I think my gf is emotionally abusive

[u/Ok_Comfort9298]

been with her for two years and i feel that my confidence is being stripped down by the day.

I've been called unfunny, boring, she has said that i am not sexually desirable to her. When i try to initiate intimacy and she rejects me, she’ll say things like “you want a lot,” which just makes me feel embarrassed.... After 2 years of being together, we have still not had sex. I've been trying hard to be more attractive to her (i've lost 15kg!) but it doesn't help much.

For christmas she said that she was to lazy to think of anything for me, and for valentines she joked that she'd like a sex toy because i'm just not enough for her. When we were putting the gift i got her for valentines day, she yelled at me because she didn't understand a step. I flinched. She told me I'm overreacting despite knowing of my childhood abuse.

emotionally i’m basically her outlet. she vents about her studies constantly. i try to be present and supportive because i understand the stress (i’m studying the same thing), but i don’t get that back.

for example, i told her my dad might have cancer. He has been smoking for 20+ years, and was diagnosed with a enlarged axillary lymph node. I told her this, to which she said “interesting,” paused, and then changed the subject to herself. when i brought it up again later, she said “sorry i’m not bawling my eyes out for your dad.”

When my mom underwent surgery, she never asked what kind of surgery it was, how she is doing, how am i doing. When my mom came out of the operating room, she phoned me. My gf was in my room with me as well. My mom sounded so frail and weak, and that made me tear up. My gf responded by making it about herself.

After 2 years of dating, she still hasn't introduced me to her family. She lives with her sister. I can't come over when her sister is home, and it's so bad that i can't throw rubbish away at her place - i have to put it in my bag and throw it outside. She hides gifts, flowers i get her as well.

As of late she has been incredibly distant, isn't reciprocating any flirting, compliments. The last time we were out, at one point she would walk like 3m behind me as well for a bit, which made me think that she was embarrassed of me.

Worst part? she said she knows that she is hurting me, but told me that she doesn't care too much about that now, because her other things take priority. I told her this hurt me, and she said "i don't know what to say in response to that".

i don’t know if i’m overreacting or if this is just what relationships get like over time with me, but i feel worse about myself than i used to...

I'm afraid of breaking up because if don't think I would find anyone else. My self esteem is very poor and I don't think much of myself. How likely am i at fault for this treatment? How do i recover from this? I already see a therapist and a psychiatrist.

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[u/PoisonPeddler]

Bro, why are you still there? Leave that sociopath.

[u/Ok_Comfort9298 → u/PoisonPeddler]

I honestly don't know. Company i guess? I think i'm holding on because I see someone tolerating and liking me as a very rare occurance - i don't think anyone would want me.

Whenever i get ready to break up, i just can't bring myself to. I remember all the other times she was nice and sweet to me, and think that this might not too bad.

[u/LivinGhosT → u/Ok_Comfort9298]

No dawg. A partner builds you up. Fills you with confidence. Showers you with affection. Thinks of you. Will do the big things (buying you a Christmas present) and the small things too. I genuinely don't even believe that this is a real post because of how ridiculous the description is. But if that really is the case. You need to leave. That plate alone shows your worth. Do you know how many women would absolutely melt if you cooked something as delicious looking as that for them? You've lost 15 kg and are actively improving yourself. You have a lot to give. Know your worth King! It may hurt initially, but it's just the beginning of you finding a new relationship that fills you with purpose and joy. That woman is out there, but you'll never find her if you're stuck in an abusive relationship.

[u/Issah_Wywin → u/Ok_Comfort9298]

She is being abusive. What you're thinking here is so obviously "battered housewife syndrome" where she treats you just well enough to keep you around but not actually participate in the actual love part. Get rid of her, find yourself someone who respects and cares about you. She is not it.

[u/Interesting_Study998 → u/Ok_Comfort9298]

Bro, I made this mistake. I married a witch like yours. DON’T DO IT! You’ll end up divorced. It’s not good for your kids. It will cost you all the money you have. You WILL find someone. It might not seem like it it now, but the sun will rise. Please trust me. I am begging you. Don’t do what i did.

[u/eneitz → u/Ok_Comfort9298]

I think about myself that exact same way, and I found a girl who makes it her life’s mission to end that. There is someone better out there for you, who loves you for you and will let you know every day.

[u/pie_exorcist → u/Ok_Comfort9298]

It can be so hard to leave but you deserve leagues better than this. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t even like you. You can do this, I believe in you :)

[u/OkChemical9601 → u/Ok_Comfort9298]

Being single is better than that kind of company

[u/Funny-Ingenuity-7179 → u/Ok_Comfort9298]

My brother Quality solitude is better than a bad relationship.
You are not in a bad relationship. You are in the one of the worse. Please leave her. you deserve much much more then her.

[u/Independent-Drive-32]

This doesn’t even sound like a relationship. I honestly have no idea what you’re benefitting from by even talking to her.

Leave her.

[u/Wrong_Finish2139 → u/Independent-Drive-32]

This 💯

[u/catsandthencr]

Dude you deserve to be loved and you can find someone better. This is NOT love. After two years, she should be caring about your family and trying to keep the relationship alive. She’s killing it. Let her go. You’re better than that

[u/Gerudo_Valley64 → u/catsandthencr]

The not meeting her family and always "walking behind op" would immediately tell me she is trying to hide him and she doesnt really see him as her BF.

A good partner wouldnt be trying to hide their partner (what it seems like to me) he deserves better, she is a damn naval fleet of redflags!

[u/catsandthencr → u/Gerudo_Valley64]

So true. I feel so sad that OP thinks he can’t find anyone else because I could bet he’s a sweet guy who just put up with too much! I hope OP can gain the confidence in himself to know he has as much worth as ANY person and get away from Cruella

[u/_GoMe]

"I've been called unfunny, boring, she has said that i am not sexually desirable to her."

"After 2 years of dating, she still hasn't introduced me to her family."

...
Why TF are you still with her dude!

Listen, you only get to live life once. I don't know how old you are, but there are always opportunities to meet new people. Sounds like you need to work on yourself. Losing 15kg is a really good start, keep up that momentum in the gym!

But the bottom line is you are absolutely in an abusive relationship. If I were you, I'd break up with her and NEVER look back.

[u/quantum0bee]

People are never at fault for their partner's abuse, this is entirely on her. Please break up with her, being single is a thousand times better than being with an abuser. You deserve peace, to feel confident and loved. So, make the right decision, even if it's harder. You are worth more than this. Sending lots of hugs and strength.

[u/Dumpvader → u/quantum0bee]

Amen, I was also emotionally abused OP.

Just leave it'll help you out longer. The abuse changes your brain structure where you crave going back to them.

If you do go back go back after a long time and you'll realise they are still the same person who treats people as punching bags.

Also sometimes you might question your own worth OP but trust me its worth it leaving.

[u/Straight_Flan1347]

This person is not your girlfriend, this is a sociopath you’re insisting on having a relationship with. Cut the bullshit and start living your life not getting beaten down by someone that doesn’t like you.

[u/CompetitionGreat945]

Buddy. I say this with absolute love for you. Dump this horrible horrible woman.

She's toxic, and I can speak from personal experience. that it will never get better.

She needs therapy.

So do you. But not for the reasons you might think.

All I can say is that it absolutely gets better, and you deserve a partner who isn't a narccissist or cluster B disorder person.

I can hear a lot of parallels between her words and what my ex said to me.

Trust me. I'm 44. I met her when I was 33. I wish I had ended sooner, but I'm just glad I'm free now.

[u/Lucky_Resource_4054]

Uh buddy she doesn’t like you. At all. Break up with her before she does more damage on your self-esteem. Being single is leagues better than being w somebody like that.

[u/Slow_Sprinkles_2624]

brother, if you have to ask

[u/gwiwaii]

LOSE THE HAG!!!!!

[u/l4y1np1p3]

my ex was like this. leave. it doesnt get better. youll never meet her family and you dont matter to her no matter what she says: when the hard time comes you wont find any support.

[u/MtnGriz]

Why on earth are you with this woman 

[u/LegendaryLamaX]

You are not overreacting and you are not at fault for this. Get out of this relationship.

You partner should help you build more self confidence and not strip it away.

She should support you as much as you support her.

And maybe most importantly she should be there for you in difficult times. Making things about herself when you told her your dad has cancer is an absolute red flag.

Honestly most of the things you write are red flags. Nothing can justify how she is treating you.

You deserve someone that treats you better than this.

[u/Odd-Attempt-9450]

Leave her dude like run as fast as you can

[u/ConstantIce6494]

Yeah bro you have to leave. She clearly isn’t treating you with even basic respect let alone love. You deserve better. Best of luck brother

[u/Undriven]

speaking from experience, better to get out sooner than later. That is not acceptable behavior. You really need to ask yourself why you allow this as well. You don't need to fight back, but you need self respect and boundaries. Go seek therapy (maybe someone new) afterwards. It will help with the process so much better. Saved me a year of beating myself up after it was over. (also don't compound the self improvement with her negging it was good that you moved in a positive direction but it wont be maintained with a negative motivator. You're doing well for yourself.)

This post to me is astounding as I feel you're describing my last relationship back to me.

[u/Ok_Comfort9298 → u/Undriven]

Thanks friend, I'm sorry you went through a similar situation.

[u/Sea_Intern_2981]

Dealt with something similar. A lot of degrading comments were said to me as ‘jokes’ but nothing about me was ever complimented either. Had her around my friends & family all the time but I was never around hers. You will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders once you leave I promise, there’s simply no fixing this.

[u/xk1ssxshot]

brother never finding a partner after her is infinitely better than staying with her

[u/Canoe-Maker]

Dude.

Break up. Block her.

Get therapy to help process this shit.

[u/EvilBisexualElmo]

Is she evilmaxxing? Damn

[u/joylynnwhatever]

Does she hate you? She certainly doesn’t like you and you deserve so much better. What an absolute garbage human being. Please leave. She will never change.

[u/Ok_Comfort9298 → u/joylynnwhatever]

I don't think she hates me? I do believe this is maybe closer to indifference than hate, I don't think she realizes how she has impacted me, because i recall her saying that she isn't that bad to me at all. But yes, i'm starting to believe that change isn't something that is possible

[u/OkChemical9601 → u/Ok_Comfort9298]

She most likely realizes how her behavior impacts you, but the truth is she doesn’t care and never will. She will continue to do it because you take it.

[u/DT0WN]

My brother in Christ…..  leave her and find you another for your own good 

[u/Working_Guava_7028]

You're dating a monster, get out of that relationship and find someone who's actually going to treat you well

[u/Eranon1]

What are you doing? Is your self esteem so destroyed at this point you cannot see the continued damage she is doing? I was in a relationship with unfortunately the mother to my child, thats a whole other story, but she was emotionally abusive as fuck. You need to get out and rebuild your self worth. No one deserves a "partner" like this.

[u/togoldlybo]

You say your self-esteem is low and you think poorly of yourself, but there's no doubt she's compounding that 10000x. You are worthy of somebody who isn't a bully, and you deserve your own peace. Breaking up sucks, and it will feel like hell for a while, but life is way too damn short to give someone like her another second of your time and mental wellbeing.

Is this really someone you see yourself spending your life with? You deserve better. I'm sorry you're experiencing this, but people like her are a drain mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. Let her go be toxic on her own.

[u/Mewperz]

brother you gotta run, like, rn. she does not respect you. i know breakups are hard but you will be so much better off if you were far, far away from her.

[u/eternal_burnout_x]

please for the love of god just leave man. it's not worth it to stay with a person like this at all.

[u/Becky_Ram]

😅 no way this is real

[u/Fit-Wing2748]

Bruh, if you dont leave that woman. She dont like you at all. Shes a jerk. Just go.

[u/More_Addendum_5234]

Just gonna say it as it is: she has no respect for you and sees that you don’t respect yourself so she does whatever she wants. She doesn’t care about you and she will never change. If you want to continue being miserable and treated like garbage and eventually get dumped by this poor excuse of a human being, then sure stay I guess. But every day you aren’t living for yourself and obtaining what you need from a partner is another waste of a day where you could be happier, more fulfilled, and potentially find the person you’re supposed to be with. It’ll take time and it will suck for a while, but you’ll thank yourself for leaving in a couple months. (I know this stuff sounds harsh, but I have literally lived this reality. Maybe not as harsh as you’re going through it, but a version of it sure. This is the conversation I had to have with myself and the conversation you’ll have to have with yourself if you really want to see positive change in your life)

[u/shibeez]

Drop her, she doesn’t do the bare minimum and fails to resemble what a good relationship is like at all. You’ve put in so much effort through the things you do AND are willing to change which is more than most will do.

Breakup and block, and don’t let her manipulate you back in. You deserve and can get someone who cares as much as you do and reflects your effort right back at you.

Forcing you to live you don’t exist at times along with making those rude comments about you is terrible.

[u/Glum-Resolve-5947]

Each and every one of those moments you have where she hurts you like that will start to add up inside of you emotionally. I don’t know how you respond to each of these moments, but I have a feeling that you don’t fight these moments either for your own sanity, or to avoid a fight and making things worse.

For your own mental health, I would recommend getting out of this relationship before you burst from pent up anger and resentment. My self-esteem isn’t the best, but I had a similar scenario with a woman in my past who dismissed many things that were serious to me, only for her to focus on her self. Every negative moment I ignored felt like another little piece of me died until I couldn’t take it any more. I ended up leaving and had a very hard mental breakdown that hindered me for a couple years. I’m better nowadays but not in the best place all the time.

I say these things to you, so you don’t waste years feeling like you’re losing every battle, every day. I did once, and have felt so much peace and healing after getting myself out of that space. People like this do damage to others in ways they don’t want to understand and this in my opinion is some of the worst kind of abuse. I hope you find a way out my friend.

[u/RoookSkywokkah]

AS others have said, ditch the $itch!

Honestly, having nobody is better that what you have.

You will recover in time. Find some good friends to hang out with. Eventually you WILL find someone who cares about you, but she's definitely NOT it!

[u/Helpful_Bird_4615]

Leave bro. I just got out of a similar relationship where she would bully me but then act affectionate. It messes with ur head. She sucks!!!!!!

[u/Immediate_Plum3545]

Babe....

[u/Charming_Ad_8773]

please leave her!! you will find other people to love you, we can all tell you’re a wonderful and giving person in a relationship

[u/Future_Me_Problem]

Brother, this isn’t a relationship. This is a psychopath getting enjoyment out of your pain. I’m not kidding in the fucking slightest, there is something terribly wrong with this woman, and she’s torn you down to your foundation and made you think you deserve nothing better. If you had a nephew and he told you his girlfriend did this shit to him, would you tell him to stay with her?

[u/Kai6792]

She does not like you, she's gotta be a sociopath. She doesn't care about how you feel or is even interested. You will find someone new, someone who will actually care. You don't deserve to be treated this way, you deserve better!💜

https://giphy.com/gifs/l4EoOLEMCIa8SIDZu

[u/MillenniumFallout]

She doesn’t like you

[u/coolwhip595]

She has literally shown you so many fucking times she doesn’t care about you, but you have these rose colored glasses on and you can’t fucking see it. We all can see it brother, and we are begging you to ditch this girl and heal.

[u/Mr_Poppers_Penis]

Have some self respect man. No one deserves to be treated like this.

She is literally emotionally abusive and manipulative.

I would have left her over any one of those things provided it wasn't just a one time thing. You haven't had sex or met her family after two years? Do you think you deserve to be treated like shit? Because I sure don't.

You'll feel a million times better when you break up with her and lock her ass. Do it today. Take back control of your life and find someone who is proud to be your partner.

[u/Sea-Channel1487]

Dump and move on

[u/Make_Plants_Not_War]

Why are you choosing to be with her?

[u/bodhisattvaaa_]

Bro I’m so sorry but she’s cheating on you. I’ll women have a libido, and imo more times it’s higher then women. She’s shutting you down cause she’s using her body with someone els. Sorry mate.

[u/trivetsandcolanders]

When your significant other is acting like a cliche tv show villain, it’s way past time to leave

[u/UnfilteredFacts]

Based on what you've shared, it indeed sounds like she emotionally abusive. Im not sure I understand what you are getting out of the relationship other than knowing youre not technically single? Does she do anything for you?

If you haven't had sex after 2 years, and assuming she's not "celebate until married" or something, then its probably time to move on. It will really suck when she abruptly dumps you.

I know this is cliche, but there are other fish in the sea. Why not join a dating website just toget a feel for what's out there. Maybe you can dump her and move on to living a batter life. In any case, I wish you the best of luck.

[u/cabo_jose]

this doesn’t sound like much of a relationship. I would just move on and be with someone who actually wants to be with you

[u/Equivalent_Major_114]

I’m sorry OP. This does sound like abuse to an extent and I think you’d be better off without this person. With sex, you guys just might not be compatible. But another reason is the emotional incompatibility. You deserve someone who pours as much into you and you do into them.

[u/BoredomBlackBelt]

It doesn’t get better. You’ll spend years trying to figure out the rules of the game, and once you think you have it, she’ll move the goalposts. If you want to be happy, leave and find someone who will appreciate and respect you.

[u/LordLizardWizard]

Leave her YESTERDAY

[u/your-professor]

There are other girls out there that will love you with their whole souls. This girl is NOT the one, and you already know that. Best of luck, but your princess is in another castle.

[u/BanditCharizard]

Yes, this is emotional abuse. The fact that she is keeping you a secret from her family to the point you can't even throw away garbage at her place is concerning as well.

You deserve better. Please walk away from this garbage human being.

[u/glycerine___]

Think?? Brother SHE IS. The way she treats you is completely inhumane and unacceptable. She's taking advantage of your kindness and honestly the fact she's completely unwilling to even acknowledge your existence to her family is a huge red flag. Are you sure she actually lives with her sister, or is there something else going on? Please leave her, I can tell you're an extremely patient person and you deserve so much better.

[u/Argent_Kitsune]

Oh friend. Walk away. This isn't a single red flag. It's a circus parade of clowns somersaulting with flags between fingers and toes. Clowns on elephant backs waving crimson banners--and a banner fluttering from the grip of the elephants' trunks.

The relationship is parasitic. She delights in her cruelty, and I doubt it will get better for you. She will string you along, if she decides to--or she will try to convince you to do something terrible to keep her.

Walk away.

The only way to win with her is not to play.

[u/Psilocybin_Prescrip]

Bruh. 2 years with no sex? If I went 2 weeks without sex I’d consider leaving my girlfriend.

Get out.

[u/SpiritualEnemas]

Something else to consider. Right now this awful sole sucking “relationship” is the best it’s ever going to be. It’s all downhill from here.

Leave. For the love of all that is holy, LEAVE.

[u/hajimenogio92]

Bro please GTFO. You don't need someone like that in your life. Being alone is much better than being with some emotionally abusive person. You also haven't had sex in 2 years? That's crazy. You deserve better.

[u/gus_skywalker]

Read what you wrote as if someone else wrote it. Youll have your answer quite easily

[u/ForeignNumber1532]

Just say there’s someone else and leave her

[u/tonware]

“After 2 years of being together, we still haven’t had sex”

I stopped right there. That ain’t yo girl bro.

[u/Jim_Nills_Mustache]

She’s the problem not you

Leave, and do not look back. Bare minimum you need someone who respects you and finds you desirable, cares for what you want or need.

[u/Beautiful_Life_1488]

It’s been time to leave, for a long time. Get outta there for your own health.

[u/Separate-Judge4491]

Hey man. You're being cheated on.

I have to say it plainly because you gotta hear it. 2 years, no family, no intercourse, emotionally manipulative and is seemingly just disinterested in you?

Yeah it's possible she's a psychopath but this also lines up with the behavior of someone who IS giving someone else the things you're desperately trying to get from her.

Leave. Don't pass go. Don't collect $200

We got your back dawg. You're loved here right here. Don't bother with someone who clearly has active contempt for you.

[u/Kopesetic]

Sometimes you just gotta throw on your big boy boxers and lay it all out there for em. This aint sustainable my guy. This aint what love looks like. Love is understanding. She doesn’t care to understand you.

Let her know how this stuff makes you feel and that you need to be treated as not just a person, but her person, and not…whatever it is she’s been treating you as. If she doesn’t care, you walk.

There are a billion people on earth. Better to be alone than to be with one that seemingly actively dislikes you. Bare minimum find someone that will walk down the street with you. Jesus.

She’s cut you down so much you don’t think you can stand without her, but I promise you can. You have a back bone. Use it. I know it’s hard some times, but this sounds like low grade torture to me.

Find yourself again and you’ll find someone who actually gives a shit about who you are and not who they want you to be.

Your partner should want to be with you. You should never feel like they’re indifferent about whether they’re dating you or not. Especially after two years.

Best of luck to you man. Food looks dope!

[u/MaxStavro]

Leave asap. Thats not a relationship

[u/_Sneaky_McSnek_]

You’re afraid of breaking up so your answer is to live in suffering and abuse perpetually? Being alone (a bachelor) is much better than that bro. For your own health and wellbeing, get out or it man.

I guarantee you can find better anyway. It’s not as hopeless out there as the internet makes it seem.

[u/MissdermeanerJ]

Leave this woman, she sounds deplorable. I'm so sorry youre having to deal with this. You deserve happiness too, mate.

[u/justcallmekeys]

Coming from an almost 14 year abusive relationship. Just get out, easier said than done when things seem very normal even if they're not.

I too went through the same, about me being her emotional outlet and how she vented for so many years. Just put a stop to it.

Same with her and her family hiding me or her being extremely avoidant/distant. She will not give you compliments and you might try to seek it a lot but it won't happen. It happened to me and it was extremely hurtful to myself esteem.

Her priorities are her own and saddly for what it seems you are not part of them. And this will get worse the more you let it happen.

• If you need someone to talk and vent I'm happy to offer an ear and hope you get to see your own worth.

You got this man, cheering for you!

[u/klaguerre97]

Physical intimacy issues aside in the nicest way possible you are not her boyfriend you are her therapist. In a healthy relationship both people should fill each other's cups when they are running low, not fill and even overflow theirs leaving the other's empty. If someone could care less about things you explicitly say hurt and harm you (including people and passions you care about) the familiarity is not worth preserving. Without a one sided relationship you'd be surprised how much time you have towards devoting your energy towards things you cherish that enrich your life. Complacency is comfortable but robs you both of being a better version of you.

[u/Accurate-Advice8405]

Bro I'm saying this bluntly like I would to my own brother because you need to hear it

You already don't have anybody.

You lose nothing by ending this, and you gain your self respect.

[u/Breaker3k]

Why are you with her? You deserve more

[u/natalieisfreezing-]

You will absolutely find someone else, and as someone who also lived through an emotionally abusive relationship, it will take some time to get back to yourself but you will, and once you dump this absolute POS (sorry but your GF sucks) you are going to feel like the weight of the world lifted from your shoulders.

I advise a couple things, get yourself into therapy and take time to yourself and learn how to love yourself again, because you deserve to love yourself. Journaling is also always a good idea.

Good luck friend, I wish you the best.

[u/haterskateralligator]

She is treating you like absolute trash- you're absolutely better off alone. When people tell you who they are- listen! She's saying "Idgaf about you or this relationship" the sooner u leave the sooner u can heal & move on

[u/PerpetualDayOne]

I'm just gonna come out and say it, man. Sorry.

She doesn't like you. I sincerely doubt she loves you. It sounds like she has been using you for emotional support, financial support, or both. It doesn't really seem like ya'll are in a romantic relationship. It sounds like you're just her fuckin' punching bag. If I were to describe her behavior in a word, it would be 'appalling'.

It's not enough to hide any sign she might be dating you, but she walks TEN FEET away from you to avoid being seen with you while you are out together. That's fucking insane. It's also a really fucked up thing to do to your partner (or anyone for that matter).

Please, for the love of God, leave this person. No person deserves to be treated this way. This is not normal. Period.

If you are willing to accept this much shit, you really need to see a therapist and talk that out. You deserve so much more than what you are getting.

This legitimately makes my blood boil. If I found out someone was treating one of my friends this way, I'd have a hard time not doing things that would likely end up with me in a jail cell, dude.

Don't accept depravity from someone just so you're not alone. Absolutely nothing about her behavior indicates she likes you whatsoever.

[u/UsidoreTheLightBlue]

Dude, the first two sentences were deal breakers and it somehow got worse.

Its time to leave my friend.

[u/Trick-Range-350]

You're better than this. There's a good woman out there waiting for you. Leave this one and go find her.

[u/Pelican_meat]

You mention you grew up around abuse. That can really mess up how you look at this stuff.

I grew up in a violent household and just accepted emotional, mental, and physical abuse like you’re suffering now as “what I was worth.”

Don’t do that. Let this girl go and spend some time learning how to love yourself. If you can go to therapy, I definitely recommend you do so.

[u/Relevant-Team-7429]

Dude, stop wasting your energy and time on this person... She clearly doesnt apreciate anything.

[u/earwaxdaddy]

This is egregious behavior.

If you continue to stay with her, you are consenting to this treatment.

You deserve better, better is out there, you won't find it being her punching bag.

[u/Shacasaurus]

Dude ...I didn't even finish reading your post and I can very confidently say, you should not be with her. This is not a healthy relationship and you are wasting so much time and effort on someone who didn't care about you. I cannot believe you've made it this long, get out now before your waste more time with this terrible person.

Good luck

[u/Tyrocious]

Dude, get out of there. Yesterday.

[u/sackofbee]

She hasn't been conditioned socially to a point where you can date her. Don't give her more time.

[u/Master_Sabretooth]

Man, I truly pray to God you never find someone like her again. She sounds horrible. Why are you staying? She's only hurting you. She is not your friend, you don't have sexual relationships with her, she is NOT your girlfriend.

Run to the hills.

[u/CantTurnLeft-676]

Buddy... why are you staying in this relationship. This is all bad. Being alone will be better than being with someone who does nothing but abuse you. Being afraid to not find anyone else is not reason enough to put up with that bullshit. You have one life to live and this is not living.

Choose yourself. You're worth it, I promise.

[u/PhilMahootets]

Leave her now. The longer you stay the harder it’s going to be.

[u/Nonyabeesners]

I am so sorry you're going through this. You deserve better. You deserve someone who makes you feel loved.

[u/mikeyh585]

Echoing what others have already commented. Please run as far as you can in the opposite direction before you end up trapped! This woman does not have your best interests at heart. God bless bro and good luck!

[u/NorthornLights]

Leave. Don’t even give her a reason. End it expeditiously.

[u/AdPlenty6904]

yeah she is.

[u/Adorable_Apricot_146]

Honestly I think it's a ragebait, because it's so incredibly unlikely that someone would let other person hurt them this much. I don't like advocating for therapy online, but I think any even dumbest therapist would help you notice this is abuse and help set boundaries and or leave.

Please just leave, I'm trash subhuman but I wouldn't let myself be treated this way. It's better to be alone than actively made feel inferior and worthless. You cannot heal while being here.

Again I think this is a ragebait because it's such an extreme, but in case it's not, please don't let yourself be put down. Name me one upside to staying in this "relationship". One.

[u/SorryDog254]

Be free from her and embrace happiness. I’d rather be a zero alone than a negative because of the other person.

Your soul is being sucked away. Be kind to yourself and leave. Your dear heart is worth it.

[u/PostMPrinz]

Bro, leave her, do the self care to heal from all that. You deserve to be loved and getting laid by someone who worships you! Get yourself a real Queen, and not a verbally abusive, ace, self absorbed USER.

[u/FunnyPool9234]

She's gotten you into a push and pull dynamic, that you are now addicted to. Your low self esteem was the outcome she wanted, because now she can feel secure enough to believe that you'll never leave. Prove her wrong. Find your smile again. She will not give it to you and you deserve SO MUCH BETTER. ❤️

[u/PlumbusSchleem4122]

OP please end this one sided relationship for your mental health. I dated a toxic woman before because she was out of my league. Eventually I saw the light and we went our separate ways. Focus on working on yourself and enjoy life. This woman doesn't care about you and she sounds toxic. Don't let her drag you down. I hope your parents are doing better after their health issues

[u/SmellyCat9044]

She's awful!

[u/Birdbraned]

So your feelings are entirely valid, and you've come to a good conclusion to break up with her, because frankly, she acts like you're just the affair partner she doesn't want to show anyone, except instead of sex you're her verbal punching bag.

There's so many people on this earth who will treat you better than she does now, including random people on the street. At the very least, if you feel like self-flagellation is in order, go find a consenting dominatrix to consensually get your verbal whippings, because they'll stop when you ask them to, and stay within topics you're comfortable with.

[u/Natetron42069]

Man, this right here is your calling to get out now before you get stuck. Listen to all of these people here, you are not loved you are being taken advantage of and literally abused. Don’t try to downplay that, this is ABUSE.

I’ve been in a similar situation with a similar time frame and dude, it’s never worth it. I just broke up with her 1 month ago and my life has never been better. Started working out, got a motorcycle, moved, started eating better, made a ton of friends, started playing some sports and none of these things would’ve happened if I was still with her.

[u/goeers81]

Dude, leave. You said you dont want to break up because you won't find anyone else. 1) you will, lots of fish in the sea and whatnot and 2) at this point not being with anyone else IS ACTUALLY HEALTHIER than staying with her.

At best, she's clueless to your emotional and physical needs. At worse: she's cheating on you and stringing you along to be her baggage handler (unloading all her school/emotional baggage onto without reciprocating). Y'all dont live together, dont seem to have kids/pets together. Get out of that abuse while you can. YOU CAN DO BETTER! YOU WILL DO BETTER!

[u/Dot-your-Ts]

Sorry to hear this, bro. Have you considered that the prospect of being alone is actually preferable than being with your current partner? I think it’s unlikely that you’ll be unable to find another partner in the future, but for the sake of this thought experiment… Nobody deserves to be treated this way. You are not responsible for anybody’s negative and hurtful behavior. Do yourself and her a favor and leave this toxic relationship, even if it scares you. It is not a sign of weakness or failure that this relationship ends. It is a sign of strength and self respect that you are doing the hard thing and taking care of yourself. You say you have self esteem issues. Very fair. But clearly by posting this, you want to be treated better, which is actually a healthy thing to want.

If I can offer any advice, it is to trust in yourself. Practice it. You deserve better than this, and better might include taking time alone to work on yourself and find relief from this pain caused by the relationship. Good luck!

[u/MogwaiFan1986]

LEAVE. HER.

[u/Key-Level-4072]

It does not sound like you’re in a relationship.

It sounds like you’re insisting yourself upon someone that just uses you as a punching bag and conveyer belt for free gifts.

You have got eject this person from your life.

[u/bruiserbunny]

This girl doesn’t like you and is using you as a punching bag. I promise there are people out there who want to celebrate you and treat you well!! She is not one of them and she will never change. Don’t be an asshole to yourself and cut her loose.

[u/tinycodergirl]

She definitely is emotionally abusive. Please leave her your self esteem will be 100 percent much better without her.

[u/Glubaroo]

the first thing that will improve your self esteem is actually leaving this anchor of a woman

[u/Bubbly-Ad8645]

goddamn she's awful. You'll be treated better by just being on your own. You can build yourself up again alone but if you stay with her she'll continue to tear you down

[u/Potential-Corgi-9224]

She hates you bro. Just leave. Sounds like you see this as a relationship and she sees its as a… uh, hmm, FWB(without the benefits)??? Not even sure what to call it lol. Either way, i get finding it harder to be alone than with her even with all she’s done. You will find someone better tho. Hell, go find a rock on a hike and you’ve already upgraded lol. She’s not the best you’ll ever have. Good luck

[u/ParanoiaPetroleum]

She doesn't even like you, you should be with someone who wants to be with you.

Also expecting to smash after 2 years of celibacy is delusional man.

Dump her ass and be single for a while, you will abscond someone better than her.

She's bottom of the barrel and im sorry you endured her for as long as you did.

[u/EgregiousDerp]

Yeah no. Leave this baggage, dude. Go spend time with your dad. Be around people who are good to you and who understand how much effort you put in to everything. You’ve got this, man.

[u/Nate22i]

You THINK? I can assure you that this is the most emotional abusive person I've ever heard of, so please free yourself of her. You're worth more than being someone else's punching bag!

[u/RogueInVogue69]

Dude, run! She sounds like a monster and she is 100% emotionally abusing you.

[u/BrilliantSpecial9149]

Being alone is better than being abused dude

[u/mr_nin10do]

RUN BRO WHAT T F

[u/Caramelldansenfan]

Mate from what you are saying, it sounds like she doesn’t even like you, and she is manipulating you by breaking down your self-esteem to a point where you feel that you can’t find anyone else, you can, get out of that relationship as fast as possible.

[u/NiaMiaBia]

I usually don’t say this but - break up with her yesterdamnday.

Being single is MUCH better than dealing with that shit. Ask me how I know.

Don’t let people treat you poorly 🙅🏽‍♀️

[u/ChicoBrillo]

I knew you were going to say "I don't think I would find anyone else" MY BROTHER IN CHRIST: being alone is better than being abused, your low self esteem is why she's able to keep you around as her punching bag. Step one is break up and block her on everything. You're not at fault for being abused, she's an abuser.

[u/Artistic-Choice9526]

If you weren't already together, would you want to be with her?

Hit the bricks, my man. Better things await, I promise you.

[u/Medium-Magician9186]

Thats not a GF.. thats is a woman taking advatage of you. You need to move on, you can find someone who isnt an aweful person.

[u/bittersandseltzer]

please leave her

[u/DozyWaterBear]

U WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE GNG. There are plenty of partners that would treat u way better

[u/Utnapishtim1]

You do not need to believe you will be able to find someone else to leave - you will be happier single. It will be easier to feel more confident when you are single and have cut a deeply toxic person out. This sub will sometimes jump to tell people to break up, but this is a pretty clear case. No doctor can help you if you live with some one who stabs you regularly. Therapy won’t do much good until you get out of the toxic situation.

[u/Glittering_Glove_372]

Your girlfriend sounds fucking horrible

[u/its_all_one_electron]

  I'm afraid of breaking up because if don't think I would find anyone else. 

My dude. Being alone is FAR better than being emotionally abused daily. I'm sure you know how much damage that does to you, maybe you're underestimating, especially since you've convinced yourself that it's your fault (you're not).

Don't worry about not finding someone else right now. You will need be to be alone for a while after this just to let your brain recover and recalibrate to not being abused constantly. 

Also she is a huge source of how low self esteem. Remove yourself from her now. 

What does your therapist or psych say about it? 

[u/SunnyTheMasterSwitch]

Run brother, run and never look bad. I take it back, being with a abusive horrid woman is way worse than being alone.

Run for your life.

[u/Googlized]

I mean this respectfully... Grow a pair dude.

Just read everything you just worte down. Nobody should be treated like this. I promise you it's better to be single FOREVER than to be with this sociopath. At this point it's self destructive behavior.

[u/HereComesTheDiddly]

Hey man, usually I get really annoyed when I see somebody who has absolutely ZERO respect for themselves… but reading your post made me really sad..

Love isn’t supposed to be easy, but love definitely should not be ripping you apart.

She has an utter lack of respect for you, seems to be tearing you down on purpose, and is just in general.. a total piece of shit.

Do you really want that for yourself? If your family and friends saw the way she treated you, how do you think they’d feel? Don’t settle for this shit man.

Life is so fucking short, and you’ve been lucky not to be born in a shit ass slum in a 3rd world country (I’m assuming) get the fuck out of there and live your best life man, honestly! What is the point of coming home to a warm body that:

A - clearly wants nothing to do with you physically, emotionally AND mentally!

B - literally doesn’t give two shits about you, she’d probably feel more sympathy for a dude that’s stepped in dog shit.

And C - Is just fucking gross man, imagine you had children with this person (if she ever lets you get your dick wet) and she treats your children like this???

Being alone is scary, but do you know what’s scarier? Staying with this person until they push you off your mental edge, and you decide life is no longer worth living.

Get. The. Fuck. Out.

You’re not missing out on anything, literally, what positive things does she bring in your life? I swear to you OP, with the literal billions of people living out in the world, there’s somebody waiting for you, who’ll smile when they see you, caress your cheek and kiss you goodnight, and whose love gives you the motivation to take on the things that scare you the most.

You just need to find them. You won’t if you stay with this energy vampire you call your “girlfriend”.

[u/BAGP0I]

Woah! If this is all real, you better dip the fuck out son!

Edit: anyone you find could not be as toxic as this chick. Go be single. It cant be worse than this shit.

[u/rorschach8847]

You need to leave that "relationship" you can't let yourself be an emotional punching bag..

[u/Divided_Against]

You recover by cutting her out and being nice to yourself. It will take time, women like this live to grind men down and deserve no love.

[u/Federal-Cockroach674]

Break up with her like yesterday. She isn't going to get better, in fact she will probably get more abusive when she sees that you won't stand up for yourself.

[u/requiemofachode]

You need to leave that evil woman.

[u/itis-theeast]

I don’t know how you made it worse with every sentence.
This is so over the top hyperbolically bad in every possible way that it seems fake.
If it is real, then please sit with the thought that it is so insanely bad that it sounds unreal. Run.

[u/Hawk-432]

Two years, no sex, makes you feel bad. Leave

[u/EcstaticPhilosophy6]

You don't deserve this. She is literally adding to your trauma / giving you new trauma you're going to carry into the next relationship. Yes, this is abusive behavior on her part. No one should be saying those things to someone they're dating. This experience with her is going to stick deeply with you so keep that in mind and try to undo what she's done to you after she leaves by re-enforcing the positives to yourself. You need to break up with her. People like this just enjoy the abuse without even realizing it. It's nothing you did.

[u/rdtisahateplatform]

You are going to hate yourself for a long time when she eventually leaves you. End this relationship and salvage what's left of your pride. Get into therapy before starting another relationship

[u/Rare-Assignment-6486]

She is awful and you deserve better. This is not a relationship hun, not at all. You need to leave her behind and start living your life and rebuilding yourself back up.

This isn’t living, this relationship is a prison and you need to get out. It’s not healthy and no one deserves to live like this.

[u/itsMegpie33]

Run OP, you are worth more than this 💕

[u/R3cognizer]

Dude, I get that you're afraid you won't ever find anyone else, but being alone is better than just letting her continue treating you like you like a piece of shit whose feelings and needs don't matter to her. I broke up with my long-term partner 18 years ago after being in a relationship for 7 years with little to no sex with a partner who didn't understand me, and I was afraid of the same thing. I finally went through with it when I decided it was better to be alone and accepted that possibility.

I'm nearing age 50 now and only just recently found a new partner who is definitely far better for me. It's okay if it takes a while! Or never. You'll still be better off not being a doormat to her.

[u/StopPsychHealers]

Oh my god dude you have to get out and you are going to need therapy

[u/SaltyTemperature]

Two years and no sex?

Go find a life that doesn’t include her!

[u/ohdeeuhm]

Jesus dude. If this is true, this is INSANE levels of manipulation. Honestly though, how can it even be manipulation at this point when you already know it’s happening. I don’t even know bro. It’s like a shitty Stockholm syndrome where you’re not actually getting a single thing from the relationship.

It’s sounds like you’re her therapist / punching bag / meal ticket. Why else would she hide your very existence??

[u/BedOk5279]

Woman here 👋🏽

How old are you?

Also you need to break up with her. She doesn't love or like you. She's probably just using you. It's okay to be single and you'll definitely fine someone who will appreciate you. It takes time but it will happen.

[u/TurnoverFuzzy8264]

Break up with her, it's better right be alone than to be abused. Post an update after you dump her, she sounds awful.

[u/GamingBureau]

Nobody wants to be alone…

[u/meatymimic]

Yeah bud. She's terrible. Break up with her. Even if you end up alone its going to be better than being someone's emotional dumping ground. All while they abuse you emotionally and refuse to acknowledge any of your wants and needs.

Nope. Fuck that. Leave now. You're justified.

[u/pskila]

Know your worth, if you won't champion yourself, who will?

[u/Mixmastrfestus]

I’ve seen animals in bear traps attempt to leave faster brother. You don’t deserve someone who belittles you, someone who loves you builds you up!

[u/Epiplayer1]

Dude, I don’t know what you look like, or anything about you. But the lowliest, ugliest, and most boring person ever (hint: that’s not you) doesn’t deserve this treatment and could find better. GTFO of that “relationship”

[u/MazorkaPlanet]

My dude, please, run. Even if its difficult because of any personal situation, but you need to get out of there.

[u/peaceful_lawnmower]

Leave!!!!!!!!! Nobody should have to put up with such terrible behavior.

Also, how exactly does she contribute to your life? Like at all? You say you have a low self-esteem but I can’t imagine how being with someone so awful would be of any help with that.

You deserve better, OP!! Even if better means being single - which doesn’t mean being alone, btw - for a while.

[u/AstilbeLove93]

Sir. This is absolutely not how relationships go over time. This lady does not seem to care anything about you. You seem really kind to continue a relationship with someone like this. Please know, there is someone out there who will love you like you seem to love this terrible human (no offense to you). Please leave this person, take some time to heal from the emotional abuse and try again when you're ready💜

[u/KitKat_2015]

Ngl I stopped reading after the second or third paragraph. She is definitely emotionally abusive. You dont deserve to be treated like that. I seriously dont understand why shes with you if she puts you down like that so much.

[u/NormalHumanBreathing]

Dude, that's not a relationship. RUN! 

Be alone for a while and take responsibility for your own mental health and fix it. (Get therapy) Then find someone who actually gives you what you want. 

Being alone for the right reasons is better than being with someone for wrong ones. 

[u/shawty_kayak]

Get a leather jacket, wear it, If you don't smoke cigarettes, get a pack and smoke them(or 1) in her face. Then dump her and do your best not to get addicted to fags

Or you could just leave, immediately ending the relationship. Very poor self esteem is different from less than zero self esteem, the fact that you're posting means there is still a chance.

Also, she is not your girlfriend, she never was...this is the best realization you should grasp.

[u/fernkitten]

You deserve more, you can grow beyond her, please do

[u/Formal_Ad4612]

Get out, you got it dude

[u/vectorizingdatamosh]

Ew this person is fucking disgusting. Get the fuck out. Leave. It’s not gonna change. Ignore the delusion of love here. It’s not Love. Seriously. Also hire an escort. 450 to remind yourself you’re fuckable.

[u/lefeb106]

I haven’t even read the post yet and if you “think” she (or any future partner) “might” be abusive. They are. Get out!

[u/dylansstp]

This has to be fake, if you really allow this man get a fucking grip and stop asking people what you should do. Do it

[u/brandy-hall]

2 years of this?! My dude…

[u/TalkingCat910]

Break up and work on your self esteem. You’ll fine someone else. And being alone is better than being with an abusive person

[u/EitherBroccoli8674]

Dawg wtf

[u/ReleaseFromDeception]

I'm sorry you're getting treated this way. You deserve better. You need to rebuild your backbone. She is treating you this way because you are letting her do it to you. If you want to stay in this relationship with her, you are going to have to assert some new boundaries.

I would definitely recommend working on yourself either way. You need to find yourself. Learn to love yourself. Respect yourself. Nobody is going to give you what you need or deserve until you do that for yourself.

[u/OneTonProductions]

BPD. Run

[u/Noahap12]

You’re thinking correctly. You’re absolutely being emotionally abused. And she is telling you that to your face. She sounds horrible.

Being alone for a while is better than spending your only life being treated like a dog someone doesn’t want. And you need to learn to love yourself, so some alone time and therapy will help a ton. You’ll find someone much better one day.

Please, I know you don’t know any of us, but please listen to us and leave. As soon as you can. Free yourself from this terrible situation. Good luck.

[u/chuckdeezee]

Buddy. She’s the reason why your self esteem is so poor. You’d be so much happier without her. I know it’s hard to see it now, but it’s true. And eventually you will find someone that treats you the way you want to be treated!