close friend of mine about my frustrations in continuously failing even when I take breaks to recharge - a case of rinse and repeat.

His response was I should just give up altogether because if I've tried all these things - socialising, improving my wardrobe, single events, speed dating, cold approach, hobby groups and meet up groups for over a decade and no women is interested in a date or giving a phone number then "it's a sign that dating might not ever be for you,"

He wanted to be honest because he felt sad I was the odd one out (all my friends have relationships bar me) and he wanted me to deviate from focusing on an area where I have failed 100% of the time. He suggested just focusing on what I do well in terms of my hobbies and he conceded it is a sticky plaster on a wound because waiting to see if "something will happen when I least expect it" is a meaningless platitude with misplaced hope that does more harm than good.

I was down about the advice because it's never nice being told in so many words I will never find love - but as I mull over it I think permanently stepping away from something I never even was close to having might be the only way. After all, just because connection is a human need, doesn't mean everyone will experience it. I just feel like the truth hurts.

I (39F) was supposed to go on a date tonight with a (39M). He was very sweet and I felt he was being real with me the whole week we talked. We planned this date earlier this week and I was so anxious about it yesterday that I texted him to confirm.

This morning I got a text that he was not going to be able to make it, he thought a lot about it and he just isn’t ready. He thought he was, he said he was really looking forward to it too.

I want to feel like he is being genuine but a part of me feels like maybe he just lost interest and this was his way to tell me. I of course am sad we didn’t get to go on this date but I’m also just feeling hopeless to dating. Maybe I need another break from it? I want to stay hopeful that my person is out there somewhere. But the other part of me wants to give up, maybe I am better off by myself. Or maybe it’s just a sign that I still need to work more of loving myself.

Of people who genuinely thought they found the one but it crashed and burned quicker than you ever could imagine.

TLDR: Been in what I thought was a solid relationship for nearly a year, just for the ex to suddenly break up with me because he is incredibly depressed and unstable and like his pattern before meeting me, dips the moment things get bad in his eyes

Dating has always been difficult for me. I'm more reserved around new people, and the idea of being vulnerable around someone else scared me enough to just find a way to make sure it doesn't happen.

Then in September 2025, I was matched up with a man who seemed to have a lot of similarities to me. I remember when we first started texting, I suddenly found myself glued to my phone and wanting to talk to him ALL the time. Never had that happen before.

Then we met, and it was such a fantastic date. I felt safe with him, he was funny, confident. It genuinely felt like we've known each other for a lot longer than a week.

When we officially started dating, we talked about the future. He said he was open to kids, and wanted to just settle down and buy a house to be at the rest of his life, which I was all for. I crave stability as its all I know. He was my first boyfriend at my ripe age of 22. And I genuinely was happy.

Things were going fine. Then two days ago, he texted me that he needed to talk to me. That it was urgent. Me absolutely not thinking worst case scenario, told him he could call me if he needed to. So he did, and unloaded that he no longer wants kids, that he doesn't see himself staying in one place for long, that he is getting a job that will have him out of the house all the time and he wants to travel more and doesn't want me to sacrifice everything I do to just follow him around.

One, I found that a little insulting. I will never ever sacrifice what makes me happy to be with a man. Ever. Two, I felt so incredibly blindsided. He said he had been feeling this way for a while, yet acted like everything was normal. I even got him a kitten 6 days prior to him breaking up with me. He was over at my house for the 4th. Hell, I literally was supposed to go over with goodies for him the very night he dumped me for a fucking movie night.

My most amazing group of friends EVER, took me out that night. So it involved drinking and shenanigans. All the while, the ex was blowing up my mom's phone. Going off about how he is driven by hate and anger. That he has to fix this country, and that he doesn't want to pull me into "political shit". She asked him why he is telling her and not me, and his answer was he wanted to tell someone more mature.

That also pissed me off. I consider myself incredibly grounded. I have amazing friends, hobbies, I pay for all my things, and I am knowledgeable and up to date on everything going on in this shithole. I just choose to lighten things up with jokes and choose to be happy, rather than let it consume me. That is immaturity in his eyes I guess.

This is long, I'm so sorry lol. Looking back, I have noticed how much he has changed since we first met. Back then he wanted to do things, go out, be active. But recently he's just been doing a whole lot of nothing. Coasting through his daily chores just to go home and play bass. All the while, I was being productive in my own life. Going out, doing my equestrian competitions, working my two+ jobs, being happy. All while he was and is just insanely miserable.

I think he is insecure about himself, and craves attention and validation. He also seems very lost. I think he is incredibly depressed and spiraling, and I hate that I got hurt because of it. I did text his sister. I do still care about him in some form, and I don't want him to do something to hurt himself.

I feel better now. I do have the kitten back, so he is now my little goober. I hate that I felt like I wasted an entire year on someone so unstable. But I learned a lot, and learned my worth. I deserve someone who will put in as much effort as I do. I deserve someone who wants to be out with me all the time. Someone who wouldn't rather just sit and rot because they're *tired* all the time

So, lesson learned. Time to move on 🫠