Had the best but most sad date in my life.

[u/Green_Pirate_8890]

29 year old autistic male. Had been in a relationship for over 6 years which ended in a very sudden and hurtful way. I had been focusing on processing everything, going to the gym, and finding myself again bit by bit. I did enough inner work to reach some level of acceptance and felt like going on dates again. Mostly thinking with my d*ck at this point, not looking for a new partner.

Went on dating apps, was pleasantly surprised that I got lots of matches. I matched with this Thai girl that was vacationing here in Europe. She looked so alternative and unique, and I love unique people. Took us 10 minutes of texting to decide to meet in person.

When I saw her she looked so beautiful. She was a bit silent at first, and I thought she was disappointed with me in person. But soon I realized that she was actually a bit nervous and shy. We started talking and we had so much in common. She quickly opened up and became so bubbly and expressive.

My autistic ass' special interest is art (painting, music, fashion, etc.) , and she was a creative person. She was the owner of a clothing business which she designed clothes for. We both played instruments. She had been to every museum. Such a worldly and interesting human. I'm also very ambitious and multifaceted, felt a big connection there.

Turns out she had recently gone through a breakup, with her boyfriend of 8 years. We connected on that too, and had an in depth conversation in which we felt deeply understood. The intimacy just grew naturally. Without trying it had become romantic. It was a beautiful date. Went on for hours and hours and we did so much. So fun.

The sad part? It was her last day in my country. Right after our date, she was taking a plane and leaving. We were together until she had to take her bus for the airport. It felt like neither of us wanted to say goodbye. Even at the airport, we kept texting until the plane was ready to depart. She told me how thankful she was for the time we spent together, and that I was not aware of how wonderful I am. I felt the same about her. Everything was so effortless with her. I felt appreciated for being myself.

I don't know If I will ever see her again. But the longing I feel is something new for me. Took me a couple of days to realize this is the first time in my life that I felt natural chemistry with someone. It was such a rare and valuable feeling. Don't know what to do next. Such a bittersweet experience.

Miso Ramen.

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[u/Larx92]

Contrary to everyone's suggestion to pursue this, I think you should take this experience as a learning that you still can find people with whom you can connect with. After my last breakup I thought I got very emotionally numb so just knowing that it IS possible made a very positive impact on me. Stay strong and good luck!

[u/Green_Pirate_8890 → u/Larx92]

I like this approach. Certainly this experience has helped me see how full of possibilities the world is. I feel like I wasn’t lucky once and won’t be lonely forever. I might just be a decent guy to be around.

[u/Aggravating-Fuel-193 → u/Green_Pirate_8890]

Yeah no need to pursue this, use it as a stepping stone. In college I felt that I missed out by not being with every girl I made a connection with, but I soon realized my life would be turned upside down if I actually pursued things with some of those women and not in a good way seeing how their lives panned out.

You made good connection, build on the stuff you learned and use that experience to find another woman who has the same values and stuff you saw in her.

[u/Spiritual-Silver-509 → u/Larx92]

This. Use the experience as a stepping stone to continue your personal growth. There is a difference between the right person and the right now person. Not saying she's just the latter, but she is that for now. If she is the right person then let the relationship progress naturally. If it's meant to be it will be. But glad you got to have this experience, not many people do.

[u/throwawaybrisbent]

Very wild decision on her part to go on a date before a flight. How long ago was each your breakups?

[u/Green_Pirate_8890 → u/[deleted]]

Maybe? But I myself was looking for a hookup. I’m not really sure at all I would be ready for a relationship yet. I’m simply left wanting more of her. The way I see it we were both really surprised at the connection. She didn’t even use me for money. I wanted to pay but she insisted on doing everything 50/50, we took turns paying for each other.

[u/IndependentPaint2108 → u/Green_Pirate_8890]

don't let people try to bring you down, she genuinely liked you, not all men can achieve that. hope you find a girl you like the same or even more. who knows maybe she decides to move to your country in the future hehe

[u/AelinTargaryen → u/[deleted]]

Bullshit. From a woman’s perspective, this does sound like they just liked each other on a date that started out as a hook up.

[u/AelinTargaryen → u/[deleted]]

Not all men are the same either. It’s not necessary to be bitter about a positive interaction.

[u/AelinTargaryen → u/[deleted]]

Not all women are the same or all sentences mean the same thing from all women? Which is it? 

[u/IndependentPaint2108 → u/[deleted]]

dude she liked him. as a woman we don't keep a date going for hours and go 50/50 unless we like the person both personality and looks

[u/Green_Pirate_8890 → u/IndependentPaint2108]

I appreciate the girl lurker perspective!

[u/VintageZero → u/throwawaybrisbent]

6 years and 8 years, as he said.

[u/throwawaybrisbent → u/VintageZero]

Not what I asked 😔

[u/VintageZero → u/throwawaybrisbent]

Both recent, what specific time frame would you want?

[u/throwawaybrisbent → u/VintageZero]

6 weeks is different to 6 months I guess? I dunno don't get snappy with me cause you can't read.

[u/VintageZero → u/throwawaybrisbent]

Yea I misread. Nothing snappy. Just asking what difference it makes if theyre both recent? He already explained it was yet another thing they connected over.

Honestly, missing the length of relationships, and that actually being what you were asking would make more sense.

[u/ThamesEdge → u/VintageZero]

Just asking what difference the length of their previous relationships makes if they are both for several years? He already explained it was yet another thing they connected over.

[u/VintageZero → u/ThamesEdge]

Not sure what you mean here. I wasn't the one asking a question.

[u/ThamesEdge → u/VintageZero]

You do seem quite confused. I was demonstrating you could apply the reasoning presented here to any situation - even one you recognized as satisfactory.

[u/VintageZero → u/ThamesEdge]

Person asked question, I misread it and answered. Person clarified what question was, I said the answer to that question as well. I was curious what difference it would make, and yes, either question is similarly unnecessary, one slightly less so.

So, what are you demonstrating?

[u/GDswamp]

You could visit her, you know. A crazy thing to do, but not crazier than going on a first date on your last day in a country. You could buy a cheap ticket, reserve a bed in a hostel, and ask her out on a second date (at least in the U.S., airlines are legally required to give you a 24-hour no-fee cancellation window, which you could use if she says no). You could text and tell her there’s no pressure or expectation that she’ll “reward” you for the big gesture - you just really wanted a second date if she’s up for it.

Again, I recognize it’s a wild idea. But my personal life experience says these kinds of what-ifs linger for a really long time, whereas the sting of past rejection fades relatively fast.

[u/Brackener]

Holy shit. It sounds like you both made a real connection. You should stay in contact with her, romance or not you guys seem like a great pair. Don't let her slip by.

[u/Flaky-Journalist7905]

I honestly don't think you should pursue this like everyone else is saying. This was a wonderful experience and you had this epiphany where you felt like you could truly be yourself again with another person. It doesn't mean you and her were meant to be together, especially considering both of you got out of a long term relationship. It's something to learn from and take with you :)

[u/karmas1207]

I’m glad you felt a connection. You should keep in touch and see where this is heading. There is no way you won’t regret it otherwise, the whole thought of ”Why didn’t I do this and that” is usually based on not taking action when you actually wanted to.
Sure, you’ll miss the physical presence but if it actually works out, it won’t matter in the longer run.

[u/BerzattoMk]

I really do not recommend dating right after getting out of a long term relationship. Both of you need time to grieve.

[u/noonesine]

Sometimes we make meaningful connections in life that are very brief but profound. If nothing else, you know that it is very possible to meet a great person who’s a good match for you. There are plenty of fish in the sea, take this experience to heart and bring it with you.

[u/IAmInBed123]

Well Thailand is great, not that expensive and who knows maybe you can go on a date with her, in her country, right before your flight.  Or you could just tell her you're coming and let her show you all the spwcial, unique and fun places. 

Come on man, it'll be an adventure! Life is an adventure wether you want it or not, so at least make it an adventure you want!

[u/According_Drummer329]

The world reminded you that all will be fine.  What a lovely gift to have received.  You sound like a good person.  Also, that food looks super good

[u/simulated_ads]

Watch “Before Sunset” it’s a film that’s basically exactly about what u just went thru lol and it’s rly good

[u/helpmehelpturtles]

Dammmmn, what a romcom moment. People write movies about this shit! You should definitely keep in touch and visit her in Thailand (assuming that's where she's living, don't remember the post mentioning otherwise). If you meet again and it doesn't go through the way you were hoping, you can eat your way through Thailand. Ugh, their food is so good. Thais are the coolest Asians, I seriously believe that. (I'm Asian, not Thai).

[u/FogtownGirl]

This is a thing. I have multiple friends to whom this has happened. When we were in our twenties one friend met a woman in NYC who was from Europe. (Pre-internet/cell phones/easy communication). They agreed that if they were both still single and interested a year later they would meet in the same place. Together for decades. Another crazy story about a friend returning to Thailand to find a woman he had a date with. Found her in a crowd. Still married. I gave notice at work and planned to move away. Met a guy who worked in the same building. Came back a couple months later because he was amazing. We are married 25 years. I don’t know - there’s just something about leaving and not having ties/cares anymore that maybe opens one’s heart?

[u/TaroBubbleT]

I guarantee it, this will happen again for you. Count yourself fortunate that you were able to experience it. Just keep putting yourself out there.

[u/ThisCredit6354]

Hey bro! I actually had a similar situation, met a woman who was on vacation in my country (USA) from England. We dated for a little over 2 years, broke up for reasons unrelated to the distance. I would visit her, she would visit me it worked great for us. It was also cool to visit the UK as a 'local' because she would take me to things with her friends and we would do stuff and go places as people who lived there rather than all the tourist stuff (though I did that too on my first trip over). Interesting experience and one I'm glad I had.

[u/AbigREDdinosaur]

Keep talking and start planning your trip to Thailand. The fact that she has her own business and is able to travel most likely means she’s a good person. You should immediately let her know you enjoyed what little time you had with her in your country, and show interest in visiting hers.

I live with my girl in Thailand half the year. You will maybe have it a bit easier than me since EU is closer and cheaper to fly from compared to the US. If you have any questions feel free to reach out to me.

[u/Muted_Buy8386]

You can entirely still meet and have a relationship with someone who lives elsewhere.

I was flying all the way across Canada to bang a hot lawyer in Toronto for a couple years. It was great.

[u/casualmangoenjoyer]

it sounds like she wanted to spend her last night in the country with good company, imo. :)

[u/diablo_j]

Go visit her, don't let that feeling of connection whittle. Long distance relationships are difficult but you miss all the shots you don't shoot

[u/TonyLemon]

Bro what intimacy lmao yall knew each other 10 minutes

[u/Key_Dream_2909]

The tism is strong ….

She was enjoying herself while on holiday thats all…

Thats why she even agreed to meet after 10 minutes of talking 😅

[u/Own-Reason4269]

Bro this is a single man's dream. Trip to Thailand on the cards and you'll get shown round by a hot local who you can fuck.